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00:00Previously on Love and Marriage Huntsville.
00:03I was told you left to go be there for your little grandbag.
00:06From Latisha.
00:07And let me tell you, your friend
00:08needs to keep my family's business out her mouth.
00:13I have no intentions of saying anything about you
00:16that's negative whatsoever.
00:18Likewise.
00:18None.
00:19Yeah, and I feel that.
00:21Can we just end right there?
00:22And I feel that.
00:23I hope you know it's genuine.
00:26You know, it's torn.
00:27It's actually my god, brother.
00:29Trish has told me that he's interested
00:31and might take him up on the offer.
00:33How do you feel about that?
00:35I mean, what can I say, right?
00:37I just hit the baby.
00:38You're being forthcoming, so I appreciate that.
00:40And I bless that.
00:43Trish trying to hook up Destiny and Twan.
00:45Did you hit the baby?
00:47No, I didn't.
00:48Your relationship is with Ken.
00:49Y'all are the two adults.
00:51At the end of the day, you have to have
00:52a communicative relationship with that man.
00:55The key is y'all have a conversation with later.
00:57I'll take that one.
00:59This relationship, bro.
01:00I think ultimately, bro, I'm just fed up.
01:02If she doesn't get the help this needs, I'm out.
01:07We keep it moving.
01:09All day, all night.
01:11Yeah.
01:12Ain't no stopping us.
01:14Drop that.
01:15We ain't stopping.
01:18You know, you know.
01:20We keep it moving.
01:25All day, all night.
01:27Yeah.
01:28Yeah.
01:29All day, all night.
01:30Yeah.
01:31All day, all night.
01:32Yeah.
01:33Ain't no stopping us.
01:34Yeah.
01:35Put it all in the vines just to get to the goal.
01:37Parts out for the world like a UFO.
01:38Thought I would have never made it, but you ain't no.
01:39I can get it done in the way I can go.
01:40Ground.
01:41Up.
01:42Ground.
01:43Up.
01:44One more.
01:45Ground.
01:46Up.
01:47One more.
01:48All right.
01:49Keep going.
01:50Keep going.
01:53Come on.
01:54Push it, one more.
01:55Squeeze through the chest.
01:55Push it.
01:56Push it.
01:57Push it.
01:58Lock it.
01:59Now, up, all right, keep going, keep going.
02:06Come on, push it, one more.
02:07Squeeze through the chest.
02:11Push it, push it, push it, lock it.
02:16So I've been training Xavier for quite a while now,
02:19and I'm glad we're getting this session in,
02:20because there's been a lot of tension in the house,
02:22and I just want to know where he is mentally.
02:24If anything, I want to work on my leg more,
02:25get more muscle, especially on this leg,
02:28because this one's still kind of stronger.
02:30Than that leg?
02:31Yeah.
02:32So we can do legs together.
02:33I also want to do more core workouts.
02:35Oblix.
02:36You want some obliques?
02:37Yeah, I want some obliques.
02:38You didn't even got a waist.
02:40What you mean?
02:41Your waist is about this small.
02:43I really eat kind of.
02:44Yeah, it is.
02:46Your waist is this small, your body goes like a Dorito.
02:49That's how your body is, like a Dorito.
02:52You got to eat a lot of protein.
02:54That protein powder.
02:55I'm trying to eat more.
02:57Yeah, you got to eat more of the right stuff.
03:00You been OK?
03:01I'm feeling all right.
03:03Sure.
03:04Positive.
03:05Because you know, people say they're OK all the time.
03:08I do it all the time and don't really be OK.
03:12So I just want to make sure you were OK.
03:15Like, we hadn't really sat down and talked about all the,
03:20really all the chaos that's been going on,
03:22but didn't get to see how you really felt.
03:26You know, it's honestly kind of a lot.
03:33I will say I've been trying to, I guess, distract myself more,
03:38is what I say.
03:40Distract yourself more for?
03:43Just not letting my thoughts go on the deep end,
03:49trying to focus.
03:53Trying to focus on my future.
03:57I don't want to be depressed, I guess, as in deep end.
04:00I have probably, you know, I don't cry a lot,
04:03but I probably have cried probably like twice.
04:05So when I mean deep end, I just don't want to be sad.
04:11I don't want to just stay sad.
04:14It's been a lot of fighting, not even just between you
04:18and dad, but also between you, Ken, too.
