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00:00MUSIC
00:13Oh! Oh!
00:16Thank you very much!
00:18Oh, hello, hello, hello, good evening!
00:22Thank you, thank you, thank you.
00:25Lovely to see you all.
00:27You are so welcome to the show.
00:29Hey, everyone, it's Halloween!
00:31Oh, I know.
00:33The spookiest night of the year.
00:35I couldn't be more scared if I was Alan Carr
00:37walking across a rickety bridge.
00:39LAUGHTER
00:42And that is very scared.
00:44And we've got a great line up for you tonight.
00:46Singing for us later, we've not won,
00:48but two brilliant music acts.
00:50It's Mumford & Sons with Hosier!
00:52CHEERING
00:54They're joining forces for the new single,
00:57rubber band man.
00:58But first, who's joining forces on my sofa tonight?
01:00Well, he's one of the nation's favourite comedians
01:03who won the Glitterball Trophy and the BAFTA
01:05for his inspiring journey on Strictly Come Dancing.
01:07His new autobiography is called Keep Laughing.
01:10Please welcome Chris McCausland!
01:13CHEERING
01:15Hi, Chris.
01:16Good to see you.
01:17Good to see you.
01:18There you go.
01:19There you go.
01:20There you go.
01:21Whoo!
01:24This BAFTA-winning actor shot the fame in sex education
01:27and recently stole every scene as Chelsea and the White Lotus.
01:31Now she's back on the BBC with a new series of daddy issues.
01:35It's a first-time welcome to Amy Le Wood!
01:38CHEERING
01:40Yay!
01:41CHEERING
01:43Hi, hi, hi.
01:46How are you, though?
01:47Amy Le Wood's here!
01:49At the age of 15, this extraordinary woman
01:53survived a brutal attack by the Taliban
01:55to become an advocate for education and women's rights
01:58and a global icon, not to mention the youngest recipient
02:01of the Nobel Peace Prize.
02:04Her latest memoir, Finding My Way,
02:06brings her incredible story up to date.
02:08It is a pleasure to welcome Malala Yousafzai!
02:11CHEERING
02:17Hello!
02:18So nice to see you.
02:19Come in and have a seat.
02:21I know!
02:25And we've loved his actor from her breakout role
02:27as a footballing tomboy in Bended Like Beckham
02:29to her Oscar-nominated roles in Pride and Prejudice
02:32and The Imitation Game.
02:34Now she's turned children's author with her book
02:36I Love You Just The Same.
02:38It's a warm welcome back to Keira Knightley!
02:40CHEERING
02:42CHEERING
02:43Hello!
02:44Mwah and mwah!
02:45Have a seat there!
02:46CHEERING
02:48CHEERING
02:50CHEERING
02:52Oh!
02:54Really nice to see you all.
02:55Welcome back to Keira and Chris.
02:57A first-time welcome to Malala and Amy.
02:59Hello!
03:00Hello!
03:01You're very welcome.
03:02Now, we've had Oscar winners and BAFTA winners,
03:04all sorts, on the show.
03:05You are the first person to sit on that couch
03:07who's won a Nobel Peace Prize, Malala.
03:14So, how does it...
03:16Do they bring it round on a cushion to your house?
03:18How do you get it?
03:20No, they just announced it on television.
03:22OK!
03:23Yeah, and I was actually at school.
03:25I was in my chemistry class and my school's deputy headteacher
03:28walked in and called me outside and she informed me
03:31that I had won the Nobel Peace Prize.
03:33Did you ask whether it was a chemistry?
03:35LAUGHTER
03:36Yeah, well, I knew I was good.
03:38LAUGHTER
03:39But she usually calls you when you are in trouble.
03:41Yeah, yeah, yeah.
03:42So, I was like, you know, not too bad today.
03:45And then I finished my school day
03:49because I thought if you receive the Nobel Peace Prize
03:51for education, you have to finish your school day.
03:54Very wise.
03:55That's insane, to be honest.
03:56I mean, like, just...
03:57Yeah.
03:58Since the last time I was here, come on,
04:00I would strictly come dancing, I've won a BAFTA for it
04:03and then you've had me sat next to someone
04:05who's got a Nobel Peace Prize.
04:07LAUGHTER
04:10Yeah.
04:11Everything does kind of pale, it didn't do it.
04:14And, apparently, there are good vibes.
04:17This show's got to go well.
04:18Amy Lewwood, you've done research.
04:21Yes.
04:22I always do research.
04:23OK.
04:24From the stars.
04:25OK.
04:26This is a good astrological mix.
04:28Ooh!
04:29Yes. Very good.
04:30So you've researched us all?
04:31Yes.
04:32I mean, I might not remember now
04:33because it's scary and my mind's gone blank.
04:35OK.
04:36And we're all looking at you going, go on then.
04:38Yeah, I know.
04:39Just make it up, that's what all the good ones do.
04:41Yeah, yeah.
04:42Yeah.
04:43You two are Aries, right?
04:44Yes!
04:45Yes!
04:46Are you?
04:47So you bring the passion, the energy, you know,
04:49you keep the fire going.
04:50That's awesome.
04:51That's all cute.
04:52Cancer, aren't you?
04:53I am cancer, yeah.
04:54You're the mother of the zodiac.
04:55Oh.
04:56Hello, children.
04:57Yeah.
04:58So it's a lot of nurture and emotional intelligence
05:03and, yeah, so, and depth.
05:05What are you?
05:06I'm an Aquarius.
05:07Oh.
05:08Yeah, which is like the weird one.
05:10Yeah, it is.
05:11Chris, you're a Gemini, aren't you?
05:13I am, yeah.
05:14Yes, we're quite similar.
05:15Aquarius and Gemini, both of them.
05:16OK.
05:17But Gemini's are very chatty.
05:18Gemini's are very chatty, so that's good.
05:20Yes, it is.
05:21Right, I mean, it helps, doesn't it, yeah?
05:22Yeah.
05:23It's a chat show.
05:24Yeah.
05:25Yeah, we're delighted.
05:26I mean, she's predicted I'm going to be chatty.
05:28She's seen it in the stars.
05:30Can I just say, Amelia Wood, thank you very much for making the effort to do that.
05:34You know, not many guests do, so thank you very much.
05:36Yeah.
05:37APPLAUSE
05:38Well, listen, it's a bit of a book club tonight because three books to talk about,
05:44as well as Amy's television show.
05:46So let's get started with Keira Knightley.
05:49She has written a children's book, a beautiful thing.
05:52It is called I Love You Just The Same.
05:55I've got to angle it until we get to see the gold lettering.
05:57Nice.
05:58Yeah.
05:59It's out.
06:00Good oohing.
06:01Good oohing.
06:02Thank you very much for the oohing, yes.
06:03It's out now.
06:04And so this is a children's book, but it was inspired by your own children.
06:07Yes, my own children.
06:08So my oldest daughter didn't like sleeping at all.
06:11And so she didn't sleep through the night until she was five.
06:13And as part of that, we went through, like, various different strategies.
