- 7 hours ago
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00:00Let's firm up those plans then, eh?
00:02You, me, a bottle of pop and a large fish supper.
00:06What about the kid?
00:08Well, Malcolm.
00:10Suppose I can ask him to stick a Savaloy in as well.
00:12I mean, he's not going to be there too, is he?
00:14Not again!
00:16I've bought my Walkman, he can't hear a thing, I promise.
00:19You can make as much noise as you like.
00:22Jackie Moskrip, you're a terrible father.
00:25Yeah, but my great...
00:26I'll see you Saturday.
00:28Both of you.
00:40They really are the most glorious things in the world, Malcolm.
00:44Forget the flowers.
00:46When I die, I want the church filled with beautiful women.
00:49Wall-to-wall stone foxes.
00:51No pigs.
00:53No eulogy.
00:55Come on.
00:57It would be great if you could come to my dad's funeral.
00:59I don't think so.
01:00Sorry.
01:03Have you got...
01:04Are you sure you want me to do all these bats with lure pack, Gemma?
01:07It's very expensive.
01:08Just use what's in the fridge.
01:10All I'm saying is I can do you a mix of spreads that will bring the cost down without necessarily diminishing the taste.
01:15The key thing is to whip the store cup, add a bit of salt, a tiny bit of lard, and then add whatever butter of your choice before rounding it out.
01:23You just use what's in the fridge.
01:25I could save you up to two pounds, Gemma.
01:27I don't care about two pounds.
01:28And that attitude is why you'll never be a businesswoman and I'm the OG boss bitch.
01:32I don't care.
01:35Dad.
01:36How are you feeling?
01:38I still don't manage to get any beautiful women to come to the funeral.
01:42Are you cheeky?
01:43I'll be there.
01:45I killed him and then I let him down.
01:47Oh my God, you need to stop this.
01:49You didn't kill him.
01:50He was on the list for a triple heart bypass.
01:52Those pills were the only things keeping him alive.
01:55And you've written such a lovely eulogy.
01:57He always said he didn't want one.
01:59Well, I bet he didn't want to eat his mad sandwich bed either, but that's what he's getting.
02:02Look, you've done the hard part, now you just need to read it out.
02:05You'll say something nice though.
02:07Nobody wants to hear the truth at a funeral.
02:10Morning!
02:12Here you go, one eulogy.
02:14Oh, I changed the font from Impact to Times New Roman.
02:16Felt like the respectful thing to do.
02:18Perfect, thanks.
02:19Go on, mate, go cry it out.
02:20Oh, can I have one of those?
02:21I skipped breakfast.
02:22I've been fasting.
02:23Found a rat in my breadwin.
02:25Ew.
02:26Excuse fingers.
02:27These are for Jackie.
02:28I hate to break it to you, ladies, but Jackie's...
02:32Fine.
02:35Fucking hell.
02:36You get less food at a mafia funeral.
02:38Unless, of course, you've invited all of Jackie's exes, in which case it's not enough.
02:41You pig.
02:42Gemma's been working really hard on that buffet all week.
02:44Oh!
02:45Oh!
02:46Oh!
02:47Oh!
02:48Oh!
02:49Oh!
02:50Oh!
02:51Oh!
02:52Oh!
02:53Oh!
02:54Oh!
02:55Oh!
02:56Oh!
02:57Oh!
02:58You can see a terror!
03:01Disgusting!
03:04Shit!
03:06Shit!
03:07Ooh!
03:08Jogging bottoms at a funeral, eh?
03:09I admire the sentiment, King.
03:10One last fuck you to the old man.
03:11I'm not doing that!
03:12Why would you think I was doing that?
03:13I'm not doing that!
03:14Relax, Malcolm.
03:15It was a JK.
03:16This is the last thing I'll ever get to do for him.
03:18I just want today to be appropriate, alright?
03:20And I thought I bought a suit from the charity shop and I can't find it now!
03:24I mean, what if I didn't buy it?
03:25Eh?
03:26What if I just dreamt it?
03:27Gemma!
03:28Fucking hell.
03:29You yelled?
03:30I got a suit from the charity shop, didn't I?
03:31Yeah.
03:32I took it to the dry cleaners, like you asked.
03:33Well, where is it now?
03:34Probably still there.
03:35I gave you the receipt.
03:36Did you?
03:37I can't bet I've lost the receipt.
03:38I've lost the receipt!
03:39Dad, it's fine.
03:40You've got loads of time, okay?
03:41You can go down there now and just give them your name.
03:43What?
03:44It's Malcolm Moss script.
03:45I can write it down to you if you want.
03:46Gemma, do you have any fancy bowls?
03:48What kind of bowls?
03:49Well, I wanted to decant the coleslaw from the plastic tubs into something nice.
03:53Show a bit of respect.
03:54Oh, that's lovely.
03:55I can use that.
03:56That's an ashtray.
03:57That was my granddad's.
03:59It's fucking filthy is what it is.
04:00Yeah, I can wash it, Gemma.
04:02If I have to.
04:03He's dead now, of course.
04:04Will you use a normal bowl, Rita?
04:06Yeah, but I can't find any.
04:08Oh, I could decant it into a mug.
04:10No.
04:11We're not serving coleslaw from a mug at my grandfather's wake.
04:14You know what I've just realised?
04:17I'm finally an orphan.
04:20Dad.
04:21Right, you take him to get his suit.
04:24Roger that.
