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Short filmTranscript
00:00Music
00:05Music
00:10Music
00:20Music
00:22Music
00:26It was Christmas Eve
00:30In the drunk tank
00:34In a man sitting
00:38Won't see another one
00:42And then we sang a song
00:48The rare old mountain tune
00:52I turned my face away
00:55I love it
00:57I dreamt about you
01:00Got on a lucky one
01:05Come in and let's into one
01:09I've got a feeling
01:12That's the earth is for me
01:16So happy Christmas
01:22I love you baby
01:25I can see you better
01:29Thank you
01:30Everyone needs for the song
01:32Well all our dreams
01:34Thank you
01:35Merry Christmas
01:35Merry Christmas
01:36They got cars big as bars
01:49They got rivers of gold
01:51But the wind goes right through you
01:52It's no place for the old
01:54When you first took my hand on a cold Christmas Eve
01:57You promised me Broadway was waiting for me
02:00You were handsome
02:01You were pretty queen
02:02I knew your city
02:03When the band finished playing
02:04You know she's invited Adam and Alya don't you?
02:08Oh don't
02:09I mean she could have invited one of your exes
02:11Balance it out a bit
02:12Who's she?
02:14The cat's mother?
02:16Do you like what I got Eva?
02:17It reminds me of that quote from the bible
02:20Pearls before swine
02:22Ma
02:22What?
02:24Why is everyone so serious?
02:27Come on
02:27It's Christmas
02:28Our first guest has arrived
02:30Merry Christmas
02:31Hi
02:31Hi
02:31Hi
02:32My secret Santa contribution
02:34I hope I'm not too early
02:35Oh of course not
02:36Nan's been on the eggnog since breakfast
02:38The mouth on that
02:40Let me get you one Megan
02:42Wait till you taste it
02:43You'll die
02:44Mwah
02:46Don't let her get to you
02:48Rise above it
02:50Oh I'm rising
02:51Practically transcendental
02:53Closed?
03:01Closed on Christmas Day?
03:03I mean it's like the ravens have left the tower
03:07They will be opening later I believe
03:10Family meal?
03:11I mean lucky for some eh?
03:13It's a case of I'm alright Jack
03:15If ever I've heard one
03:16Happy birthday David
03:20Yeah
03:20Ta
03:21Oh yes happy er
03:23You know
03:24Merry Christmas
03:27You're a little late for last minute shopping aren't you?
03:30Oh no I wish
03:31No
03:31Wouldn't late for work
03:32See
03:33Yes fascinating
03:35I'm not surprised he doesn't want to be at home at the moment
03:40Why?
03:41What's been happening at Lesbian Ranch?
03:51My donation for our secret Santa
03:54Oh yeah
03:56The table looks dead nice Eva
03:58I hope you'll be handing out sunglasses
04:00Now Ollie
04:02As wonderful as it is to see you bonding with little Frankie here
04:05Don't you think you should go check on the food?
04:07Of course
04:09Everything's under control
04:11Nan
04:11He's making my favourite
04:15A bird within a bird within a bird
04:18Have you seen something you don't like Maggie?
04:24Plenty
04:25Ta-da
04:30Hey
04:31Oh I hate leaving you on your own
04:35I'm going to sit and mope and watch everything I've circled in the TV guide
04:39Well at least you know I'll come back sober
04:42Yep Kev's enough to make anyone leave that
04:45Right
04:46Come on then me and you
04:48Let's get off
04:48To see Jack and open some presents
04:51See you later
04:52Oh some presents
04:54Your presents
04:55It just feels weird being here
05:05Especially when I'm leaving Leanne to fend for herself at speed dog
05:08Well they invited us
05:09And Ollie's meant to be a great cook so
05:11Come on
05:12Open it
05:12It's symbolic
05:16Of what?
05:18The key to your heart
05:19Listen
05:20I love you
05:21And I think we should move in together
05:23In fact
05:26We can pick up the keys for Kit's old flat at Red Bank whenever you want
05:29Are you serious?
05:30Yeah I'm serious
05:31Ollie and Azir
05:33Will you make me the happiest man on earth?
05:35I'll move in with him
05:36I'd love to
05:38Kurt what did you think you were doing?
05:42Come on babe it's Christmas
05:43One or two won't hurt
05:44As long as it's only one or two
05:47It's bird within a bird
05:49Within a bird sounds very
05:51Henry VIII
05:53Divorced, beheaded, died
05:56Divorced, beheaded
05:58Survived
05:59I always find that last one very disappointing
06:02Hey
06:04Merry Christmas
06:05Merry Christmas Daniel
06:06Hello young man
06:07Just wanted to give Megan a Christmas present
06:08Oh and is this your little guy?
