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03:09Çünkü bu taksi gibi tek çok farklı bir şey miydam.
03:13Bu bir bakım var.
03:15Bu bir bakım var.
03:16Bu bir bir yürek var.
03:18Bu bir yürek var.
03:20Bu bir bu?
03:22Bu bir bakım bir bakım var.
03:24Bu bakımda bir bakım var.
03:26Bu bir bakım var.
03:28Ben bu çığlıkla alakta mıydı.
03:30Evet, evet.
03:31Evet, bu benim.
03:32Evet, evet.
03:33Evet, evet.
03:34Evet, evet evet.
03:35Bir şeyin sana bir bakım var.
03:38Bir de bir bakım var.
03:39İzlediğiniz için teşekkür ederim.
04:09Oh yes please, thank you very much
04:13There you go, thank you for giving me the box as well
04:23You don't want the box do you?
04:24No thank you
04:25We are live on your telly right now
04:26You can send us any questions you want to ask us about the news
04:28Message us on Instagram, the hashtags is it ok
04:31WhatsApp, use the number 07956175908
04:34Or you can scan the QR code on your screen
04:36For example, is it ok that this week Russia unveiled their first ever AI robot?
04:42Yes it is
04:42Yes, I was just sorry
04:43Is it ok that judging by this exposing clip
04:45We kind of don't need to be scared by Russian AI just yet
04:48Remember, is its long show that you wouldn't have to get away with you
05:04Sh 작업, it takes a step of right
05:07It takes a step of right
05:09It takes a step of right
05:09них means pop
05:10We want to get away with you
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11:13It's worth pointing out though that the report that highlighted the
11:24edits of the BBC also found that overall BBC News had been totally unbiased and impartial
11:29in its coverage of the US election.
11:31The truth is the BBC is one of the last bastions of real news.
11:35And this week Keir Starmer said absolutely nothing to defend it.
11:39So we will.
11:41Listen to me Donald Trump.
11:43The BBC might not be perfect but it's called auntie for a reason.
11:47Because it's family.
11:48Sure it's a family member whose views we don't always agree with.
11:52Whose decision making is sometimes annoying and who's weirdly obsessed with Vernon Kaye.
11:55But we love them.
11:56And by crikey we're inviting them to dinner anyway.
11:59So I'm going to say this to you Donald Trump.
12:01Something I reckon you hear a lot at family dinners.
12:04Stay the fuck away from our auntie.
12:07You, absolute dick, you're the one here with two real feet.
12:09And you're besting glass!
12:10I'm so sorry.
12:12But you two are all right?
12:13I've got double the chance of stepping on that.
12:14Bravo !
12:15Ha ha ha ha ha ha
12:26You absolute dick, you're the one here with two real feet in your dressing glass
12:31I'm so sorry but you two are alright, I've got double the chance of stepping on that
12:39Fucking hell, I'm so sorry
12:41I got so excited by the BBC I smashed a glass.
12:44It was like the Queen Vic, it was exactly like that.
12:47Sorry, move on. God, why are we dwelling on this?
12:51Look, it is weird to see Donald Trump accusing anyone of being vodgie.
12:54Do you know what I mean?
12:55This is a man who bragged that he could grab women by the pussy,
12:57was found liable in a civil court of sexual abuse
12:59and who still refuses to release his tax returns.
13:02I mean, when has Donald Trump ever had the moral high ground?
13:05It's difficult for me to talk about the moral high ground at this point.
13:07I don't know, there was...
13:09Look, you can't take away from him, there was that time in Home Alone 2
13:12where he showed Kevin McAllister where the lobby was.
13:15Yeah, and when he won the WWE Royal Rumble, that was another time, yeah.
13:19The Rumble-O's cup draw.
13:20The Rumble-O's cup draw, yeah.
13:22Do you know what? Quite a few times.
13:24So why wouldn't Donald Trump want a robust press?
13:27Well, probably because investigative journalists tend to investigate people.
13:31For things like, oh, I don't know, hanging out with a known pedophile.
13:35This week, emails were released in which Donald Trump was referenced
13:37by disgraced sex trafficker Jeffrey Epstein.
13:40In one email, Epstein said, quote,
13:42I have met some very bad people, none as bad as Trump.
13:46Not one decent cell in his body.
13:48Which is ironic, because when Epstein died,
13:50there wasn't one decent body in his cell.
13:52LAUGHTER
14:03Look...
14:04It is something, though, when Jeffrey Epstein calls you a bad person.
14:07Yeah, I mean, that's kind of like...
14:09It's like being the wrong-uns wrong-un.
14:11Isn't it?
14:12It's like when you're voted for by your peers,
14:14like the PFA Players Player of the Year.
14:16LAUGHTER
14:17It's like getting the Paul Hollywood handshake a sex offender.
