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00:00Remember this? Remember the pressure?
00:05Zip it, Gabby Davis, you're talking over Sonya!
00:08Play and record. Together. Don't get the DJ in.
00:14Got it. That was close.
00:19Christine, I had to show you before the party. New raspberry range.
00:24They have never done colours like this before. Stunning.
00:28Do you mind door-to-door? Someone's desperate for commission.
00:31I'm not doing this for commission, Christine. I'm doing it for you.
00:33I've seen the inside of your fridge. Chicken drumsticks sat on the shelf
00:36without so much as a bit of cling round it.
00:38Why are you sniffling round my fridge like a truffle pig?
00:40Anyway, I've got plenty of Tupperware. Oh, pink?
00:43Raspberry range. About a 12-inch?
00:46Compartments. For dips.
00:49We need this.
00:51I was thinking of inviting Jez Saturday night.
00:53Bit of a welcome to the close.
00:55What's a bloke want with a Tupperware party, Christine?
00:57I just thought he seems quite... organised.
01:00Well, he might be, but this is a night for the girlies.
01:02I'm going.
01:03Just thought it might be nice to invite him.
01:05Christine, us ladies don't have much in this world, yeah?
01:08But these... these airtight stackable containers
01:11in an assortment of colour, shapes and sizes.
01:13These are ours, yeah.
01:15We're storing more than nibbles in there.
01:17We're storing love.
01:19Hopes and dreams. Planes and...
01:22Oh, God, it was just a thought.
01:24And anyway, he seems quite flush. He might have had a big order.
01:26Well, I'll pop round and show him now.
01:28But he's not coming Saturday. Ladies' night.
01:30And me?
01:31As I said.
01:32Oi! Dad's on the telly!
01:34Has a run of bad results affected the team's morale?
01:37Well, er...
01:38No-one wants to lose that many games in a season.
01:4122.
01:43But...
01:44Let's not forget we did well last season.
01:47We've got form.
01:48We've just got to find it again.
01:50How are the boys feeling?
01:51My boys know they have my unconditional support.
01:54We're just going to keep working.
01:55I think you've worked hard enough today.
01:57I'll let you get home.
01:58No need. There's nowhere I'd rather be.
02:00Oh, charming.
02:02Trolled by my dad and on regional TV.
02:05Right, love.
02:10Did you watch it?
02:12Look East.
02:13Yeah, I did.
02:14Oh, did I come across?
02:15Yeah, good.
02:16Really good.
02:18It's just...
02:20Sometimes, the way you talk about the players,
02:22you're boys, there's nowhere you'd rather be.
02:25Well, I think it upsets Alan a bit.
02:27What do you mean?
02:28Well, you've got two boys at home.
02:30Oh, give over. It's totally different.
02:32I just think you can make more of an effort.
02:34Especially with Alan.
02:35I'm always making an effort.
02:37I watched that detective woman cycling around with a typewriter.
02:42Murder, she wrote.
02:43I don't know what she was writing.
02:44But I watched a double bill last week for his birthday.
02:47His birthday's in June.
02:48Is it?
02:50Oh, that little...
02:51Graham!
02:52Christine, it's a two-way street.
02:54He doesn't bother with me, I don't bother with him.
02:56We're both happy with that.
02:57Florence Nightingale was not just a nurse.
03:06My own dad didn't want to spend time with me
03:08and Ange had called me a woman.
03:10But with double history, I could lose myself in ruffs and muffs.
03:14Helen, could you read Miss Nightingale's quote for us?
03:19The lady with the lamp.
03:21There she is.
03:25Isn't she just?
03:26Ugh, being camp's like having B.O.
03:29The more you flap your arms around, the worse it gets.
03:32I needed to mask it.
03:34And quick.
03:35Oh, how about I try a spritz of odour sport?
03:50Christine.
03:52Don't look now.
03:53But he's just picked up chute.
03:57He's reading chute.
03:59What is this, spring watch?
04:01I didn't tell him to, he just went for it all by himself.
04:04Should I go in and talk to him?
04:09Maybe just let him get his bearings first, yeah?
04:15No, no, no.
04:19Oh, Jeremy.
04:20Christine.
04:21Is there a chance that Alan's available tomorrow?
04:23Pip went over on her ankle,
04:24and we need someone for our country dancing event.
04:26I know it's last minute,
04:27but no one do-si-dos quite like Alan.
04:29Look, I don't think you'll have to ask him twice.
04:31Oh, that is music to my ears.
04:33Alan, Mr Butterworth's here.
04:35What's a word?
04:37There he is.
04:39My hero.
04:40You wouldn't step in last minute,
04:41give us a couple of square sets tomorrow.
04:43Is this the devil himself tempting me?
04:45I love country dancing!
04:46No.
04:48He's playing hard to get.
04:49Alan, go and get your Anki.
04:50I'm busy tomorrow.
04:51Since when?
04:52I'm going to watch The Cobblers with my dad.
04:54What?
04:55Are you?
04:56Oh, I...
04:57You'll have to try someone else.
04:58What about Felix?
04:59He loves country dancing,
05:00and he makes his own costumes.
05:02I tried, but he changed his name after the smear campaign.
05:05He's in a safe house in Rushton.
05:08Oh.
05:09Pop those plimsolls on for us.
05:11Look, Mr Butterworth.
05:12He said no.
05:13And he's going to watch the football with his old man like every other boy his age.
05:16And he can find some other clown.
