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00:00Okay, I'll admit it, I had raised a few eyebrows as a child.
00:06My quirks hadn't exactly gone under the radar.
00:08See you later, Landon.
00:10I was basically a box of broken biscuits, but I enjoyed being on the wonky side.
00:17Until...
00:181989.
00:20I'd grown a foot, dropped two octaves, and unbeknownst to me, was heading into a new era.
00:26A saucy one.
00:28So this was it.
00:29It was happening to little old me, of all people.
00:32Lust.
00:33Desire.
00:34Passion.
00:37Boobies.
00:38My libido had gone full throttle, so I loved popping into Athena.
00:43It was like woolies for perverts.
00:48All right, I thought women were a bit like olives.
00:51They'd turn your stomach at first, but if you persevere, you'd learn to love them.
00:55Oh, who was I kidding?
01:01I was there for Jake.
01:03Who needs a tennis player itching her bum when the cutest boy in school is tugging at your heartstrings?
01:09You there in the midnight hour, I can feel your power.
01:14Just...
01:14Oh, hello.
01:16You here again?
01:17It's a Saturday job.
01:19I've got to be here every Saturday.
01:21Er, I was just wondering, have you got that poster with that lady on the motorbike?
01:25Not yet.
01:26Cracking photo, though.
01:27Suzuki Katana.
01:28Well, I don't know her name, but lovely bike.
01:31Do you roll them, or do they come ready rolled in a plastic shave?
01:35Ready rolled.
01:37Hmm.
01:37Me and Mum love Cindy Lowell, huh?
01:43It's £3.80.
01:45Hmm?
01:46£3.80.
01:47Oh.
01:52Keep the change.
01:56Oh, yeah, absolutely.
01:58Love a life about me.
01:59You do not want to be lost at sea without one of those boys.
02:02No, sorry.
02:03You're funny.
02:05Oh.
02:05See you Monday, then.
02:11Oh, God, I nearly ran off with this cane ring.
02:14Keep it.
02:16What?
02:16They won't even notice if you want it.
02:19Keep it.
02:25Oh.
02:26Oh, God.
02:26Bye.
02:29Oh, that's gonna kill me.
02:32My dad was riding high and also looking for a man.
02:35Not like that.
02:36A midfielder.
02:37Graham!
02:39Hey, shush, shush, shush.
02:40He's on telly.
02:41Yep.
02:41Manager of the month again.
02:43You're gonna have a drink problem at this rate.
02:44Yeah, yeah, uh, chuff to vets.
02:46Um, we're obviously doing something right.
02:49Any transfers on the horizon?
02:51Anyone caught your eye?
02:52Uh, they have.
02:53I'm just, uh, waiting for this one to open his checkbook.
02:56Oh, oh, yeah.
02:58It's open.
02:59It's, my, my pen is polished.
03:01Ah, it better be, because I need a midfielder shop-ish.
03:03Now, don't, don't put that on, on, on the TV.
03:05No, no.
03:06Yeah.
03:07I mean, do we do that photo?
03:08Come on.
03:10Come here.
03:10Right.
03:11Right, guys.
03:12Come on, lads.
03:13Come on!
03:16Come on, lads.
03:16It's bloody whiskey, not champagne, you idiot.
03:20Don't, lads.
03:21Ah, bruh.
03:29Ah, bruh.
03:31Woo-hoo.
03:35Ha.
03:35Ha.
03:43Hee-hee.
03:44I'm selling that.
03:46Now, you're not.
03:48Woo-hoo.
03:52Oh, was it?
03:54Yeah, great.
03:55Call me flipper.
03:56Ha, ha, ha.
03:57Mr. Corp!
03:59Miss Pearson's waving at you.
04:01Now, she's not.
04:02Off you go.
04:03Mr. Corp!
04:03Paint your foot down.
04:04Down, down, down.
04:06Glad I caught you.
04:08Miss Pearson.
04:09Dad loved sporty women.
04:11He only ever looked at a cleavage to see if there was a stopwatch there.
04:14Is everything all right?
04:15I don't know.
04:16Is it?
04:17Oh, no.
04:19This is Graham's.
04:20He won it.
04:21It's, er, manager of the month.
04:24Er, er, award.
04:26Well, all right, er, congratulations.
04:28They're not wrong.
04:29Thank you very much.
04:30That's, that's very, that's very kind of you.
04:33Are you all right, Alan?
04:34Yep.
04:35He had a great time by all accounts.
04:37Oh, did he?
04:38Well, I don't know where, because he never turned up for his swimming lesson.
04:40You what?
04:41What happens?
04:42If it happens again, I'll have to give his place away.
04:44It won't.
04:45I'll throw him in myself.
04:46I am so sorry, Miss Pearson.
04:51Good stride.
04:51Where the bloody hell were you?
04:55I had a dicky tan.
04:58Not funny, Gavin.
