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00:00I browsed as a child, my quirks hadn't exactly gone under the radar.
00:03See you later, Landon.
00:05I was basically a box of broken biscuits, but I enjoy being on the wonky side.
00:11Until 1989.
00:15I'd grown a foot, dropped two octaves, and unbeknownst to me, was heading into a new era.
00:21A saucy one.
00:23So this was it. It was happening to little old me of all people.
00:27Lust, desire, passion, boobies.
00:34My libido had gone full throttle, so I loved popping into Athena.
00:38It was like woolies for perverts.
00:43All right, I thought women were a bit like olives.
00:46They'd turn your stomach at first, but if you persevere, you'd learn to love them.
00:50Oh, who was I kidding?
00:56I was there for Jake.
00:59Who needs a tennis player itching her bum when the cutest boy in school is tugging at your heartstrings?
01:04Oh, hello. You here again?
01:11It's a Saturday job. I've got to be here every Saturday.
01:15Er, I was just wondering, have you got that poster with that lady on the motorbike?
01:20Well, yeah. Cracking photo, though. Suzuki Katana.
01:23Well, I don't know her name, but lovely bag.
01:27Do you roll them, or do they come ready rolled in a plastic sheaf?
01:30Ready rolled.
01:36Oh, me and Mum love Cindy Louvre, huh?
01:38It's 3.80.
01:40Hm?
01:413.80.
01:47Keep the change.
01:51Oh, yeah, absolutely.
01:53Love a life about me.
01:54You do not want to be lost at sea without one of those boys.
01:57No, sorry.
01:58You're funny.
02:00Oh.
02:02See you Monday, then.
02:06Oh, God, I nearly ran off with this cane ring.
02:09Keep it.
02:11What?
02:11They won't even notice if you want it.
02:14Keep it.
02:20Oh, I'll go.
02:21Bye.
02:25That's gonna kill me.
02:27My dad was riding high and also looking for a man.
02:30Not like that, a midfielder.
02:32Graham!
02:34Hey, shush, shush, shush.
02:35He's on telly.
02:35Yeah, manager of the month again.
02:38You're gonna have a drink problem at this rate.
02:39Yeah, uh, chuffed to bits.
02:42We're obviously doing something right.
02:44Any transfers on the horizon?
02:46Anyone caught your eye?
02:47Uh, they have.
02:48I'm just waiting for this one to open his cheque book.
02:52Oh, yeah, it's open.
02:54It's, my pen is poised.
02:56It better be, because I need a midfielder sharpish.
02:58Don't put that on the TV.
03:00No, no.
03:01Yeah.
03:02I mean, do we do that photo?
03:03Come on.
03:05Here we are.
03:05Right, go ahead, guys.
03:07Come on, lads, come on!
03:11Come in here, it's bloody whiskey, not champagne, you idiot.
03:15Don't know it.
03:16Yeah!
03:17Bam bam, oh, ça se place.
03:19J'y sur mon lit a bouffé, ça l'entend, buvant,
03:21mon whisky cante à moi.
03:22Peu dormi, billet briné.
03:24D'aidé du dormi dans la bouche et rouges et eu à flash.
03:27Woo!
03:27Woo!
03:28Ha!
03:29Ha!
03:29Ha!
03:30Ha!
03:30Ha!
03:31Ha!
03:32Ha!
03:32Ha!
03:32Ha!
03:33Ha!
03:33Ha!
03:34Ha!
03:35Ha!
03:35Ha!
03:36Ha!
03:37Ha!
03:38Ha!
03:39Ha!
03:40Ha!
03:41Ha!
03:42Ha!
03:43Ha!
03:44Ha!
03:45Ha!
03:45Ha! Ha!
03:46Ha!
03:47Ha!
03:48How was it?
03:49Yeah, great!
03:50Call me flipper.
03:51Ha! Ha! Ha!
03:52Ha!
03:53Mr Carr!
03:54Miss Beeson's waiting at you!
03:55Hello!
03:56No, she's not. Off you go!
03:57Mr Carr!
03:58Paint your foot down!
03:59Drop, drop, drop!
04:00Hey!
04:01Glad I caught you.
04:02Oh!
04:03Miss Pearson.
04:04Dad loved sporty women.
04:05He only ever looked at a cleavage to see if there was a stopwatch there.
04:09Is everything all right?
