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00:00Hello.
00:02These days I spend more and more time in my Wiltshire home.
00:06And the pub I own.
00:08Thinking about all the big problems in the world.
00:12And some smaller ones that annoy me.
00:16Luckily there's a place I can go to solve them all.
00:20Or at least try.
00:22My shed.
00:24Right.
00:26It's here that I have the tools.
00:28Let's just saw some wood up.
00:30The tea.
00:32And a couple of other highly competent blokes.
00:36Very good. Brace yourself.
00:38Who've agreed to help me rid the world of problems.
00:40Is she getting the ticket out?
00:42Great.
00:44And small.
00:46The cereal has gone soggy.
00:48I'll also have to take on other people's problems.
00:50What is wrong with Peter?
00:52He used to make a sound and now he doesn't.
00:55By which I mean the locals at my pub.
00:57Who are always bringing me stuff to bend.
00:59Is it a train set?
01:03So join us and our excitable crew.
01:07Who will capture our endeavours.
01:09That was epic.
01:11As we create.
01:13Make.
01:15That feels like a terrible thing we've just done.
01:17Repair.
01:18So it's never worked.
01:19Not in my lifetime.
01:20And repurpose.
01:22Oh.
01:23Wow.
01:25In my shed load of ideas.
01:28What do you think?
01:29This is just brilliant.
01:31Here in Wiltshire.
01:43My mates and I spend a lot of time in my big shed solving problems.
01:48Simi lends us his engineering expertise.
01:52Yes.
01:53While Tony chips in with his top notch carpentry skills.
01:57Huzzah.
01:58And today we're taking our combined wisdom out of the workshop.
02:03And into a particularly pretty cinema in nearby Salisbury.
02:07Can I have a popcorn please?
02:10Here we go.
02:11Oh fantastic.
02:13You're welcome.
02:14With cinema attendance in the UK in decline.
02:16We think we might just be able to eliminate one of the problems that could be putting people off.
02:23I will now demonstrate with these two and the crew.
02:28So here you are at the cinema with your mates.
02:31You're about to watch one of your favourite films of all time.
02:34And then this happens.
02:36I mean that is exactly in the way of the screen.
02:46And if that's bad for me and I'm reasonably tall.
02:49Imagine what it's like for these people entering the cinema now.
02:52If they sit behind us.
02:55We've known about this for as long as we've had cinemas.
03:00In fact as long as we've had theatres.
03:02Which goes back to Nell Gwyn.
03:04And people like that.
03:06And the fact is cinemas have a raked floor.
03:09Obviously this has a very typical one.
03:11It's about four degrees.
03:13But it's nothing like good enough.
03:15Because if we take Ethan.
03:17If you wouldn't mind standing up.
03:18Here's the tallest member of this crew.
03:22And then we put him next to our smallest member.
03:25Who is Lottie.
03:27Here.
03:28Look at the difference in height.
03:30It is interesting that all people.
03:32It doesn't matter whether they are massive units.
03:35Massively overfed like Ethan.
03:38Or Lottie undernourished and quite small.
03:41The distance between the centre of the eyes and the top of the head.
03:45Is always pretty much the same.
03:46If you wouldn't mind turning around.
03:48Ethan.
03:49You will see even on his enormous bont.
03:52That distance is roughly the same.
03:54So cinema seats ought to be arranged.
03:57So that that distance is the distance of the next row's eyes.
04:01Above the head of the person in front.
04:03So why not simply say.
04:05Small people have to sit at the front of the cinema.
04:07And big people have to sit at the back.
04:10That would make sense.
04:11Except.
04:12As Lottie points out.
04:13She's got a massive boyfriend.
04:15Because she didn't have the decency to go out with someone her own size.
04:18So we'd have to split them up.
04:19We'd have Lottie at the front.
04:21And a boyfriend right on the back row.
04:23And they can't have a snog like that.
04:24Let's be honest.
04:25So I think there might be a more sophisticated solution to this.
04:28And I think we can probably come up with it.
04:32And in just the time it takes to watch Battle of Britain the directors cut and get back to the shed.
04:38We have indeed come up with an idea for adjustable seats.
04:42Designed to equalise the cinema viewing experience.
04:46Now obviously the cinema seats have to go up and down.
04:53We have some old cinema seats.
04:55And we have these screw jacks of a type that you use to raise your car up before changing a wheel.
05:01What do we think?
05:02So I think all we need to do is we'll make up a little steel frame which we can weld to this.
05:09This is our seat.
05:10Which will be on our frame like so.
05:12A couple of back supports coming up to here.
05:15How are we supporting them?
05:16So we've got a little steel frame that will go under here welded to the jack.
05:21So it's solid.
