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Taskmaster UK S20E07 >>> https://dai.ly/x9skumk

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Fun
Transcript
00:00Oh, no!
00:05Hello?
00:13Hey!
00:18Nothing's ever straightforward in this stupid house.
00:30APPLAUSE
00:34Welcome, welcome to Taskmaster.
00:38A group of comics battling out to see
00:40who is the least worst at doing a thing.
00:43No-one will learn anything from the next hour,
00:46so crack open a can and give in to the pointlessness.
00:49Here are the names of our giggling gladiators.
00:52Anya Magliano!
00:55Maisie Adam!
00:57Phil Ellis!
00:59Rich Shearsmaid!
01:01And Sonji Vasquez!
01:04And next to me, a man who told them
01:07he never struggles to get back to sleep after the alarm goes off,
01:10he simply has to listen to one of his wife's descriptions
01:13of a dream she had.
01:14As he put it himself,
01:16they're so boring, I soon be snoring.
01:20It's...
01:22Little Ellerton!
01:24Good evening, everyone.
01:25Good evening.
01:26Hello.
01:28Hey, Craig.
01:29I've got you a present.
01:30Yeah?
01:31Don't you like it?
01:32It's a working mind-reading machine.
01:36You want to give it a go?
01:37Yeah.
01:39I mean, honestly,
01:40that's one of the coolest things I think I've ever seen.
01:42Oh!
01:46That's quite good!
01:47It works!
01:48Is there more?
01:49You are my best friend.
01:51Ooh!
01:52That was a bad edit, wasn't it?
01:54You are my best friend!
01:56Oh!
01:58You really mean it.
01:59This is the best...
02:00This is the best chat section ever.
02:03Let us begin!
02:04Yes, and I strongly suggest we start with the prize task,
02:07and the category this time is the thing Greg would most like
02:11to see Alex wearing.
02:14Oh, God.
02:15So, at the end of the show, not only will the winner take home
02:18five things Greg would like to see me wearing,
02:20but I might appear on the stage and don the outfit that wins
02:24this bit of the task.
02:25Ooh!
02:27Before I see any of them,
02:28I want to say that the things that make him look the most stupid,
02:32inconvenience him, or cause him pain,
02:34are the things that I'm likely to give high points.
02:37OK.
02:38Anya.
02:39It's not constrictive, but I've brought in a versatile hat.
02:41Can I see the hat?
02:42Yeah.
02:43Here's Anya's hat.
02:49That is wonderful.
02:50That, I imagine, is incredibly heavy.
02:52It's heavy, it hurts.
02:53It hurts to wear...
02:54It will ruin his life.
02:56And I'll barely be able to see him and his horrible gappy mouth.
03:00Obviously, it's got the sparkliness for, like, all your awards dues,
03:03and then it's black so you can wear it to a funeral.
03:05Friend of my heart inevitably gives in.
03:07Yeah?
03:08I'd like you to wear that to my funeral.
03:10It's a deal.
03:15That's a strong opener.
03:16OK.
03:17Sanjeev.
03:18What would the...
03:19You said constrictive...
03:21Causes embarrassment or pain.
03:22Yeah.
03:23OK.
03:24So, if you imagine him wearing this in India...
03:27All of those things are covered.
03:30Sanjeev's brought this in.
03:32It's a safari!
03:34LAUGHTER
03:36Oh, my God.
03:38Our next night out, that.
03:40You.
03:41So full.
03:42Yeah.
03:43I would walk ten paces ahead.
03:45Not for cultural reasons.
03:47LAUGHTER
03:48Just for personal safety.
03:49LAUGHTER
03:50This is wonderful.
03:51Yeah.
03:52You'll look silly in a sari, and you'll be in danger.
03:55LAUGHTER
03:56I mean, I'm excited we're having another night out.
03:58LAUGHTER
04:00Phil.
04:01It's a suit I've made, and it's covered in various things
04:05that will attract predators.
04:07LAUGHTER
04:09Yes, it is.
04:10This is what it looks like, Greg.
04:11Oh, here we go.
04:12There we are.
04:14LAUGHTER
04:15Oh, it's beyond my wildest dreams.
04:18LAUGHTER
04:19We all got some steaks there for any carnivores.
04:22Some sausages, maybe we get a cartoon fun dog chasing him.
04:25Yeah.
04:26And, er...
04:27And, honey, wouldn't we all like to see Winnie the Pooh attached
04:30to his back clawing away at him?
04:32Wouldn't we?
04:33With his little T-shirt on, nothing below the waist.
04:36Lovely.
04:37The rest blowing in the wind.
04:38Why Winnie and not one of the bad bears?
04:40Winnie behind closed doors is a real piece of shit.
04:43LAUGHTER
04:45I absolutely love it.
04:48Maisie, have you got something that will humiliate my friend?
04:51The late Lady Diana's revenge dress.
04:53LAUGHTER
05:00You mean this one?
05:01That's the one!
05:03LAUGHTER
05:04It's off-the-shoulder, form-fitting,
05:05with an asymmetrical hemline and chiffon train.
05:08LAUGHTER
05:09Cleavage-bearing, a departure from typical royal attire, of course.
05:12Yeah, yeah, yeah.
05:13It was, apparently, a statement of defiance
05:15and a powerful symbol of reclaiming her narrative.
05:17There you go!
05:18It was soon after finding out about the divorce, I think, wasn't it?
05:20Yeah.
05:21Yeah.