06:17Can I just say, anyone pregnant now,
06:19can I be in it?
06:20Can I be in it?
06:21Can I be in it?
06:22And then one day she said, can you draw a bird and can it take the baby away?
06:25I was like, wow, okay, yes I can.
06:26So I drew this picture.
06:27And at the end of this five months, we had, like, I mean, so many images.
06:28And I said to her, okay, I'll put them into a picture.
06:29And I said to her, okay, at bedtime, I will draw you a picture at night.
06:31And so when you wake up, you'll see the picture and you'll know that I've been thinking about
06:35you.
06:36And so every single night she'd ask for a drawing and it would be, like, of a bird or
06:39of a cat.
06:40And then eventually she'd be like, okay, can I be in it?
06:41Can I be in it?
06:42Can my sister be in it?
06:43And then one day she said, can you draw a bird and can it take the baby away?
06:48And I was like, wow, okay, yes, I can.
06:51So I drew this picture.
06:52And at the end of this five months, we had, like, I mean, so many images.
06:56And I said to her, okay, I'll put them into a book for you.
06:58And she said, no, they're boring.
06:59They're just in black and white, you know, as children do.
07:02Oh, brilliant, okay.
07:03So I spent, like, another couple of months trying to colour them in.
07:05And then I put them up on the wall and I just kind of kept playing with them.
07:09And this story kind of came out of it, of this, um, of this girl whose baby
07:14sister gets taken away by a pigeon.
07:16And she has to go on a magical adventure to find her again.
07:19Of course she does.
07:20Yes, because I had to get the baby back.
07:22And, er...
07:23And I like that it's a pigeon, because apparently there's some pushback
07:26by the publishers, they thought the pigeon was not appropriate.
07:28No, they felt that it shouldn't be a pigeon and it should be a lovely,
07:31mysterious bird.
07:32I felt very strongly about the pigeon, but apparently lots of people
07:34don't like pigeons.
07:35But I like a pigeon, I'm a big fan of a pigeon, so there are pigeons.
07:39And can I just say, so, you know, it's not like they didn't use your pictures,
07:42these are your pictures in the book.
07:43They are my pictures in the book, yes.
07:45And can we just admire her pigeon, frankly?
07:47Admire my pigeons.
07:49Lovely pigeon.
07:50Lovely pigeon.
07:51Yep.
07:53It's so detailed.
07:56I mean, it's...
07:57It's very detailed.
07:58So, it's...
07:59I actually...
08:00I draw a lot anyway.
08:01And it's partly...
08:02I'm dyslexic, so I find learning lines quite difficult.
08:04So I normally record the lines that I'm doing, and I listen to them
08:07and listen to them.
08:08And when I'm listening to them, I'm drawing the whole time.
08:10So I think they have to be quite detailed, otherwise the lines
08:13don't go in my head.
08:14So normally I'm drawing kind of pictures of...
08:16I don't know why, but it's old men with wrinkles.
08:18Hello.
08:19Sounds like you've done it already.
08:21So this was the first time that I've had to do something not old men
08:26with wrinkles, and it had to be something other.
08:28But it was actually...
08:29I was doing it the whole time I was doing Black Dove season one.
08:32So I was...
08:33I can only just say, I'm very aware, Chris, that I'm showing
08:36illustrations that you can't see.
08:37Yeah.
08:38Because is it true?
08:39In life you use AI.
08:40Yeah, yeah.
08:41No, a lot of people use AI to kind of create images these days.
08:43That's what you hear about.
08:44But I use it the other way, and I can use it to take photographs.
08:48And it will describe things to me, whether it's just anything
08:52in a room, a drawing my daughter's done, literally...
08:55It will describe things to me with so much more patience
08:58than any human has ever done for me.
09:01LAUGHTER
09:02And, honestly, it's...
09:04APPLAUSE
09:06I can ask it, like, if I'm shopping for something
09:09and there's, like, a jumper on the internet,
09:12I can get it to describe it to me.
09:14And...
09:15And it never says to me, I'm watching CSI,
09:17can you come back in an hour?
09:18LAUGHTER
09:20Unlike my wife, you know.
09:22It's...
09:23It's...
09:24It's phenomenal.
09:25But I get it to describe my daughter's drawings
09:26and things like that.
09:27It's really...
09:28It's really incredible.
09:29Wow, it's amazing.
09:30And you mentioned there you were working on this book, Kira,
09:32while you were doing Black Doves.
09:33Were you literally drawing these pictures on set?
09:36Yeah, so...
09:37There was about a three-year period where I was just doodling myself.
09:40And then when we went to the publisher and they said yes,
09:42I then had about a year to do it,
09:44but they literally said yes the week I started Black Doves.
09:47So I was kind of doing the whole thing at the same time.
09:49And you still chose pigeons?
09:50I still chose pigeons.
09:51LAUGHTER
09:52Yes, I like pigeons.
09:53Yes.
09:54Brothers and doves.
09:55Sorry, that was...
09:56Oh, should have done.
09:57But, you know, they're kind of similar.
09:58Yeah, they are, aren't they?
09:59Yeah, they are, aren't they?
10:00But also, I love the idea of this woman
10:01wandering off to draw lovely pictures of cats and flowers.
10:04No, and it was literally that day was a pigeon day.
10:06Oh, what?
10:07Yeah, yeah, yeah, so...
10:08We're looking at a picture of Kira covered in blood.
10:10Yeah.
10:11Yeah, yeah.
10:12Yeah, I think all of the other actors on set
10:14were a bit kind of going, what on earth is going on?
10:16I'm like, here's a lovely goldfish,
10:18and here's a lovely, you know, as I'm looking like that.
10:20It was a bit much.
10:21Well, writing, writing is in Kira Knightley's blood,
10:23because your mother was a very successful playwright and novelist.
10:26Yeah, she was.
10:27She was a successful playwright and scriptwriter.
10:29She also wrote a couple of novels.
10:31I'm not sure that they did that well.
10:33But they were...
10:34Wow.
10:35They did make it.
10:36Sorry, Kira's mother.
10:37Sorry, Mum.
10:38But she would say it herself.
10:40But they did make it to the school library,
10:42and one of them was the most taken out book in our school library,
10:45because it had a sexy bit in it.
10:47Oh, wow.
10:48And I didn't realise until I was like,
10:49wow, it's amazing how many people, and then suddenly I got to the sex scene,
10:52and it was a sex scene written by my mother in the school library.
10:54Wow.
10:55A little bit much.
10:56Well, talking of the library, we went to the library,
10:58and we found your mother's book.
10:59Oh.
11:00There you go.
11:01Is it?
11:02It's called Night Night.
11:03Night Night.
11:04There's your mum on the back.
11:05There she is.
11:06Yeah.
11:07Lovely.
11:08And you're not joking.
11:09It opens with...
11:10Is it a sex...
11:11Is it?
11:12Because I don't remember it.
11:13I don't know.
11:14Would you call this a sex...
11:15Now, somebody didn't enjoy it overly.