06:12Couldn't you just eat him?
06:14Come here to me
06:15Oh you're gorgeous
06:18You must stay for dinner
06:20We'll set two more places
06:22We have more company
06:23Well I'm sure Daniel's got the places to be
06:26Hey us barlows would do anything to avoid Tracy's crusty old nut roast
06:30Perfect
06:31We'll take the little lad upstairs to where the other kids are playing
06:35And would someone give Daniel here a drink from the bar?
06:39Thought we weren't doing gifts
06:40Well aren't you going to open it?
06:48A weekend away at the Dovedale Spa for two
06:54Oh wow
06:55That's supposed to be amazing
06:56Thank you
06:58Will?
07:00Sorry about him
07:12He's missing his girlfriend
07:14Chloe and Hull
07:16Bless him
07:18So Audrey's gone to Gales for Christmas has she
07:24Did she fly?
07:26Yeah bless her
07:27Oh I so miss air travel
07:29You know the glamour of the trolley dollies
07:31In flight entertainments
07:33And on one particularly memorable jaunt across the Grand Canyon
07:36The giddy thrills of the Mile High Club
07:39I hope you two don't want feeding
07:42David
07:42Worry not
07:44We're not peripatetic noshers
07:46We just dropped by to wish you felicitations of the season
07:50And a happy birthday of course
07:51Sorry David's a bit stressed
07:54His birthday present from his mum's gone missing
07:56Well I'm not bothered
07:58Do I look bothered?
07:59Yes David actually you look incredibly bothered
08:01Oh the curse of the light fingered postman strikes again
08:04Abidemi is not light fingered
08:06Abidemi's quite fit actually
08:08I'm brought
08:09You know mother swore blind
08:11That she sent me Ben Shepard novelty coasters last Micklemas
08:15Did they arrive?
08:17Did they poncho?
08:18Gale sent a picture that the delivery driver took
08:21Whose doorstep does that look like to you?
08:23I mean I had to make my own out of cork flooring
08:26Pastry cutter and a couple of taker breaks
08:28Well it's classic Gale isn't it?
08:30She's got a postcode to a house that she lived at for four million years
08:33Could that be Tim and Sally's?
08:36I don't want a stupid present anyway
08:39Now that is one hell of a moist breast
08:47Blumptious that's what it is
08:50Oh my taste buds think it's Christmas
08:52Oh hang on a minute
08:53It is
08:53It is Christmas
08:54And compliments to the chef
08:56Thank you Todd
08:57Cheers
08:58Cheers
08:59Well I'm the sous chef
09:01Did you get my email?
09:05Oh I'm so sorry that's so rude of me
09:07Yes thank you very much
09:10What email?
09:12Oh
09:12Summer's got him the most amazing gift
09:14She was telling us before
09:15Lovely
09:16Oh I
09:16I'm jealous
09:17I am
09:18I am spitting feathers
09:19Right so you know he really fancies Andrew Scott
09:22So I have got him tickets to an Andrew Scott retrospective
09:26At a film festival
09:27Including a Q&A with the man himself
09:29Oh
09:30Was Andrew Scott in Etty Wainthrop?
09:32Oh lucky Etty
09:34I don't think so
09:36Didn't know you were such a fan of his canon of work
09:40I don't think it was that canon he was interested
09:43Ah what did the kids get you for you?
09:46Was it socks and smellies?
09:47Oh kids honestly
09:49They can be so unimaginative can't they?
09:52Do you know what Daisy got me one Christmas?
09:54What?
09:55A pencil sharpener
09:56Oh
09:57Well no they've not got me now yet
10:00But I'm sure that'll be rectified soon
10:02I um
10:03I've got to try the form
10:05Didn't I love?
10:06Yeah
10:07It's gorgeous
10:08Oh isn't it amazing
10:10We can get in the 50 piece shop these days
10:11But Andrew Scott though eh
10:14I don't think of him he is
10:15He thinks you fancy Terry Scott
10:17He's that hot priest
10:19In that thing where she went round being posh
10:20Talking to me
10:21Oh yes
10:22No I know
10:22I know
10:23Yeah
10:23Speaking of vicars
10:25Billy's taking his time isn't he?
