- 20 hours ago
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00:00M-TV
00:28Uh...
00:29Your brain weighs almost nothing.
00:32What a dumbass.
00:34Shut up, butthead.
00:35Wait again.
00:37I'm going to think about something heavy.
00:41Like rocks or something heavy.
00:44Wait a minute, Beavis.
00:46Check it out.
00:48Whoa.
00:49That guy is cool.
00:52Yes, he is very cool.
00:54But look, it says, like, he did a crime or something.
00:57And if you turn him into the police, you get, uh, a million dollars.
01:04Well, so if you, like, find a guy who did a crime and turn him into the police, you get a million dollars?
01:12Beavis, I've got an idea.
01:16Uh, sir, Beavis did, like, a crime.
01:20I'm turning him in.
01:22That's right.
01:23Give us a million dollars.
01:24What crime did he do?
01:31Uh...
01:32That one's a stumper, isn't it?
01:36Uh, sir, can you give us a minute?
01:39Um, I spanked my monkey.
01:52That's not a crime.
01:54It's not?
01:55Whoa.
01:56Now, that's cool.
01:57Are you sure, sir?
01:59I heard him doing it, and it was violent.
02:01Yeah, that's not a crime.
02:07Uh...
02:07Can you give us another minute, sir?
02:12Tell him you stole a house.
02:14I don't know.
02:15Spanking your monkey's allowed.
02:16Maybe that's allowed, too.
02:19Uh...
02:19Yeah, that's true.
02:21This is hard.
02:22We thought of a crime, sir.
02:31Yeah, I stabbed a tree.
02:34Just get out of here, okay?
02:36Hey, they look like derelicts.
02:38We should ask them if they know anything about all the graffiti around 26th Street.
02:42Uh, is graffiti a crime?
02:45Yeah.
02:46Then Beavis did it.
02:47Yeah, that's right.
02:49Hey.
02:50Okay, book him.
02:52Yes!
02:53We're gonna be millionaires.
02:58I wish it didn't have to be this way.
03:01I really do.
03:02But sometimes in life, we have to protect our own heart, even if it means ripping it out of our chest.
03:07Yes!
03:08Yeah!
03:09Hell yeah!
03:11That's how we do it around here.
03:13Yeah!
03:15America!
03:15Yeah!
03:19I bet we could do better than those guys.
03:21We should become hitmen.
03:25Yeah, yeah, really.
03:25That's a good idea.
03:26Yeah.
03:26How do you become a hitman, though?
03:29Oh, I know.
03:30Maybe I'll ask at the unemployment office.
03:32Yeah.
03:33Hey.
03:33See if they have any hitman jobs.
03:35You know?
03:36Hey.
03:37Sure.
03:39Can't hurt to ask.
03:41You know, at my last job interview, the guy asked me to stop jiggling my leg.
03:46And I said, shut up or I'm gonna kill you.
03:49See?
03:50This time, on this job interview, that might get me the job.
03:53See?
03:55Hey.
03:55Oh, this is good.
03:56This is good.
03:57Hey.
03:59And I'll tell you something.
04:01If I was a hitman, I would be the model of professionalism.
04:06I would even clean the grease traps if they wanted me to.
04:08You know?
04:09Hey.
04:10Uh.
04:11There aren't any grease traps when you're a hitman, dumbass.
04:14Uh.
04:15Yeah, there are.
04:16They're on the grill.
04:17Hey.
04:18You're thinking of Burger World.
04:20Uh.
04:21Oh, yeah, yeah.
04:22Yeah, but, um, you know, I could do all my hits in Burger World, you know?
04:26Hey.
04:27Mixed business with pleasure, you know?
04:29Hey.
04:30Oh.
04:31You know what else?
04:32I mean, like, if I ran out of bullets or something, I'd give them, like, a triple cheeseburger
04:36with a side of macho fries, and then they'd just die of heart disease, you know?
04:41Hey.
04:42I got time, you know?
04:43Hey.
04:44Also, like, if you were a hitman, and you didn't want to come into work one day because, like,
04:48it was the weekend, you could just say your grandma died, and then if they said they
04:53were going to go check, you could just kill her.
04:58Oh, yeah.
04:59Wait a second.
05:00Yeah, I don't like that, but that's messed up.
05:02You said you have to work on weekends as a hitman?
05:05Eh.
05:06I think you have to work whenever someone needs killing.
05:10Eh.
05:11Eh, this might not work out.
05:13It was a beautiful dream, you know?
05:17Hey.
05:23Felony vandalism.
05:25That's a serious charge.
05:27That's right, sir.
05:28Sure is.
05:29We're going to get a million dollars.
05:31Damn right.
05:33Well, I promise you, Mr. Beavis, as your lawyer, I will do everything I can to get you off.
05:38Okay, I guess.
05:40But I'd rather it was with a chick.
05:44Court is now in session for the trial of the state of Texas versus Beavis.
05:48Prosecution, you may call your first witness.