11:16LAUGHTER
11:18What is it?
11:19We don't know what it is.
11:20Oh, my God.
11:21It's just a stain.
11:22It's a stain.
11:23It's a stain.
11:24A very mysterious stain.
11:25There's a brown stain on the front.
11:27You know.
11:28It's fine.
11:29LAUGHTER
11:30I wonder what AI would say.
11:31Yeah.
11:32LAUGHTER
11:33But it begins...
11:34Yeah.
11:35This is...
11:36This is literally the first sentence of your mother's book.
11:38Oh, no.
11:39Yeah.
11:40In the middle of the ballroom, in the middle of the ball,
11:41Frances began to unbutton all the tiny pearls down the front of her Cinderella ball gown.
11:46Oh.
11:47Cinderella didn't have tits with milk in.
11:48She shouted to all the other guests.
11:49Well, no.
11:50That's the first sentence.
11:51That would do it, wouldn't it?
11:52Yeah.
11:53That's the library.
11:54Absolutely.
11:55Yeah.
11:56They loved it.
11:57We'll be returning it to...
11:58I think Redbridge Library we got it from.
11:59OK, good.
12:00Yes.
12:01And maybe do something about that, I would say.
12:02LAUGHTER
12:03Putting it back on the shelves.
12:04Yeah.
12:05Maybe.
12:06Yeah.
12:07Tip-ex that bit out.
12:08Just a reminder that Keira's book, I Love You Just The Same, is out now.
12:23Now...
12:24CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
12:26Malala Yousafzai has a new memoir called Finding My Way.
12:34It is out now, and this documents kind of the second half of your life, really,
12:39since you came to this country, isn't that right?
12:42Yeah, and this is my coming-of-age story, and these are the most personal reflections
12:47I have ever shared.
12:49This is about my time in school, in high school, when I was a lonely student
12:54to then becoming a reckless college student and navigating my way as a young woman.
13:01So I have shared a lot about my personal experiences, about belonging, friendships,
13:06love, mental health and many other topics.
13:09And my hope is that when somebody reads this book, they know that they're not alone.
13:14So that's the message I want to spread.
13:16Yeah.
13:17APPLAUSE
13:19And if you don't mind, I mean, because what happened to you, the murder attempt was sort
13:26of 15 years ago, so there might be some people who don't remember, who don't know.
13:30Could you briefly remind us of what happened and how you ended up in this country?
13:34Yeah, my life completely changed.
13:36When I was only 11 years old, extremists took over our hometown, and when they announced
13:42a ban on girls' education, that's when I started doing my activism, because I knew that I could
13:47not have a future without an education.
13:49Then they attempted to kill me.
13:52I survived that attempt.
13:54And my life took a whole different pathway after that, because I was moved to the UK for
13:58my treatment, I received surgeries here, and I started my high school here.
14:03And then, you know, I felt so lucky that I went to college and I completed my degree, and
14:08that was the moment when I felt that I had won, because the people who tried to silence
14:13me and stop me from learning failed, and I actually completed my education.
14:17But I have the same dream for all of you.
14:20APPLAUSE
14:22Because, you know, in the book, you know, you leave hospital, you go to high school,
14:27but as you say, it was when you went to university, that's when you...
14:30You kind of, not reinvent yourself, but just kind of wanted to become, you know...
14:35A normal, a normal person.
14:36Yes.
14:37And did you feel, because, you know, you were so famous and, you know, when you showed up
14:42at university, did you feel that everyone had an expectation of who Malala was going to be?
14:46100%, but I didn't want it to be that way.
14:49So that's why I remember when I was packing for university, I wanted to pack all the things
14:55that made me look like a normal college student.
14:57And I knew that if I wore my traditional shalwar kameez, the Pakistani traditional outfit,
15:02I would stand out, and then people would see me as the public figure Malala.
15:06So I wanted to wear, like, jeans and jumpers, anything that's just, like, basic and normal.
15:11So I went on Google and I looked up, like, casual style 2017,
15:16and then I searched up Selena Gomez, casual.
15:21Now, so you, you, so you Googled it.
15:23So this is Selena Gomez here.
15:25Yes.
15:26And you sent us these pictures.
15:27Yes.
15:28And that's Selena Gomez.
15:29And this is Malala channeling Selena.
15:31Oh, wow.
15:32It's good.
15:33We've got another one here.
15:34This is, now, when I saw that, I thought, Malala didn't wear that, did she?
15:37But she did.
15:38Went very zippy.
15:39Look at you.
15:40Oh, hello.
15:41Yeah.
15:42Yeah.
15:43And when you were walking around Oxford, you know, were you very aware,
15:50were the paparazzi, or were you getting a lot of attention?
15:53I was aware that there are people sort of following me around.
15:57You know, I wanted to be a normal student in college, but, of course, I knew that if,
16:02you know, like, some people are just looking for some excuse to create a whole controversy
16:07out of it, seeing me in a club or, you know, having fun with friends.
16:10But, yeah, then a whole controversy came out that was quite surprising to me.
16:16So I was out that day for rowing, and I was wearing skinny jeans and a bomber jacket
16:22and my headscarf.
16:23That's where I was.
16:24They were, yeah.
16:25Yes.
16:26I regret going for rowing that day, of course, because I had signed up for everything at
16:30college.
16:31And I said, oh, let's try rowing as well, because I want to be this active student.
16:34I want to make friends.
16:35I don't want those, like, lonely high school years.
16:38And I realized that for rowing, you have to be up at 5 a.m.
16:41And you need to know how to swim.
16:44And I couldn't swim at the time.
16:47But then, walking back from there, somebody took a photo of me wearing skinny jeans.
16:52And I got this call from my parents telling me that they were really concerned because
16:57people are criticizing me for wearing jeans.
17:00That this is not a traditional outfit and somehow I am shaming the country and the culture.
17:06But I told my parents that I'm not in college for some pilgrimage or some, you know, cultural representation.
17:12I'm here as a student.
17:13And I reminded my dad that when my brothers came into this country, they switched to the
17:19Western clothing right away.
17:20They wear jeans and tops.
17:22But nobody criticized them.
17:24It's only women and girls who are being criticized.
17:27So, it's not fair.
17:28Yeah.
17:29Every time there's anything that happens though, you just text them a photo of the
17:34Nobel Peace Prize.
17:36Yes, as I was saying.
17:40Yeah, no comment needed.
17:42But in terms of being scrutinized by, you know, the public and paparazzi, Keira Knightley,
17:47you had it, like, there was kind of a peak moment in your fame when the paparazzi just decided
17:52they were obsessed with you.
17:53Yeah.
17:54And you came up with a devious plan.
17:56Oh, yes, my devious plan was for about two years I wore exactly the same clothes every
18:00single day.
18:01Very good.
18:02I mean, actually, I had, like, about four stripy T-shirts and two pairs
18:06in the same jeans.
18:07So, you know, I did actually change my clothes.
18:08But every single time I went out, it was a uniform.
18:10And if they were following me, I would just stop.