04:59You smell lemonade?
05:03We all know I'm no fan of P.E.
05:06Cry it out, lull.
05:07Get on with it.
05:08But when Jake was doing the picking, everything seemed bearable.
05:12Even team sports.
05:13All right.
05:15Alan.
05:15Me.
05:16He picked me.
05:17I would have picked Sam and myself.
05:21I won't let you down.
05:26Go get it.
05:28Let's do it.
05:31All right, Scrummage.
05:32Come on.
05:38So, how was the rest of your weekend?
05:40We saw each other Saturday.
05:42What?
05:43He just came to the shop.
05:44What?
05:45Oh, it's a modern art.
05:46Oh, and a key rent.
05:47Well, I didn't have to buy the key rent,
05:49cos Jake gave it to me.
05:51Gratis.
05:51You giving him free stuff?
05:53Yeah.
05:54Yes, you did.
05:55You're buying him presents, Jake.
05:57It's not a big deal.
05:58I just said, you know, like,
05:59the boss never cares.
06:00Oh, my God, you're flirting with Alan.
06:02Oh, shut up.
06:03He probably fancies you.
06:04No, I don't.
06:05Who's looking at tits?
06:06You know the posters.
06:08No, I'm not a caveman.
06:11I don't just look at the tits,
06:12I look at the whole lady.
06:14Sure, sure.
06:15Who do you fancy, then?
06:16Yeah, come on, Alan.
06:17Who's the unlucky lady?
06:21Why is this taking so long?
06:23Yeah, come on, Alan.
06:24Georgie.
06:24Oh, Georgie.
06:26What do you like about her?
06:27Her name,
06:28cos it sounded like her boys.
06:30Well, she's...
06:31formidable.
06:33Well, you, buddy,
06:34should ask her out.
06:35Yeah, ask her out.
06:36Why not?
06:38I'm coming for you.
06:42Lucky old Georgie.
06:44What are you doing?
06:45Comparing purses?
06:46Come on, crack on, lads.
06:48Come on.
06:49So when are you asking her out, Alan?
06:50Yeah, on your leg.
06:52Cat, what are you staring at?
06:53Come on, Alan.
06:54Saturday meant another swimming lesson,
07:04and after a fiena gait,
07:05my mum was watching me like a hawk.
07:07Right, I want to see you back here in an hour.
07:09Right, go on.
07:09I want to see you coming.
07:11Come on.
07:13Go on.
07:15Have fun.
07:16Don't trust him.
07:24Where's your trunks?
07:26I didn't bring them.
07:27I'm coming for you.
07:28You can come for me.
07:34You're wearing the...
07:36Look at how we'll care like if I don't.
07:38Right, not when you're done.
07:40I'm starving.
07:41I don't know what was more humiliating,
07:47being forced to do a swimming lesson
07:49because your dad fancied the teacher
07:50or that your classmates were six.
07:58Hang in, bro.
08:00Hand me.
08:01Right, everybody in.
08:03I mean, I'll smash a bottle of champers on me.
08:16Good start, Alan,
08:17but you're flapping needlessly.
08:19Your feet can't touch the bottom.
08:20Stop splashing.
08:21You're scaring the others.
08:23Just swim.
08:24It's not that hard.
08:25The only thing tighter than my swim cap
08:28was Ron's wallet.
08:29The cobblers needed a midfielder fast
08:31and he was treading water.
08:34Yes.
08:36Yeah.
08:37Well, let me have a few chats this evening, OK?
08:40Hang on, Martin.
08:42Paperwork for Bodley.
08:44Sale done.
08:44That's 19k in our pocket.
08:46Up the offer for Thomas.
08:47Well, we can't offer the full 19.
08:49I mean,
08:50got to hold the bit back, Graham.
08:52I've got gaps to plug.
08:54Gaps to plug?
08:54I've got a gaping hole in midfield.
08:56Yeah, but 19k, we can't.
08:58Oh, trust me, Ron,
08:58he's worth every penny of it.
09:01Oh, we need this.
09:03I heard he's got dodgy knees.
09:05Big time.
09:06Hear him click from the stands.
09:08Look.
09:09Sorry, Martin.
09:11Yeah.
09:12Yeah, we'd like to offer...
09:1319k.
09:22Black coffee, please.
09:25Sorry, I'm Graham Carr's wife.
09:28Oh, yeah.
09:29Yes, I am.
09:30I've seen you in the papers.
09:32It's amazing.
09:33He's amazing.
09:35Yeah, thank you.
09:36I've had a good run of it,
09:37haven't we?
09:38He's at the ground now.
09:40Big day.
09:42Buying.
09:43Selling.
09:45Transferring this,
09:45transferring that.
09:47Buying.
09:48Bits and bobs.
09:49Yeah, big.
09:50Big.
09:51There's a lot of buying and selling
09:52going on.
09:53I couldn't get your autograph,
09:56could I?