04:10I don't know.
04:11Is it?
04:12Oh!
04:13No!
04:14This is Graham's. He won it.
04:16It's a manager of the month award.
04:21All right, congratulations. They're not wrong.
04:24Thank you very much. That's very kind of you.
04:27Are you all right, Alan?
04:29Yep!
04:30He had a great time by all accounts.
04:32Oh, did he?
04:33Well, I don't know where, cos he never turned up for his swimming lesson.
04:35You what?
04:36But, Alan, if it happens again, I'll have to give his place away.
04:39It won't.
04:40I'll throw him in meself.
04:41I am so sorry, Miss Pearson.
04:44Good stride.
04:46Good stride.
04:47Where the bloody hell were you?
04:49I had a dicky tan.
04:51Not funny, Gavin.
04:52You smell lemonade?
04:54We all know I'm no fan of P.E.
05:00Cry it out, Lyle. Get on with it.
05:02But when Jake was doing the picking, everything seemed bearable.
05:06Even team sports.
05:07All right.
05:08Alan.
05:09Alan.
05:10Me!
05:11He picked me!
05:12I would have picked Simon meself.
05:14I won't let you down.
05:21Go get it.
05:22Let's do it, eh?
05:24All right, Scrummagey!
05:27Come on!
05:28You go there.
05:29I'll do it.
05:30Here we go.
05:31So, how was the rest of your weekend?
05:35We saw each other Saturday.
05:37What?
05:38He just came to the shop.
05:39What?
05:40Oh, some modern apps.
05:41Oh, and a caving.
05:42Well, I didn't have to buy the caving, cos Jake gave it to me.
05:45Gratis.
05:46Are you giving him free stuff?
05:47No.
05:48Well, yes, you did.
05:50You're borrowing him presents, Jay.
05:51It's not a big deal.
05:52I just said, you know, like, boss never cares.
05:55Oh, my God, you're flirting with Alan.
05:57Oh, shut up.
05:58He probably fancies you.
05:59No, I don't.
06:00Who's looking at tits?
06:01You know the posters.
06:02No, I'm not a caveman.
06:04I don't just look at the tits, I look at the whole lady.
06:09Sure, sure.
06:10Who do you fancy, then?
06:11Yeah, come on, Alan.
06:12Who's the unlucky lady?
06:13Why is this taking so long?
06:17Yeah, come on, Alan.
06:18Georgie.
06:19Oh, Georgie.
06:20Well, what do you like about her?
06:22Her name, cos it sounded like her boys.
06:24Well, she's formidable.
06:27Well, you, buddy, should ask her out.
06:30Yeah, ask her out.
06:31Why not?
06:33I'm coming for you.
06:35Lucky old Georgie.
06:38What are you doing?
06:40Comparing persons?
06:41Come on, crack on, lads!
06:42Come on!
06:43So when you're asking her out, Alan?
06:45Get out on the leg!
06:46Cut!
06:47What are you staring at?
06:48Come on, Alan.
06:49Come on, Alan.
06:56Saturday meant another swimming lesson,
06:58and after a finagate, my mum was watching me like a hawk.
07:01Right, I want to see you back here in an hour.
07:03Right, go on.
07:04I want to see you going.
07:05Come on.
07:08Go on.
07:09Have fun.
07:14Don't trust them.
07:19Where's your trains?
07:21Didn't bring them.
07:22I'll cover for you.
07:23You can cover for me.
07:30You're wearing that.
07:31Look at how we'll care like if I don't.
07:33Right, not when you're done.
07:35I'm starving.
07:40I don't know what was more humiliating,
07:42being forced to do a swimming lesson
07:44because your dad fancied the teacher
07:46or that your classmates were six.
07:49We're you.
07:54Changing room.
07:55I'm in.
07:57Alright, everybody in.
07:59Just bouncing around for now
08:00and draw.
08:01Just smiling at the bottom man
08:02and you're seeing me a fool.
08:05No man, people.
08:06I'm in!
08:08I'm in.
08:09I'll smash a bottle of champs on me.
08:11Good start, Alan,
08:12but you're flapping needlessly.
08:13Your feet can't touch the bottom
08:15and stop splashing.
08:16You're scaring the others.
