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Taskmaster UK S20E08 (2025)

Category

😹
Fun
Transcript
00:00Oh, no!
00:05Hello?
00:13Hey!
00:18Nothing's ever straightforward in this stupid house.
00:30APPLAUSE
00:36Hello, I'm Greg Davies. Welcome to Taskmaster.
00:39I'd like to start on a personal note, if I may, today,
00:42and tell you that Anna, the member of the crew
00:44who makes my coffees when I arrive at studio,
00:46recently pointed out to me that in nearly 200 episodes of television,
00:50I have not once said thank you to her.
00:52And so I want to start this show by putting that right.
00:55Anna, sincerely, thank you for all your hard work.
00:58But also, your coffee tastes like crap!
01:01Clear your desk!
01:02You think I can't replace you?
01:03I've got a thousand waiting!
01:05LAUGHTER
01:06Right!
01:07Please welcome our contestants!
01:09Anya Magliano!
01:11CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:13Maziana!
01:15Phil Ellis!
01:17Reece Sheer-Smith!
01:19And Sanjay Bhaskar!
01:22CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:24And next to me, a man who tells me
01:26he's going on holiday this year
01:28to a mysterious place where everybody spits when they talk.
01:32Wales!
01:33It's...
01:35Little Alex Horne!
01:37CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:38You're a hell out of people in Wales.
01:41I don't know what you've got against the people of Wales.
01:43You're subhuman, you said.
01:45Oh, dear.
01:47Brightest task, then.
01:48Yes, it is.
01:49Greg and I suppose it's also...
01:51Boo!
01:52Because this week, the category...
01:53LAUGHTER
01:55The category is the best thing that has a surprise aspect to it.
01:59Oh, good.
02:00Yeah.
02:01I have to say, I was a little alarmed when I first saw your surprise aspect,
02:03Greg, but I've got used to it.
02:05And I don't mind it at all now.
02:06The thing with a surprise that Greg likes best will get five points,
02:10and the winner of the show gets to take home all five things.
02:13Hello, Rhys.
02:14What have you brought that might surprise me?
02:16As you know, I am a bit of a David Dickinson in real life.
02:19Well, you've filled your house full of weird things.
02:21That's right.
02:22LAUGHTER
02:23I went to an antique fair and I bought this item.
02:26The Improved Patent Magneto Electric Machine for Nervous Diseases.
02:32LAUGHTER
02:34You crank the handle and you hold the two things
02:36and it's meant to give you a shock.
02:39I was sure when I bought it from the man, it didn't work.
02:43Right.
02:44So I took it home and I said to my daughter, Holly,
02:48do you want to have a go at it?
02:49Yeah, let's not take a risk on using it yourself.
02:51No.
02:52And I turned around and she gave her a mass in electric.
02:55LAUGHTER
02:57Absolutely bizarre.
03:00Anya?
03:01I brought in a mixtape and the thing that is surprising about it
03:04is that someone gave it to me and I've never listened to it.
03:07A boy?
03:08Yeah.
03:09What's he called?
03:10Ray.
03:11Ooh!
03:12So I didn't have anything to listen to it on.
03:14I didn't have one of those...
03:15Oh, you didn't have a tape machine?
03:17Yeah.
03:18I don't know what that is.
03:19The mixtape looks like this.
03:20It is a classic cassette.
03:21We can see it there.
03:22Yeah.
03:23LAUGHTER
03:25I've never listened to it but Alex has listened to it.
03:28You don't know this, Anya, but Ray introduced it.
03:30So I can play you Rayne's voice.
03:32This is a mixtape I made for you.
03:37There we go.
03:38Is that genuinely his voice?
03:40LAUGHTER
03:41It's like older than the electric shock machine.
03:44LAUGHTER
03:45Sounds like the guy who invented the telephone.
03:48LAUGHTER
03:49The second bit goes, Germany call it!
03:52Germany call it!
03:53LAUGHTER
03:55Well, Anya, let's not mess around.
03:57You've surprised me.
03:59LAUGHTER
04:00It's the weirdest thing that we've ever had on the show.
04:03Sanjeev, what surprising thing have you brought in?
04:06Christmas crackers.
04:08LAUGHTER
04:10Here they are.
04:11He's brought in Christmas crackers.
04:12OK.
04:13A variety.
04:14Hey!
04:15Huh?
04:16LAUGHTER
04:17Do you know what's in them?
04:18Oh, OK.
04:19I shouldn't write one point down?
04:21LAUGHTER
04:22It's not going to stop you.
04:23LAUGHTER
04:24OK, let's take the white one.
04:26If you open that up, there's a banana in it!
04:29LAUGHTER
04:30Weren't expecting that, were you?
04:32LAUGHTER
04:33I thought it was.
04:34Were you?
04:35Hang on, then.
04:36If we take the banana out, what do we find in the banana?
04:39A little cracker!
04:40LAUGHTER
04:41You weren't expecting that, were you?
04:42I am slightly more surprised by that.
04:44LAUGHTER
04:45What do you find in the little cracker?