14:20LAUGHTER
14:21Another email from Epstein claimed
14:23Donald Trump was so distracted by young women swimming in a pool,
14:26he walked straight into a door
14:28and left a big orange nose print on the glass.
14:31LAUGHTER
14:32And, from what we've heard,
14:33a tiny orange mushroom print a few feet lower.
14:36LAUGHTER
14:37Are all these emails just going to turn into, like, a carry-on film?
14:41LAUGHTER
14:42And he slipped on a banana skin
14:43and ended up with his face in a woman's boobs.
14:46It was a disaster.
14:47Next week, a vote's going to be held
14:48on whether to release all the Epstein files.
14:50And, look, I'm not saying Trump's nervous,
14:51but there are four Republican women voting
14:53for the release of those files,
14:54and this week, Trump tried to meet with all of them.
14:57Two of them did meet with the administration
14:59in the fully soundproofed Situation Room.
15:02There's nothing dodgy about that, is there?
15:04You know, when you...
15:05Obviously, you want to be completely transparent,
15:07the best thing to do is meet people
15:09in a soundproof room with no cameras.
15:11Yeah.
15:12So, that sounds all above board.
15:13A soundproof Situation Room sounds like
15:14where he goes to the toilet
15:16when he's got a dicky tummy.
15:18LAUGHTER
15:19Brooker needs a soundproof Situation Room.
15:21So, how do you think he's going to react
15:22if these files are released next week?
15:24I just think he's like...
15:25He loves it.
15:26Whenever bad news comes out,
15:27he loves, like, he has to do something
15:28to kind of distract everyone from it.
15:30So, like, if things are going to get released,
15:32I think we could be, like, a couple of weeks
15:34of him just going, look,
15:35shall I just open up Area 51
15:36and show you lot the alien?
15:37LAUGHTER
15:39And, look, the thing is,
15:40Trump's not going to stop trying to silence the press.
15:43He's done it to Colbert,
15:44he's done it to Kimmel,
15:45and, look, just today,
15:46he took a pot shot at our show.
15:48I know.
15:49Here is the 100% unedited footage
15:51of the tangerine tyrant hating on the last leg.
15:55Are you watching the last leg show on television
16:00of the United Kingdom hosted by His Majesty?
16:03Mr. Adam?
16:04The guy can't walk.
16:06He's a very dumb individual.
16:08Very dumb.
16:10He doesn't have a clue.
16:12What the hell?
16:13We're talking like he knows
16:14he's got guys around him that are pretty smart.
16:17He was begging for my endorsement.
16:19I could have said, Adam?
16:21Drop to your knees.
16:22He would have dropped to his knees.
16:23LAUGHTER
16:24He was begging.
16:25Unbelievable.
16:27Unbelievable.
16:28We're suing.
16:29A billion and one dollars.
16:31Billion and one.
16:32Billion and one.
16:33All right, let's welcome tonight's guests,
16:34two comedians who've got killer lines
16:36and an author whose lines contain killers.
16:38Please welcome Rosie Jones,
16:39Mike Wozniak and Richard Osman.
16:41CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
16:43All right, I mean, what do we all think about
17:04what happened to the BBC this week?
17:06Ooh.
17:08That's a big one, isn't it?
17:09Isn't it just?
17:10I don't, um, I don't think they should have apologised.
17:13I think they should have apologised to the licence fee payer.
17:16Mm-hm.
17:17And it should have been the old, er...
17:18There's more than one of them.
17:19Yeah.
17:20LAUGHTER
17:21And then the old two fingers.
17:23Yeah, Richard?
17:24That's a really good idea.
17:25Yeah.
17:26You know how to deal with Trump.
17:27I think so.
17:28Yeah, yeah.
17:29I think, yeah, apologise and then let him get on
17:30with something else.
17:31Give him a bit of House of Games wheelie luggage.
17:33LAUGHTER
17:35Rosie?
17:36No, I do not think they should apologise.
17:43It was a bad idea.
17:46That should not have happened.
17:50But Trump is a bully.
17:54And I think the BBC and all of us should stand up to him.
18:05And like he always says, it's a free world.
18:11And if we want to say that Trump is a dangerous bully
18:21who needs to be stopped, we should.
18:27Yeah.
18:28CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
18:34That is...
18:35That is...
18:36That is spoken...
18:37Like a woman who knows she's got some ideas in with the BBC
18:40at the moment.
18:41LAUGHTER
18:42And he's not touring America any time.
18:45LAUGHTER
18:46Also, the caveat is, I do not have a billion dollars.
18:53Mm-hm.
18:54So, please, don't sue me.
18:59LAUGHTER
19:00Erm, OK.
19:01I'm interested in this.
19:02What do we all think of the Epstein files?
19:04BUZZ
19:05All right, back onto the show.
19:07LAUGHTER
19:09Anyone want to...
19:11Or should we just move on?
19:12That's why it's so grim, isn't it?
19:14You know, I mean, we all sympathise with the poor victims.
