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Movie Time
#Terry Crews (Brooklyn 99) #Retta (Good GIrls)
Transcript
00:00:00Transcribed by ESO, translated by —
00:00:30Transcribed by ESO, translated by —
00:01:00Transcribed by —
00:01:29my dad and uncle started this gym
00:01:31to keep kids out of gangs and off the streets,
00:01:33give them some positive role models.
00:01:35Then they got locked up for bank robbery.
00:01:38I believe they call that irony.
00:01:40That left me and my mom to run this place on our own.
00:01:43She done a whole lot of good for this community.
00:01:46But doing good don't really pay the bills,
00:01:48you know what I'm saying?
00:01:49And the banks are about to shut us down.
00:01:51Over the years, we kept the doors open
00:01:53with endless side hustles.
00:01:55And that's where my boy Juice comes in.
00:01:57We've been best boys since I was little JIT.
00:02:00Now Juice, he the plug.
00:02:02You need anything, he can get it.
00:02:04Just don't ask him how.
00:02:06Why you laughing? Why you laughing?
00:02:10But luckily, my girlfriend Alicia has always been there
00:02:13to get us back on track.
00:02:15I mean, she don't know she my girlfriend yet.
00:02:18Like she got a serious crush on me.
00:02:20Like serious crush.
00:02:22She say she waiting for a real man.
00:02:24But if that's not me, then why she be flirting so hard?
00:02:27Look at her.
00:02:28Look how she's looking at me.
00:02:29Zoom in.
00:02:30Come on, you see that right?
00:02:34So that's life in the hood.
00:02:36I mean, we don't have much.
00:02:38But if I can keep those gym doors open,
00:02:40I can keep my little family together.
00:02:43And really, that's what it's all about.
00:02:47Nah, I'm just fucking with you.
00:02:50It's about them dead presidents, y'all.
00:02:52Get it?
00:03:00I'm gonna kick your ass so hard
00:03:01you're gonna be able to give yourself a .
00:03:03You really wanna go out like that?
00:03:05South Central, baby.
00:03:07Yeah, think about it.
00:03:09It's no game.
00:03:11You in it right now.
00:03:13Let's go.
00:03:14Nah!
00:03:16I'm crazy.
00:03:17I'm crazy!
00:03:18I'm crazy!
00:03:19You will die today!
00:03:23Now, I apologize for the language, y'all.
00:03:26But this is the kind of tough talk
00:03:28you're gonna hear out in these streets.
00:03:29Now, of course.
00:03:30I could teach y'all how to fight,
00:03:31give them a little one, two, three, four.
00:03:33What's that gonna solve?
00:03:34What I'm uniquely qualified to teach y'all
00:03:37is that sometimes your best weapons are your words.
00:03:41We're gonna put these down and pick this up.
00:03:44Words?
00:03:45This is the MMA class,
00:03:47so stop being a little and let's fight.
00:03:50Oh!
00:03:51Okay, look at this guy!
00:03:52Little hyped up.
00:03:53Get it, Reggie!
00:03:54Tone it down a notch.
00:03:55You afraid to swing?
00:03:57That's great again.
00:03:58I see what you're doing.
00:03:59Nothing, he says, can provoke me
00:04:01because I am indeed escalating the situation.
00:04:04Never thought I'd get this close to a vagina
00:04:06until I was at least 10.
00:04:07What's a vagina?
00:04:08What's a vagina?
00:04:09Look, I'm gonna tell you one time, one time only.
00:04:11You're gonna sit your little ass in that corner.
00:04:14Now, I'm gonna count two, three.
00:04:17One.
00:04:18Three!
00:04:19Oh!
00:04:24Oh!
00:04:25What's my ?
00:04:26Okay, listen!
00:04:27I was...
00:04:28What's up?
00:04:29What you...
00:04:30Time out!
00:04:31Okay?
00:04:32It's my plan!
00:04:34I command y'all to sit down!
00:04:36Sit down and listen to me!
00:04:37What if that was my default?
00:04:39Aye!
00:04:44That was an accident.
00:04:45Y'all saw it was an accident, right?
00:04:46You, you, you.
00:04:47You look like you know CPR.
00:04:48Come on, white girl.
00:04:49Go ahead, do some magic.
00:04:50Go, go, go.
00:04:51Check his post.
00:04:52Check his post.
00:04:53What the heck is going on here, Dal?
00:04:54Listen.
00:04:55Y'all don't ruin this for me.
00:04:56Just stay tight.
00:04:57Hey, Alicia.
00:04:58We just wrapping up our session on de-escalation.
00:05:01He gonna be okay.
00:05:02And that is how not to get into a fight.
00:05:07Oh, man.
00:05:08Whoo!
00:05:09Watch out for the kid with the curly hair.
00:05:10He is mean.
00:05:11It's not a joke, Del.
00:05:12I ask you to watch my class for ten minutes.
00:05:14He started it.
00:05:15Hey, ow!
00:05:16It's the dumbest shit I've heard from anyone all day.
00:05:18And that includes juice.
00:05:19As promised, I got you a pair of refurbished Jordans, okay?
00:05:21And according to the shoe facts, I only got two people wearing these shoes prior.
00:05:24You realize that you're the adult here, right?
00:05:25When are you gonna start acting like one?
00:05:26Del!
00:05:27Quit trying to get my staff pregnant and fix the damn air conditioner.
00:05:29Ain't nobody trying to get her pregnant, Ma.
00:05:30Mind your business.
00:05:31Just because you fucking it up don't mean you ain't trying.
00:05:33Del, look at that thing.
00:05:34It's gonna fall and kill somebody.
00:05:35You gonna call the repairman.
00:05:36That's your fault, Mama.
00:05:37Oh!
00:05:38Oh!
00:05:39Oh!
00:05:40Oh!
00:05:41Oh!
00:05:42Oh!
00:05:43Oh!
00:05:44Oh!
00:05:45Oh!
00:05:46Oh!
00:05:47Oh!
00:05:48Oh!
00:05:49Oh!
00:05:50Oh!
00:05:51Oh!
00:05:52Oh!
00:05:53Oh!
00:05:54Oh!
00:05:55You know what?
00:05:56I'm tripping.
00:05:57Let me dip into this discretionary fund so I can pay for that shit.
00:06:01You cannot give your son the middle finger.
00:06:03Why not?
00:06:04I've already tried the other two.
00:06:05One, Del, get yourself out of bed and go to school before you flunk out.
00:06:09Two, I'm not gonna tell you again to stop smoking weed and playing video games.
00:06:14No results.
00:06:15So, I'mma try three and see what happens.
00:06:20When the phone get turned back on.
00:06:22It's Dre's Gym.
00:06:23This is Del speaking.
00:06:24You have a call from Folsom Prison.
00:06:25This call is timed and monitored.
00:06:26Yo, yo, yo, Del.
00:06:27It's your pops.
00:06:28Yo, what you calling here for, Dad?
00:06:29Did you just not say this is Dre's Gym?
00:06:30Who the fuck you think Dre is?
00:06:31It's me!
00:06:32It's me!
00:06:33I can call whenever the fuck I please!
00:06:34Now, look, I know you're struggling and everything, but listen.
00:06:35I might have a way to help you.
00:06:36We've been getting along just fine my whole life without your help.
00:06:37Look, I know, son, but I...
00:06:38You have one minute, this fucking jail robot.
00:06:39Look, I ain't got time to be polite.
00:06:40I know you mad at me and everything, but listen.
00:06:41I care about you.
00:06:42And I care about your momma.
00:06:43And I highly suggest if you want to keep that place open, you get your skinny ass down here
00:06:45and see me before it's motherfucking too late.
00:06:46It's me!
00:06:47It's me!
00:06:48I can call whenever the fuck I please!
00:06:50Now, look, I know you're struggling and everything, but listen.
00:06:51I might have a way to help you.
00:06:52We've been getting along just fine my whole life without your help.
00:06:55Look, I know, son, but I...
00:06:56You have one minute, this fucking jail robot.
00:06:59Look, I ain't got time to be polite.
00:07:01I know you mad at me and everything, but listen.
00:07:03I care about you.
00:07:04And I care about your momma.
00:07:06And I highly suggest if you want to keep that place open, you get your skinny ass down here
00:07:10and see me before it's motherfucking too late.
00:07:13My boy!
00:07:23You done came to see your old man, huh?
00:07:28Look, Dad, this is business, all right?
00:07:30Let's not pretend it's anything else.
00:07:31You said he could help me.
00:07:32I'm just here to find out how.
00:07:34You know what?
00:07:35You're smart.
00:07:36Just like me.
00:07:38I'm nothing like you.
00:07:40Okay, now look, look, look.
00:07:42Now I know I wasn't in your life, all right?
00:07:44But I want to make it up to you.
00:07:46Okay?
00:07:47I want to make it up to you.
00:07:51Badal!
00:07:52It's a pretty small box to contain my entire childhood, Dad.
00:07:55Yeah, it's a gift for my mother's heart.
00:08:01What is this?
00:08:02That's a Mr. Potato Head.
00:08:04A what?
00:08:05Look at that.
00:08:06I knew you was going to love that.
00:08:07Look at that.
00:08:08You got the little eyes right here.
00:08:09Then you got the little nose.
00:08:11Got a little comfy mustache.
00:08:13This is some smart shit.
00:08:14This is going to teach you some shit.
00:08:16And he also got that.
00:08:17Just in case I had to lay a couple motherfuckers down up in there.
00:08:20Look, Dad, I'm an adult now.
00:08:25Oh, so you too old to learn?
00:08:27So I guess you too old to learn how to solve your little bank problem, huh?
00:08:30Yeah.
00:08:31What I meant to say was, this is great.
00:08:34This is amazing.
00:08:35Yeah, it is.
00:08:36I'm going to put it right back in this box.
00:08:37You know what?
00:08:38Come here.
00:08:39Come on.
00:08:40Come on.
00:08:41Sit on daddy's lap.
00:08:42You said what?
00:08:43On my lap.
00:08:44Sit down on my lap.
00:08:45On your lap?
00:08:46Yeah.
00:08:47Get your ass over here.
00:08:48Sit down.
00:08:49Right here.
00:08:50Sit right here.
00:08:51I ain't going to bite you, boy.
00:08:52I'm your daddy.
00:08:53Okay.
00:08:54But the tickle monster might be.
00:08:55See, I'm talking about that.
00:08:58You remember that.
00:08:59I used to tickle you when you was little.
00:09:00Don't act like there ain't nobody tickled you.
00:09:02When I was a kid, I'm an adult now.
00:09:04All right.
00:09:05I got a little out of hand with the tickling.
00:09:07But I'm trying to make up for 17 years that I missed in your life.
00:09:10Now, listen.
00:09:11Now, you know me and your Uncle Leon.
00:09:13Come on.
00:09:14Me and your Uncle Leon, we in here for bank robbery.
00:09:18Okay?
00:09:19Mm-hmm.
00:09:20What you might not know is that the police didn't find the money.
00:09:26I was planning on giving that money to you and your mama when I got out.
00:09:30But your crazy ass Uncle Leon then fucked around and got out a couple nights ago.
00:09:34So you got to get out and get that cash.
00:09:37Wait.
00:09:38How much money?
00:09:43A million dollars.
00:09:45And it's in this flophouse in the basement.
00:09:48The money's in the wall.
00:09:51Let's get the money, man.
00:09:53Let's get the money, man.
00:09:54No.
00:09:55No.
00:09:56You just walked in here and act like you didn't know that I was your daddy.
00:09:59Now, you're going to come with that, oh, hey, fake shit.
00:10:04Oh, all that shit.
00:10:08I'm sorry.
00:10:09I apologize.
00:10:10Now, the only way you're going to get that money is you're going to do what I tell you to do.
