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BRITCOM I
  • 2 days ago

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TV
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00:00I just can't stop thinking about it.
00:03Carol, our newest and arguably worst ghost, an adulterous mob accountant, does one good deed and up she goes.
00:11I mean, it was a doozy of a good deed, though. You know, she saved Jay. She saved me.
00:15Well, in truth, she didn't really end up saving you, but rather took your spot up there.
00:19She robbed you of the suck-off that was rightfully yours.
00:23Damn it, Carol.
00:24What's with all the water bottles?
00:26The company that delivers Sam and Jay's water got bought out by some big conglomerate, and now the service has fallen completely off a cliff.
00:32Sam has been trying to cancel for days, but she can't get a human on the phone.
00:36She's slowly going insane, and it is a joy to watch.
00:39Representative. Representative.
00:42Still no luck, Sam?
00:43No, this company is so annoying. They still haven't picked up the empties.
00:46Wait, did they drop off more bottles?
00:48Okay, got it. You're requesting more bottles. Is that right?
00:52What? No! This is why in the cult, we always got water from the stream and milk from the neighbor's dog.
00:59Get this bad boy. Class A extended cab.
01:03Oh, I bet that baby's got some sweet slide-outs.
01:07Hello there, Samantha.
01:09Hi.
01:10What do you think of the old girl? I mean the RV, not Margaret.
01:13Oh!
01:14I kid. I am still very sexually attracted to her.
01:18I heard a truck! Is that the water delivery guys?
01:22Oh. Hey, Farnsweeds.
01:23Hello, Jay. We just wanted to stop by to let you two know that we'll be leaving for a while.
01:28We're embarking on an autumnal tour.
01:30We're doing a little peeping.
01:32I bet you are.
01:33Oh, wow. Well, how long are you thinking you'll be gone?
01:36Several months. We've rented out the house to a lovely young couple.
01:39We're going to hit all the major swinger communities.
01:41Apparently, Harrisburg goes hard.
01:44It's true. It does.
01:46So, would you like to take a quick tour of the RV?
01:48Yeah, I would not go inside that bus.
01:49No, thank you. We're good. But have fun and drive safe.
01:54And do other things safe.
01:57All right, Margaret. All aboard the Pineapple Express.
02:01Bye, everyone.
02:04Father, we have big news.
02:06Judy and I are getting married.
02:08That is wonderful!
02:09We were waiting till my pervert son and his degenerate wife moved out, and now that day has finally come.
02:16Judy not want to risk orgy breaking out during wedding ceremony.
02:21Orphan completely understand! Orgy meant for after ceremony!
02:25This is wonderful news, Thor.
02:31Yeah, really happy for you, big guy.
02:33Representative!
02:35And they're doing ceremony in front of screaming windows so Thor can watch.
02:39I'm his plus one, and I know exactly what I'm wearing.
02:42This.
02:43Bjorn also bestowed great honor upon Thor.
02:46He asked Thor to speak at wedding.
02:48Thor, most touched.
02:50Oh, that's great, Thor.
02:52And if you need someone to sing.
02:54We all good.
02:55Hey, guys.
02:55Just got back from the Farnsby's.
02:57Heard the big news, Thor.
02:58Mazel tov.
02:59Please don't say Jewish things and point at me.
03:01Anyway, Sam, guess who's renting the Farnsby's house?
03:04The names Garrett and Libby mean anything to you?
03:06Get out.
03:07Seriously?
03:08They're this great couple we know from Brooklyn.
03:10Jay, Garrett, and Libby are renting the Farnsby's.
03:13This is huge.
03:14So are we just moving on from the poor thing?
03:17What is so great about Garrett and Libby?
03:18They're like the social chairs of the friend group.
03:21They plan these great couples trips every year.
03:23They look so fun.
03:24Last year, they went whitewater rafting in the Yellowstone River.
03:27And then this year, I hear they're planning a scavenger hunt in Bimini.
03:30I don't know where that is, but we need to be there.
03:32Oh, these two needed numbskulls.
03:34God love them.
03:35Why wouldn't they have reached out to us, though?
03:36They know we live up here.
03:38Very simple explanation for that.
03:40They think you're both nuts.
03:41Oh, no.
03:42Jay, they think we're nuts.
03:43Did they talk to Nico and Sasha?
03:45Oh, the couple that thought you wanted to murder them on Halloween?