10:28Yeah it's his busiest day of the year isn't it?
10:30Ah
10:30All these hot priests everywhere eh
10:33What a lucky boy you are Tori
10:35This is lovely
10:38Mmm
10:38Mmm
10:39Mmm
10:39Mmm
10:40You alright Lisa Lou?
10:48Erm
10:49I've got a text from Roy
10:50He says you rang the hotel
10:51That car I booked on
10:52And she never checked in
10:53Oh no biggie
10:54Maybe she changed her mind
10:56And went somewhere else
10:57Well obviously she went somewhere else
10:59The question is where
11:01And she's disabled the tracker on her phone
11:02So
11:03Right
11:04Well
11:07I'm nipping out for an hour
11:08What now?
11:10Well
11:10I can't divulge too much
11:11But even on Christmas Day
11:12There's stuff I need to sort for Spain
11:14Crikey
11:15You're in and out more times
11:16Than I've been Carla
11:17Sorry
11:19Mmhmm
11:20Sorry
11:23Hey
11:35I just wanted to check you were cool
11:37With me and Ali have been here
11:38Maggie kind of press ganged us
11:40Yeah she's good at that
11:41It's fine darling
11:42You OK
11:43My letter
11:45Which letter?
11:47The letter
11:47I think someone's taken it out of my bag
11:51Look let me have a look in your bag
12:09Maybe a fresh pair of ice
12:10I've done nothing but check it
12:11Fill your boots
12:11I don't believe that it's just fallen out somewhere
12:16Well if it has
12:17Someone's obviously chucked it
12:18Which is a good thing
12:19No news is good news
12:20I feel sick
12:21It's not there is it?
12:23No
12:23Oh do you know what
12:24Maggie's been so off with me
12:26But then she's like that every day
12:27Ain't she?
12:27I'm sure if she'd found it
12:28You'd know by now
12:29Yeah that's true
12:30Look calm down
12:31Deep breaths
12:32All right Ben
12:34Everything all right in here?
12:36Yeah fine
12:37I better um
12:38Listen babe I've got no problem with your ex being here but holding hands
12:46I know I'm sorry
12:47What happens the next time we walk in he's unhooking your bra
12:49He was just giving me a pep talk
12:51With his fingers
12:52Babe I was just getting wound up about Maggie
12:54He was just calming me down
12:56So come to me not Bonnie Prince Charlie
12:57I know I'm sorry
12:59Look for what it's worth I'm sorry about my ma
13:01Which bit?
13:03Ha
13:03All of her
13:04Come on babe strengthen the numbers
13:07All right?
13:26Sorry to hear about your mum
13:31It's what it is
13:34Happens to us all eventually I guess
13:37You must miss her
13:43I'm being daft really but
13:45Yeah
13:46Nothing daft about it
13:48People are still around
13:51You want to make the most of him
13:52It's what we need isn't it
13:55What?
13:59Human contact
14:00You haven't stolen Gail's presents
14:05Yeah but that looks like your doorstep
14:08Doesn't it?
14:10That's nothing like our doorstep you plump
14:12Well Mary said it was
14:14Well has Mary got a degree in step recognising?
14:18Well it might have been Brian
14:20Have you been shaming us on some sort of chat group?
14:23No they came round for Christmas drinks
14:25Oh since when were you Polly with Brian and Mary?