08:17the only thing tighter than my swim cap was ron's wallet the cobblers needed a midfielder fast and
08:26he was treading water yes let me have a few chats this day oh my paperwork for bodily sale done that's
08:4019k in our pocket up the offer for thomas well he can't offer the full 19 i mean got to hold a bit
08:46back graham i've got gaps to plug gaps to plug i've got a gaping hole in midfield yeah but 19k we can't
08:53oh trust me ron he's worth every penny of it oh we need this i heard he's got dodgy knees big time
09:01here and click from the stands look hey sorry martin yeah yeah we'd like to offer
09:08um 19k
09:17black coffee please
09:20sorry i'm graham carr's wife oh yeah yes i am i've seen you in the papers it's amazing he's amazing
09:29yeah thank you i've had a good run of it aren't we he's at the ground now big day
09:37buying selling transferring this transferring that buying bits and bobs yeah big big there's a lot of
09:47buying and selling going on i couldn't get your autograph could i oh god no really oh you don't want
09:57mine who should i make it out to wendy
10:03she just did a usual signature but from that point on she took to making the a of car
10:09into a little football that's a little football thank you thank you bendy
10:18one pound thirty please
10:21little biscuit
10:25thank you i'm sorry what was your name becky thank you becky
10:30frothy coffee please
10:51oh they should have called by now hi to yes surely 19k
10:55fancy a tea i fancy a tea joy
11:03yeah let's go back
11:06joy
11:20hello stranger
11:21almighty angel let's get you a napkin sorry she's had a little spillage
11:26oh shades are too big for your face another one no i'll go they um
11:33sort of know me yeah regular hawk is it no they recognize me because of graham all the press
11:39nonsense i'm still getting used to it all right you're not going to believe this
11:45woman just asked me for me autograph i don't believe it no i'll go she gave me a free biscuit when
11:55she clocked who i was oh christine bless you no they give everyone a little biscuit yeah but i
12:00didn't pay for it nobody pays for the little biscuit yeah but she did a sort of cheeky smile
12:05when she put it on people tend to do a cheeky smile when there's a biscuit around christine no it
12:09was definite let's see shall we
12:16martin not 9k off that we've crunched the numbers again 10k is top whack
12:23i know i know but think about it no martin
12:30wash your mouth out
12:32i need you to form that phone from this phone
12:42what phone platform boardroom phone can't i just call it from my office phone
12:48then it would be an internal ring we need it to be an external ring
12:53right right but it is internal because it's me but it's not you is it
13:04just phone that bloody phone from this bloody phone please joy
13:08and what do i say nothing
13:10it's on this way doggy paddle's not the most efficient stroke alan
13:20if it's good enough for a lapra dog
13:27oi alan where's your arm burns
13:31nice swimming cap why are you in the pissy pool with the toddlers
13:34excuse me this is a private lesson a private lesson that i'm helping miss pearson with as a
13:41teaching assistant yeah that's alan what did i say kids about kicking those legs no joanne push
13:50through the water no for the love of god not good enough alan really cute isn't it the little
13:56mermaid's trying to get a five meter badge nice one alan get back here yeah i'm just going on the break
14:04oh oh come on jane hey oh my god what are you doing here it's a saturday oh um i got the sack
14:11why can't we give the stuff away oh the key ring it was so mad no it's not it it wasn't that
14:18my mum paid with a tenner and i gave it 20 change oh she ain't gravel you devil see you in there
14:34you're carving on jane well no because your girlfriend's lit
14:48georgie how is she you can ask her out but i gotta go back ask her out
14:57i don't think you're hot georgie isn't that right alan guilty as charged and maz everyone
15:06thinks you're hot too yeah i know god yeah it's like being in a soup with two sexy croutons
15:14what's a crouton why when you were feeling so self-conscious would you pop on a pair of trunks
15:18and bob along half naked in a giant bath hoping that someone anyone would find you attractive
15:26no heavy petting you what you heard so just to clarify the little biscuits they're free
15:32they're free yep for everyone yep not just the wives of third division football managers
15:38what not not thank you sir what's your name becky thank you becky you've been very helpful
15:56hello hello no hello martin yeah have you oh no oh no no no no no
16:06oh that's that's a shame thanks for letting us know yeah
16:16they got a better offer than 19k you're joking i wish i was i really wish i was greedy buggers i don't
16:27believe that
16:34thanks for that must have just left it yeah any chance of that tea yeah get a wiggle on joy
16:42oh georgie more like georgie
16:54oh back stroke i'd like to stroke your back
17:00feet bends
17:00you don't have to try so hard don't you yes i do maybe you don't you charming popular debonair better
17:14at this stuff you're coming to the deep end alan or what no yeah you probably just stay with the
17:20little ones keep up with your croutons adam shut up mandy he's not allowed in the deep end leave him
17:26he's meant to be teaching give me them no no see ya
17:34my glasses i can't see me glasses were just there like harold bishops were when he drowned in neighbors
17:42i'm going to go and watch alan for a bit okay i'll come have a squeeze thank you thank you becky
18:12i'm going to go and watch this
18:28are you starting my glasses in go get them then
18:38good morning why are you just standing there
18:42i'm just working out my angle of entrance just jump in man what are you doing
18:47he can't swim hold that climb prove it then oh don't leslie
18:53alan get back in the baby pool
18:56jump in
19:09he's a
19:11he's a
19:23he's a
19:25he's a
19:27Evacuate the pool, everyone else!