04:25Come on, little orphan Annie.
04:26It starts at 86 minutes, isn't it?
04:28Yeah, we'll meet you at the crematorium.
04:30And Rita, I'll find you something for the coleslaw.
04:34Something fancy.
04:35Right, Kerry there, won't let me have a mug.
04:38For your grief.
04:39I like a sexy little bit.
04:41Can we go in yours?
04:42Why?
04:43It's nicer, isn't it?
04:44Than the Jag.
04:45No, it fucking isn't.
04:46Surely you want to arrive in your dad's classic car.
04:47It was his pride and joy.
04:48I can't.
04:49If I drive it, it means he's really dead, doesn't it?
04:50Malcolm, I think the fact that we're setting fire to him later is enough to suggest that
04:55he's really dead.
04:56Look, it's been over a month.
04:57You've got to drive it sometime, King.
04:58Yeah, well, I will, just not today, all right?
04:59Jesus, all right?
05:00Such a baby.
05:01Okay.
05:02Can somebody help us?
05:03You all right?
05:04This one is really heavy.
05:06Yes, Jack.
05:07Is he a little old too?
05:08You cannot believe it's the best, Jack?
05:09This is the best, Jack.
05:10We have to find you someone who's where Mr. King did.
05:11He was struggling to find you.
05:12But not so.
05:13Yeah.
05:14Well, you can't go in your dad's classic car.
05:15It's his pride and joy.
05:16I can't.
05:17If I drive it, it means he's really dead, doesn't it?
05:18Malcolm, I think that the fact that we're setting fire to him later is
05:20enough to suggest that he's really dead.
05:22Look, it's been over a month.
05:25You've got to drive it sometime, King.
05:26Yeah, well, I will, just not today, all right?
05:29Jesus, all right?
05:30You all right?
05:31Oh, God.
05:32Mm-hmm.
05:33Sounded like a sloppy one.
05:34All right, you just don't get any on you.
05:35I'll take care of this.
05:36Hiya.
05:37Thanks, babe.
05:38Oh, God, you are a stinky bum today, eh?
05:48Oh, Sadie didn't shit herself on purpose.
05:53Just wish I'd taken more photos of her and Granddad.
05:56Oh, lovey.
05:58Now it's too late.
05:59No, it isn't.
06:00Don't say that.
06:01It's never too late.
06:02Rita, it is too late.
06:04They can do anything with computers these days, Gemma.
06:07If you want, I can get you a picture of Sadie, Jackie, Jesus and Freddie Mercury.
06:12You're all inside a barn that's floated out to sea.
06:15I know someone that can do that.
06:17You're not just photos.
06:19I could get that image printed on a mouse mat for you.
06:23A mouse mat.
06:25Imagine that, eh?
06:27No.
06:28Can you have another look, please?
06:44There isn't anything under the name Malcolm Moss Clip.
06:47I have a photographic memory.
06:48When you put that to use in the dry cleaners.
06:50I also do alterations.
06:51Are we sure this is the right place?
06:53What is it?
06:56We left the dry cleaners and they haven't got my suit.
06:59Which one did you take it to?
07:00The one on Mayford Road.
07:02A dick called Johan works there.
07:03Is your name Johan?
07:04Yes.
07:05And are you a dick?
07:07Do you see any customer service awards in front of me?
07:10They haven't got my suit, so what am I going to do?
07:12Okay.
07:13Can you sort this out yourself?
07:15Look, it's my dad's funeral.
07:17In an hour.
07:18Have you got anything?
07:19Anything, please?
07:20I have something that might fit.
07:32It's not black.
07:33Okay.
07:51Hiya, cat.
07:53Catherine!
07:54Cat!
07:55Catkins!
07:56Oh!
07:57Oh!
07:58Gary there!
07:59Gary, did you get taller?
08:01Oh, it's the pins in my legs.
08:03I might get my arms done too.
08:04Can you imagine being able to reach things before other people?
08:07Amazing.
08:08Yeah.
08:09I've got to say Gemma, thank you so much for sorting all this.
08:12What?
08:13The cat said you'd come through on the day release.
08:15Hmm.
08:16You had Grandad's heart pills, didn't you?
08:18Don't even joke about that.
08:21We'll tell the baby and to Gem-Gem move to heaven and earth
08:24to make their conception possible.
08:26And special thanks to Grandad Jackie,
08:28who sacrificed himself so our baby could be.
08:31Fucking hell.
08:33Oh, yeah.
08:34This is Sue, okay?
08:36Prison officer.
08:37My job is to help Catherine make correct decisions today.
08:40Or else.
08:41I've missed you so much, Cat.
08:46Aww.
08:47I'd let you push me off a million fire escapes.
08:50So things are properly back on with you two then?
08:52Yeah.
08:53Catherine explained it was a crime of passion.
08:55She's always been very passionate.
08:57Yeah.
08:58Not the word I'd use to describe her, but okay.
09:00Shut up.
09:01Catherine!
09:02Oh!
09:03Oh!
09:04Dad, what the hell are you wearing?
09:05Well, the dry cleaners lost my suit, didn't they?
09:07So you borrowed one from RuPaul?
09:09I think Dad looks magnificent.
09:11Thanks, love.
09:12Hey, it didn't look so bright in the bag, did it?
09:13It did not.
09:14Come here.
09:15Oh, bums.
09:16Sorry, Dad.
09:17I've used up all my hooks for today.
