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00:00MUSIC CONTINUES
00:14They've arrived for a big night out.
00:17It's Vic and Bob.
00:30MUSIC CONTINUES
00:35Shut up, shut up, eat your boiled potatoes.
00:39Shut up, shut up, eat your boiled eggs.
00:42Shut up, shut up, eat your curly-whirly.
00:45And just stop talking shit!
00:48MUSIC CONTINUES
00:53MUSIC CONTINUES
01:02Shut up, shut up, eat your smoked potatoes.
01:05Shut up, shut up, eat your pickled onions.
01:08Shut up, shut up, eat your tin carrots.
01:11And just stop talking shit!
01:14MUSIC CONTINUES
01:17CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:20It's a good message, though, isn't it?
01:24It's a good message for us all to learn.
01:27If you're out having a nice meal, just have light talk.
01:31Just soft light talk.
01:33How high is your cat?
01:35How high is your cat?
01:36Do something nice and gentle.
01:37How gentle are you wearing knickers?
01:39How many teeth have you got today?
01:42Yeah, I'm wearing two pairs of knickers today.
01:44Cos it's cold outside.
01:46Oh, darling, look, have you ever spewed up at a disciplinary here?
01:49No, I haven't, I haven't.
01:51Cos you know, then the conversational flow.
01:53It'll flow nicely.
01:54Anyway.
01:55Where did you get your hair done?
01:56At the shops?
01:57At the shops.
01:58See how we're getting on?
02:00Oh.
02:01Oh.
02:02Anyway, talking of lovely dinners like that,
02:05I'm having Christmas dinner this year with the whole family.
02:09Oh, that's lovely.
02:10That's Mr and Mrs Hull and their two sons plug an arse.
02:14LAUGHTER
02:15APPLAUSE
02:17Fantastic!
02:18Yeah.
02:19So, hey, you know, talking of Christmas, I always...
02:35Talking of Christmas, I'm having a turkey for Christmas, always do.
02:39Last year I went to the butchers and I said,
02:41how do you prepare your turkeys for Christmas?
02:44And he said, we just tell them straight out, they're going to die.
02:46LAUGHTER
02:47Thank you very much.
02:48Thanks.
02:49Thank you, Jack.
02:50APPLAUSE
02:53Oh!
02:55Yeah!
02:56Yeah!
02:57Yeah!
02:58Yeah!
03:01Yeah!
03:02Yeah!
03:03Yeah!
03:04Hey!
03:05CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
03:07I'm made.
03:08What do you think?
03:09We're about to�y Oslo,
03:10who are we,
03:11if you're a girl.
03:12I'm a young man.
03:14CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
03:21Oh-ho! Oh!
03:23Reminded us the time we were in Sparks.
03:27Hey, Bob, can you do this?
03:29Ready? Yeah.
03:37One, Vic, no, I can't do that.
03:40Two, I would love to. I bet you would.
03:43Who does it attract the bell?
03:45Well, it attracts worshippers, first of all,
03:47occasionally moths and sometimes a sailor.
03:49Oh, that's all right.
03:51Yeah. Hearing a church bell, though,
03:53it's just made me feel a little bit sick
03:55cos I need to make a confession.
03:57Have you done something awful again?
03:59Have you opened that thing with your finger, have you?
04:01Well, that's part of it, yeah.
04:03Part of it? I need to get off my chest.
04:05It's going to be difficult for me to do the show, to be honest.
04:07I can see it's worrying you, isn't it?
04:09I need to get off my chest.
04:10But I might be able to help you because...
04:12Oh, hey up.
04:13I know a fella who has a portable confession booth.
04:16Really?
04:17Yeah?
04:18And he's near by you, Dickhead.
04:19I could go and see him.
04:20See if I can get him to...
04:21Sorry, what did you say then?
04:22I said he's...
04:23What?
04:24Sorry, I didn't hear you.
04:25No, I didn't say anything.