19:34Please evacuate the pool.
19:36Please make your way back to the changing rooms.
19:39Shame about your glasses, mate.
19:45Oh, my God! Help him!
19:47Someone help him!
19:49I couldn't help thinking these swimming lessons had been a waste of money.
19:58But drowning was preferable to romancing a girl.
20:05Where's Jake? Where's Alan?
20:07I just died on your arms tonight
20:13Must have been something you said
20:16I just died on your arms tonight
20:24How was it?
20:27Well, uh...
20:29Thanks for asking. We lost Roberts.
20:31We nearly lost Alan.
20:32What?
20:34What's wrong with your glasses?
20:36Oh, they got washed in a suction pipe.
20:38So I couldn't swim.
20:40Who cares?
20:41I'd swallowed a floating plaster.
20:43So what?
20:44I was heading home with a lung filled with chlorine
20:47and a heart full of love.
20:49Maybe I should try drowning more often.
20:53Where's your hair dry?
20:58Tiki Tom?
21:02So...
21:04Where's Miss Pearson?
21:06You mentioned me?
21:11Let me take you to a place I know you wanna go
21:14It's a good life
21:15Yes!
21:16That's the one!
21:18Alan?
21:20You nearly ready?
21:21Mum?
21:22Do you think I should take me jazz shoes?
21:24You're only going a night, love.
21:25You couldn't get away with a jazz shoe in Northampton.
21:28Believe me, I've tried.
21:29This town was cramping my style.
21:32I needed somewhere bigger, somewhere brighter,
21:35somewhere I could blend in.
21:37I needed...
21:38London, Gary!
21:39You can't wear a show suit.
21:41You could run into a man of oil.
21:43Go! Get changed!
21:45Mum and Dad had a work meeting in town,
21:47so we were staying with Aunty Terry,
21:49a hop, skip and a jump from London's glittering West End.
21:54Are you sure she's up to this?
21:56Of course!
21:57Oh, you're not still on a bet last time.
21:59She took him to the dogs and lost him.
22:01How I got stuck in that kennel, I'll never know.
22:04But this time, I've come prepared.
22:06Got me cockney-rhyming slang.
22:08Oh, love, no-one talks like that any more.
22:10What a load of old pony!
22:13You must be going mutton!
22:16You've got to keep your wits about you down London town.
22:18Val got mugged outside in Aberdeen Angers.
22:20She didn't even realise.
22:22Are that southerners for you?
22:23A god-awful place.
22:25Gangster-loving, ale-eating...
22:28Oi! I'm a sevener.
22:30Let me finish...
22:32with the most beautiful women in the country.
22:34And I'm including your mum in that.
22:38Charming.
22:39He who tires of London...
22:41Tires of pain.
22:42£1.20 for a bite.
22:43They're taking the mick.
22:46Right, let's go!
22:47Everyone in the corps!
22:49I'll be seeing you shortly, George.
22:51Wait till I tell Kate, I've been to...
22:54Barney!
22:55Oh, a hop, skip and quite a long jump
22:57from London's glittering West End, then.
22:59Four-hour round trip.
23:01I don't even know what this bloke wants.
23:03He's probably trying to poach Alfie for Stoke.
23:05They all shocks these agents.
23:07Oh, Graham, put a sock in it.
23:08You're being wined and dined.
23:09Oh, I'd love to be wined and dined.