18:12So, I wouldn't have anyone follow me.
18:14So, I'd just stop and I'd stand there completely still.
18:17And it would be hours and hours and hours and hours.
18:21But eventually, I think I'd just freak them out and they'd stop following me.
18:24Wait a minute.
18:25So, if you stood there, would they just continue to take pictures of you?
18:27Yeah.
18:28For hours.
18:29Five hours, one day.
18:30It was five hours stood on a thing like this.
18:32And they, I, they, and, and, I, I honestly do think I freaked them out.
18:36They, they were like, I don't understand what's happening here.
18:38Imagine people walking past going, that statue of Keira Knightley's in a weird place, isn't it?
18:42Yeah.
18:43Don't you put the statue there?
18:44Yeah, yeah, yeah.
18:45Yeah.
18:46Madame Jussauds had a clear out.
18:47Yeah.
18:48I like that there's something so bloody minded about it.
18:51I know it was, it was a bit.
18:53And, you know, and again, it was quite fun going, oh, this is what freaks you out.
18:56If you run away, that doesn't freak you out.
18:58But if you stand still and just stand there, completely freaks them out.
19:01Yeah.
19:02Yeah.
19:03And now, the second half of Manala's book is a love story.
19:07Yes.
19:08So tell us about Aser.
19:10Yeah, um, I met him through some friends in college.
19:14And the moment I saw him, I knew he was a good looking guy.
19:17There he is.
19:18Can I just ask Manala, how long does he spend doing his hair?
19:21That is some careful hair.
19:23Forever.
19:24Yeah.
19:25It's true, it's true.
19:26I mean, I'm like, why are you in the toilet for hours?
19:28Like, you know, how much gel do you need to put on your hair?
19:31But, um...
19:32But you met him and you thought, hello.
19:35Yes.
19:36And the first experience was go-karting.
19:38And I had a mini crash at go-karting.
19:41And I, you know, made it into a big deal.
19:45He was beside me and I told him, I said, you don't understand.
19:48I think I had a concussion.
19:50Uh, but he was, he was trying to make me feel normal.
19:54He was being funny.
19:55He reminded me that I was driving at five miles per hour.
19:58LAUGHTER
19:59But we immediately connected.
20:01He has a good sense of humour.
20:03He laughed at my jokes, which is important.
20:05Yes.
20:06Yes.
20:07And how difficult is it to, you know, to date Malala?
20:10Because you have security with you all the time.
20:12Yeah, I took him to this movie, Toy Story 4.
20:15And I was like, relax, you know, we're together, enjoy the popcorn.
20:19And he said, there's, like, bodyguards behind me.
20:22LAUGHTER
20:23You want me to relax?
20:24Uh, so, yeah, I understood it from his point of view, of course.
20:28But I said, uh, you know, just be yourself.
20:31Yeah.
20:32Yeah.
20:33Forget about those men.
20:34Exactly.
20:35So do you have...
20:36Just get rid of you.
20:37One of the time.
20:38Uh, yes.
20:39They, uh, they started looking after me.
20:41Yeah.
20:42Especially after, like, the Nobel Peace Prize, yeah.
20:43Wow.
20:44Wow.
20:45And they...
20:46Is that kind of forever in your head?
20:47Do you kind of think that's it now?
20:48I've just got security?
20:49So far, yes.
20:50Yeah.
20:51So, um...
20:52Wow.
20:53And I don't want to spoil the ending of the book, but you are a married lady now.
20:55Yes.
20:56Um, and I've suddenly been struck by a question, uh, uh, what star sign is Asa?
21:00Uh, he's a Virgo.
21:01Is that a good one?
21:02Very good.
21:03Yeah.
21:04Very good.
21:05I'm married to a Virgo.
21:06Okay, but he was a premature baby and he was supposed to be a Scorpio.
21:10Oh.
21:11But both would have worked for you.
21:13Yeah, I think...
21:14Yeah, both would have worked.
21:15It's like a bit of a mix.
21:16He has traces of a Scorpio.
21:17Okay, that's good.
21:18That'll keep you on your toes.
21:19LAUGHTER
21:20Well, yeah.
21:21Yeah.
21:22Amy Le Wood has spoken.
21:23Yeah.
21:24And Chris, you're married to a Brazilian woman.
21:27Yeah.
21:28And now you decided...
21:29LAUGHTER
21:30You decided to do quite a big romantic gesture, I think, quite early on.
21:35Well, I was never good at languages as a kid in school and obviously, you know, she
21:40speaks Portuguese with her family and stuff, so I thought, well, I'm an adult now.
21:43I want to learn her language and kind of, you know, be part of that culture, really.
21:49And I thought, well, I can just speak it with her when she's at home as well and I'll
21:52learn really fast and it'll progress.
21:54So, two months in, I'm learning the language and she's coming home from work.
21:59And in the end, she said, please stop.
22:01LAUGHTER
22:02She said, I can't handle this.
22:04I'm at work all day.
22:05I'm coming home.
22:06She said, it's like speaking to a toddler.
22:08LAUGHTER
22:09Cos I was like...
22:10She'd come home and was like, today is Wednesday!
22:12LAUGHTER
22:14I have bought a hat!
22:16LAUGHTER
22:18I'm a businessman from Sao Paolo!
22:21LAUGHTER
22:22APPLAUSE
22:27And, you know, Malala, this book, a lot of it's about you adapting to Western society,
22:32but it's also a story about your parents...
22:34Yes.
22:35..and how they've adapted and changed a lot.
22:37..yeah, my mum especially.
22:39She was very new to the UK culture.
22:41She couldn't speak English initially, so she had to adjust to everything.
22:46But my mum was also, you know, very strict.
22:50She wanted me to be strict to the Pakistani traditional culture.
22:53And so we...
22:56So when I met Prince Harry, we were taking a photo together.
23:02So he put his, like, arm around my shoulder, if you don't mind, like this.
23:06And my mum goes off to him and she says, remove, like...
23:11LAUGHTER
23:12..she just, like, shoves off his hand.
23:15And a bit of a background to this.
23:16So, you know, for my mum, it was always a concern that her daughter is safe
23:21because in...in patriarchal cultures, you know, girls are not allowed
23:25to be outside their homes or, like, to see another guy or...
23:30..so she was just always worried.
23:32She said, I'm not ready to, like, receive another backlash
23:34and, you know, see another controversy happening.
23:37And then there was another moment where I took a picture with David Beckham.
23:41And again, we were, like, you know, standing sort of close together.
23:44And again, my parents were, like, freaking out
23:46because they were receiving calls from our conservative relatives
23:49that, you know, why is Malala standing next to a man?
23:53And I said, firstly, I'm 17.
23:55Secondly, that's David Beckham.
23:57LAUGHTER
23:59So...
24:01..but my mum and I, like, we are becoming more of friends now
24:05and, uh, she...you know, she's...
24:08..now, like, I just like watching her focus on herself.
24:13She's learning English.
24:14She loves shopping.
24:15I mean, she's...she's at John Lewis more than at home.