04:47Oh, God, it's not a mixtape, is it?
04:49LAUGHTER
04:51No, it isn't, it's a picture of you!
04:53LAUGHTER
04:54I was kind of expecting it to be a banana.
04:56I wasn't expecting the small cracker.
04:57There was an element of surprise.
04:59LAUGHTER
05:01Macy.
05:02I've made a mixtape.
05:04I'm not Ray.
05:05LAUGHTER
05:06I'm not Ray.
05:07No, I've made a, er, compilation album.
05:10I reached out to various people connected to my fellow contestants
05:14and asked for surprising facts about you all.
05:17And this is the album that she's produced?
05:19It's called Now What's That About You?
05:22LAUGHTER
05:24Do you want to hear, er, Phil's one?
05:27This is from your mum.
05:28When Phil was four, he went through a phase of only saying the words
05:32Hedgehog no.
05:33Oh, fuck.
05:34LAUGHTER
05:35Hedgehog no?
05:36Hedgehog no?
05:37Well, we all go through that phase, don't we?
05:39LAUGHTER
05:41Rhys, er, I reached out to your comedy partner,
05:44Steve Pemberton, for this one.
05:46OK, this is what Steve said.
05:48One surprising thing about Rhys
05:51is that he used to draw pornographic pictures
05:55of all our tutors when we were at college
05:58and he would take requests.
06:01LAUGHTER
06:02Yeah, that's true.
06:07The requests used to be animals.
06:09Oh, George!
06:11Hedgehog no!
06:13APPLAUSE
06:19That is, er, very surprising.
06:21Phil, last one.
06:22Er, I have brought in a beautiful family heirloom,
06:26which is a grandfather clock.
06:28Yes, he has. Here it is.
06:29There it is. Beautiful, isn't it?
06:31Lovely.
06:32Passed down, ironically, from my auntie.
06:35R.I.P.
06:36I, er...
06:37She's not dead, but it's no life the way she is at the moment.
06:40LAUGHTER
06:44But you open the grandfather clock,
06:47there's a little surprise.
06:49Watch this.
06:50Yeah.
06:51It's also a fridge.
06:53LAUGHTER
06:55Did you put the fridge in?
06:57Yeah.
06:58I've devalued it quite a lot.
07:00LAUGHTER
07:02Oh, God.
07:03Oh, they're all quite good.
07:04Mm.
07:05Banana within a cracker.
07:09I still think it's the worst.
07:10LAUGHTER
07:12One point to Sanjeev.
07:13One point to Sanjeev, is it?
07:15Mm.
07:16Phil, I'm going to give it two points,
07:17cos it doesn't surprise me that much
07:19that you've put a fridge in a grandfather clock.
07:21LAUGHTER
07:22It doesn't surprise me that you have got a Victorian device
07:25for electrocuting people, but you get a point more than him
07:28because it does surprise me you electrocuted a child.
07:31LAUGHTER
07:32And then we're up to the big guns.
07:34Four points to the wonderful research.
07:36And wherever you are, Ray, you've just got five points.
07:40Five points down there!
07:41CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
07:46Right, let's have the first task, please, Alex.
07:48Right you are.
07:49And we begin with some honking, some whistling,
07:51and ten simple questions.
07:53MUSIC
08:07Hello!
08:08Oh, my gosh!
08:10Mm-hm.
08:11That's a lot of ducks.
08:12I was hoping there'd be ducks at some point.
08:14Very excited.
08:15What fresh hell is this?
08:18I feel judged.
08:21LAUGHTER
08:28Go and sit in the entrance lobby on Alex's horn
08:32and return on Alex's whistle.
08:35Every time you return, you must answer Alex's question
08:38within 30 seconds.
08:40You cannot change your answer.
08:42Alex will ask you ten questions.
08:44Most correct answers wins.
08:47Your time starts now.
08:49BUZZER
08:51Right.
08:52BUZZER
08:53BUZZER
08:54I need to just clap.
08:55BUZZER
08:56BUZZER
08:57Oh, wait a minute.
08:59Yeah, I'm not honking the horn yet.
09:01BUZZER
09:02BUZZER
09:04You OK?
09:05BUZZER
09:06BUZZER
09:07APPLAUSE
09:08BUZZER
09:14Well, there's not much more we need to know, is there?
09:17So let's just crack on.
09:18Yes, it's an intriguing one.
09:20And we're going to start with Anya, Maisie and Philip.
09:23BUZZER
09:24BUZZER
09:25Alex, I'm here!
09:26Helen?
09:27Where's this supposed to sit?
09:29BUZZER
09:30BUZZER
09:31Great, I'm brilliant, really.
09:32BUZZER
09:33BUZZER
09:34BUZZER
09:35BUZZER
09:36Maisie Adam, have a seat.
09:38Hello, Anya.
09:39Are you ready for the question?
09:41BUZZER
09:42BUZZER
09:43Yes.
09:44Yes, I am.
09:45Oh, lovely.
09:47That wasn't the question.
