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Short filmTranscript
00:00Ferocious fights, stingy castles, daring knights
00:02Horrors that did by description, cutthroat cults or cruel egyptians
00:05Vicious vikings, cruel crimes, punished reformation times
00:07Roman rotten rank and rootless, cavemen, savage beers and tubeless
00:10Groovy Greeks, brainy sages, mean and misly middle-aged
00:13Gory stories, we do that
00:15And your host are Talking Rats
00:18The past is no longer a mystery
00:21Welcome to Horrible Histories
00:25Horrible Histories presents
00:29Barbie Battles Special
00:31Is the coast clear?
00:37Oh, that looked nasty
00:39My brothers and sisters and I are in the middle of an epic battle
00:42One of our classic ratty pillow fights
00:45Incoming!
00:48It all started when my sisters invaded my brother's bedroom
00:52That's how real wars sometimes start too
00:54One nation invades another country and tries to take it over
00:58Of course, some of history's invasions went better than others
01:01It started with the Spanish Armada
01:08That huge amount of ships that we sent against the English
01:11I think we made them mad
01:13It did
01:14It made them so mad
01:16It led to
01:17The lesser known Armada
01:19Try and invade us, will you, Spain?
01:22Right now, it's payment time
01:25Sir Francis Drake
01:27Your march
01:28Unleash
01:29The English Armada
01:32You had me at Unleash the Eighth
01:36The English Armada
01:40Led by Francis Drake
01:42Aboard his ship, Revenge
01:44180 ships
01:46Tens of thousands of soldiers
01:48We shall destroy the Spanish fleet
01:50Attack!
01:51No fleet could match them
01:54Wait!
01:54Instead of their fleet of ships
01:58Let's attack the Spanish city of Coruña
02:01But attacking a well-defended city instead of a fleet
02:05Might not go as well
02:07I wonder if they've conquered Spain yet
02:08Hmm
02:09Okay
02:11Might take a bit longer than I thought
02:13Longer?
02:15The winds are blowing in the wrong direction
02:17The men are dying of salvation and sickness
02:19What are you complaining about?
02:20We've still got 5,000 men
02:22Yes, but we started out with tens of thousands of men
02:24That's not ideal
02:26The English Armada
02:28The one you've maybe not heard of
02:31And coming soon
02:33You know, the English Armada
02:35We sent against the Spanish
02:36Because of the Spanish Armada they sent against us
02:38Well, I think they may be planning revenge
02:40Not?
02:42Yes
02:42Another Spanish Armada
02:45The Spanish Armada 2
02:47Armada Harder
02:50I'm beginning to think Armadas might be overrated
02:53Yes
02:54Me and my brothers are losing the battle
02:57So we've turned our bedrooms into a fort
02:59We've built barriers at every entrance
03:01So our sisters can't attack us
03:03We are totally safe
03:06Battles are hard
03:09And it's not just the landscapes that are a problem
03:12Take it down, you lot
03:14Sorry, Mum
03:15Sometimes the people are the problem
03:17William the Conqueror found that out
03:19After he killed King Harold at the Battle of Hastings
03:22He came up against a particularly tricky opponent
03:26Harold's Mum
03:28Hello
03:33I am King William of England
03:37I know you're in there
03:40We're not scared of you, William
03:43Guys, seriously
03:44I am not okay about this rebellion
03:47I just conquered you
03:49I'm so peeved
03:50I literally just poked this guy's eyes out
03:53There was a whole battle near Hastings, remember?
03:56My rival King Harold and all his brothers were killed or captured
04:01I mean, there is literally no one else from the royal family left to lead you
04:08Move it, sunshine
04:11Cooey!
04:15Oh, for crying out loud, look who it is
04:18Yeah, what if you hadn't poked my eyes out?
04:20Oh, sorry, yeah
04:21It's the old King Harold's mum, Geetha
04:23Oh, yeah
04:24You forgot about mummy, didn't you?