04:26I just said, I know a bloke who's got a portable confession booth
04:30and he's near by you, Dickhead, so...
04:32Yeah, I'll go and see if he might be able to absolve you.
04:37Well, I might be very interested.
04:38Are you interested?
04:39I'd be very interested in that.
04:40OK.
04:41I'll, erm...
04:42I'll just go and see if he's ready.
04:44OK.
04:45Come and...
04:46Come and give you a confession.
04:48Yeah, no hurry.
04:49You...
04:50You...
04:51Shhh.
04:52Shhh.
04:53Shhh.
04:54Shhh.
04:55Yeah, sorry about this, ladies and gentlemen, but...
05:01I have done something terrible and it's...
05:03You know, it's really, like, churning me up.
05:05If I could see this...
05:07Get it off my chest, it'd be good.
05:10Oh, hello, er...
05:12Hi.
05:13Hi.
05:14I have the Reverend Q Macaroon.
05:20Oh, right.
05:21Look, take a seat, Reverend.
05:23And, er, I've got a portable confession booth.
05:25I can see.
05:26It's a beauty!
05:28Do you like it?
05:29I like it very much.
05:30Is it just dirty or...?
05:31It's the Turing Shroud.
05:32Ah, right.
05:33I don't know...
05:34It's the face of Christ.
05:35Right.
05:36That's the face of Christ.
05:37Well, I got it off an out-of-work coroner,
05:39that's what he told me.
05:40Oh, right.
05:41It might just be Roy Wood, I don't know.
05:42I've got you very lucky to have.
05:44And just, er...
05:45What's this, er...
05:46What are these soft...?
05:47Oh, there's...
05:48I'll put them on for good luck.
05:49It's good luck flumps.
05:50Good luck flumps?
05:51Very good luck when you're doing a confession.
05:53OK.
05:54Have you got any holy water or...?
05:55Oh, hang on.
05:58Is that holy air, is it?
06:03Well, unconventional.
06:04Yeah.
06:05Are you ready to confess?
06:06Yes, I am.
06:07Yes, thank you so much, Reverend.
06:08Go on, then.
06:09Confess.
06:10Well, my first confession is...
06:11Really quick.
06:12My friend Vic has got a frogman suit, yeah?
06:15And I cut it into strips and he's going to...
06:17What?
06:18You didn't what?
06:19Oh, it's you!
06:21I thought I was...
06:23With the Reverend...
06:24He was lovely, the Reverend Macaron.
06:25He had holy air and everything.
06:27My frogman suit?
06:28Yeah.
06:29I know.
06:30You're always cutting stuff up into strips, aren't you?
06:33Yeah.
06:34The plastic undersheet.
06:35Now the frogman suit.
06:36What do you cut stuff into strips for?
06:39Restraints.
06:40LAUGHTER
06:41BUZZ
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07:30HE SIGHS
07:32HE SIGHS
07:34HE SIGHS
07:36See, what it's done is made him want to piddle.
07:38I put on...
07:40Oh, that's got to me now, that as well.
07:42HE SIGHS
07:44HE SIGHS
07:46HE SIGHS
07:48HE SIGHS
07:50HE SIGHS
07:52We will send you a sachet of soil to hide.
07:54Pull in my bag, four by three.
07:56Direct from our field of soil here in Norfolk.
07:58Field of soil.
08:00Everybody loves to hide soil.
08:02Hide it in your house.
08:03About yourself.
08:04In your car.
08:05On the shelf.
08:06You're on the bus.
08:07It's in your pocket.
08:08And nobody knows.
08:10The sachet will ensure it doesn't turn to mud.
08:13Not mud.
08:14Secret soil.
08:15Only you know where the soil is hidden.
08:18Everybody loves the secret.
08:20Where is the soil?
08:22www.secretsoil.dot.dot.uk.com
08:32Welcome back, welcome.
08:34Bob, there's a terrible fight backstage in the dressing room.
08:37Oh, terrible fight.
08:38Terrible fight.