09:48Phil?
09:49Yes.
09:50What's missing?
09:52BUZZER
09:53BUZZER
09:54BUZZER
09:55BUZZER
09:56Your whistle.
09:57BUZZER
09:58This one.
09:59This whistle.
10:00BUZZER
10:018 seconds.
10:02I need an answer.
10:03BUZZER
10:04BUZZER
10:05BUZZER
10:06BUZZER
10:07Confident with that?
10:08Yes, one duck you've written.
10:09BUZZER
10:10Off you go.
10:11You need to be quicker with blowing your whistle.
10:13I won't be quick.
10:14BUZZER
10:15BUZZER
10:16BUZZER
10:17BUZZER
10:18BUZZER
10:19BUZZER
10:20BUZZER
10:21BUZZER
10:22BUZZER
10:23BUZZER
10:24BUZZER
10:25BUZZER
10:26BUZZER
10:27BUZZER
10:28OK, good.
10:29Hi.
10:30Phil.
10:31Anya Magliano.
10:32Yes.
10:33What's missing?
10:34Chicken.
10:35Chicken.
10:36BUZZER
10:37Duck.
10:38BUZZER
10:39Maisie.
10:40What's missing?
10:41A pumpkin.
10:42Why didn't you say that?
10:43Because it's right.
10:44BUZZER
10:45Fucking hell.
10:46Fuck, I'm missing it here now.
10:47Bastards.
10:48That was...
10:49Was that there?
10:50There's new stuff up.
10:51Cows.
10:52Was that there before?
10:53That is all stuff that's in that room.
10:56But that is that sock.
10:57BUZZER
10:58What's missing?
10:59Oh, the ducks are facing another way.
11:01Is that a clue?
11:02What's missing?
11:03Nothing?
11:04You haven't moved a thing?
11:05BUZZER
11:06I mean, Magliano.
11:07What's missing?
11:08What's missing?
11:09What's missing?
11:10Oh, wait.
11:11That apple wasn't there.
11:12BUZZER
11:13Is this the lobby?
11:14Does he really mean, what's missing?
11:16I'm going to take everything off here.
11:18Is the question actually like, what would you put in this room?
11:21I've furnished it to my abilities.
11:23What's missing?
11:24What's missing?
11:25Nothing, Alex.
11:26It's perfect as it is.
11:28BUZZER
11:30BUZZER
11:31BUZZER
11:32BUZZER
11:33BUZZER
11:34BUZZER
11:35Ah.
11:36BUZZER
11:37The ducks have gone everywhere.
11:38What's missing?
11:39OK.
11:40Yeah, well, then all the ducks.
11:41All the...
11:42No, the ducks have found you.
11:43Absolutely.
11:44BUZZER
11:45All of the ducks.
11:46All of the ducks.
11:47These are appearing outside.
11:48Maybe they're being taken out of the room.
11:50That wasn't there.
11:51Yes, but what's missing?
11:52Sock.
11:53Egg.
11:54Apple.
11:55Horse.
11:56Are you ready for the question film?
11:57All ears.
11:58What's new?
11:59What's new?
12:00Why would you do that?
12:01I think I've just got a hang of what's going on.
12:02You're just trying to throw me off and it's not working.
12:04BUZZER
12:05BUZZER
12:06BUZZER
12:07BUZZER
12:09BUZZER
12:10BUZZER
12:11BUZZER
12:12BUZZER
12:13BUZZER
12:14BUZZER
12:15BUZZER
12:16BUZZER
12:17BUZZER
12:18Oh, my God.
12:19What's going on?
12:20BUZZER
12:21Oh, thank God you're here.
12:23Here you go.
12:24Do you know what that looks out of interest?
12:26I don't know what's happening anymore.
12:27What's missing?
12:28Nothing.
12:29I'm worried these are things that aren't meant to be in the task
12:31and I'm seeing stuff again.
12:32I've rumbled you, hon.
12:34BUZZER
12:35BUZZER
12:36BUZZER
12:37Are you ready for your question, Phil?
12:38The final one.
12:39What connects all the correct answers?
12:41BUZZER
12:43BUZZER
12:44An iron.
12:45A butternut squash.
12:46A horse.
12:47An egg.
12:48What just connects all of these things?
12:49Yes, that's the question.
12:50They're all things...
12:51No, I couldn't get that up my arse.
12:53Good try.
12:54BUZZER
12:55They're all nothing.
12:56They're all nothing.
12:57Nothing.
12:58Yeah.
12:59They're all stuff I was left in my nana's will.
13:02BUZZER
13:03BUZZER
13:04They're all outside, on the shelf.
13:06In the waiting lobby.
13:07BUZZER
13:08BUZZER
13:09Thank you, Ania.
13:10I feel like I'm going to pass out.
13:12APPLAUSE
13:13All right.
13:14Good.
13:15APPLAUSE
13:20So, Ania, did you work it out, do you think?
13:22It drove me insane.
13:23It was horrible.
13:24It was crazy.
13:25It felt like some sort of torture system from an ancient culture.