04:30Look, it would be better for everybody if we ended all this rivalry and you just surrendered
04:37So, what do you say?
04:42Why's it all gone quiet?
04:43Hang on, something's happening
04:44Oh, I think he's getting his bum out
04:47Oh, yeah
04:48But why?
04:50Don't worry about it, Your Majesty
04:51Everyone does it when they get nervous
04:53That wasn't me, it was them
04:55Oh, sure it was
04:56That's our answer
05:00The sound of a movie's rage
05:06And by the smell of it
05:10Cabbage
05:13Oh, God, that is strong
05:16Maybe you should go and change your chainmail
05:19It wasn't me
05:20Do you want me to poke something else out?
05:22Yeah, can you start with my nose?
05:24Hit him again
05:26I know you have them surrounded, but maybe it's time we were treated
05:30Yeah, it stinks
05:32That's right
05:34Fear our power
05:37And smell it too
05:40Oh, I could smell that one from France
05:44We'll be back
05:44Right, that's enough
05:47It's been 90 years since Caesar failed to conquer Britain
05:55Rome, as a new emperor
05:57Determined to finish the job
05:59It's gonna take one tough toga wearer
06:01To risk everything in this hellhole
06:03I'm Emperor Claudius
06:05And this is extreme survival
06:08Step one, defense
06:10You're on an island filled with bloodthirsty warriors and druids
06:15Staying alive through the night is going to be a challenge
06:18You're going to need protection
06:19And you're going to need it fast
06:21Look around you
06:22What do you see?
06:24Nothing but trees and dirt
06:25But trees and dirt
06:27With training and basic tools can become a fortress
06:30A fortress can keep you alive
06:32When everybody around you wants you dead
06:35But what I like to do is
06:37Stay 900 miles away in a row
06:40And let my general Paulinus and the army
06:42Do the hard work
06:44When you're faced with that
06:46Being somewhere completely different
06:48Is a very effective way of staying alive
06:51Step two, stop rebellions
06:54You've finally arrived in Great Britain
06:56Because the war has already been won
06:57But now you have to win at a peace
06:59And these locals will rebel
07:01At the drop of a helmet
07:02You need to be prepared
07:03And that means using what's around you
07:05Look around you what you see
07:06A stone can be used as a missile
07:09And wood is good for keeping the fire going at night
07:13Staying well lit and armed
07:15Is vitally important in a hostile situation
07:17But what I like to do is
07:19Bring an elephant
07:20It's unlikely the locals will have seen an elephant
07:24What's that they'll say?
07:26And I'll say
07:27That's an elephant
07:28And they'll say
07:29Cool, I've never seen one of those
07:30Let's not rebel
07:31Probably
07:32Who cares?
07:33I've got an elephant
07:34I love it when they do that
07:36Extreme elephant
07:38Step three
07:40Conquer more of the island
07:41So you're safer from attack
07:43You've secured the southeast
07:45But it's going to take years
07:47To spread your rule
07:48Across this new and dangerous island
07:49You've got decades of hard work
07:52And danger ahead of you
07:53But what I like to do is
07:55Go home
07:56After sixteen days
07:57Let the army do the rest
07:59Going home to Rome
08:00Seriously reduces your chances
08:02Of being killed abroad
08:03And that's
08:04Extreme survival
08:06Let's bounce
08:08I forgot my elephant
08:14Now, Jeff
08:18In precisely one minute's time
08:20We're going to march
08:21As British soldiers
08:22Fighting for the East India Company
08:24Into battle
08:25At Syringapatta
08:26How do you like that?
08:27Any chance we can do it tomorrow, Colonel?
08:29Of course
08:29No, we cannot do it tomorrow
08:31We're doing it today
08:32Can we have this conversation in the shade, sir?
08:35I think my hat has caught my head
08:36No, we cannot talk in the shade
08:38A British soldier stands where he must
08:41Be that under fire
08:42In the ice
08:43Or in the sun
08:45Is that understood?