05:22Come up to here and we'll pick up into the wood.
05:25At the right angle and the right height.
05:33That seems like a very low seat.
05:35That is.
05:36But we could put riser blocks underneath.
05:38Well this is the original.
05:40So that should be our kind of set height.
05:44So they'll have to be on riser blocks.
05:46Therefore we have to calculate how big a riser block we put underneath it.
05:53105mm.
05:54So if we know now that that is our height of our plinth.
06:00So riser blocks are 150.
06:03That's not complicated.
06:05This is probably how the Saturn V was developed.
06:07Somebody wrote 150 on a bench and drew a box around it and then they knew.
06:11Right, we've got it.
06:12So we need to make the plinths and we need to make the steel work at the same time ideally.
06:18We now know the height our riser block needs to be for the jack to sit on to bring the seat to its correct starting height.
06:25First Simi gets to work on the steel frame for the seat while Tony and I build a box plinth which will act as the riser block.
06:35That's near enough for government work.
06:37This involves a lot of measuring.
06:39148.
06:40Soaring.
06:41Soaring.
06:42Soaring.
06:43And screwing.
06:46While Simi sets about welding the steel frame which joins our old cinema seat to the jack.
06:51Everybody touch that, it's quite warm.
06:53Tony and I do some more measuring.
06:56Sawing.
06:57And screwing.
06:58To make the box plinth the jack will sit on.
07:01Now all we need to do is put it all together and we are ready to test our prototype seat.
07:06It's quite heavy though.
07:09I hate that noise.
07:11Right.
07:12Rest.
07:13That crest.
07:19To begin with, should we put somebody small?
07:21We could put somebody small.
07:22Or light.
07:23Light.
07:24So that's not you, not you.
07:25Alright, alright.
07:26Who would like to be the first person to sit in the elevating cinema seat?
07:33When you say like, I mean I will do it.
07:35Well you're the lightest.
07:37Oh, okay.
07:38Alright.
07:39What do I hold on to?
07:41Well, you're not going to be launched.
07:42It's just going to go up a bit.
07:44Don't be alarmed.
07:48Yes!
07:51Here, mate.
07:54What did you do at work today, darling?
07:56Well, I wound Lucy up and down.
08:02I think that's too wobbly.
08:03Yeah.
08:04I mean, it's not comfortable.
08:08This isn't really very good, is it?
08:10Well, we might have to have a little rethink.
08:13So the screw jacks are a lot wobblier than we realise when it doesn't have a car steadying it.
08:18But what if they were the hydraulic jacks instead?
08:22Slower to pump up, but they'd be much more stable.
08:25Yes.
08:28Do you mind stepping off a minute?
08:29No, not so much.
08:30Sorry.
08:31The other way is to make a mechanism that stays rigid and has the jack just as the lift.
08:40Oh, that's...
08:41Yes.
08:42It's just a lot of work.
08:43It is a lot of work.
08:45While Simi starts work designing the new hydraulic jack-powered box structures, Tony and I head to the pub.
08:53And as usual, and because of my reputation for mending things, we've only been there about five minutes when a local, in this case Peter, turns up with some weird brass thing.
09:03Hello.
09:04Hello.
09:05You are Peter.
09:06Hello.
09:07James, how are you?
09:08Nice to meet you.
09:09This is Tony.
09:10Nice to meet you.
09:11Have you brought a cannon?
09:12It's not a cannon.
09:13It's actually...
09:14Oh, it's a telescope.
09:15It's a telescope.
09:16Oh, it's a beauty, isn't it?
09:17Where did that come from?
09:19My wife bought it on eBay a few months ago, but it does come with a nice backstory.
09:24It was brought back from India on an around-the-world QE2 cruise in, I believe, the late 70s, early 80s.
09:31Does that mean stolen?
09:32Acquired.
09:33Acquired, yes.
09:34I like it.
09:35It's quite heavy, isn't it?
09:37I suppose that's why it comes with a tripod.
09:40It doesn't seem to quite work.
09:43It...
09:44No.
09:45Has it ever worked?
09:46I don't know.
09:47It's basically like looking at the world without your specs on.
09:50Do you know, that could be a micro focus, a micro adjustment.
09:53So the eyepiece does move out.
09:56Move your fingers further out, that bit.
09:58Ah.
09:59Does that move that slightly?
10:01Doesn't appear to.
10:03But should it?
10:04So usually there's a gear mechanism now, like a rack opinion.
10:08Yeah.
10:09So my thoughts are that inside the end there, there may be some sort of thread that connects
10:13to it or do it once upon a time.
10:15Yes.
10:16To try out Tony's theory, we mount Peter's telescope on its tripod and see if we can focus on something.