13:29Phil, it was the most focused I've seen you throughout this series.
13:33Up until the point you stated that you couldn't get a big iron up your bum.
13:36BUZZER
13:37Well, not if it's hot.
13:39BUZZER
13:40I'm waiting to give it a go if it's not been near a stove.
13:44Let it chill down.
13:45Get some butter.
13:46BUZZER
13:47BUZZER
13:49Now then, what I was amazed by, because this hasn't been a characteristic of you during this series,
13:53is just how smug you were.
13:55You were so pleased with yourself.
13:57I thought I'd cracked it.
13:58I thought I'd worked it out.
13:59Oh, that was my favourite bit.
14:00You going, I'm inside his head.
14:04Have you got a smug face?
14:05Well, maybe.
14:06Have a look at this.
14:13Yeah, so we left them alone in the lobby, and Ania and Phil noticed things.
14:17BUZZER
14:19BUZZER
14:22BUZZER
14:24BUZZER
14:26BUZZER
14:27BUZZER
14:28Oh, no.
14:29Oh, come on, mate.
14:30And I can tell you that none of that is relevant to the task absolutely.
14:33APPLAUSE
14:39Good.
14:40That is the end of part one, and Alex's turn.
14:43For the first time ever, I'm going to let him send us into the break.
14:46Oh, thanks, Greg.
14:47That's all right.
14:48OK, well, it's the end of part one, and as why people...
14:51Shut up!
14:53See you in a bit.
14:55APPLAUSE
14:56Hello.
14:57Welcome back to the final part of this half of the show.
15:10What's he on about?
15:12Bonkers!
15:13Yes, in the current task, they had to keep leaving the living room
15:16and then working out what had changed upon their return.
15:19Now, finally, it's two impatient guys from the 60s.
15:22Sanjeef Bhaskar, OBE, and Rhys Wayne Shearsmith.
15:27BUZZER
15:28Ah, Sanjeef Bhaskar, have a seat.
15:31Rhys Shearsmith?
15:32Yes.
15:34I'm going to ask you your question now.
15:35Yep.
15:36What's missing?
15:40Oh, no.
15:41There's something that was in the room that is no longer in the room.
15:44Er, my enthusiasm.
15:47Already?
15:48Yeah.
15:49Question one.
15:50Yep.
15:51Would you mind writing enthusiasm?
15:52Yep, sure.
15:53On the board.
15:54I don't know if I can be arsed.
15:58Great, just nine more to go.
16:02The answer is one of the many ducks.
16:04Right, so you could have just written duck.
16:05So now penalised for being really clear.
16:08I mean, can't wait with you.
16:13Ah, Sanjeef Bhaskar, what's missing?
16:15Yellow duck.
16:16Ah.
16:20Hello, Sanjeef.
16:21What's missing?
16:24I'm going to go for another yellow duck.
16:27Duck, yep.
16:30There you go.
16:31Duck.
16:32Right.
16:33Which duck?
16:34Now you wonder what...
16:35I knew you were going to say that!
16:36It's nothing to do with a duck.
16:37Start with the thing of it.
16:39What's missing?
16:40I'm going to say two yellow ducks.
16:44Er, my next answer is going to be another yellow duck.
16:47Oh, you can...
16:48Do you want me to put that in now?
16:49Do you know what?
16:50That'll save a bit of time, innit?
16:51Yeah.
16:52Do you want me to give you the next answer as well?
16:56Well, it would save some time.
16:57It's up to you if you want to.
16:58Okay.
16:59Great.
17:00Well, I've actually...
17:01The question for number six is actually what's new in the room.
17:03Oh, is it?
17:04Hmm.
17:05Yeah, what the hell?
17:06Duck, is it?
17:07Yeah.
17:09Rhys Shearsmith.
17:10What's missing?
17:11What's missing?
17:12What is missing?
17:13The duck's face.
17:14You've got to tie off some ducks.
17:15There's a cat in here.
17:16Teapot.
17:17Rhys Shearsmith.
17:18How are you?
17:19Just before I ask you the question.
17:20I think just get on with it.
17:21What's missing, is it?
17:22What's missing?
17:23Yeah.
17:24Mr. Rhys Shearsmith.
17:25That's what's missing.
17:26What was the one after that?
17:27Oh, what's missing?
17:28Yeah, what's missing?
17:29Nothing's changed here.
17:35Definitely.
17:36Not.
17:45Well, that's new.
17:48So, just two questions left.
17:50Well, question nine is what's missing?
17:53What was in the room that isn't in the room now?
17:55Yep.
17:56Yep.
17:57Okay.
17:58And then question ten is what connects all the correct answers?
18:01What connects?
18:02All the correct answers.
18:03Okay.
18:06I do too.
18:07Excellent.
18:08And that's the end of the task.
18:09I didn't get to honk my horn as much as usual, but I will honk it now.
18:11There you go.
18:12I didn't do very well.
18:13By name, by noise.
18:16Thank you very much.
18:17Thank you, Sanjeev.