23:12Oh, shit.
23:14Alfie's not even scored all season.
23:15Dad!
23:16You're in the cultural capital of the world, OK?
23:19Stop talking about football.
23:21Oh, my God, is that Gloria Hannaford?
23:23It's Gloria Hannaford.
23:26No, it is.
23:27I think it is Gloria Hannaford.
23:30No, yeah, it's not.
23:32You're never more than six foot away from a celeb in London.
23:35We're only just off the M1, for Christ's sake.
23:37And it's rats, not celebrities.
23:39One and the same, darling.
23:42Oh, you're early.
23:44We're 20 minutes late.
23:45Oh.
23:46Thanks for this, Terry.
23:47I appreciate it.
23:48Oh, please.
23:49You know I love him.
23:54Them.
23:55I love them both, cos there's two of them, isn't there?
23:58Yeah.
23:59Right, so Gary's inhalers in his rucksack.
24:01Oh, go on.
24:02I'll have a quick puff.
24:04Oh, we're gonna have fun, aren't we, eh?
24:06The three musketeers.
24:08All for one and all for...
24:12One.
24:13So you've got Graham's mobile number.
24:15I'm not phoning a mobile.
24:16No, but if you need it.
24:17No, they're not safe, Chris.
24:19Might as well stick you in the microwave.
24:21Yeah, I'm not sure that's...
24:22No, no, no, sorry.
24:23You think about it.
24:24You've got a normal phone.
24:25The waves, they're travelling up the cold.
24:27They get stuck, trapped in the cold.
24:30You've got no cold.
24:32Those waves are going straight into your brain.
24:35Yeah, well, you can always phone the restaurant.
24:37Alan's got the details.
24:38Imperial China Piccadilly Circus.
24:40What are you going with again?
24:41I'm just some football agent.
24:43Oh.
24:44Wines and dimes.
24:46Yeah.
24:47Right, come on then.
24:48The eighth.
24:49Right, good.
24:50Look after him.
24:51Hey.
24:52All right.
24:53All right.
24:54Ta-ta.
24:55Bye, bye boys.
24:56My Auntie Terry was the naughty to my mum's nice.
25:06Right then.
25:07An ashtray half full kind of girl.
25:09Oh.
25:10This is nice.
25:11What do you fancy doing?
25:12Well, so, we're going to go.
25:13Are you getting culling in?
25:14Hello, Mr. Wolf.
25:15Boo!
25:16What?
25:17Boo!
25:18Oh, you don't want to boo anymore.
25:19He used to love a bit of boo.
25:20He used to love a bit of boo.
25:21He's dead.
25:22Oh, timeless boo, innit?
25:23Oh, I've got one.
25:24Bet you can't find my fags in ten seconds.
25:25Go.
25:26No.
25:27No!
25:28No, we didn't want to boo anymore.
25:30He used to love a bit of boo.
25:33He's dead.
25:34Oh, timeless boo, innit?
25:36Oh, I've got one.
25:38Bet you can't find my fags in ten seconds.
25:42Go.
25:43No, because we were thinking that maybe we could go up to the West End?
25:46See the mouse track?
25:47Oh, up the East End?
25:48Why at Chapel?
25:49Because they do a Jack the Ripper tour.
25:51Hey, I win!