14:29I'm not
14:29You've never invited us round for Christmas drinks
14:31Look I'm sure I would have noticed if one of our presents said
14:34Happy birthday David love mum
14:36Yeah
14:38Yeah I suppose
14:39Well you don't mind I'm not bothered anyway
14:41Didn't want to tell your face that
14:42Do you know what Tim forget it
14:45Mm
14:50Nice towel
14:50Very festive
14:52I made that
14:54Yeah
14:56Bit dry
14:58well now you've had your meds and some scram you're gonna leave a nice reassuring voice
15:04note for my lady wife no i'm not i'm not doing it you know when she realizes i'm missing
15:12she'll come looking for me all right do you really think so you see that's not the impression
15:20i got last night when she was oh no i don't want to rub it in you can probably smell
15:27her perfume on me if i found the evidence that you're corrupt it's only a matter of time before
15:37there's due to oi miss world shut your face just need to reply to my lease
15:48oh she wants me
16:01maybe i'm just better than you oh did i mention that we slept together last night again my bad naughty
16:12becky that's what she said actually
16:17he's acting like you used to a serious oh come on it's not like i got him a present
16:30call me oh really well i feel a bit daft now put up in it then
16:42there you are i feel i should be banging a gong come in now will you dinner is served
16:57oh i love that film i played maria on the ships oh here we go we did the whole thing in 40
17:18minutes i was basically edited highlights it was me spinning around on the alp and then it
17:23got straight to that rolf pulling a gun on those poor kiddies good heavens they don't have like
17:27kiddies the wrong side of the third and i don't know still the audience went nuts for it oh loads
17:33of these fascinating anecdotes are glenda no if you're ever suffering from insomnia phone her up
17:36and ask her about a 12 minute chitty chitty bank right here we go okay it's a song it's hard to tell
17:42with your act oh shut up yes please love okay first word first word you okay they're not answering
17:52who i'm trying to video call the kids what are you doing oh he's a little more tipsy than anything so
18:04what is it exactly it's a bird within a bird within a bird ollie as a chicken inside a duck inside a
18:23turkey do you like it yeah it's fantastic isn't it so are the roasties and this not roast is
18:29definitely not crusty my grandson is a very special cook in fact all my boys are special
18:36and they deserve to be surrounded by special things lauren
18:41how are the kids well yeah fine you're not tempted to stay with them
18:48my boys deserve only the best in life in work and especially in love
18:57uh is it time for secret center yet food first fun later
19:08so um do you like being a chef i do yeah yeah well i'm in rubbish company i bet you're not
19:17nah i am i could burn a salad we'll have to pouch you for speed darl ollie you'll need a big pan
19:22that wee lad's going nowhere wee lad about you like that mate i think i'll always be his wee lad
19:28hey the polar express is on later i thought we could all hunker down and watch it together
19:45don't confuse the boundaries kev we did this for the lads
19:49confuse the boundaries i'm not throwing me lips on you he's one i've lost i'm over it kev look he might be
19:56younger than me he might be better looking than me don't you know i can't call with this
20:00i've got a text card telling me we're coming home alfie we need to go now kiddo can you hurry up
20:07mobile answer call on speakerphone
20:14HE SIGHS
20:19HE SIGHS
20:31PHONE RINGS
20:34Mobile, answer call on speakerphone.
20:38Colin?
20:40Colin, are you there?
20:42Hello.
20:44You have a weird concept, isn't it?
20:47Secret Santa.
20:48Well, it's a bit weird buying vouchers for spa weekends
20:51for people you hardly even know.
20:53It's a family tradition.
20:55Do you know what? I actually do need socks.
20:57I said that this morning, didn't I, Adam?
20:58She did.
20:59Your pillow talk is outrageous.
21:04And the next one is for...
21:07Drum roll, please.
21:08Oh.
21:09Ben.
21:10Wee-hey.
21:11Is it a jigsaw?
21:12Oh, come on. What is it?
21:13Wouldn't you like to know?
21:15To my baby.
21:16Give it to me.
21:17Let him read it.
21:18Ben, give it to me. Please, give it to me.
21:19I said, let him read it.
21:20You bitch.
21:21Let my son read the lovely gift I got him.
21:22What is it?
21:23Oh, just evidence of an affair.
21:24What?
21:25Between Eva and Adam.
21:26What?
21:27Oh, no.
21:28I'm very sorry.
21:29You need a baby.
21:30Give it to me.
21:31I can only read the heavy baby.
21:32Give it to me.
21:33Let him read.
21:34Ben, give it to me.
21:35Please, give it to me.
21:36I said, let him read it.
21:37You bitch.
21:38Let my son read the lovely gift I got him.
21:39What is it?
21:40Oh, just evidence of an affair.
21:41What?
21:42Between Eva and Adam.
21:45Why are you so intent on killing our relationship?
22:09Maybe I don't want my son to be with a two-timing tart.
22:13Read it out to the group.
22:14Ma?
22:16It's a letter to the baby she aborted
22:18when she and Ben were going through a rough patch.
22:22Rough patch?
22:23He probably gave her a few dirty looks.
22:25He went back to his wife?
22:27And you went running back to the groin of his lordship here.
22:31Oh, sorry.
22:32Adam, my rock.
22:34Is this true?
22:35Your words, not mine.
22:37There was no affair.
22:38I don't think that Adam's...
22:39Babe, I can explain.
22:40Well, go ahead then.
22:41And Adam continued to be her rock
22:43when she aborted their child.
22:45Oh, you're not a very nice person, are you?
22:47Do you know the worst of it?
22:49It's still going on.