05:22I've often heard you say backstage there's three people in this marriage.
05:25LAUGHTER
05:26God, these are all strong.
05:28Rhys. Rhys.
05:29Rhys.
05:30You have mentioned sometimes, haven't you, Greg,
05:32that you used to be a teacher?
05:33Yes.
05:34You occasionally mention it.
05:35I may have got a bit of material out of me.
05:37Yes, yes.
05:38I presume when you were teaching, if someone was hard of thinking,
05:41they would be given the dunce's cap.
05:43So I thought, what's the next best thing?
05:45It's basically a hat with a propeller on it.
05:47LAUGHTER
05:48This is the hat.
05:50Let's have a look.
05:51LAUGHTER
05:52I think that should win.
05:54That is...
05:55Oh!
05:56LAUGHTER
05:57What a nightmare.
05:58Can I say, the reason I find it hard to score that highly
06:01is because he, and I mean this, would genuinely wear that out of children.
06:05LAUGHTER
06:06I've miscalculated them.
06:08Yeah, it would appear so.
06:09LAUGHTER
06:11I like all of them.
06:12I'm going to do something that will annoy you.
06:14LAUGHTER
06:15OK?
06:16I'm not going to give anyone one point.
06:18LAUGHTER
06:19I'm going to give Rhys Shearsmith two points...
06:21Yes.
06:22..for that hat, just because I'm in a good mood.
06:24I'm going to give hat number two, that Anya brought in, three points.
06:28Right.
06:29Because I liked it, but I think part of Alex would like that too.
06:32Four points for the Sari.
06:34OK, one on Sanjeev, four points.
06:36And then we're up into the big guns.
06:38LAUGHTER
06:40It's so difficult for me between meat and Diana.
06:43LAUGHTER
06:44I'm going to give five points to the late Lady Diana dress
06:48and the meat outfit.
06:50That's how I'm going to play.
06:51OK, five to Maison, five to four.
06:53APPLAUSE
06:55I have to ask, what should I wear at the end of the show?
06:58I tell you what, you put the dress on, I'll throw meat at you from Diana.
07:01LAUGHTER
07:03Yeah.
07:04Looks like we got ourselves a shoal!
07:06LAUGHTER
07:08Let's have a tusk proper.
07:10Let's see the extraordinary power of one little snip.
07:14MUSIC
07:16MUSIC
07:17MUSIC
07:18I thought you were going to be sat there.
07:20Hello.
07:21May I?
07:22Please do.
07:23An envelope, a cushion, string and a gorgeous set of scissors.
07:37Would you like me to open the task?
07:38Yeah, OK, yeah.
07:39Can I use the scissors?
07:40Yeah.
07:41MUSIC
07:44Cut a single string...
07:46..to cause the greatest effect?
07:49You have 20 minutes.
07:51Your time starts now.
07:53Greatest effect is pretty broad.
07:55It's too bloody broad, isn't it?
07:56Oh, right.
07:57That's subjective, isn't it?
07:59Yes, some of these tasks are.
08:00Yeah.
08:01Maybe I shouldn't tell you what I'm going to do.
08:03Just do it.
08:04Might need that, don't know.
08:06It's all good stuff, isn't it?
08:08LAUGHTER
08:09APPLAUSE
08:15Yet again, Phil, positive,
08:17making fun out of just having a pair of scissors in front of him.
08:21I try to look at the bright side of life and just enjoy every second.
08:24Good. That's wonderful.
08:25He said that like the summer with a gun.
08:27LAUGHTER
08:29Alex.
08:30Greg.
08:31Shall we see some?
08:32Why not?
08:33Let's begin with Phil, short for Philip,
08:35and Anya, short for genetic reasons.
08:37Here we go.
08:38LAUGHTER
08:39I think there's one more item, if possible.
08:42Have you got a watch on?
08:44Yes, always.
08:45Brilliant.
08:46Strange response.
08:47Do you mind if I take it?
08:48Depends.
08:49Well, I'll look after it.
08:50I'm not an animal.
08:51It's a good watch, this.
08:53Right.
08:54I don't know how long you've got left.
08:55Well, none of us do, don't we?
08:57Isn't that life's big question?
08:58Got out of the fun of it, really.
09:00I'll take the old bloody thing, that's right.
09:03See you.
09:05OK.
09:06OK.
09:07Really simple.
09:08We're going to winch the glasses over the house, and then I'll smash the glasses.
09:15Talk's ticking, Anya.
09:16OK.
09:23OK.
09:24Would you like to take a seat, please?
09:26Thank you so much for coming.
09:27Thanks, guys.
09:28Right.
09:29Right.
09:30So, that's a single piece of string.
09:32This is the anvil.
09:33Mm-hm.
09:34So, just gonna...
09:38OK.
09:39You might remember earlier, I took your watch from you.
09:42Yeah, I remember that.
09:43Well, I'm going to give it back, because I'm a good person.
09:46But, first of all...
09:49We've got the trap, we've got the watch.
09:52Well, I do like my watch.
09:54It's a beautiful watch, but points are points.
09:57So, here we go.
09:58I imagine you've got about a minute left.
10:00A minute left.
10:01Oh!
10:05Ooh!
10:06That's good, but it's not what I wanted.
10:08OK.
10:11That's on!
10:12Was that the little bit you were aiming for?
10:13Yeah.
10:14Amazing.
10:17Watch your head.
10:18OK.
10:19We're gonna do it.