00:10:15And you know what that is?
00:10:16What's that?
00:10:17Let me read you a bedtime story.
00:10:18Come on, Dad.
00:10:19No, no.
00:10:20You're going to shut the up and let your daddy read you a bedtime story, .
00:10:25This book here is called The Long Red Train, okay?
00:10:34There's a new cookbook in the cafeteria.
00:10:37Good morning, little children, staff and students.
00:10:40We have a brand new cookbook.
00:10:42Can you read it without the act?
00:10:43Shut the fuck up.
00:10:44I'm going to read it how the fuck I want to read it.
00:10:46I'm your daddy.
00:10:47Okay.
00:10:48I hope you like the gourmet piece that I made.
00:10:53We get to the flop house, we go to the basement, we get the money, our lives are set.
00:10:58Y'all, I'm telling you.
00:10:59Hey, we going to be rich, man.
00:11:00No, no, no, no.
00:11:01I'm going to be rich, okay?
00:11:02Y'all get 5%, depending on how much work you put in.
00:11:05What the hell?
00:11:09What has happened to the ghetto?
00:11:10Chipotle got a valet?
00:11:12Come on.
00:11:13It's the next street up.
00:11:14But how does Chipotle got a valet?
00:11:15I don't.
00:11:16They didn't put a coffee bean where they shot Jermaine.
00:11:23Shit!
00:11:24They're turning the flop house into a frat house.
00:11:27What are we going to do?
00:11:32We get a drill.
00:11:34Huh?
00:11:35The same drills that they dig the subways with.
00:11:38We dig it straight to the basement, El Chapo stab.
00:11:41Right?
00:11:42And we grab and loot.
00:11:43It's a plot from Ocean 13.
00:11:45You right.
00:11:46Scratch that.
00:11:47I say we going with 17 monkeys and a horse.
00:11:49That's plenty of the apes, man.
00:11:50So you've seen it.
00:11:52You got problems.
00:11:53Like, I worry about you sometimes, Juice.
00:11:55Okay, all right, all right.
00:11:56Damn.
00:11:57We get Craig and Day Day.
00:11:58That's Friday.
00:12:07I had a feeling you'd be up here.
00:12:09Oh, hey.
00:12:10What?
00:12:11You're not going to hit me, right?
00:12:12Mmm.
00:12:15So what are you doing in my thinking spot?
00:12:17Thinking.
00:12:19What do you come up here to think about?
00:12:23Honestly?
00:12:24Thinking about what I would do with the money?
00:12:27Hmm.
00:12:28Let me do your shopping list for you.
00:12:30One sneakers, two a week.
00:12:31Oh.
00:12:32It's two things.
00:12:33Let's go.
00:12:34You really think that's what I would do?
00:12:36Give me a reason not to.
00:12:38Okay, listen.
00:12:40Honestly, I'm not doing this for myself, okay?
00:12:43I'm doing it for my mom.
00:12:44This place is like her life.
00:12:46If I don't do something big, then she could lose it all.
00:12:49If you care so much about her, why don't you ever do the little things she has?
00:12:54The rats, the showers, that AC unit she's been on your ass about every single day?
00:13:03If I get that money soon, none of that even matters.
00:13:06I can make this place really special.
00:13:09And if I got some money left over, yeah, I'm budgeting some kicks and weed.
00:13:15Oh, you thought I was going to leave that out?
00:13:16No, I didn't.
00:13:17Okay, good.
00:13:18I was waiting for it.
00:13:19I got some right here.
00:13:20No, you don't.
00:13:21What's wrong with that?
00:13:22It's some weed.
00:13:23It's a little bitty weed.
00:13:24You can barely see it.
00:13:25Look.
00:13:26What's wrong with you?
00:13:29Gosh, so that'll be hot.
00:13:31But what you come out here to think about?
00:13:33I'm trying to figure out how we're going to get into that damn frat house in the first place.
00:13:38Don't worry.
00:13:40I got a couple ideas.
00:13:42Oh, no.
00:13:51Hello, sir.
00:13:52Deputy Fire Marshal Frank McCaskey.
00:13:56Do you have the DS-367 certification and fire inspection certificate?
00:14:00You need a certification on your certificate?
00:14:03I'm about my way.
00:14:05Do you know how flammable these are?
00:14:08I smell smoke.
00:14:10Yeah?
00:14:11Let me take a wild guess.
00:14:12Took the batteries out, the smoke detector.
00:14:14Let the place burn down.
00:14:15Collect the insurance money.
00:14:16Not on my watch.
00:14:17Yo!
00:14:18Not on my watch!
00:14:19Are you kidding me?
00:14:22Anybody here read the news?
00:14:24Hmm?
00:14:25Of course not.
00:14:26I'm surprised the lithium battery on this thing hasn't exploded yet.
00:14:28This place is a lot worse than I thought.
00:14:30Somebody needs to take me down to the basement right now.
00:14:33Yo!
00:14:34What the hell is going on?
00:14:35Fire inspection.
00:14:36I need you to take me down to the basement right now.
00:14:38Check the foundation.
00:14:39Yo, we had a fire inspection a week ago, dog.
00:14:41And you're lucky we didn't shut you down then, dog.
00:14:49If you're a fire inspector, why's your little badge say Guardia de Seguridad?
00:14:54My budget cuts, motherfucker.
00:14:57You know what?
00:14:58I'm gonna go ahead and get the fuck up out of here.
00:15:01I'm confiscating this.
00:15:03You, the fraternity letters that says Cox.
00:15:05You might want to change that.
00:15:11We just letting anyone in the house now?
00:15:13Huh?
00:15:14Yeah.
00:15:15I think he took your hoverboard.
00:15:24I got it.
00:15:26We rush the frat.
00:15:27Bam.
00:15:28Yup.
00:15:29That's what I'm talking about.
00:15:30You know what I'm saying?
00:15:31We get strapped, we get mean, and we rush that mother .
00:15:35Excuse my friend, y'all.
00:15:37I'm sorry.
00:15:38He's on drugs.
00:15:39No, no, no.
00:15:40I mean, rush the frat.
00:15:41It's rush week.
00:15:42I'm gonna get in by joining the fraternity.
00:15:44That's what I'm talking about.
00:15:45Keep it simple.
00:15:47Yup.
00:15:48You're not a student.
00:15:49Jews.
00:15:50Own it.
00:15:51Got a guy that's gonna make a fake ID and a perfect name to fit in the fraternity seat.
00:15:55Bam.
00:15:56But all those bros have already seen your face.
00:15:58You think they're not gonna call you out on that?
00:16:01That's so funny.
00:16:02She don't know.
00:16:03She don't know.
00:16:04She don't know.
00:16:05She likes kids.
00:16:06She likes kids.
00:16:07She don't really know what's going on.
00:16:08What?
00:16:09Alicia.
00:16:10What?
00:16:11Alicia, you know so little about white people.
00:16:12So little.
00:16:13They are terrified of being called racists.
00:16:14Mm-hmm.
00:16:15If a white guy sees a brother they've seen before, they're not gonna be like,
00:16:17Oh my God!
00:16:18Antoine?
00:16:19Is that you?
00:16:20Mm-hmm.
00:16:21Because they don't wanna look like some good old boy that thinks all brothers look the same.
00:16:24But how are you so sure they want you in the first place?
00:16:27See, these days they need at least one token.
00:16:30One.
00:16:31You think you're gonna be the only minority trying to get in?
00:16:33Mm-mm.
00:16:34What are you gonna do about your competition?
00:16:35Oh, let me show them.
00:16:36Tough.
00:16:37Okay.
00:16:38You ready?
00:16:39You ready?
00:16:40Do it.
00:16:41Action.
00:16:42No.
00:16:43No.
00:16:44That's not what we rehearsed.
00:16:45All right.
00:16:46You say action.
00:16:47I'll do it to him.
00:16:48Don't say action.
00:16:49Don't say action.
00:16:50Tomorrow.
00:16:51Don't say action.
00:16:52No, no, no.
00:16:53You said I'm gonna do it.
00:16:54I'm gonna do it all.
00:16:55No, you said I'm gonna do it.
00:16:56No, you said I could do it.
00:16:57You said I could do it, you said I could do it.
00:16:58He did it, he did it.
00:16:59Yeah, we'll break through.
00:17:00You did it, he did it, he did it.
00:17:02I said move you to the beat.
00:17:03Greetings, gentleman.
00:17:04I'm here to rush.
00:17:05What is your name?
00:17:06Ah, what is your name?
00:17:11Chet Buttersworth?
00:17:12Chet Buttersworth?
00:17:14That's my name.
00:17:16Head on in.
00:17:20Next-generation, deep space now,
00:17:22that's an offshore equity hedge account, Rob.
00:17:24There?
00:17:26It's got several advantages
00:17:28on our JavaScript.
00:17:30Nice to meet you. Chet Buttersworth.
00:17:32Listen, don't you guys find
00:17:34a little odd that they have the white
00:17:36people over there?
00:17:38And other
00:17:40people right here? Well, we just sort of
00:17:42congregated here by chance. Chance, that's
00:17:44funny. What's your name? Zach. Zach.
00:17:46Kinda tall for Asian,
00:17:48is what they're saying. Me? I'm like, he's
00:17:50a human being. You guys know about the
00:17:52theme parties they had last year? No?
00:17:54Okay, just to name a few.
00:17:56No-fly list. I've been
00:17:58working on the railroad. They want you to build
00:18:00a wall outside, right outside the fret. They're like,
00:18:02he doesn't even speak English. I'm like, he does speak English, right?
00:18:06Okay. Guys,
00:18:08you can be a part of the problem, or you can
00:18:10be a part of the revolution. Yeah?
00:18:12What do you guys say? We all come together.
00:18:14Make it really explosive, no pun
00:18:16intended, and we fight this thing.
00:18:18We're not gonna put up with any racist bullshit.
00:18:20We're gonna take back the night. Take back
00:18:22the night's a women's movement. Don't kill my
00:18:24momentum, Zachary. I'm on a roll right now, okay?
00:18:26Guys, new slogan just for you.
00:18:28Token is broken. Cool?
00:18:30Token is broken. Token is broken.
00:18:32Token is broken. Token is broken.
00:18:34Mark, token is broken. Yeah, token is broken.
00:18:36Come on, black leader pack.
00:18:38The A's is trailblazing.
00:18:40Wherever you are, en estano.
00:18:42Andale!
00:18:44Token is broken. Token is broken.
00:18:46Token is broken.
00:18:48Thank God they're gone, right?
00:18:50Don't worry, fellas. I'm one of the good ones.
00:18:52You know, I would say that I'm slightly
00:18:54over-qualified for your organization,
00:18:56but I play golf.
00:18:58So, I mean, you know, that's cool.
00:19:00Got a hole in one.
00:19:02I'm into polo. Both kinds.
00:19:04Ultimate frisbee, as I call it, ultimate frizz.
00:19:06I was the captain of that for four years straight.
00:19:08Turned downhill.
00:19:10Wow. That's Harvard and Yale.
00:19:12Yeah, wow.
00:19:14So, what do you think? Pretty good group this year?
00:19:16Yo.
00:19:18I think I know that guy.
00:19:20Didn't he, like, come through here trying to pretend
00:19:22to be a fire inspector or some shit?
00:19:24Which kid?
00:19:26Oh, come on, man. That's not okay.
00:19:28That's not okay.
00:19:30You're basically saying that all black people
00:19:32look the same to you.
00:19:34That's like the litmus test for racism.
00:19:36What? I'm not saying that, man.
00:19:38I'm saying that's the same black person
00:19:40who came through here and stole Eddie's hoverboard.
00:19:42Oh, and now he's a thief, hmm?
00:19:44Will you listen to me, man?
00:19:46I'm the least racist a you know!