18:18We've got duck, duck faces.
18:20We've got a tie, some ducks, cats, teapot, mister, and the colour permitted from a duck.
18:25I'm going to say it's duck things.
18:28Connects all the answers.
18:29That's it.
18:30See you, Rhys.
18:31See you later.
18:32APPLAUSE
18:35I mean, that's one way to do it, Sanjeev.
18:40Not to care.
18:41But it's true.
18:42My enthusiasm, my will to live, my soul, they had all left the room.
18:47Did you have a lovely time, Rhys?
18:50It was frustrating.
18:52I thought the big duck walking out of the toilet, I thought, well, this is going to send him over the edge.
18:56That's new.
18:58No, it was sort of, it was what you would do to break somebody.
19:01Shall we see what was actually missing?
19:04Who, yeah, who got it right?
19:05Well, Sanjeev didn't, of course, notice the enormous duck at any point.
19:09Couldn't give a shit.
19:10Well, let's see if that tactic works.
19:17This is what was going on.
19:20Go and sit in the entrance lobby on Alex's horn.
19:24And return on Alex's whistle.
19:31Alex, I'm here.
19:33Helen!
19:34Blow your whistle!
19:35Hello.
19:36What's missing?
19:37One of the many ducks.
19:39A pumpkin.
19:40Eggs.
19:41Eggs.
19:42Eggs.
19:43What's missing?
19:44Teapot.
19:45A horse.
19:46Nothing.
19:47There has been a slam of the door each time I've come out.
19:49The question for number six is actually what's new in the rooms.
19:52Duck, is it?
19:53Yeah.
19:56What connects all the correct answers?
20:03I'm going to say it's duck.
20:05Duck things connects all the answers.
20:08Yeah.
20:09No doubt.
20:10Yeah.
20:13He's playing good in the end, but who would have thought?
20:15Literally, a person who couldn't care less whether he was here or not
20:19has got the system right.
20:20Yeah.
20:21Well, Maisie, you didn't put duck once.
20:23What a stupid task!
20:26Please!
20:27You've changed your tube.
20:28That is so stupid!
20:29Show us mud face again.
20:30LAUGHTER
20:40Phil, you got one and a half right out of ten.
20:42Oh, what's the half?
20:43Well, you put all the ducks were missing at one point,
20:45because he didn't see that all the ducks were still in the room.
20:47Oh, yeah.
20:48In fact, just one of the ducks was missing at that point.
20:49So I've given you a half.
20:50Oh.
20:51And you got two right.
20:52Rhys, you got five right, but the winner and five points to him
20:55is Sanjeev with six points!
20:56There it is!
20:57CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
21:02Scoreboard, please.
21:03Well, Rhys is in second place with seven points,
21:05but in the lead with eight points, it's Anya!
21:07Oh!
21:08CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
21:10Next task, please.
21:11OK.
21:12And it's time for an art task that made them go above and beyond the canvas.
21:20Ooh!
21:21Ooh!
21:22Ooh!
21:23It's WIL WHETHER
21:24You won't kill her.
21:25No, no, no.
21:26No, no, no.
21:27ć
21:53LAUGHTER
21:56Hello. Hello.
21:59And stop.
22:01You feel safe? Well, I did.
22:03Now I don't, since you said that.
22:05I'm not going to talk to you until you're safe.
22:08Am I not safe? No.
22:10Safe from what? Peril.
22:12Peril?
22:14This will hurt a little bit.
22:16OK, clicked in.
22:18You are secure.
22:20I haven't been harnessed in months.
22:26This is great.
22:28Oh, God!
22:30It's really quick how much it hurt and pulls you back.
22:34Paint the best picture of one animal
22:38sitting on top of another animal.
22:41You must paint on the paper below.
22:44I didn't spot that.
22:49Excellent.
22:51You must not leave the balcony.
22:52You have 15 minutes and your time starts now.
22:56OK, let me just have a little look at my things I've got.
22:59Interesting.
23:01So that's for the finer work.
23:03Oh, well, this is just stupid.
23:06It's a fast-master classic, really.
23:17It's paint a picture, you know, in difficult circumstances.
23:20Mm-hm.
23:21So I think we'll just crack on with it.
23:22But before we do, would anyone like to see Anya deliberately run away
23:26from something that she's been tethered to
23:28and make a noise like a small cat?
23:30LAUGHTER
23:32You're in luck.
23:34Wow!
23:36APPLAUSE
23:38OK, here they all are creating their high-concept artwork.
23:43So, what animals are there?
23:44Snakes.
23:45Pig.
23:46An orangutan.
23:47Have you decided on your animal yet?
23:48No, I'm just trying to work out how useful these things are.
23:49No.
23:50No?
23:51Not yet.
23:52All right.
23:53I hear you're quite an artist, Rhys.
23:54Not on this scale.
23:55We need brown.
23:56Brown is red and blue.
23:57OK.
23:58Just going to be a mucky horse.
23:59So it's an orangutan sitting on a mucky horse?
24:00Yeah.
24:01That's a horse.