03:48Bingo.
03:49Silver lining.
03:50Apparently, you two are a favorite topic at some very cool dinner parties in the city.
03:53Samantha, let not one setback define your social standing.
03:57Your failure at Halloween is just a rumor to these people.
04:00They weren't there to see how truly embarrassing your behavior really was.
04:02Yeah, just go say hey.
04:04The ghosts think we should go try to smooth things over.
04:07Yeah, I don't know.
04:08That sounds like it might get weird.
04:10It doesn't have to be weird.
04:11Just go ask for a cup of sugar.
04:13Or, if their dog is postpartum, some milk.
04:16They just went for a jog.
04:17They'll probably be back in a couple minutes.
04:18Let's get out to the mailboxes.
04:20Pete says they'll be jogging by any second.
04:22What about Evercreek?
04:22I don't think the reception will go that far.
04:24Oh, we could just call them back later.
04:26Are you joking?
04:28We're six hours in.
04:30We're not hanging up.
04:31I showered with this phone in a bag.
04:34He looked ridiculous.
04:36I mean, I imagine he looked ridiculous.
04:38Sam, allow me.
04:40We ghosts can't do much, but we can wait on hold.
04:43And certain very powerful ghosts can even press one to remain on the line.
04:48Ha!
04:48My man can leave the property.
04:50You know he can.
04:52Ooh, so powerful.
04:54That's right, baby.
04:55Oh, God.
04:56Where do we look?
04:58Okay, so the ghosts are in place for the yelling line in case anyone from Evercreek picks up the phone.
05:02Penny!
05:03Give a test yell!
05:05Samantha's posture is not that of someone attempting to make a good first impression!
05:10Loud and clear!
05:11Here they come.
05:12Here they come.
05:14Oh, my God!
05:15Garrett Libby, hi!
05:16Hey!
05:18What are you guys doing here?
05:19We're checking our mail.
05:20Good improv, Jay.
05:21A little first thought, but sometimes the first thought's the best thought.
05:24Uh, we actually just rented a house in the neighborhood.
05:26The Farnsby's?
05:27Oh, no way!
05:28We live just down the road.
05:30Welcome.
05:30We love it here.
05:31It's so nice to get out of the city, huh?
05:33Oh, yeah.
05:34The city was driving us crazy.
05:36I mean, not crazy.
05:38Crazy was a poor choice of words.
05:39Oh, because they heard that you were crazy.
05:41Oh, that's sensitive of them.
05:42Yeah, it's a great area.
05:44We just got a new brunch spot.
05:45Nina's.
05:46Oh, we tried to go there this morning.
05:47Yeah, but the line was, like, nuts.
05:49Not nuts.
05:51It was long.
05:52The line there was long.
05:54How are you liking the Farnsby's?
05:56It's great.
05:57You know, we were thinking about turning one of the bedrooms into a media room,
06:00but is it rude to move all the furniture around in a rental?
06:04I'm sure they wouldn't mind.
06:05Oh, really?
06:07That's great.
06:07Yeah.
06:08Strike while the iron is hot.
06:10Extend a social invitation.
06:12So, speaking about great restaurants in the area,
06:14which is something we recently talked about before we talked about something else.
06:18Power through.
06:19Anyway, we have a restaurant.
06:21Jay is the chef.
06:22It's called Mahesh.
06:23You guys should join us for dinner there tonight.
06:25Yeah.
06:26It'll be so fun.
06:27Sure.
06:30Why not?
06:31They got a why not!
06:33Resigned acceptance!
06:35We'll take it!
06:37Father, wedding is tomorrow!
06:40So happy to get to share this special day with you!
06:44Me too, son!
06:46We'll be moment I chance for eternity!
06:48Wait!
06:53What's happening?
06:55You don't think it's weird in front of the window?
06:57No, babe.
06:57The point of a home theater is that it's dark.
06:59This is good.
07:01Father!
07:02They attempt to block the window!
07:04Your attendance at the wedding is in jeopardy!
07:06To our victory at the mailbox!
07:16What are they celebrating?
07:17The most incremental bit of forward movement in a potential friendship with a couple renting
07:21the Florence Weehouse.
07:24Disastery struck!
07:25What's wrong, Thor?
07:26You rent as moon furniture in front of a screaming window.
07:29Four can't see sun.
07:30We'll miss wedding.