09:20It's prison rules.
09:22Aye, aye.
09:23What if I forget how to talk?
09:25You know, I've already gone a bit dry.
09:27And I've gone dry.
09:28Dad, no.
09:29It's a beautiful eulogy.
09:30Thanks.
09:31I'd better go and practice, okay?
09:33There is no way you think Dad looks good in that suit.
09:36I am.
09:37Prove it.
09:38You think Dad looks good in that suit?
09:39I am.
09:40Prove it.
09:41I am.
09:44Bios.
09:45I am.
09:46You know my dad never cried.
09:47I would cry, I have to cry.
09:48I would cry.
09:50I am.
09:51I have to cry.
09:52And I will cry at the same time.
09:54No, my dad never cried.
09:55You know, my dad never cried.
10:12Not even when he sliced his toe off, kicking my tamarai sword.
10:15Just different people, aren't you?
10:18Hi.
10:19Hi. I'm sorry.
10:21Why? What have you done?
10:22For your loss.
10:25Missed you.
10:27Thanks for coming.
10:32What is it?
10:34Your Auntie Jess, she's not going to come.
10:36Oh, Dad.
10:37Yeah, well, we had a tough relationship, you know.
10:40I think she thought he was a bit judgmental.
10:44I hope she'd come, you know, just for me.
10:46Sorry.
10:47Well, here's a message from Tyrone.
10:51Oh, God, that's not very nice, is it?
10:53Right. I think it's time to kick off.
10:55Oh, I'm sorry. We've got to wait for the celebrant.
10:58Uh, hello.
10:59Who do you think I am?
11:01Francis, I'm your celebrant super sub.
11:03I'm afraid your guy had a tiny bump on the A34 this morning.
11:06Is he okay?
11:08Yeah.
11:08He did manage to WhatsApp me some very comprehensive notes
11:10while he was waiting to be cut out of the wreckage.
11:12I'm such a pro.
11:14Where are my glasses?
11:15Oh, silly old Francis.
11:23I think we need to get on.
11:25Yeah.
11:27Great.
11:27John Richard Muscrip, Jackie, to his friends and family,
11:48was a devoted and loving father to Malcolm and Jessica.
11:52He's not here.
11:53And adoring grandfather to Catherine.
11:56Yes. Top of the list. I've made it.
11:59Well done, baby girl.
11:59Gemma and Mice.
12:02Why did I say Mice?
12:04Mia.
12:05Yeah, that's my sister's daughter.
12:06Mia. What, that's a name, is it?
12:08Yes.
12:09Oh.
12:10I've never heard that name before.
12:11Well, Mia.
12:13You learn something new every day.
12:14Mia.
12:15Mia.
12:15Mia.
12:16Bitch, I like it.
12:17Actually, I really like it.
12:19Yeah.
12:19Right, back to Jackie.
12:21Very recently, he'd become a great-grandfather to...
12:24Oh, scroll past it.
12:25Sadie.
12:25Sadie.
12:26Yeah, now I do know that name.
12:27Well, sexy Sadie, isn't she?
12:29Is she sexy?
12:30You're Sadie?
12:31She's a year old.
12:35Anywho, Malcolm Moscrip will now say a few words about his dear dead dad.
12:42You got it, King.
12:43You fucking got it.
12:44Okay.
12:44Slay.
12:45Okay.
12:45Fucking destroy it.
12:46Come on.
12:47Come on.
12:47My dad, um...
13:02Jackie.
13:07There's a lot to say about my dad.
13:11There's a lot I'd like to say.
13:12Okay.
13:17I'd like to honor him in the best way I can.
13:29If that's okay with you.
13:35Oh, shit.
13:38Okay.
13:38I can't do this.
14:00Yes, you can, Malcolm.
14:01Yes, you can.
14:01Eyes on me, King.
14:02You got it.
14:03Am I going in?
14:03Am I going in?
14:04Oh, I'm going in, I'm going in, I'm going in, I'm going in.
14:07Baby, I'm your man.
14:11Here we go.
14:12Shoot.
14:12Don't you know that, baby, I'm your man.
14:18We're going together.
14:19We're going together.
14:19Come on.
14:19If you told him to do it, do it right.
14:23Do it for me.
14:24If you told him to do it, do it right.
14:26Do it for me.
14:28If you told him to do it, do it right now.
14:30Do it for me.
14:31Yeah.
14:32Do it for me.
14:32Do it right now.
14:35Ooh.
14:39I thought everyone would join in once we hit that second verse.
14:42Yeah, me too.
14:43And you wrote that song yourself.
14:45Amazing.
14:45I wish you'd told me you were going to do that.
14:47So you could talk him out of it?
14:48Yeah.
14:51Hi.
14:52Hi.
14:54Well, that was something.
14:56Yep.
14:56Okay.
14:57Thanks for coming.
14:58Sorry for your loss.
15:01Sorry for your loss.
15:03I've only got to keep the clothes under.
15:06Oh, you're being so brave.
15:08It's okay, Ruth.
15:09Oh, please.
15:10Take your fucking time.
15:12You're not the only one incinerating a family member today, mate.
15:15It's, um, it's quite a lot, isn't it, babe?
15:25Yeah, I didn't want people gossiping about there not being enough food.
15:28But, of course, what they're going to be talking about is you hiring a chorus line of strippers.
15:32Well, you make it sound so seedy, Gemma.
15:35You should have seen them at the audition.