22:50Oh, please.
22:51No, I'm not having it.
22:51It's not because it wasn't in the first place, babe.
22:54I promise.
22:55And it's got enough all to do with you.
22:56Is this why you two were holding hands earlier?
22:58What?
22:58No.
22:59Are you happy now?
23:00Not by a long shot.
23:02Because you have broken my son's heart.
23:05Whether or not Eva had an abortion
23:07is frankly none of your business.
23:08Is it not, frankly?
23:10Well, isn't it a woman's right to choose?
23:11What she chose was infidelity.
23:14What kind of a mother are you?
23:15Daniel.
23:16To do this to your own family and on Christmas Day?
23:18You can take that smirk off your face and all.
23:21Mate, I'm not smirking.
23:22Nothing happened.
23:23Who do you think you're giving your dirty looks to?
23:24You're completely misreading the situation.
23:26Aye, we'll mess with you.
23:27Ben!
23:28Oh!
23:35Yeah, don't worry, Betsy.
23:37I'm fine.
23:38I'm having a really lovely holiday.
23:42Only Roy rang that hotel and you're not staying there.
23:46No, I had to move in the end.
23:50I'm staying at a new place now.
23:52It's called Rhubarb Hill Hotel.
23:56Rhubarb Hill Hotel.
23:58Yeah, yeah.
23:59I'm in the busing suite.
24:01Ha!
24:02Well, I hope you're having a good time.
24:04I'm missing you.
24:17James, get dressed and get up.
24:19Abby's on her way back.
24:20What?
24:21Just hurry up.
24:22Be quiet.
24:23I'm calling her.
24:26Hiya, love.
24:27Where are you?
24:28I'm just outside the way I go.
24:31Wicked.
24:31Listen, would you do me a favour?
24:33Would you just go to the car and get me charger out of the glove box, please?
24:37I haven't got the keys.
24:38Oh, but I thought you always had them.
24:40Oh, God, you lazy.
24:43Oh, no, hang on.
24:43I'll tell her I've got them here.
24:45Yeah, do you mind?
24:46Yeah, of course I can.
24:46I'm running out of juice.
24:48Yeah, of course I can.
24:49Just give us a sec.
24:52Right, well, come on.
24:52We need to go and get Carl's charger.
24:54One more move like that and I'm phoning the police.
25:10Why do you hate me so much?
25:12Sit down.
25:13This could take some time.
25:15Oi.
25:16Have you got anything to say for yourself?
25:18Oh, I've got plenty.
25:19And don't you oi me.
25:20Lies.
25:21All lies.
25:22I never had an affair with Adam.
25:23The letter says different.
25:25He supported me while...
25:26How can you trust a silly word she says?
25:28While I was supporting our baby.
25:33What?
25:36The baby was ours.
25:44What was with that stupid hotel name?
25:47Well, I don't know, do I?
25:48I didn't think on my feet.
25:50You had a knife pointed at me.
25:52I don't know why I said rhubarb or whatever.
25:55You're giving me a headache.
25:57Do you talk like this with Lise?
25:59No wonder she's gone off you.
26:01Biggest regret of my life, she said.
26:03Meeting Carla.
26:04The biggest regret of my life is following you here.
26:08You did not.
26:10Because I'd have known.
26:12Don't lie.
26:13I don't know why I said it to you.
26:16Okay.
26:18All right.
26:19Costello.
26:20Tell me the address.
26:21The rest you do know.
26:23What rest do I know?
26:24That I broke in here.
26:26That you caught me red-handed.
26:29You know, but if I were you,
26:32I wouldn't have left an incriminating burner phone
26:35just lying around linking me to a hit on Costello.
26:38Oh, you're so boring.
26:42Right.
26:43Well, I can't stand around here chewing the cud all day.
26:46People to see, wives to bed.
26:50So she's not your wife, is she?
26:52Because you're officially dead.
26:54So that makes her your widow.
26:56Funny you mention dead.
27:00Because Lisa said that sleeping with you
27:03was like going to bed.
27:07with a corpse.
27:14Happy Christmas, Ducky.
27:26Oh.
27:27Oh.
27:27Oh.
27:28Oh, now that is what I call
27:32a beautiful set of conflicts, aren't they?
27:35Aren't you lucky?
27:36Oh, you.
27:37Yeah.
27:38It was a good service, Billy.
27:40It was.
27:40It was lovely.
27:42Was it all Christmasy?
27:43It was.
27:43It was.
