00:00Because I'd like to have an emotional moment with you right now.
00:02All right, well, sure.
00:02I'd like to do one of those, just we stare into each other's eyes and just feel it silently.
00:07Don't look away, John. You have to look the whole time.
00:11I really can only do this for like two seconds.
00:18I came on behalf of comedy to say...
00:22On behalf of comedy? You're representing comedy!
00:25I represent all comedy.
00:26Uh-huh.
00:27Just to say, you know, nice job.
00:29And also, you know, it's really time to go.
00:33You had the guts to look at yourself in the mirror and say,
00:37John, it's not working.
00:41For 17 years, you've banged your head against this desk, and we've all watched.
00:46Yeah.
00:47You know what I'm going to miss?
00:48No.
00:51Everything.
00:52Every time, John, with you, it's just different.
00:55And I think everybody feels that same.
00:56Let me tell you why it's different.
00:57And I think I know it, too.
01:00Because unlike the other shows, and I think you'll back me up on this, I don't prepare.
01:04We've all watched this train wreck go on.
01:07Yeah.
01:07You've never...
01:07You've never found your voice.
01:09Yeah, I know.
01:10You've never found your audience.
01:11You don't know what the f**k you're talking about.
01:15I feel like I can open up to you.
01:16Okay.
01:17This doesn't leave this room.
01:19You know, I've been banging it out 22 minutes a night, four days a week.
01:22And I don't think anybody can keep up that kind of pace.
01:28No.
01:29If that was me, I'd just be walking on the streets like that.
01:31I'd just be like, where's my paper and coffee?
01:35I feel like soon you will be walking on the streets like that.
01:37No.
01:38I'll do that.
01:38Not like that.
01:39Post this show, you'll be like...
01:40I'll just be in a diaper holding a sandwich.
01:41You know what?
01:42I'm not crying.
01:43I'm not crying either.
01:43No, I'm not going to cry at all.
01:45We swore we wouldn't cry.
01:47I can't believe that you're leaving before me.
01:51In fact, I'm issuing a new executive order.
01:56That Jon Stewart cannot leave the show.
02:01It's like if his stomach could get punched in the balls.
02:05All right, fine.
02:06Arby's.
02:07Thank you for being a friend.
02:15Thank you for being a friend.
Comments