08:49He must be very strong
08:50I think their leader
08:51Just killed a man with his finger
08:52Why are the British
08:55Wearing such ridiculously hot
08:57And thick uniforms?
08:58You're to march into someone else's country
08:59Killing anyone who resists
09:01Least you could do
09:02Is dress appropriately
09:03We're struggling with the sun, sir
09:05I mean, we all are
09:06We're not used to it
09:06All the fevers
09:07All the water
09:08All the food
09:09Sorry, I've got a dysentery, sir
09:12That was a close one
09:15I don't care
09:16If it's a bit hot
09:18I don't care
09:19If you've got a runny bottom
09:21I don't care
09:23If anyone's got a little bit
09:25Of fever
09:26Lemons
09:27Badgers
09:27Soup fairies
09:29Badgers fever
09:29He's seeing things
09:30Ha ha ha ha ha
09:32Wow
09:32Promise I'm trying to keep him in
09:34Can you hear gunfire?
09:36I think some of them soldiers
09:38Are dropping bottom bombs
09:39They can't handle food with flavour
09:41It goes straight through them
09:42It is a mystery
09:43Why they keep stealing food from us
09:45When they finally leave
09:47It is going to take an age
09:48To clean up after them
09:49And to rebuild all the cities
09:50They burned
09:51You lot are a disgrace
09:53Now, you need to be ready to march
09:55March
09:55I am standing dead still
09:58And thanks to my bum
09:58But if I march
10:00There's going to be carnage
10:02Perhaps you'd like to be excused
10:04From battle today
10:05Thank you
10:05Thank you
10:05You shower of toilets
10:09The British Empire
10:11Covers one sixth of the world's land
10:13The British soldiers
10:14Are feared around the globe
10:15Do you really think
10:16A bit of heat
10:17Gut churning
10:18Is going to stop us?
10:20Oh
10:20That might slow us down
10:23Actually
10:23Get any new uniform
10:26I just can't believe
10:29We're losing this war
10:30To these guys
10:30They'll go eventually
10:32They'll have to
10:33They'll run out of underwear
10:34We all know the first rule
10:39Of pillow fights
10:40Pillows only
10:41But if we're going to
10:42Defeat my sisters
10:43I'm going to have to get
10:44A bit more creative
10:45So I've emptied the feathers
10:47Out of this one
10:48And put my mate
10:49Freddie the frog inside
10:50Ratilda's scared of frogs
10:52Unfortunately
10:56Freddie's scared of Ratilda too
10:58Come on
10:59She's not that scary
11:00I guess new weapons for battle
11:02Are bound to have teething problems
11:04Just ask this lot
11:06Sire
11:09I think you'll be impressed
11:11I've invented a new weapon
11:13That will revolutionize hunting
11:14Oh exciting
11:15I started with a small
11:17Sharpened piece of bone
11:18But that is tiny
11:19You'll never catch a line
11:20With this
11:21Look
11:21Did that hurt?
11:24Well a little bit
11:25No it didn't
11:26Okay
11:26But I hadn't finished
11:27You see next
11:28I glued it to the end
11:29Of a piece of wood
11:30Ah you're wasting your time
11:32Look
11:32This is the smallest spear
11:33I've ever seen
11:34Who'll never catch a vicious piece
11:36With this child's toy
11:37Look
11:37Did that hurt?
11:39It hurt quite a lot
11:40Actually
11:40No again
11:41What if I said
11:42I could hurl this tiny spear
11:44A vast distance
11:45And hit a target
11:46Using this
11:47Interesting
11:48Let's me have a go
11:49Ah useless
11:55This will never catch a leopard
11:57I wouldn't be so sure
11:58Watch me side
11:59I would have hit the target
12:13If he didn't get in the way
12:14Let me have another go
12:15I think I'll stand over here
12:17Fire
12:21It's broken
12:25Try again
12:27But round the other way
12:28The other way
12:29Yes
12:30Run away
12:31Run away
12:31Run away
12:31This way
12:32Alright
12:32Run away
12:32Where is it?