24:18LAUGHTER
24:20And, yeah, she loves Pilates.
24:22So she's exploring these new things.
24:23So I'm very happy for her.
24:25And we should say that, of course, your work continues with Malala Fund
24:29and you're...you're building schools and you're...
24:31Yes.
24:32..you're getting your message out there still.
24:33Yeah, we work in a lot of countries, uh, including Afghanistan,
24:36where education is banned for girls.
24:38We're supporting online learning and underground schools.
24:41And we're also working in Pakistan, of course.
24:44We have invested more than $15 million in education, um, activists.
24:49And, uh, we built a school there in my parents' village.
24:52And there was no high school for girls there.
24:55So we wanted to make a difference in our community.
24:58And I met the first class of girls who graduated this year
25:02from that school.
25:03And it was amazing that their lives have changed completely.
25:06Wow.
25:07Uh, it's an amazing story.
25:09And Malala's book is called Finding My Way.
25:12Malala Yousafzai, everybody.
25:14Thank you so much.
25:16Um...
25:17And now, uh, Amy Lou Wood, uh, you bring us the second season
25:22of the hit sitcom Daddy Issues.
25:25So BBC One, BBC Three and BBC iPlayer in November.
25:29So, uh, first season, it was a big hit.
25:32Yes, I'm just finding it funny that that's what's following that.
25:34I know.
25:35I...
25:36As I did it, I felt sorry for you.
25:38I felt sorry for you.
25:39I felt sorry for you.
25:40No, I was just in such a deep moment of contemplation
25:42about your amazingness.
25:43And then I was like, yes, this, this thing.
25:46It's more amazing that everything Malala just said followed
25:50Cinderella's tits are not full of you.
25:52Oh, yeah.
25:53That's true as well.
25:54I wasn't going to dwell on that, Chris.
25:57It's a broad, it's a broad, it's a broad church.
26:03All human life is here.
26:04Yes.
26:05So, uh, Daddy Issues.
26:06Yes.
26:07Daddy Issues.
26:08It's important, Amy Lou Wood.
26:09It is very important.
26:10It matters.
26:11Um, so, uh, first season, uh, Gemma, obviously,
26:15with, with, she's pregnant.
26:17Yes.
26:18And now, uh, the baby's happened.
26:19So what's going on in Gemma's life?
26:20Baby's happened.
26:21I love that.
26:22Yes, the baby's happened.
26:23And she's feeling quite lost, quite unanchored.
26:28She doesn't really know what her new identity is.
26:31She feels an amazing amount of gain from baby Sadie,
26:35but also loss of her old life.
26:38And she's missing her dad.
26:39Because her dad's moved out of the flat because her mum's moved in
26:42and her dad's terrified of her mum.
26:44Um, so the cat, we kind of meet her when she's trying to get her dad
26:48back and, and get her mum out.
26:50And we should say her dad, played by the amazing David Morrissey.
26:52David Morrissey.
26:53Yes.
26:54He's so brilliant.
26:55So brilliant.
26:56And it's actually bad how funny he is.
26:58It's bad.
26:59We can't get through the day.
27:01When I can get through a day without ruining a million takes,
27:04people actually come and say, well done to me.
27:06The crew come up and go, you own the corpse like six times today.
27:10Well done.
27:11It's just so much fun.
27:12And, of course, it's filmed in your hometown, Stockport.
27:15Yes.
27:16Yes.
27:17It's lovely.
27:18Yeah.
27:19I didn't say anything.
27:21I know.
27:22I know.
27:23I don't know why.
27:24I'm always like, Stockport jokes coming.
27:25No!
27:26Do you actually film it there or is it just set there?
27:28No, we film it there.
27:29And it's, and it's really fun.
27:31The first season I had people coming over going like,
27:33I know your auntie.
27:34You know, it's like, it's very cosy and nice,
27:37but also we get a lot of hecklers.
27:39Whenever we film on a certain street in Stockport,
27:42it's like, what's it going to be today?
27:44So it's fun.
27:45It's like a Greek chorus.
27:47Constantly in the background.
27:49We've got a clip.
27:50This is you as Gemma sort of getting back out there
27:53after the birth of your baby.
27:55Yes.
27:56Mmm.
27:58Now that is a tasty snack.
28:00Oh, if you're getting a snack, Gemma,
28:02I would love some peanuts.
28:04Yeah.
28:07Oh!
28:08Bye!
28:09Hey.
28:10Hi.
28:11Is your friend okay?
28:12Mm-hmm.
28:13She's not had any tea, so...
28:16I'm Hodge.
28:17Paul Hodgson.
28:18People call me Hodge.
28:20I'm Gemma.
28:21People call me Gemma.
28:23Ah!
28:24Ow!
28:25You having a heart attack?
28:27Well, let's hope so.
28:29So tell me about yourself then.
28:31Well, out working...
28:32Actually, no.
28:33I can't do that.
28:34I need to whimper.
28:35Mmm!
28:36Jerry!
28:37Oh!
28:38Yeah.
28:43Hey, babe.
28:44My boobs are about to explode.
28:45Oh, right.
28:46Are they fake?
28:47No, you're bellend.
28:48They're full of milk.
28:49Oh, my God!
28:50Why?
28:51She's just had her baby and she's missed a feed.
28:53How do I make it stop?
28:54You need to get the milk out.
28:55Shall I get a pen lid and a knife?
28:57Why?
28:58Like when people's throats swell up, stab the pen lid in and release the pressure.
29:02You want to perform a tracheotomy on her tears?
29:04Well, I don't know.
29:05How do men know so little about the female body?
29:07Come on, babe.
29:08APPLAUSE
29:09Wow.
29:10Very apt!
29:11I know.
29:12She didn't get this book.
29:13Yeah.
29:14Yeah.
29:15So, Keira's mother would love that, too.
29:16Yeah, she would love it.
29:17Yeah.
29:18It's like she wrote it.
29:19I mean, it is.
29:20It's in the stars.
29:21It's in the stars.
29:22It's in the stars.
29:23It's in the stars.
29:24It's in the stars.
29:25It's in the stars.
29:26It's in the stars.
29:27It's in the stars.
29:28And, Keira Knightley, you have a personal connection with daddy issues.
29:31My husband does the music.
29:32He does!
29:33Yeah.
29:34So, I've actually seen it all and it's really good.
29:37Oh, good.
29:38Because I haven't seen him.
29:39No, I live with your face in my house because he works from the house, so I've literally,
29:42I've seen it all.
29:43It's great.
29:44Wow.
29:45And the music's really good.
29:46The music's really good.
29:47The music's really good.
29:48Yeah.
29:49Do you choose not to watch it, Amy?
29:50No, I've seen the first one.
29:51Oh, yeah.
29:52But I haven't, sorry, I don't know why I screamed.
29:56I've seen the first one.
29:57Yeah.
29:58But I haven't seen the second yet.
29:59OK.
30:00Not out of choice.
30:01I've just not been sent it.
30:02Oh.