05:17This time tomorrow I will be chanting on the terraces for my team against...
05:22in the clown again.
05:24Preston.
05:25Away.
05:26Preston away.
05:27Away?
05:28Yeah.
05:29Yeah.
05:30We're going to have to stay over.
05:31M6 on a Saturday.
05:32Forget it.
05:34But we're going to miss my tap away party.
05:37Right.
05:38Is everybody here?
05:39Yes.
05:40Great.
05:41That's it.
05:42It's not my back.
05:43Let's go.
05:44Oi, oi.
05:45Don't forget about little old me.
05:47What are you doing here?
05:48I'm getting on the party bus, son.
05:50It's not a party bus, it's a team bus.
05:52Christ's sake, Nick, this game's important.
05:54I got a free pass.
05:56The wife's in hospital for a week and I want to sample everything that...
06:00Where are we going?
06:01Preston.
06:03Away.
06:04And I want to sample everything that Preston away has to offer.
06:08Is that booze in that carrier?
06:10No.
06:11The lads need to focus.
06:13I promise you, Grey, you will not hear a peep out of me.
06:16Really?
06:17Right.
06:18Let's go.
06:19I've got three copies of Razzle and 200 Lambert and Butler, duty free.
06:24Who's with me?
06:25Read your book.
06:30Yay!
06:31Yay!
06:40This was it, quality time.
06:45Just me, my dad and all his other boys.
06:47His goalie, his strikers and those ones that hang around in the middle.
06:51It's the cobblers!
06:52Well, there's Northampton Town.
06:54Go on.
07:00Seeing my dad get abused reminded me of school,
07:03but he didn't have a kindly dinner lady to come to his aid.
07:08Come on, couvlers, come on, couvlers.
07:13Sit down, Adam.
07:14Sit down, Adam.
07:18Thanks for that.
07:22All right, come on.
07:25Showtime.
07:25Dragon car, you fuck.
07:32Right, leave the nipples out. I'll check the score.
07:35Ah, see facts.
07:37Come on, Northampton. Come on.
07:41Instant information.
07:42Well, if you were prepared to wait 15 minutes for the page to turn.
07:46Gary, you got me ashtray?
07:48And you better not be eating those crisps there for tonight.
07:52Well, come on, hurry up, quick.
07:55It's the next one.
08:02Come on, Northampton, you're stuck in.
08:04Come on!
08:08Dad.
08:10Yeah, let's just go home.
08:12We're not coming back from 3-0.
08:13You might as well let bargains be bargains.
08:16How do you grab your sponge?
08:17What are you talking about?
08:18Sit down, Adam.
08:20Right.
08:21Sudd this for a game of monkeys.
08:23I'll see you in the bar.
08:26Alfie!
08:28The left box on the yellow card.
08:30Get him in his face.
08:30Wind him up.
08:31Blime, you losers!
08:33Damn, Saddam.
08:34Oh, they've got another one.
08:44God, 4-0.
08:46He is not going to be happy.
08:48Oh, feels wrong having a party after that, doesn't it?
08:52Shall we cancel it?
08:54Do you think we should?
08:56Oh, but we've got all the stuff now.
08:59No.
08:59You know what?
09:01Your dad would want us to have a good time.
09:02He would.
09:03He'd say,
09:04You go and enjoy yourselves.
09:05Don't you worry about me.
09:08But if he asked, we cancelled it.
09:13Oh, that was awful.
09:16I've had it all booing.
09:18Man.
09:22Now I've got to spend a night in this dump.
09:28What is that?
09:32Portable potpourri.
09:33It's an essential.
09:34You never know when you might need to mask the smell of...
09:37feet.
09:40I need a beer.
09:41I will get my wallet then.
09:43No, no, no.
09:44No, you're all right.
09:44I'll get one with the lads.
09:47Well, I'm one of your lads tonight, aren't I?
09:50We're meant to be spending quality time together.
09:55Yeah, we are.
09:57We are.
09:57Right, so, I've prepared 20 questions.
10:01I thought we could fill it out together.
10:02Compare and contrast.
10:04So, question one.
10:05Oh, this is really long.
10:08But, er, no.
10:09No, you're right.
10:10It'll be good to, er, to catch up.
10:12You know, find out who your favourite female historical figure is.
10:17Er, I'll, er, I'll fill it in at the bar
10:20and, er, I'll see you down there.
10:24Yeah.
10:25All I needed was the love you gave.
10:30All I needed for another day.
10:35The perfect size for those on-the-go snacks.
10:45Gary, you're blocking my products, thank you.
10:47Handful of warm nuts in there.
10:48A few cubes of cheese.
10:50You could fit two quarters of a sandwich top to toe.
10:52No, you couldn't.
10:52Yes, you could.
10:54Ladies, you open a packet of hobnobs.
10:56But you only want one.
10:58Who has one?
10:59You can have a pack of stale hobnobs on your hands.
11:01Or are you?
11:03Simply decant those hobbody knobs into a medium-sized cup.
11:07Place the lid on like so.
11:09And they'll be keeping their crunch till Christmas.
11:11She's never getting a sandwich in there.
11:12I'll be your sandwiches, Marion.
11:13I'm talking about a bit of ham and lettuce, not a bloody rump steak.
11:15Anne, do you need to be on my puff for this?
11:17Smack finish on the lids, ladies.
11:18Have a feel of that, Christine.
11:19And you, Marion.
11:23Oh, that is smooth.
11:26Smooth, innit?