04:23Yeah.
04:24Yes, it has.
04:25Co-parenting with two narcissists will never be.
04:27Bro, y'all, you learn the narcissist's word and just.
04:30Bro, you're a bum.
04:32What?
04:33Oh, I'm sober.
04:34Are you sure?
04:35I'm positive.
04:36Because now you're feeling about .
04:38Trish, you should really be ashamed
04:39of how you doing my son and my daughter right now.
04:41How?
04:42Hey, hey, one and a half minute.
04:44One and a half minute.
04:45Get it, y'all.
04:46Get it.
04:46Stop.
04:47Ah, ah, ah, ah.
04:48Don't come to my idea, this .
04:50Oh, my gosh.
04:52Y'all got me up.
04:54.
04:57Uh-oh.
04:58Honestly, Ken's a cool guy.
05:00Ken is very nice, and I appreciate him for a lot of stuff.
05:05I know it's been hard for Ken, so I've been trying to, when I talk to him, I'd just be
05:08like, it's going to be good to stay positive.
05:11I don't know, honestly, I just hate to see people that, you know, I care about fight, say hurtful
05:18things, say mean things, really try to act like y'all hate each other, and I'm just like,
05:24none of y'all, like, y'all don't, I hate each other, man.
05:27You know, I don't like, I don't like any of that.
05:30And you, like I said, you're not the only one.
05:32I tell dad the same thing.
05:34Yeah.
05:35You, there's just some stuff you should just not be saying at all.
05:39And it does, that's it, that's the thing I try to distract myself from, because it really
05:44does hurt me.
05:45I do not like any negative words towards you, I don't like it towards my dad, I don't like
05:51any of that.
05:52So, that's just been the only thing that's just been kind of eating at me, but at some
06:00point in time, I felt like I couldn't really talk to you.
06:02Yeah, see, that's crazy, yeah.
06:06Really, all it takes is communication, like, y'all, we need to just talk it through.
06:10Mm-hmm.
06:11I feel like Kent also is kind of going just through a little bit, because he's have to,
06:16he's had to do a little bit, and...
06:19You're right, because we'd be already on edge, so it's just saying, I agree.
06:23You're right, son.
06:24You're definitely right.
06:28So, hearing from Xavier that when Kent and I fight, it really hurts him,
06:32really bothers me and hurts me a lot, um, like, a lot.
06:37So, I feel like there's something I need to fix, something I need to do, um, to make
06:42this family better to where it was in the beginning.
06:45So I think it's time Kent and I have a talk.
06:47I am going to do everything possible in my power to make sure we'll be able to back up
06:52and give back to our fun and happy selves.
06:54I'm gonna always have your back.
06:56Yeah.
06:57Always.
06:58Thank you, ma'am.
07:01You know, I always got your back, too.
07:03Don't even worry about it.
07:04Oh, you're just my type, uh, my type, my type, my type, my type.
07:18Really want to tell you right, uh, my type, my type, my type, my type.
07:26This place is dusty.
07:29This thing is nasty.
07:32Look, oh, Lord, how massive good.
07:34What is you doing up there?
07:35You won't do it.
07:36I gotta do it.
07:37Damn.
07:38You all up in there.
07:39I'm glad I got tops on.
07:41How long have I been asking you to do this?
07:43How, like, seriously?
07:44Please, please, please.
07:45Come on down.
07:46Jump down.
07:47You gonna finish it for me later?
07:48Ah, yeah, I'll finish it.
07:49Come on, get you something to drink.
07:50Oh, you know what?
07:51You can hire my maid back.
07:54As usual, I have to do all the chores around the house.
07:59Why do we need to hire the housekeeper?
08:01I can do what the housekeeper does.
08:03You're not.
08:04What the hell you mean?
08:05I can.
08:06You're not a good.
08:07You are not a good replacement for the housekeeper.
08:12Hire my damn housekeeper back.
08:15Well, this is nice.
08:17I can't stand in here with you in a minute.
08:20I know.
08:21So I was boxing with Twan and Lance.
08:24Apparently, I don't know, Destiny's interested in dating Twan.
08:30Wait a minute.
08:33Say what?
08:34You heard me.
08:35Get the out of here.
08:37You heard me.
08:38Nope.
08:39I've got some Lance friend.
08:40Yes.
08:41Destiny wants to date him.
08:43Mm-hmm.