30:03So, Keira, you can film it.
30:04I have seen the second.
30:05It's great.
30:06I've seen it.
30:07It's been sent it to me.
30:08Why can't I see it?
30:10I really feel like you should be able to see it.
30:12Yes.
30:13I'll ask for it.
30:14Yeah.
30:15And, er...
30:16Lala, should we go and have a drink?
30:18And, Amy, here you are, back on the BBC, and you're probably very sick about talking
30:26about the White Lotus.
30:27But that show, the White Lotus...
30:28What?
30:29Which show?
30:30We did a lot of it.
30:31But, like, the attention that that show brought you, has it kind of changed your life?
30:35Yes.
30:36Yeah.
30:37Yes.
30:38Because, like, there's movies happening now and all sorts, yeah.
30:40Yeah.
30:41It's very intense.
30:42It's very intense.
30:43It is...
30:44People kept saying, your life's going to change, your life's going to change.
30:46And I was kind of going, but I don't want it to.
30:49I just want to play this part.
30:50But then...
30:51And I kind of thought everyone was being dramatic, and then I realised they weren't being dramatic.
30:56It's a big, you know...
30:58I was going to go and get coffee on my street that no one knows where I live, and then all of a sudden I'm being filmed.
31:03It was just that stuff.
31:04So, are you getting the Kira thing of people...
31:06Yeah, and I've just thought, that's what I need to do.
31:08I just need to stand still.
31:09You won't get your coffee, which is annoying.
31:12No.
31:13But I...
31:14Yeah.
31:15But they could just replace the coffee in my hand.
31:16Oh, there you go, yeah.
31:17Yeah.
31:18Yeah.
31:19But here's the thing.
31:20There were lots of fan theories about, you know, because we knew something bad was going to happen.
31:23Yes.
31:24And there were lots of fan theories about what might have happened.
31:26Yeah.
31:27Somebody worked it out.
31:28I did.
31:29You did.
31:30There was a thing where I always guess what's going to happen in a TV show.
31:33And it causes big problems between me and my husband.
31:35Of course.
31:36Because quite often I'm right.
31:37And then I ruin the whole thing for him.
31:39So now I have to write it down on a piece of paper and hide it somewhere.
31:42Woo!
31:43So when I think about it, I write it down and then it's hidden in a book.
31:45And then at the end of it, if I'm right, if I'm wrong, I just forget about it.
31:49But if I'm right, I go, look, I've got it.
31:51And I was right.
31:52I killed you off before you got killed off.
31:54I was like, she's gone.
31:55She's too nice.
31:56She's gone.
31:57Well done.
31:58Yeah.
31:59Well done.
32:00Didn't you guess who did the shooting?
32:02No, I didn't guess who did the shooting, but I guessed the dad thing.
32:05I guessed that he was the dad of the other guy.
32:08Wow.
32:09And I guessed that early on too.
32:10I was like, please.
32:11Because I know Malala, you watched White Lotus as well, didn't you?
32:12Yes, but I didn't guess anything.
32:14It was all a terrible surprise.
32:15It was all a terrible surprise.
32:16It was all a terrible surprise.
32:17It was all a terrible surprise.
32:18It's fine.
32:19And Amy, you also had an impact on Malala because one of your first jobs, I think you binge-watched.
32:26I know.
32:27Sex Education.
32:28And I, yeah.
32:29And I watched it.
32:31That's so cool.
32:32So cool.
32:33Yeah.
32:34But I...
32:35It sounds different when you say it, Malala.
32:37I know.
32:38Because I truly watched it as an educational show.
32:41I actually learnt a lot.
32:42Like, honestly.
32:43I'm glad to have been of service.
32:44Yeah.
32:45Yeah.
32:46That's so cool.
32:47Was that your first ever screen job?
32:50It was, yes.
32:51Yes.
32:52Which was quite daunting, I imagine, because to be straight out of drama school and...
32:56Yeah.
32:57Yeah, it was very daunting and we all kept being like, it's just going to go under the radar.
33:00It's just one and we're just happy with that.
33:02It's going to be under the radar and then it wasn't under the radar.
33:04No.
33:05But the good thing, you won a BAFTA for it.
33:06Yes.
33:07There you go.
33:08Yeah.
33:09Yeah.
33:12Um...
33:13And probably, you know, filming these things, it did look fabulous.
33:15You know, you were staying in a fabulous hotel.
33:17You just did the women in Cabin 10.
33:20Cabin 10.
33:21How expensive was that superyacht you were filming on?
33:22It was something like 160 million for the superyacht.
33:25Wow.
33:26If you've got that in spare change, you can buy that superyacht.
33:28Wow.
33:29And was it fabulous?
33:30No, I was really excited because I was like, oh, I never get to, you know, film anywhere glamorous.
33:33And now it's a superyacht and there'll be champagne, it'll be gorgeous.
33:36And instead, it was like, we were crammed together.
33:38We weren't allowed to touch anything.
33:39You weren't allowed to sit on anything because it was too expensive.
33:41You weren't allowed to walk on the carpets because they were too expensive.
33:44So we were all sort of like that.
33:45We weren't allowed to drink anything.
33:47It was, um, and there was a woman whose job it was to fluff up the carpets.
33:52So she was a carpet fluffer, one might say.
33:54Wow.
33:55And if you put your toe on it, then you got hit on the back of your leg to get off the carpet.
33:59I had such hatred over this piece of carpet, it was quite extraordinary.
34:04But, um, it was always fluffed.
34:06Wow.
34:07That's her job.
34:08I mean, I think she was chairs as well.
34:10So the chairs...
34:11But it appeared a lot of carpet fluffing.
34:14We all know what a fluffer is traditionally.
34:17If you get hired as a fluffer and then you realise you've only got to do the carpet,
34:21you've been made up.
34:22We're not explaining, Malala.
34:27Do you know what a fluffer is?
34:30No, just leave it.
34:31What a fluffer?
34:32Oh, OK.
34:34Remember the star sign said it was going to go well?
34:36Yeah, yeah, yeah.
34:37Leave it.
34:38OK.
34:39It's gone.
34:40I think the Gemini's being too chatty.
34:42Yeah.
34:43Exactly.
34:44I thought this was happening.
34:46Just a quick reminder, AV's latest show, Daddy Issues, kicks off on the BBC next month.
34:52OK.
34:53We turn to Chris McCausland.
35:00His autobiography is called Keep Laughing.
35:03It is also out now.
35:04And I'm struck with, you know, you are a young man, Chris.
35:07So a life story, a memoir, why did you decide to do it now?
35:11I mean, Penguin asked me if I wanted to do it towards the end of last year.
35:15And then they, a stroke of genius on there, they put it on sale on a pre-order before I'd started writing the ending of it.
35:22And there is, I mean, I'm a procrastinator at the best of times.
35:27There is nothing like a book being on sale that doesn't exist to make you write a book.
35:30LAUGHTER
35:34That would motivate you.
35:35Oh, do you know, I'm 48 and, like, you can write a book at any...