00:19:50Ha-ha.
00:19:54I was out of context, fam.
00:19:56Ha-ha.
00:19:58Like you never said it, Roger!
00:20:00What are you thinking?
00:20:04Fraternities get sued over this kind of stuff all the time.
00:20:06Sued for what, man?
00:20:08He ain't got no damages.
00:20:10You know me.
00:20:12How could I hate black people? I ride the bus.
00:20:14Oh, my God. Don't talk near him.
00:20:16You're missing the point, man.
00:20:18That guy's up to something.
00:20:20So, you give him a bit if you want. That's cool.
00:20:22I'm gonna find out what it is.
00:20:24Just stop saying that...
00:20:26What are you doing?
00:20:31I've been working on my signature move.
00:20:33From the ropes?
00:20:34What is this, UFC or WWE?
00:20:36Are you ready?
00:20:37Uh, yeah.
00:20:38Really? Because the last time you stepped in this ring,
00:20:40you got your ass handed to you by a bunch of little kids.
00:20:42Ooh, with all due respect, you're like half my weight.
00:20:45All right, wait.
00:20:46Oh, man.
00:20:47Come on, Bonnie. Dinner first.
00:20:48God.
00:20:49Oh!
00:20:50Oh!
00:20:51Oh!
00:20:52But is this supposed to hurt or feel good?
00:20:53Like, what are we...
00:20:54Okay, okay, okay.
00:20:55You love me?
00:20:57You said you love me?
00:20:58I can't hear.
00:20:59God damn it, Del.
00:21:00If you really want to please a woman,
00:21:02why don't you please me and fix the fucking AC unit?
00:21:06All right, Ma.
00:21:08Show me that move one more time.
00:21:10I'm not gonna ask you again, Del.
00:21:12Okay.
00:21:14So you got rid of your competition.
00:21:16Sounds like you impressed him.
00:21:18What happens now?
00:21:19Now?
00:21:20All we can do is wait.
00:21:21Hope that my good looks and charm,
00:21:22along with their white guilt and fear of lawsuits,
00:21:24is enough to get me in.
00:21:25All right, come on.
00:21:26One, two.
00:21:29Yo, I can't believe we're giving this guy a bid.
00:21:31Are you guys sure this is it?
00:21:33You know, most freshmen live in the dorms.
00:21:35Told you there was something about this guy.
00:21:37So it's off campus.
00:21:38Off campus?
00:21:39This is the ghetto, man.
00:21:40Um, technically we also live in the ghetto.
00:21:42True, but that's the good ghetto.
00:21:44This is like the ghetto ghetto.
00:21:45Wow.
00:21:46And I thought you didn't have a problem with black people.
00:21:49Oh, you can't...
00:21:50That's not fair, all right?
00:21:52I'm drawing an economic distinction, not a racial one.
00:21:55Uh, granted, but given the racially charged history of this country,
00:21:58can we really separate the two with anything even approaching anyone?
00:22:01Hey!
00:22:02Enough!
00:22:03Let's just all agree, it's super confusing being a white male in today's society.
00:22:08Okay?
00:22:09Now.
00:22:10Hoods up.
00:22:11Over here.
00:22:12Tapa Alpha Carta!
00:22:13Tapa Alpha Carta!
00:22:14Tapa Alpha Carta!
00:22:15Tapa Alpha Carta!
00:22:16Tapa Alpha Carta!
00:22:17Let's go!
00:22:18Let's go!
00:22:19Tapa Carta!
00:22:20Tapa Alpha Carta!
00:22:21Tapa Alpha Carta!
00:22:22Let's go!
00:22:23Let's go!
00:22:24Let's go!
00:22:25What do you think I'm gonna do, huh?
00:22:26Watching this movie last night, you know?
00:22:29Made me mad as a motherfucker.
00:22:31You ever seen All My Stuff?
00:22:33Mm-hmm.
00:22:34Man, it was crazy.
00:22:38Yo, check this out.
00:22:40What the fuck?
00:22:42Watch this movie.
00:22:43Man, where is this shit?
00:22:44Man, where is this shit?
00:22:45You can't get anything.
00:22:46It's like the internet stops in this neighborhood.
00:22:47Are you sure you wrote it down right?
00:22:48Uh, yeah, the address he gave us was for that gym back there.
00:22:49Yo, I told you he was playing us.
00:22:50No, don't jump to conclusions.
00:22:51Look, let's just ask somebody, okay?
00:22:52Oh, these guys look like they know the lay of the land.
00:22:53Hey!
00:22:54Ugh!
00:22:55Ah!
00:22:56That.
00:22:57That.
00:22:58That.
00:22:59That.
00:23:00That.
00:23:01That.
00:23:02That.
00:23:03That.
00:23:04That.
00:23:05That.
00:23:06That.
00:23:07That.
00:23:08That.
00:23:09That.
00:23:10That.
00:23:11That.
00:23:12That.
00:23:13That.
00:23:14That.
00:23:15That.
00:23:16That.
00:23:17That.
00:23:18That.
00:23:19That.
00:23:20That.
00:23:21That.
00:23:22Evening, fellas.
00:23:23Oh, gotta get low.
00:23:24Lowrider.
00:23:25Uh, we think we might be a little bit lost here.
00:23:29Yeah, I'd say so.
00:23:31Right?
00:23:32You know, wondering if you might be able to help us out, though.
00:23:35I think we might have gotten the wrong address.
00:23:37Looking for a fellow by the name of Chet Buttersworth?
00:23:40African-American gentleman.
00:23:41Not that that means you would necessarily know him, but not that it doesn't, you know?
00:23:46Uh, skin tone is sort of, uh, right in between you in the front and you in the back.
00:23:50Although, with the shadows, I can't totally tell.
00:23:53Um, what else?
00:23:54What else?
00:23:55What else?
00:23:56Uh, well, we're here to kidnap him as part of our initiation ritual.
00:23:59Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh
00:24:29You know the owner, you good.
00:24:31Look at you, falling out.
00:24:32Play, play, play, play, play, play.
00:24:33And out of the chair she goes,
00:24:37and around and around she goes.
00:24:40Now, I'm gonna teach you some dance moves.
00:24:41What you got?
00:24:42You're not taking me serious.
00:24:43Now, girls, start with the right.
00:24:44Just hurry.
00:24:45Watch, you're gonna fall in love.
00:24:46Look back there.
00:24:47Look back at it.
00:24:48I don't want to.
00:24:48Look back at it.
00:24:49I've never seen this.
00:24:50Is this what they do in the girls?
00:24:51Look, go ahead, let me see what you got.
00:24:54Yes, look at you.
00:24:56Now, for my closer, this is what I do in the face.
00:24:58One, two, three, four, spin, and grab.
00:25:02Hey, come on, don't chop it up real smoothly.
00:25:05Oh, no, no, he about to get wrapped.
00:25:08Let's go.
00:25:09Guys, just watch out because there's almost certainly a pit bull.
00:25:11Who the hell is that?
00:25:12Uh, I got a pretty good idea.
00:25:14Wait here, don't get seen, I will be right back.
00:25:17I mean, that's not a house, man.
00:25:18I don't think any of these are houses.
00:25:20I just want to kidnap somebody.
00:25:22Hey, can I help you, gentlemen?
00:25:24Hey, Chad, how are you?
00:25:26What's up, man?
00:25:27I live here.
00:25:30I volunteer here.
00:25:31Um, why are you guys wearing Klan robes?
00:25:34No.
00:25:34No, no, no.
00:25:35No, see, if our heads are rounded, they want someone to go a little bit.
00:25:38It's an egg shell.
00:25:39It's a different shade of white, totally different.
00:25:42Totally different, and besides, you know,
00:25:45our fraternity actually predates the Klan by over a decade,
00:25:48so the real question is why are they wearing our robes, you know?
00:25:52Why are they wearing our robes?
00:25:57Yeah, y'all wearing Klan robes.
00:25:59Okay, well, agree to disagree, and shifting gears, congratulations.
00:26:04We're here because Cap Alpha Chi is officially giving you a bid.
00:26:07We're here to kidnap you for initiation.
00:26:09Woo!
00:26:10Uh, but first, quick order of business here.
00:26:14The university requires us to get your signature on this consent form.
00:26:18Basically, it just says that you're comfortable with us physically
00:26:20abducting you for the initiation.
00:26:23Sign there.
00:26:24Okay, cool.
00:26:25And an initial here for the robe.
00:26:27Uh-huh.
00:26:27Great, thank you.
00:26:28And then down here for the simulated kidnapping language.
00:26:32Sure.
00:26:32Which will be harsh.
00:26:34Here we go.
00:26:35Perfect.
00:26:36Let's do this!
00:26:36Here, put this one.
00:26:37Here, put this one.
00:26:38Okay, whoa.
00:26:39Oh.
00:26:40You got it.
00:26:41The head is right there.
00:26:42Give me your arm.
00:26:43Here we go.
00:26:43All right, looks good on you.
00:26:46Red dress.
00:26:48Okay, yeah, let's hood up here.
00:26:50Yeah.
00:26:50Boom.
00:26:53We should probably carry you to the car if you're comfortable with that.
00:26:56We'll just lift you up.
00:26:58Yeah, sure, let's do it.
00:26:59Let's go, let's go, motherfucker, you tell me what I'm up!
00:27:01Whoa, whoa, whoa, support the back, support the back.
00:27:03Oh, oh, oh, oh, you know what?
00:27:05We had a bit of a thing out front.
00:27:08Uh, is there a back entrance by any chance?
00:27:10Yeah, right back there.
00:27:11Perfect, great, thanks.
00:27:12Let's go, motherfucker!
00:27:13I ain't gonna fucking touch you!
00:27:15Whoa!
00:27:16You only say that's just language.
00:27:18Get down, motherfucker!
00:27:19Put it up!
00:27:19Shit!
00:27:20I got it, I got it, I got it.
00:27:21I got it, I got it, I got it.
00:27:23Shut up, please!
00:27:24Well, well, well.
00:27:28Back, hold back!
00:27:29Here you go, there you go, there you go, wallet.
00:27:33Take that shit off.
00:27:42I got this.
00:27:45Hey, we all cool, man.
00:27:47We ain't trying to cause no ruckus, you feel me, dawgs?
00:27:52I ain't feeling shit, dawg.
00:27:54Fuck is you?
00:27:56I'm Barack.
00:27:58Barack.
00:28:01Like Barack Obama?
00:28:03Exactly.
00:28:03Except my man spells it a little differently.
00:28:08Spells it differently how?
00:28:12B-R-O-C-K.
00:28:15Man, there ain't no damn Barack.
00:28:16That's Barack.
00:28:17The whitest fucking name in the universe.
00:28:23Grand Dragon here, got a hand problem?
00:28:28Oh, is that pillowcase worth your life, ?
00:28:32Let me just take it off.
00:28:33Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:28:39Del.
00:28:40Del.
00:28:41It's a neighborhood nickname, Buttersworth Del Barrio.
00:28:44They call me Del for short.
00:28:45Subtract, Redbone Willis was popping.
00:28:48What the hell is you doing, man?
00:28:49It's not what it looks like.
00:28:51Looks like you got yourself caught up
00:28:52in some racist fraternity bullshit.
00:28:55Oh, OK.
00:28:56Well, then it is exactly what it looks like.
00:28:59Let's just chill with the burners and stuff, man.
00:29:01No need to get mad.
00:29:02Just trying to do a little thing with my white friends here.
00:29:04Don't take offense to it.
00:29:05The closest they've ever been to a black man
00:29:06is retweeting Kanye, so.
00:29:09That's us.
00:29:11Del.
00:29:12OK, Eddie.
00:29:15How can I say no to Dre's son?
00:29:20All right.
00:29:21But you boys best be on your way
00:29:22before you run into somebody a little less understanding than me.