05:50There's been a whole lot of graffiti on the side of the Maxi Mart and all over the neighborhood.
05:55A lot of gang tags and obscenities.
05:58Whoa, cool.
05:59Yeah, the crime I did kicks ass.
06:01Yeah.
06:02You do cool crimes.
06:04Yeah, yeah, I do.
06:05Yeah.
06:06I do lots of cool crimes, Your Honor.
06:09Hey, can those 12 guys over there hear me?
06:13Hey, did you hear that?
06:14Lots of cool crimes.
06:15I do, yeah.
06:18He told me to my face that he did it.
06:22He confessed.
06:23But isn't it true that you railroaded him into that confession?
06:30Rail.
06:32My lawyer's a perv.
06:38The defense calls Mr. Butthead to the stand as a character witness.
06:43You've been friends with Beavis your whole life, is that correct?
06:47Uh, he's not really my friend.
06:50But you lived together for 20 years.
06:54I'd like to take the 69th.
07:00The defense calls Mr. Beavis to the stand in his own defense.
07:07Mr. Beavis, we've heard a lot here today.
07:09And I bet you're eager to finally tell your side of the story.
07:13This is boring.
07:15How long is this going to take?
07:16I'm just here to get my million dollars.
07:19What million dollars?
07:21You know, my million dollar reward for turning myself in for doing a crime.
07:27There's no reward, Mr. Beavis.
07:29If this court finds you guilty, you don't get any money.
07:32What?
07:33You go to jail.
07:35That sucks.
07:37Um, I have one more question for the judge.
07:40Proceed.
07:41Um, it's spanking your monkey against the law.
07:44Because they told me it wasn't.
07:45And now it's just not as fun anymore.
07:47And so, Mr. Beavis, you didn't do any of this graffiti.
07:56No, sir.
07:57In fact, you couldn't have, because you don't even know your letters.
08:01I just like to state for the record that reading sucks.
08:04The only reason you confessed to the crime was you mistakenly believed you would be paid
08:11one million dollars.
08:12Do I get a million dollars?
08:14Because I'm still not 100% clear on it.
08:17No.
08:19That sucks.
08:21The defense rests.
08:22Your Honor, we have just come into a new piece of evidence we'd like to enter into the record.
08:30I'll allow it.
08:33Oh, yeah, yeah.
08:35Yeah.
08:36Yeah, we did do graffiti.
08:39Oh, yeah.
08:40Uh, let the record show that it's a butt.
08:45Yeah, I forgot about that.
08:46Um, Your Honor, was this in 2024?
08:49I was drunk that year.
08:50I don't remember barely any of it.
08:56We, the jury, find the defendants guilty.
09:00Wait a second.
09:01Who's the defendants?
09:02I thought we did it.
09:03Yeah, someone tell her she got the wrong guys.
09:07At least these guys know what's up.
09:09Yeah, really.
09:12Beavis, we're gonna get a million dollars.
09:16Our plan worked.
09:17Yeah.
09:20Oh my god, feel better, Cody.
09:46I want to sign it next.
09:49Sup.
09:51I'll carry your books, Cody.
09:54But Ed, what's going on?
09:56Why are all those chicks being nice to Cody when he sucks?
10:00Uh, I think it's because he has a cast.
10:03Oh, yeah.
10:05Yeah, they feel sorry for him and stuff.
10:08And when chicks feel sorry for you, you're halfway to scoring.
10:12Yeah, yeah.
10:13They sign your cast, and then they like, do other stuff.
10:17You know what I'm saying?
10:19Hey, wait a minute.
10:20Beavis, you gotta break my arm so I can get a cast on it.
10:24Yeah, and then you can break my arm, too, and then we'll both score.
10:30No, that would be too much.
10:32If everyone has a cast, then no one has a cast.
10:35Or something.
10:37Now mess my arm up real good.
10:40Okay, okay.
10:41Go ahead and just break this bad boy.
10:44Yeah.
10:48Break it already, dumbass.
10:50Lift with your legs or something.
10:52Damn it, Beavis. I said break it. Don't hurt it.
10:57I guess we're going to have to think of some other way.
11:01Well, no one ever got any thinking done here at school.
11:05You know, they should have a place where you can, like, learn how to do stuff.
11:09Like, if there was something you didn't know, there would be people who would, like, teach it to you, you know?
11:14Hey, that would make too much sense, Beavis.
11:17Yeah, really.
11:18Hi, welcome to Y2K's Big Fun Fun Show.
11:23I'm your host, Y2K.
11:26I'd like to introduce you to today's very fun, very special guest, Baby No Money.
11:32Baby No Money?
11:35Most rappers, like, brag about how much money they have, but not Baby No Money.
11:41She's poor.
11:47Got the lowest self-esteem in hip-hop.
11:51She got his food at the Goodwill.
11:57He's one of those guys who sings all, like, drowsy.
12:01Like he's taking sleeping pills.
12:04Oh, yeah, yeah.
12:05Everyone sings like that.
12:06Yeah.