35:38It depends what it's about, doesn't it?
35:40But, you know, there's kind of three parts to it, really, I suppose.
35:44And, you know, losing me sight for 25 years, becoming a comedian and getting to do telly.
35:51And then, obviously, Strictly, really, which felt like a really kind of positive, good end for that kind of part of the story.
35:59And I heard you talking, and you thought that writing that first 25 years was going to be the difficult bit, describing your sight getting worse.
36:08Yeah, well, I mean, talking about, like, being a kid and losing me sight and stuff, and I was like, well, who doesn't want to read this?
36:14This is... And also, I'm a bloke from Liverpool who grew up in Liverpool in the 80s.
36:18I'm quite close... I dig a hole, I bury things in, and I put a front on for people to see, you know.
36:23And once you've kind of cried on the telly in front of 10 million people, you feel a lot more open about things.
36:30LAUGHTER
36:31And so I thought that would be the hardest bit to write, cos I know what I'm like, and...
36:36But it actually ended up being, like, the most...
36:38..what I thought was the most kind of interesting and original part.
36:42And then when you get to the stuff about being a comedian,
36:45which I thought would be the stuff that was easiest, because...
36:48..it's what I do and it's what I love.
36:50And you can be really funny about being a comedian and stuff.
36:53You kind of get to that bit and you go, this is the bit every comedian's got in their book.
36:56So this is actually... It's harder to make this bit from an original perspective,
37:01if you know what I mean, compared to the whole first bit,
37:04which is really just, you know, my own story that no-one else has, really.
37:08Well, as you say, the book has a fabulous conclusion with your triumph on Strictly.
37:12And Strictly, that is something you are justifiably really proud of, aren't you?
37:17Yeah, I mean, it's mad, you know, cos, like, it wasn't on my radar
37:21and I knew nothing about it and it was...
37:23..but it's the most proud of anything I've ever been, you know,
37:26and it's everything I've ever done in comedy,
37:29apart from that very first gig, which was a dare to give it a go,
37:32but everything else has been incremental.
37:34It's always... You know, last time I was on, Graham,
37:37I was talking about making a Christmas film with Lee.
37:40I'd never done a... With Lee Mack, I'd never done a film before,
37:42but it's still within my wheelhouse.
37:44It's expanding your comedy chops, you know? Yeah.
37:47And doing something that's very much within what your job
37:50and your skill set is, whereas this was so far out of my comfort zone.
37:54It was such an unknown.
37:56And it was so intensive and consuming and terrifying,
38:00the most terrifying thing I've ever done in my life.
38:03And for us to kind of maintain it for four months
38:06and for it to connect with people the way that it did, it's...
38:09Honestly, I couldn't be prouder of it, you know, so, yeah.
38:12It feels like a good work there. It should be, absolutely.
38:15APPLAUSE
38:17And very quickly, cos there's a story you tell,
38:21you used to do material about your daughter.
38:24How old were you when this happened? Was she two or something?
38:26So the first kind of break I had on mainstream telly
38:29was live at the Apollo and I had this bit of material
38:31about my daughter being a baby and her doing a poo in the bath.
38:35And she kind of noticed it floating past her.
38:39And she handed it to me and asked me what it...
38:42She said, what's that, Daddy?
38:44And I had to sniff it to find out.
38:46Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
38:48And the joke was kind of, I kind of...
38:51I told the story, but I kind of put myself into her head
38:54as if she knew what she was doing.
38:56Like, you know, just saying to her little toy penguin,
38:58watch this, Mr Penguin, I'm going to ask him
39:00with its ice cream or whatever.
39:02I did this bit of material.
39:04It's the only bit of my stand-up my daughter saw, like,
39:06for years of mine when she was older.
39:08And she thought that's all I did for a living.
39:10She just thought I went out and I told rooms full of people
39:12that she shit in the bath.
39:14LAUGHTER
39:16And then when she kind of...
39:18She learnt that, like, obviously I went out
39:20and that's how I earned money and I paid for, like, you know,
39:23food and everything.
39:24And all because I went out and I told this story.
39:27And she was like, God, thank God I did that shit in the bath
39:29and we'd have nothing...
39:31LAUGHTER
39:33She said to me, and she must have been about ten at this point,
39:36and she said to me, I said I was going out to do a gig in London,
39:40and she said, can I come, Daddy?
39:42I said, no. She said, when can I come?
39:43I said, when you're 18, yeah?
39:44And she said, and you can be on stage
39:46and you can tell everybody that I did a poo in the bath
39:49and then at the end I can come on and go,
39:51hey, everybody, it was me!
39:53LAUGHTER
39:55LAUGHTER
39:57LAUGHTER
39:58You're not going to feel like that when you're 18.
40:00LAUGHTER
40:02Very good.
40:03APPLAUSE
40:05OK, it's time for music.
40:07This Grammy-winning British band has had three number-one albums
40:10and headlined Glastonbury
40:12and are joined tonight by an Irish superstar,
40:14collaborating for the first time on their new single,
40:16Rubber Band Man.
40:18It is Mumford & Sons with Hosier!
40:20APPLAUSE
40:22When you can't win for losing
40:39And the beggars start choosing the chaos in your head
40:44Calls or cracks to start showing
40:48All-knowing, all-glowing with the light of the...
40:53Dying to raise the dead
41:00Oh...
41:02You're a world away
41:04But you're still the same
41:06I know you by your heart
41:08And I will call you by your name
41:11And it's a long way
41:13From a crack to the break
41:17You know that I remember everything
41:30Steady yourself
41:32In your tumbleweed words
41:34Be a street corner preacher
41:36Or just feed the birds
41:39But don't hold to yourself
41:41With hard mortar and stone
41:43Be a rubber-bound man
41:45Bake the water your bones
41:48Dying just to live now
41:57You're a world away
41:59But you're still the same
42:02I know you by your heart
42:04And I will call you by your name
42:06And it's a long way
42:08From a crack to the break
42:12You know that I remember everything
42:15And I said forever
42:17You should get back in the car
42:20Nothing hurts forever, babe
42:22You know it breaks my heart
42:25And I'll call you anything
42:28And I'll call you anything
42:30That you might
42:35And I am free
42:41And I'm able
42:44To call you the second
42:48And I'll call you anything
42:49That you would die
42:51And I'll call you anything
42:53That you would die
42:54Just to live
42:55Just to live
42:58Now
43:00You're a world away
43:02But you're still the same
43:05I know you by your heart
43:07And I will call you by your name
43:09And it's a long way
43:11From the crack to the break
43:13From the crack to the break
43:15You know that I remember everything
43:18And I said forever
43:20You should get back in the car
43:23Nothing hurts forever, babe
43:25You know it breaks my heart
43:27And you're a world away
43:29But you're still the same
43:32And you're still the same
43:34You know that I remember everything
43:42A new ink on your skin
43:44Red lips in the dark
43:47Nothing hurts forever, babe
43:49You know it breaks my heart
43:51Put a shiver on your skin
43:53Do your hair in the car
43:56If nothing hurts forever, babe
43:58Then can we make a start?