25:53we can just do that round here can't we no because i think that you need to go where he
26:00actually did the murders otherwise you are just having a walk what about a film have you seen
26:08pretty woman before you start it is not about me oh yeah i've wanted to say that i was going to ask
26:16jake if he wanted to go with me jake's boy in my class i think that he was a little bit put off by
26:20the poster he said why would a prostitute be wearing waders yeah hooker boots alan oh and he goes the
26:27big odian in leicester square the seats are meant to be massive we don't need to go out hey vhs
26:36my mate wez got me a knockoff coffee but that's piracy that's illegal if you hear any police
26:42sirens right just duck down behind the sofa all right
26:46sorry to drag you into town ah no not at all it's our pleasure much to discuss but i'll be buggered
27:01if i'm coming to northampton food's fantastic here oh i bet
27:08it's lovely lovely lanterns
27:13all right um i'll order for the table shall i i know my way around the menu oh i think we all do
27:21don't we 36 couple of 22s port balls and a pancake roll yeah it's a little bit more authentic here so
27:28right you go ahead then do you like the sweet and sour balls though didn't you graham yeah i can
27:34live with other balls our work will follow your lead smart man jesus christ um you took your time
27:40right um sorry um is it true that diana right here it is yes
27:45very exciting isn't it oh has ken got any lobsters in
27:51the chinese restaurant might have been the real deal this vhs clearly wasn't
27:57it's good isn't it when's dinner we'll grab a bite to eat when we're out we should get going
28:16really big ben's ticking away no no i've got it all planned your dinner yeah yeah yeah
28:27honestly terry just chucks a banana on the way i can't be bothered with dinner after time
28:33just have a bit of philadelphia on the wheatabix don't go to any trouble on our account just grab
28:39something up west once we get going she can curry all right mum usually makes it from scratch i haven't
28:46got the time to be pissing about with an onion ellen i do have a life so tube or cab which one we get
28:55in i bought a soft shoe for the palace out of respect cab well it says 180 here but i reckon just to
29:01just to grill it be so much quicker won't it i've never seen london before you're in london now ellen
29:08greater london they call it that because it's better than the middle bit oh excuse won't be a
29:13sec keep an eye on that curry ellen hello hello you no no i'm not i've got my sister's boys
29:27stop it all right all right you said you want to go out we're gonna go out
29:39gary grab your rucksack we're off to london town
29:45terry's local was more dead end than west end but at least it was half a mile in the right
29:57direction all right where's all right terry these are my nephews alan gary all right lads well tim
30:04i've got one boys a little please and some bacon krispies on the tab we're not stopping edna west
30:10gammie'll have that and then we'll be off yeah hi darling
30:14ladies
30:16you do a three three two right you have johnson at the back freeman up front it's a no brainer
30:24yeah so do you live nearby kensington oh that's a lovely big ass freezing four floors extortionate
30:32eat yeah we're double glazed throughout so that does help
30:36sorry feel like he's listening i think it's the eyes we eat a lot of fish oh yeah so do we
30:45i just tend to take the eyes out before they put them in breadcrumbs
30:47shangdu region shangdu region the chef is incredible with seafood he got a decent chinese
30:56do you oh yeah got a really good one they do fish and chips and all don't they graham
30:59well it's good for the kids um can we get a couple of forks here i don't i don't think
31:06i don't think chopsticks have made it to northampton yet i suppose you need opposable thumbs to use
31:10them yeah well those thumbs have got them to the top of the league
31:16and it's been noted it's been noted
31:19aunt terry we can kiss goodbye to the mousetrap the curtain's gone up sorry oh you must be
31:29hungry get yourself a bag of crisps or me i can have crisps at home i want to see a bp to a close
31:35range just a furry hat alan i've just got to stay just for a little bit yeah why don't you
31:42have a throw yeah go on go on have a throw for me
31:47right can we go now you're standing wrong oh you show him
31:56find a mild and a bottle of white they'd get cheapest one yeah
32:07you must be gary fantastic your auntie terry real special lady yeah
32:20here you go my love try that shelly i'm a minus 4.5 i think it's holding you back clear the board lens
32:31what about that yes better from a uncle mick sweet who's uncle mick we don't have an ankle mick
32:47might have one day if i play my cards right
32:50well hopefully ankle's come to drive us up west
32:55load of cash in it well i should know i'm making it she's spending it but i'm making it
33:02it's always away hey girlies oh no no thank you not for me um i've got a bit of a headache
33:09excuse me i'm going for a cigarette all right now want another beer
33:25jack the ripper who maybe i didn't need to go traipsing around whitechapel listening to
33:35someone witter on about disemboweling i'd discover darts
33:40these arrows had given me life i was starting to feel optimistic
33:49whereas mick was feeling becky with the bad hair's arse
33:54look no hands all right mr rockee first
33:59oh god mother i've missed chatting to you sit down
34:06what are you doing it's my fault i've been glued to that hockey all night