08:39Terrible, terrible, terrible fight.
08:40Who between?
08:41Then the judge, David Walliams.
08:43Is it David or Derek?
08:44Derek, well, it's...
08:45David Walliams.
08:46Yeah.
08:47Oh, you do an impression of him.
08:48Yes, I do.
08:49Do your impression.
08:50Erm...
08:51The computer says no.
08:53LAUGHTER
08:55That's him, isn't it?
08:57No, David Walliams.
08:59The computer says no.
09:01Isn't that him?
09:02No, it's more like...
09:03Your computer says no.
09:04Or something like that.
09:05My computer says no.
09:07LAUGHTER
09:08It's very good.
09:09Well, anyway.
09:10So, er...
09:11David Walliams.
09:12Yeah?
09:13And he was having a fight with, erm...
09:14Er...
09:15Warwick Davis.
09:16Warwick Davis.
09:17Yeah.
09:18Oh, right, yeah.
09:19A terrible fight.
09:20Started off, Warwick landed an awful powerful punch on his knee.
09:23Did he?
09:24Yeah, he is quite small, isn't he?
09:26LAUGHTER
09:28Anyway, I filmed the whole thing on me Dougal cam.
09:31Oh, I'd love to...
09:32Dougal cam?
09:33What's a Dougal cam?
09:34Well, it's a little, mini, tiny, mini camera that James Bond often uses.
09:36It's a tiny one.
09:37Oh, get you.
09:38Get you.
09:39Er...
09:40And I call it a Dougal cam.
09:41Yeah.
09:42Cos I sellotape it to me Dougal, you know.
09:43I know what you mean.
09:44The young...
09:45The young lad who lives in the woods.
09:46I know that.
09:47What's a character.
09:48Yeah.
09:49So, I...
09:50I sellotaped it on.
09:51Yeah.
09:52And then poked it through the keyhole.
09:54To get the footage.
09:55And filmed the whole thing.
09:56And can't we see it now?
09:57It was terrible.
09:58Awful.
09:59Yes, we can see it.
10:00And the truth is true.
10:02Er...
10:03Er...
10:04Er...
10:05Er...
10:06Er...
10:07Er...
10:08Er...
10:09Er...
10:10Er...
10:11Er...
10:12Er...
10:13Er...
10:14Er...
10:15Er...
10:16Er...
10:17Er...
10:18Er...
10:19And that was it.
10:20Look, what?
10:21You must have made me feel?
10:22I'm starving, absolutely starving.
10:24I'm a fatballer or something, I don't know.
10:25Have you got any?
10:26Have you got any? No, I haven't actually. I don't know what I said.
10:29I want something like... I want a nice, rich coffee cake or something like that.
10:35Or some Gorgonzolo.
10:37Oh, lovely stuff. Or ducking orange paint.
10:41Or a nice pork groin.
10:44Well, why don't you have some fruit?
10:46You know I can't eat fruit. Come on, give it...
10:49You know what happens when I eat fruit, don't you? Yeah, all right. Come on, just try.
10:52It's going to happen again if I eat it. Oh, we'll see.
10:56That's what I told you. You really can't eat it, can you? No.
11:01All right, lads, what are you doing?
11:05Who are you? Tom Cruise, the actor.
11:09It looks like him. It just looked like him, didn't it? Yeah.
11:11Are you all right, Tom? What are you doing in town, Tom?
11:13I'm doing a stunt up the street. All right.
11:15What sort of stunt are you doing?
11:17Just grabbing hold of a hot exhaust pipe and pulling it a bit.
11:20Good luck with that, then.
11:25Anyway, we better get on.
11:27Oh, you're all right. I'll just hang about here.
11:29All right. Yeah, I'll do that.
11:31All right. Tom Cruise.
11:33Anyway, later on, ladies and gentlemen, we've got Keira Knightley.
11:36She's going to come on and cover a bell in crab paste.
11:42What are those wires down there for?
11:44What are the for?
11:45Microphones and tellies and that.