10:22Everything is still blurry.
10:24That doesn't do anything.
10:25Oh wait.
10:26Close things are almost in focus.
10:27So all the optics seem to line up.
10:28Yes, I'm looking at that power cable.
10:29That's nice and crisp.
10:30The trees far away are blurry.
10:31So I think you're right, Tony, that rotating that should gear that very precisely.
10:37Okay.
10:38Tools.
10:39A lot of old telescopes used to unscrew, didn't they?
10:44Oh.
10:45Oh.
10:46Have you done this before?
10:47Right.
10:48Now you're onto something.
10:49There you go.
10:50So basically this has to move, but quite precisely in order for what you're looking at at a particular
11:07distance to be in focus.
11:10But Peter has a concern which may scupper the whole project.
11:15It could well be what's known as a furniture piece.
11:20A whatty?
11:21A furniture piece.
11:22Ah.
11:23A Scholescope.
11:24This quite possibly was never intended to work as a telescope.
11:27It was just meant to look cool in your beachfront house.
11:31There is a possibility.
11:32Be careful there's not a pin in here.
11:34Exactly.
11:35Shall I take it off over this slotted table over the garden?
11:37Take it off over my hands.
11:39So you can see inside there the thread.
11:42So when you rotate that, a pin that would locate in the thread would be pulled one way
11:49or pushed the other way.
11:50And Tony has just found that whatever that pin was appears to have sheared off.
11:55Peter, this might be good news.
11:57I'm pleased to hear it.
11:58I think this does suggest that it's a bit more than just ornamental
12:02because someone's gone to the trouble of machining quite a sophisticated thread in there,
12:06which would suggest to me that this is, in fact, meant to work.
12:11So how the hell does it come out?
12:13Does the eyepiece come off?
12:15Yeah, that bit of unscrews, that was loose earlier.
12:17And then we pull it through the other way.
12:20Ah.
12:21It's here.
12:22Oh.
12:23Where?
12:24There.
12:25Got it.
12:26There you go.
12:27That's the culprit.
12:28That's what's broken.
12:29So in order to mend it, we will have to remake this piece with two countersunk holes
12:36to allow it to be screwed to the moveable part of the eyepiece.
12:40And then with a pin, the exact dimensions of which we will have to work out using a micrometer
12:45that inserts in this hole and engages on the inside of that.
12:48Put it all back together, mounted on the tripod, pointed out to the sea and say,
12:52I see no ships.
12:54Ladies and gentlemen, we have a lathe job.
13:01So can Tony and I, and the lathe, fix Peter's telescope?
13:05Well, I for one can't wait to find out.
13:14Welcome back to Wiltshire, where we've been entrusted with the task of repairing Peter's busted telescope.
13:22The problem we have identified is that this ring, which is now broken, as you can see,
13:29sits around the middle of this tube and has on it, or did have on it, a pin,
13:34which acts in an inverted worm gear inside there.
13:38You turn with that and that makes the eyepiece move in and out and focuses it.
13:43We've got to remake this, which is a job for the lathe.
13:47Tony here has never used a metalworking lathe, or the engine lathe, as it's sometimes called.
13:53I have found this old flywheel that I accidentally made to completely the wrong dimensions many years ago.
14:00And we can, I believe, fashion out of that the new ring, the ratio dictated by the gear.
14:06Before Tony can have a go, he has to have a lathe tutorial.
14:09That is the saddle, which moves that way.
14:12That is the cross slide, which moves that way.
14:15And this is called the compound slide.
14:17The way it's set up at the moment, it moves backwards and forwards.
14:19A fine feed version of that, but you can also set it at angles to do clever things like screw cutting.
14:24Hope you got all that, Tony.
14:26There are no safety features. There isn't even an emergency stop on this.
14:30You have to hit that with your knee. There's no chuck guard.
14:33I missed, then, and hurt my knee, but that's what you do, OK?
14:37Ow!
14:39Are you going to knee it again, James?
14:41Not really, no.
14:43I'm not sure who's more nervous about this, Tony or me.
14:48Start lathe.
14:51I now turn it to ten thousand. That's near enough.
14:55We will now bear witness to the genesis of the new inner ring for Peter's telescope.
15:01A tiny bit more.
15:05And Tony's love affair with the lathe.
15:08Oh!
15:10So, that's indoctrination over and a new brass ring well on the way.
15:14Sarah, my other half, James has gone into his workshop to make a piece of metal into a smaller piece of metal.
15:20Because that's actually all you can do.
15:22But now it's an exquisite piece of metal.
15:24Exactly.
15:25Do you think you'll get one?
15:26Yeah, definitely.
15:27It's addictive already.
15:29It is.