27:44We had carols around the crib
27:46and mince pies afterwards.
27:47Oh, mince pies.
27:48You should have gone, George.
27:50Oh.
27:51Was there, um,
27:52mulled wine?
27:53It's a family service, love.
27:55Not happy hour at the legs of man.
27:56LAUGHTER
27:57You all right over there, Theo?
28:00You're looking a bit...
28:00Oh, sorry.
28:01Oh.
28:02Oh.
28:03Are we out staying our welcome?
28:04Oh, no, no, no, no.
28:05Oh, wait.
28:05Tell us.
28:06Well, no, you can tell me.
28:07I mean, I'm very hard to offend.
28:10Unless it's racism,
28:12I do take offence at that.
28:14No, no, honestly, of course not.
28:15You're fine.
28:16You're a worse actor than she is.
28:17LAUGHTER
28:18That's bullying, that.
28:22I'm going to touch on my union.
28:24National Union of Brazen Barmates.
28:26Oh, sorry.
28:28Speaking of which,
28:28shall we, um...
28:30Shall we adjourn to the Rovers?
28:31Yes.
28:31Oh, no, no, no.
28:32Don't leave on my account.
28:34Although I think old Torrington's ready for a lie down, aren't you?
28:37Yeah, you are looking a bit quiet over there, mate.
28:38I think he's had one over the eight.
28:40LAUGHTER
28:40I'm fine.
28:41That's what they all say.
28:43I'll tell you what, Billy, he'll miss you.
28:44Found out today he's got a thing for old priests.
28:46Have to get myself a dog collar.
28:48Joe's butt onto your castle.
28:50LAUGHTER
28:51All right, well, um...
28:53Yeah, well, um...
28:54Nice to see you both, or...
28:56Briefly.
28:57Come here.
28:57Yeah, sorry about that, don't you?
28:59Ooh!
29:01You get your bag and I'll get you coat.
29:03Ah, come here.
29:04Oh, my big Christmas.
29:05Thanks ever so much.
29:09Yeah.
29:09Bye, love. Bye, Summer.
29:11Yeah, get that there.
29:12All right.
29:15You know full well when we were going through a rough patch,
29:18and you know full well why we were.
29:19Don't put that on me.
29:20So this abortion's on me, is it?
29:22The only thing that I regret about that termination
29:24is not telling you.
29:26But, babe, how could I?
29:27How could I bring the baby into that?
29:30You weren't even taking my calls.
29:31You were living back with the dragon.
29:32Don't call her that.
29:33And whenever we did talk to each other,
29:35we were just taking shots.
29:37And yet you still got pregnant by me.
29:39Allegedly.
29:41Don't you dare.
29:43Sorry.
29:45I was in no fit state to bring a baby and Susie up on my own.
29:49Now, if I'd have thought for one second
29:51that we were going to get back together,
29:53I would have told you.
29:55So where does Adam fit into all of this?
29:57He doesn't.
29:58Not really, except the fact that he was a supportive friend.
30:01He was meeting a client in Hull.
30:03I bumped into him at the Paragon Interchange.
30:05He was getting the train.
30:06I was getting the bus.
30:07Kismet.
30:07Just to let you know, your pub is open.
30:13Oh.
30:14Oh, it's my pub when it suits you.
30:16Well, I'm sure it wouldn't hurt you to put a shift in, Maggie.
30:19Get your hands as dirty as your tongue.
30:21Are you going to let her speak to me like that?
30:26Very exciting to be summoned here like this.
30:30It's very nice.
30:31Quite palatial.
30:33Mind you, you must be earning a bob or two now, aren't you?
30:36Yeah.
30:37So you've actually spoken to Carla?
30:40Not me.
30:41Betts.
30:42Oh.
30:43So, er, how is she?
30:45What did she say?
30:47Erm, she said she was at a hotel.
30:49Can't believe Betts actually spoke to her.
30:51Reassuring, though.
30:52Is it?
30:54I want to be.
30:54Well, doesn't it just confirm what you've been worrying about all along, that she's ignoring
31:00you blatantly?
31:02See.
31:04I'll make a very good barrister, I will, because I've got a very incisive mind, and also I'll
31:09look great in the wig and the...
31:12Oh, I see.
31:13My glass appears to be almost entirely empty.
31:17Top off.
31:17It's warm, though, isn't it, in here?
31:20It's probably evaporating.
31:24Hi, Bonnie, I'm home.
31:26Oh, we have company.