07:32This time next year, we're going to be scavenger hunting on a beach in Bimini!
07:36That is if, in fact, Bimini is by the ocean.
07:38I'm 80% sure it's an island.
07:40I'm 100 years dead, and even I know you can look that up!
07:42Jay, Garrett and Libby moved a bookcase in front of the screaming window.
07:46But how's Thor going to see the wedding?
07:48Yeah, that's the problem.
07:49Thor, this is solvable.
07:51Samantha and Jay will simply broach the subject at their upcoming dinner tonight
07:54and get the couple to remove the offending object.
07:57Yes!
07:57So simple!
07:59You look troubled.
08:00Why are you looking troubled?
08:01Samantha, I would hate for you to trample this nascent friendship
08:04with an awkward request for something that should be none of your concern.
08:08Samantha, please!
08:09Sun's wedding mean everything to Thor.
08:12Thor not there for Sun's first kill.
08:14Not there for Bjorn's first orgy.
08:17That's so sad.
08:19Thor not there for Bjorn's first wedding.
08:22So I need to be there for this one.
08:23Okay, if there's an opening, we'll bring up moving the bookcase.
08:31Damn it, we were on such a not-weird roll with this couple.
08:35I mean, the successful interaction at the mailbox.
08:39Oh, okay, I guess that's all there was.
08:42Please continue to hold.
08:43And thank you for choosing Evergreen,
08:45the Hudson Valley's only choice in water delivery.
08:47Why are they so proud of that?
08:49Dude, you're still on hold?
08:50It's been a nightmare.
08:52I mean, I did get a brief chuckle when she said I was 69th in line,
08:55but other than that, it's been a slog.
08:56So just walk away.
08:57Who cares?
08:59The thing is, I have a theory.
09:01Carol hit the motherlode.
09:03She did a mitzvah so huge it resulted in an immediate ticket upstairs.
09:07We should have jumped on that grenade.
09:08We blew it.
09:09Exactly.
09:10And opportunities to do good deeds that giant don't come around very often.
09:14But maybe there's a way to do a bunch of little good deeds.
09:19Like waiting on hold.
09:19And then eventually they add up,
09:21and boom, Team Money's hitching a ride on the suck-off express.
09:24I want in.
09:25I can help you wait on hold.
09:27No, no, no, no.
09:28This is my tiny good deed.
09:29You start helping, you're going to take half my points.
09:32No, no, no, but you letting me in and sharing it with me,
09:35that feels like its own tiny good deed.
09:38Oh, that's true.
09:39Okay, fine.
09:40But no one else.
09:41Deal.
09:42We appreciate your patience.
09:44Press any button or say anything to hang up.
09:47What are these options?
09:47It's a great game.
09:49These guys are good.
09:51This whole property is so cute.
09:53And the food is amazing.
09:54Well, if you do have any complaints, I can take them right to the chef.
10:00My man, that mailbox magic was not just imagined.
10:03Enough tiny talk.
10:04Bring a bookcase.
10:05They are getting to it.
10:06This is conversational foreplay.
10:08What is foreplay?
10:10It's true.
10:11He has no idea.
10:12Um, do you guys know about these couples trips that we organize every year?
10:16Oh my god, it's happening.
10:18Uh, I, I don't know.
10:20I think we've seen something on Instagram, maybe?
10:23Well, uh, this year we are organizing a scavenger hunt on this beautiful island called Bimini.
10:29Yes, an island, I knew it.
10:31Well, I don't know what your schedule's like this winter,
10:34but we do have one slot open if you guys think you can make it.
10:37We'll check.
10:38It's very interesting.
10:40Sounds fun.
10:41Cool as a cucumber.
10:42I have rarely been proud of you, but never more so than now.
10:46Bookcase now!
10:48So, uh, shifting gears.
10:51Oh, I hate this.
10:53What ended up happening with the media room?
10:55Is it all set up?
10:56Yeah, I mean, it's not a professional job, but it works.
10:59There was a lot of light in the room, so we just moved a bookcase in front of the window.
11:03Ooh, is that bad?
11:05Yes!
11:06Bring it home, Samantha.
11:07It's just not great in terms of, um, feng shui.
11:11Okay.
11:12Whatever.
11:14It's fine.
11:15Okay, Sam, they heard you out.
11:17Samantha, with Bimini in the balance, I do not advise you to pursue this any further.
11:21What?