15:37Gemma!
15:38I can't shake Sukey off.
15:40How me and Gary are supposed to go make a baby if they keep following me around all day?
15:44Maybe this is God's or HM Prison Service's way of saying don't bother.
15:48You having a baby?
15:49We're trying.
15:50We're trying to try.
15:51No thanks to Gemma.
15:52Cat, what more do you want me to do?
15:54Draw him a map of where to stick it.
15:56Get him hard for you.
15:57Guide him in like cock-air traffic control.
15:59Don't be so crude, Gemma!
16:01I think it's a wonderful way to honour your grandad.
16:04Thank you, Daddy.
16:05You fucking bitch.
16:06They weren't at the crematorium.
16:07So, er, how did you know Jackie then?
16:11Hiya.
16:11Hey, hey.
16:13Derry's just told me how much they get paid.
16:15Fucking hell.
16:17You thought about our career, dancing at funerals?
16:19Well, I might have to.
16:20Three months to apply and no fights.
16:22I mean, what's wrong with me?
16:23Well, you're a single mum on maternity leave with zero qualifications.
16:25Do you think I should stop putting that on my cover letter?
16:27Maybe.
16:28Yeah.
16:28I don't think they even knew who grandad was.
16:30No?
16:31No.
16:31I'm going to get my baps off that woman.
16:33Okay.
16:34Can you go, it's it?
16:35All right, come on.
16:36Come on.
16:36Come on.
16:38Go.
16:38Go.
16:39Go.
16:39Go.
16:40Go.
16:43I, er, I love a man in a suit.
16:45What, even this one?
16:47Well, she'd ask me to dance for you, Malcolm.
16:49I'm very talkful.
16:51Watch this.
16:52Woo!
16:52Woo!
16:54Rita, can I have a word?
16:55Yeah.
16:56Quick word?
16:57Yeah.
16:57Derek.
16:58Will you stop trying to seduce my grieving father?
17:01I'm trying to lift his spirits.
17:02Well, his spirits need to stay exactly where they are.
17:05Gemma.
17:06What?
17:07Can you distract Suki from me?
17:09We only need a couple of minutes, like 90 seconds max.
17:13Jesus, Gary's a lucky guy.
17:14I know.
17:16Right, what do you want me to do and nothing illegal?
17:18Right, well, Suki, they really fancy your fit, mate.
17:22Jerry?
17:23Yeah.
17:24Right.
17:25So, could you, like, introduce them or something?
17:27And then me and Gary will slip off to the bogs, make a baby, as is most great family tradition.
17:35Go on.
17:36Fine.
17:37Yes.
17:39Suki, can I introduce you to Cherry?
17:41Oh, God, yes, please.
17:43Cherry, this is Suki.
17:45Suki is my sister's...
17:47Guardian angel.
17:48You are.
17:48Just go with it.
17:50Oh.
17:50Hiya.
17:51You are very pretty.
17:54Do you work with Catherine?
17:58She's in prison.
17:59She's twist.
18:00You have not stopped all day today.
18:03Yeah, well, I'm just trying to make sure that everyone's having a really great time.
18:06At 08?
18:06I love wakes.
18:08I think they're like weddings, but you just don't have to get anyone a gift.
18:11Why don't you sit down and get a glass of this?
18:12No, because if I stop thinking about the food, then I'll think about the...
18:14Hiya.
18:15Hi, Gary.
18:17Where's Kat?
18:17Oh, my God.
18:21Gary?
18:23Run, my goodness.
18:24What?
18:24What?
18:25I'm finding her.
18:26Just go.
18:27Come on, you, Casper.
18:27You're my world.
18:28Fucking killer.
18:28Get off.
18:29Gary, that's not how you make a baby.
18:37Right, on your way, Gary.
18:38Malcolm?
18:40Malcolm?
18:41Sorry again, Malcolm, about the table and the food and your dad.
18:46Oh, I should have said dad first.
18:48Why didn't you say dad first?
18:59All I wanted was for my dad to have an appropriate send-off, you know?
19:03Well, I think we achieved that.
19:05Plus, we've got a family member on the run now.
19:10Oh.
19:10You would have loved that.
19:12I just wanted to say, the whole day was great.
19:15It was a bit weird, but great.
19:18My mum went to karaoke machine at her funeral.
19:20Got talked out of it by family.
19:22Regretted it ever since.
19:24I'm Elodie.
19:25Here's my number.
19:26Yeah?
19:27Love the suit, by the way.
19:30Pfft, yeah.
19:31Nice.
19:35Like I'm going to hire her again.
19:37She cost a fortune.
19:38Oh, God.
19:42Oh, have I missed it?
19:44I can't believe I've missed it.
19:47There was a crash on the A34.
19:50Malcolm.
19:52Tommy.
19:53Finally.
19:55In the flesh.
19:57Well, you're a lot taller than I thought you'd be.
19:59And about ten times more handsome.
20:01I mean, how sexy is this guy?
20:04Come on.
20:05Bring it in.
20:08Oh.
20:09Oh.
20:10Dad?
20:10Who's this?
20:13It's Tommy Moskrip.
20:15Yeah.
20:16Jackie's son.
20:17The other son.
20:18Dad, you've got a brother.
20:20Oh.
20:21Yeah.
20:25Me.
20:32Cuddly squid?
20:34Um, do one-year-olds like squid?
20:36Well, Sadie's going to have to get used to squid, mate.