10:20We're going for it, are we?
10:21OK.
10:24Five.
10:25Four.
10:27Three.
10:29Two.
10:31One.
10:37Oh.
10:38I thought it would be bigger than that.
10:42I thought it was gonna cover the whole house.
10:44Yes!
10:47Oh, no, you just smashed it.
11:01Happy with that.
11:03Does it still work, Phil?
11:05It does still work, but much like me, it's damaged.
11:08Can I have it back?
11:09You can have it back.
11:10Of course you can.
11:11There you go.
11:13No, thank you very much.
11:14I appreciate you trusting me enough with that.
11:15Well, another day.
11:16Another dollar.
11:17Another dollar.
11:18Let's get back to the ground.
11:23Well, I mean, I worked with you the whole way.
11:24Yeah.
11:25I was thinking, she's got it sus.
11:26I found it was pretty spectacular when you managed to lasso the weathervane.
11:29It was all going well.
11:30Yeah.
11:31And then...
11:33Well, I wrote down where I...
11:35What I think let the whole thing down was, I thought it would cover the whole house.
11:39Do you think it was like nuclear paintball?
11:43Sometimes I don't even need to score this, because you scored it yourself.
11:48After the video, you went, ah.
11:51Yeah, sometimes you have to know when it's over.
11:54Yes.
11:55But I've got a lot of my life left to live.
12:00Well, I still enjoyed it.
12:02I enjoyed watching you fail.
12:03Phil, this was bold.
12:06Because he loves that watch.
12:08Well, is it broken?
12:09No, it's not broken.
12:10It made it sort of dirty.
12:11Oh, it's horrific.
12:12What an impact.
12:13But you should see the house.
12:18I can't.
12:19I can't.
12:20It's just a clown.
12:22Let's see some others.
12:23OK.
12:24Well, the next one's not for the squeamish, because it's Rhys Shearsmish.
12:29Ooh.
12:30And so, Contessa, for three days you have denied answering our questions.
12:41Hmm.
12:42You still will not loosen your tug?
12:45Hmm.
12:46For the greatest effect, one small snip is all it will take.
12:52Let us see if we cannot change your mind.
12:57You still want that compass?
12:58Ever lower the pit and the pendulum swings upon the gut of the mistress.
13:14Do you have anything to say, you my lady?
13:17Oh, rather than how?
13:19There's no reason.
13:20You must not steal again from the supermarkets.
13:25What the hell?
13:26Do it?
13:27It was you.
13:30Ah.
13:31She has expired.
13:33Never again will you steal from Asda.
13:39Lower it.
13:40Finish her off.
13:41The work here is done.
14:00Never again will you steal cream eggs from Asda.
14:06Bring in the next one.
14:08He is said to have putt on a single yeller.
14:20Wonderful filmic ambition.
14:22I'd like, for the first time in this series,
14:24to drill down into the narrative somewhat.
14:26Who are these characters?
14:28Well, it's based clearly on Eggdrill and Poe's pitting the pendulum.
14:32Of course.
14:33Yes.
14:34In which a man is tortured, sort of in the Inquisition style.
14:38And I changed it slightly that he'd been stealing cream eggs from Asda.
14:42From Asda, yes.
14:43Right.
14:44Where was your character from?
14:45He was Spanish?
14:46Er, no.
14:47He's...
14:48He's from Hull.
14:52Great effect indeed.
14:54OK.
14:55I'd like to announce the end in part one.
14:56And it's time, ladies and gentlemen.
14:58Strap yourselves in.
15:00Alex is going to end this part with his Robert De Niro impression.
15:04Ooh.
15:05You talking to me?
15:07Are you talking to me?
15:09It's like he's in the room!
15:11Yes!
15:12It's the start of part two.
15:25We've been seeing the dramatic consequences that can occur
15:28after cutting one single piece of string.
15:31Yes.
15:32Especially if you parked on a single yellow!
15:36Time now to see what...
15:37I didn't know you were from Hull.
15:39Time now to see what Maisie and Sanjeev decided was a good idea.
15:44Here we go.
15:50Aha.
15:51Right.
15:52OK.
15:53You sure?
15:54No.
15:55But here goes.
15:56OK.
15:57Thank you, Sanjeev.
15:58Hmm.
15:59Quite a shame.
16:00Is it?
16:01Yeah.
16:02Greatest effect, you want most of the string.
16:04For greatest effect, you want most of the string.
16:06If I cut it at the very end, I've got more string so I can do more with it.
16:07If I hook it round that...
16:08Yeah.
16:09If I hook it round that...
16:10Yeah.
16:11So you are going to cut the string at some point, are you?
16:12Alex, leave the room.
16:13Oh.
16:14Oh.
16:15Right, duck.
16:16Right, duck.
16:17OK.
16:18Right, duck.
16:19Right, duck.
16:20OK.
16:21OK.
16:22OK.
16:23OK.
16:24OK.
16:25So you are going to cut the string at some point, are you?
16:26Alex, leave the room.
16:27Oh.
16:28Right, duck.
16:29OK.
16:30OK.
16:31OK.
16:32OK.
16:33OK.
16:34OK.
16:35OK.
16:36OK.
16:37OK.
16:38OK.
16:39OK.
16:40OK.
16:41OK.
16:42OK.
16:43OK.
16:44OK.
16:45OK.
16:46OK.
16:47OK.
16:48OK.
16:49OK.