11:26Smooth, that.
11:27Right, question.
11:29No, you can't store wine in them.
11:32I've already got the ones with the red and the white lids.
11:34Yeah.
11:35What's the best deal you could do me for the blue?
11:37Now we're off, ladies.
11:38I know it sounds silly, but red, white and blue just makes me feel all patriotic.
11:41Do you know what, Christine?
11:43I do you two for one on the blue and I'll throw in a lemon squeezer.
11:45Have I got myself a deal?
11:49Deal.
11:50That is our first sale of the night, ladies.
11:53Oh, and you know what?
11:55Put me down for a round one.
11:56Because that would come around if I need to store something round, wouldn't it?
11:59Can you get your fingers out of that, please, Marion?
12:01You're making it all greasy.
12:02Do you know where that top would look good?
12:04Your bedroom floor.
12:05I've heard it.
12:05No, on a silky padded hanger.
12:08That's where I make my first meal.
12:11Silky padded hangers.
12:15Here's my card.
12:17You're a millionaire.
12:18What are you doing in this dump?
12:19I'm looking for a wife.
12:25I can see you're very excited to be the next Mrs. Chalmers.
12:29So I want you to hold on to that thought while I go and siphon the python.
12:33Ah, another round for the lads, please, love.
12:40And one for yourself.
12:41And some crisps.
12:43Not that they deserve it.
12:45Poor bloody Nell.
12:46Aw, don't be too hard on them.
12:49But it's not just pints you're pulling in here.
12:52They keep putting the crisps too low.
12:57I have to bend down to get them.
12:59I have told them to move them, but...
13:02I think they should keep them where they are.
13:05I'm phoning them.
13:06What?
13:07No!
13:07No!
13:08It's just a bit of banter.
13:10It's just...
13:11Why?
13:11No!
13:12She started it!
13:13No, I'm going to phone Mum, see how the party's going.
13:16Oh, great!
13:18That's great!
13:19I don't know if she's found anything for her milk, love.
13:22Sebacca to keep moist.
13:30You all right, Christine?
13:31Yeah, just...
13:33Just messing my Alan a bit.
13:35Where is he?
13:36Brownies.
13:37No, he's impressed him with his dad at the football.
13:39Staying overnight, they're not back till tomorrow.
13:41Well, Christine...
13:42Why didn't you say?
13:44Three words, ladies.
13:46P-I-P-A-D.
13:48Three words, you're outrageous!
13:50While the cat is aware, the mice will slip into something more comfortable.
13:56Check out the quality of that pussycat bird, I hear.
13:58Does it wash?
13:59Does it?
14:00It's 100% polyester, that.
14:02New one.
14:03Devil day!
14:04Oh!
14:05Very delicate cut.
14:06Gary!
14:07Bed!
14:08No, what about it?
14:10Show us that.
14:11Tell me everything.
14:20Who made the guest list?
14:21Oh, hello, love.
14:22You ain't missing a thing.
14:24Really boring.
14:25Proper damp squib.
14:27Sounds it.
14:29Oh, I wish I was there with you.
14:31Oh, I know, darling, I know.
14:33Listen, I saw the result on C-Fax.
14:35How is he?
14:37He's not himself.
14:39No.
14:39I bet he needs a cuddle.
14:40So that's what he needs.
14:42You know what?
14:42We're finishing up now, so...
14:44I'm going to give you a ring before I go to bed.
14:45Top up!
14:47Washer room number.
14:48Number?
14:49He's barely got a door.
14:50Never mind a number.
14:51All right, then, darling.
14:52All right, see you later.
14:54Bye, Mum.
14:56I could hear in her voice she'd bought that raspberry Tupperware range.
14:59Will that woman ever learn?
15:02Oi, oi!
15:03Watch this, boys.
15:06Fire in your holes!
15:08Boom!
15:10Because it was a grenade, wasn't it?
15:11Did you see it?
15:12I clocked it and out and out.
15:14Because instead of saying fire in the hole,
15:17I said fire in your holes.
15:19Like in the bum.
15:20Boom!
15:20Let's get the party started, eh?
15:22I've had a drink.
15:24Let's just go to bed.
15:25Oh, pipe down, Adam.
15:27You're spoiling the mood.
15:29I'll take him up to bed.
15:30Oh.
15:31Only if you tuck me in after.
15:34Oh, God, this is getting very unsavoury.
15:37If I play my cards right, Adam.
15:39If I play my cards right.
15:43I'm trying to run down here.
15:44Over your nipple, unless you're buying a piece.
15:46Oh, God!
15:48Oh, God!
15:48Oh, God!
15:49Oh, God!
15:49Oh, God!
15:50Oh, God!
15:54Shh!
15:55That's 16.
15:55All right, hang on.
16:05I look nice on you, Chris.
16:06We're just trying on some bits.
16:08Go on, Nigel. Take them with you.
16:12Bloody hell, Chris.
16:14Actually, Nigel, can I have them back?
16:16No.
16:17I told you, Nigel, no boys allowed!
16:20Well, it sounds like you need a man in there to keep your girls in check.
16:23Well, if you know of any big, strong boys... Oh, God.
16:26Maybe it's time to let the fox into the chicken coop.
16:30What?
16:31No, no. No, Nigel, we've got to go.
16:36We've got bin bag Diane, she's stuck in a corset and we've got to cut her out.
16:40OK, well, I was just checking in.
16:44Yeah, OK, I'm off.