20:38It's not going to be long before she's having to fight them off in a post-nuclear wasteland.
20:42This present needs to be perfect.
20:44I read online that your first birthday present can set the course for the rest of your life.
20:48No, total bullshit.
20:49Just get her some fluffy bricks or something.
20:52So, I'm still pretty livid.
20:54You didn't tell me you had a secret brother.
20:55Well, I didn't tell anyone, did I?
20:57That's why it was secret.
20:58Hmm.
20:58So what's Tommy's deal?
20:59What does he want?
21:00Well, he just messaged me out of the blue a few years ago, you know.
21:03He said he was Dad's son and that they were living together in Spain.
21:06Oh, suspicious.
21:07Continue.
21:07He found some photos of me and Dad and was asking awkward questions.
21:11But my dad told him I was an old work colleague and I had a brain injury, so don't trust anything I said, you know.
21:16So, Tommy knew about you and your sister and you knew about Tommy, but your wife and kids didn't know anything.
21:21And your dad didn't know you knew or that you'd been in contact with Tommy, but also you didn't ask your dad about Tommy, even though he'd been living here for two months before he carked it.
21:29Yeah.
21:32Jesus, Malcolm, do you think this is why your family are so fucked up?
21:35Eh, we just don't discuss those sort of things.
21:38What sort of thing?
21:38Having blood relatives.
21:40Oh my God, this is, uh, okay, that's perfect.
21:43That's Sadie's present.
21:47Oh, Malcolm!
21:49Help me!
21:50It's spunking its eggs down my throat!
21:53Hi, baby.
21:54I spoke to the police again.
21:59Oh, yeah?
22:00Still nothing.
22:01It's been over a week now.
22:04I thought they had CCTV everywhere.
22:06They do, but apparently they don't have the manpower to look at it.
22:10Cat will be fine, you know that.
22:11She's kind of a badass, in a lazy way.
22:15Good morrow, fellow Moskrips.
22:17Good morrow.
22:17Hey, Tommy.
22:19Brother from another mother.
22:20Yeah.
22:20Niece from another piece.
22:22Uncle from another spunkle.
22:24Oh, that's awesome.
22:26So, how are you finding Grandad's, then?
22:27It's a bloody palace, Gemma.
22:29Sure, the shower runs cold and the oven doesn't work,
22:31but, uh, I'm more of a meat-crowave kind of guy, anyway.
22:35And is there a microwave?
22:36Nah.
22:38Okay, gotta go.
22:39Bye.
22:40Bye.
22:41Your skin looks incredible, Malcolm.
22:42Do you wild swim?
22:44No.
22:46I sometimes shower with the window open.
22:48A squirrel got in once.
22:53Gemma!
22:54I've got a surprise for you.
22:55Come on.
22:55Okay.
22:58Ta-da!
22:59Sadie's crash for when you come back to work.
23:01Only a week to go.
23:03Rita, you know Dad's gone part-time to help look after Sadie.
23:05Yeah, but he might want a day off now and then to explore romantic avenues.
23:10They are often so sexy.
23:11So put a load of bath mats down so she doesn't hurt herself and some toys from Crisis.
23:19An uncooked bowl of rice?
23:21Exactly, yeah.
23:23To attract a rat for her to play with.
23:24It's a treasure hunt.
23:27You know, you bury things in the bowl and Sadie digs them out.
23:31It's fun.
23:34Spanner and a biro?
23:35I don't know what baby's like, Gemma.
23:37I'm not Mr. Bloody Tumble.
23:38Of course.
23:39This is lovely, Rita.
23:41Treasure hunt.
23:42Oh my God, what is that?
23:46No, it's not anything weird.
23:47It's just one of Winnie's semi-dried figs.
23:49Keeps Sadie regular.
23:50Can I have it back now, Rita?
23:51Right, last one.
23:52I don't want you shitting yourself again.
23:54I'm not mopping you out of this salon.
23:55Oh, that was an accident.
23:57That grouting has never been the same since.
23:58I can still smell it.
23:59I've still got it right up here.
24:04Hi.
24:05Do you have any balloons that say happy first birthday but also happy 56th birthday?
24:09She's having a joint do with her grandad.
24:11Well, these balloons are very popular.
24:13They keep their tumescence for up to six months.
24:15Why?
24:16I think we'll just take a one, a five and a six.
24:18Okie dokie.
24:21Oh, they're so cute.
24:22So, I can't do that pre-party lunch on Friday anymore.
24:26Oh, are you getting your nails done?
24:28Do not go to my lady.
24:29They were so sharp last time.
24:30I could have climbed a tree.
24:31It's not that.
24:33I actually have a job interview.
24:35Oh my God, babe.
24:36About me and dangle.
24:37Go on then, tell me.
24:39It's marketing.
24:40It's well paid.
24:41It's flexible.
24:43It's family friendly.
24:44They have a creche.
24:45A normal one.
24:46Not one with bath mats and rice.
24:48Yeah.
24:48I mean, I probably won't get it, but...
24:49Yeah, you will.
24:51We'll manifest it.
24:52Give Gemma the job.
24:53Give Gemma the job.
24:53Give Gemma the job.
24:54I actually really, really do hope I get it.
24:57But how am I going to tell Rita?
24:59Well, she'll understand.
25:01Like you said, the only way to get promoted at the salon is by stabbing her in the neck with a pair of barbarian scissors.