15:30You either really get it, or you think it's the dullest thing in the world.
15:33Which, to be honest, most of my mates do.
15:35But I don't care.
15:37With Tony now a card-carrying member of Lathe Club, I leave him to finish the ring and the pin for the telescope under the watchful eye of Simi.
15:49We're going to put these holes in and they have to line up because these holes are pre-drilled and threaded.
15:54We want to be able to put the screws, these little tiny screws, back into those holes once we've drilled the new holes.
16:01To make the holes, they're using my milling machine.
16:04Look at that.
16:07Two of the holes will attach the ring to the telescope tube.
16:11And the other is for the pin that will move the eyepiece to control the focus.
16:15I've got clearance holes with canter stunks.
16:18Yep.
16:20Next, Simi taps the hole for the pin, which they make from an old screw.
16:24Do you want to just do it freehand?
16:26Which, in turn, is turned on the lathe to get it to the right size.
16:33It's got to be it, doesn't it?
16:35And we'll find out if it all fits, and by we, I mean you and me, viewers, when Tony hands in his homework later on.
16:45Now, I've asked Sim to meet me at the pub, which is also a popular B&B.
16:52Less popular, though, is a problem facing me and my fellow B&B owners.
16:58And if you're one of the 87% of adults who eat breakfast cereal every day, you'll have come across it too.
17:06Mmm, mmm, mmm.
17:10Crunchy.
17:11Crunchy is nice, but by the time you're about halfway through the bowl, the cereal has gone soft and soggy.
17:20And we don't want that.
17:21So we were wondering, is there a way of eating breakfast cereal, a bowl of breakfast cereal, in such a way or with such a device that means it is always crunchy all the way till the end?
17:34And Simi's had a bit of an idea.
17:39Maybe we need to introduce the milk at the point of entry into your mouth.
17:48To the workshop.
17:49So, our aim is to solve soggy cereal and, in so doing, reduce the amount we chuck away at the pub and in homes everywhere.
18:02Fortunately, one of us has an idea about how we might do that.
18:05So I've got this plan, so we put a spoon onto a straw and we mould the straw to the underside of the spoon.
18:19You might have to flatten the end a little bit.
18:21And then we have a flexible tube at this end going into your bottle of milk or your orange juice or whatever you fancy.
18:28Orange juice? Do people eat breakfast cereal with orange juice?
18:32Yes, indeed.
18:33Do they? In Norway.
18:35Do they? Yes.
18:36I didn't know that.
18:37They think it's very weird we put cow juice on.
18:41I've been to Norway quite a few times.
18:43I said you were a bit weird when I was there and I was right.
18:47You'll be able to put this in your mouth and suck up the required amount of fluid that you require.
18:54Are we going to base it on this spoon?
18:58I think similar.
19:00Because it doesn't need to be dished as much as that because it's not holding any liquid.
19:05Are you talking about making a spoon?
19:07Yeah.
19:09Oh.
19:10How are you going to make a spoon?
19:12It's not something I've ever done.
19:14It's not something I've ever done either.
19:16So I think we should just mark out our ideal shape.
19:19It's a very thin bit of copper.
19:20Yes.
19:21Which I think at the end of the day, when this is soldered to it, it will give it a nice bit of strength.
19:25Because it will be like a spine running down the whole thing.
19:28Yes.
19:29It will be very good.
19:30So I think we can mark it out.
19:32Tin snips.
19:33Yeah.
19:34Bit of sanding.
19:36We'll heat it up a little bit to anneal it.
19:38Yes.
19:39That means make it go softer.
19:41It does make it go softer.
19:42And then we'll hammer it out.
19:44Okay.
19:45Spoons are normally made out of stainless steel, because it's rust proof.
19:50But we're making our sauce spoon out of copper, because it's soft and malleable, which will come in handy at the next stage.
19:59That is like man's first spoon.
20:02It's like the genesis of the spoon.
20:04They thought, this looks useful.
20:06I'm sure we can improve it.
20:07Maybe make it a bit dished and a bit more rigid.
20:10But I think we're on to something.
20:13Next, we hammer out the dished part of the spoon.
20:17Easily done with malleable copper.
20:20Here you go, James.
20:22That is incredible.
20:24So, it doesn't look very impressive, but it's a long process.
20:30And what has happened here is we've started off with a piece of soft copper, but the process of hammering it has hardened it, because it work hardens, as the expression is.
20:40It happens very quickly with copper, so the thing we have to do next is anneal it, which is a way of saying soften it again.
20:47We do that by heating it up, and then allowing it to cool naturally, then it will be softened.
20:52We'll probably have to do that several times before Sim arrives at the final shape of the spoon, which, let's be honest, is a way off.