11:22Keep passing!
11:23Here's the moment of truth, where she chooses between our own prospects and Thor's happiness.
11:27I'm rooting for Thor, but also Sam.
11:29Samantha, please!
11:31So tell us more about this scavenger hunt.
11:33Coward!
11:34She did what she had to do.
11:37Oh, this is so boring.
11:39Before Sam, this would have at least been something to do, but we have TV now.
11:44I love TV.
11:45TV's the best.
11:46Oh, why is a play so boring, but TV is so good?
11:49Look, we're like 50th in line.
11:52Why don't we go upstairs and watch one show and then get right back on hold?
11:55Right.
11:56We get a little break, and then we come down, we help Sam, we collect our suck-off points.
11:58Great.
11:59One show.
11:59One show.
12:00Maybe two, if it's good.
12:01Or a cliffhanger.
12:02You are now 49th in line.
12:04Plenty of time.
12:09Vimini, here we come, babe.
12:11Oh, very happy livings get to go on precious trip, while Thor miss out on most important
12:16moment of afterlife.
12:18Thor, I tried to bring up moving the bookshelf, but you saw it was awkward.
12:22I'm sorry, I didn't want to push.
12:24You have to push.
12:25You think village elders just agreed to jump off cliff?
12:28No.
12:29Sometimes people need a little push.
12:31I mean, need.
12:33He's a little strong.
12:34He could have just, you know, let them turn 35.
12:37Okay, so I just came back from Libby and Garrett's.
12:40And man, are they singing your praises.
12:42Oh, you are in, girlfriend.
12:44Maybe we should keep the momentum going with like a little housewarming gift.
12:47Cookies.
12:47Well, you better get over there quickly, because they also said they're about to head back to
12:50the city for the weekend.
12:51Yes!
12:52That's amazing timing.
12:53Sam, all you need to do is break into Farnsbury's, move bookcase for wedding, then move back
12:57so new friends never know.
12:59Oh, a candle!
13:01Uh, Jay, Pete said that Garrett and Libby are going back to the city for the weekend.
13:04No doubt with tales of our normalness for the friend group.
13:07Right, but then Thor wants us to break into their house and move their bookcase.
13:10Okay, no, that's nuts.
13:12You know I am doggedly protective of your social advancement, but they will be gone anyway.
13:18Plus, if you guys get caught, at least that'd be exciting.
13:20I mean, we got a couple ghosts sitting on hold overnight.
13:22We need this!
13:23If it helps, I happen to know that the lock on the back door is broken over there, which
13:27is probably why Mrs. Farnsbury's always telling people to come in the back door.
13:29Samantha, Thor's own father, died before Thor get married.
13:35He was not there to see Thor wedding.
13:38It was a wonderful day, but touched with sadness, his absence felt most strongly.
13:45Thor says his own father wasn't able to attend his wedding.
13:48That's rough.
13:49We drank mead and had great feast, table, fall, many, many ram's testicles, but two testicles
13:59were missing, those of my father.
14:03That was beautiful.
14:05Sort of.
14:07Jay, I...
14:08We're breaking into the Farnsbury's, aren't we?
14:10Yep.
14:10Yes, Pete was right.
14:18I'll take things Carol never said for $600, Alex.
14:21She stole my slot in heaven, the final insult.
14:24Come on, this way.
14:26Bet she's hanging out with Alex right now, laughing at me.
14:31Okay.
14:33That is heavy.
14:34Someone's muscles are pumped.
14:36George the Puritan ghost says hi.
14:38Samantha, thank you so much for making it possible for father to attend ceremony.
14:41Thor could see!
14:43Grateful!
14:43So glad you could make it!
14:46Oh yeah, there is a glare on the TV.
14:47I can see why they did that.
14:49Okay, let's get you kids married.
14:51The wedding's about to start.
14:52And I shouldn't watch TV during the wedding.
14:56No, Jay.
14:56Okay, cool.
14:57I'll just be on my phone.
14:59Idea.
15:00The Golden Bachelor, but for young people.
15:03They have that.
15:05It's called The Bachelor.
15:06What?
15:06Then why are we watching these old bags?
15:09I'll be right back.
15:12Whoa, aren't you going to watch The Final Rose?
15:14I feel like Gertrude's about to get crushed.
15:17Just got to stretch my legs.
15:22Who am I kidding?
15:23I get with all these ladies.