00:29:29Yeah, OK.
00:29:31It was super nice meeting you guys.
00:29:33Yeah, and sorry for assuming about the wallets.
00:29:36No offense.
00:29:37Oh, no.
00:29:39We're still going to need those wallets.
00:29:40Listen up, scumbags.
00:29:45We about to see who has what it takes
00:29:47to become a Kappa Alpha Chi brother.
00:29:50Whatever you think is about to happen, I promise you, it's worse.
00:29:54It's your pledge, master.
00:29:57I'm a...
00:29:58Eyes down, no eye contact, look at me.
00:30:01Look at him, look at me, look down.
00:30:03Never look at me, you're not on my level.
00:30:05I'm going to make sure you weak little fledglings
00:30:08will run through that gauntlet
00:30:11and you're properly prepared
00:30:15for a lifelong brotherhood built on booze.
00:30:20That pussy.
00:30:22And a general kick-ass.
00:30:24Yeah!
00:30:25Yeah!
00:30:26Yeah!
00:30:27Yeah!
00:30:28Yeah!
00:30:29Yeah!
00:30:30Yeah!
00:30:31Yeah!
00:30:32Yeah!
00:30:33Yeah!
00:30:34First thing you slaves are going to do is...
00:30:37Trigger warning!
00:30:42Sidebar.
00:30:46Man, what the fuck?
00:30:47I was...
00:30:48Hey!
00:30:49I'm not sure we should call the Pledge of Slaves this year.
00:30:53But we always call them slaves.
00:30:55I know, but...
00:30:57Don't you think this year feels a little different?
00:31:01Yeah, you guys talking about the slave thing?
00:31:03Yeah.
00:31:04Um, I've always felt a teensy bit uncomfortable about that.
00:31:06Yo, the word slave doesn't necessarily have to refer to, like, Civil War era black slaves.
00:31:11In fact, it's actually derived from the white Slavic people who were taken as slaves in the ninth century.
00:31:15But that doesn't change the fact that in this day and age, the word slave is a racially charged term
00:31:20that harkens back to a truly disgraceful period in this nation's history.
00:31:24True.
00:31:25But isn't it more racist to change our tradition simply because we got a black pledge?
00:31:30Look, I am so glad we're finally having this discussion.
00:31:33Let me talk to him.
00:31:34I'll talk to him.
00:31:35You go talk to him.
00:31:36Hey, man, how's it going?
00:31:37So far so good, thank you.
00:31:38Listen, um, I just wanted to check in with you.
00:31:39Some of the guys seem to be pretty set on when referring to the pledges as slaves, and I just sort of wanted to get your take on that as a, um, well, I just wanted to get your take, um, keeping in mind that when we use the term we in no way mean, you know, 19th century cotton-picking slaves.
00:31:55Just sort of a vague term of subservience.
00:31:56Yeah, listen, I understand that I'm a pledge and there's certain things that come along with that, but there's gonna be a problem if you guys are calling me slave.
00:32:01Say no more.
00:32:02Nope.
00:32:03Okay, then.
00:32:04Okay, then.
00:32:05First thing you pledges are gonna do is...
00:32:11Okay, then.
00:32:16First thing you pledges are gonna do is...
00:32:20Get down on your hands and knees.
00:32:35And clean the house with toothbrushes.
00:32:40Yeah, look at the cover, man.
00:32:42Amazing.
00:32:43This whole time I'm thinking it's gonna be good.
00:32:45Yeah, look at the cover, man.
00:32:46Boom.
00:32:47Amazing.
00:32:48This whole time I'm thinking it's gonna be a lot worse.
00:32:51Like shaving each other's balls.
00:32:52Or, like, you guys branding us with irons.
00:32:54Or making us off with hot sauce.
00:32:56But cleaning the house with a toothbrush?
00:32:58I'll do that no problem.
00:33:00No problem, huh?
00:33:01All right.
00:33:02This your toothbrush?
00:33:05Okay.
00:33:06What do you think's gonna happen?
00:33:08Oh, hey, little princess.
00:33:09Wanna see the cave of treasures?
00:33:12Oh.
00:33:14Oh!
00:33:15It's down there!
00:33:16Ooh!
00:33:17That tickles, little.
00:33:18What is wrong?
00:33:19Oh, it's got the tongue scraper.
00:33:21Ooh-hoo-hoo-hoo!
00:33:24Oh, that's yours now.
00:33:25Mm-mm.
00:33:26Mm-mm.
00:33:27Yeah, let's cut your mustache.
00:33:28Come on, now.
00:33:29We're gonna clean with it, pledge.
00:33:30I'm not gonna...
00:33:31You're gonna take it!
00:33:33You smell that shit?
00:33:34Ooh, guys.
00:33:35Smell your own shit.
00:33:36Guys, any of y'all want me to clean the house with this?
00:33:38No.
00:33:39Absolutely not.
00:33:40Homie, it's the all-up wall.
00:33:42I gotta keep my enemies close.
00:33:44And if you want my bread, then I'll give you the toast.
00:33:47Stayed by the jacks while a jackie chose.
00:33:49Ha-ha.
00:33:50That's a hood plan.
00:33:51Cause it's the all-up wall.
00:33:53I gotta keep my enemies close.
00:33:54That's Buttersworth.
00:33:55You want my bread, then I'll give you the toast.
00:33:57Yo, Buttersworth.
00:33:58Oh.
00:33:59Yo, what's up, Brock?
00:34:00What's up, man?
00:34:01Come with me.
00:34:02I got a special assignment for you.
00:34:04Okay.
00:34:05After you.
00:34:06Okay.
00:34:07Now, most times, this area's for brothers only.
00:34:13It's off-limits to lowly pledges such as yourself without a proper escort.
00:34:18Ugh.
00:34:19What is that smell?
00:34:21That smell could be a number of things.
00:34:24Mm, take it in.
00:34:26Definitely that.
00:34:28What is that?
00:34:31Brother Snyder was one of the best of us.
00:34:36House president, majoring in international relations.
00:34:402.8 grade point average.
00:34:42Captain of the swim team.
00:34:44He died in this thing?
00:34:45Yeah, he drowned.
00:34:47Mm-hmm.
00:34:48As the legend goes, Brother Snyder was found in a fetid pool of hot tub water jello shots.
00:34:54And a lot of vomit.
00:34:56Oh, smells like you haven't changed it since.
00:34:59Of course we haven't.
00:35:00Ugh!
00:35:01That would disgrace our fallen brother.
00:35:03Of course.
00:35:04Hey, look, Buttersworth.
00:35:05Mm-hmm.
00:35:06I tried to give you a dirty toothbrush before, and I'm sorry about that, okay?
00:35:09That wasn't cool of me.
00:35:10Wasn't?
00:35:11Oops.
00:35:12So I got you a fresh one.
00:35:13My man.
00:35:14Uh-oh.
00:35:15I'm so clumsy.
00:35:16But go ahead and get that for me, Platt.
00:35:19Ooh!
00:35:20You, you, you're evil.
00:35:21Oh, shit!
00:35:22Ugh, son of a bitch!
00:35:23Fuck, Buttersworth!
00:35:24Settle down, man!
00:35:25Just get the toothbrush and clean it!
00:35:27Dick teeth!
00:35:28Ah!
00:35:29Ah!
00:35:30Ah!
00:35:31Ah!
00:35:32Ah!
00:35:33Ah!
00:35:34Ah!
00:35:35Ah!
00:35:36Ah!
00:35:37Ah!
00:35:38Ah!
00:35:39Ah!
00:35:40Ah!
00:35:41Ah!
00:35:42Ah!
00:35:43Ah!
00:35:44Ah!
00:35:45Ah!
00:35:46Ah!
00:35:47Ah!
00:35:48Ah!
00:35:49You, I mean, just, just start from the bottom.
00:35:50Just start cleaning.
00:35:51Ah!
00:35:52Ah!
00:35:53You were so close to the money!
00:35:55Yo, he didn't leave.
00:35:57He was watching the whole time.
00:35:59So, so what else they have you do?
00:36:00Oh, did you have to do the elephant walk?
00:36:02What's the elephant walk?
00:36:03It's basically when you put one thumb in the guy's asshole in front of you,
00:36:06and then you got the other thumb in your mouth.
00:36:08And when they all switch, you switch.
00:36:10So basically, you eating an assicle?
00:36:12It's an urban legend.
00:36:14Man, I ain't eating no assicle.
00:36:16I'm done with this, man.
00:36:17I'm out.
00:36:18You can't put up with it a little longer?
00:36:20It's a lot of money.
00:36:21And if my vote count for anything, I say we stay on this particular project.
00:36:25We?
00:36:26Druce, ain't no we, bruh.
00:36:28It's been me.
00:36:29Me in the frat house.
00:36:30Me digging through some puke, trying to find a fucking toothbrush.
00:36:32And what, you saying the elephant walk next?
00:36:34I ain't doing that, bruh.
00:36:35We make one wrong move, they call the cops who go to jail.
00:36:37You?
00:36:38Alicia?
00:36:39No, it's me.
00:36:40Me in the cell next to my dad.
00:36:41Family reunion in Folsom.
00:36:43I ain't no criminal like my father.
00:36:45I've been doing this, ain't no progress.
00:36:47Let's face it, man.
00:36:48We not getting nothing out that house.
00:36:50Did I just hear the son of Andre Goodloe decide to give up?
00:36:55Oh, shit.
00:36:58Uncle Leon.
00:36:59I know that's not how my brother raised you.
00:37:01I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to be out of jail for at least one, 200 years.
00:37:05I decided it was time to make some lifestyle changes.
00:37:09You broke out of prison?
00:37:10Leon Goodloe?
00:37:11Am I seeing a ghost?
00:37:12Or is that just wishful thinking?
00:37:13Is that my best girl, Roberta?
00:37:14I ain't a girl and I ain't yours.
00:37:15What the fuck are you doing here, Leon?
00:37:16Maybe I'm here to finally charm your ass into doing what we should have done a long time ago.
00:37:30I'll remind you that I am a good Christian married woman.
00:37:33Not like Dre's turning down dick in prison.
00:37:35Why should you?
00:37:36What?
00:37:37I'm gonna give you a moment to think long and hard before you say any other nasty shit.
00:37:41You don't want me to call the police on your fugitive ass.
00:37:43Oh, you would do that?
00:37:44Oh, I would.
00:37:45Well, what you gonna tell them about what your boys got into?
00:37:49What you been up to, Del?
00:37:51Nothing.
00:37:52You just gonna believe him just like that?
00:37:55Give me a reason not to.
00:37:56He's a liar.
00:37:57He's a felon.
00:37:58Yup.
00:37:59You know what, Mom?
00:38:00Don't even worry about that.
00:38:01You got so much on your plate.
00:38:02I'm gonna handle this.
00:38:03And especially because I'm the man of the house now.
00:38:04It's about...
00:38:05Since when?
00:38:06I'm really...
00:38:07Just shut up.
00:38:08Listen, Mom.
00:38:09I'm sorry.
00:38:10Just please, please, please.
00:38:11I'm begging.
00:38:12Just let me handle this.
00:38:13Alright.
00:38:14I'll let you handle it.
00:38:16Okay.
00:38:17But if I find out you've been doing anything to bring shame on my household, Del,
00:38:20you will no longer be a part of that household.
00:38:25You got me?
00:38:26Yes, ma'am.
00:38:27Out on your ass.
00:38:29Can I?
00:38:30Shut your mouth, Juice.
00:38:33Leon.
00:38:35Roberta.
00:38:41So, y'all got my money yet?
00:38:43Money?
00:38:44What?
00:38:45I got money.
00:38:47Money.
00:38:48I know I'm broke, so I got...
00:38:50You got chapstick.
00:38:51You can use, huh?