31:29Merry Christmas, stranger.
31:31Is that the sister?
31:32Hello.
31:32This is Roy's friend, Evelyn.
31:36Hi, I'm Kim.
31:37I, er, I spoke to Carla.
31:40Brilliant, finally.
31:41Er, how was she?
31:43It's hard to tell, really.
31:45Erm, what are you doing?
31:47I'm ringing her.
31:49Oh, please.
31:50What?
31:52Like she's going to answer?
31:55Don't you think it's your just-face facts, love?
31:58And what's that?
32:00You know, maybe.
32:02Maybe what-
32:04Maybe she's just not cut out to be a lesbian.
32:09No, a lot of people aren't.
32:11No, I wasn't.
32:16Sorry to send you on a wild goose chase.
32:18I honestly thought my charger was in the car.
32:20Forget me old head if it wasn't screwed on.
32:22So, what have you been up to there while me and Kev have been pretending to play up with families?
32:26Oh, just watching paint dry.
32:28Hmm, well, sounds like me and you have had very similar days.
32:32Shall we, erm...
32:34Shall we make up for it now?
32:38Well, exactly what you're thinking of.
32:40Well, come to the bedroom and I'll show you.
32:43What's that aftershave you're wearing? It smells different.
32:52Must be that old shower gel I used earlier.
32:55What's this?
32:57It's nice, isn't it?
32:59I found it down the side of the couch.
33:01Must be the previous tenants.
33:03Now, where were we?
33:07En route to the bedroom.
33:09On a one-way ticket to paradise.
33:11I often wonder if you're a statue.
33:21Because you've got one hell of a brass neck on you.
33:24That secret Santa stunt was evil.
33:27I am a grandchild down because of you.
33:31Are you not going to defend me here, Ben?
33:32Why should I?
33:34She's right, it was evil.
33:36I'm not bothered.
33:37Put that drink down, ma.
33:42And get out of my house now.
33:44I beg your pardon.
33:45I want you gone.
33:46Are you going to side with that little tart over me?
33:52Right first time.
33:53His poor, beautiful face.
34:11I wonder who hit him.
34:13It wasn't me.
34:14When a man gets hit like that,
34:16usually over a woman.
34:18No.
34:18Maybe someone's got the hots for Elia.
34:21Who doesn't have the hots for Elia?
34:22Did I just say that out loud?
34:26Yes, George.
34:28Keep it down.
34:29People might think we're swingers.
34:30Oh, like these two.
34:32Behave yourself Mary's if we're swingers.
34:34I'll know what you're doing later.
34:38Gonna have a nice shiner, thanks to you.
34:40You had no right.
34:40Oh, shut up.
34:42No, he's right.
34:44Adam, I'm sorry.
34:47I shouldn't have reacted the way I did.
34:48I've just spoken to the weaver.
34:49She's explained everything.
34:50Um, accept my apology.
34:56Well, this won't be a Christmas that we forget anytime soon.
34:59You've got a lot to save yourself.
35:02Eh?
35:03Sorry.
35:05And Elia, you've got to believe Adam, none of it's true.
35:08Oh, I never believed a word.
35:10But you want to have a word with your mother.
35:12Is she calmed down?
35:12She's packing her bags.
35:15Vastard to leave.
35:16What?
35:18Any sign of Megan?
35:19She's gone home.
35:21She don't feel well.
35:23She wanted me to tell you, but whoops.
35:25I forgot.
35:26Right.
35:29Listen.
35:31I know that you've got the hots for your teacher,
35:33you little git.
35:34But how about you leave her for the grown-ups, eh?
35:36There's a good life.
35:36Right.
35:37Thanks very much for a memorable day.
35:41Shall we go next door?
35:46Hey.
35:47I always wondered why you were so weird.
35:49But now that I've seen what your granny's capable of,
35:52it's all slipping into place.
35:53David!
36:08David!
36:12Where have you been?
36:14Er, Manor's, Will.
36:16Been helping Lauren with Frankie so she could work.
36:19Daniel's already gone, he said to say to Aaron, Matt.
36:22Er, you need to be careful.
36:24Do I?
36:25Yes, Will.
36:26You do.
36:27You were so vile to Daniel today.
36:29Classic.
36:30I defend him, why don't you?
36:32You're gonna give the game away at this rate.
36:34And the state of him.
36:36You know, he had his hands all over my woman.
36:39You're drunk.
36:41What's he gonna be like on your little weekend away?