25:06Did I say that?
25:07I've been dealing with my rage towards Lance by watching a lot of true crime documentaries.
25:12Um, do you want curls on your balloons?
25:13Keep those away from me.
25:14Come on.
25:14Oh, he looks well there, doesn't he?
25:26Malaga's a wonderful place, Malcolm.
25:28You and Gem should visit.
25:30And Jess, I can't wait to finally meet her.
25:33She's got a hot tub.
25:34Did you know that Malaga is known as Europe's hot tub?
25:37No.
25:38So, you know, me and Dad lived together until we had a massive bust-up a few months ago.
25:44Did he often fall out?
25:46Loads, yeah.
25:47He was a difficult sausage, wasn't he?
25:50Yeah.
25:51Did he ever use words like pathetic and disappointment?
25:56Like, you're a pathetic disappointment.
25:58All the time, Malc.
25:59Yeah, all the time.
26:01You know, Dad got me to guarantee some business loan.
26:05And I paid the rent and all his medical bills.
26:08Not that I mind, of course.
26:10You don't win his family, do you, Malc?
26:12I half-hope to be something here to cover it all.
26:17You haven't taken it out of the boxes, have you?
26:19No.
26:20Seems like the only thing to his name was that Jag.
26:26Of course he never let me drive it.
26:28Lucky old you, eh?
26:30I've not been able to sit in it since he passed, you know.
26:33No.
26:35I don't know why I'm upset.
26:37No.
26:38He was horrible.
26:39Yeah, but he was our Dad, wasn't he?
26:43He was.
26:47I thought he'd have something sexy lying around.
26:49Me?
26:49Oh.
26:53It's what he would have wanted.
26:56Here you go.
26:57Okay.
26:57All right.
27:00That's, uh, probably not a lot.
27:02To John, Richard, Moskrip.
27:11A complicated old tosser.
27:14To Jackie.
27:15Tommy.
27:19Tommy.
27:20Oh, God.
27:21Oh, another late one with Tommy.
27:24Yeah.
27:25We had a really nice chat, though.
27:27Good.
27:27And then we watched John Wick 4 on his phone.
27:29You know, it's so good to know that it wasn't just me who had a rough time with me Dad.
27:35Oh, no.
27:35He was an arsehole to Tommy, too.
27:37Yeah.
27:37He was awful.
27:40Happy birthday, Dad.
27:41Oh.
27:42This is from Sadie.
27:45You'll get mine later at the party.
27:46Thank you, darling.
27:47She painted it herself.
27:48I did the writing.
27:49Her penmanship is abysmal.
27:50Let's have a look, shall we?
27:52What have you got?
27:54Oh, God.
27:54I love it.
27:56He loves it, Sadie.
27:57Look, it's got my name on it.
27:58Yeah.
27:59Oh, that's great.
28:00Oh, look.
28:00And this is for you.
28:01Happy birthday, little one.
28:02Oh.
28:02We got Sadie.
28:03Yeah.
28:03Sadie, Martha, Moskrip.
28:12Oh, Dad, I love that.
28:13It's all a gold as well.
28:15Oh, and I've got you this.
28:17Okay.
28:18Look at that gorgeous, Sadie.
28:21What's this?
28:22Oh, Tommy.
28:23Yeah, look.
28:23I'll buzz you in.
28:29Dad.
28:30Yeah, it's 300 quid.
28:32I want to open up a saving account.
28:33And Sadie's name, you know, and I thought that could be the first to buzz it.
28:36Feliz cumpleanos.
28:39Let's Spanish for happy birthday.
28:43Delighted to spend the day with my best ever brother, Los Dos Hermanos.
28:48The two Hermans.
28:50You look fabulous, Gemma.
28:52Finish him out.
28:52Could have given us a heads up that the party was formal dress.
28:55Oh, no, no, no.
28:56Gemma's got a job interview this afternoon.
28:58Oh, yeah?
28:59What is it?
28:59Well, a nice man or lady will ask me questions, and if they like my answers, they'll give me money.
29:03In exchange for my time and soul.
29:05Could change me and Sadie's life if I get it.
29:08You'll get it.
29:09Yeah, of course you will be.
29:10Do you want my advice?
29:11Oh, yep.
29:12Be yourself.
29:13Christ, no.
29:14Lie through your teeth.
29:15They've got a problem, and you're the solution.
29:17Yeah.
29:18And maybe rub yourself with freshly baked bread.
29:20People love the smell.
29:22Isn't that a tip for selling houses?
29:23Can't hurt.
29:25Right.
29:25Good suggestion, Malcolm.
29:27Good suggestion.
29:27I'll have the bag in full of you.
29:28Lovely cup of tea.
29:29Would you like some branded tap water?
29:41No, thanks.
29:44Oh.
29:45Dustin, I'll see you now.
29:47Third floor up, office five.
29:48Okay.
29:50God, it's a bit quiet, isn't it?
29:52Yeah, most people work from home on a Friday.
29:54Not me, though.
29:56Never me.
29:58Oh.
30:06Could somebody order face paints?
30:09I can do tigers or zebras, but if anyone wants a unicorn, they can F off.
30:13I'm not drawing a load of knobs on children's heads, it's not right.
30:16Hello, birthday boy.
30:18You can come over and paint my face later, if you like.
30:21Hello, Sadie Love.
30:23Here we go.
30:24Happy birthday, King.
