The Last Leg Season 33 Episode 3

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Transcript

00:00Thank you for letting us be ourselves

00:06So don't mind me if I repeat myself

00:09These simple lines be good for your health

00:11Keep them trying rhymes on the shelf

00:13Live my life like I just don't care

00:16I believe it's never scared

00:18Rain and noise is the moment they fear

00:20Get up, still up here for my dear

00:23Get up, throw your hands in the air

00:25Get up, get up

00:30Stick in your fake teeth, cover yourself in fake blood

00:41And take off your fake leg

00:42It's Halloween, we're live

00:43And it's time for the last leg

00:45Tonight on the show we bring you up to speed

00:50On a bloke called Andrew

00:52Pedal through some scary times for labour

00:54And we'll wheel out another mystery guest

00:58Plus we'll be joined by comedians

00:59Desiree Birch and Joel Domit

01:01On the show that's always on top of the news cycle

01:05G'day, I'm Adam Hill, hello

01:19Come on, come on now

01:29G'day, I'm Adam Hill

01:29Welcome to The Last Leg, the show that's had half of its titles removed

01:33And will now be known as The Leg

01:35With me as always are the pride of Dartmoor, Josh Whittacombe

01:38And the man who's less bump in the night

01:40And more stump in the night, Alex Broca

01:41Now we've realised that in all the time we've done The Last Leg

01:50This is the first time we've been on air on Halloween

01:54Is it Halloween?

01:55So we've decided to dress up tonight

01:58I have come as the thing that scares every disabled person

02:01A set of stairs

02:02What I'm really hoping is someone behind you needs to leave and they decide to walk down you

02:10Actually there was a misunderstanding with the costume department

02:13And I originally said I want to dress up as Steps

02:15Um...

02:17Alex...

02:18Don't you awe me?

02:21It's Halloween!

02:23Have a fucking laugh!

02:24Sorry, I shouldn't have sworn

02:25Alex, do you want to explain your question?

02:28I have come as the ghost of my amputated foot

02:32I am...

02:34Now you're owing!

02:36I'm back from 1985 and I'm bitter I missed the showbiz years

02:40There you go, it's...

02:41Wow

02:42Do you know what...

02:43By the way, can we just make sure, by the way, that we get the toes in as much as possible

02:47Because when you just get, like, above it, it kind of looks like a Halloween special

02:51Of One Born Every Minute

02:52So I just...

02:59Hello, Mama!

03:01You can...

03:03Do you know what...

03:04I can't... I have to turn round to...

03:06Sorry

03:07It's all right

03:08I have to kind of...

03:09You don't need to

03:10You don't need to

03:11No, it's all right

03:12Oh, I do

03:13And you can see why they amputated it, though

03:15Because it's so...

03:16It just doesn't work with the rest of your body at all, does it?

03:19You know what they say about people with big feet, though?

03:21Little hands

03:22And Josh?

03:24I've come as the...

03:26We came as a pair

03:27He's the foot and I am the surgeon

03:30Look at his little chainsaw

03:34And it was difficult to know what he wore because I was trying to track him down but he actually got imprisoned for practicing without a license

03:43So...

03:44You look like Bilbo Baggins has had a bad day at medical school

03:50All right, we will get to the massive story of the week in a second but since we are live, you can ask us any questions you want about the news

03:59Message us on Instagram, the hashtags, is it okay?

04:01WhatsApp, the number is 07956175... this is quite comfortable

04:05175908

04:07Or scan the QR code on your screen

04:09For example, is it okay that the Daily Mail ran with a headline this week that said

04:13Disney fans left devastated after theme park dramatically scales back on its villains

04:18And basically said Disneyland are getting rid of villains in their parks

04:22I... I didn't like that story

04:24I don't... I don't want, you know, the villains for me are the best part of when you go to Disneyland

04:29Because they're the only time I ever feel, like, represented

04:32You know, like, when they do, like, the Disney parade and all the characters walk down

04:35I don't give a shit about, like, Mickey and Minnie

04:37Yeah

04:38But as soon as Captain Hook comes down, he's there and he sees me

04:41He sees me, he sees me, he raises his arm like game recognises game, he knows

04:49But, is it a real story? Because it started with a viral TikTok video of a woman playing the Evil Queen

04:54Who was urging visitors to complain to Disney that she should be there all year round

04:58So this is the candid clip

05:00Yes, go complain

05:02OK

05:03Tell them you want me specifically

05:05Yes

05:06All year round

05:07Yes, I'll go

05:08You know

05:09Today I'm gonna go

05:10Can I trust you?