16:52Upon invitation, Alex is going to walk in, pull off that hook,
16:56and it's going to tug this horse, which will bring the chicken down.
16:59He'll think, right, that's the chicken out of the way.
17:02Surprise, another chicken.
17:04That chicken, still not over.
17:07Third poulet of the day is going to land ready to eat.
17:10And I'll be waiting, saying, cheers.
17:13There's your seat.
17:14Alex, please enter the restaurant.
17:17The restaurant?
17:18The room.
17:19OK.
17:20Here I come.
17:21Yep.
17:24Hooray!
17:28Bon appetit!
17:32Hooray!
17:36Bon appetit!
17:38That's an absolute cockfest.
17:39Look at that.
17:40Three chickens fell over.
17:41Yeah.
17:42And you just cut one bit of string.
17:43That's really good, isn't it?
17:44Absolute cockfest.
17:45Yeah!
17:46Yeah!
17:47Oh!
17:48Yeah!
17:50What the heck?
17:55Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
17:57Ah!
17:59Oh, my God.
18:29I've got one word for you.
18:42Existentialism.
18:51I've got to be honest, I was going to score you highly
18:54when you just let the table miss the egg.
18:57I thought, that is so clever,
18:59because we're all expecting the egg to be smashed.
19:01And you deliberately made it miss the egg, obviously.
19:04And then... And then?
19:06What a second chapter.
19:09Did you deliberately have the balls miss the second egg,
19:12or was that just fluke?
19:13That... No, it was deliberate,
19:14because the whole thing is you expect the eggs to break.
19:17Yeah.
19:17And that's why I said it's existential,
19:19because everybody as people are the kind of most vulnerable thing,
19:23like an egg, and situation and time and the world
19:25and everything is everything else.
19:27But we can survive it.
19:31You, my friend, are on the wrong show.
19:33So, Maisie, I did think it was fairly chaotic.
19:39You helped one of the chickens off the thing,
19:42but it was still a pretty great effect.
19:44Oh, thank you.
19:45And you had the best celebration as well.
19:47Whey!
19:48OK, I can score.
19:50What is the least effect?
19:52Well, it's Anya.
19:52I'm sorry.
19:541.8.
19:55OK, I think I'll have to give you two on this occasion, Maisie,
19:58and I'll give the anvil three.
20:00OK, Phil get three.
20:01No, I don't know.
20:02It was profundity and action,
20:04so I think probably Sanjeev just pips it.
20:07So, four points to Rhys, five points to Sanjeev.
20:09There we go. Five points to Sanjeev.
20:12Can I see the series scores?
20:14Yes, it's tight.
20:15It really is. Sanjeev is at the bottom with 76,
20:18and then it goes Maisie 80, Phil 81, Anya 82,
20:21Rhys suddenly in the lead with 83.
20:22Oh!
20:24Right, let's have another.
20:27Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!
20:44What is it this time?
20:45Well, we're in a corridor.
20:47I know.
20:48What if I don't like heights?
20:50OK.
20:51Write an autobiographical ten-word story.
20:55You have two minutes.
20:58Your time starts now.
21:00On the notepad, please.
21:03Ten-word story.
21:04I don't think I need that many.
21:06I have to write it.
21:07An autobiographical ten-word story.
21:10That's what he wants.
21:12He?
21:12Greg Davis.
21:13He's the Taskmaster.
21:17Yes, thank you.
21:21Ooh, what else have I done in my life?
21:24Great, done.
21:25Happy with your story?
21:27It's true.
21:28Do you mind just showing me your...
21:30...story?
21:30That's for you, and I'll take this away.
21:36Oh.
21:37Oh.
21:38OK.
21:39There we go.
21:39That's for you.
21:40Oh, I knew you were up to something troublesome.
21:44Communicate your story to the Taskmaster.
21:47You may not leave the bridge.
21:49The most accurately communicated story wins.
21:52You have ten minutes to prepare your performance.
21:55Then 30 seconds to communicate your story.
21:58Your time starts now.
21:59You've got time to prepare or practice or...
22:01No, let's just go for it.
22:02You just want to go for it, Mia?
22:03Yeah, let's go for it.
22:08Oh, that's bloody useless.
22:10What is this?
22:11Anya, are you ready?
22:12Yeah.
22:13Ready, Maisie?
22:14Ready.
22:15Am I able to write on this window?
22:19Taskmaster will be watching.
22:21Well, where's the Taskmaster?
22:22Oh, shit!
22:32Race grumpy that morning?
22:36No, I thought that's me on a good day.
22:39Sanjeev didn't take any rehearsal time,
22:41just launched straight into it.
22:43But we've learnt today,
22:45we shouldn't write Sanjeev off.
22:46There's a lot going on up there.
22:50Can we see their ten-word stories?
22:51I'm ever so excited.
22:52Yes.
22:53So we're going to see them one at a time, Greg.
22:54You've got to watch it
22:55and you've got to try to scribble down
22:56what you think the story is, Greg.
22:57First up,
22:59is he Mr Cool and Confident
23:00or is it Mr Let's Hurry Up
23:02so I can bog off home early?
23:03Either way,
23:03it's definitely Mr Sanjeev Bassett.
23:05LAUGHTER
23:06LAUGHTER
23:06This is what I've gone with.
23:09THEY CONFER
23:30This is what I've gone with.
23:32A child is born, he grows up to be Sanjeev.
23:36LAUGHTER
23:38That might be slightly better than what I wrote.
23:41Well, the gist is pretty good.