24:02Just screams horse to me.
24:03Yeah.
24:04That's a horse.
24:05Just screams horse to me.
24:06Yeah.
24:07That's a horse.
24:08Just screams horse to me.
24:09Yeah.
24:10Yeah.
24:11Yeah.
24:12Yeah.
24:13Yeah.
24:14Yeah.
24:15Yeah.
24:16Yeah.
24:17Yeah.
24:18Yeah.
24:19Yeah.
24:20Yeah.
24:21Yeah.
24:22No, I'm trying to draw a top view of a hippopotamus.
24:29Hippos are quite big bodies.
24:32Oh my god.
24:36Oh, its lovely.
24:38Or maybe it's a dragon.
24:39Could be a Komodo Dragon.
24:40That's a dressing gown isn't it?
24:41Well that's quite good.
24:43Why not?
24:44Ugh!
24:46why not come on horsey oh this is so stupid right this is ungainly
25:01oh shut up Alex sorry I'm gonna have to use the tube Alex could you pour it in the end really just
25:12stop when I tell you obviously right start pouring there we go there we go stop pouring
25:21stop pouring I said I haven't now a panda that is striped ginger cat it was good for a bit this
25:4215 seconds oh I'm quite happy with that do we sign it hey hey okay it's gone I
26:04so yeah I say before I say again I think you're wasted in this era I think you're a 70s slapstick
26:10king it's good well it's an orangutan on either a dog a horse or a fire-breathing dragon yes it was
26:35meant to be fire but it looks like it is big just bleeding from its mouth it's a great demonic
26:43creature in this film oh thank you you're welcome let's have a look at Sanjeev's effort here we go
26:49so this is viewed from above it's a ginger cat sitting on the back of a hippopotamus oh okay yeah yeah it's a big gray
27:04thing all right yeah do you need me to make the noise who's next let's have a look at Maisie's one oh wow
27:17never has anyone fucked up their own snakes over you like the detail though the detail in the in the tail that's pretty good squiggly
27:26squiggly piggy tail yeah squiggly piggy tail they've got corkscrew penises as well did you know what I did
27:33what are you talking about a corkscrew penis they've got a penis that's shaped like a corkscrew like a spiral no the other bit
27:42the arms okay let's leave the gallery for a quick break and then as has happened throughout our friendship
27:57I'll show Alex some images of one animal on top of another
28:01hello here we are again welcome back to an arty part three our contestants have all had a long distance
28:18relationship with their canvases best picture of an animal sitting on top of another animal wins
28:23and our next gallery singleton comes from resident artist Reese Wayne Shearsmith
28:28it's a crocodile yeah it's a pretty good oh it's a great crocodile if you imagine it it's quite a
28:40coquettish panda it's looking to the left like it's a pretty good pattern that's exactly what I was going
28:49for who's next it's Anya's picture of this animal sitting on this animal
28:54oh wow that is the worst isn't it what do you mean is it a dolphin yeah it's a whale I can see it's
29:06aquatic yeah yeah it's in the sea and is the other animal the yellow thing yes a chicken leg
29:12it's a bird it's not a bird you said it was a monkey
29:16all right it's a rubbish it's a rubbish monkey on top of some sort of aquatic creature um show me
29:26them all and I'll make some decisions okay I really like all of the paintings I do I enjoy them so I'm
29:32not going to give anyone one point I know you won't like this right um I think that at the bottom of
29:37the pile with two points each and I don't think this is unfair would be Anya and Sanjeev I certainly
29:42don't think that's a cat and my god that's no monkey but sure there's a hippo and I can see
29:49that's aquatic so I'm going to give them two points okay two to Anya two to Sanjeev I've got it I'm going
29:53to give four points each to Maisie and Rhys because I really like their paintings but it's the detail
29:59on the orangutan that takes the five points I see the orangutan and I feel good
30:03it's five points to Phil Ellis well done please may we have one more task yes of course and now it's
30:15time to put all five of them in some awkward positions in the dome
30:18hi Alex oh hi Maisie in you go Anya in I go can I read that
30:47please read and do the task immediately your time started when you walk through the door oh
30:54okay my time's already started need that in bigger writing or maybe on the outside of the
30:59right dome okay I'll get on that have a little look I'll just read this shall I okay you must read
31:08each of these instructions out and do them immediately stand on one leg and keep standing on one leg doing
31:16it now that's my bad leg that's it put one finger in you I've got no balance I've got flat feet put one
31:23finger in your ear and keep it there put your other hand on your head and keep it there pull an extreme
31:30facial expression and keep that expression on your face yeah yeah lovely wow your time has started and
31:42will end if you move your hands touch the ground with your foot please read and do the task immediately
31:51the time starts when you walk through the door yeah what's the task all the information is on the task
32:00grease what why is it why does the chicken cross the road to get to the other side why did the chicken
32:16crop turn over turn up turn the task oh you oh come on it's not touching the ground oh you're okay
32:31oh sorry it's fine oh there we go you done it you done it you know I've done it oh say the most five