11:47Yeah, that sort of thing, Tom.
11:49Yeah, that sort of thing, Tom.
11:50We'd better get on. Sorry.
11:52What are you doing? Having a laugh?
11:53Making jokes and messing about with that.
11:55Yeah.
11:56Kind of, yeah.
11:57That sort of thing, yeah.
11:59Yeah, yeah.
12:00Anyway, I've got to go and do the stunt, all right.
12:02Thank God for that.
12:03Here's a pound each to go and buy some sweets.
12:05All right.
12:06All right.
12:07Thanks, Tom.
12:09Good.
12:10Sorry about that.
12:12Don't prove.
12:14You know what?
12:15Maybe we should just have our supper early.
12:17Yeah, OK.
12:18Yeah, come on.
12:19I mean, why not?
12:21Did you not bring anything, boys and girls?
12:24Lovely.
12:25Well, right, let's just bowlers tuck in.
12:28LAUGHTER
12:30LAUGHTER
12:31LAUGHTER
12:33LAUGHTER
12:36LAUGHTER
12:37LAUGHTER
12:45LAUGHTER
12:50LAUGHTER
12:53Oh, that's good.
13:09Oh, yeah.
13:17Oh, yeah.
13:23Oh, yes.
13:27Oh, yes.
13:31Oh, yes.
13:39Oh, yes.
13:41Oh, yes.
13:43Oh, yes.
13:45Oh, yes.
13:47Right, Spanagan's up, that's nice.
13:49It just goes to a sandwich club again, isn't it?
13:52Oh, it goes to a game.
13:53So, what's the story with your jacket, Larry?
13:55Oh, the fire-damaged jacket.
13:56Ah, yeah.
13:57Well, do you know Eric Clapton?
13:59Aye, Eric Clapton, aye, ding-dong-dong.
14:01Eric Clapton, aye.
14:03Well, he was, he climbed up the chimney in the orphanage.
14:06Ah, I get it.
14:08You know what I mean, he was up in the chimney.
14:10He was going to make a dramatic entrance at Christmas,
14:12you know, for the orphans.
14:13Ah, for the orphans.
14:14But he got up there too, so, and it was in June.
14:16Ah, yeah.
14:17He was waiting for some time, the matron set the fire,
14:19and set him on fire, you know.
14:20So, they called me in, because I've had to experience...
14:22Ah, well, they call you in, you know all about that sort of thing.
14:25So, I climbed up the chimney to set him free, which I did do.
14:29Mick Ocknell was up there and all.
14:31Well, I just left him in there.
14:32Ah, you just left Mick, did you?
14:34Hey, you know George Clooney, you know him?
14:35Oh, George Clooney.
14:36Oh, he's gorgeous, isn't he?
14:37Oh, he's gorgeous, such a George Clooney.
14:38You know, he was born with a crest.
14:41You know, like a cockatoo.
14:43Yeah.
14:44So, they called me in to remove it.
14:47Because I've got experience in this.
14:49Oh, you, you, yeah.
14:49Because I got a pair of scissors for him when I was in the Navy.
14:54Oh, you kept your naval scissors?
14:56I kept your naval scissors.
14:57Ah, yeah.
14:58I was in the merchant Navy.
14:59I was hired in occasionally to cut off funnels.
15:01Oh, right.
15:03So, you cut it off for him, did you?
15:04So, I cut it off for him, and I put it on eBay.
15:09Oh, did you flog it?
15:10I flog it for £78,000.
15:11Oh, right. Who bought it then?
15:13Chris Evans.
15:14Chris Evans, didn't you?
15:15He uses it as a fan when he gets in a huff at the car.
15:18Ah.
15:19He does get in a huff, Chris, eh?
15:21Do you know what?
15:22I was digging around me garden the other day with me hook.
15:24Right, right.
15:25And I dug up what I thought was some Saxon knick-knacks.
15:28Ah, right.
15:28You know, like Saxon knick-knacks paraphernalia, not the hard.