19:17It's completely gross.
19:18But, I mean, it's going to kick off nasty.
19:22It's like you were saying, he's going to find something else to distract.
19:26Yeah, yeah.
19:27Because it's going to kick off and...
19:28Yeah.
19:29..the borderlands of Canada at the moment, for example.
19:32Do you know what I mean?
19:33It's...
19:34Mm.
19:35It's invasion time.
19:36LAUGHTER
19:37Or anywhere he can fire a nuke.
19:38Yeah, exactly.
19:39It comes to a point where a nuke is his only option.
19:41And, look, it has been a rough week for the BBC,
19:43and even though they have apologised to the US President,
19:45the threat of another billion-dollar lawsuit
19:47is still now always going to be hanging over their heads,
19:50which puts the chairman of the BBC in a sticky situation.
19:53How does he maintain journalistic integrity
19:55while also having enough money
19:56to fight off any future legal action from Donald Trump?
19:59We think we've found a solution.
20:01Hi.
20:02I'm TV's Adam Hills.
20:04You know me from such shows as The Last Leg,
20:07The Last Leg of the Year,
20:08and The Last Leg in Paris.
20:10And I'm here to talk to you about a very important cause.
20:14Every year, the BBC comes together to help those in need.
20:18And this year, no-one's in more need than the BBC.
20:22That's why I'm proud to present...
20:25Chairman in Need.
20:26LAUGHTER
20:28This is the chairman of the BBC,
20:31and he needs your help.
20:32For just £1 billion,
20:34you can give him the chance
20:36to maintain journalistic freedom in the UK.
20:39And more importantly,
20:40do another series of celebrity traitors.
20:42That's what we really need to say.
20:44Seriously, BBC,
20:45if you're looking for a disabled for series two,
20:47this little hand's in the air, boy!
20:49LAUGHTER
20:50We all make mistakes.
20:51Sometimes you might forget to empty the dishwasher.
20:54Other times you might inadvertently edit a speech
20:57that makes it look like the world's biggest man-baby
20:59did a thing that half of Americans think he did anyway.
21:03If each BBC licence pair can spare just £41,
21:06the world's largest orange toddler can fund important initiatives.
21:11Like a golden ballroom,
21:12hush money to a porn star,
21:14Bitcoin scams,
21:16and half-assed lawsuits.
21:20Honestly,
21:21I don't mind if I'm a faithful or a traitor,
21:23but all I say is,
21:24I've thought about murdering these two a few times,
21:26and I look great in a hood.
21:28So join us for a very special night of laughter,
21:31music and the erosion of democracy.
21:34BBC's Chairman in Need.
21:36It'll be great.
21:37Won't it, Trumpsy?
21:39What's that?
21:41Oh, yeah.
21:42Your ear has healed up nicely.
21:44APPLAUSE
21:50We'll have more of last week.
21:51We'll check in on who's been giving Keir Starmer
21:54nightmares on Downing Street,
21:55and we'll take a look at a calendar,
21:56you'll be Russian to be Putin on your wall.
21:59Oh, yeah, that's right.
22:00See you in a little bit.
22:01Welcome back to Last Leg.
22:17We're joined by Rosie Jones, Mike Wozniak and Richard Osman.
22:20By the way, shout out to the one person
22:22who actually texted in to donate to the Chairman in Need.
22:25LAUGHTER
22:26Well done.
22:27Well done, whoever you are.
22:28Love your work.
22:29Right, let's get back to the news now.
22:30And look, it's fair to say,
22:32it's not been a great week for the Prime Minister.
22:34As the BBC story rumbled on,
22:36turns out the White House Press Secretary
22:38doesn't quite know our Prime Minister's name,
22:41as seen in this revealing clip.
22:43I will say, I know the President
22:45has a very good relationship with Prime Minister Sharma.
22:48You have been there,
22:49you've seen them in their interactions.
22:51Prime Minister Sharma!
22:52Imagine being the Prime Minister of Great Britain
22:54and you still have your name mangled like you're at Starbucks.
22:57I think the most depressing thing
22:59is no one picked her up on it.
23:01LAUGHTER
23:02Things didn't get any better for the Prime Minister,
23:05Shawama,
23:06when rumours abounded that Health Secretary Wes Streeting
23:10was mounting a challenge for the leadership.
23:12Streeting went on Sky News this week to defend himself
23:14and he did so with a forced cultural reference,
23:16delivered like a comedian who has no confidence in his own punchline.
23:20Here's the cringe-worthy clip.
23:21I think whoever's been briefing this has been watching too much
23:26Celebrity Traitors and this is just about the worst attack
23:28on a faithful I've seen since Joe Marla was kicked out
23:31and banished in the final.
23:33Oh!
23:34Oh!
23:35Oh!
23:36Yeah.
23:37I wouldn't tour it.