08:44But I said I did have a problem with it.
08:47And then Lance was like, but why?
08:49I gave Destiny my blessing.
08:53The .
08:54That's crazy to hear.
08:56I don't know how it transpired.
08:57Well, he was how I took it.
08:59I don't know what the hell Lance got going on with Destiny.
09:02But it's kind of, to me, it's almost like he feels a sense of,
09:07is it guilt?
09:08Is that the right word?
09:09Um, I wouldn't want to say guilt for him.
09:12Is that something really that Destiny wants to do?
09:15Or is Destiny pulling a, like, a page out of Martell's book?
09:21Like being petty?
09:22You know what I'm saying?
09:23Oh, okay.
09:24So you're going to have a, you're going to go and have a child.
09:26You say you didn't know, but you're going to go have a child.
09:28Then I'm going to go date your friend.
09:30You know, that's petty bull .
09:32So yeah, um, but anyway, I met with Destiny to see where we stand.
09:40Oh, her re-evaluating your relationship?
09:43Yeah.
09:44Exactly.
09:45She felt some type of way about Letitia Scott telling her that I knew that Lance had a child on the way.
09:57Letitia told Destiny this?
09:59Yes.
10:00Letitia told Destiny that I knew Lance had a child on the way.
10:06No.
10:07And that's what I told her.
10:08Well, that's, that's not true.
10:10No.
10:11Got her damn nose somewhere it don't belong.
10:14Mm-hmm.
10:15Well, you know.
10:16And telling Destiny.
10:17It's Destiny's friend.
10:18Yeah, you're right.
10:19It is.
10:20Considering all the things that she said has been said about hers and she do not like,
10:27Letitia should know that talking about people's families is off limits.
10:32But, um, me and Destiny, we're good where we stand.
10:36And I think, I think we'll, I think we'll be okay.
10:40I just have to wait and see.
10:43You know, I said the same thing about me and Letitia.
10:45I thought we was gonna be okay, but apparently she's still running that mouth.
10:48So, I don't really know who I'm okay with in this group, to be honest.
10:57Coming up on Love and Marriage Huntsville.
10:59I definitely need a person that can accept me for who I am.
11:03And I'm a lot of different people.
11:04For real?
11:05Yep.
11:06That's crazy.
11:07It's always how you feel, how the kids feel.
11:11Ain't nobody ever put in a conscious ever about, hey, how does Ken feel?
11:15Do you want to be here?
11:17Yeah.
11:18Pretty girl swag.
11:20Hey guys.
11:29I got pretty girl swag.
11:31I got it.
11:32Let's go.
11:33Make it for it.
11:35Make it for it.
11:36I got pretty girl swag.
11:38Make it pretty girl swag.
11:39Uh, table for two.
11:41Table for two.
11:42Today I'm meeting Twan, who was my previous bodyguard for an event.
11:46guard for an event for a business luncheon i'm very nervous and that's not like me at all
11:54hello how you doing miss destiny how you doing how you doing good to see you
12:00the whole point of this luncheon is for swan to guard my body at events so i invited you here
12:06because i wanted to talk business first and foremost okay i don't know some things have
12:10happened in life and i feel like as i go to more events i probably should have somebody there for
12:16security reasons sure enough and i felt like you were very professional appreciate you did a great
12:22job um guarding my body that's yeah that's that's usually the point we still thought that it was an
12:31interesting event and it was this whole thing about me making googly eyes yeah what was that about
12:39anyway did you feel like i was making googly eyes at you yeah how do you make googly eyes i don't know
12:42i don't know how you do that it's like this right not like that i hope we was vibing we just it was
12:49a vibe it was like i'm there for you i wasn't there for anybody else so anytime you said something i'm
12:54right there lockstep so uh maybe it was me smiling i have no idea why were you smiling i mean you're
13:02beautiful so you know i mean well thank you i didn't think you were making googly eyes at me but
13:07i mean at the same time i could be wrong i don't know i don't know i don't know what's that i don't
13:12remember i don't know i don't know i mean i'm not blind you are attractive i appreciate you
13:19i heard some things and i don't know um about me trish has said something about you asked about me i
13:26don't know if that's true or not i don't remember talking to trish maybe i may have said something i don't
13:32know i had a conversation with lance and i told him if you were interested that i might see what it
13:40is and then he let me know that he was your god brother yes he is i did not know that that made that
13:47conversation very awkward um yeah but he was like oh i'll give you your blessing if it happens i said but
13:53but it's been nothing but professional so i don't even know if that's true i'm just letting you know so
13:56you don't have to find out on the internet like i found out about your kid on the internet no wow
14:03it's kind of well i mean it's just the truth i had to talk with him too
14:08no the conversation was interesting i just told him you know we'll see i told him that the
14:12conversation needed to be had kind of like now so you talked the lens did you talk to my mama
14:18you say mama that's like i had to put out there like that because i know that's probably how she