15:31Ah.
15:32You know, like the curly-fucking-bracelets things.
15:35I'm sorry.
15:36Like thick.
15:37Bracelets and fucking curls.
15:39Anyway.
15:40What?
15:41So, you're digging up this stuff like Saxon stuff?
15:44I dug it off.
15:45Saxon shite, you know.
15:46I dug it up.
15:47Turned out to be just like a load of old hair clips and a fuse box.
15:52And a fuse box.
15:53Yeah.
15:54So, I put it on eBay as Saxon paraphernalia.
15:57Saxon leftovers like that, didn't they?
15:58Yeah.
15:59And I sold it.
16:00Yeah, did you sell it?
16:01Aye.
16:02How much did you get for it?
16:03£58,000.
16:04Not bad.
16:05Who did you sell it to?
16:07Chris Evans.
16:08Oh, I got a good find the other day, mate.
16:11Yeah, what did you find?
16:12I got up in the attic.
16:13Right.
16:14I just pulled down a, like, plump caddier bag, you know.
16:17Opened it up.
16:18It's full of, like, zips.
16:19Oh, nice zips.
16:20You know, spare zips and that.
16:21Did someone mention something about zips?
16:24It's Chris Evans.
16:25It's Chris Evans.
16:26Chris Evans.
16:27Yeah.
16:28Yeah, yeah.
16:29Yeah, Chris.
16:30Well, I love much.
16:31Yeah, how much?
16:32How much?
16:33£29,000.
16:35£29,000, mate.
16:37Deal.
16:38There you go.
16:40Throwing mud.
16:42We will send you a sachet of throwing mud.
16:44Hold them a bag, five by five.
16:46Direct from our field of mud here in Norfolk.
16:49Field of mud.
16:50Throw it as a neighbour.
16:51As an intruder.
16:52Throw it on stage mid-opera.
16:54For long distance work, we'll send you this shitty shotty stick.
16:58In a cardboard tube.
17:00Cardboard tube.
17:0126 by two.
17:02Huge distances can be achieved, bringing the whole town within range.
17:07Throwing mud, the natural fighting tool?
17:08www.throwingmud.co.com forward slash dot dot.
17:24Anyway, let's take a trip to Novelty Island.
17:39Right, Novelty Island and the first turn in the paddock here at Novelty Island is previously
17:53being a flight attendant, a flight risk, a flautist and a fly tipper.
17:56He's 21 years old and claims to be Britain's only gay man.
18:02A fly ball.
18:03A fly ball.
18:04A fly ball.
18:05A fly ball.
18:06Ladies and gentlemen, ooh, it's Graham Lister.
18:09APPLAUSE
18:10Yes, it's time for some quality entertainment here on the stage.
18:21You're pathetic, you really are.
18:23Still parading around like a chaffinch with his tackle out.
18:25Ooh, yeah.
18:26With your big bulbous head on you.
18:28What have you been eating?
18:29Turf.
18:30So what is this thing?
18:31You soft lad.
18:32Ooh, you soft gett.
18:33How does that make it?
18:34Ooh, soft gett is it?
18:35Yeah.
18:36Yeah.
18:37How does that make you feel?
18:38Pretty bad.
18:39LAUGHTER
18:40What have you got in here, anyway, in this cardboard box?
18:42Here tonight I present a quality item, Reeves.
18:44It's Beaky the Owl.
18:46I rescued him from...
18:47Is it a real owl?
18:48It's a real owl, yes.
18:49I rescued him from the ship farm in Strungland.
18:52I cared for him for many months and fed him.
18:55And now he's here to perform his little act for tonight.
18:58It's Beaky.
18:59There he is.
19:00LAUGHTER
19:01Now...
19:02LAUGHTER
19:03Is that a real owl?
19:04Yes, it's a real owl.
19:06LAUGHTER
19:07You're laughing at.
19:09Do you want him to lose his confidence?
19:11LAUGHTER
19:12You're with him?