23:38LAUGHTER
23:39Here's the thing though,
23:40he delivers fundaments of that show is,
23:42if you're saying you're a faithful,
23:44there's a very good chance that you are a traitor.
23:46Yeah, yeah.
23:47Exactly.
23:48So Wes Streeting,
23:49he's going to be up in the turret straight after that
23:50with Bridget Philipson saying,
23:52Keir's on to me.
23:53I think it's a bit too obvious to murder him tonight.
23:57The lovely thing is,
23:58he delivered that like,
23:59you know when you're a comedian
24:00and you're delivering a joke for the first time
24:01and you're like,
24:02I'm not sure if this is funny,
24:03is this funny?
24:04And then it gets a bit of a laugh and you go,
24:05alright, I feel a bit confident now.
24:06Because not long after that,
24:07Streeting delivered the same joke on the BBC,
24:09but this time with a little confident flourish.
24:13Yeah, someone's definitely been watching too much
24:15Celebrity Traitors in Downing Street.
24:17I think they should swap it for Countryfile in future
24:19and calm down a bit.
24:20I am a faithful.
24:21In fact, what you've seen from a silly number 10 source
24:24overnight,
24:25is probably the worst attack on a faithful
24:27since Joe Marler was banished in the Traitors final.
24:31See what I mean?
24:32A bit more confidence.
24:33He's workshopping it.
24:34Then he went,
24:36he honed it back to the best bits,
24:38went on ITV,
24:40added the Countryfile bit back in again
24:42and did it again.
24:44Whoever's behind this has been watching
24:46far too much Celebrity Traitors
24:48and what they've said about me
24:49is probably the most unjustified attack on a faithful
24:51since Joe Marler was banished in the final.
24:53Maybe they should spend a bit more time watching Countryfile.
24:55That's better.
24:57I'll tell you what he needs.
24:58Small hands.
24:59You get 360 episodes out.
25:01To be fair to Wes Streeting,
25:03he had thought no one on earth is sad enough to watch three Wes Streeting interviews in a row.
25:09LAUGHTER
25:13What do you think?
25:14Should he be trotting out the same material over and over?
25:16Yeah.
25:17Um...
25:19Well, Richard says that I say absolutely not.
25:25Oh, no.
25:26I'm just so angry right now with bloody way Streeting
25:35and the whole of the Labour government,
25:39because I've been a lifelong Labour supporter,
25:45and this is not a Labour government that I know support or recognise.
25:55They need to stop watching TV.
26:00They need to stop saving money in the short term,
26:08because in the long term,
26:11it's really affecting vulnerable people.
26:17So stop trying to be relatable,
26:24watching the traitors and care about us not.
26:31Rosie's on the warpath tonight.
26:34APPLAUSE
26:38But...
26:40But, Rosie, he's like Joe Marler, don't you get it?
26:43Look, things are only going to get tougher for Prime Minister Shawarawadi,
26:46with, um...
26:48A budget on the way, local elections coming up in May.
26:51In fact, delivering the budget has been described by one minister as,
26:54like, quote, wrestling a squirrel across a minefield.
26:57Which does sound like an Australian euphemism for something.
27:00Oh, sorry, I'm late, boys.
27:01Had to wrestle a squirrel across a minefield.
27:04LAUGHTER
27:05Wouldn't you let the squirrel go first?
27:07Yeah.
27:09To see how it does?
27:10Why Josh, Josh?
27:12That's cruelty.
27:13What would you do, then?
27:14Why throw a squirrel over a minefield?
27:16LAUGHTER
27:17What, just chuck it over?
27:18Yeah.
27:19Yeah, but then it's over and then you're stuck.
27:21It's fine, man.
27:22That's OK.
27:23Yeah, I've already lost one foot.
27:24I'm not...
27:25What does the squirrel have to get across anyway?
27:28Do you know what I mean?
27:29What's on the other side?
27:30Like, loads of nuts?
27:31There would have to be a lot of nuts for a squirrel.
27:33LAUGHTER
27:34I think we've gone off track.
27:35LAUGHTER
27:37That's what they want!
27:38Government sources...
27:39But what has happened, he's stored his nuts for winter.
27:43Yes.
27:44And then they've installed the minefield between him and his nuts
27:47and he's gone, oh, for fuck's sake.
27:48I am going to be digging a lot of holes or am I feeling nervous?
27:52Yeah.
27:53Yeah.
27:54LAUGHTER
27:55Or...
27:56I'm still thinking about the squirrel.
27:58No, I'm...
27:59LAUGHTER
28:01Government sources are now saying that after threatening to raise
28:03income tax, the Chancellor has now changed her mind,
28:06which didn't get the positive response she might have liked.
28:09It was kind of like saying to your partner,
28:10hey, honey, I was about to cheat on you,
28:12but I'm not going to any more.
28:14Because she said no to me.
28:16LAUGHTER
28:17So, to sum up, the Prime Minister's facing an upcoming budget
28:20that might be unpopular, local elections in May
28:22that might be catastrophic
28:24and rumours of a leadership challenge from Wes Streeting.