34:10oh making yourself at home at night hey he's come all this way to see me practice my darts
34:17that's the thing about mick takes an interest in my interests
34:22yeah what happened to greg i liked him
34:27married oh terry you watch dynasty you should know that they never ever ever leave the wife
34:36but they give the old spill don't they she doesn't understand me it's different with you and the
34:42next thing it's i've got ringworm terry i can't leave the house most men are bastards adam i mean
34:49not you obviously you're a sweetheart and your dad you know your dad's all right i mean oh my god he's
34:57boring he was talking to me about the transfer wind i said graham i'm gonna stick my head through the
35:03wind joint a minute so wait when you get a good one alan make sure you hold on to him
35:15oh terry he was grabbing that woman's bum while you're in the loo
35:23shark wasn't her bum alan she's very thin it's probably her elbow he doesn't care about your doubts terry
35:33oh he's probably out of my league anyway i mean look at him he's using a coaster as a toothpick
35:42terry no look at me look at me you are a strong independent beautiful woman stop it i mean
35:51man would kill for that kind of volume in her fringe and i know she thinks you're a nightmare but that's
35:57just because of your pizzazz that's why you live in london well greater london we're not going are we
36:06to the west end it's a bus and free tubes ellen it's fine i'm gonna live in london when i'm older
36:13be out on the town every night better believe it kid you'll be licking champagne off a chandelier with a
36:19cast of ollie oaks before you know it anyway i can't leave now can i i got 86 and three thrones to go
36:26i'm sorry darling you have had fun haven't you
36:36something stronger trying to get me drunk come on out with it who you have to
36:42you don't go throwing chicken chow mane at a man for nothing is it alfie who wants him stoke
36:52barnesley stoke city but they don't want alfie they want you
37:00what it's a big offer graham they're not mucking about been eyeing you up for a while they're going
37:05in for the kiss they want to talk i can make it happen for you just a phone call it would be my pleasure
37:12i think you'd be mad not to jump at it cobblers was small fry but this this could change everything
37:19for you graham and the family and i'll only take 20 percent you sure i can't tempt you hey
37:30oi two sarkies
37:34the needle the sweating the urge to get it in the right spot it was like that time i od'd on a zempic
37:42and only over there busy mick we're going to have a good time
37:49you're having a very good time by the looks of it oh come here she said she's busy
37:56kenneth williams to the rescue oh leave it out mick yeah she's right you don't want to be causing no
38:02barney rubble it's time we called you a sherbet dab i think is it now uh can you give me space i'm
38:14trying to hit a triple top enough mick don't you turn your back on me you little poof
38:19oh you did that deliberately no i didn't it was an accident sling you up wes wes wes chuck him out
38:32he stabbed me he threatened my nephew what's he even doing in here eh he's only 12 13 and a half actually
38:41i am buzzing oh my god allen get you flat in the bcg oh it's mrs carl terry has left a message for you
38:55oh god she said could you please come back jesus it's only half past nine uh they're at the king's arms
39:03i'm gonna kill her i've tried before but i'm gonna do it this time graham we need to leave
39:06uh surely no drink round hours first i insist you can follow the jag look we get it you drive
39:11the flash car and you eat fish with the eyes in well done you bye love graham
39:21i can't leave i mean i'm leaving the restaurant but uh i can't leave the club i appreciate the offer
39:30but um the money would be nice but um yeah i won't let my players down or the club or ron we've been
39:42through a lot to get where we are but um yeah there's more left to do nice to meet you look if you change
39:49your mind you know where to find me all right i won't come on kids come on kids terry why are they in
39:59the pub
40:08i love sport see you love sport it's not sport it's a hobby what was that hey nothing to think of all
40:16those times in pe when i had to run around to film sub-zero temperatures and i could have been in
40:21dolls in the world okay so i hadn't seen a beefeater or a single pearly queen but i had seen life and
40:28let's be honest i could have stayed in northampton to spend the night in a manky pub watching drunks
40:33play darts but being down here with my favorite aunt made me feel hopeful somehow well what was the
40:40problem then nothing i just thought you might want to see him he is fantastic graham i hope you know
40:47how fantastic he is and i thought now that you're a football wife and all that chris that you could do
40:54the excuse of getting away from that boring chicha transfer window i need to throw myself out the
40:59bloody window i said that oh what are big sisters for ray oh where's gary gary oh there's two of them
41:12aren't there uh i reckon if i knuckle down i could play professionally for you from the gentleman what the
41:28little one yeah the frequency thank you my darling well at least they've had a good night
41:38i was nice to get out of northampton wasn't it you know change of scenery no i'm sorry london is
41:44overrated oh i know all right stop a man oh the imagination on him i think he's over tired oh me and
41:53all right take us back home back to northampton to northampton to northampton to northampton
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