14:25did your mama if you did talk to her i'm pretty sure i did i did talk to her and you know being um
14:31before even the whole land situation me and they'll have been like this she had a little you know she
14:37felt a little way what she said what didn't she say you know how she is i do mama pressed me to
14:45see if me and you had had sex huh yeah like that was crazy that lady be so out of line this is
14:52ridiculous like she need to quit worrying about people's sex life first of all where about her and
14:58chris but i really think that friendship building a friendship is important first because like if
15:04i'm dating i'm dating multiple people like and again that does not mean being intimate because people
15:11confuse that um miss neil being one of them does that bother you dating other people no it's just
15:17i i know how i know how i move like building friendships and everything that makes it a whole
15:22lot easier to deal with you know a woman possibly dating around or whatever somebody might ask you out
15:27and i'm like okay cool yeah i definitely need a person that can accept me for who i am and i'm a lot of
15:34different people that's crazy just turned into a horror movie just a thriller real quick
15:40it's not a horror movie yeah i'm pretty sure no i think i mean a man that is with a woman that can
15:45be different women is that's exciting yeah to a certain extent i mean i'm not saying they all crazy
15:53maybe one of them i don't know man it's like as soon as your head start turning like that i'm like
15:57see what i would like to do outside of the business partners yeah build a friendship this
16:02conversation from the times i've actually done security with you you seem like you're cool
16:07who would have known i'd be sitting talking to destiny patty okay payton not patten but i'm gonna give
16:15him a pass because i didn't even know what his name was at all for a long time he was just the bodyguard
16:23it's cool to get to know somebody i would have never even thought i would have had the chance
16:27to get a little so you got it did i tell you that you look nice yeah i did did i tell you you look
16:34nice you did i did uh-huh coming up on love and marriage huntsville you know i took your advice on
16:48you know marzo so we uh said that we had a little bit we don't deserve to be mistreated because
16:56we're having negative thoughts i don't mistreat you or do anything wrong based off of what i've
17:02got going on in my brain or what somebody done did to me five six seven years ago
17:07so ken and i've been taking a little cool down since our last fight just trying to keep our
17:30distance from each other to keep frustration down for one i hate to see my kids hurt and to see xavier
17:35hurt is like wow okay trisha you got to do something so i think it's time that i have a talk with kenny kenny
17:50yes babe
17:51let's talk what's going on let's talk about this issue we just had so we can get clarity on
18:05where it went left yeah i definitely i definitely think we need to have this conversation these last
18:13few days been kind of stressful yeah definitely stressful i know we talk about all the things i
18:20need to work on and it's this wall it seems like i have built up i don't think no true effort has been
18:28putting been put into actually making the the proper changes that we need for our relationship to go
18:35forward i think just lingers around we talk about it it just lingers and lingers and lingers and two
18:41months done went past and ain't nothing that ain't nothing happened i ultimately have no control and
18:46when i don't have no control over my life i don't like that do you want to be here
18:50i was actually wanting to leave like it's been it's that stressful it's been that stressful for me
19:03but at the end of the day there has to be a change in regards to the way i feel the way people treat
19:10me the things that are said to me like it's always how you feel how the kids feel ain't nobody ever put in
19:17a conscious ever about hey how does ken feel when i'm angry when i'm frustrated when i'm mad y'all
19:26still get the same amount type of love when you're frustrated you're angry and you're mad i might not
19:32even eat that day y'all don't even y'all won't even talk to me most of the time and that sucks and a lot
19:37of the times don't be having nothing to do with me i don't mistreat you or doing anything wrong based
19:42off of what i've got going on in my brain or what somebody done did to me five six seven years ago
19:49kenny sometimes you will you will reflect off the energy like it like it does have something
19:53to do with you and sometimes i just be quiet in a zone just thinking about life i don't even be
19:58having an attitude sometimes sometimes talk but sometimes you will take it as an attitude where
20:03we've been past that i'm talking about the actual when the actual anger does come out when you actually
20:09snapping at people when you're those are the moments where we have those that's because the
20:14energy in the house has changed because of you no but sometimes it'd be just because i'd just be
20:19sitting there quiet okay and then i come off oh oh she's mad or something no i'm just thinking we