23:43The story was, I was born, Sanjeev, which I remain to this day.
23:47LAUGHTER
23:48Wow. It's not bad.
23:50Not bad. Not bad.
23:51We have to take the gist as correct into it when I'm scoring.
23:54OK. You want to see another one?
23:56Yes, I do. Who's can I see?
23:58I want you to see Maisie's ten-word story.
24:00OK. Here we go.
24:08MUSIC
24:17You look like you don't know what it was.
24:19I don't know what that was.
24:21I've got it.
24:22Oh.
24:23You're ahead of me.
24:25I've written,
24:26Bored woman sarcastically indicates she did not enjoy man's company.
24:32LAUGHTER
24:34I mean, that is my autobiography, actually.
24:37LAUGHTER
24:39It's not a million miles off.
24:41Maisie, you wrote,
24:43He keeps explaining the plot of the show I'm in.
24:46LAUGHTER
24:47What?
24:48Because you asked me to read the rules out a couple of times.
24:51You got infuriated, you wrote that down.
24:53LAUGHTER
24:54I'm a fucking idiot.
24:56LAUGHTER
24:57You've had highs, but this is a low.
25:00OK. Who's next?
25:01OK, I'm going to show you one more before the break.
25:03Here is Phil's autobiographical ten-word story.
25:06Here we go.
25:07Who's next?
25:08Who's next?
25:09Who's next?
25:10Who's next?
25:12I mean, you have to take care of your mind.
25:14You're one more person-BERNATH CARTER.
25:16You're one more person- capital.
25:17Who are you?
25:18Who's next?
25:19You're one more person- Jade!
25:20Who are you?
25:21Another person-RxD-G-T-C-T-C-B,
25:22Who are you?
25:23A beautiful person-TERNATH CARTER.
25:24Yeah, you're a beautiful person-TERNATH CARTER.
25:26When you've got tired, you have to be lonely.
25:27Man-Fudden-RxD-RxD-RxD,
25:28He's a sweet person-TERNATH CARTER.
25:30It's a special person-TERNATH colleague,
25:32MUSIC CONTINUES
25:37LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
25:43It's a tale of the oldest time.
25:45LAUGHTER
25:47I'll tell you what's thrown it and what I think is going to damage it,
25:50is I couldn't decide what this was.
25:53And in the end, I decided it was a circus tent.
25:56Do you think you've got it? This is what I've written.
25:58OK, yep.
25:59He's born to circus, runs away, but returns when skint.
26:05LAUGHTER
26:07No, I think that's pretty...
26:09Yeah.
26:10He actually wrote,
26:11Preston born, Preston raised, left Preston, failed, return to Preston.
26:16LAUGHTER
26:18APPLAUSE
26:20But journey's there. Yeah.
26:22Do you remember why?
26:24Priest town.
26:26Is this a church? That's a church. Come on.
26:28You've got a couple of words right and you've got the gist right,
26:30but circus was wrong.
26:32OK, it's break time once more.
26:34So, stand up, have a stretch, have a scratch, have a retch,
26:37have a burp, have a yawn, pick up your phone,
26:40look at some porn, close the curtains, make a dent,
26:42and before you know, we'll be back again.
26:44LAUGHTER
26:45APPLAUSE
26:46Hello.
26:51Welcome back to part three of Taskmaster.
26:57Before the break, the cast had written ten-word autobiographical stories
27:01and were trying to communicate them in silence for me to interpret.
27:05What would your ten-word story be, Alex?
27:08Hmm, good question. I suppose it'd be...
27:10No-one cares!
27:12LAUGHTER
27:14OK, well, here's Rhys' story now.
27:18Ten-word, autobiographical, have a look at this.
27:21WHISTLE BLOWS
27:35MUSIC
27:40MUSIC
27:45MUSIC
27:50APPLAUSE
27:54So, that's what you've got to work on, Greg.
27:56OK, well, all I've got is when I was a little.
27:59I don't know what to do.
28:01No.
28:02Well, it's an autobiographical story.
28:03What do you think happened to Rhys when he was little, I suppose?
28:06When I was a little boy...
28:09I...
28:10was...
28:12sometimes...
28:15grumpy.
28:17LAUGHTER
28:19Well, you've got the gist of it.
28:21Oh.
28:22When I was little, I choked on Monster Munch crisps.
28:25LAUGHTER
28:28Which would make you cross.
28:29Really angry.
28:30On the back of my brother's bike,
28:32I started to choke on pickled onion Monster Munch crisps.
28:35The greatest of all the flavours.
28:37The thing they're saying was there's holes in the crisps,
28:39and I think it went...
28:40And I had a gap.
28:41LAUGHTER
28:42He's only here because he breathed through a Monster Munch's foot.
28:45LAUGHTER
28:46Well, there's only one left to see.
28:47Here we go.
28:48Finally.
28:49Finally, it's Anja.
28:50Fanyu...
28:51No?
28:52OK.
28:53Anja.
28:54LAUGHTER
29:08MUSIC
29:09Who's a boy
29:11Who...
29:13...
29:14How much!
29:15How FROM この
29:19MUSIC PLAYS
29:24APPLAUSE
29:27It's like a Kate Bush music video.
29:31Have you auditioned for Radha?
29:33Because that... Do you think that was good? Yeah.
29:35And he was in Paddington too.
29:37LAUGHTER
29:40That's true, isn't it? That is true.
29:42I didn't finish the previous sentence to which you took as a compliment.