09:57Oh, God, no.
10:00Really?
10:01Oh, you don't want mine.
10:04Who should I make it out to?
10:05Wendy.
10:06She just did her usual signature,
10:11but from that point on,
10:12she took to making the A of car
10:14into a little football.
10:16That's a little football.
10:18Thank you, Wendy.
10:22£1.30, please.
10:26Little biscuit.
10:31I'm sorry, what was your name?
10:33Becky.
10:34Thank you, Becky.
10:36Frothy coffee, please.
10:56Oh, they should have called by now.
10:58Oh, it's a yes, surely.
10:5919k?
11:00Fancy a tea?
11:01Oh, fancy a tea.
11:04Joy!
11:04Joy!
11:06Joy!
11:07Joy!
11:08Joy!
11:12Joy!
11:16Hello, stranger.
11:17Hello, stranger.
11:26Oh, you've got your mighty angel to get you a napkin.
11:29Sorry, she's had a little spillage.
11:31Oh, shades are too big for your face.
11:33Another one?
11:34No, I'll go.
11:36They, um, sort of know me, eh?
11:39Oh, regular haunt, is it?
11:41No, they recognise me.
11:43Because of Graham, all the press nonsense.
11:45I'm still getting used to it.
11:48All right.
11:49I'm not going to believe this.
11:52Woman just asked me for me all to go.
11:56I don't believe it, no.
11:58I'll go.
11:59She gave me a free biscuit when she clocked who I was.
12:01Oh, Christine, bless you, no, they give everyone a little biscuit.
12:04Yeah, but I didn't pay for it.
12:06Nobody pays for the little biscuit.
12:08Yeah, but she did a sort of cheeky smile when she put it on.
12:10People tend to do a cheeky smile when there's a biscuit around, Christine.
12:13No, it was definite...
12:14Let's see, shall we?
12:21Martin?
12:23Knocked 9k off that.
12:24We've crunched the numbers again.
12:2610k is top whack.
12:28I know, I know, but think about it.
12:31No.
12:32Martin.
12:35Wash your mouth out.
12:37I need you to phone that phone from this phone.
12:46What phone?
12:47That phone.
12:48Boardroom phone.
12:49Can't I just call it from my office phone?
12:52Then it would be an internal ring.
12:54We need it to be an external ring.
13:00Right.
13:01Right.
13:02But it is internal, because it's me.
13:05But it's not you, is it?
13:09Just phone that bloody phone from this bloody phone, please, Joy.
13:13And what do I say?
13:14Nothing.
13:20It's on its way.
13:22Doggy paddle's not the most efficient stroke, Alan.
13:25If it's good enough for a laparadop.
13:27Nice.
13:32Oi, Alan.
13:33There's your armbands.
13:36Nice swimming cap.
13:37Why are you in the pissy pool with the toddlers?
13:40Excuse me.
13:41This is a private lesson.
13:42A private lesson that I'm helping Miss Pearson with.
13:45As a teaching assistant.
13:47Yeah, that's it.
13:48Alan.
13:50What did I say, kids, about kicking those legs?
13:53No, Joanne, push through the water.
13:56No, for the love of God.
13:58No, it's good enough.
13:59Alan.
13:59Really cute, innit?
14:01The Little Mermaid's trying to get a five-meter badge.
14:03Nice one.
14:05Alan, get back here!
14:06Yeah, I'm just going on the break.
14:08Miss Pearson, can you help me?
14:09Oh, oh, come on.
14:10Joanne!
14:11Hey.
14:12Oh, my God.
14:12What are you doing here?
14:13Is it Saturday?
14:14Oh, er, I got the sack.
14:16Part by!
14:17Couldn't be giving stuff away.
14:19Oh, the key ring.
14:20You're so mad.
14:20No, it's not.
14:21It wasn't that.
14:23My mum paid with a tenner and I gave a 20 change.
14:26Ah, she ain't gravel, you devil.
14:30See you in there.
14:33You're perving on Jane.
14:49Well, no.
14:50Because your girlfriend's lit.
14:52I don't know.
14:53Georgie.
14:54How is she?
14:55You can ask her out.
14:57Right, gotta go.
14:58Bye.
14:58Ask her out.
15:03Alan thinks you're hot, Georgie.
15:05Isn't that right, Alan?
15:07Guilty as charged.
15:10And Maz, everyone thinks you're hot too.
15:12Yeah, I know.
15:13God, yeah.
15:14It's like being in a suit with some sexy croutons.
15:19What's a crouton?
15:20Why, when you were feeling so self-conscious, would you pop on a pair of trunks and bob along
15:24half naked in a giant bath, hoping that someone, anyone, would find you attractive?
15:31No heavy petting.
15:33You what?
15:33You heard.
15:34So just to clarify, the little biscuits, they're free.
15:37They're free, yep.
15:38For everyone.
15:40Yep.