15:24And so, by the power vested in me, via Sam, via the internet,
15:30I now pronounce you man and wife.
15:33Yes!
15:33Take her now!
15:35And we watch as Odin commands!
15:37Okay, I was thinking maybe just a classic kiss the bride.
15:46They're married now, Jay.
15:48Great.
15:49It's an honor to be here.
15:50Now it's time we all hear from the father of the groom!
15:54Thor, buddy!
15:55Take it away!
15:59Bjorn!
15:59Junie!
16:02Congratulations!
16:03Oh, I think that's it.
16:10So beautiful, father!
16:12It really was.
16:15What was that?
16:16Oh, no!
16:19The renters are back.
16:20George says Garrett and Libby are back.
16:22What?
16:23No!
16:24What happening?
16:25Garrett and Libby are back!
16:27Pete, you don't need to whisper.
16:28Oh, right.
16:29Garrett and Libby are back!
16:31Stay on the line.
16:32We're thirsty to help you.
16:34The worst.
16:35What are you doing?
16:37I was just checking to make sure we had time for another episode.
16:39Oh, yeah, right.
16:41You're trying to steal this good deed for yourself so you can get all the suck-off points!
16:44Fine, okay, you're right.
16:46But I deserve them!
16:47I've been here way longer than you!
16:48So what?
16:49This whole thing was my idea!
16:51You're being selfish.
16:52Yes, you're being a baby.
16:53You are the next caller in line.
16:55You nincompoops!
16:56What are you doing?
16:57We're next in line!
16:58I'll alert, Samantha!
17:00The hell you will!
17:01He's trying to get in on our good deed so he gets one step closer to getting sucked off!
17:05Hold on.
17:06You're only performing this kind act to accrue credit towards an eventual ascension?
17:12That's genius.
17:12And it's mine.
17:15Samantha!
17:16Get back here!
17:17This is my good deed!
17:18I thought they went to the city!
17:20Cool.
17:20Well, we'll just tell them that when they catch us in their house.
17:23Go out the window.
17:24That's what the milkman did when my husband almost caught us in 1952.
17:27We're not going out the window.
17:28I'm just saying that Trellis held Tommy.
17:31And he was quite sturdy.
17:32Milk did that body good.
17:33Samantha!
17:34Samantha!
17:35You're next in line!
17:37Oh, my hair!
17:38You gotta get back here now!
17:40Next caller!
17:41They're saying you're next in line, Sam.
17:43You gotta go pick up the phone!
17:44Jay, Evercreek, we're next in the queue!
17:46No.
17:46Estimated wait time!
17:48Two minutes!
17:49Behind there, Isaac!
17:51What are you wearing?
17:53Yeah.
17:54Same thing, George!
17:55Okay, you go out the window, and I'll move the bookcase back.
17:59I don't want to leave you.
18:01Watch and learn, you two.
18:02That's how you do a marriage.
18:03I'll figure something out.
18:05It's Evercreek, babe.
18:06We can't let them win.
18:08Traffic was crazy.
18:10Absolutely.
18:12Why don't we just stay in and watch a movie tonight?
18:15Right?
18:15Like, we have that whole video room.
18:17I like that.
18:18So, what movie do you want to watch?
18:25I don't know.
18:26They have a ton of DVDs.
18:32It's been a minute since I've been in the closet.
18:36They have swingers.
18:36I love this movie.
18:38Oh, no.
18:38It's not what they think it is.
18:40Let's watch it.
18:41All right.
18:42Well, isn't this a rare string of wins for our young couple?
18:54You pulled off a Viking wedding, you managed not to alienate your new friends, and you
18:58are soon to be bimini-bound.
18:59And don't forget, you successfully canceled your water account, thanks to me.
19:03And me.
19:03Mostly me.
19:04Wait, why does Jay seem so upset?
19:06Well, while Jay was trapped in the closet, Garrett and Libby put on some unfortunate viewing
19:10material.
19:10You okay, babe?
19:12The sounds.
19:14I can still hear them.
19:15You're lucky you just heard them.
19:16I saw things.
19:18Bad things.
19:19I'm confused.
19:19Why didn't Garrett and Libby just turn off the septuagenarian erotica?
19:23None of us could move.
19:25So many knees popping.
19:27I thought it was the 4th of July.
19:30Gross.
19:31No, am I kidding?
19:32I'd watch that.
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