32:40letter words if anyone uses the same five letter words as you five words will be lost from both your
32:48totals most five letter words wins I have 20 minutes yeah of this
32:55spoken for everyone there I mean it's a fun task yeah 20 minutes of this it does seem like cruel
33:15torture you're just resting on that thing mmm as always so all the information to the task from that
33:20let's have a look let's have a look okay well here is a clip about APR no not your annual percentage
33:30rate it's Anya Phil and Reese Wayne Shearsmith say the most five letter word um am I allowed to rest the
33:44leg leg on anything I've tried to put all the information on the task oh that's opened up a
33:51whole new world to me takes staff tiger horse lovely here we go animals roads gangs crook crime
34:01pasty oh no but someone else has probably said that pasty oh I'm just confused about why that's
34:09okay you've got 16 minutes left oh I know I know now that's the end of the task what it doesn't
34:24it doesn't say that oh shit oh oh how long do I have to do it for you've got a maximum of 20 minutes
34:3720 minutes yeah how many minutes left 12 and a half 12 and a half 12 and a half you've got 12 minutes
34:43left 12 minutes Jesus Christ tango on the dances now oh beast let's have that one right beans teeth
34:52no one's gonna say that aren't they teeth plane plane I'll have plane and I'll have the other plane as
34:58well please b-i-n right both planes got it pains cramped tired hurt cruel I'm not quite I don't even have
35:07much about me Alex but I don't quit you do look in a lot of pain though I'm in so much pain I didn't
35:13realize I'd sweat quite so much uh really sweaty sweat stats just two and a half minutes left great
35:22must get clean hurt boots no shoes death sucks yeah 10 seconds let's spend on a nice one do you know what laugh
35:35before do we want them go my that was real as well
35:45I thought it was fair that you were kicked out because I was not happy with your silly face
35:56maintenance oh really yeah this was your silly face they're laughing at that that's pretty silly
36:04then good a lot of pain yeah a lot of sweat 20 minutes one leg no fucking leaning
36:09oh wow what a start okay it's time for some adverts now but fortunately their insipid
36:24bluntness will only make the next part taste even sweeter
36:27hello hello and welcome to the final part of the show how are you feeling about it all Alex you
36:43know confident relaxed a little bit Randy the holy trinity the current task involves finding the
36:50other part of the task and then saying as many unique five-letter words as possible but meanwhile
36:55if a foot touches the floor it's game over with all of that in mind and especially relevant here is
37:01Maisie and Sanjeev you must read each of these instructions out and do them immediately stand
37:09on one leg and keep standing on one leg
37:14oh my legs okay oh bollocks right I can't help noticing your foot keeps touching the ground okay yeah
37:23yeah I really needed to go to the loo actually
37:28this is it the time we started what
37:32fuck god what have I got to do
37:37that's just the road why did the ticking cross the road is it about what oh maybe
37:47but why is there an apple pie what's that for an apple pie is it
37:52oh is it an apple turn over why did the ticking cross the road to get to the apple turn over why did the ticking cross the bastard road
38:10I don't think I have to do anything you you would have said wouldn't you stop the clock
38:27you want me to stop the clock yeah I'm done I'm done okay bye bye bye
38:40I was so excited to do this show I didn't understand the task no I got frustrated yes and I left true all of
38:51that was evident I've got some interesting statistics for you Rhys you said 117 words 41 of them were
39:01said by other people mostly Phil which means your final number is minus 88 each of those 41 loses you
39:08five words yeah yeah so Rhys you come last great minds shocking cruel Maisie you get minus 81 you get
39:17two points Phil minus 74 in the end Anya minus 49 the winner of the task was minus 32
39:25the future task it turns out was to not say a lot if you'd not said a word you were
39:38one you fucking mean to tell me I stood sweating on one leg for 20 minutes and I've lost
39:53Sanjeev careless let's have a look at the scores yes Sanjeev you're in second place on 13 one point away
40:02from Anya who's got 14 points
40:09it's that time again please will you make your way to the stage for the final task of the show
40:12who will read the task young fella my lad I think Anya's gonna read it okay demonstrate to the taskmaster the idiom
40:32demonstrated to you by your teammate all team members must remain silent and on their spots during a round best team wins what is an idiom
40:42am I an idiom
40:45am I an idiom
40:46they're just phrases an idiom is something like jump on the bandwagon and first up it's gonna be the team of two
40:51I've got a list of phrases I'm gonna show you one Maisie you're going to demonstrate the idiom to your teammate
40:57Rhys Shearsmith he will then at the same time do it to Greg essentially charades with an extra link
41:03okay Greg ready to guess oh my god okay
41:06I've never been ready here we go
41:10Go
41:12Rocking man
41:19You can just copy her if you want
41:23What do you think it is Greg?
41:27What do you think it is Greg?