36:45Oh, do you know what?
36:47I can't be doing with you when you're like this.
36:48What?
36:55Ha!
36:55Weird.
36:57I'm sorry.
36:57What is that?
36:58It's a stimulator.
36:59Your own mother has got you a...
37:01It's a vagus nerve stimulator.
37:03David, not in front of Lily.
37:04No, no, it's totally sleep.
37:06Shut up!
37:07No, that's what it is. It's an actual sleep aid.
37:10What? Granny Gail's texted. She said she sent us all a video.
37:12Oh, get it up, get it up on sablet. Come on.
37:14She'll be nowhere for Andy Seren and Connors.
37:16Well, she's put it on plot chart, hasn't she? You can see it on there.
37:18Oh, I can't believe she sent a video.
37:20It's me.
37:23I speak to you today on what is, of course, our first wedding anniversary.
37:30One of the longest marriages, this.
37:32Thank you, David, for my extra-large jar of olives.
37:39Very funny.
37:41I hope you've all been having the most wonderful day.
37:46And, of course, David, happy birthday.
37:52How can it be 35 years since I first held you in my arms?
37:57I hope by now you've unwrapped your sleep aid.
38:05I just wanted to say that, though I may be far away,
38:10you're all very much in my thoughts.
38:15And David and Shona, you and your baby are utmost in my heart.
38:26Life is never easy.
38:29Life is never straightforward.
38:32But we're a strong, resilient family.
38:39And we can weather any storm.
38:43I love you all very much.
38:46So, till the next time we speak,
38:52as the famous carol says,
38:55the hopes and fears of all the years
39:04are met in thee tonight.
39:08I wish you all a very happy Christmas.
39:18Happy Christmas.
39:20Aw, that was nice.
39:22Yeah, it was a lovely happy Christmas.
39:24I just want to say thank you.
39:30What for?
39:34I love you for it.
39:36And just being so nice and patient today.
39:42That's our first Christmas, innit?
39:44Wanted to be special.
39:48In that case, thank you, too.
39:50For what?
39:52For being you.
39:54Your authentic self.
39:58Can't be easy.
40:00You know, with your various issues.
40:05I'm...
40:05Unless you were being sarcastic.
40:07I wasn't.
40:11Stand up.
40:14You sure you weren't being sarcastic?
40:16Yeah.
40:22You sure?
40:23Merry Christmas, daughter.
40:30Merry Christmas, daughter.
40:30Merry Christmas,.
40:45Merry Christmas, mother.
40:46Isn't that, um, Oujimaflip?
41:00Maggie, yes.
41:00From the pub.
41:01Correct.
41:02Well, introduce me.
41:03I've never met her.
41:04And, you know, if we pull up, I'm thinking free drinks.
41:07Hello.
41:08Hello.
41:10Oh, I say, what a beautiful coat.
41:12I love that color.
41:14Merry Christmas, Maggie.
41:15I don't know if you met my dear friend, Evelyn Plummer.
41:21Merry Christmas to you, and may 2026 bring you everything you wish yourself and more.
41:27Are you off travelling?
41:30Are you all right, Maggie?
41:32No.
41:32Any idiot can see she's not all right.
41:34She's in pieces.
41:35Oh, let's just say I've fallen out with Ben.
41:40Oh, dear.
41:41Who's Ben?
41:43My son.
41:43Well, maybe it's just bad karma, you know, because you shut the pub on Christmas Day.
41:51We were having a family meal, but everything went awry.
41:57Well, if there's anything I could do.
42:00Do you know any decent hotels around here?
42:04Well, I could drive you over to Chariot Square, if you like.
42:09Good thinking, Batman.
42:11And could you call ahead when we're en route?
42:15My phone is running out of juice.
42:17Just tell them one night, one person with breakfast, and try and get a free upgrade to a suite.
42:24Oh, I'm rather sorry we came over in the first place.
42:36And relax.
42:43My lady?
42:46Quite good, sir.
42:47I'm sorry.
42:52Isn't that my line?
42:54I should have been there for you.
42:57We got there eventually, didn't we?
43:00I'll never let you down again.
43:01I'll never let you down again.
43:04And then we sang a song.
43:09The world meldent you.
43:13I turned my face away.
43:18And dreamed about you.
43:21Got on a lucky one.
43:25Come and let's into one
43:30I love Gaff
43:55Bye
43:58Bye
44:03Bye
44:05Bye
44:06Bye
44:06Bye
44:07Bye
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