20:59But not for long, as Sim heats, hammers,
21:05heats again, hammers again.
21:08That's going there, isn't it?
21:11And again.
21:14Until we're ready for stage two.
21:16And next we're going to join to it the copper tube that will deliver the milk, orange juice, whatever.
21:23So, we need to work out its length and then shape it as close as possible to the spoon.
21:28Then we'll bind it with some fuse wire and solder it, and then we can test it.
21:36So, after some cutting and shaping,
21:38it's time to bind the tube to the spoon using a small clamp and Simi's expert soldering.
21:47I tend to bugger up soldering, so I'm just giving it to you to do.
21:50It's going to happen.
21:59We're going to warm the whole piece first.
22:01There she blown.
22:02There she goes.
22:03Do you want to do spoon?
22:04There you've got that bit.
22:05I'm going to have to do the spoon end.
22:06There she goes.
22:07There she goes.
22:08Do you want to do spoon?
22:12There you've got that bit.
22:13I'm going to have to do the spoon end.
22:15There she goes.
22:16There she goes.
22:17A bit more at the front.
22:18That's it.
22:19Gone.
22:20Crammed.
22:21Oh, that's filled that nicely.
22:22Look at that.
22:23Well, that's the bit going in your mouth, so...
22:24In your mouth.
22:25It's a spoon.
22:26It's a spoon.
22:27And I think it's pretty good.
22:28Do I?
22:29It's going to work.
22:30Is it?
22:31It tastes absolutely horrible.
22:32I'm not so sure baker's fluid is that good.
22:33Oh.
22:34Oh.
22:35Oh.
22:36Oh.
22:37Oh.
22:38Oh.
22:39Oh.
22:40Oh.
22:41Oh.
22:42Oh.
22:43Oh.
22:44Oh.
22:45Oh.
22:46Oh.
22:47Oh.
22:48Oh.
22:49Oh.
22:50Oh.
22:51Oh.
22:52Oh.
22:53Oh.
22:54Oh.
22:55Oh.
22:56Oh, God.
22:57Oh.
22:58Oh.
22:59I'd ignore her.
23:00And it is highly corrosive, so it's slightly acidic.
23:02It might be worth rinsing your mouth.
23:04Oh.
23:05Oh.
23:06Oh.
23:08Is that just water?
23:10No.
23:11That sounds good.
23:12It's quenching water.
23:16With rinse, don't swallow.
23:17Mm.
23:26Oh.
23:27Oh.
23:28Oh.
23:29Oh.
23:30Oh.
23:31,
23:33And my pub, where we've been tackling the previously insurmountable problem of soggy cereal by
23:38inventing...
23:42..the sauce spoon.
23:43This is its inaugural outing.
23:45Let's see if it works.
23:47I have here the other vital component, the food-safe plastic tubing,
23:52which goes into my milk, like so. Is everybody ready? I'm going in.
24:01Oh, that's a good start.
24:02How good is that?
24:18It only works. Wow.
24:21That's got to be the best thing I've ever seen.
24:23I can't. There's nothing else I can say about that.
24:26It works exactly as intended, and it's perfect.
24:31Every mouthful is like the first one.
24:34Do you want to try it? I'll wipe it off for you.
24:36Just kidding. Go on then, I'll have a quick go.
24:38I'm intrigued. Genuinely, it works.
24:54That is genuinely the best thing. It's fantastic.
24:57What's surprising is how little milk you use.
25:02Yeah. It's truly brilliant on every level.
25:07Saves waste, improves the breakfast dining experience.
25:12It keeps your cereal crunchy.
25:16There is an elephant in the room, though, which is the Norwegian way.
25:24You brought it up. I'll do it.
25:27I'll do it.
25:31This is for Norway.
25:47That's really stupid.
25:50Honestly.
25:50Norwegians, come on. Get a grip.
25:55Do you want to try that? That feels wrong.
25:57No, I don't want to try it at all.
25:58Really wrong.
26:00Barbaric.
26:02It's a bit weird.
26:02So I know a lot of you think that we fake things for television and ham it up.
26:07But I promise you that, that simple idea, the sauce spoon, works and it works brilliantly.
26:16That will become an essential component of the British breakfast, along with cereal and this.
26:23Cheers.
26:31It's what the Victorians did and everybody admires them.
26:35And look at this.
26:35We started this scene just a few minutes ago.
26:37Simi's corn plates, where he put the milk on straight away, they are now...
26:43Mush.
26:43Yeah, they are. That is mush, isn't it?
26:45Whereas mine, my rice, my crispy rice things are still perfectly dry and crunchy and could even go back
26:52in the box if I decided I'd had enough. Absolutely zero waste.