00:38:53You want some...
00:38:54The bottom lip a little ashy.
00:38:55Alright.
00:38:56Yeah.
00:38:57Okay.
00:38:58Okay.
00:38:59I get it.
00:39:00See, you hang with stupid, so you assume everybody's stupid.
00:39:03But not me.
00:39:04See, after I attained my freedom, I drove by the old place where me and your father stashed
00:39:10our money.
00:39:11And guess what?
00:39:13They turned that shit into a mother fraternity!
00:39:17Really?
00:39:18Yeah.
00:39:19Wow.
00:39:20Now that was a surprise.
00:39:21But you know what was a shock?
00:39:23What's that?
00:39:24When I saw my ghetto ass nephew walking out of that fraternity like he fucking belonged
00:39:30there.
00:39:31Uh...
00:39:32Me?
00:39:33Oh yeah, oh yeah!
00:39:34It slipped my mind.
00:39:35I had went back to go to school and the guys was cool, but...
00:39:38You did.
00:39:39You did.
00:39:40There's money in the basement?
00:39:41I didn't know there was money there.
00:39:42Okay.
00:39:43Let me get this drunk.
00:39:44Okay?
00:39:45Let's make it clear.
00:39:47You got all studied up on your SATs and shit.
00:39:51Yeah, I did get an 800 on my SATs.
00:39:53It's out of 1600, mother .
00:39:55I'm gonna take the second half later.
00:39:58Then magically, you came up with the money to attend one of the most expensive ass schools
00:40:04in the country.
00:40:05And then on a whim, joined a fraternity that just so happened to be at the same address
00:40:11as the place where we stash our money from the bank job.
00:40:15Is that right?
00:40:17You know what?
00:40:19This is the problem.
00:40:20This is exactly why a young black man can achieve greatness in this country.
00:40:23Because of the doubters, the haters.
00:40:26This is the first good lord to go to college.
00:40:28You can't be happy for your nephew for just one minute.
00:40:32Okay.
00:40:33But you gotta admit, that's a crazy coincidence, ain't it?
00:40:37It's kind of crazy.
00:40:38It's crazy.
00:40:39It's crazy.
00:40:40It's crazy.
00:40:41It's crazy.
00:40:42Where's my funny, Dale?
00:40:43Shit.
00:40:44Okay, okay.
00:40:45Uncle Leon, just chill.
00:40:46Look, if you gonna blast me, then blast me.
00:40:47But that don't change the fact that I still don't got the money.
00:40:50Okay?
00:40:51Oh, okay.
00:40:52Okay.
00:40:53Is this your girlfriend?
00:40:56Nope.
00:40:58I mean, she do be liking my pictures on Instagram late at night, so...
00:41:04You ever see somebody get their face blown apart, Dale?
00:41:07I have.
00:41:08Now ask yourself, do you want this to be the last memory of this girl right here?
00:41:14Because that shit sticks with you.
00:41:16Believe.
00:41:17All right, look, I've been trying to get the money, all right?
00:41:22But it hasn't been easy.
00:41:24I'm pledging this house.
00:41:25But these guys, they're in tents.
00:41:26You know what I'm saying?
00:41:27They never go to sleep, but I'm close.
00:41:28I'm real close.
00:41:29Just give me a few more days and I'll have your money.
00:41:32I just need more time, all right?
00:41:34All right.
00:41:36I'll give you two days to do your thing.
00:41:38Two days and two nights or just a flat?
00:41:39Two days!
00:41:40All right.
00:41:41If you don't get it, I'm gonna go in there my damn self.
00:41:44Maybe your way, those Kappa Gamma b**** won't get they dick shot off.
00:41:50Oh.
00:41:51Mm-hmm.
00:41:52Now I'm gonna go in here with your sexy-ass mama and see if she can make me some of her
00:41:58world-famous sassy eggs.
00:42:01Come on, man.
00:42:10What, Juice?
00:42:11Does this affect my 5%?
00:42:20What?
00:42:21What?
00:42:22What?
00:42:23My baby brought me a beer.
00:42:24Thank you, man.
00:42:25That's a good beer.
00:42:26That's your baby boy.
00:42:27He looks like me a little bit, right?
00:42:29I see you there.
00:42:30Suck it.
00:42:31Suck it!
00:42:32Suck it!
00:42:33Yeah!
00:42:34Oh, yeah!
00:42:35I got the first place.
00:42:36Oh!
00:42:37Oh!
00:42:38Yeah!
00:42:39Oh!
00:42:40Yeah!
00:42:41Oh!
00:42:42Yeah!
00:42:43Okay, so, my thing is, I can always tell him they don't use real dinosaurs in movies.
00:42:47Yeah, baby!
00:42:48That's it. That's it. That's all it's done.
00:43:04Let's go.
00:43:04What are you doing in here, man?
00:43:07You should be out there with the other babies.
00:43:09Yeah, I just want to use the bathroom real quick.
00:43:11Just real quick.
00:43:12What do you think that diaper's for?
00:43:17Nah, I'm just...
00:43:18No, but there's no bathroom in there man. That's the basement. There's no need to go in there
00:43:26Listen man, sometimes I just need a place to think like clear my thoughts and I just died down there will be best I
00:43:32Get it man. I know this hazing stuff. It's exhausting. Yes, so it's asking degrading got me the diaper
00:43:40Oh, it's silly man, but once you make it through this
00:43:44we're brothers
00:43:46family
00:43:48Tell each other secrets watch each other's backs
00:43:52So you're gonna join this family
00:43:56Yeah, man, I'm gonna do it, okay
00:43:59What I have to hit this basement man, what are you talking about get out there with the babies come on man do the baby walk though
00:44:06Do that do that baby walk there it go. Hey
00:44:10Yeah, glad we had this talk man
00:44:12Listen up babies you may think pledging is all diapers
00:44:19binkies and verbal abuse
00:44:22But it's also about giving back to the community
00:44:24So our red-hot bros and filthy rich females charity gal is coming up and you dirtbags
00:44:30along with our beautiful selves
00:44:32Are gonna be auctioned off to the highest bidders from our sister sorority
00:44:37Trigger warning
00:44:38Oh T.W. T.W. T.W. T.W. what's that pledge butters were I'm sorry. I just thought I heard him say that you guys were gonna auction us off
00:44:45Well, yeah in order to raise money for local charities. You'll be auctioned off. Oh, I hear it now
00:44:51Oh shit
00:44:52Come on, man. You can't be serious
00:44:54Oh, I'm sorry Barack if you and I have a slightly different reaction to the idea of us being auctioned off to rich white people outside of a plantation house
00:45:03Okay, let's broddle. Hey broddle
00:45:09No way he's getting out of this
00:45:14Hey look, I knew a black guy growing up and he was not like this man you could say anything you wanted to him. Yeah, even let me touch his hair
00:45:20What is worth? Yeah, you don't have to be auctioned off. We're gonna make you the auctioneer. It'll be empowering
00:45:34Yeah, yeah, I guess that works
00:45:36It's an affirmative auction
00:45:39I am a master. I play white guilt like Michael Jordan plays basketball. I'm talking like Stevie Wonder plays the piano
00:45:45Okay, so you're the auctioneer
00:45:47So what so since I'm in charge of the proceedings
00:45:53Yeah, don't mess this up play. I can keep me busy. Well, you guys can look for the money now
00:45:58My great great great great granddaddy would love to hear me say this get your bill folks out because we buy white people today
00:46:07But first gonna need to figure out a way to get you into the party
00:46:11How about having tits on a pulse
00:46:15That'll work
00:46:17Once everyone's outside
00:46:20Juice, you're gonna slip into the basement and make you move
00:46:23The longer I can keep the auction going the more time it buys us to look for the money
00:46:30Juice I'll make sure the tools are down there waiting for you
00:46:32Oh
00:46:34Oh yeah, oh yeah, I think that's your spot right there
00:46:39Brother Clark here is actually an amazing impressionist
00:46:42Impressionist
00:46:43No
00:46:44Yes
00:46:44Got some impressions for us, don't you?
00:46:45I do not
00:46:46Do not
00:46:47Um
00:46:48Oh
00:46:49You're a little tight
00:46:51Hey
00:46:52Okay, you kind of like my ex
00:46:54It's kind of hard to find your spot but I'm gonna find you
00:46:56Why don't you try someone that everybody knows like Denzel Washington, you know, you put your shoulders up and you're okay all right, huh?
00:47:02What are we at an auction? What are we gonna buy white people? That's what you're telling me? You're telling me you're gonna buy white people?
00:47:07What type of white people are we gonna buy, huh?
00:47:09I don't think I should do that
00:47:13And now let's get brother Ben to the stage, ladies and gentlemen
00:47:16Ben!
00:47:19Aw, come on, bro, that's not cool
00:47:20What are you talking about, man?
00:47:22John Dix is always funny
00:47:25You ladies know our resident sex bird, brother Eddie?
00:47:27I got these pigeons here, no, no, no, we put these pigeons together and we make them kimp
00:47:33Yeah, no, definitely not that one
00:47:35Do you know any comedians? Bill Cosby, do you know Bill Cosby?
00:47:38I think maybe try that
00:47:40Perfect, uh, ladies and gentlemen, Bill Cosby
00:47:46You see, when she eats the pudding, you put the quaaludes in the pudding
00:47:54And then she eats the pudding and she gets sleepy with the pudding
00:47:57And then you climb on top of her and you put in your black penis
00:48:01No, no, no, no, you don't
00:48:02I don't know what
00:48:03Guys, um, Clark, anybody want to bid on court?
00:48:05Okay, okay
00:48:07Right, now, don't play games, uh-huh
00:48:10Yeah
00:48:11Your brother don't just stand
00:48:12Okay, okay
00:48:14Ah, oh my
00:48:16Oh, oh
00:48:17These white boys got rent
00:48:19I think he put in his pants
00:48:20Way to go, way to go
00:48:22And
00:48:23And
00:48:24And
00:48:25And now a man who used a Macklemore lyric as his yearbook quote
00:48:29Brother Barack with a freestyle
00:48:30Okay, okay
00:48:36Alright, alright, okay
00:48:41Barack in the building and I'm feeling fly
00:48:44Talks like James Bond got that golden eye
00:48:47Bars on bars like the candy shop
00:48:50Bit on these girls, I make your panties drop
00:48:52Okay, once you go Barack, you might never go back
00:48:55Never go back, make your body numb like a heart attack.
00:48:59Okay, here's your chance, so pull the trigger.
00:49:02Put it down on you, cause I'm a dope ass.
00:49:09The fuck am I supposed to say today?
00:49:12Wait, did you forget about me?
00:49:15Why am I there?
00:49:17You're gonna bid on Barack.
00:49:18Look, he's been on me since I got there.
00:49:20I just need you to keep him out the basement.
00:49:22I'm not fucking him.
00:49:23What? No, no, no.
00:49:24No, never, don't do that, ever.
00:49:27You want me to fuck him?
00:49:28Huh? What?
00:49:29That's a million dollars.
00:49:30Yeah, but you are only making 50K.
00:49:33For 50Gs, my list of not-dos is pretty short.
00:49:36Okay, walk it back a step.
00:49:38You want me to win him in the auction, right?
00:49:41What am I winning him with?
00:49:43We're broke.
00:49:4436, 38, oh, I got a scratcher, wait a minute.
00:49:48Yeah.
00:49:50Yeah.
00:49:51We got 38.
00:49:5442 dollars and 68 cents.
00:49:57How is that gonna be enough?
00:49:59I'll make it be enough.
00:50:0220 dollars.
00:50:0525.
00:50:0730 dollars.
00:50:0835.
00:50:0935.
00:50:1035 dollars.
00:50:1140.
00:50:1242.
00:50:1350 dollars.