16:48I can see your eyes through the letterbox, Nigel.
16:54Right, I'd like to buy a drink for the best footballers in the league.
16:59When they get here.
17:03Alan, is there an Alan? Alan Carr?
17:05Adam Carr.
17:06Yeah, I'm Alan.
17:08I'm Alan.
17:09I'm Alan.
17:10I'm Alan.
17:11I'm Alan.
17:12I'm Alan.
17:13I'm Alan.
17:14I'm Alan.
17:15Ma'am?
17:16Oh, no, he's borrowed me.
17:17It's not... it's not a witch's.
17:19Gary?
17:20I'm Alan. Gary.
17:21Daddy.
17:22I'm Alan, isn't it?
17:23What's all that noise? What's going on there?
17:25I'm drinking tinside, I'm a revanche.
17:27Hi!
17:28How are you doing that?
17:29Are you topping me?
17:31Help!
17:32You're locked a bit.
17:33Gary.
17:49We should have won, Alan.
17:50Alan.
17:51Look.
17:52You tried your best, and that crowd was harsh.
17:55Shh.
17:57You're not fair.
18:00Just a little bit chunky.
18:01Oh, fair's fair.
18:02You know, the fans pay their money.
18:04They see their team giving us a good kicking, they're going to want to celebrate.
18:07You know, you can't take it personally.
18:09I mean, you can't, but you... you do.
18:12It's funny.
18:14I've always wanted you to be a footballer.
18:17You know, but I'd hate for you to be called some of the names I get called.
18:23I mean, I can handle it.
18:24You know, I've got a thick skin, but you, you... you can't know.
18:28I get called names all the time in school.
18:41Oh.
18:45What is he doing?
18:47He's, er...
18:49He's showing her his padded hand.
18:52Oh.
18:57Dad?
18:58Yeah?
18:59What did that man say?
19:01What man?
19:02You know, at the football match when he got promoted.
19:04I know it's over a year ago, but I've always wanted to ask.
19:08What did he say?
19:10Well...
19:12You know, there's a...
19:13There's a lot of people at a football game.
19:16Alan.
19:17Can't remember them all.
19:18No, but you punched him.
19:20I saw you, we scored, and then you punched him.
19:25What did he say that was so bad?
19:27Was it...
19:29Was it something about me?
19:32I don't remember, son.
19:33Get some sleep.
19:43Yeah, I do remember him.
19:46That man.
19:47You know, I shouldn't have punched him.
19:50I know that, but...
19:53What he said, um...
19:57Couldn't have it.
20:00Alan, I couldn't have him talking about you like that.
20:04Saying you were a...
20:10I can't even say it.
20:11At least my son's not gay.
20:13Sticks in my throat.
20:20Are you turning your romance off, do you?
20:23I wanted to apologise, which is...
20:26gnawing feet.
20:28What did you say?
20:29Feet?
20:30Yeah, it does smell like feet.
20:31It's like sleeping in a moccasin.
20:34Good night, son.
20:39Good night, Dad.
20:40Good night, Dad.
20:41Sweet dreams, kiddo.
20:42Good night, Dad.
20:43Sweet dreams, kiddo.
20:49Nothing united the UK more than a telephone.
20:53Everyone mucking in, trying to raise money for the less fortunate
20:57by humiliating yourself in front of your neighbours.
21:00Even celebrities came down from their ivory towers
21:03to show us they were just like us.
21:05Telephones were brilliant, but completely bonkers.
21:09Oh, love, drop this in to Mary. She's knitting a blanket for Africa.
21:12That has to be massive.
21:15Mum!
21:16Yes, I'm here.
21:17What took you so long?
21:19Right, here.
21:21Hello.
21:22That's not going to touch the sides.
21:25Alan, I bought every tin they had. I didn't know you'd need this many.
21:28I need photographic evidence.
21:30No-one is going to care. You're in a bath of beans.
21:32I'm supposed to be up to me neck.
21:34Poor kids could be eating these. You'd be better off donating them.
21:37Well, I can't now, can I?
21:38This is disgusting, Alan.
21:40Oh!
21:41Both of you, down the winds at the same time.
21:43Sign that.
21:44What?
21:45Sign that.
21:47It's for charity, for the telethon.
21:49Geoff Capes is doing a raffle for Anglia TV.
21:52It's going to get spicy.
21:53Here, get Banjo to sign it and all.
21:55Quick, quick.
21:56You ever held a pen before?
21:58Sick, good boy.
21:59No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
22:02No-one wants you on the ball.
22:04Oh, no, they'll want the manager, sure.
22:06No-one cares about the manager, Grey.
22:08Why are you signing it?
22:10I'm just ejecting a bit of personality, aren't I?
22:13Give that to Wingnut when he's off the bogs.
22:15Cheers, Grey.
22:16Cheers, Grey.
22:22I'd want you on my ball gaff.
22:25Ah, thanks, Alfie.
22:27Oh, and you ain't got a few tins of beans if you were in a right state.
22:32I didn't know things were that bad.
22:35If your cupboards are bare, you can always send the boys to me for a feed.
22:39We'll say nothing of it.
22:40Me casserole is too casserole.
22:42Oh, for God's sake.
22:43We're just doing a bath of beans for charity.
22:44Well, we're trying.
22:45We're about 20 tins short.
22:46That's why we're in.
22:47Charlie's doing a camp out Saturday.
22:48Yeah.
22:49Nigel's digging a fire pit as we speak.
22:51Careful you don't fall in.