44:02Oh!
44:04Flauga!
44:05Not gonna die with Hosier
44:08Beautiful job
44:10I think Marcus and Hosier
44:12Are coming over to see us
44:14Come on over here, though
44:18Hi, Marcus
44:19It's really nice to see you again
44:21That's Christopher Crosley
44:24I know Hosier
44:26Amy LeBour
44:28Mamala Tira
44:29That's Marcus and Hosier
44:32There you go
44:34Have a seat, too
44:36Have a seat, too
44:37There you go
44:38Lovely
44:39Thank you so much for that performance
44:41What a gorgeous, gorgeous thing
44:43And star signs?
44:45Star signs
44:47Star signs
44:48And Pisces
44:49Oh, yes
44:50Yes, I thought so
44:51But really, my boyfriend thought you were a Pisces
44:54OK
44:55Yeah
44:56What does that mean?
44:57He's gonna sing a song
45:00Oh, yeah, they are the dreamers
45:01Yeah
45:02Oh, okay
45:03They're the dreamers
45:04Marcus, what are you?
45:05Aquarius
45:06Same
45:07What does that mean?
45:08Weird
45:09Cool
45:10It's really worked out so far
45:12Yeah
45:13Now, I have to say
45:14That rubber band man is off this just announced album
45:18Prizefighter
45:19I haven't seen that yet
45:20That looks wicked
45:21There you go
45:22That's how new it is
45:23So, how did it happen?
45:25How did the two of you get together, the band and you get together?
45:28Yeah
45:29It was our first collaboration on record
45:30We've known each other for a long time
45:32We've collaborated live a number of times
45:34Oh
45:35Friends for a long time
45:36And then we sent Andrew a bunch of demos
45:39For this new record we were working on
45:42Yeah
45:43And you listened and
45:44Yeah
45:45Gave some notes
45:46I sent the entire album in fact
45:48Which was like
45:49I think that's so rare when you do a collab like this
45:51And to be given the whole body of work
45:54And I think you just said just listen through
45:56And if there's something that connects
45:57That you connect with as well
45:58If there's a song that you love
45:59And so it was a real treat
46:00I got to listen through
46:01And why this song?
46:02I just love the
46:04I think the lyrics are stunning
46:05I didn't even know where the
46:07Oh yeah
46:08So this is
46:09There's a weird story behind the lyrics of this song
46:11Tell us
46:12It's very Aquarius actually
46:13Oh yeah
46:14I think I get that
46:16I guess
46:17Brandi Carlile
46:18Who's a mutual friend of ours
46:19Love Brandi Carlile
46:20Who we love
46:21I think she had a dream about me
46:24In a non-weird way
46:26And um
46:28And wrote me a text message with a bunch of lyrics
46:31Which became the verse for Rubber Bandman
46:33She's like
46:34She's like a sister to many of us
46:36Yeah
46:37And sort of like a soothsayer as well
46:39And she had these words that she felt were for me
46:42And it was the verse lyrics for Rubber Bandman
46:44So it turned it into a song
46:45Wow
46:46Yeah
46:47And a very nice time for a host here
46:48Because you've just finished a very long tour
46:51Yes
46:52Yeah I've been out of a suitcase
46:53Just about three years
46:54Maybe just over three years
46:55Yeah
46:56So
46:57So I'm winding down
46:58And the guys are getting ready for a hurricane
47:00It's very sweet of him to be up for this
47:02Yeah but no it's a nice
47:03It's like
47:04It's supposed to be on your holidays
47:05Delighted
47:06It's just a nice little thing to do
47:07And as you say
47:08Mark you're touring this year
47:09And it goes right into next year
47:10Yeah
47:11It's no three year tour though is it?
47:12Well
47:13Well
47:14Not yet
47:15Yeah
47:16Oh yeah you're getting there
47:17Listen
47:18We've loved having you on the show
47:19Thank you so much for that performance
47:21And good luck with the collaboration
47:23And the new album
47:24Very good
47:27Right
47:28That is nearly it
47:30Before we go
47:31It's just time for a quick visit to the big red chair
47:34Who do we have?
47:35Hello
47:36Hello
47:37Hi what's your name?
47:38I'm Jennifer
47:39Jennifer lovely
47:40Where are you from Jennifer?
47:41Central New York State
47:42Okay
47:43Central New York State
47:44Very specific
47:45I like it
47:46And do you live there still or live here?
47:48No
47:49No I live there
47:50Oh right
47:51So you're just on holiday
47:52Yep
47:53Yeah we just arrived this morning
47:54Oh my goodness
47:55Wow
47:56How long are you staying for?
47:57A week
47:58Okay
47:59Touring around or just in London
48:00No we're going to tour around a little bit
48:01Okay
48:02Now where are you heading?
48:03From here we're going to head up to the Cotswolds for a few days
48:05What a lovely idea
48:06No
48:07Off you go with your story
48:12Okay
48:13So I'm a veterinarian
48:15And one day this guy brings his dog in to see me
48:18Because he's been vomiting
48:19The dog's been vomiting
48:20And I do some diagnostics
48:21And I ascertain that this dog has something stuck in his small intestine and needs surgery
48:26So I take the dog to surgery
48:28Remove what it is that's blocking him
48:30And the next day I'm getting the dog ready to go home
48:33The wife comes in to pick him up
48:35And I give the dog the owner what I took out of the dog's intestines
48:40Which was a pair of women's panties
48:42And they're not minivan panties
48:45They are Lamborghini panties
48:47And so I give her these panties in the plastic bag
48:51And I said this is what you paid for essentially
48:54And she looked at them and she said these aren't my underwear
48:57Oh
48:59Great story
49:01There you go you can walk
49:03I'm not even done I can walk
49:05Oh is there more to it?
49:06Oh there's more
49:07Oh let's go with the more yes
49:09So I it's me the dog and this homicidal woman
49:12And I look at the dog and I'm thinking
49:14Buddy I don't know who's gonna get you in the divorce
49:18But you ain't no man's best friend right now
49:22You can walk you walk go go go walk
49:24Very good
49:25Lovely
49:26And that's really all we've got time for
49:31You don't have to go on the red show yourself
49:32And tell your story
49:33You can contact us via our website
49:34If this is very addressed
49:35And please say thank you to all of our guests
49:37Mumford and Hunter Hosier
49:40Chris McCausland
49:43Amy Le Wood
49:47Mulala Yousafzai
49:50And Keira Knightley
49:52Join me next week with pop superstar Ed Sheeran
49:57Comedian Jack Whitehall
49:58Salt burn star Rosamund Pike
50:00And Hollywood leading man Glenn Powell
50:02I'll see you then
50:03Good night everybody
50:04Bye
50:10Ghost hunting in some of the nation's spookiest places
50:13Daisy May and Charlie Cooper's night watch
50:15Spirits and giggles with the siblings about
50:17Press red now
50:18X RuPaul's Drag Race UK
50:19You can
50:26Break the scene
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