12:07Yeah, sometimes I talk like that when I take a bunch of codeine cough syrup, you know?
12:17Maybe these guys, like, take cough syrup all the time, and they're like, um, what's that word when you, um, you take something all the time and you can't stop?
12:32It's like I'm addict, addict, addict, addict.
12:36I think the word you're looking for is cool.
12:40Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's it, yeah.
12:43Yeah, my uncle is cool to, uh, crystal meth.
12:50Boy, cool can mean a lot of things, can't it?
12:53The word cool is cool.
12:55Oh, no.
13:01What, what, what?
13:03When I say puppets, I know what comes next.
13:06They're gonna try to teach me how to read.
13:08Oh, God.
13:10All puppets ever talk about is letters.
13:15Yeah, it's like, uh, it's like after A, B, C, D, the rest is just a blur.
13:20You know?
13:23You said D.
13:27You know, I used to watch that Muppet show sometimes, but like, except for that one really hot pig, there's nothing good on it.
13:38Oh, yeah.
13:40She's what they call a pilf.
13:43There you go with letters again, buddhead.
13:46Okay, Beaveth.
13:49I'm gonna lie down, and you're gonna ride down the hill and run over my arm.
13:55Okay!
13:58Ready?
14:00Ready!
14:02Go!
14:05Fire!
14:19Uh, what happened?
14:23I don't know, I had my eyes closed.
14:26Uh, so did I.
14:28But it felt like I hit your arm pretty hard. I mean, I went flying, and my head hurts.
14:33Uh, wow. That didn't hurt at all. I didn't even feel it.
14:39Well, it must be because I hit it so hard. Is it broken?
14:42Probably.
14:44Uh, damn it. I don't even have a scratch.
14:49Whoa! Really? That's crazy!
14:52Definitely found it like I hit the sweet spot, you know?
14:56The problem is, my arms are too strong.
14:59Yeah, yeah, that's how they get you.
15:02You're gonna have to do it again.
15:06I'll try, but like, my arm really hurts, and it's like, bent funny, and I can't move it so good.
15:13I don't care about your problems, Beavis. I care about broken arms.
15:17Yeah, yeah, that's true. Sorry.
15:21Now get back up there so I can score.
15:24Uh, yeah, yeah, okay.
15:28Ow.
15:30Ah!
15:31Let's see. There's gotta be something in here that can break my arm.
15:45Whoa.
15:46You boys don't touch the scissor lift, alright? Employees only.
15:58Whoa! If we're not allowed to touch it, it must be really dangerous.
16:02Yeah.
16:04I can stick my hand in the machinery.
16:07Yeah, yeah, yeah, good idea!
16:10Now get up there and start pressing buttons.
16:14Okay, you got it.
16:16Ow.
16:18Let's see here. There's a lot of buttons.
16:21Where to begin?
16:22That's the wrong way, dumbass. You need to, like, lower it.
16:30I can't make it stop.
16:33I'm trying. It keeps going up.
16:36What are you doing up there, butthole?
16:39Quit choking your chicken and get down here and break my arm.
16:43Okay, okay.
16:46Let me try this button here.
16:48Let's just...
16:50Whoa!
16:52Uh-oh.
16:54Damn it. Get back here.
16:56Oh, no.
16:57Butt-Hit!
16:58Butt-Hit, what do I do?
17:00I can't make it stop.
17:02Damn it.
17:04Hey, hey, hey!
17:06Where am I going?
17:07What's going on, Butt-Hit?
17:09Oh, no, no, no.
17:10Ha-ha! Somebody help!
17:13Hey, watch where you're going!
17:21Sorry down there, I can't control...
17:23Hey, hey, look out!
17:26Eh, no!
17:28Hey, what's going on?
17:30Hey, do you know how to work this thing?
17:32No! No!
17:34Hey, you're all going the wrong way!
17:36Learn how to drive!
17:37Hey, hey, hey!
17:40Hey, hey, look out!
17:43No, no, no!
17:47Whoa!
17:48I made it!
17:50Glad that's over.
17:51Wohoo, did I work this to happen?
18:07Oh, god.
18:08Stop, boy.
18:09I got it.
18:11No!
18:13What're you trying to say?
18:14How can I carry me out?
18:15No, no, they say I can't chew Jell-O yet, but, um, check out my cast.
18:20The chicks can sign all over me.
18:23It's full body, you know.
18:26Uh, no, by the time they let you out of here, school will be over for the summer.
18:30All the chicks will be gone already.
18:33Oh, yeah, yeah.
18:35Yeah, but someone's probably signed my cast, right?
18:38Uh, let's see.
18:43Nope.
18:45Eh, you know, that sucks.
18:48Well, visiting hours are over.
18:51Let me know if you get some Jell-O.
18:53Ugh.
18:54Oh, my God.
19:02Oh, my God.
19:04Chirp.
19:13Oh, my God.
19:21Oh, my God.
19:25Chirp.
19:26Oh, my God.
19:28Oh, my God.
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