05:11Yes, today I'm gonna go

05:12Cross your heart

05:13Cross my heart, hope to die

05:14Oh

05:16I can make that happen

05:17Yes

05:18I'll bring an apple next time

05:19Yes

05:20If I'm still here

05:22She's clearly in character

05:24Like, it's a joke

05:25What are people gonna complain about next?

05:27Oh no, someone skinned a load of Dalmatian dogs to make a coat

05:31Disney denied that they're getting rid of their villains

05:34But the Daily Mail still ran the story as part of its woke gone mad agenda

05:38And you know what, we've had this button here for quite a while

05:41And tonight we can finally use it literally

05:43That story is

05:44A turd the size of Disneyland Paris

05:56And look, from one royal being expelled to another

05:58Let's get into the big news now

05:59Maria said

06:00Is it okay that the king's brother is now an Andrew formerly known as Prince?

06:04Lovely work, Maria

06:07Yes, last night at 7pm on the dot

06:10Buckingham Palace released a statement saying

06:12His Majesty has today initiated a formal process to remove the style, titles and honours of Prince Andrew

06:19Social media went ballistic, newspapers reprinted front pages

06:22And our writers' chat group exploded

06:25Here's the dramatic moment Fiona Bruce stopped the recording of Question Time

06:29To relay the news to the studio audience

06:33I'm stopping the recording

06:35Because we have a breaking story which we should respond to

06:38That's why I stopped you Matt, so forgive me

06:40So, Prince Andrew

06:45The king has initiated a process

06:48So we're going to discuss this

06:51Prince Andrew will no longer be Prince Andrew

06:54Andrew

06:58I think they start the clapping too early there

07:00Because what if she'd gone

07:02He'll be King Andrew

07:06I think Fiona Bruce, she just

07:09She didn't build up the tension

07:12Enough, I'd have liked to have seen

07:13You know, Dermot O'Leary would have smashed that

07:14It needed to have a bit of X Factor

07:17About, you know, it's like

07:18The Royals losing their title

07:20In no particular order

07:21Oh

07:23The person going through to Sandjungham

07:26Is

07:28They could have done it like the traitors

07:29To see who comes down for breakfast

07:34Prince Edward's coming in

07:35They're going, it was Andrew

07:36Andrew's not here

07:38It's a tough day at the office

07:39When people are applauding you getting sacked

07:42I think she should have made more of a big deal about it too

07:44I mean, like when we announced

07:45The sacking of Ian Duncan Smith on our show

07:47Ian Duncan Smith has resigned

07:51Ian Duncan Smith has resigned

07:54Ian Duncan Smith has resigned

07:57Ian Duncan Smith has resigned

08:00Ian Duncan Smith has resigned

08:05I didn't think that proved

08:07I think it's the real legacy of this show

08:09That you made somebody partially sighted when you sprayed him

08:13We should say that the week before Adam had put ten grand on Ian Duncan Smith was resigned

08:18Meanwhile in Australia this morning I think it was

08:22An accidentally open microphone provided a slightly comical moment

08:26He's taken the initiative and sooner rather than later

08:30What do you reckon that conversation was like between the king and Andrew?

08:36Thanks gorgeous

08:43I do that during every clip, don't I?

08:45You do

08:47I just lean across and go, thanks sugar tits

08:51Thanks for laughing at that last joke

08:54What's interesting is that normally it would require an act of parliament

08:57For, you know, Andrew to lose his princeness

09:00Sorry, I thought we were still talking about the clip

09:02No, normally it's an act of parliament

09:04But the king just went out and decided he was going to do it on his own

09:07Was this a big move by the king?