29:47LAUGHTER
29:49Wait, what were you going to say?
29:51Well, well done.
29:53Well done.
29:54So, this is what I've gone with.
29:56Baby born to dancing cat,
29:58who writes, jumps and then dies.
30:02LAUGHTER
30:04And you're born.
30:05Cats, the musical, school, university, trampolining, and you die.
30:09LAUGHTER
30:12It was the full life.
30:13I told the story in a different way.
30:15I did it through bullet points, which I think...
30:17I didn't realise that you could do it as one sentence.
30:19I thought it was like,
30:20do the main events of your life.
30:22Birth.
30:23Cats, the musical.
30:24I went trampolining.
30:26Cats, the musical is a big thing in your life, right?
30:28Yeah.
30:29Were you in it, or...?
30:30I watched it.
30:31LAUGHTER
30:33What did you write again, Fred?
30:34A baby born.
30:35Anya born.
30:36That's good.
30:37To dancing cat.
30:38Cats, the musical.
30:39Who writes...
30:40School, university.
30:42Jumps.
30:43Trampolining.
30:44And dives.
30:45Anya die.
30:46Wow!
30:47APPLAUSE
30:48That's really good!
30:49APPLAUSE
30:50So, it seems to me, Maisie, unfortunately,
30:53should come in last place and receive one point.
30:55OK, cos she didn't really understand it.
30:57Followed by half-a-storey Rhys with two points.
30:59OK.
31:00Phil didn't go to the circus, but he did the rest of the stuff.
31:02Yeah.
31:03Three points.
31:04Anya, surprisingly accurate, despite unusual priorities in life.
31:10LAUGHTER
31:11Four points.
31:12But Sanjeev, proving once again,
31:14sometimes, simplicity is best.
31:17Five points to Sanjeev.
31:18APPLAUSE
31:23Another task, please, my basic boy.
31:25Yes, I am here to adhere.
31:27And now, on the flippers, we're off to the lab.
31:30LAUGHTER
31:45Hello.
31:46You OK?
31:47I am, yeah.
31:48You?
31:49Nice flower.
31:50It's a new look you're trying?
31:52Maybe.
31:53I'll just sort of mix things up.
31:54OK.
31:55Hello.
31:56You know there's protests outside this lab?
31:57Again?
31:58Yeah.
31:59They're trying to stop you, whatever you're doing here.
32:01LAUGHTER
32:02Should I step into the ring?
32:03That's up to you.
32:04Well...
32:06Is it?
32:07LAUGHTER
32:12Ugh.
32:14Creepy.
32:15There's no strings attached to this, is there?
32:18LAUGHTER
32:20Wear the flippers correctly.
32:22The slowest wins.
32:23The slowest wins.
32:25Your time started when you entered the room.
32:29I have read that correctly.
32:31Slowest wins.
32:33Slowest.
32:34What a strange task.
32:38APPLAUSE
32:43This is a particularly confusing task.
32:44It was slowest wins.
32:45Slowest wins.
32:46No explanation, it was very odd.
32:48Very odd.
32:49What a tricky use of words.
32:51So irritating, isn't it?
32:52LAUGHTER
32:53Let's begin with two very famous faces from the stage and screen,
32:56perhaps best known for playing Martin in London's Burning,
32:59and Ravi, the Indian cobra, from Zoo Rush 2.
33:02Destination New York, it's Rhys and Sanjeev.
33:05LAUGHTER
33:07Slowest wins.
33:09So, I've got to sort of make a meal of it.
33:12Oh, look, there's loads of little chopsticks.
33:18What I'm going to do is try to not come out of this circle.
33:23I'm going to try and get the flippers with chopsticks.
33:25Yes.
33:30I'm missing something.
33:36The thing is, Alex, there is no right or wrong.
33:38Is that right?
33:43LAUGHTER
33:44Don't confuse me.
33:47Slowest wins.
33:49You look like a cowboy.
33:50Do I?
33:54Ooh!
33:55Something's happening.
33:56Ooh, we're off.
33:59I mean, I'm going to go and have lunch.
34:01Now.
34:02How long are you going to spend having lunch?
34:04You never want to rush lunch.
34:05An hour for lunch, and then I might have a nap.
34:07And then I'll go home.
34:09Meet you back here tomorrow.
34:10Meet you back here tomorrow.
34:11I'll meet you back here tomorrow.
34:19I can't deviate from the path.
34:21I don't get it.
34:22Because it's easy to do something slowly.
34:23Stop the clock, is it?
34:24OK.
34:25OK.
34:26OK.
34:27I'm going.
34:28Ah.
34:29I was heading off.
34:30Yes.
34:31But then I thought, you know, overnight and stuff, that's just a step too far.
34:33There we go.
34:34Right.
34:35The flippers are on.
34:36The flippers are on.
34:37The flippers are on.
34:38The flippers are on.
34:39I've stopped the clock.
34:40I've stopped the clock.
34:41APPLAUSE
34:42APPLAUSE
34:43When they found out it's the longest time.
34:44I'm going.
34:45I'm going.
34:46Sanjeev just went for lunch.
34:47Oh, no, no.
34:51Ah.
34:52I was heading off.
34:54Yeah.
34:55But then I thought overnight and stuff, that's just a step too far.
34:59Go.
35:00Right.
35:01The flippers are on.
35:02The flippers are on.
35:03I've stopped the clock.