00:50:1440.
00:50:1540.
00:50:1642.
00:50:1750 dollars.
00:50:1842.
00:50:1950.
00:50:2050.
00:50:2150.
00:50:2250.
00:50:2350.
00:50:2450.
00:50:2550.
00:50:2650.
00:50:2750.
00:50:2850.
00:50:29I said $50!
00:50:30$42! Going twice!
00:50:32$50!
00:50:33Slow! To the woman in the red dress!
00:50:35Are you deaf, asshole?
00:50:37This is not how options work, dumbass.
00:50:43Nice work, Burtersworth.
00:50:46Ay, good toquero.
00:50:55Oh.
00:50:56I haven't seen you around before.
00:50:59Yeah, we should talk.
00:51:01It's nice tonight.
00:51:04You wanna go for a walk?
00:51:06Nah, I got something special for you.
00:51:09Follow me.
00:51:13Oh, yeah, I'm gonna tear this mouth down.
00:51:15Uh-huh.
00:51:16Yeah!
00:51:17Shit!
00:51:18Who found you?
00:51:24Oh, yeah.
00:51:25I found the money!
00:51:27I found the money!
00:51:28So I have one of my clueless pledges.
00:51:31Cleanest place with a toothbrush.
00:51:34You know, actually, let's just go for a drink at the bar out back.
00:51:36Hey, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:51:37Let's get out of here.
00:51:38See, the thing is, I got us all covered.
00:51:40Let's know.
00:51:41Okay.
00:51:42Okay, I'm coming.
00:51:44I got us covered down here.
00:51:46You bet on me, right?
00:51:47That's right.
00:51:48Voila!
00:51:52I whipped up this little surprise.
00:51:55Just for the occasion.
00:51:57Wow.
00:51:59You did all of this?
00:52:01That's impressive.
00:52:02Yeah.
00:52:03Okay, let's get out of here.
00:52:04I'm just feeling claustrophobic.
00:52:05Whoa, whoa, whoa!
00:52:07There's no need to be so anxious.
00:52:09Okay, you wanna talk.
00:52:11Let's talk.
00:52:12Let's get to know each other better.
00:52:24What are you looking at?
00:52:25You!
00:52:26You couldn't?
00:52:27Yeah, I'm looking to chill.
00:52:28Oh, this is dope!
00:52:31So, uh, you feel like maybe a lap dance?
00:52:35Sure.
00:52:37Oh, yeah.
00:52:40Go ahead.
00:52:42No, I meant you give me one.
00:52:45A man giving a woman a lap dance.
00:52:49It's an instant panty dropper.
00:52:54What?
00:52:55Oh, yeah.
00:52:56Okay.
00:52:58All you can handle.
00:53:00Yeah?
00:53:01Okay.
00:53:02Alright.
00:53:03You're on some feminism shit.
00:53:04Got the empowered woman.
00:53:06I'm gonna bring it, girl.
00:53:08Okay.
00:53:09Here we go.
00:53:11Woo!
00:53:12Yeah.
00:53:13Already getting so sexy.
00:53:15So good.
00:53:17Good.
00:53:18Feeling it.
00:53:19Yeah, you like that?
00:53:20Getting super wet over it.
00:53:21Yeah.
00:53:22Tell me what you want, baby.
00:53:23Just keep looking at me.
00:53:25Oh, my God.
00:53:27Woo!
00:53:28Okay.
00:53:29Love it.
00:53:30Yeah, it takes something off.
00:53:31Woo!
00:53:32See that belly button?
00:53:33Flash it again.
00:53:34Yeah.
00:53:35Oh, yeah.
00:53:36Oh, my God.
00:53:37I love it.
00:53:38Yeah, it's an in the outie.
00:53:39It's like in, but it's out.
00:53:40Woo!
00:53:41Oh, that'll be gone.
00:53:42Facing towards me.
00:53:43Yeah.
00:53:44Oh, my God.
00:53:46Oh, my God.
00:53:47So dangerous.
00:53:49Yeah.
00:53:50Justin Bieber and Austin Powers had a baby and it's you.
00:53:53Oh, that's my belly button.
00:53:54Oh, my God.
00:53:55Yeah.
00:53:56Get it off!
00:53:57And there are your pants coming off.
00:53:59Okay.
00:54:00Oh, my God.
00:54:01Oh, my God.
00:54:02It's so hot.
00:54:03Yeah.
00:54:04What is that?
00:54:05Is that a dab?
00:54:06That's called a dab.
00:54:07That's so good.
00:54:08And then you don't dab it up into your mouth.
00:54:09No!
00:54:10Oh, shit.
00:54:11Ow, girl.
00:54:12Yeah, face it.
00:54:13Oh, dude.
00:54:14Ass up.
00:54:15That's the way we like to fuck?
00:54:17You filthy, girl.
00:54:18I love it.
00:54:19Yeah?
00:54:20Yeah.
00:54:21All right.
00:54:22Man, you know, this is like a new experience for me.
00:54:24I feel both degraded and empowered.
00:54:28Is that what it's like to be a woman?
00:54:30You still there, baby?
00:54:31Oh.
00:54:32Keep your face away.
00:54:33Yeah, I'm a bad boy.
00:54:34I think I need to be spanked.
00:54:36Spanked?
00:54:37Woo-hoo-hoo.
00:54:38Yeah?
00:54:39Gone.
00:54:40I've been a bad boy.
00:54:41Ha-ha-ha.
00:54:42Punish me, girl.
00:54:43I'm so bad.
00:54:45Put something on it, girl.
00:54:47I'm ready.
00:54:48Oh!
00:54:50Fuck!
00:54:51Shit!
00:54:52That stinks!
00:54:53You're insane, girl!
00:54:54Mmm!
00:54:55I'm sorry.
00:54:56God.
00:54:59I'm in charge here.
00:55:00Shit.
00:55:01I clearly can't trust you.
00:55:02I'm gonna have to tie you up.
00:55:04Yeah.
00:55:05Keep facing the wall, bitch.
00:55:06Yeah.
00:55:07You're tighter, baby.
00:55:08Oh!
00:55:09Time for the blindfold.
00:55:11Oh.
00:55:12Oh, yeah.
00:55:14Mm-hmm.
00:55:15Yeah.
00:55:16Like that?
00:55:17Yes, ma'am.
00:55:18Damn.
00:55:19Whew.
00:55:20Mmm.
00:55:21Oh.
00:55:22Yeah.
00:55:23Hey.
00:55:24It's kinda wet.
00:55:25Yeah?
00:55:26Yeah.
00:55:27How do you think it got that way?
00:55:28Okay.
00:55:29You pungent as you is beautiful.
00:55:30Okay?
00:55:31But now it's my turn, all right?
00:55:32Hey.
00:55:33Okay.
00:55:34Yeah.
00:55:35Yeah.
00:55:36I'm in charge now.
00:55:37Look, I know you're not used to this, but I'm a brother who's not afraid to go down on
00:55:38a girl.
00:55:39Yeah?
00:55:40Yeah?
00:55:41So you just go ahead and you hike that skirt up and you're ready for some heaven.
00:55:56Okay?
00:55:57Mm-hmm.
00:55:58Wow.
00:55:59You excited?
00:56:00Okay girl, I get it.
00:56:02Get ready for some heaven, okay?
00:56:04Mm-hmm.
00:56:05You excited?
00:56:07Okay, girl, I get it.
00:56:09Oh!
00:56:10So excited.
00:56:18Oh, damn, you, like, got it all 70s and shit.
00:56:21Yeah.
00:56:22I can dig a natural.
00:56:24Hey, what's up, everybody?
00:56:26Hey, we got the money.
00:56:27No, no, no.
00:56:28Hey, hey, no Snapchat, no Instagram, no nothing, man.
00:56:31How's your phone even working?
00:56:32Y'all ain't got no goosebumps?
00:56:33This shit waterproof.
00:56:34All right, man, stop with the pictures.
00:56:36Open that shit up.
00:56:37Let's see what we got.
00:56:38Yes.
00:56:39Get it, baby.
00:56:43How does it smell?
00:56:44How does it feel?
00:56:46Okay.
00:56:47We got a Blockbuster DVD of Encino, man.
00:56:51You say what?
00:56:52Yeah, take a look.
00:56:53All right.
00:56:54Oh, we got a mixtape.
00:56:56The Big Booty Grind mix.
00:56:58Big Booty Grind?
00:56:59Yeah.
00:57:00What the fuck is that?
00:57:01We got a Zima.
00:57:02No, the money.
00:57:03Look it.
00:57:04Oh, it's a note.
00:57:05What?
00:57:06All right.
00:57:07Dear Kappa Alpha Chi, brothers of the future,
00:57:08we are burying this time capsule in the wall of our house
00:57:10in hopes that you will one day uncover it
00:57:12and see how your ancestors party.
00:57:14What is the future like?
00:57:16Are there blowjob robots?
00:57:17A fucking time capsule?
00:57:19What's a time capsule?
00:57:20No money?
00:57:21Everybody gonna get their dick shot off.
00:57:23I do love Encino men, though.
00:57:26Yo.
00:57:27Yo, Dale.
00:57:28Fuck!
00:57:29Shit!
00:57:30Fuck!
00:57:31Man, this is your car!
00:57:32Give me that thing!
00:57:34Fuck this shit!
00:57:36We tried.
00:57:37It's over.
00:57:38Maybe it's not, man.
00:57:39If we got in the basement once, we can get in there again.
00:57:42How?
00:57:43We barely got in there tonight.
00:57:45Uncle Leo's gonna track us down and it's over.
00:57:47What don't y'all get?
00:57:50I'm done with this shit.
00:57:51For real this time.
00:57:53Wow.
00:57:55Dale Goodloe not following through on something.
00:57:57I can't believe it.
00:58:00And what's that supposed to mean?
00:58:02You've never seen anything through in your whole life.
00:58:06But then your dad told you about the money,
00:58:08and I saw a side of you I've never seen before.
00:58:12We're taking charge.
00:58:15Coming up with plans.
00:58:17Trying to do right by your mom.
00:58:19Charming your way into a rich frat house.
00:58:21I mean, for a second there.
00:58:24I was actually impressed by you.
00:58:27You know, I thought you were doing this to save those friends of yours from Leon.
00:58:32But if you're giving up, then I guess not.
00:58:36I mean, what do you care, right?
00:58:42Just got your sneakers and weave.
00:58:44You think I don't care?
00:58:49I got more at stake in this than both of y'all.
00:58:52What am I supposed to do, huh?
00:58:54Go in there with the bat over Uncle Leon's skull?
00:58:56What's that gonna get me?
00:58:58A broken bat, most likely.
00:59:00He's pretty solid.
00:59:01Look, Alicia, I'm not backing down.
00:59:03I just don't know how to go for it either.
00:59:05There they are.
00:59:18I hope you don't mind.
00:59:20I got in a few reps while I was waiting.
00:59:23So, what's it gonna be?
00:59:26Money bags or body bags?
00:59:29Well, definitely not the body bags.
00:59:31But we ran into some problems.
00:59:34You don't want to hear the story.
00:59:36But we don't have the money right now, so...
00:59:39Don't reach back there.
00:59:41You don't need the gun.
00:59:42That is disappointing.
00:59:44Look, like I said before, we try to get the money, and we fail.
00:59:47You can't win them all.
00:59:48Am I right?
00:59:49Relatable?
00:59:50Let's put the gun down.
00:59:51You know how many times in my life I said I tried?
00:59:54Say, like, maybe 10, 10, 15?
00:59:56Never!
00:59:57Are you crazy?
00:59:58I got a mind to teach your ass a lesson.
01:00:02No, no lesson.
01:00:03Let's just teach me a lesson over here.
01:00:04Ooh, don't touch my gun.
01:00:05Don't ever touch my gun.