09:09It's some proper king shit

09:11Because I just thought, like last week when we were talking

09:14They were saying that Andrew had kind of

09:16He'd voluntarily given up the titles of Duke of York

09:19And they were talking about what he was asking for

09:21In order to, in exchange to leave and stuff like that

09:25I was thinking, you're the king

09:27Like you can do what, you don't have to call shotgun

09:30You don't have to ask everyone else what they want to watch on telly

09:33You're the king

09:35And he pulled some proper, that's like telling him

09:37This is it, I can move in any direction I want

09:39You're out

09:40And I'll tell you one thing

09:42I'll bet you, that show of power, I'll bet you Camilla was all over him last night

09:44I'll bet he's like, I'll tell you what, I'll wear the crown for you

09:50Oh my god

09:55Andrew isn't

09:57Andrew is now the first prince to lose his title since Ernest Augustus was de-princed in 1919

10:04Oh that was a great episode, you popped the champagne on that episode

10:08Do you know why he was de-princed in 1919?

10:10No

10:11For backing the Germans in World War One

10:14Even Channel 4 released a statement today saying

10:18Channel 4 has today initiated the formal process to remove the style, title and honours of Prince Andrew the Musical

10:25The programme will now be known simply as Andrew the Musical and is available to stream on Channel 4

10:30I mean, they could have just called it Wicked

10:32Oh, okay, you know I didn't do it

10:39Not of Andrew fans in

10:41It begs the question, how does someone de-prints?

10:45What I wondered about it was

10:47You don't have to keep turning to me like that

10:49Sorry, I just feel it's more endearing if I look at you when I'm talking to you

10:52I like the idea

10:55It's like you're showing him your soul

10:58Oh, that's lovely stuff

11:00That's great boy

11:02Rule for that

11:04Rule for that

11:05I like the idea that it came into like, the idea that it came into effect immediately

11:10Mm-hmm

11:11So there was like a butler bringing Andrew some tea just as a news bloke and then just chuck the tray in the air

11:16Fuck your tea!

11:18It's difficult, isn't it? Because

11:21Stop doing that!

11:23Sorry

11:24De-prints, it's a strange terminology, isn't it?

11:28Yeah

11:30It feels like an accident

11:32It feels like a rumour that someone had lost something

11:34You know, he went down a slide and there was a razor blade and it de-prints him

11:38He does sound like

11:40I think it's going to really hit home for Andrew now when he does some online shopping

11:45And has to select Mister from the drop-down

11:49And then mistakenly gets it sent to his old address

11:55Do you know one of the people I feel for?

11:56Whoever is the next Duke of York

11:58Oh, yeah

11:59Because how's he going to introduce himself?

12:01Hello, I'm the Duke of York

12:03Not that one

12:05And they're going to have to rebrand

12:06Call him like, I don't know, Duke of York too

12:07The Empire really does strike back

12:10Uh, Andrew, I mean, names?

12:13Andrew will now be known as Andrew Mountbatten Windsor

12:17Which is still the poshest name anyone's ever heard

12:20Apart from Gregory Charles Quested Burke

12:22A little audience chat before the show

12:32After losing Duke of York and Prince

12:36This is the third time this year Andrew's had to change his name

12:39Which is another thing he's got in common with P Diddy

12:41And look, I don't think it's enough to strip his titles

12:47I reckon they should force him to use new titles

12:50You know?

12:51Now he should have to call himself the Dishonourable Andrew of Sandringham

12:55Or World's Dodgiest Uncle

12:57Or Archduke Hans Ferdinand

12:59That was actually my nickname at school

13:04But I think they should have taken all the names

13:08I think they should have taken Andrew off him

13:11And just given him the most unroyal name you could think of

13:15And just go, do you know what, now you've got to be called Keith

13:18Vader

13:19You've chosen your own step-dad's name

13:23LAUGHTER

13:26The one name you don't want Prince Andrew to choose is your own step-dad's name

13:31You've got to think longer about these things, Brooker

13:35Sorry

13:36It's alright

13:38Andrew has to vacate Royal Lodge, the 30-room ranch he's been living in

13:42And will now live in a large house on the King's private estate

13:44And will be funded by the King's private money

13:46Which, yes?

13:48Well, I think it's a bit of a diss on the people of Sandringham

13:52Isn't it? The people who live in Sandringham, the village already

13:55Like, King Charles has basically gone

13:57Do you know what, Andrew? You've disgraced the royal family so much as punishment

14:02Now you have to live where these people live

14:05You have to live in Norfolk, Andrew

14:08Andrew now becomes the most unpopular royal of all time

14:11Slightly ahead of this guy

14:13LAUGHTER

14:14Did you know, have you seen that poll?