35:05APPLAUSE
35:07APPLAUSE
35:11When they found out it's the longest task,
35:14Sanjeev just went for lunch for six hours and 19 minutes.
35:18We did, yeah, we did other tasks as well.
35:20I think, in many ways, your attempt was more in the spirit of the show
35:23in that you decided to give yourself extra tasks.
35:26The chopstick ladder.
35:28But it was to buy time. It seemed to be the right thing to do.
35:31Of course. Why sit there doing nothing?
35:33Why go for a nice lunch when you can make a chopstick ladder?
35:37And not deviate from the path?
35:40He's making his own rules.
35:43OK, that's the end of the third part of this Taskmaster chapter.
35:46In the final part of the show, Alex will be up on the stage
35:50wearing Princess Diana's revenge dress and a load of sausages.
35:54See you soon!
36:07Welcome back to the last part of the show.
36:10Alex, are we about to finally find out
36:12what the hell is going on in this current task?
36:15Well, Greg, I'm pleased to say we are,
36:17which is less good news for Rhys and Sanjeev.
36:22So let's get some answers with our dear friend Pam.
36:25That's Phil, Anya and Maisie. Pam. Their initials spell Pam.
36:28Am I allowed out this ring?
36:31Hmm, it's up to you.
36:32Can I open that?
36:43Every time you say the F word, F word, or F, your time is halved.
36:53Every time you say Flipper, Flippers or Flower.
36:56Oh!
36:58So...
37:02Fuck!
37:05Every time one of your feet leaves a circle, your time is halved.
37:09I'm just confused as to why there's a ring.
37:11Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
37:12It's not mentioned in it, is it?
37:14Every time you laugh, your time is halved.
37:16Well, that's all right.
37:17I'm missing something.
37:19That was disappointing.
37:25You must put the Flippers on within ten actual minutes of entering this room
37:30or you will be disqualified.
37:32Ah!
37:33I was heading off.
37:35But then I thought, you know, overnight and stuff.
37:38That's just a step too far.
37:42After reading this, you must immediately return to the circle.
37:45But I wasn't in the circle.
37:46Oh, so I don't have to get back in the circle.
37:48Well, you can't return.
37:49You can't return somewhere you've not been.
37:50And the Flippers must be where they were when you entered this room.
37:54Correct.
37:55There's a lot of rules here, Alex.
37:57Like, have a day off, do you know what I mean?
38:03You look like you know what you're doing.
38:04It's always the key thing, I think, is to look like you know what you're doing.
38:08I thought there was going to be something with the flowers.
38:12Oh!
38:15How do you know how to do a lasso knot?
38:17I don't.
38:20So I've got to wait until it's just about to go ten minutes and put the Flippers on.
38:23Oh!
38:26How long left, Alex?
38:27I can't tell you that, Maisie.
38:28You can't tell...
38:29What are you here for, then?
38:30I need to write down how many times you say Flippers.
38:35There's something else I'm missing here.
38:39What am I missing?
38:40What am I missing?
38:45What am I missing?
38:47What is it?
38:52BUZZER
38:53BUZZER
39:01Oh, you...
39:03After reading this, you must immediately return to the circle.
39:05The Flippers must be where they were when you entered this room.
39:07Yeah.
39:08Do you want to give me the Flippers? We've got to put them back.
39:11What?
39:12So I'm going to start again?
39:13Yep.
39:14Oh, come on! I did the lasso thing!
39:17Okay, I have all my supplies.
39:18How long have you been in this room?
39:20I think probably...
39:22...seven minutes.
39:25Hey!
39:26Come on!
39:29Shall I stop the clock?
39:30Yeah.
39:31Stop the clock.
39:33Stop the clock?
39:34Yeah.
39:35Yeah, I'm not laughing any more, either.
39:40I've done the clock.
39:41Ooh!
39:42So I'll be leaving with my dignity.
39:46APPLAUSE
39:47The next time you get asked to write a ten-word autobiography, that seven-minute thing's got to go in.
39:56Was that actually bad?
39:57It was uncanny.
39:58Yeah.
39:59Really?
40:00It was as the minute ticked over.
40:01Wow!
40:02That's not funny.
40:03That's just cool.
40:05So I can tell you some stats, Greg.
40:07Tell me them.
40:08Maisie, when you read the instructions, panicked and put the flippers on in a total of three minutes and 52 seconds,
40:15which we then have to halve ten times because of various problems.
40:20So you completed the task in 0.22 seconds.
40:23LAUGHTER
40:25Seriously?
40:26It's already better than Sanjee's and Ritz.
40:30Anya, the human clock, finished it in nine minutes and 25 seconds.
40:35Whoa!
40:36APPLAUSE
40:37Yep.
40:40We only had to halve it seven times, so about four and a half seconds she completed the task.
40:43OK.
40:44Let's not bother halve in the next one.
40:46Well...
40:48Are we not leading to the joker being the winner?
40:51Phil.
40:52LAUGHTER
40:54To complete the task in ten minutes.
40:57He put the flippers on in ten minutes and five seconds.
41:00Oh!
41:01If you hadn't done the lassoing, if you hadn't done the lassoing, you would have done it in under ten minutes.
41:05But I'm afraid, like the older men, he is disqualified.
41:08So only two scorers in that?
41:10Only two scorers.
41:11It's four points to Maisie.
41:12Oh, but I'll take that, yeah.
41:14LAUGHTER
41:15Five points, Daniel!
41:16CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
41:19Let's have a quick look at the scores, then.