12:37Ah
12:37It's here
12:38I mean the ball round
12:40The other way
12:41Yes
12:41Yes
12:42Oh no no no no no
12:43I'm getting out of here
12:44Look it's bound to take a bit of getting used to it
12:51A bit
12:52I'm pretty sure I'm getting the hang of this now
12:54Please please please please please please
12:57You did it
12:58You did it
12:59Amazing
13:03You have invented a tool that can fire small spears
13:06I call it a bow and arrow
13:09The bow and arrow
13:11Actually the other way
13:12Actually the other way but it doesn't matter
13:14Yeah
13:15Ahhh
13:15Loo Man
13:17Loo Man
13:18The living toilet poo ran
13:19From the Middle Ages
13:21With a bucket so that you can
13:23Have a poop in a private place
13:25Sitting on my bucket with a cape to hide your face
13:29And bum
13:30And brand your design
13:32I won't try suspending if you did until I want
13:34Lou Man!
13:39Nein, nein, nein!
13:42Greetings, friend.
13:44Who are you and what are you doing on my U-boat?
13:46I am Lou Man, the living lavatory.
13:49And you look like a man who needs the little U-boat's captain's room.
13:54Yes, I do.
13:55Well then, I would like to apply for the jobby.
13:58We have a toilet. I'm meeting the engineers at all.
14:02Are you an engineer?
14:03Yeah, the flashing sub-boat's toilet is very complex
14:05and only a specially trained person can do it.
14:08I'm intrigued.
14:10It is ready for you, captain.
14:12Oh, thank goodness.
14:16Torpedoes ahead!
14:18Oh, there we go.
14:20Tell me, mind fine, do you call them the captain's logs?
14:24Oh, this is the best!
14:26Sorry, Lou Man, a pleasure to meet a fellow Pooh-fessional.
14:29Feel better.
14:31Oh, yes.
14:33I'd give it funf if I were you.
14:36Yes, captain.
14:37You may flush when ready, engineer.
14:41Right.
14:42Great.
14:43Hello.
14:44Goodness, yeah, my setup's a lot simpler than yours if you want me to take you through it.
14:48Nein, danke.
14:49Please do not disturb me.
14:50I must turn these levers and valves in exactly the right order, otherwise this seawater will
14:57flood into the vessel.
14:59Okay, yeah, cool.
15:00I'm out of interest.
15:01I'm out of interest.
15:02How many buckets worth of bum blackness is this baby stored?
15:07Well, actually, this seawater does not store its poop.
15:10Instead, we fire turd beedos into the ocean with compressed air.
15:14Oh, love it.
15:15Hello.
15:16What's happened?
15:17Has he done a floater?
15:18Oh, no.
15:19I've implemented a long sequence.
15:20The toilet is filling up with sea warts and the captain's logs.
15:21Oh, you do call them the captain's logs in.
15:22Captain, the toilet switch has leaked into the ship's batteries and the sap is filling
15:27with poisonous gas.
15:28We must surface an abandoned ship.
15:29Abandon ship?
15:30Code brown!
15:31Abandon ship!
15:32Abandon ship!
15:33Abandon ship!
15:34Abandon ship!
15:35Abandon ship!
15:36Well, Dr. Skinner, we're hoping you've come up with something that will help us to defeat
15:51the Nazis.
15:52Gentlemen, I believe I have.
15:54A massive advance in missile accuracy.
15:58Piloted missiles.
15:59Piloted?
16:00But who would be stupid enough to pilot a missile that was going to explode?
16:06Gentlemen, meet your new pilot.
16:15You want a pigeon to fly the bomb?
16:18Of course not.
16:20I want three pigeons to fly the bomb.
16:23Gentlemen.