15:40Not just the wives of third division football managers.
15:43What?
15:44Thought not.
15:46Thank you, sir.
15:47What's your name?
15:47Becky.
15:48Thank you, Becky.
15:50You've been very helpful.
15:51Hello?
16:02Hello?
16:02No.
16:03Hello, Martin.
16:06Have you?
16:08Oh, no.
16:10Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
16:12That's a shame.
16:15Thanks for letting us know.
16:17Yeah.
16:17They got a better offer.
16:22A 19K?
16:23Mm.
16:25You're joking.
16:26I wish I was.
16:27I really wish I was.
16:29Greedy buggers.
16:31I don't believe that.
16:39Thanks for that.
16:41Must have just left it.
16:43Any chance of that tea?
16:45Yeah.
16:46Get a wiggle on, Joy.
16:47Oh, Georgie.
16:53Mona.
16:53Georgie.
16:58Oh, backstroke.
17:00I'd like to stroke your back.
17:05Feet bends.
17:06Bend!
17:07Stroke your back.
17:08Stroke your arse more like.
17:12You don't have to try so hard, do you?
17:13Yes, I do.
17:15Maybe you don't.
17:17Charming, popular, debonair.
17:19Better at this stuff.
17:20You coming to the deep end, Alan, or what?
17:23No, yeah.
17:24You should probably just stay with the little ones.
17:26Keep up with your croutons, Alan.
17:27Shut up, Randy.
17:28He's not allowed in the deep end.
17:30Oof.
17:31Leave him.
17:32He's meant to be teaching.
17:32Give me them.
17:34No.
17:36No.
17:36See ya!
17:39My glasses.
17:40I can't see.
17:42My glasses were just there, like Harold Bishop's were when he drowned in neighbours.
17:47Stop all the way, stop all the way.
17:54Make your way over to squash court one, please.
17:56Squash court one, thank you.
18:00We always say we should do coffee, don't we?
18:09I think I'm going to go and watch Alan for a bit.
18:12I'll come and get a squeeze.
18:14Thank you, Becky.
18:14Thank you, Becky.
18:32He's done my glasses in.
18:35Go get him, then.
18:43Morning.
18:44Why are you just standing there?
18:47I'm just working out my angle of entrance.
18:50Just jump in, man.
18:51What are you doing?
18:52He can't swim.
18:54How old's that climb?
18:55Prove it, then.
18:56Oh, don't, Leslie.
18:58Alan, get back in the baby pool.
19:03Are you scared?
19:06Alan, get in the rush.
19:07Alan, go, go, swim.
19:09You scared.
19:10Jump in, Alan.
19:11Jump in, Alan.
19:13Jump in, Alan.
19:13Jump in, Alan.
19:14Oh, this is trashy.
19:16Jump in, jump in, jump in, jump in.
19:20Jump in, jump in.
19:24Go, go!
19:25There's a pool in the pool.
19:28Oh, my, please.
19:29Oh, it's a pool in the pool.
19:33Evacuate the pool, everyone else.
19:38Please evacuate the pool.
19:42Please make your way back to the changing rooms, thank you.
19:45Shame about your glasses, mate.
19:46I couldn't help thinking these swimming lessons had been a waste of money but
20:04Drowning was preferable to romance in a girl
20:11Where's Jake?
20:12Where's Alan?
20:15I just died on your arms tonight
20:19Was it something you said
20:23I just died on your arms tonight
20:29How was it?
20:33Well, thanks for asking. We lost Roberts
20:37We nearly lost Alan
20:38What?
20:40What's wrong with your glasses?
20:42Oh, they got washed in a suction pack
20:44So I couldn't swim. Who cares?
20:46I'd swallowed a floating plaster
20:48So what? I was heading home with a lung filled with chlorine
20:52And a heart full of love
20:54Maybe I should try drowning more often
20:58Why's your hair dry?
21:00Take you some?
21:04So, I was Miss Pearson
21:10She mentioned me
21:12Let me take you to a place I know you wanna go
21:19It's a good life
21:21Yes, that's the one
21:22Alan? You nearly ready?
21:26Mum? Do you think I should take me jazz shoes?
21:29You're only going tonight, love
21:31You couldn't get away with a jazz shoe in Northampton
21:34Believe me, I've tried
21:35This town was cramping my style
21:38I needed somewhere bigger, somewhere brighter
21:41Somewhere I could blend in
21:43I needed London, Gary
21:45You can't wear a show suit
21:46You could run into a man of oil
21:48Go! Get changed!
21:51Mum and Dad had a work meeting in town
21:53So we were staying with Aunty Terry
21:55A hop, skip and a jump from London's glittering West End
21:59Are you sure she's up to this?
22:01Of course!
22:03Oh, you're not still on a bet last time?
22:05She took him to the dogs and lost him
22:07Have I got stuck in that kennel, I'll never know
22:09But this time I've come prepared
22:11Got me cockney rhyming slang
22:14Oh, love, no-one talks like that anymore
22:16What a load of old pony!