20:25don't deserve to be mistreated because we're having negative thoughts you know what i'm saying i can't do
20:31that so we have to be able to control our emotions we have to be able to to even when we having those
20:38motions be able to operate in them in a positive way you don't have to control our aggressions
20:46so what do we what what what happens from here because like i said even now like right now like
20:53we can't have it it's we it's even in this conversation it's showing that we can't have
20:58the conversation without it being a back and forth i think a lot of the frustrations in our relationship
21:03stem from things that i have nothing to do with and i think your personal trauma shouldn't be
21:08allowed to determine the way you treat other people what fueled you to be like in the gym so
21:13heavy anger i think i was mad at the world i was mad at life i was you know mad at life that was taken
21:21from me yeah my mom and dad passed seven months apart my sister passed in my hands zarya's sitting there
21:28watching me trying to pump life into her i'm trying to pump life into her so it was it was hard
21:33it's okay i'm sorry trish when i disappeared i disappeared from the world i think i disappeared
21:41for myself i understand what trish has went through in her past and i'm trying so hard to kind of
21:48continue to be patient but if she doesn't get the help and the proper therapy that she needs
21:52yeah it's probably definitely not going to work for us okay so where do we start um
21:57what do like what steps do we need to take it has to be some change as far as like therapy
22:10i mean i think i've been pretty damn patient with it's been three years but that's something that you
22:16have to take the lead on i personally man i can't keep getting beat over the head for some i ain't do
22:21i can't go another six months going through if it if it if there's no actions taking place it's not
22:28gonna change coming up on loving marriage huntsville i want to thank you for being willing to trust me
22:40a total stranger with the private parts of your life who is trisha i think i'm a very angry soul right
22:50now there is a difference between an angry person an angry soul
23:14this is some good stuff
23:20what are you knocking now yeah what are you up to trying to see what the kids are doing
23:28like stuff they completed like their work and if it's on time
23:34lance Riley made it oh my god yeah i really don't want to go out there i'm kind of like trying to let
23:40him do his thing come on let's check it out and see what he's doing because i'm sure there's some more
23:45work to be done and you might want to tell him why he has the guys here so they hear it and he hears it
23:50too lance has finally stopped by the daycare to squeeze his sweet mother in get some work done
23:56considering that he's giving me a discount i think that's why i get put on a back burner i'm not paying
24:03full price like um the rest of his customers but he need to complete my job soon i just want to make
24:12sure everything gonna be right i want to make sure i'm gonna have my trimming around here i want to make
24:17sure you're gonna paint that back blue well wipe it down first then paint it back blue this gonna be
24:22sand down really well run it smooth of course right and then paint it how long is it going to take
24:28to actually get this done just take me two two full-on nights i can't say days of course we got
24:33to work at night all right okay okay so in two days we'll knock this out you step up what's up marty
24:40mark what's her name what's happening what's happening i saw y'all cars out here i said let me
24:46start behind y'all are you working too i'm in here giving orders you know it's my business
24:51well you do everything that's what i'm talking about what you're doing up here
24:54isn't it good to see you popping up over at the um investment property i don't know i think maybe you
24:59know oh you and marshal been acting i thought maybe you wanted to come by this daycare
25:05he'll be right here behind me then how's how's it going for you the investment property
25:09moving my old lady in there oh okay so arian gonna move in yeah her and the kids yeah okay
25:15yeah all right yeah so you ain't making no profit or nothing no you ain't making a profit you got
25:22arian in there oh oh well hey really because i've been paying that rent forever i ain't got no
25:30mortgage you know what i'm saying you paying the rent where she at now uh yeah oh hell yeah move her
25:35ass in i said i'm winning winning right now god dang it yeah oh yeah that makes sense yeah
25:41let me get in with my team look i finished my work first that's why i'm here you know i took your
25:47advice on me doing marceau so we uh we said that we had a little bit yeah man was it like a we came
25:54too positive very positive you know he tried to do a lot of talking but i think that was the first
26:02time i ever out talked him oh really i i i i i i i i i really i i talked him did you have a drink
26:11he was over he was over there trying to look pretty with a cigar i was straight there just
26:15yeah he tried but but but at the end you know we came to an agreement
26:20we don't talk negative about each other nor our significant others so that that's the