28:27Maybe the PM needs to take a leaf out of Vladimir Putin's book,
28:30or more appropriately, his calendar.
28:32This week the Russian leader released his calendar for 2026
28:35featuring classy photos of Putin
28:37with snappy patriotic quotes that include...
28:40And I'm not making these up.
28:42Russia's border doesn't end anywhere.
28:44And this is my favourite.
28:45I'm a dove, but with very powerful iron wings.
28:48LAUGHTER
28:49I mean, I prefer Nelly Furtado's version.
28:52LAUGHTER
28:53I'm a dove...
28:54Maybe the dove with iron wings could pick the squirrel up.
28:57LAUGHTER
28:58There we go.
28:59It's like the fox, the grain and the chicken, isn't it?
29:08Look, we think Keir Starmer probably needs to do something similar
29:10to Vladimir Putin and that's why we would like to give you tonight
29:13a sneak peek at the 2026 Prime Minister's calendar.
29:16Oh, lovely.
29:17Complete with our version of Starmerism's little quotes.
29:19Yeah.
29:20He's January with the quote,
29:22promise people nothing and you can't let them down.
29:24LAUGHTER
29:25February sees the Prime Minister fishing with the line,
29:28my favourite drink is room temperature tap water.
29:31LAUGHTER
29:32In March, he's scoring for Arsenal with the quote,
29:36there's no I in fun.
29:38LAUGHTER
29:39And in April, he's wrestling a bear with the line,
29:41no matter what happens in next month's local elections,
29:43I will always be your leader.
29:45Let's skip to May now and, as you can see,
29:47we're streeting as Prime Minister...
29:49LAUGHTER
29:50..with the quote,
29:51I am and always have been a traitor.
29:53LAUGHTER
30:00APPLAUSE
30:01We'll have more last link for you after the break.
30:02We're going to step into Christmas a little bit early
30:04and we'll unveil this week's mystery guest.
30:06We'll see you in a little bit.
30:07APPLAUSE
30:13Welcome back to Last Leg.
30:14We're joined by Rosie Jones,
30:15Mike Wozniak, Richard Osman.
30:16Everyone is on tour at the moment.
30:17Mike, you're doing a stand-up tour called The Bench.
30:18I am, yeah.
30:19Why is it called The Bench?
30:20Ah!
30:21It's about a bench.
30:22LAUGHTER
30:23Hey!
30:24Yeah.
30:25So it's been rigorously tested by a sales team.
30:27Yeah.
30:28And, um...
30:29Yeah, it's...
30:30We just wanted to see that.
30:31It's...
30:32It's about a bench.
30:33LAUGHTER
30:34LAUGHTER
30:35Hey!
30:36LAUGHTER
30:37So it's been rigorously tested by a sales team.
30:39Yeah.
30:40And, um...
30:41Yeah, it's...
30:42We just wanted to see whether or not people were interested
30:44in coming to a show that might be about a bench.
30:46LAUGHTER
30:47And, uh...
30:48I think the nation's up for it.
30:49LAUGHTER
30:50You're also appearing in a TV show?
30:51Yes.
30:52Based on a teenage novel by, um, Adam Kaye.
30:55Adam Kaye, illustrated by Henry Packer.
30:57Yeah.
30:58The ten-year-old doctor.
30:59Yep.
31:00I play the dad.
31:01That's why I've got the sort of Britain-first haircut
31:02at the moment, cos I had to, um...
31:04LAUGHTER
31:05I had to sort of shave a chunk of my hair off at the top.
31:08Sort of 70s-style baldness, basically.
31:10Right.
31:11But, yeah, that's a lot of fun.
31:12I think that's coming out sort of Christmassy.
31:13I think it is on the BBC.
31:14BBC.
31:15If it still exists by then.
31:16LAUGHTER
31:17BBC.
31:18Uh, Josh is on tour as well at the moment...
31:20Oh, no.
31:21..and had another awkward moment
31:22with a disabled audience member this week, right?
31:24So, the week before, obviously...
31:25Well, not obviously, but I had the problem
31:27where I didn't realise the guy was blind.
31:29Yep.
31:30So, this week, I got talking...
31:32I asked someone in the audience something, and he replied,
31:35and I said, what's your name?
31:37And then, uh, someone shouted, Jeff.
31:40Yep.
31:41And I said, oh, is it Jeff?
31:42And they said, no, no, no, Steph.
31:45And I was like, Steph?
31:47It turned out they were shouting that this guy was deaf.
31:50LAUGHTER
31:52So, I had, yeah, so I've offended a blind person
31:55and a deaf person in two weeks.
31:57I'd have thought the best way to enjoy your show
31:59would be not to hear your voice.
32:00LAUGHTER
32:06It's fair play!
32:07It's fair play!