16:24Each pigeon, harnessed inside the missile, has been trained to peck at the target when
16:29they see it.
16:30This pecking transmits a signal via the bird's beak, which controls the bomb's tail fins and
16:36directs it towards the target.
16:38Oh, nein!
16:39You've destroyed my Nazi battleship!
16:42Who'd have suspected a pigeon?
16:44Oh, somebody give Skinner a promotion!
16:47Are we being pranked?
16:48Do you want us to entrust the war to birds?
16:51These are no ordinary birds, sir.
16:54My pigeons are graduates of the Skinner School of Aviation.
16:57You created a flying school for pigeons.
17:00Well, they're not going to train themselves, are they?
17:02Who is this guy?
17:03Let me show you something.
17:05What are you doing?
17:06A demonstration, sir.
17:07Each pigeon has been trained to ignore the distractions of war.
17:08Huh?
17:09Ah!
17:10My eyes!
17:11My eyes!
17:12See?
17:13It didn't even flinch!
17:14Thank you, Dr. Skinner.
17:15We have heard enough.
17:16I'm sorry to disappoint you, but it's a terrible idea.
17:17I'm sure implementing your pigeon plan would have been a real coup.
17:19And I don't want you to get in a flap, but it's time for you and your pigeons to take
17:21off.
17:22Hey, where'd that pigeon go?
17:23I told you they were trained to hit enemy targets.
17:24Oh, being in a battle is exhausting.
17:26I'm sorry to disappoint you, but it's a terrible idea.
17:27I'm sure implementing your pigeon plan would have been a real coup.
17:31And I don't want you to get in a flap, but it's time for you and your pigeons to take
17:38off.
17:39Hey, where'd that pigeon go?
17:42I told you they were trained to hit enemy targets.
17:47Oh, being in a battle is exhausting.
17:52Thankfully, Mummus has brought me a cheese sandwich to keep me going.
17:55And I think she might be supplying the enemy to you.
17:58Girls, sandwiches are ready!
18:00Pick a side, Mummus!
18:02I shouldn't be surprised, though.
18:04Mums have been helping their children in battle throughout history.
18:07Although, I'm glad my mum isn't a Spartan one.
18:11Spartan soldiers are some of the toughest in the world.
18:15The only thing tougher than them...
18:17Come on, you maggots!
18:19...are their mums.
18:21Get up!
18:22Sit up!
18:23This is Spartan Mums.
18:25Are you tough enough?
18:26Come on!
18:28Tell me something.
18:30Do you want to be in the Spartan army?
18:32Yes, Mummy!
18:33Yes, Mummy!
18:34What did you say?!
18:35Yes, Mummy!
18:36Drop down and give me 300!
18:38Mm-hmm.
18:39They're good boys, but they need to grow a spine.
18:41I mean, they're Spartans.
18:43They need to learn to be as tough as their mothers.
18:45And believe me, we need to be tough to raise sons as tough as Spartans.
18:49Can I get up now?
18:50Did I say you could speak?
18:52Sorry, Mummy!
18:53I meant to send you pathetic babies out to fight for us.
18:56Do you want to go to battle?
18:58Or will you come running home to your mummy?
19:00No, Mummy.
19:01No, Mummy.
19:02No, Mummy.
19:03A coward!
19:04I should have left you outside on the hill like your other brother.
19:06What other brother?
19:08Exactly.
19:09What Mummy wants, Mummy gets.
19:13Or you die.
19:14Attention!
19:15Let me look at you.
19:17Oh, you don't want us to get naked again, do you?
19:20That is the best way to assess your physical fitness.
19:23But no.
19:24Not this time.
19:25Oh, that's a shame.
19:27I've been working on my abs.
19:31Shields!
19:34These are your shields.
19:36You carry them into battle.
19:38You return with them or on them.
19:40Ooh, like a sledge.
19:41No, like a stretcher.
19:43Dead, dummy.