19:13Right.
19:14Anyway.
19:15On the command, Shakira...
19:17LAUGHTER
19:18Which you will give.
19:19Yes.
19:20He will hoot and he will urinate into this milk bottle.
19:23LAUGHTER
19:24Superb act, isn't it?
19:25Very good.
19:26LAUGHTER
19:27Shakira.
19:28Hoot!
19:30LAUGHTER
19:33Quality item.
19:35Imagine that.
19:36That's not him hooting, that's you.
19:38I think you'll find it is.
19:40Do it again.
19:41Well, say Shakira.
19:42Shakira!
19:43Hoot!
19:44LAUGHTER
19:45LAUGHTER
19:46LAUGHTER
19:47LAUGHTER
19:48Very precious stuff, that, Reeves.
19:49You're a very lucky lad.
19:51I'll see you later when I've inevitably won.
19:53LAUGHTER
19:54Act number two is George Meat Market.
20:11He's here tonight to raise awareness for a condition he thinks he might have.
20:15That's nice, isn't it?
20:16Ladies and gentlemen, here comes George.
20:18LAUGHTER
20:31I don't know if you've noticed, ladies and gentlemen, but George is backwards.
20:36LAUGHTER
20:37And, er, tonight he's going to sing a little tune with his young friend Prairie Pete.
20:43LAUGHTER
20:44So, if you're ready...
20:46LAUGHTER
20:47あぁ...
20:48LAUGHTER
21:14Thank you! There he goes.
21:17APPLAUSE
21:21George's Meat Market, there.
21:23The next act is Bill Decker.
21:35Bill Decker, so...
21:38Bill Decker, what do you do?
21:40My name is Bill Decker.
21:42Good.
21:43And I'm...
21:45Ooh, a murderer.
21:49Waterballs.
21:52I'm here tonight to do impressions of some African animals.
21:57African animals?
21:58Two African animals.
22:00All right.
22:01So, would you like to kick off?
22:03Let's have the first animal.
22:05Oh, you have to take my hands out of my pockets.
22:08LAUGHTER
22:09APPLAUSE
22:11My first animal.
22:12Here it comes now.
22:14LAUGHTER
22:15APPLAUSE
22:17My first animal.
22:19Here it comes now.
22:21Is it a monkey?
22:22It's a monkey.
22:23You're quite...
22:24Right.
22:25Very good.
22:26Was that monkey stabbing someone?
22:27Yeah.
22:28Hitchhiker.
22:291976, A303.
22:30OK, very good.
22:31Second animal.
22:32You had to guess what it is, right?
22:34BRRRRRRRR.
22:35BURRRRRRRRR!
22:36BURRRRRRR!
22:37BUURRRRRR!
22:38BURRRRR!
22:39A6, A303.
22:42OK, very good.
22:43Er, second animal.
22:45You have to guess what it is, right?
22:47BRO-UH-UH!
22:50BRO-UH!
22:52That was an elephant.
22:55That's right.
22:56And, er, did that elephant just shoot someone?
22:59Yeah, that was a travelling salesman.
23:021993...
23:04M6.
23:06Thank you very much.
23:07Right on.
23:08Thank you very much.
23:09Bill Decker.
23:17And watching and judging the acts tonight is...
23:21Jeff, the fly, Goldblum's ironing board.
23:26And representing the three acts that we've seen are Jeff's underpants.
23:31One, two, three. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday.
23:34The rest of the week, he doesn't need them because he's the fly.
23:37So, who is the winner tonight at Novelty Island?
23:45Bill Decker!
23:46It's Bill Decker!
23:55Well done, Bill!
23:59Well done, Bill!
24:01Well done, Bill!
24:02I do that when I'm happy.
24:03I do that when I'm happy.
24:09You are, son.
24:10You are.
24:12Right on.
24:14I'm very pleased to have won.
24:15I bet you are.
24:16I leave you with this.
24:17I leave you with this.
24:22The Science Lord Round.
