Mike Judges Beavis and Butt Head S03E21 Million Dollar Reward

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00:00Feminine TV

00:03Feminine TV

00:07Feminine TV

00:10Uh, your brain weighs almost nothing.

00:32What a dumbass.

00:34Shut up, butthead.

00:35Wait again.

00:37I'm gonna think about something heavy.

00:40Like rocks or something heavy.

00:44Wait a minute, Beavis.

00:46Check it out.

00:49Whoa, that guy is cool.

00:52Yes, he is very cool.

00:54But look, it says, like, he did a crime or something,

00:57and if you turn him into the police,

01:00you get, uh, a million dollars.

01:05Whoa, so if you, like, find a guy who did a crime

01:07and turn him into the police,

01:09you get a million dollars?

01:12Beavis, I've got an idea.

01:16Uh, sir, Beavis did, like, a crime.

01:20I'm turning him in.

01:22That's right.

01:23Give us a million dollars.

01:24Uh, sir, can you give us a minute?

01:39Uh, sir, can you give us a minute?

01:44Um, I spanked my monkey.

01:52That's not a crime.

01:54It's not?

01:55Whoa, you know, that's cool.

01:57Are you sure, sir?

01:59I heard him doing it, and it was violent.

02:01Yeah, that's not a crime.

02:06Uh, can you give us another minute, sir?

02:12Tell him you stole a house.

02:14I don't know, spanking your monkey's allowed.

02:16Maybe that's allowed, too.

02:18Uh, yeah, that's true.

02:21This is hard.

02:22Uh, yeah, what about that time?

02:26We thought of a crime, sir.

02:31Yeah, I stabbed a tree.

02:34Just get out of here, okay?

02:36Hey, they look like derelicts.

02:38We should ask them if they know anything about all the graffiti around 26th Street.

02:42Uh, is graffiti a crime?

02:45Yeah.

02:46Then Beavis did it.

02:47Yeah, that's right.

02:50Okay, book him.

02:52Yes!

02:53We're gonna be millionaires.

02:59I wish it didn't have to be this way.

03:01I really do.

03:02But sometimes in life, we have to protect our own heart, even if it means ripping it out of our chest.

03:07Yeah!

03:08Yeah!

03:09Hell yeah!

03:11That's how we do it around here.

03:13Yeah!

03:15America!

03:15Yeah!

03:17I bet we could do better than those guys.

03:21We should become hitmen.

03:25Yeah, yeah, really.

03:25That's a good idea.

03:26Yeah!

03:26Mm-hmm.

03:27How do you become a hitman, though?

03:29Oh, I know.

03:30Maybe I'll ask at the unemployment office.

03:32Yeah.

03:33Mm-hmm.

03:33See if they have any hitman jobs, you know?

03:36Mm-hmm.

03:36Uh, sure.

03:39Can't hurt to ask.

03:41You know, at my last job interview, the guy asked me to stop jiggling my leg, and I said,

03:47shut up or I'm gonna kill you!

03:49Mm-hmm.

03:49But see, this time, on this job interview, that might get me the job, see?

03:54Mm-hmm.

03:55Oh, this is good.

03:56This is good.

03:57Mm-hmm.

03:58Mm-hmm.

03:59And I'll tell you something.

04:01If I was a hitman, I would be the model of professionalism.

04:06And I would even clean the grease traps if they wanted me to, you know?

04:09Mm-hmm.

04:10Uh, there aren't any grease traps when you're a hitman, dumbass.

04:14Mm-hmm.

04:15Yeah, there are.

04:16They're on the grill.

04:17Mm-hmm.

04:18You're thinking of Burger World.

04:21Oh, yeah, yeah.

04:22Yeah, but, um, you know, I could do all my hits in Burger World, you know?

04:26Mm-hmm.

04:27Hey.

04:27Yeah, mix business with pleasure, you know?

04:29Mm-hmm.

04:30Hey.

04:30Oh, hey.

04:31You know what else I mean?

04:32Like, if I ran out of bullets or something, I'd give them, like, a triple cheeseburger with

04:37a side of macho fries, and then they'd just die of heart disease, you know?

04:41Mm-hmm.

04:41Hey.

04:42I got time, you know?

04:43Mm-hmm.

04:43Hey.