22:18You must be going madden
22:21You gotta keep your wits about you down London town
22:24Val got mugged outside in Aberdeen Angers
22:26She didn't even realise
22:27Are that southerners for you?
22:29That god-awful place?
22:31Gangster-loving, ale-eating...
22:33Oi!
22:34I'm a sevener
22:36Let me finish
22:37With the most beautiful women in the country
22:40And I'm including your mum in that
22:42Charming
22:44He who tires of London
22:46Tires of pain
22:47£1.20 for a pint
22:48They're taking the mick
22:50Right, let's go
22:52Everyone in the corps
22:54I'll be seeing you shortly, George
22:57Wait till I tell Kate
22:58I've been to
22:59Barney!
23:00Oh!
23:01A hop, skip and quite a long jump
23:03From London's glittering West End then
23:05Four hour round trip
23:06I don't even know what this bloke wants
23:08He's probably trying to poach Alfie for Stoke
23:10Oh, sharks these agents
23:12Oh!
23:13Graham, put a sock in it
23:14You're being wined and dined
23:15Oh, I'd love to be wined and dined
23:17Oh, shit
23:19Alfie's not even scored all season
23:21Dead!
23:22You're in the cultural capital of the world, okay?
23:24Stop talking about football
23:26Oh, my God, is that Gloria Hannaford?
23:29It's Gloria Hannaford
23:31No, it is
23:32I think it is Gloria Hannaford
23:34No, yeah, it's not
23:37You're never more than six foot away from a celeb in London
23:40We're only just off the M1 for Christ's sake
23:43And it's rats, not celebrities
23:45One and the same, darling
23:47Oh!
23:48You're early
23:49We're 20 minutes late
23:50Oh
23:51Thanks for this, Terry
23:52I appreciate it
23:53Oh, please
23:54You know I love him
23:56Oh!
23:59Them
24:00I love them both
24:01Cos there's two of them, isn't there?
24:03Yeah
24:04Right, so Gary's inhalers in his rucksack
24:06Oh, go on
24:07I'll have a quick puff
24:08Oh, we're gonna have fun, aren't we, eh?
24:11The three musketeers
24:13All for one and all for...
24:17One!
24:18Yeah!
24:19So you've got Graham's mobile number
24:20I'm not phoning a mobile
24:21No, but if you need it
24:23No, they're not safe, Chris
24:24Might as well stick you in the microwave
24:26Yeah, I'm not sure that's all
24:27No, no, no, sorry
24:28You think about it
24:29You've got a normal phone
24:30The waves, they're travelling up the cord
24:33They get stuck, trapped in the cord
24:35You've got no cord
24:37Those waves are going straight into your brain
24:40Well, yeah, you can always phone the restaurant
24:42Alan's got the details
24:44Imperial China Piccadilly Circus
24:46Who are you going with again?
24:47I'm just some football agent
24:48Oh!
24:50Lines and dines
24:52Oh, yeah
24:54Right, come on then
24:55Behave
24:57Right, good
24:58Look after him
25:01All right
25:03All right
25:04Ciao
25:05Bye, bye boys
25:08My Aunty Terry was the naughty to my mum's nice
25:11Right then
25:12An ashtray half full kind of girl
25:16Oh, that's nice
25:18What do you fancy doing?
25:19Well, Sal, where are we going to go?
25:20Are you going to be culling in?
25:22Er, hello Mr Wolf
25:25Boo!
25:30Boo!
25:31All right
25:32Boo!
25:33Oh, you don't want to boo anymore
25:35He used to love a bit of boo
25:38He's dead
25:39Oh, timeless boo innit
25:41Oh, I've got one
25:43Bet you can't find my fags in ten seconds
25:47Go
25:48No, cos we were thinking that maybe we could go up to the west end
25:51See the mouse trap
25:52Oh, oh, up the east end
25:54White chapel
25:55Cos I do a Jack the Ripper tour
25:56Hey, I win!
25:59We can just do that round here, can't we?
26:02No, because I think that you need to go where he actually did the murders
26:06Otherwise you are just having a walk
26:09What about a film?
26:12Have you seen Pretty Woman?
26:14Before you start, it is not about me
26:17Yeah, I've wanted to say that
26:20I was going to ask Jake if he wanted to go with me, Jake's boy in my class
26:23I think that he was a little bit put off by the poster
26:26He said, why would a prostitute be wearing waders?
26:29Hey, hooker boots, Ellen
26:30Oh!
26:31And he goes to Big Odeon
26:33In Leicester Square, the seats are meant to be massive
26:36We don't need to go out
26:38Hey, VHS
26:40My mate Wes got me a knock-off coffee
26:43That's piracy, that's illegal
26:46If you hear any police sirens, right?
26:48Just duck down behind the sofa, alright?