27:01Soggy cereal solved. I head back to the shed to wait for Tony, who's hopefully been as successful
27:08in finishing off the new inner ring for Peter's telescope.
27:13James!
27:13And here he is.
27:14I have the ring.
27:15Oh, three holes in perfect position, tapped and countersunk.
27:23That's a fabulous bit of finishing off work there, Tony.
27:26Now, we know it fits on the tube because, well, because frankly, I turned the inside diameter.
27:34Oh, that's very satisfying.
27:36When we give this telescope to Peter and he rotates the sleeve and focuses it, he'll say,
27:42oh, great, thanks.
27:43He'll have no idea how much head scratching and hard work went into this because it will never be seen
27:51because it's inside. But we will know and so will God.
27:55This is so satisfying, my first bit of lathing work.
28:02But will Tony's first bit of lathe work pass muster?
28:05This is the other way round, isn't it?
28:08So we've got to get this the right way round.
28:11Time to find out as we reassemble the telescope.
28:15This is quite exciting, isn't it?
28:16It's very exciting.
28:19Oh.
28:21Pudge.
28:23That's pretty good, isn't it?
28:24It's very good.
28:26I think you've done an excellent job there, Tony.
28:29Well done, you. Have the rest of the day off.
28:33Proper team effort.
28:36Tony can't actually have the day off, as now the telescope's optical tube is fully rotating and
28:42expanding. It's time to set sail to the pub and hand it back to the captain of the ship.
28:48Hello, Peter. Hello, hello, hello.
28:50Please have a seat.
28:51Thank you very much. Wow.
28:53Here is your telescope.
28:55It's in one piece.
28:56It's in one piece.
28:57Only just.
28:58It doesn't look very different.
29:01We did consider polishing it, but then we decided we liked the pattern of use and also
29:07Tony couldn't be a ****.
29:09So we have, however, mended it. Would you like to know what we've done?
29:13I would love to know.
29:14Are you sitting comfortably?
29:15I certainly am.
29:17When we took it apart in front of you, when you first brought it to the pub,
29:20we revealed this broken inner ring.
29:23I made the ring on the lathe.
29:27You then calculated the position of the...
29:29Nothing is symmetrical on this thing.
29:31No, it's all completely on the top.
29:32Every ring, the screw holes are in different positions.
29:35Of course.
29:36Are you ready? Would you like to do it yourself?
29:39I would love to.
29:39I would just wind the collar and...
29:44And this comes out.
29:45Yes.
29:46Wow.
29:46Yes, it does.
29:47It's smooth as well.
29:49Very smooth.
29:50Thank you very much.
29:51What can I say?
29:52Let's try it.
29:53Okay.
29:55Right.
29:55If you position it there...
30:00Yep.
30:00Yep.
30:00Mine's in.
30:02Sir.
30:02Okay.
30:04Is it in focus?
30:05Getting there.
30:06There we go.
30:07That's in focus.
30:08Might have had a look.
30:09Yeah.
30:12I was on the tower at the top.
30:15Good God.
30:17It's a telescope.
30:19Look at that.
30:19It works.
30:23It's good, isn't it?
30:25I hope you enjoyed working on it.
30:27We did enjoy working it out.
30:29Right, sir.
30:29It's yours to take away.
30:34Thank you very much indeed, both of you.
30:36It's a pleasure.
30:37Okay.
30:38I hope your wife enjoys it.
30:39I'm sure she will.
30:42Well.
30:43Pint?
30:44Yeah, let's have a pint.
30:46We'll be happy with that.
30:49Tony and I might be able to relax with a pint, but over at the workshop, Simi is still busy grappling with the prototype for the adjustable cinema seats.
30:57Action.
30:59Replacing our wobbly jack contraption with a new design that features a box inside a box,
31:06he starts by building both the internal and external boxes from plywood.
31:12Next, he installs a more compact ram that can be controlled remotely.
31:17Then he cuts out a little space for the wires before screwing on the lid that the seat will attach to and allow the jack to push up that internal box.
31:31Now all that remains is to find out if we've managed to put an end to cinema-going misery for the ages.
31:37We've returned to Salisbury, where we're back at the cinema, installing our height-adjustable seats to see if we can improve the visual experience for our audience, also known as the crew.
31:57They are still on jacks, but they now run in boxes for stability.
32:03They are powered up and down by electrical motors, and I have here a suite of remote controls for adjusting them.
32:11Now in the final version, this is a prototype of course, this job will be done by computers and a laser, but for the moment it's done with a folding ruler.
32:20I would like to invite tonight's audience to come into the cinema and take their places, please.
32:27Wherever you'd like to sit, it doesn't matter, all the seats are currently set at their midway point.