22:52Just whatever you can afford.
22:54Charlie's raised £78 so far.
22:56Yeah, 30 quidder.
22:57That's from you.
22:58He's having a camp out.
22:59Load of mates coming round for the telethon.
23:01Oh, which mates?
23:02Michael Godgen.
23:03Bradley.
23:04Who else?
23:05Jake.
23:07Jake!
23:08Maybe Alan could camp out instead of the beans.
23:10Oh, well, that's very...
23:12You'd like that, wouldn't you, with the boys?
23:14Oh, no.
23:15I thought we'd surely.
23:16He's done enough for charity already.
23:18No, no, I meant maybe Graeme could put a tent up in your garden.
23:21If he's got time.
23:22Of course he has.
23:23Yeah, we might do that.
23:25No, no, no, no, we will not.
23:27I'm watching the telethon.
23:28Oh, and Kay's staying over.
23:30Pristine.
23:31I'd never let Charlie have a girl stay over.
23:33That flies round muck.
23:34Well, Alan and Kay are very sensible.
23:36Well, I suppose it's easy to trust them when they look like that.
23:39Alan respects girls, Ange.
23:40They learn from their fathers, don't they?
23:42Right.
23:43Come on, Alan.
23:44Let's dig that tent out.
23:45It'll be an adventure.
23:46So, the sleepover.
23:47Sure you don't want me to bring anything?
23:49No, just yourself.
23:51I'll put out some light bites.
23:53And are you sure you're all right sleeping outside?
23:55It's a tent, Alan, not a kennel.
23:57So, I will have to ask my mum, but I'm sure you can.
24:20I'd love tea.
24:21Not.
24:22Rather sleep in a bin.
24:23My God.
24:24You did give me a no.
24:25She gave me a no.
24:26Why would I want to hang out with them two?
24:27You literally asked them if you could go, you idiot.
24:28Yeah.
24:29I'm the knob.
24:30They've got eight eyes between them.
24:31Well, they can see you're an idiot, then.
24:32Er, settle down, please.
24:33Ignore her.
24:34I always do.
24:35I think it sounds like a laugh, Alan.
24:36I love it.
24:37I love it.
24:38I love it.
24:39I love it.
24:40I love it.
24:41I love it.
24:42I love it.
24:43I love it.
24:44I love it.
24:45I love it.
24:46I love it.
24:47I love it.
24:48I think it sounds like a laugh, Alan.
24:50I love a light bite.
24:51I'd go.
24:52Er, settle down.
24:53Had all the girls in the class sipped on a love potion?
24:57I was irresistible.
24:59Right.
25:00Er, no.
25:02You forget, don't you, when you haven't done it for a bit.
25:06It'll all come back.
25:07You'll see.
25:08Ah, dib-dib-dab and all that.
25:10Let me read that.
25:11Ah, I don't, er...
25:13Don't need that.
25:15My dad could build an 11-man, goal-scoring, league-winning team from scratch.
25:21A two-man tent?
25:22Forget it.
25:30Tom's come to help, and he's bought his flash tent.
25:32All right.
25:33Heard you're over the edge, flapping about.
25:35God, you must think we're incapable.
25:37We?
25:38No, I can, er...
25:40I can do it.
25:41I've just been destructed thinking about the game.
25:43Yeah, yeah, look, you do what you need to do.
25:45It's fine.
25:46Right, let's get this up.
25:47Oh, all right.
25:48Right.
25:49Thank you for coming over.
25:52Right.
25:53I mean, I can do it.
25:56Er...
25:59Yeah.
26:00Bye.
26:02See ya!
26:03It's a proper tent.
26:04Yeah, it is.
26:05Very nice.
26:06It's a palace.
26:07I said to him, make him suffer a bit.
26:09Oh, they will.
26:10It gets freezing in the early hours.
26:12I mean, we really have to snuggle up.
26:16Do you, erm...
26:17Do you camp out a lot then?
26:19Yeah.
26:20Yeah, we do.
26:25It's not always easy...
26:27booking things, holidays, when you're...
26:31when you're a bus.
26:32No.
26:33No.
26:34Look, I didn't like to assume.
26:37Christine, I was blaring Nana Muscuri White Rose of Athens at full blast this morning.
26:42The signs were all there.
26:45I think I can get used to this.
26:54Wish we had a telly in here.
26:57Imagine a little telly that you could carry around with you.
27:00Not everyone's obsessed with telly, Alan.
27:02Oh, but they would be if they had one of those.
27:03Nothing else would get done.
27:07I wonder how the boys over the road are doing.
27:12Lucky they got Jake.
27:13He's very outdoorsy, isn't he?
27:15He doesn't even wear a coat during winter, just his burgundy fleece.
27:18I think he and his brother's Adventure Scout's growing up.
27:23He could probably rub two stones together to make a fire.
27:26He is very dexterous.
27:28Isn't he?
27:30So dexterous it makes you sick.
27:33Bet you wish it was him in here right now, don't you?
27:35Not really.
27:37Do you?
27:38Alan!
27:39Your friend's here.
27:40Georgie!
27:42Did you invite Georgie?
27:43No.
27:45I'd like to stroke your back.
27:47I'll have a light bite.
27:51Oh, my God, she fancies me.
27:55Oh, hello.
27:56Just wanted to see how you were after the other day.
27:58Oh, what happened the other day?
27:59Nothing.
28:00I just felt a bit sick.
28:01Oh.