30:25And before you ask, yes, I have got you a super awesome prezzy.
30:28And no, it is not another fucking novel about old ladies who self-crime.
30:32Oh, I love them.
30:33No, you don't, Malcolm.
30:34Derek, I'm thinking about giving Tommy the jack.
30:38Are you absolutely fucking insane?
30:40Oh, look, my dad left him with loads of debts and he always paid for everything, so I just
30:43thought it would be nice.
30:44Malcolm, have you got any actual proof he's even your brother?
30:45Well, his email is TommyMoscripLoversNachosAtHotmail.com.
30:49So fucking what?
30:50Oh, and I've seen his driving license.
30:52Yeah, because those are so impossible to fake.
30:55Check this out.
30:58Meet Randy Mondozo, Jebba Dye Fountain, Laertes McKenzie Reed.
31:04Sound like made-up names.
31:06Oh, do you want to say that to Jebba Dye's face?
31:07Because he will fucker slap you down, mate.
31:10He's from France.
31:12Look, you have to think about these things, big dog, okay?
31:14I bet I can internet detective Tommy's arse in under three seconds.
31:18Aha, there you go.
31:19See?
31:20Tommy Moscrip, pictured with Father Jackie outside famed Malaga...
31:23Oh, that looks real, actually.
31:24There he is.
31:29Blimey, Malcolm, you smell amazing.
31:32I swear, he's aging backwards.
31:34Have you lost weight?
31:35Well, I just didn't have any breakfast.
31:37Ah.
31:37I'll take those for you.
31:38Yeah.
31:42Okay, if he is your brother, something is up,
31:44because there is no fucking way he likes you that much.
31:47Hmm?
31:47Where are the car keys?
31:49In my pocket.
31:50If you give him that jag, Malcolm, I will disavow you.
31:53Don't make me disavow you on your birthday.
31:55Okay.
31:57What does disavow mean?
31:59I don't know.
32:00Heard it on a film.
32:00Huh?
32:07Um, is this part of the interview?
32:18Oh, my God.
32:19Help!
32:20Help!
32:21Oh, my God.
32:22I don't know how to use this.
32:24Epi pen.
32:25Pull off blue safety cap.
32:27Hold orange tip.
32:28Inject into thigh.
32:29Trousers on or off?
32:31Trousers on or off?
32:33Right, lie down.
32:34I don't want to...
32:35Touch him or it.
32:41Okay.
32:42Inject into thigh.
32:53Thanks.
32:55I sat on a bee.
32:57I'm Gemma, by the way.
32:57I'm here for the marketing interview.
33:01You didn't need to take my trousers off.
33:03Well, I didn't know if it would work without.
33:04It does say on the label.
33:07It's quite small writing.
33:07I was in a bit of a hurry.
33:09Yeah.
33:10Just a future reference.
33:11Charles, just stay on.
33:13Great.
33:14Do you want that back?
33:18Um, my husband's away, so the laundry's not been done.
33:24Hence the trunks.
33:25Oh.
33:27It's the right place for the birthday party.
33:29Oh, yeah?
33:31Jebediah Fountain booked the superhero show for, um, little Malcolm Moskowitz.
33:36Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, thank you.
33:38Changing room's over there.
33:38Thanks.
33:39Cheers, mate.
33:39Off you go.
33:40Isn't that...
33:41Yep, that's my prezi to you.
33:42Correct?
33:43Well, a superhero show.
33:44That's much more than that, Malcolm.
33:45Much more.
33:48Go and play with Sadie.
33:50And behave.
33:51Happy birthday.
33:53The blue one's for you.
33:54I know, it's so cliche.
33:56You'll never guess what it is.
33:57It's lit, Pam.
33:58Oh.
33:59Yeah.
34:00How much of the play equipment's bolted to the floor?
34:02None of it, I don't think.
34:03Fuck.
34:04Don't tip it over.
34:04Don't tip it over.
34:06Oh, Winnie.
34:08Coach are over there.
34:09Prezzy's on the side.
34:10Ooh, squat.
34:12Sorry, you are?
34:12I'm Dr Rush.
34:13I'm Gemma's GP.
34:15Oh.
34:15Um, do you know anybody else here?
34:17Uh, no.
34:19Uh, thankfully, I'm a hoot once the Sambuca starts flowing.
34:22No, no.
34:23Go on, shoo.
34:24Uh, there's squash on the side.
34:25Yeah, she'll find it, Malcolm.
34:27So, do you have any marketing experience, Gemma?
34:31Just because it says here that your current role is sweeping up hair.
34:36Well, actually, I'm on maternity leave.
34:38But, yeah, when I'm back, me and the broom were like this.
34:43Well, there's been an admin error.
34:45I don't know how you've slipped through the net, but this position's not for you.
34:50Please.
34:53Why do you even want this job?
34:55Because I love marketing.
34:57Nobody loves marketing.
34:59Okay.
35:02I didn't really want a proper career.
35:04Yeah.
35:05But then I had a baby.
35:08And all of a sudden, there's this helpless creature who needs me to look after her.
35:13And, you know, that's all on me.
35:14Ambulance, please.
35:15Are you okay?
35:17Epi pens were off, unfortunately.
35:18But please do, carry on.
35:19Right.
35:20So, yeah, there's this fire inside me now.
35:24Jackson House, Stockport, Whitfield and Hitchens, marketing.
35:27Uh-huh.
35:28And I just...
35:29I want to provide a better life for my baby.