32:32They can go up and down.
32:38Who can currently see the screen?
32:41Obviously, yes, you can, Simi, Tony, no.
32:46Right, OK, so I'm going to suggest that Ethan, because you're very tall, you, sir, have to go down.
32:53And here you go.
32:57How's it about that, then?
33:06You are now at the lowest setting, sir.
33:08And just to show you that this can all be consistent and really quite scientific, if I consider Tony's face, there's a horrible prospect, I know, but his eyes are not quite high enough by, ooh, what would we call that, two inches?
33:25He needs to go up two inches in order to see over Ethan, so I will now do that.
33:29OK, so you, Tony, are going up, sir.
33:35Oh, yeah.
33:36Tell me when you can see.
33:37Yeah.
33:39OK.
33:40Shula, I'm assuming you can't see over Tony.
33:46This makes a fantastic noise, doesn't it?
33:48It adds to the tension and excitement of going to the cinema.
33:53You can see?
33:55So now Simi, but I'm going to give you an extra inch.
34:02Will, can you see?
34:03No, for once I actually can't see at the cinema, because he's been raised up.
34:06Yes, he's been raised up so that he can see, but it's OK because I can raise you up too.
34:11Can everybody see?
34:21Yeah.
34:22The seats are all at different heights, but each row of people is at the same height,
34:27and they are higher than the row in front by the typical distance between the top of a person's head and his or her eyes.
34:35It's fantastic.
34:36We have solved it.
34:37Well done, everybody involved.
34:38We can now finally sit down, relax, and enjoy one of the greatest films ever made.
34:48Roll it, projectionist.
35:08After all that hard work, we head home for some rest and relaxation.
35:16But we're not ones to waste money on expensive spas and beauty products.
35:21Oh, no.
35:22We have everything we need right here in the shed.
35:26As men, there are places where we shouldn't go.
35:33One of those is a woman's handbag.
35:35If you've been bitten by a poisonous snake and the antidote is in a woman's handbag,
35:38you still can't go in there and get it.
35:40You have to ask them to get it.
35:42That's just the rules.
35:44The other one is a beauty spa.
35:45We do know that women go there for something called a facial.
35:49And we're suffering for not having facials because, as you can see, we're haggard.
35:53We haven't cared for our complexion.
35:55So after consulting some women, I've learned that a facial consists of four essential stages.
36:00It is cleanse, tone, exfoliate, moisturize.
36:06And there are special potions and things, very expensive, for doing this.
36:10But it had occurred to us that there are things in the workshop that could achieve the same thing for us,
36:15things that we use every day but that we never use for a facial.
36:18So I think we are ready to perform the man's workshop facial.
36:25Are you up for that?
36:26Yeah, absolutely.
36:27First, we need to protect our hair.
36:30Well, you don't need it, Tone.
36:33Sauce, Tony.
36:34Apparently, we've got to wear these goggles.
36:36This is a safety requirement from our insurers
36:39because they believe we're somehow going to shove alcohol and hand cleaners straight in our eyeballs.
36:44I wouldn't put it past us.
36:46Right.
36:47There we are.
36:48Ready.
36:49First is cleanse.
36:50This will remove grease, oil, deeply embedded dirt from your hands
36:56when you've been working on your car or your motorcycle.
36:59Have a bit of cleanser.
37:02Oh, it's refreshing.
37:03Oh, I feel better already.
37:09Oh, it feels really nice.
37:10It tastes awful.
37:12Why are you eating it?
37:13Yeah.
37:13Why do you put everything in your mouth?
37:14I was just liberally applying it and accidentally got my luscious lips.
37:23I don't want to admit to that.
37:25Oh, what is that?
37:26Good God, you're covered in filth, man.
37:31Why are you so clean, James?
37:33Because he doesn't do any work.
37:35Well, there's a bit of gunk come off there, off my cheeks.
37:39Yeah, it's always the cheeks.
37:40Yeah.
37:41Now we are cleansed, we must be toned.
37:43Our toner is 99.9% pure isopropyl alcohol,
37:49which we use in the workshop a lot for cleaning electrical items,
37:54toy trains that we mend, record players and so on.
37:57Don't put this in your mouth now, Tony,
37:59otherwise you'll be completely clattered.
38:01This is called toning.
38:03I don't know what it actually does.
38:07Stinks.
38:07Oh.
38:09I'm getting high.
38:10Whoa.
38:11I don't breathe.
38:12So what is normal toner?
38:15I don't know.
38:16Oh.
38:17Hugo, do you want to know what a toner is?
38:20Yeah.
38:20An astringent liquid applied to the skin
38:23to reduce oiliness and improve its condition.