26:52You're mine!
26:55I'm joking!
26:57I'm joking!
27:01Sorry to drag you into town
27:02Ah, no, not at all
27:04It's our pleasure
27:05Much to discuss
27:06But I'll be buggered if I'm coming to Northampton
27:11Food's fantastic here
27:13Oh, I bet
27:16It's lovely
27:18Lovely lanterns
27:19Oh, yeah
27:20Oh, yeah
27:21Yeah, alright
27:22Um, I'll order for the table, shall I?
27:24I know my way around the menu
27:25Oh, I think we all do, don't we?
27:26Thirty-six, couple of twenty-twos, pork balls and a pancake roll
27:29Yeah, it's a little bit more authentic here, so...
27:34Right, you go ahead then
27:35Do you like the sweet and sour balls though, didn't you, Graham?
27:38Yeah, I can live without the balls
27:40I will follow your lead
27:42Smart man
27:43Jesus Christ
27:44Um, you took your time
27:46Right, um...
27:47Sorry, um, is it true that Diana ain't here?
27:49It is, yes
27:52Very exciting, isn't it?
27:55Has Ken got any lobsters in?
27:56The Chinese restaurant might have been the real deal
27:59This VHS clearly wasn't
28:05Gary!
28:06Gary, we're not fitting in, sit up
28:08Sit
28:09Ah, there we go, boys
28:10Couple of Coke floats
28:14Oh, it's good, isn't it?
28:17When's dinner?
28:18We'll grab a bite to eat when we're out
28:20We should get going, really
28:22Big Ben's ticking away
28:23No, no, no, I've got it all planned
28:25Your dinner
28:26Yeah
28:28Yeah
28:30Cousin
28:33Honestly, Terry, just chuck us a banana on the way
28:36I can't be bothered with dinner half the time
28:38Just have a bit of Philadelphia on a Weetabix
28:41Don't go to any trouble on our account
28:43Just grab something up west
28:45Once we get going
28:46She can curry all right?
28:49Mum usually makes it from scratch
28:51I haven't got the time to be pissing about with an onion, Alan
28:53I do have a life
28:57So, tube or cab?
28:59Which one we get in?
29:00I bought a soft shoe for the palace out of respect
29:02Cab?
29:03Right
29:04Well, it says 180 here
29:05But I reckon just to...
29:06Just to grill it
29:07It'd be so much quicker, won't it?
29:09I've never seen London before
29:11You're in London now, Alan
29:13Greater London
29:14They call it that
29:15Because it's better than the middle bit
29:16Oh, excuse
29:17Won't be a sec
29:18Keep an eye on that curry, Alan
29:20Hello, Alan
29:21Hello
29:22Hello, you
29:26No
29:27No, I'm not
29:29Come on, don't you
29:30I've got my sister's boys
29:32Stop it
29:37All right
29:39All right
29:40You said you want to go out
29:42We're going to go out
29:43We're going to go out
29:46Gary, grab your rucksack
29:47We're off to London town
29:56Terry's local was more dead end than West End
29:59But at least it was half a mile in the right direction
30:03All right, Wes
30:04All right, Terry
30:05These are my nephews
30:06Alan
30:07Gary
30:08All right, lads
30:09Well, Tim, we've got one, boys
30:10A little, please
30:11And some bacon crispies
30:12On the tab
30:13We're not stopping
30:14Edna West
30:16Gary will have that and then we'll be off, yeah?
30:18Yeah
30:19All right, darling
30:21Ladies
30:22Yay!
30:26You do a 3-3-2, right?
30:27You have Johnson at the back
30:28Freeman up front
30:29It's a no-brainer
30:30Yeah
30:31So, do you live nearby?
30:32Kensington
30:33Oh
30:34That's a lovely big ass
30:35Freezing
30:36Four floors
30:37Extortionate to eat
30:38Yeah, well, we're double glazed throughout
30:40So that does help
30:43Sorry
30:44Do you feel like he's listening?
30:46I think it's the eyes
30:47We eat a lot of fish
30:49Oh, yeah, so do we
30:50I just tend to take the eyes out before they put them in breadcrumbs
30:54Chengdu region
30:55Hmm?
30:56Chengdu region
30:57The chef, he's incredible with seafood
30:58Have you got a decent Chinese, don't you?
31:01Oh, yeah
31:02Got a really good one
31:03They do fish and chips and all, don't they, Graham?
31:04Mmm
31:05Well, it's good for the kids
31:08Erm, can we get a couple of forks here?
31:10I don't think...