24:24I have to run a minute with this.
24:25Okay.
24:26Alright.
24:27Hey, hey, hey.
24:29The Science Program
24:56Sponsored by the television station
25:00So, ladies and gentlemen,
25:08Vick has had some very expensive plastic surgery.
25:13He's had a new nose.
25:15Yeah, I'm really pleased with it.
25:16Are you pleased with it?
25:17Well, I haven't actually seen it yet, but I think I'll be pleased with it.
25:19But it feels good, yeah?
25:20It feels great. It feels a lot better.
25:22I got it done at John's, the plastic surgery.
25:25John's, the plastic surgeon in Lewisham above the arcade.
25:29All right.
25:30Well, I'll take a photo and you can see if you like the look of it.
25:34There you are.
25:35What do you think?
25:37What do you reckon?
25:39It's terrible. It's awful.
25:41It doesn't even look like a nose.
25:44Well, ladies and gentlemen,
25:47Let me offer you this advice.
25:49Don't go to John's, the plastic surgeon in Lewisham above the arcade,
25:52if you want a nose job.
25:53Yeah.
25:54Even if he does reheal your shoes whilst the glue's setting.
25:57Do you think the glue...
25:58Look at that. 8,000 pound now.
26:00I realise that.
26:018,000 pounds.
26:02I do realise and you have my sympathy.
26:04Would you like me to try and get it off before the glue fully dries?
26:07Yeah, I think you probably should.
26:08Come on, let's see if we can.
26:10You ready?
26:11I'll hold you by that hook on your back of your neck.
26:13Yeah.
26:17Yeah, got it.
26:18Even the glue was rubbish as well.
26:19There you go.
26:20I wonder what it was he used.
26:21I don't know.
26:22It looks a bit like a bulldog's ball sack.
26:24It does a bit, yeah.
26:25There was a bulldog actually in his office.
26:28Yeah.
26:29It looked like it was struggling to sit down.
26:31Well, that might be it then.
26:32I don't know why I bother.
26:33So this John above the shops in the arcade, yeah?
26:36Yeah.
26:37What did he look like?
26:38Well, you know, beady eyes.
26:40Yeah.
26:41A big fur coat.
26:42Right.
26:43Chlorians.
26:44And was he always holding a nut in front of him?
26:46Yeah.
26:47Yeah.
26:48It's a squirrel, wasn't it?
26:49Yeah.
26:50You've been getting services off squirrels again.
26:52What will you ever learn, Vic?
26:54Who was it?
26:55Your sciatica?
26:56Yeah.
26:57You had that treated by what?
26:58A turtle.
26:59A turtle.
27:00I'll say a turtle.
27:01And who did you use to do your varicose veins?
27:03Richard.
27:04Richard the?
27:05Crab.
27:06Richard the crab.
27:07You've got to stop it, Vic.
27:08You really must.
27:09And I think, you know, on that note, I think we should bring this project to an end for the
27:13evening.
27:14If you don't mind.
27:15All right.
27:16Let me get you to bed.
27:17So we're going to sing a song and say goodnight.
27:19But if that's not your cup of tea, Vaughan's over there and you can stare at him holding a bottle of water and a coat hanger.
27:26If you prefer that vibe.
27:27If you prefer that vibe.
27:28So goodnight, ladies and gentlemen.
27:34All right, ma'am.
27:37You can do it if you really want.
27:40You can do it if you really want.
27:43Ha!
27:44You can do it if you really want.
27:46You can do it if you really want.
27:48Come on!
27:50Put a pigeon in a carrier bag, hey, crush an onion and drink the sap, go live on radio teas, eat dextrol at a summer camp, yeah, put a sixpence in a horse's mouth, hey, take some kids to Germany, throw a tub at Mary Berry, draw a kestrel on your dungarees, yeah,
28:18you can do it if you really want, you can do it if you really want, you can do it if you really want, you can do it if you really want, you can do it if you really want, you can do it if you really want.
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