28:03How lovely of you to check in.
28:06Yeah.
28:08Thanks.
28:10What was Georgie doing here?
28:11I could only fit so many girls in me tent.
28:13Was there anything else?
28:17Would you like a drink?
28:18No, liquids for me.
28:20I don't want to end up weeing in the bird bath.
28:22Yes, well, the girls might like one.
28:23Something fizzy?
28:24Oh, yeah, that would be great.
28:25Oh, thanks.
28:26You pop in, love.
28:28Right, out we get. Come on.
28:29She's made an effort.
28:30She's very slick.
28:31Come on.
28:32Your host for the next 37 Hours by Paul Hasmore.
28:33Thank you very much.
28:34It's not a bad start.
28:35Welcome to Telecom.
28:3627 hours of life.
28:37Hair up, hair down, scrunchy off.
28:38Make your mind up, love.
28:39Then it hit me.
28:40She was flirting.
28:42Your host for the next 37 hours, my hall has more.
28:49Thank you very much. Not a bad start.
28:52Welcome to Telecom.
28:5327 hours of life.
28:58Hair up, hair down, scrunchie off.
29:00Make your mind up, love.
29:02Then it hit me.
29:03She was flirting.
29:05God, is that Lionel Blair with her moustache?
29:08Watching the whole thing.
29:10Yes.
29:11Lisa Goddard's about to upsell down the BT Tower.
29:13It's 27 hours of pure magic, Georgie.
29:18Charlie Hudson lives near you, doesn't he?
29:20Yeah, just across the road.
29:21Boys are all camping at his tonight.
29:23Jake and them.
29:24Oh, I know. We're all at it.
29:27Maz was going to go too, but Charlie's mum said,
29:30can't trust a girl near a sleeping bag.
29:36We should bring in Margaret a celeb.
29:40Oh, five, three, two, faulty grey, eleven, faulty grey.
29:50OK, let's go.
29:52Now we go to Southampton, TVS, Fern Britton and Fred Dynage.
29:56Hello, folks.
29:56It's ringing.
29:58Alan's great, isn't he?
30:00Yeah, he's great.
30:01He is great, yeah.
30:03They're ringing.
30:03Charlie said they were going to do a Ouija board.
30:06You shouldn't do them outdoors.
30:08The weather throws the results off.
30:09I think they were just mucking about.
30:11You don't muck about with the astral plane.
30:13I'm through!
30:14Oh, no, it's still ringing.
30:15Have you ever done one?
30:16Why are you here?
30:18To see Alan.
30:18You never normally bother with Alan.
30:20Me and my sister did one.
30:21We got this woman.
30:23She'd been murdered by her neighbour.
30:24Hit her over the head with a frying pan.
30:26She's spelt out F-R.
30:30What I can spell frying pan, thanks?
30:34She said he's still out there somewhere.
30:37He'll kill again.
30:39Evening, old!
30:41Ah!
30:47Welcome back.
30:49Fancy a little nightcap?
30:51Um, yeah.
30:53Yeah, um, just a minute.
30:56Sorry, love.
30:57Nick's here to see your dad.
30:58You're going to have to go upstairs.
30:59Oh, really?
31:02Alan's been having a...
31:03pyjama.
31:04Sleepover thing.
31:06We're giving him a bit of space.
31:07Fair play, mate.
31:09You crack on.
31:11Don Julio.
31:13Naughty dog, isn't he?
31:15Shall we?
31:19Beautiful home.
31:21Lovely to finally meet you, Chrissie.
31:23It's Christine.
31:24Here, do us a favour.
31:26Crack this open for us, will you?
31:27Oh!
31:29Oh!
31:29Hey!
31:30Only joking.
31:33Safe hands on your keeper.
31:34Yeah, Vince.
31:35You should probably learn his name.
31:37Ah, sod that.
31:38Ain't learning all them names.
31:40They won't last.
31:42Oh!
31:43Speaking of which,
31:45you might want to have a sit-down.
31:46I am certain.
31:47You might want to have a lie-down, then.
31:50Right, I'll get the glasses.
31:50I'll get the glasses.
31:53Redhead.
31:54Very nice.
31:56Always been partial to a redhead.
31:58I've settled on a blonde for now,
31:59but I truly believe men should experience every colour of the rainbow.
32:04Bugger me!
32:06When'd Lionel Blair get its hash?
32:08If you thought it was tense downstairs.
32:15Have you seen Goldsbo?
32:18No.
32:18No.
32:18I know what we could do.
32:25You did what?
32:26I sold him.
32:28He's gone.
32:29Out the door.
32:30He wanted to say bye to you,
32:32but I know how emotional you get about these things, Gray,
32:34and I couldn't put the poor bugger through it.
32:36He's just a kid.
32:37He's 28.
32:38Yeah, whatever.
32:39The point is...
32:4028?
32:41Bloody hell!
32:42He's getting on a bit.
32:43I did you a favour there.
32:45Take him out back and shoot him.
32:46Never mind sell him.
32:47I signed him on his 18th birthday.
32:49It's took 10 years,
32:50but he's there now.
32:52He's solid.
32:52Apparently so.
32:54Silly bastard paid 15k for him.
32:57See, but this is what I'm talking about, Gray.
32:59I signed him on his 18th birthday.
33:01You're too attached.
33:02I'm not attached,
33:03but you consult me before selling my strongest defender.
33:06We discuss these things.
33:08Discuss it?
33:08What for?
33:09You'd say tomato.