31:11I don't think chopsticks have made it to Northampton yet
31:13I suppose you need a bosable thumbs to use them
31:15Ha, ha, ha, ha
31:17A bosable thumbs
31:18Yeah, well
31:19Those thumbs have got them to the top of the league
31:22And it's been noted
31:23It's been noted
31:27Aunt Terry
31:29We can kiss goodbye to the mousetrap
31:31The curtain's gone up
31:32Sorry
31:33Oh, you must be hungry
31:35Get yourself a bag of crisps, or me
31:37I can have crisps at home
31:38I want to see a BP to a close range
31:41Just a furry hat, Alan
31:43I've just got to stay
31:44Just for a little bit, yeah?
31:46Why don't you
31:47Have a throw, yeah?
31:49Go on
31:50Go on, have a throw
31:51For me
31:56Right, can we go now?
31:57You're standing wrong
31:59Oh!
32:00You show him!
32:08Fine and mild
32:09And a bottle of white
32:11Ed, your cheapest one
32:12Yeah
32:19You must be Gary
32:20Fantastic
32:22Your Aunty Terry
32:23Real special lady, yeah?
32:27There you go, my love
32:28Try that
32:30Shelley, I'm on minus 4.5
32:33I think it's holding you back
32:35Clear the board, Lens!
32:40Mmm...
32:41About that
32:43Yes, better
32:44From a...
32:45Uncle Mick
32:47How sweet!
32:50Who's Uncle Mick?
32:51We don't have an Uncle Mick
32:52We might have one day
32:53If I play my cards right
32:54Well, hopefully Uncle's come to drive us up west
33:00Load of cash in it
33:03Well, I should know
33:04I'm making it
33:05She's spending it
33:06But I'm making it
33:08It's always the way, eh, girlies?
33:10Oh, no
33:11No, thank you
33:12Not for me
33:13Got a bit of a headache
33:14Actually
33:16Graham?
33:17What?
33:18Got a bit of a headache
33:19Right
33:20I'll drink some water
33:23Excuse me
33:26I'm going for a cigarette
33:27Alright, love
33:30Want another beer?
33:35Jack the Ripper who?
33:36Maybe I didn't need to go traipsing around Whitechapel
33:39Listening to someone witter on about disembowelling
33:43I'd discover darts
33:48These arrows had given me life
33:51I was starting to feel optimistic
33:55Whereas Mick was feeling Becky with the bad hair's arse
33:59Look, no hands
34:00Alright, Mr. Rucker, first
34:03He-he-he
34:05Cool
34:07How come?
34:08Mother, I've missed chatting to you
34:11What do you mean?
34:12It's my fault I've been glued to that hockey all night
34:15Aw, making yourself home at night
34:18Hey, he's come all this way
34:20To see me practise my darts
34:23That's the thing about Mick
34:25Takes an interest
34:26In my interests
34:27Yeah
34:30What happened to Greg?
34:31I liked him
34:33Married
34:35Oh, Terry
34:37You watch Dynasty
34:38You should know that they never, ever, ever leave the wife
34:42But they give the old shpill, don't they?
34:44She doesn't understand me
34:46It's different with you
34:47And the next thing it's
34:48I've got ringworm, Terry
34:49I can't leave the house
34:51Most men are bastards, Alan
34:54I mean, not you
34:55Obviously
34:56You're a sweetheart
34:58And your dad, you know
34:59Your dad's
35:00Oh, right
35:01I mean, oh, my God
35:02He's boring
35:03He was talking to me about the transfer wind
35:05I said, Graham
35:06I'm going to stick my hair through the window in a minute
35:09This way
35:11When you get a good one, Alan
35:13Do you make sure you hold on to him?
35:21Oh, Terry
35:22He was grabbing that woman's bum while you were in the loo
35:24I'm sure it wasn't her bottom out of the loo
35:27I'm sure it wasn't her bottom out of the loo
35:30She's very thin, it's probably her elbow
35:32He doesn't care about your doubts, Terry
35:39Oh, he's probably out of my league anyway
35:41I mean, look at him
35:44He's using a coaster as a toothpick
35:47Terry, no
35:48No, look at me, look at me
35:51You are a strong, independent, beautiful woman
35:55Stop it!
35:56I mean, man would kill for that kind of volume in her fringe
36:00And I know she thinks you're a nightmare
36:02But that's just because of your pizzazz
36:05That's why you live in London
36:07Well, greater London
36:09We're not going, are we?
36:11To the West End
36:13It's a bus and three tubes, Alan
36:15It's fine
36:17I'm going to live in London when I'm older
36:19Be out on the town every night
36:21Better believe it, kid
36:22You'll be licking champagne off a chandelier
36:24With a cast of Ollyhoaks before you know it
36:27Anyway, I can't leave now, can I?
36:30I've got 86 and three frowns to go
36:32I'm sorry, darling
36:33You have had fun
36:35Haven't you?
36:37Yes!
36:41Something stronger?
36:43Trying to get me drunk
36:45Come on
36:46Out with it
36:47Who are you after?
36:49You don't go throwing chicken chow mane at a man for nothing
36:52Is it Alfie?
36:54Who wants him?
36:56Stoke?
36:57Barnsley?