14:17That is that 91% of people don't like Prince Andrew, don't approve of Prince Andrew

14:22Yeah

14:23Who in the name of fuck are the 9%?

14:25LAUGHTER

14:27He's so unpopular, the thing for him now is he's never going to get that pub named after him

14:31Not even Henry VIII did

14:32And he beheaded people

14:34What's interesting about the royal statement was that the final paragraph said

14:38Their Majesties wish to make clear that their thoughts and utmost sympathies have been and will remain with the victims and survivors of any and all forms of abuse

14:46That was a really pointed statement

14:49Meanwhile the family of Virginia Giffray, the woman who claimed she was forced to have sex with Andrew, said

14:53Today an ordinary girl from an ordinary American family brought down a British Prince with her truth and extraordinary courage

15:00Despite all this, Andrew is still eighth in line to the throne

15:05Eighth! Here's a helpful list

15:07I like the fact he's down there just with one name like Seal

15:11LAUGHTER

15:12It's awful to think that if Andrew lives another 110 years, he will be king

15:19So why do you think they've done all this now?

15:22Well, obviously the allegations came out initially

15:25Yep

15:26That he was friends with Epstein in 2011

15:28Yep

15:29And the royals acted fast

15:31Yep

15:32And 14 years later they dealt with it

15:34Well I don't think it's no coincidence that it's Halloween today

15:37And it's probably one door you didn't want trick-or-treaters knocking

15:41LAUGHTER

15:43And look, you can see why the king had to step in

15:46Especially when this seedy photo surfaced during the week

15:49Of guests at a party once held at Royal Lodge for Princess Beatrice's 18th birthday

15:55Those guests are Harvey Weinstein, Jeffrey Epstein and Ghislaine Maxwell

16:00That's like the Mount Rushmore of people you don't want babysitting your kids

16:03Now last week it was reported that Andrew spends most of his time playing video games

16:08So Josh and Alex are going to play one now

16:11Do you guys want to head over there?

16:12Last week on the show we asked you to come up with a name for that video game

16:15Dan said Call of Duty manager at Pizza Express in Woking

16:19Ollie said Escape from Epstein Island

16:22But our favourite came from Rob who suggested Crash Bandicoot

16:26Sorry, Crash Randicoot

16:28My apologies to the makers of Crash Bandicoot

16:30Crash Bandicoot

16:33So we asked a computer whiz called Luke Franks to turn it into an actual game

16:37And the lads are going to have a go now

16:39Now, I need to talk you through how this is going to work

16:40There are three levels

16:42Josh, you're going to be Andrew

16:44Alex, you're going to be Fergie

16:46Big time

16:47OK, let's get the game up

16:49OK, here we go

16:51Level one, you're being kicked out of Royal Lodge

16:53You've got to grab as much stuff as you can while being chased by the king

16:56This is great fun

16:58Oh, look at this!

16:59Oh, no, hang on a minute

17:00I don't think he's going to sell as much merch as Sonic

17:03I'll give you that

17:04But, oh, look at this

17:06I'm doing much better than...

17:07I can't reach the controller, Josh

17:09Yeah, Alex has got a problem

17:11Don't fall, the king's down the road, don't fall

17:12The king's coming for me!

17:14Oh, well done, OK

17:15Next level

17:16We've got a catch present

17:17You've got to catch

17:18Gifts from donors

17:19And avoid incriminating photos as well as the king

17:22OK, catch some gifts, catch the gifts

17:23Oh, my gosh

17:24This is the first time I've ever caught anything

17:28Avoid the king, avoid the king

17:29Oh, God

17:30Hang on

17:31Oh, this is mine, mine, mine

17:33Yes

17:35This is the most fun I've ever had on television

17:38OK, and now the third level

17:39You've got to throw the loot in the van when it's open

17:42Bonus for collecting corgis

17:44They've got to bring Games Master back, ain't they?

17:47Here we go

17:48Removal vine arriving

17:49Here we go

17:50This is actually a proper computer game

17:51I'm loving it

17:53Open, go, go, go

17:54I'm going to catch a corgi

17:55I'm going to catch it

17:56No, I'm not

17:57I'm going to catch it

17:58No, I'm not

17:59I'm going to catch it

18:00Yeah, I've caught a corgi

18:01Oh, shit, where's the van gone?