38:25Well, that's exactly what this is.
38:27Yeah.
38:27Alcohol removes oiliness.
38:28That's why we use it in soldering.
38:32Let's get...
38:32My face feels really tight.
38:34Yeah, I noticed it.
38:36Right.
38:37So we've cleansed, we've toned.
38:40Now we're going to exfoliate.
38:42So we're going to remove the layer of dead skin.
38:47Our exfoliant is basically a white glue,
38:51which has rubber in it.
38:55Spread it about and let it dry.
38:58And then you have the unrivaled pleasure of peeling it off.
39:02Oh, this stinks.
39:04Oh!
39:05Oh, it stinks of fish.
39:08It's absolutely minging.
39:10It is.
39:13At this point, I think, in a proper spa,
39:17you would lie down
39:19and they'd probably give you some ginger tea
39:23or something really left-wing like that.
39:26We can sit back and we can relax
39:28and, you know, talk about stuff.
39:32What about a little wax?
39:34Which...
39:34I hesitate to ask this, Tony,
39:36but which bit of you did you think needed waxing?
39:39What about a leg?
39:41You want a leg waxed.
39:43A nice little smooth leg.
39:45Are you sure about this, Tony?
39:46Yeah.
39:49While we don't have the fancy hot wax machines
39:52used in spas and salons,
39:53we do have the next best thing.
39:56It's gaffer tape.
39:57Feet up.
40:00Get your leg up.
40:04When you use wax strips,
40:05there's a direction, isn't there?
40:06Should you tear up or down?
40:08I'm tearing down.
40:09Oh, I was going to go up.
40:10Well, that won't be the experiment.
40:12Oh, great.
40:14Right, are we ready, everybody?
40:17Tony, is there anything you need to say
40:18to your family or...?
40:20Tell my children I love them.
40:21OK, who will?
40:23Three, two, one...
40:25Oh, that wasn't that bad.
40:28That's rubbish.
40:29But it did work.
40:30A bit.
40:31Look.
40:32I've got two tiny little hairs.
40:34Ladies, stop wasting your money.
40:37About £3.50.
40:40We can help you.
40:42No, actually, that sounds really weird.
40:46Right, moving swiftly on,
40:47it's time to see how much of our faces
40:49the glue has removed.
40:52Shall we take our goggles off?
40:53Yes.
40:53There's no...
40:55Oh!
40:55I know, they're slightly...
40:56It's suddenly come back into colour.
40:58I've glued my goggles to my face.
41:03Oh, it makes a great noise.
41:05Listen to that.
41:08Ow!
41:09That actually hurts.
41:13It's like putting massive snot out, you know.
41:16It's letting you pull your face off.
41:18It is.
41:20Look at this, look at this, it's huge.
41:21It's what it would feel like to be a brand-new refrigerator.
41:32This is removing a microscopically thin layer of...
41:37Epidermis.
41:39...of a dead you.
41:40Your appearance has changed, Simmy.
41:42You look about 15.
41:44Is anybody else sort of tingling in quite a satisfying way?
41:49This is the final stage of the facial,
41:51the moisturising phase,
41:53for which we're using the beeswax,
41:55which normally we put on wood.
41:56So I'm going to start with my forehead.
41:59This is what it's like being a piece of 19th-century furniture.
42:02It does smell nice.
42:05Mmm, it smells lovely.
42:09So, I think, now, if we take the headbands off,
42:12go back to normal,
42:13we can get a verdict from the crew
42:14who have watched the entire process
42:16and are very familiar with our faces,
42:18because, obviously, they film us all the time,
42:20unfortunately for them.
42:21And here we are, post-facial.
42:23You actually look much better.
42:30Yeah, you do look really glow-y.
42:32Well, if you see us tomorrow,
42:33we've got coils and postures.
42:36If you don't turn up and work tomorrow,
42:38we'll know what's gone wrong,
42:38but you actually look very good.
42:40So I now have to point out to the viewers,
42:43I'm sure you're going to notice it,
42:44there are going to be some continuity issues,
42:46because, to be honest,
42:47we don't necessarily film this series in sequence.
42:50We don't know until the edit
42:51exactly how we're going to order the stories,
42:53so you might see us and think,
42:54God, those blokes are looking old,
42:55and then in the next scene,
42:57you'll think,
42:58wow, look at those 15-year-old boys.
43:00And it's because of this.
43:02OK, so sorry about that.
43:05Don't do any of this at home,
43:07don't use any of these things,
43:07they're not designed as part of a facial cleansing programme.
43:12Nevertheless, it works.
43:15And we'll see you next time,
43:17if you can recognise us,
43:18now that we look 10 years younger.
43:30It's great.
43:36Thanks.
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