36:59Stoke City
37:00But they don't want Alfie
37:02They want you
37:05What?
37:06Pick off her, Graham
37:07They're not mucking about
37:08Been eyeing you up for a while
37:10They're going in for the kiss
37:12They want to talk
37:13I can make it happen for you
37:14Just a phone call
37:15It would be my pleasure
37:17I think you'd be mad not to jump at it
37:20Cobblers were small fry
37:22But this?
37:23This could change everything for you, Graham
37:25And the family
37:27And I'll only take 20%
37:28Are you sure I can't tempt you?
37:29You sure I can't tempt you?
37:31Eh?
37:33Yeah
37:35Oi!
37:36Two sarkies!
37:39The needle
37:40The sweating
37:42The urge to get it in the right spot
37:44It was like that time I OD'd on a Zempick
37:49You're lonely over there
37:51Busy, Mick?
37:52We were going to have a good time
37:54Ha!
37:55You're having a very good time by the looks of it
37:57Oh, come here
37:58She said she's busy
38:00Ooh!
38:01Kenneth Williams to the rescue
38:03Oh, leave it out, Mick
38:04Yeah, she's right
38:06You don't want to be causing no
38:08Barney Rubble
38:10It's time we called you
38:13A Sherbet Dab
38:15I think
38:16Is it now?
38:18Er, can you give me space?
38:19I'm trying to hit a triple top
38:21Enough, Mick
38:22Don't you turn your back on me
38:23You little poof
38:24Ow!
38:28You did that deliberately
38:30No, I didn't
38:31It was an accident
38:33Sling your rope
38:34Wes
38:35Wes
38:36Chuck him out
38:37He stabbed me
38:39He threatened my nephew
38:41What's he even doing in here, eh?
38:43He's only twelve
38:44Thirteen and a half, actually
38:47I am fuzzies
38:50Oh, my God, Alan
38:51It's good, Alan
38:52Game right in the BCG
38:57Mrs Carr
38:58Terry has left a message for you
39:00Oh, God
39:01She said, could you please come back?
39:03Jesus, it's only half past nine
39:05Er, they're at the king's arms
39:08I'm gonna kill her
39:09I've tried before, but I'm gonna do it this time
39:10Graham, we need to leave
39:11Surely not
39:12Drink round hours first
39:13I insist
39:14You can follow the jag
39:15Look, we get it
39:16You drive a flash car
39:17And you eat fish with the eyes in
39:18Well done, you
39:19Bye, love
39:20Gwyn
39:26I can't leave
39:28I mean, I'm leaving the restaurant, but er
39:31No, I can't leave the club
39:34I appreciate the offer
39:35But, erm, the money
39:37The money would be nice
39:38But, erm
39:40I won't let my players down
39:43Or the club
39:45Or Ron
39:46We've been through a lot to get where we are
39:48But, erm
39:50Yeah, there's more left to do
39:52Nice to meet you
39:53Look, if you change your mind
39:55You know where to find me, alright?
39:57I won't
39:59Come on, kids
40:02Come on, kids
40:03Terry, why are they in a pub?
40:13I love sport
40:14See, he loves sport
40:16It's not sport, it's a hobby
40:18What was that?
40:19Eh?
40:20Nothing
40:21To think of all those times in PE
40:22When I had to run around a field in sub-zero temperatures
40:24And I could have been in dolls in the world
40:27Okay, so I hadn't seen a beefeater or a single pearly queen
40:31But I had seen life
40:33And let's be honest
40:34I could have stayed in Northampton to spend the night in a manky pub
40:37Watching drunks play darts
40:39But being down here
40:40With my favourite aunt
40:41Made me feel
40:43Hopeful somehow
40:45Well, what was the problem then?
40:47Nothing
40:48I just thought you might want to see him
40:50He is fantastic, Graham
40:51I hope you know how fantastic he is
40:55And I thought, now that you're a football wife and all that
40:58Chris, that you could do with the excuse of getting away from that boring chitchat
41:03Transfer window? I need to throw myself out the bloody window
41:05I said that!
41:08Oh, what are big sisters for, eh?
41:13Where's Gary?
41:15Gary?
41:17Oh, there's two of them, aren't there?
41:19Er...
41:25I reckon if I knuckle down I could play professionally
41:29For you?
41:31From The Gentleman
41:32What?
41:33The little one
41:34Yeah, the privacy
41:38Thank you, my darling
41:40Well, at least they've had a good night
41:43It was nice to get out of Northampton, wasn't it?
41:46You know, change of scenery
41:48No, I'm sorry, London is overrated
41:50Oh, I know
41:52Oh, it's a stubborn man
41:54Oh, the imagination on him
41:56I think he's overtired
41:57Oh, me and all
41:59Right, take us back home
42:01Back to Northampton
42:03To Northampton
42:05To Northampton
42:06To Northampton
Recommended
41:52
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