35:32And for me.
35:34And this job, it would be the first step.
35:37Anaphylaxis.
35:38EpiPen administered with the effects are starting to wear off.
35:41And I really would give everything I've got to you.
35:44And this company.
35:46I just need someone to take a chance on me.
35:48It's a great pitch.
35:51It's exactly the sort of spirit we're looking for, actually.
35:54Unfortunately, you are still not qualified for the job.
35:58Look, there is a junior position in our Glasgow office.
36:02I think you'd be perfect for it.
36:04Glasgow?
36:06Yeah, do you want it?
36:10Yeah, I do.
36:11I really want it.
36:13Well, congratulations, Gemma.
36:14You've just joined the rat race.
36:16I'm going to get in the recovery position now.
36:18Oh, if you could just wait in reception for the ambulance and let her know I'm up here.
36:23Yes.
36:27So I did get the job?
36:29Affirmative.
36:29Oh, happy birthday, baby girl.
36:46How did it go?
36:48How was the interview?
36:49Yeah.
36:50I got offered a job.
36:51Oh, great.
36:53Congratulations.
36:53Congratulations.
36:54Yeah, it's in Glasgow.
36:57Right.
37:00Which is why I turned it down.
37:02What do you mean you turned it down?
37:04Yeah, well, I accepted it at first, but then called them back on the drive here.
37:08Can't leave you lot.
37:09Gem.
37:10Er, excuse me?
37:12A little bird told me that you were looking for a job with career prospects.
37:16You should have said.
37:18Let me train you up.
37:20I can get a grant to send you to college.
37:21You could be the next Nicky Campbell.
37:23Nicky Clark?
37:25Hmm.
37:25Even better.
37:27Oh, there we are.
37:28They're coming.
37:29There we are.
37:29Come on.
37:31Come on.
37:32All right, boys and girls.
37:35Who likes superheroes?
37:37Malcolm does.
37:38No, he doesn't.
37:39Yeah, I do, I do.
37:40I do, Derek.
37:40I love them.
37:41Okay.
37:42I am the legally distinct American captain.
37:45Dilf Rogers.
37:46Well, it's not just me today.
37:47You won't like him.
37:49Please welcome the honk.
37:51Rawr!
37:53Rawr!
37:54Honk punch.
37:55Rawr!
37:56Punch.
37:56Honk punch.
37:57Little honk punch.
37:58Honk punch.
37:59Honk elbow punch.
38:00That's also working for me.
38:02Why?
38:02Why is it working for me?
38:04Jesus, do I know you at all?
38:06Uh, Gemma, can you be quite pleased?
38:08Have you no respect for the answer, Cherry?
38:11No.
38:12Our story begins in space.
38:16Once upon a time, in a planet not so far from this one.
38:32Wait, where's the cake?
38:33What?
38:34Well, you did get one then.
38:35I thought you were being all modern.
38:37No, it was on the side in the kitchen.
38:39Is it a woke flavour?
38:40Oh, my God.
38:41What would be a woke flavoured birthday cake?
38:44Red velvet.
38:44Red velvet.
38:45For fuck's sake.
38:46Look, I'll go and get it.
38:47Just, you enjoy the party, all right?
38:51Rita.
38:52Stop it.
38:52Stop it.
38:53Stop it, Margo.
38:53Stop it.
39:09Stop it.
39:12Stop it.
39:17Stop it.
39:17what's going on tommy milk what are you doing
39:42you know i deserve that fucking car more than you do i put up with dad's shit for years
39:50so you thought you'd steal from us what from sadie where are the car keys malcolm
39:55i've got a flight to catch and a dealer waiting to take it off my hands derek's got them so i could
40:01call him and then he'd come around hey so what do you think about that yeah yeah just like our dad
40:08aren't you yeah we're both cursed with that one malcolm what do you mean you heard gemma she
40:15turned that job down because of you could have been a ticket to a better life but no she's stuck
40:20here with her sad old man well that's not what's happening i spent 20 fucking years of our dad
40:25i hated him towards the end yeah well i won't let you steal off sadie
40:29no you don't get up don't go don't go don't go to it you have no idea what a gift he gave you
40:39he got out your fucking way
40:41that's what he did
40:53and there is nowhere left for your head to turn yeah there's nowhere left for your head to turn
41:21history repeating but without the learning now if they spend their energy
41:29coming for anybody who doesn't get it right who really gets it right
41:39and i'm a ghost it's a machine and now they're following where i've been but what are you looking for i'm just like you but boring
41:51and in the end i'm coming clean i spent my whole life lying about the things i want about the things i should have done
42:04why is birth tea boy taking so long
42:14dad
42:16what are you doing
42:41what are you doing
42:43you'd have taken that job if it hadn't been for me wouldn't you i'm holding you back
42:48don't be stupid
42:50you said it would have changed your life
42:52no but i don't want to change it
42:55i want to grow it here with you
42:58just saying that aren't you
43:00god
43:01now i wish i got your therapy for your birthday instead of that very lovely jumper that's waiting for you inside
43:06i can't do this without you dad i need you
43:13you know i love you
43:17we love you
43:21we love you
43:23but i love you too
43:25can we go back into the party
43:28yeah
43:29rita wants me to paint her face
43:32i bet she does
43:34oh my god can you lot keep the noise down
43:38are you alright brenda
43:40are you alright brenda
43:42are you alright brenda
43:44You
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