33:11I'd say tomato.
33:12But I don't want to call the whole thing off, Gray,
33:14because we're barely getting started, son.
33:16We need him.
33:17We need cash.
33:19We need lots of cash, Graham.
33:21And fast.
33:22Right, here we go.
33:27Up the cobblers.
33:32Georgie, there's a toilet up here.
33:35Something told me Georgie wasn't after a midnight snack.
33:39It's a bit of fresh air.
33:42Yeah, I mean, we could just sit in the garden for a little bit.
33:46Who lives there?
33:47Well, Tom and Jess sometimes, I think.
33:50Two blokes?
33:51What?
33:52Are they brothers?
33:52No, they're not brothers.
33:53They're friends.
33:54Sounds well gay.
33:54Dare ya?
33:55Oh.
33:55This is tedious.
33:55We just sat watching a woman for all of us.
33:56We just sat watching a woman for all of us.
33:57It's a bit of fresh air.
33:58Yeah, I mean, we could just sit in the garden for a little bit.
34:02Who lives there?
34:03Who lives there?
34:04Well, well, Tom and Jess sometimes, I think.
34:07Two blokes?
34:08What?
34:09Are they brothers?
34:10No, they're not brothers.
34:11They're...
34:12friends.
34:14Sounds well gay.
34:16Dare ya?
34:17Oh.
34:22This is tedious.
34:24We just sat watching a woman put a harness on for ten minutes.
34:27That woman is one of the great comic minds of our time.
34:29Have you seen Give Us A Clue?
34:30Egg it.
34:31Go on.
34:32Egg the door.
34:33It's not how it works.
34:34I don't do.
34:35How about no one eggs the door?
34:37Watch this.
34:41See?
34:42Easy.
34:43What's the problem?
34:44You mates with these benders or something?
34:52Good shot.
34:53Cat does so much egg in an egg.
34:55Which one's Charlie's house?
34:56The one on the corner.
34:58Be back in a minute.
35:03She's not coming back, is she?
35:04No.
35:05Let's go back in.
35:06We don't want to miss Des O'Connor.
35:08Uh-huh.
35:09How capin' that, Hannah?
35:10Say hello to Jake.
35:11How capin' that, Hannah?
35:12Say hello to Jake.
35:13How capin' that, Hannah?
35:14Say hello to Jake.
35:15How capin' that, Hannah?
35:16Well...
35:17Are you in there?
35:24Oh, Georgie.
35:25There you go, big Four Legions by...
35:28Are you in there?
35:30Shh! Get in!
35:32Ooh!
35:33Hi! Hi! Hello!
35:36Jake. Good timing.
35:38Drink?
35:40Yeah, go on, then.
35:42I'd watched enough Jilly Gordon on food and drink
35:45to know which face to pull neck in spirits.
35:48Limit your reaction to just one eyelid.
35:50A manly sigh at the end.
35:52Do not cough.
35:54Oh.
35:56Oh, that's on your chest, that.
35:58We're playing Never Have I Ever.
36:00Oh, God.
36:01Let's do something else, eh?
36:02Oh, Georgie's turn. Go on.
36:04Hmm.
36:06Never Have I Ever.
36:08Done fourth base.
36:10I knew what first base was,
36:12but beyond that, I had no idea.
36:14First base, fourth base.
36:16How many bases does a woman have?
36:18I'm sure Alan can help you, Georgie.
36:20Don't worry, Al. It's just a game, innit?
36:22Yeah, well, you'll know who you've got your eye on.
36:24Oh, shut it, Bradley.
36:26Leave Alan alone.
36:27I'm bored of this now. Come on.
36:31How was your tent?
36:33It was something quite liberating.
36:35I'd love to live in a tent, me.
36:37Waking up to that zip coming down every morning.
36:39It would make me smile.
36:40That sounds good to me.
36:42Never change, Alan.
36:43Hello, happy camper.
36:45I'm gonna hide a few pepperamis around the garden.
36:47Couple of Twixies.
36:49You can sniff them out like little badgers.
36:51We've got stuff in here.
36:52Yeah, but you want the full wilderness experience, don't you?
36:55Can you just get lost, Mum?
36:57Ooh.
36:58Someone's getting the grumpy ones.
37:00All right, my angel.
37:01Ooh.
37:02Little clue for you.
37:04Flower pot.
37:06That's all I'm saying.
37:07Thanks, Ange.
37:08Hey.
37:09Hey, Pete.
37:10Come on, Chris.
37:11Sorry, Nigel.
37:12Are you Chris things, mate?
37:13I'm in Charlie's class.
37:14Oh, the little elderly girl.
37:15Right.
37:16Out you get.
37:17Excuse me.
37:18We've got a couple of stowaways.
37:19Alan, you've left poor Kay on her own.
37:20Out.
37:21Alan, he's not in there.
37:22I mean, he might not be.
37:23Christine, you were having some sort of episode.
37:24Georgie came round house to see Alan, but obviously got other ideas when she heard there was a
37:26time.
37:27Oh, the little elderly girl.
37:28Oh, the little elderly girl.
37:29Right.
37:30Out you get.
37:31Excuse me.
37:32We've got a couple of stowaways.
37:33Alan, you've left poor Kay on her own.
37:34Out.
37:35Alan, he's not in there.
37:36I mean, he might not be.
37:38Christine, you were having some sort of episode.
37:39Georgie came round house to see Alan, but obviously got other ideas when she heard there was
37:40a tent full of boys across the road.