26:26that's the agreement we got you know um i mean i i guess as time progressed we'll just see how the
26:32relationship builds though you know what i'm saying that that's the agreement that's a hell of
26:36agreement no i mean i mean it's doable but that's that's just between you and marceau right i can see
26:42that yeah arian and latisha haven't talked they they haven't it's gonna females are different
26:48that's what i'm saying hey it is so so my thing is hopefully marcel and i will be able to see eye
26:53to eye and um if or when tisha and arian do talk i mean if they do have their words we're there to
27:00you know diffuse it and calm them down you know yeah but that's good y'all did come to a um happy
27:07medium i would say yeah yeah so to hear that martel has made up with the scots um it's very huge
27:14i know because i've had my problems with them and they all are stubborn as hell even martel so for
27:22me i'm pretty impressed if that's the case then i feel like maybe maybe we should do something else
27:28get the group together something to maybe have some fun activities no so we don't want to start
27:34no more drama so i'm happy that you know marcel and i that we're okay but you know there's a lot of
27:41issues still going on amongst the group ken here's the old lady neil and tisha i'm just having a
27:48meeting play some adult games some type of adult games or something adult games as in sexual type
27:53not that kind regular games you know car games yeah car game okay there's nothing too challenging
28:00that's gonna get people all riled up right it's just fun right yeah we'll have a lot of fun well i'm
28:04about to get up out of here and i guess i'll be seeing y'all at game night game night but y'all put it
28:09on it's gonna be sooner than later oh we'll put it yeah we're gonna do it for sure for okay all right
28:14um are you gonna talk to tisha about what whatever y'all got going on i ain't got going on that's
28:21just oh it's just her the only thing i said she need to keep my name out of mouth mouth that's the
28:26same thing that i'll be tripping on to five years martel has actually made up with marceau and they both
28:34pretty damn messy so now we just have to see what happens next you ain't talking about your
28:41you ain't talking about mine that's real that's real easy that's very easy don't be scared to put
28:45your out there exactly because if you don't i am exactly side chick number two coming
28:54coming up on loving mary swansfield do you know it takes strength to grieve and if you don't do your
28:59grief work people who are dependent on you and they don't get the opportunity to get close to you
29:06i don't want to get close to people when we lose them
29:30i don't like resurfacing any pain anger sadness thoughts memories any of that i just like to keep
29:37it bottled up but i do recognize that there are um things that i need to fix when i get angry
29:46because that's a pattern i want to i want to break
29:48all right good morning good evening welcome thanks you look a little bit shaken there but
29:58it's gonna be all right please have a seat right over here okay okay oh my name is kitson frances
30:06i'm trisha trisha i want to thank you for being willing to trust me a total stranger
30:14with the private parts of your life you know and we're gonna work our way through this all right
30:23where would you like to start i just feel like the last
30:28you feel like the last 10 12 years life has just been a roller coaster going down
30:39how would you describe this emotional roller coaster
30:42i think it all started when um i lost my parents and my sister first it was
30:52i don't know i was just angry with life because
30:56family kind of kind of fell apart we were very very close the whole family well when they were here
31:05how many siblings you had it's the five of us five out of all people who are left who's a leader
31:23i would say me i don't know i guess i think all of us felt lost
31:28all of us felt lost when we lost my dad it was like we i don't know it was like we we lost our drill
31:39sergeant you lost your drill sergeant who's but you know but but you know you know you know drill
31:45sergeants are not always nice though they take you know about five o'clock in the morning they do all
31:48kind of things well he was he did he was retired military oh he was our everything and how close were
31:58you to your dad
32:03well
32:08very very my dad was actually my best friend
32:11are you like your dad i try to be i always want to be like that guy i think we all did what if i
32:22told you that you succeeded in that doing that as much as i love my dad i think a part of my anger
32:32comes from him too are you willing to talk about that part
32:36i feel like
32:42he tried to teach us all these rules in life and how to be great people and
32:54represent him in the world and everything it's just
33:00i didn't understand until i got older do as i say it not as i do
33:03you didn't follow what she was trying to teach us and tell us
33:10otherwise she would still be here oh he didn't follow through and it angers me sometimes how did
33:17you let him know you were angry i didn't i didn't process all of it until he was gone
33:22like why didn't you
33:32i don't know if you knew that while he was alive did you ask him then no but i would have