32:08Look, you're attacking my lot.
32:10Rosie, you're on tour as well.
32:12Have you ever had any faux pas with disabled audience members?
32:14Yeah, I do.
32:16Well, I have a lot of disabled people come to my gigs,
32:23which is a nightmare.
32:27LAUGHTER
32:29Because they care for the disabled toilet.
32:34LAUGHTER
32:35Awful.
32:37But a few weeks ago,
32:40a non-disabled man met me in a pub on top,
32:48and we got talking,
32:51and he was big into yoga.
32:55Anyway, four pints down,
33:00he tried to convince me
33:04that he could stretch the cerebral palsy away.
33:12LAUGHTER
33:14And I was like,
33:17A,
33:19I don't think that's how brain damage works.
33:24Mm, yeah.
33:25But B,
33:27please don't do that,
33:30cos cerebral palsy
33:33has made me rich.
33:37LAUGHTER
33:39CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
33:42Yeah.
33:43Yeah.
33:44Yeah.
33:45Yeah.
33:46Preach, sister!
33:47Here's to being disabled!
33:48LAUGHTER
33:49CP's in the crowd are going off tonight, too.
33:52LAUGHTER
33:53CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
33:55CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
33:58CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
34:00Now, as Christmas lights are being turned on
34:03in various British towns tonight,
34:04families on an Air Force base in Florida
34:06have been ordered to dismantle their Christmas decorations
34:09because early holiday decorations
34:10were not allowed in their lease agreements.
34:12Here's the question,
34:13is it too early to start being Christmassy?
34:15Yes.
34:16Yes.
34:17Yeah, absolutely.
34:19I feel like I speak for gay people everywhere,
34:25and we need November to get over gay Christmas,
34:33which is Halloween.
34:36LAUGHTER
34:37You're not a fan of early Christmas?
34:40No, well, my birthday is at the end of...
34:42I know it's not all about me, but my birthday is at the end of...
34:44LAUGHTER
34:45Isn't it?
34:46My birthday is at the end of November,
34:48November 28th,
34:49so you can't start Christmas before then
34:51because it pulls focus.
34:52I think it's really unacceptable.
34:54LAUGHTER
34:55Also, my baby here, yeah, similar problems with the early...
34:59Yeah.
35:00Yeah, I can't handle it.
35:01Nothing before December.
35:02Absolutely not.
35:03Wow.
35:04And they are problems.
35:05They genuinely are problems.
35:06I've never said this on a show before,
35:08but everything I've just heard from you lot
35:10has made me feel physically sick.
35:11LAUGHTER
35:12I love Christmas...
35:13I started early.
35:14I think they should do...
35:15They should do advent calendars that go from August.
35:18LAUGHTER
35:19Imagine having 120 chocolates.
35:21What a bit of fun that would be.
35:22You know me, I love my Christmas...
35:24Well, look, we had a meeting for The Last Leg,
35:26what was going to be on the show this week,
35:27and Brooker, like, halfway through, went,
35:29is it too early to do Christmas?
35:31And we started thinking about what's in the news at the moment
35:33and went, do you know what?
35:35There is so much shit in the world right now,
35:37we are going to start celebrating early.
35:39So, at the end of tonight's show,
35:40we're going to turn the lights on in the studio,
35:42but we do want to know who should be the angel on the tree.
35:45Message us on Instagram, hashtag LastLegAngel.
35:47WhatsApp, the number's 07956175908.
35:50Scan the QR code on your screen.
35:51Next week, we'll put the angel on top of the screen...
35:53on top of the tree.
35:54I'm going to say, I think, Joe Marla should be the angel.
35:57Really?
35:58Well, he was the only pure soul in Traitors,
36:00and like Jesus, he was betrayed at the Last Supper.
36:02LAUGHTER
36:04I think maybe IB for final boss.
36:07Could have IB for final boss would be a good one,
36:09making more Christmassy, or maybe even like, maybe bunny blue.
36:13Oh.
36:14Just like a little queue of wise men, just...
36:17LAUGHTER
36:20Can I just say I don't endorse that message?
36:22I can now make a bid for Celia Inry, who for me is the Hero of the Year,
36:35but I would like you to stick her face to a fart machine.
36:45LAUGHTER
36:46Yeah.
36:47Perfect.
36:48And put her on top of the tree with the final needle up her bum.
36:50Yeah.
36:51Got it.
36:52All right, it's time to bring on this week's mystery guest.
36:54Richard, Rosie and Mike are going to have to work out
36:56how this person relates to this week's news.
36:58Can we have the mystery guest, please?
37:00Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh.
37:02Mystery guest.
37:04I want to get close to you.
37:09Josh, Alex, who's the mystery guest?
37:11This is Rhi.
37:12Yep.
37:13She's been in the news this week, but why was she in the news?
37:16Can we have the dramatic lighting change, please?