37:41Excuse me.
37:42Nigel, do something.
37:43Christine, come on, sweetheart.
37:44Don't.
37:45Well, hi, Mum.
37:46What's that?
37:47Give me that.
37:48Right.
37:49All of you, out.
37:50Now.
37:51Come on.
37:52Come on.
37:53Oh.
37:54Oh.
37:55Oh.
37:56Oh.
37:57Oh.
37:58Oh.
37:59Oh.
38:00Oh.
38:01Oh.
38:02Oh.
38:03Oh.
38:04Oh.
38:05Oh.
38:06Oh.
38:07Oh.
38:08Oh.
38:09Oh.
38:10Oh.
38:11Oh.
38:12Oh.
38:13Oh.
38:14Oh.
38:15Oh, come on.
38:16Georgie, I can see your top not poking through the sleeping bag.
38:19They've been drinking.
38:22It weren't me.
38:23Yeah, you only gave us a fag.
38:25Oh, Radley, stop talking.
38:26It was me.
38:27I brought it.
38:28Sorry.
38:29I can't believe this.
38:30You have no idea what's going on in your back garden.
38:32You've got kids in a...
38:34Did Alan put you up to this, my darling?
38:39Of course he didn't.
38:40Because I know he was gagging to get in that tent.
38:42Right.
38:43Alan, we're off.
38:44And you, Georgie.
38:45Get your stuff from ours.
38:47I thought you said you could trust him.
38:49You don't even know what's going on in your own back garden.
38:52State of it.
38:53What?
38:54What was that?
38:55Christine.
38:56Don't you walk away from me.
38:57Christine, I know you can hear me.
38:58You've got a bloody cheek.
38:59At least I'm not losing other people's children.
39:00That's the first friend he's had round it.
39:01She's a rat out the cage.
39:02Oh, yeah.
39:03You'd love to show off about your Charlie's mates
39:04because you haven't got any of your own.
39:05I'll remember that next time you come begging for food.
39:07Whoa.
39:08Calm down a bit.
39:09No, no, no, no.
39:10You crack on, girls.
39:11This is lovely stuff.
39:12They always like this.
39:13Yes.
39:14No.
39:15Oh, yeah, yeah.
39:16Once I get going, they're like wildcats.
39:17No biting, please, girls.
39:18No, I won't keep quiet.
39:19I'm fed up of it.
39:20We need to find out how to do this.
39:21Boys?
39:22Is everything all right?
39:23Someone's throwing eggs at our front door.
39:24We just sat down to watch the Golden Girls and then...
39:25Whap.
39:26God, that's awful.
39:27I'm so sorry.
39:28Do you reckon it was kids?
39:29Well, either that or a chicken fired one out mid-flight.
39:31Jez, it's not funny.
39:32You know, we had a lot of this sort of thing in the old place.
39:33Yeah.
39:34Just can't seem to leave us alone.
39:35No.
39:36Oh, my God.
39:37Are you there?
39:38What?
39:39No.
39:40No, no, no.
39:41I was talking to you about carburettors earlier.
39:42He said he supported Dagenham Rovers.
39:43Oh, I'm sorry.
39:44No.
39:45No, no.
39:46I was talking to you about carburettors earlier.
39:47He said he supported Dagenham Rovers.
39:48Oh, I'm sorry.
39:49No.
39:50No.
39:51No.
39:52No.
39:53No.
39:54No.
39:55No.
39:56No.
39:57I was talking to you about carburettors earlier.
39:58He said he supported Dagenham Rovers.
40:00Oh, I'm sorry, Nigel.
40:01Which team should have put support?
40:03Arsenal?
40:04No.
40:05No.
40:06What?
40:07You've...
40:08You've done this on purpose.
40:09You've...
40:10You've been leading me on.
40:12Sorry, Nigel.
40:13You're really not a type at all.
40:15My God, it's spreading up the street.
40:17First your house, now theirs.
40:18I'm going to wake up like Nabaretto Lover.
40:20Can we just stop?
40:21Please.
40:22I'll do it.
40:23I'll clean it up.
40:24It's... it's fine.
40:25It's nearly done anyway now, so...
40:26But thank you.
40:27Well, look, come in for a cuppa.
40:28I insist.
40:29As long as you're sure.
40:30Ah...
40:31Yeah, yeah.
40:32It's Christine's friend.
40:33And you both of you can...
40:35With the both of...
40:36I'm...
40:37I'm going to put the kettle on.
40:38Come on.
40:39Why are you being rude?
40:40Well, we will not be coming.
40:41Good.
40:42You weren't invited.
40:43I'm excited.
40:44Oh, I am...
40:45What is a well coming to?
40:47How does he know?
40:48How does he know?
40:49How does he know?
40:50How does he know about her?
40:51How does he know about her?
40:52How does he know about her?
40:53Oh, anyway, no.
40:55Thank you very much.
40:56There was me thinking sitting in a bar full of cold baked beans was humiliating, but seeing
41:09him putting his arm round her and walking off, well, me toes curled and me stomach churned.
41:19There's plenty more fish in the sea, love.
41:21No, no, there aren't. That was my fish, and they were...
41:26Oh, love.
41:27They're holding hands.
41:32I really felt that I had a chance.
41:35She just wasn't the one, darling.
41:42Night, Chrissie.
41:46I wasn't talking about Georgie.
41:49I know.
41:51I've known for ages.
41:55Night, Adam.
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