04:44Also, like, if you were a hitman, and you didn't want to come in to work one day,

04:48because, like, it was the weekend, you could just say your grandma died, and then if they

04:53said they were going to go check, you could just kill her.

04:56Oh, yeah, wait a second.

05:00I don't like that, but that's messed up.

05:02You said you have to work on weekends as a hitman?

05:05Eh.

05:06I think you have to work whenever someone needs killing.

05:10Eh.

05:11Yeah, this might not work out.

05:14It was a beautiful dream, you know?

05:16Eh.

05:17Eh.

05:24Felony vandalism.

05:25That's a serious charge.

05:27That's right, sir.

05:28Sure is.

05:29We're going to get a million dollars.

05:31Damn right.

05:33Well, I promise you, Mr. Beavis, as your lawyer, I will do everything I can to get you off.

05:38Okay, I guess.

05:40But I'd rather it was with a chick.

05:42Eh.

05:42Court is now in session for the trial of the state of Texas versus Beavis.

05:48Prosecution, you may call your first witness.

05:50There's been a whole lot of graffiti on the side of the Maximard and all over the neighborhood.

05:55A lot of gang tags and obscenities.

05:58Whoa, cool.

05:59Eh.

05:59Yeah, the crime I did kicks ass.

06:01Eh.

06:02You do cool crimes.

06:04Yeah, yeah, I do, yeah.

06:05Eh.

06:06Um, I do lots of cool crimes, Your Honor.

06:10Eh.

06:10Hey, can those 12 guys over there hear me?

06:13Hey.

06:13Did you hear that?

06:14Lots of cool crimes.

06:15I do, yeah.

06:16Eh.

06:17Eh.

06:20He told me to my face that he did it.

06:22He confessed.

06:23But isn't it true that you railroaded him into that confession?

06:30Rail.

06:32My lawyer's a perv.

06:34Eh.

06:35Eh.

06:36Eh.

06:37Eh.

06:38Eh.

06:39Eh.

06:40Eh.

06:41Eh.

06:42Eh.

06:43Eh.

06:44Eh.

06:45Eh.

06:46Eh.

06:47Eh.

06:48Eh.

06:49Eh.

06:50Eh.

06:51Eh.

06:52Eh.

06:53Eh.

06:54Eh.

06:55Eh.

06:56Eh.

06:57Eh.

06:58Eh.

06:59Eh.

07:00Eh.

07:01Eh.

07:02Eh.

07:03Eh.

07:04Eh.

07:05Eh.

07:06Eh.

07:07Eh.

07:08You've heard a lot here today, and I bet you're eager to finally tell your side of the story.

07:13This is boring. How long is this going to take? I'm just here to get my million dollars.

07:19What million dollars?

07:21You know, my million dollar reward for turning myself in for doing a crime.

07:27There's no reward, Mr. Beavis. If this court finds you guilty, you don't get any money.

07:32What?

07:34You go to jail.

07:35Well, that sucks. I have one more question for the judge.

07:40Proceed.

07:41Is spanking your monkey against the law? Because they told me it wasn't, and now it's just not as fun anymore.

07:49And so, Mr. Beavis, you didn't do any of this graffiti.

07:56No, sir.

07:57In fact, you couldn't have, because you don't even know your letters.

08:01I'd just like to state for the record that reading sucks.

08:05The only reason you confessed to the crime was you mistakenly believed you would be paid one million dollars.

08:12Do I get a million dollars? Because I'm still not 100% clear on it.

08:17No.

08:19That sucks.

08:21The defense rests.

08:22Your Honor, we have just come into a new piece of evidence we'd like to enter into the record.

08:30I'll allow it.

08:30Oh, yeah, yeah.

08:35Yeah.

08:36Yeah, we did do graffiti, yeah.

08:39Oh, yeah.

08:40Uh, let the record show that it's a butt.

08:45Yeah, I forgot about that.

08:46Um, Your Honor, was this in 2024?

08:49I was drunk that year.

08:51I don't remember barely any of it.

08:52We, the jury, find the defendants guilty.

09:00Wait a second.

09:01Who's the defendants?

09:02I thought we did it.

09:03Yeah, someone tell her she got the wrong guys.

09:07At least these guys know what's up.

09:09Yeah, really.

09:12Beavis, we're going to get a million dollars.

09:15Our plan worked.

09:16Yeah.

09:18Thanks.

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