01:00:07Okay, not touching the gun.
01:00:08Just touching your finger.
01:00:09Listen, touching the gun's like touching a man's dick.
01:00:11Don't touch my gun.
01:00:12Listen, he said it's his dick.
01:00:13Don't touch it.
01:00:14I'm not touching the gun.
01:00:15I'm just telling you.
01:00:16You're touching the gun.
01:00:17You're touching the gun.
01:00:18You're touching the gun.
01:00:19You're touching the gun.
01:00:20Oh!
01:00:21Oh!
01:00:22Oh, he shot him!
01:00:23I told you don't touch the gun, man!
01:00:24Shot me in the tube?
01:00:25Look, you kill us, you're not gonna get no money.
01:00:27All right?
01:00:28So let me go back to the house, and let me get the money.
01:00:3024 hours.
01:00:31That's all I need.
01:00:3224 hours.
01:00:33That's okay.
01:00:34How do I know you ain't gonna just fuck up?
01:00:36Ah, there go my sandal game.
01:00:39Do I look like I'm gonna fuck up?
01:00:41I'm sorry.
01:00:42Oh, man, he ain't gonna fuck up.
01:00:45He ain't gonna fuck up.
01:00:48You know what?
01:00:51I believe you.
01:00:52Oh, damn.
01:00:53I believe you.
01:00:54Okay, woo!
01:00:55You know what?
01:00:56For the first time, you actually look like your father's son.
01:01:00I'm proud of you.
01:01:02All right.
01:01:03All right.
01:01:04All right, motherfuckers.
01:01:0524 hours for your ass.
01:01:09And then I'm gonna come, snatch up your mama, and ride her sweet ass out of here.
01:01:16Come on with your mama stuff, man.
01:01:18All right?
01:01:19I would be better if I wasn't shot!
01:01:21Juice, come on, man.
01:01:2250 cent got shot nine times.
01:01:23You got shot on your pinky toe acting like a bitch.
01:01:24Shit hurt, okay?
01:01:25I'm about to lose a leg.
01:01:26You're fine.
01:01:27What's the play?
01:01:28I don't know a play, okay?
01:01:29You heard what he said.
01:01:30If I don't have the money, he's gonna come back, he's gonna shoot us, he's gonna go to
01:01:31the frat house and kill everybody there.
01:01:32What am I supposed to do?
01:01:33I need some anesthesia.
01:01:34You know what?
01:01:35Matter of fact, take me to the back.
01:01:36Shoot me in the head like a horse.
01:01:37Just put me down.
01:01:38Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, yeah.
01:01:39Yeah, yeah, that's it.
01:01:40No.
01:01:41No.
01:01:42No, no, no, no.
01:01:43Not put him down.
01:01:44Put him to sleep.
01:01:45Can you get me roofies?
01:01:46What?
01:01:47You know what?
01:01:48I'm insulted right now that you would think that I'm the roofie guy.
01:01:50Man, no.
01:01:51No, no, no.
01:01:52No, no, no.
01:01:53Not put him down.
01:01:54Put him to sleep.
01:01:55Can you get me roofies?
01:01:56What?
01:01:57You know what?
01:01:58I'm insulted right now that you would think that I'm the roofie guy.
01:02:01Next time I need roofies, I'll present it in a more diplomatic way.
01:02:05But for now, can you get me roofies?
01:02:08Yes or no?
01:02:09Yeah, of course.
01:02:14Gentlemen.
01:02:16Welcome to your final night of Pledgehip.
01:02:24I know this ain't been an easy time for y'all.
01:02:27Been especially hard on some of you.
01:02:30And we had to make it hard on you.
01:02:33Because what you're about to step into is so great.
01:02:37Brotherhood.
01:02:39Built on loyalty.
01:02:41Honesty.
01:02:43Trust.
01:02:45And booze and pussy.
01:02:48I love these guys, man.
01:02:49And now, in the grand tradition of our esteemed forefathers who preceded us, we will seal the bond of brotherhood through the drinking of the ceremonial punch consisting of grain alcohol, store brand fruit punch, and a little bit of liquid THC.
01:03:08Who wants to step up?
01:03:13Step up.
01:03:14Step up.
01:03:15Step up.
01:03:16Step up.
01:03:20Step up.
01:03:21Step up.
01:03:22Step up.
01:03:23Step up.
01:03:24Step up.
01:03:25To loyalty.
01:03:29Trust.
01:03:30And honesty.
01:03:32To loyalty, trust, and honesty.
01:04:02With that, we'd like to welcome you former shitbags as our brothers.
01:04:12Kappa Alpha Kappa Lai!
01:04:14Kappa Alpha Kappa Lai!
01:04:32Kappa Alpha Kappa Lai!
01:04:48I think we might have gone heavy on the THC.
01:05:02Oh man, I think I'm good.
01:05:20Oh, that punch was strong!
01:05:26Okay, um, work, work, gotta get to work!
01:05:31I don't know why, I don't know why, I don't know why we... we doing this!
01:05:48Manny, listen, I just wanna talk to you!
01:05:52What are you doing down here, Pledge?
01:05:54Don't you know who I am?
01:05:56Who the fuck are you?
01:05:58Dumb son of bitch.
01:06:00I'm you, motherfucker!
01:06:02You me?
01:06:03Oh, now hit that shit.
01:06:05We in this together, huh?
01:06:07Goddamn.
01:06:08Yeah!
01:06:13It's in the wall.
01:06:14I'm looking in the wall!
01:06:15Ready for the job!
01:06:19Yeah, I'm ready if they run up!
01:06:23I don't do money, and I will spend it!
01:06:26You son of a bitch!
01:06:27You son of a bitch!
01:06:28I'm not!
01:06:29I'm not!
01:06:30I'm not!
01:06:31I'm not!
01:06:32You son of a bitch!
01:06:34You son of a bitch.
01:07:04I got the money, motherfucker.
01:07:33Where is he?
01:07:34He should have been back here by now.
01:07:39You know what?
01:07:40I don't know.
01:07:41I can't really guess at me how long it takes to knock out a room full of white boys, snatch
01:07:45a million dollars, and drive all the way to this neighborhood in Thursday traffic.
01:07:50Evening, dummies.
01:07:55Here's the traitor.
01:08:00What the fuck did you do, Buttersworth?
01:08:03I didn't do nothing.
01:08:04I was knocked out.
01:08:05We got roofied.
01:08:06Everyone else is still out.
01:08:07Well, while we were out, someone jacked all our shit, took our read, our cash, everything.
01:08:12You doubted me about this.
01:08:13Then look what happened.
01:08:14I knew you were up to something.
01:08:15I wasn't up to nothing.
01:08:16You guys always talking about brotherhood, having each other's back through thick and
01:08:19thin.
01:08:20Something crazy happens, this how y'all act?
01:08:22Come on.
01:08:23You're not my brother.
01:08:27You're a fucking thief.
01:08:28If I'm not a thief, I would never steal y'all's shit.
01:08:32But I think I know who did.
01:08:34So what I'll do is I'll go get it for y'all, and I'll come right back.
01:08:38Because where I'm from, that's what brothers do.
01:08:40We have each other's back.
01:08:41Let's just ease up.
01:08:43Hey.
01:08:44You're not going anywhere.
01:08:49At least not by yourself.
01:08:50A Kappa Alpha Chi brother never stands alone, so if you're going, we're going.
01:08:54Come on!
01:08:55Look at this.
01:08:56That's great.
01:08:57That's real good.
01:08:58Cute.
01:08:59I think I'm going to handle this one on my own.
01:09:01You guys just chill here.
01:09:02All right?
01:09:03I don't think so, but it's worth it.
01:09:06You don't have to do anything on your own anymore.
01:09:09You're Kappa Alpha Chi now.
01:09:11You guys don't understand.
01:09:12This guy is real.
01:09:13Trust me, he's dangerous.
01:09:14Y'all just stay here and chill.
01:09:16I got there.
01:09:17Not a chance.
01:09:18These guys are right.
01:09:20You got your back.
01:09:23Family now, right?
01:09:25Kappa Alpha Chi for life.
01:09:28Kappa Alpha Chi for life.
01:09:29Kappa Alpha Chi for life.
01:09:31All right.
01:09:32Kappa Alpha Chi for life.
01:09:34Woo!
01:09:35You know there's like a bunch of dicks on your face?
01:09:40Like a bunch.
01:09:41Yeah, there's a lot of them.
01:09:4298.
01:09:43Ooh.
01:09:44100.
01:09:45Now, now, Berta.
01:09:46I got a lot of money here.
01:09:47I can make you happy.
01:09:49I'll get you anything you want.
01:09:51We'll make a life together.
01:09:52I don't want your dirty money, Leon.
01:09:53I'm fine with my life just as it is.
01:09:54We just got the phone back on.
01:09:55Thinking about a second line.
01:09:56Where's my son?
01:09:57Mommy.
01:09:58How am I gonna focus on getting up in that pussy when all you can talk about is what came
01:09:59out of it?
01:10:00Ew.
01:10:01I need to go.
01:10:02I need to go.
01:10:03I need to go.
01:10:04I need to go.
01:10:05I need to go.
01:10:06I need to go.
01:10:07I need to go.
01:10:08I need to go.
01:10:09I need to go.
01:10:10I need to go.
01:10:11Okay.
01:10:12Rolling.
01:10:13I need to go.
01:10:14We can go.
01:10:15And we can go.
01:10:24You've got a song.
01:10:25You gotta Beethoven those songs.
01:10:27Boom.
01:10:28Boom.
01:10:29Boom.
01:10:30Come on.
01:10:31Boom.
01:10:32Boom.
01:10:33Boom.
01:10:34Boom.
01:10:35Boom.
01:10:38Boom.
01:10:39Boom.
01:10:40Boom.
01:10:40Boom.
01:10:40Man.
01:10:41Man.
01:10:42Man.
01:10:43Man.
01:10:44Man.
01:10:45Man.
01:10:46Okay.
01:10:47No.
01:10:48Okay.
01:10:49Yes!
01:10:50Yes!
01:10:51Yes!
01:10:52Yes!
01:10:53Fuck you, Bertha!
01:10:55You just missed out on the greatest dick you'd ever known!
01:11:02Um...
01:11:03Black Mr. Clean!
01:11:04I heard, uh, roids make your dick small!
01:11:07What the fuck did you just say to me?
01:11:10Uh...
01:11:11You and this bitch are just lucky to be alive!
01:11:15Oh, you gonna be sorry you said that.
01:11:17We-we-we cool.
01:11:18It's cool.
01:11:19We cool.
01:11:20I'm sorry.
01:11:21I apologize.
01:11:22Get your ass back!
01:11:24Motherfuckers have tried and died!
01:11:27Sneaking up on Leon Goodlaw!
01:11:29Can you make out anything you say?
01:11:31Not really.
01:11:32Sounds like when a chick's telling you about her childo while she's eating out your asshole.
01:11:37Dude.
01:11:38That is exactly what it sounds like.
01:11:41Oh shit!
01:11:42Everybody likes butt stuff.
01:11:44You still have balls on your chin.
01:11:47What the fuck are you doing?!
01:11:50Okay, okay, Leon.
01:11:52Leon!
01:11:53Just put the crowbar down and I will come with you.
01:11:56Leave Del out of this.
01:11:57Del, step aside.
01:11:58Mom, I got this.
01:11:59Alright?
01:12:00Time for me to stand my ground.
01:12:03I said it's time I be a man!
01:12:06It's time I be a man!
01:12:11It's time I be a man!
01:12:15What?
01:12:16I said it's time for me to be a man right now!
01:12:21Bro, did you see that video that said that Tupac is alive and working with the Illuminati?
01:12:26Aaliyah and Left Eye, too.
01:12:27Yeah!