37:21So, was Rhi in the news because, after a mistaken eBay purchase,
37:26she ended up as the owner of 40,000 double-decker bars.
37:30Or, after a mistaken eBay purchase,
37:32she ended up as the owner of 200 kilos
37:35of free Deirdre Rashid memorabilia.
37:38Or our final option.
37:39After a mistaken eBay purchase,
37:41she ended up hatching and raising an emu.
37:46One of those is correct.
37:47OK.
37:48Do you want to have a...?
37:49Yeah, so, double-decker bars,
37:50free Deirdre Rashid memorabilia, or your emu?
37:54What are you thinking?
37:55Oh, no.
37:56There aren't 40,000 double-deckers left in the wild, are there?
37:59Surely.
38:01That's something that you can still buy.
38:03Well, you can buy one.
38:04Well, maybe that explains where they've all gone, Charlie.
38:07I think it happened before this week.
38:09I want it to be the emu.
38:11Yes.
38:12But if that is the case, then I want to know,
38:14where is the emu now?
38:16Well, why aren't you nurturing the emu?
38:19If that is the answer, we will find out after the break,
38:22and you can ask those questions.
38:23OK.
38:24Because we will reveal the mystery guest after the break
38:27when we have a little bit more last leg for you.
38:29And we start Christmas early.
38:31What are you thinking?
38:32Are you thinking, emu?
38:33Yeah, and I want emu to come on.
38:38I think that's the one thing the nation can agree on.
38:43We'll see you after the break.
38:45See you in a little bit.
39:01Welcome back to Last Leg.
39:02We're joined by Rosa Jones, Mike Wozniak, Richard Osman.
39:04Now, before the break, we challenged our guests
39:06to work out how this person was connected to the news.
39:08Can we have the options again, please?
39:10Yes.
39:11So, what's really in the news?
39:13Because she made a mistake in eBay purchase
39:15of 40,000 double-deckers.
39:17Whoa!
39:18Sorry, mate.
39:19Don't realise my point was that strong.
39:21She bought 200 kilograms, kilograms,
39:24of free Deirdre Rashid memorabilia,
39:26or she made a mistake in eBay purchase
39:29and ended up hatching and raising an emu.
39:31What do you think the answer is?
39:33Are we allowed to ask three questions,
39:34or are we just...
39:35Yeah, go on.
39:36It's a really good idea.
39:37Yeah, are you...
39:38Are you interested in the consumption of rare meats?
39:41I can't say it's ever crossed my mind.
39:46How big an egg do you like at breakfast?
39:49Yeah, you know, portion sizes are minimal at breakfast.
39:54Oh, I've got a clever one.
39:57Yeah?
39:58What is your favourite chocolate butter?
40:02That is clever.
40:03Yeah, I don't...
40:04I don't want to give things away too much,
40:06but I can safely say that between chocolate and eggs,
40:09I have got more of a sweet tooth.
40:11What a clever question.
40:12Oh!
40:13What if it was a Cadbury's emu?
40:14Yeah!
40:15Yeah!
40:16I know it would be fun to have the emu out,
40:17but it would be even more fun to have 40,000 double-deckers.
40:21So what do you think?
40:22What do you think the answer is?
40:23You guys think emu, don't you?
40:24I'll go double-decker just for some Jeopardy.
40:26You're saying double-decker but you're both saying...
40:28Oh, that's the producer.
40:29I've changed the double-decker.
40:30It may be the...
40:31Change the double-decker?
40:32No, don't do that,
40:33because then the Jeopardy is absurd.
40:34Well, I think, I think, Rhi,
40:35it's possible she's playing me like a harp.
40:37Right?
40:38But I'm willing to take the risk.
40:41OK, I'll say emu because I really want a cultural emu.
40:49OK.
40:50OK.
40:51I will say double-decker because we really want a double-decker.
40:52Yeah.
40:53Rhi, can you give us the answer, please?
40:55One night, I went on eBay and I mistakenly bought an emu egg.
41:02CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
41:06Damn it.
41:09Damn it.
41:10OK, let's see him.
41:12Did you think you were on Teemu?
41:14Teemu emu?
41:16That's not a bad joke.
41:18I don't think anyone heard it.
41:20Oh, I said, did she think she was on Teemu?
41:22That was absolute silence.
41:24It was completely crushing.
41:26And that's why I'm not on tour.
41:27It could have easily been, though.
41:30OK.
41:31So, what happened?
41:32Yeah.
41:33And this is why it could have easily been from anywhere.
41:35So, one night, I had actually taken a sleeping tablet and I was sort of in that twilight zone of falling asleep, not being asleep, mistakenly decided to do a bit of late-night shopping online and bought a series of quite unhinged purchases that I had no recollection of until the next morning when I had an email notification that came through to say my emu egg had been dispatched.
42:00So, how did you end up, obviously you've hatched it, so how did you end up going about, where did you hatch an egg?