41:28What do you think it was in the end Rhys? Because you're the only one who saw it
41:42a taste injection a taste taste injection is she's doing this it's a phrase so think about phrases
41:49Yes
41:50They've turned on each other
41:51a taste a taste of your own injection a taste of your own medicine oh yeah they scored zero so can we have two of the team of three please if you can go and sit down and swap chairs
42:00Okay so you've got a beat zero you ready Greg ready the time will start when you see the first one
42:19Chat dog
42:21Chat chat
42:23Chat
42:25Talk
42:26Talk
42:27Chat
42:28Talk
42:29Talk
42:30Talk
42:31Talk
42:32Talk
42:33Talk
42:34Talk
42:35Talk
42:36Talk
42:37Talk
42:38Talk
42:39Talk
42:40Talk
42:41Talk
42:42Talk
42:43Talk
42:44Talk
42:45Talk
42:46Talk
42:47Talk
42:48Talk
42:49Talk
42:50Talk
42:51Talk
42:52Talk
42:53Talk
42:54Talk
42:55Talk
42:56Talk
42:57Talk
42:58Over.
43:00Go. Go.
43:03Go on.
43:05Go on, A.
43:10Wild.
43:12Right.
43:15Go on, a wild goose chase.
43:18CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
43:20They're a good one, they're a good one.
43:22CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
43:25You have the actor, Sanjeev Bhaskar, with me.
43:28Nice and quiet, everyone, please.
43:34First word.
43:35A.
43:36Oh.
43:39Moon.
43:40Oh.
43:41Leg.
43:43Knee.
43:44Thigh.
43:46Limb.
43:47Oh, shirt.
43:49Blue.
43:51Ten seconds.
43:52Moon.
43:53No blue moon.
43:55Five seconds.
43:57No balloon.
43:58No blue moon.
43:59A.
44:00One.
44:01First word.
44:02What is it?
44:03Once a blue moon.
44:04Once a blue moon.
44:05It was once a blue moon.
44:06It's one-nil, with one round to go.
44:08Well done.
44:09That was great, Sanjeev.
44:10This is the last round.
44:11One-nil.
44:12So you need to build a lead here.
44:13Good luck, Greg.
44:14Good luck, Rhys.
44:16Good luck, mate.
44:17Cold.
44:21Cold foot.
44:22Cold shoe.
44:23Cold foot.
44:24Cold foot.
44:25Cold feet.
44:29Cold feet.
44:30Cold feet.
44:31Okay, okay, um...
44:35Bite.
44:37Bite. Bite the bullet.
44:39Correct!
44:41Second hand. Tick.
44:43Lesson. Tick. What's the time?
44:46Time to fly.
44:50It's party time.
44:52Oh!
44:56Time flies what you're having, Clara.
44:58So far, 3-0 with one go to go.
45:03Ready, Greg? Yeah, I mean, yeah.
45:05Ready, Sanjay?
45:06Ready, Phil?
45:12Bite.
45:16Okay.
45:17First word.
45:18Bye.
45:19Bye.
45:20The.
45:21Don't bite the hand that feeds you, surely.
45:24By the...
45:26Oh!
45:27By the spider.
45:32By the...
45:33Oh!
45:34What was it, Phil?
45:36It was...
45:37It was dead easy.
45:38By...
45:39Skin...
45:40Of...
45:41Your teeth.
45:42Yeah.
45:43I probably would have got that if it wasn't for this.
45:45Add that to the final scores.
45:46Come down and join me!
45:47APPLAUSE
45:48Come on, mate.
45:49Okay.
45:50Well, scores-wise...
45:51Yeah.
45:52Well, it's up to you.
45:53The team of two got three right.
45:54The team of three got zero right.
45:55So, how do the points work?
45:56So, five points to the team that got some right,
45:57and no points to the ones who didn't get any well.
45:59Well done, Maisie and Rhys.
46:00Five points each!
46:01So, it's turned upside down.
46:02The two people at the bottom are now at the top.
46:03Maisie's in second place with 16 points,
46:04but the winner is...
46:05Rhys with 17 points!
46:06CHEERING
46:07Rhys Shearsmith has won!
46:08Rhys Shearsmith has won!
46:09Oh!
46:10OK, well, it's scores-wise.
46:11Well, it's up to you.
46:12Well, it's up to you.
46:13The team of two got three right,
46:14the team of three got zero right.
46:15So, how do the points work?
46:16So, five points to the team that got some right,
46:18and no points to the ones who didn't get any well.
46:19Well done, Maisie and Rhys!
46:21Five points each!
46:22So, it's turned upside down.
46:23The two people at the bottom are now at the top.
46:24The winner is...
46:25Rhys with 17 points!
46:26CHEERING
46:28Rhys Shearsmith has won!
46:30Please head up to secure your payments with a surprise aspect of them!
46:35CHEERING
46:37So, what have we learnt from today's show?
46:41We've learnt this.
46:42If you want to win in life, be more Sanjeev.
46:45Care less, win more.
46:48We've also learnt, don't tie your cat to a fence.
46:51And let's not forget, this episode's winner, Rhys Shearsmith!
46:57CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:59AND APPLAUSE
47:10AND APPLAUSE
47:13AND APPLAUSE
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