01:12:28And it's all true.
01:12:29It's right there on the internet.
01:12:30It's like they're not even trying to cover it up.
01:12:31Wait, wait, wait.
01:12:32You guys hear that?
01:12:33Yo, that sounds like a gap.
01:12:34It is, dawg.
01:12:36I need to be a man!
01:12:37I need to be a man!
01:12:38I need to be a man!
01:12:39Baby, are you having a stroke?
01:12:40Come on, man.
01:12:41Please don't rob us again.
01:12:42My dad was on the phone with the bank for hours getting new credit cards, hassle factors,
01:12:43like, love.
01:12:44Do I look like I fucking care?
01:12:45No.
01:12:46I warned y'all not to come back here.
01:12:47You...
01:12:48I got this.
01:12:49Well, you want to be a man?
01:12:50I'm not.
01:12:51I'm not.
01:12:52I'm not.
01:12:53I'm not.
01:12:54I'm not.
01:12:55I'm not.
01:12:56I'm not.
01:12:57I'm not.
01:12:58I'm not.
01:12:59I'm not.
01:13:00I'm not.
01:13:01I'm not.
01:13:02I'm not.
01:13:03I'm not.
01:13:04I'm not.
01:13:05I'm not.
01:13:06You wanna be a man.
01:13:07All I see is a little boy about to piss himself.
01:13:10What up, man?
01:13:11Okay?
01:13:12Bad idea!
01:13:13Take your ass over there!
01:13:14Get your ass over there!
01:13:15Yes!
01:13:16Get your ass over there!
01:13:17You're trying to blame me?
01:13:18Yes!
01:13:19You're trying to blame me!
01:13:20Hey!
01:13:21Call your boy off, man!
01:13:22Easy!
01:13:23We know we're supposed to wait for your signal, to come and help you, but we couldn't
01:13:24hear your signal and now we need help!
01:13:26Oh!
01:13:27Oh!
01:13:28Hold up.
01:13:29Hold up.
01:13:30Is that him?
01:13:31Is that the fucker that took our shit?
01:13:33Huge show some respect little homie. That is Leon Goodloe, son
01:13:38Ghetto legend hood Hall of Fame motherfucker. This thug right here is a no good lowlife
01:13:43And he's the type that I do not associate myself with
01:13:48Don't associate with
01:13:50Ask yourself if you've ever seen your friend here in class or doing homework
01:13:55I maintain a solid GPA what I do on my own time is my own business. Thank you very much
01:14:00Your own time. What snooping around in that basement? I'm Captain Albuquerque, motherfucker. What's good?
01:14:05Captain Albuquerque! Tell him who the fuck you are. Okay, you got the gun right there. Guys, just real quick
01:14:11I'm gonna keep it 100 with you. Um, my real name is Dell Goodloe, okay? I'm not a college student
01:14:16I lied about that. I just did it so I can get into your frat and take the money that my uncle and father stashed there years ago
01:14:23So that's the whole truth
01:14:30Oh my god, I told you I told you I told you I told you I told you I told you like six times this
01:14:42Guy was up to something
01:14:45Yes, okay
01:14:47Obviously he looks exactly like that fire inspector who came to our house, but I couldn't say that then and
01:14:53Yes, it does seem a little fishy in retrospect that he kept offering a remodel our basement
01:14:57I bet you're not even a licensed contractor
01:15:00No, I'm not
01:15:02You're an asshole
01:15:05How much money we talking about here, Dell?
01:15:09Ain't no big deal
01:15:10Just a little something left over from an old job
01:15:13A little money? It's a million dollars in it!
01:15:18Right? Nigga, a million dollars!
01:15:20I thought you didn't want no dirty money!
01:15:22Shit! My morals start to get real flexible around the mid-six figures
01:15:26You know, uh, legally speaking, depending on how long that's been in our basement
01:15:30We may technically own it thanks to something called adverse possession
01:15:34Pre-law
01:15:36Lucky for me, I don't give a shit about the law
01:15:38Okay
01:15:40So give me the fucking money, man
01:15:42Whatever happened to me being a ghetto legend?
01:15:44What ever happened to me being a ghetto legend?
01:15:46Still true
01:15:48But
01:15:50A million dollars, bruh
01:15:52Not to mention the shine my reputation gonna get if I take out a
01:15:56Badass motherfucker like yourself
01:15:58I respect that
01:16:00But you ain't getting that shit
01:16:02I earned that
01:16:04However
01:16:06I think you might enjoy the contents of that bag
01:16:10Just some odds and ends
01:16:12I managed to relieve these boys of earlier
01:16:14Get about 20 G's for that shit
01:16:22That's real nice of you, Leon
01:16:24Real nice
01:16:26It'd be even nicer, though, if you just
01:16:28Handed over the rest now, too
01:16:30Hm?
01:16:32Oh
01:16:36Oh
01:16:37Look like you got us in a mess now, Dale
01:16:39Huh?
01:16:40Ain't nobody leaving this motherfucker
01:16:42Until there's some blood on the floor
01:16:46Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait
01:16:47Okay, I'm sorry
01:16:48I'm sorry
01:16:49Alright, I'm sorry to everyone
01:16:51I know you guys are pissed
01:16:52And look, you got every reason to be
01:16:54But you gotta understand why I did what I did
01:16:56Okay, I did it for my moms
01:16:58I did it to help save this place
01:17:00And Uncle Leon
01:17:02Come on, man
01:17:03Remember when you and my dad helped start this gym?
01:17:06Remember how proud you were?
01:17:08How proud you were to get these kids off the streets?
01:17:10Turned my life around
01:17:15And guys, I'll admit
01:17:17When I first met y'all
01:17:18I thought you were a bunch of overprivileged
01:17:20Ignorant assholes with tiny hands
01:17:21Standing between me and what I needed
01:17:23But I misjudged y'all
01:17:24And y'all are family
01:17:26Y'all are brothers
01:17:28I really believe what Brock said earlier
01:17:30Family has each other's back no matter what
01:17:32Even if they fuck up
01:17:35Whether that family name is Kappa Alpha Chi
01:17:37Kappa Alpha Chi
01:17:38Kappa Alpha Chi
01:17:43Or Goodlough
01:17:47Fuck you, dear
01:17:48Ain't no sentimental conflict resolution bullshit
01:17:52Gonna work on me
01:17:53Well fuck you, too
01:17:58No!
01:17:59No!
01:18:00No!
01:18:01No!
01:18:02Ah!
01:18:03Shut me in the ass
01:18:04Shut up!
01:18:05Barely grazed your ass
01:18:07Oh, it hurts!
01:18:08It hurts!
01:18:09I told you it hurts
01:18:10Oh!
01:18:11Now eat now!
01:18:12You know what, dear?
01:18:13When I found out
01:18:15Your father had told you about the money
01:18:17My first thought
01:18:18Was
01:18:19Oh!
01:18:20Shit!
01:18:21God damn it, dear
01:18:22How many times did I tell you to fix the motherfucking air conditioner?
01:18:25Woo!
01:18:26So there you go
01:18:27Good things do happen in the hood
01:18:28My mom's got to keep the gym, baby
01:18:30And there was still plenty of money to go around
01:18:32Here you go, man
01:18:33Oh shit!
01:18:34Oh shit!
01:18:35Oh shit!
01:18:36Oh shit!
01:18:37Oh shit!
01:18:38God damn it, Del!
01:18:39How many times did I tell you to fix the motherfucking air conditioner?
01:18:42Woo!
01:18:43So there you go
01:18:47Good things do happen in the hood
01:18:49My mom's got to keep the gym, baby
01:18:51And there was still plenty of money to go around
01:18:54Here you go, boys
01:18:55Sorry about the basement
01:18:56Hands up
01:18:57Come on, come on
01:18:58Finish strong, baby
01:18:59So now we got a family
01:19:00There we go
01:19:01And we got a business
01:19:02Bring it in, bring it in
01:19:03And even though our insurance payments tripled
01:19:04I made sure your boy Juice got a job
01:19:06Juice
01:19:07You know your workman's comp doesn't cover stupid, right?
01:19:10Why did you climb a ladder so that you could bend down?
01:19:14Oh, what up, neighbor?
01:19:16What up?
01:19:17All the fellas at Kappa Alpha, hey?
01:19:19Learned how to do some real charity work for a change
01:19:22Let's practice!
01:19:23Come on, let's club up!
01:19:24And Trap?
01:19:25Well, he was happy to be back in the gym and part of the family again
01:19:28We even gave him a job
01:19:30Collections
01:19:32Yeah
01:19:33We missing out on some serious look, baby
01:19:35We need to get that back
01:19:37I bet
01:19:39And Pops must've heard the news
01:19:41Cause I changed our number twice and he's still calling
01:19:44Listen to them gym, leave a message
01:19:46Man, answer the damn phone
01:19:47It's me!
01:19:48It's Dre!
01:19:49I swear you dead if you make that gym a damn crossfit
01:19:53Hello?
01:19:54Feels good to get back to the community, doesn't it?
01:19:58For sure
01:19:59Yeah
01:20:00It's good
01:20:01Okay, there she is
01:20:02Why don't you start with them toilets, Barack?
01:20:04I deserve that
01:20:07Make that happen
01:20:08Oh
01:20:10And one last thing
01:20:12Wow
01:20:13They all came back alive and fully conscious
01:20:16Impressive
01:20:17If you think that's impressive
01:20:23Belle, stop laughing on the staff and install the new air conditioner
01:20:26I gotta go to class in like 30 minutes
01:20:28Let's have Juice do it
01:20:30No!
01:20:31Damn
01:20:33You made strong college, man
01:20:37Yo, yo
01:20:39Just tap out if you want a real man to step in
01:20:43What's your business, Reggie?
01:20:45What do you think this is?
01:20:47Y'all lost
01:20:51Oh
01:20:52New day
01:20:53New day
01:20:54New day
01:20:55Hands up
01:20:56It's a blue day
01:20:57Now what's good with your life, man?
01:20:58You got a lot to look toward
01:21:00Get it right, man
01:21:01And baby girl, why you sitting around looking sad?
01:21:03You missing out on all the things that you never had
01:21:06And you can get it if you change how you look at things
01:21:08Cause the world is yours, you gotta take it
01:21:11Yeah
01:21:12Man, that
01:21:13We don't win a Kid's Choice Award
01:21:15This is some bullshit
01:21:16Yeah
01:21:17Oh shit
01:21:18Y'all just gonna let her keep me in my ass
01:21:20Yeah
01:21:21Ah!
01:21:22Ah!
01:21:23Fucking time capsule!
01:21:24Is that too much?
01:21:25Did I overdo it?
01:21:26My boy!
01:21:28Don't fucking fall asleep on me and I'm sitting here trying to be a Mr. Rogers or a Dr. Phil
01:21:35And I don't know what you keep looking up at that big St. Bernard for
01:21:38He don't want no but a donut
01:21:40I can smack him upside the head and throw a donut in the ground
01:21:43He gonna have to make a decision
01:21:44What you think he gonna go for?
01:21:45He gonna go for the donut
01:21:46The motherfucking donut
01:21:47I think I have it
01:21:48Okay, she's got it
01:21:49I don't
01:21:51I don't
01:21:52I don't
01:22:21Thinking were just playing round
01:22:22We mobbing out in that crowd
01:22:24Get wild, getting Rowdy, getting loud
01:22:26Get crazy, get high, get loose
01:22:28Blow the top off that roof
01:22:31And we came off of that stoop
01:22:33Walking through the city like military troup
01:22:36Always with my crew never catches me alone
01:22:38Grab the microphone and I get into my zone
01:22:40Everytime you spit, better watch your tone
01:22:42Cause Donna Whack Rapper back to his home
01:22:44Back to his home
01:22:45Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go Go
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