42:08Oh, so, naturally, as you do, naturally, naturally, naturally, I had an incubator.
42:15Well, Scott, you could buy some stuff for Phoebe, didn't you?
42:18Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely.
42:19You know, again, some of the unhinged purchases came in useful in this situation.
42:23You hated it.
42:24So, now you have a full-grown emu?
42:26Yeah, yeah.
42:27Yeah, yeah.
42:28My pride and joy, emu.
42:30Whoa!
42:31Look at the size of emu!
42:33Wow!
42:34Six foot.
42:35How old is it now?
42:36So, she's now three.
42:38OK.
42:39Yeah.
42:40Do you have, like, a funny sign on the door?
42:41What are we talking?
42:42What do you do with an emu with three?
42:44Pre-preschool?
42:45What's the other three?
42:46Well, we went through that last year.
42:49Yeah.
42:50And they do sort of accelerate with their aging process a little bit.
42:54So, now, she's actually looking for a husband.
42:57Right.
42:58So, she's actually just made a Tinder profile.
43:00LAUGHTER
43:03Well, you know where to go, people.
43:05Ree, thank you so much for being on the show.
43:06Thank you very much.
43:07Thank you very much.
43:08Thank you very much.
43:09Thank you very much.
43:14All right, Josh has been threatening to sue the last seven days.
43:17What have you got?
43:18The first one is some footage we've got during the show.
43:21How does a man with a moustache prepare for part two?
43:27Oh.
43:28I don't know.
43:29Let's have a look.
43:32It's got a little moustache comb!
43:34LAUGHTER
43:35It's got a secret little moustache comb!
43:37Wow.
43:43Yeah, um...
43:45I...
43:46I...
43:47I...
43:48I...
43:49I have a comb for every part of my body.
43:50LAUGHTER
43:51And if you subscribe to my YouTube channel, you can see the reaction.
43:54LAUGHTER
43:55What else have you got?
43:56Oh, yes.
43:57So, it's been...
43:58It's been a bad week for the BBC, but this is better.
44:00Would you like to see some terrifying local news footage
44:04in which a man gets some seagulls away from his chips?
44:08Yes, please.
44:09Would you mind?
44:11Please?
44:12Please?
44:13No.
44:14Please don't eat my chips.
44:15Get off my chips!
44:16LAUGHTER
44:17That seems to work.
44:18LAUGHTER
44:23It was a bad edit, he did say please.
44:25LAUGHTER
44:26All right, we did ask you to nominate an angel for The Last Late Christmas Tree.
44:30The suggestions have come in.
44:31A few people have said Miriam Margulies.
44:33Oh, Dick Van Dyke, because he turns 100 in December.
44:37Does he?
44:38The new New York Mayor, Zoran Mamdani, Alan Carr.
44:41A few for Joe Mahler.
44:42Where's Sarah Cox's shout-out?
44:44Yes, Sarah...
44:45It's the last thing she needs at the moment, do you know what I mean?
44:47She's in a recovery phase, but, you know, she's...
44:49Literally just about to say the majority of votes that have come in are for Sarah Cox.
44:52Oh, good on her, yeah.
44:53Sarah Cox has done an amazing...
44:55135 miles?
44:56Yeah.
44:57Yeah.
45:02We will unveil the winner next week in Keep Voting.
45:04We're about to end the show by stepping into Christmas early,
45:07but before we do, would you please thank our guests?
45:09Rosie Jones!
45:10CHEERING
45:11Mike Wozniak!
45:13CHEERING
45:14And Richard Osman!
45:16CHEERING
45:17And my co-host Josh Whittakam!
45:19And Alex Brooker!
45:21CHEERING
45:22We'll be back next week with comedians Jack Dee and Harriet Kemsley,
45:25but right now, with the world full of Epstein files,
45:28leadership challenges and scary budgets,
45:30we've decided to step into Christmas a little bit early.
45:33So, break out the decorations, crack out the eggnog,
45:38and get ready to celebrate the 41 days of Christmas.
45:41Music, please.
45:43We've decided to have an early Christmas, just a little bit.
46:00With a budget on the way, someone's gonna pay,
46:04it's feeling like the world has gone to shit.
46:08So we're gonna have an early Christmas, gather round a tree.
46:17Cause Trump dislikes the news, there's a chance we're gonna lose,
46:21the BBC.
46:25An Epstein surprise reform on the rise, supported by angry men.
46:30The world's on fire, temperatures higher, a fight in number 10.
46:34The king and queen have both decreed that Andrew's out again.
46:38So, fuck it, it might as well be Christmas, everywhere you go.
46:49So ignore the burning world.
46:51Every boy and every girl can bury their heads right underneath the snow.
46:57So screw it all, let's string out Christmas.
47:01Make it last for half a year.
47:05There's nothing left to lose.
47:08So let's all stay off the booze until he stirs here.
47:17Merry fucking Christmas, everyone.
47:24Fuck.