19:45Shame about the sledge.
19:46That sounded fun.
19:48Oh, I weed.
19:51I weed.
19:52I'm sorry, Mummy.
19:53Oh, can't do this.
19:56You are a disgrace!
19:59The three gruelling weeks are over.
20:01And this is the end of the beginning of their training,
20:05which will last for many years to come.
20:08I want my Mummy!
20:10Malkadamas!
20:11I know.
20:12Drop will give you 300.
20:14One.
20:15Two.
20:16Two and a half.
20:17Two and a half.
20:18Oh, it hurts, Mummy!
20:19I can't do that one.
20:21Dearest Edward.
20:23Mummy here.
20:24I do hope this letter finds you well,
20:27despite this silly civil war.
20:30Not much to report from here at home.
20:32Apart from missing you and Daddy, of course.
20:35I do feel so safe with our own soldiers here to protect us.
20:40Lady Holly!
20:41Siege!
20:42Siege!
20:43We're under attack!
20:44Carry our positions, men!
20:45We will not let our homefold defend her at all!
20:48Ah, sir!
20:49I do hope you are looking after Daddy.
20:52I'm so proud of you both for defending our Puritan values against the
20:58Royalist Scum!
21:00As some mean people like to call them.
21:03The bells!
21:04The bells!
21:05They're taking the bells!
21:06Not on my watch!
21:07Hit them with everything we've got!
21:09Oh!
21:10I've been hit!
21:11Ooh!
21:12Cake!
21:13I was going to send you a cake to make you think of hope, but...
21:32Eat musket balls, losers!
21:35Ah!
21:36I prefer the cake!
21:39I seem to have run out of cake!
21:41Love and snuggles!
21:43Mummy!
21:44We did it!
21:45We did it!
21:46They're retreating!
21:47Who's the mummy?!
21:48It's me!
21:49It is me!
21:50Right!
21:51Be a laugh and sneak this past the enemy, would you?
21:55Move!
21:56Move!
21:57Move!
21:58I don't know how long we can keep this battle going.
22:03I'm exhausted!
22:04Also, we're running out of pillows.
22:06We've only got three left.
22:08We've only got two left.
22:10We've only got two left.
22:11Luckily, people in history have had all sorts of inventive ways to stop war and find peace.
22:17And one of the more surprising ways is marriage!
22:21Marriage!
22:22That one was my favourite!
22:24They say there is a wafer-thin line between love and hate.
22:32So, is it any wonder that when two warring rivals look for peace, it is l'amour that shows the way.
22:39Pharaoh Ramesses II is looking for love, or an end to war, one of the two.
22:46I hope I like her!
22:48I hope my wives like her as well!
22:50Hey!
22:51Do people normally bring their wives on dates?
22:53Serious question!
22:54You don't mind, do you?
22:56Yeah, she don't mind.
22:57Okay!
22:58His date is the eldest daughter of the king of the Hittites.
23:04You must be Ramesses II.
23:06My name is...
23:07I don't care what your name is.
23:08I'mma call you Mafornaferah.
23:10It means she who beholds the falcon that is the visible splendour of Ra.
23:17Yeah, right.
23:18I'm with you with names, innit?
23:20Is he allowed to do that?
23:21I mean, I know he's a pharaoh and I've heard he can do whatever he likes, but is he literally allowed to change my name?
23:26Things are off to a bad start because while Ramesses is pharaoh of the Upper Nile, he's on this occasion also king of the utter vile.
23:34Aye!
23:35You need some oil babes?
23:36No thanks, babe.
23:37Apologies, my bad.
23:38You need some oil babes!
23:40Huh?
23:41No!
23:42Stop that!
23:43What are you doing?
23:44The oil is there to banish the netherworld and keep you safe from evil.
23:48You're welcome.
23:49Look, I know that ditching this state could restart a war between our kingdoms, but right now that seems like a price worth paying.