33:41i didn't think about it then how you feel about you not asking him then as you're sitting right here
33:46it's part of failure that i think about part failure
33:55so what does it feel like then for you to be the one that they are dependent on
34:00i'm okay with it it's just
34:12i'm okay with being strong for everyone it's i think i'm i don't know a very angry soul right now
34:19you're angry my grief turns to anger that's the problem when your grief turns to anger what do you
34:25do with the anger where do you put it how do you act it out i go to the gym and when you go to the gym
34:32i redirect my pain you redirect your pain from mental to physical from mental to physical so how
34:39many days do you go to the gym every day every day so so when you're done at the gym how do you feel
34:49exhausted tired sometimes and then you either go back to it in the morning or you take it home with
34:57you which one do you do sometimes it it comes back home with it comes back home with you you know why
35:07it comes back home with you because there is a difference between between externalizing putting
35:12something out touching things moving some ways but it's always here so you really don't leave it at
35:23the gym what you do is to go act out your bitterness at the gym and because the gym does not have a way of
35:32arguing with you it's a safe place for you to act out
35:37it's anger there is a difference between an angry person an angry soul why because a person can be
35:47anything out here but your soul is like right inside of here and this is where your anger is like right
35:54inside inside of here and so let's go ahead and just take your time
36:13there is a difference between an angry person an angry soul and so let's go ahead and just take your time
36:43okay
36:54i'm just angry and tired there are reasons why you are tired why you are angry and that's what we're
37:04looking for i don't know i guess life happenings just a lot do you know it takes strength degree
37:13it also requires you to get in touch with not just your strength but your weakness
37:21strength and weakness is saying
37:29i know who i am i want to do something i don't have the strength to do it so i need a spotter
37:37so you're in the gym right and you want to increase your strength and your power and you need a spotter
37:46they help you out in case you can't lift it well i thought i had a spotter he didn't turn out to be a
37:53spotter he turned out to be a part of the lost pain and the grief my spotter was supposed to be my ex
38:02marquez but obviously he let the weights fall on me so i just tend to just try it on my own
38:12and if you don't do your grief work people who are dependent on you to see your humane side that
38:19soft side if people never get to see that they have a picture of you and then when they don't help you
38:25and they because they think they don't have to you might go away thinking that people don't help you
38:30why why you created that and they don't get the opportunity to get close to you
38:36yeah i don't like getting close to people you don't like getting close to people
38:41i don't like to deal with i don't want to get close to people and lose them
38:46yes the degree of attachment that you have with a person will determine the degree of loss and pain
38:54you go through when they are no longer available and you just basically came all the way back
38:58around and said yes that's what it is it's definitely harder opening up in my relationship
39:06now it's because i don't know i guess i just lost that trust in people
39:13and here is the big thing that i'm going to ask you to do if you can accomplish this
39:17you would have accomplished a whole lot it's very simple it's going to require you to trust yourself
39:27to trust somebody that you are emotionally close to
39:34we're going to have to have some role reversal right here so that they can or you will allow them
39:40to take care of you then you will begin to see the strength that lies in what you think is weakness
39:56you're being very strong right now when you don't have to be maybe i don't know
40:02so dr francis suggests that i allow more people to support me more
40:07maybe if i learn to lean on ken and my family instead of doing it all by myself
40:12i'll be less likely to lash out and be angry at everyone but it's hard when i'm so used to helping
40:18and not receiving the help thank you for you to trust me with all of as much as you did it was hard
40:27it's hard next on love and marriage huntsville and he moved he stepped away for a little while
40:38i hope that you trying to be more vulnerable with him
40:44destiny said you said keep my name out of your mouth i did say that
40:48hello
40:55so nell why did you guys leave la early
41:00that's none of your business i don't owe you anything
41:04how much y'all know about destiny good wholesome girl
41:06good wholesome girl yeah that's not what i want
41:10oh what you want to hear that's not she down for the call tonight you got the one night to prove you're
41:15worth
41:17hey now let me tell you something i dump your ass in that pool you keep
41:21homing at me
41:23let me tell you something you want
41:27keep homing at me
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