41:21Sanjeev is in the lead with 14 points!
41:23CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
41:24CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
41:26OK, everyone, will you all please...
41:29..up...
41:30..stay put...
41:32..for the final task of the show!
41:36CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
41:38LAUGHTER
41:39CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
41:40CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
41:41CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
41:45Oh, no!
41:47Sorry, Greg, I think Phil should read the task.
41:50OK, here we go.
41:53Find the age of the mystery person.
41:56You must stay on your seats at all times.
41:58You may ask one question at a time, going from oldest to youngest,
42:03and you may only say two numbers each.
42:06The person may only say yes or no.
42:08First person to say the correct age wins.
42:11So, there's someone behind that screen.
42:13Yep.
42:14You've got to work out their age by asking them questions.
42:16The twist is you can only say two numbers
42:18throughout the whole thing.
42:19There will be only one winner of this task.
42:21One person takes away five points, the rest get zero.
42:23Do you understand how high the stakes are now?
42:26LAUGHTER
42:27Yes, I do.
42:28Wow.
42:29So, this time, we're going oldest to youngest.
42:31Hello, Sanjeev.
42:32Thanks.
42:33LAUGHTER
42:34You may ask our mystery person a question.
42:36Are you in your third decade?
42:39No.
42:40OK.
42:41Oh, come on!
42:42When you look in the mirror, do you think you look old?
42:46No.
42:47Right, we're off.
42:50LAUGHTER
42:51Are you in a decade above the one Sanjeev mentioned?
42:54No.
42:55One is definitely a number.
42:56He mentioned a number!
42:57What?
42:58One is a number.
42:59One is a number.
43:00Oh, for f...
43:01LAUGHTER
43:03So, three questions down, one number gone for Phil.
43:05Maisie, it's your turn.
43:06Were you alive for the moon landing?
43:09Oh.
43:10Yes.
43:11I was, er...
43:13One.
43:14Please don't help the contestant.
43:16LAUGHTER
43:17Does your number start with letter S?
43:23Oh, that's a good one.
43:25Anya?
43:26Yes.
43:27Ooh.
43:28This is good.
43:29This is good.
43:30APPLAUSE
43:31Are the two numbers...
43:33Oh!
43:36Well, you've only got one left, but you might as well finish this question.
43:39Are the two numbers in your age the same?
43:41No.
43:42OK.
43:43Oh, this is lovely.
43:44It's a great question.
43:45You have sacrificed a number.
43:46This is lovely.
43:47Rhys?
43:48He's used a number.
43:49Oh, my...
43:50Is it worth it?
43:51No.
43:52Whoa!
43:53God, it was bold, though.
43:54Yeah.
43:55OK, we've rolled out 68.
43:56Is the letter that follows the other letter of your age an I?
44:06And that's not a Roman numeral.
44:09LAUGHTER
44:10No.
44:11Oh.
44:12Huh?
44:13Oh.
44:14Oh.
44:15Oh!
44:16I'm not sure a mystery person's complete.
44:18Do you mind asking the question again?
44:20Does the letter that follows the other letter you mentioned,
44:24to spell out your age and the other letter from that part of your age begin with the letter I?
44:31Oh!
44:32And I don't mean the Roman numeral.
44:33I thought that deserved more than I.
44:35LAUGHTER
44:36It did deserve more.
44:38I don't understand the question.
44:40LAUGHTER
44:41APPLAUSE
44:42It's the letter that follows the other letter that you mentioned
44:49to spell out your age and I.
44:54Yes.
44:55Yes.
44:56APPLAUSE
45:01It takes us down to one specific decade for sure.
45:03Can you ride the bus for free?
45:05No.
45:06So, they can't ride the bus for free.
45:09The bit that we've narrowed it down...
45:12about...
45:14Is that number got curves?
45:17LAUGHTER
45:19Yes.
45:20Were you born after the Cuban Missile Crisis?
45:24LAUGHTER
45:25No.
45:26Does the second number...
45:29rhyme...
45:31Ooh!
45:32..with more?
45:33No.
45:34Oh.
45:35If I had done recently, you would have given it someone else?
45:38Well, it's magnanimous.
45:39LAUGHTER
45:40Just guess.
45:41Just guess, Phil.
45:42CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
45:44What a rush.
45:47LAUGHTER
45:48Are you...
45:5063 years old?
45:53Yes.
45:54CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
45:58It's Quentin from series 13 and 18.
46:00The best that is.
46:01The best that is.
46:02The best that is.
46:03The best that is.
46:04And is that your real voice, Quentin?
46:07I hope not.
46:08LAUGHTER
46:09Quentin, thank you so much for being our guest.
46:11We'll add up the scores and see how that affects the final scores.
46:14Goodbye.
46:15CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:18That was a high-octane round.
46:21LAUGHTER
46:22Is it on purpose that that number is written all over the house?
46:24Everything's on purpose.
46:26LAUGHTER
46:2763 was the age of Quentin, which means that Phil wins five points!
46:30CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:31And so, sadly for Samjeev, who has not won an episode yet, he's come second in this one.
46:40The winner with 16 points is Phil Ellis!
46:43LAUGHTER
46:44Phil Ellis wins!
46:46Please head up to pick up some clothing for the person I'm loathing.
46:51CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:52Who he is?
46:53The latest winner, Phil Ellis and Vidalix Hall!
46:57CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
46:58CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
47:00APPLAUSE
47:01CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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