23:54Hey, hey, hey.
23:55Look, look, look.
23:56We both know that our marriage is just there to keep the peace.
24:00But look, let's just put all of that aside, yeah?
24:03Let's just talk about our hopes and our dreams.
24:08I'd like that.
24:09So how much am I getting, eh?
24:11Think of world peace, think of world peace.
24:14It's called a dowry.
24:15Her dad has to give me a load of stuff when I marry her.
24:18Oh, it's a standard thing at regular weddings.
24:20Let alone ones being arranged to end a war.
24:22Ain't that right?
24:23I've got bear coins off of these, love.
24:25So I get the gold, yeah?
24:26The silver, the slaves, the horses, and the cows.
24:30Is that all?
24:31And me, of course.
24:32Ha, ha, yeah, of course.
24:34How could I forget that?
24:36That's mad.
24:37I'm going to put you down under the horses.
24:40And they say romance is dead.
24:42So do you think you'll see each other again?
24:44Sure.
24:45I mean, we'll have to, innit?
24:47If we don't get married, then the war between our rival kingdoms may well start up again.
24:52Right, I ain't got no choice.
24:54The words every Brad longs to hear.
24:56Don't worry, babes.
24:57We'll look after you.
24:58There you go.
24:59Wives, less guy.
25:01You need to learn something.
25:02Oh!
25:03Uh-huh.
25:04Just ignore him.
25:05Me too.
25:06Yeah, yeah, I'll catch you back at the palace.
25:09You know, I might have to be back next week because five wives ain't enough, you know what I mean?
25:14Ha, you know what I'm saying?
25:20The dust has settled on our final battle.
25:22We all decided to put aside the pillows of war and lead a peaceful life.
25:28Because Dad has said if we didn't, he'd sell the telly.
25:31Yes, war is never the answer.
25:33Unless the question is, three-letter word, beginning with W, English civil what?
25:38Of course, in the English Civil War, Oliver Cromwell's motto was peace through war.
25:43But my dad says that's nonsense, and he might be right.
25:47Things didn't work out so well for Cromwell.
25:49Mm-mm-mm.
25:51Civil War!
25:53Hur!
25:54What was it good for?
25:56Monarchy abolished.
25:59Civil War!
26:01Hur!
26:02What was it good for?
26:05Royalty demolished.
26:07Once we'd won and Charles lost his head, we became a Commonwealth instead.
26:12My new model army fought for the cause.
26:15I crushed rebellion and rip-hawned laws.
26:17This old parliament became Lord Protector, like a king but without a crown of scepter.
26:22Protector room was now what we were called, with a jolly little motto, peace through war.
26:26Civil War!
26:28Hur!
26:29Hur!
26:30What was it good for?
26:31Monarchy disbanded.
26:33Civil War!
26:34Hur!
26:35What was it good for?
26:36High power expanded.
26:37England and Wales, it's twelve little bits.
26:38It didn't work out, had to call that quits.
26:39Thought making me king would be the solution, but I stayed Lord Protector with a new constitution.
26:40Didn't last long, death was my fate.
26:41So son and heir, stepping up to the plate, it was a tough act to follow the great dictator.
26:44The army forced me out a year later.
26:45Civil War!
26:46Hur!
26:47What was it good for?
26:48Monarchy diminished!
27:06Huh!
27:07What was it good for?
27:10Civil War.
27:12Huh.
27:13What was it you before?
27:15I thought we were finished.
27:18But all the while I'd been in exile, banished from my home nation.
27:26Then I got the call, they'd had enough of war, and so began the restoration.
27:34I'd pardon crimes from Civil War times, I'm back, what's not to lie?
27:40Well, they dug me up, cut me up, and put my head on a spine.
27:45Civil War.
27:48Who was it you for?
27:50Don't get me started.
27:54Civil War.
27:56Who was it you for?
27:59Right, now where's the party?
28:04Civil War.
28:26What?
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