18:03I've caught a corgi

18:04No, I'm going to catch a corgi

18:05I don't know what I'm doing anymore

18:06I've caught another corgi

18:07Where's the van gone?

18:08Who won?

18:09It's a tie

18:14I love that

18:15I absolutely love that

18:17Wow

18:19That game will be available to play on the X-Prince box

18:23Alright, let's welcome tonight's guest

18:25She's the voice of Too Hot To Handle

18:27He's got a body that's too hot to be a comedian

18:29Please welcome Desiree Birch and Joel Dormand

18:36Hello

18:48Welcome to you both

18:49Desiree, first, what have you come dressed as for Halloween?

18:51Well look, the scariest thing I could think of

18:53is just surviving any day in the year 2025

18:56It's all been just extremely dark

18:59So the only thing I can think of that is scarier than today

19:02is the potential of tomorrow

19:05Or even really the next day

19:07You guys see where this is going

19:09We've got some time to fill

19:11So if you could do this

19:12I think I've got a good week down here

19:15Great advent calendar

19:17Joel

19:18I have come as the most feared thing in the UK

19:22The budget

19:24Yes

19:26Oh

19:28I'm coming for your pension

19:30What the hell

19:32Council tax is going to change

19:35That is the most political thing I've ever heard you say

19:39I know

19:40I'm going to be honest Josh

19:41I'm out of my depth

19:42But do you know what?

19:43It's interesting that you leave The Masked Singer

19:45And the budget for the costumes drops through the fucking floor

19:49I'm expecting to see that on The Masked Singer next series

19:52Yeah, exactly

19:53Do you know what I'm expecting to see on The Masked Singer?

19:55Who's sweat gland going to be?

19:58It's sceptre

20:00What have you both made of the whole Prince Andrew thing this week?

20:10Oh my god

20:11First of all, how chilling was that picture of Epstein, Weinstein and Maxwell

20:16Right?

20:17Like it's like the worst setup for shag, marry, kill anybody

20:20It's a straight up kill, kill

20:22Probably killed by Donald Trump in prison realistically

20:25Right?

20:26It's like the wrong on his agenda

20:28Yes

20:29Absolutely awful

20:30Yes

20:31But I agree with you guys that like he's gotten off too easy

20:33If I were his older brother I would have made him change his name to Nancy No Titles

20:37And then like exclusively get my coffee from Starbucks every day so I had to shout it out at him

20:43You know?

20:45Now we're going to have more last week for you after the break

20:48We're going to check in on some scary times for Keir Starmer

20:50But Goran said

20:51Is it okay it's Halloween and I'm still staying in and watching The Last Leg

20:54Well Goran, that's fine

20:56And since it is Halloween we've invited the Mariachis along to play us some Day of the Dead tunes

21:02So take it away Mariachis!

21:05We did a mask

21:15We did a mask

21:19We did the monster mask

21:22The monster mask

21:23We did a match

21:28We did the monster mask

21:32Welcome back to Last Leg.

21:38We're joined by Desiree Birch and Joel Domit.

21:40Jill messaged us on WhatsApp to say,

21:42yes, that foot does look really, as she said, vulval.

21:47And said, so, in reality, Alex is just pussyfooting.

21:52Really, really nice stuff.

21:54Yeah. All right, let's talk politics now.

21:55And to do that, I'm going to pull out a button that, I'll be honest,

21:58we didn't think we were going to need after Rishi Sunak left office.

22:02But it's not been a great week for the Prime Minister.

22:07Yes. Scary times for Keir Starmer.

22:10And we're going to demonstrate why.

22:11To do that, would you please welcome back

22:13our viewer-voted Keir Starmer look-alike, DJ Starmer.

22:24Oh, he's still got it. He's still got it.

22:27Can I just say that I can't believe as it's Halloween

22:29we haven't called you Fear Starmer.

22:31Oh. Good.

22:33Yeah.

22:33Yeah, that's just a pretty foot, am I?

22:37We haven't seen you for a while.

22:38What have you been up to?

22:39I just got married, so that's the biggest news I've got.

22:41Hey!

22:46She's not changing her name to Starmer, though, so...

22:48She's not changing her name to Starmer.

22:50Good choice.

22:50And how is life in the Keir Starmer look-alike business?

22:54Well, I'm being recognised a lot just in the street,

22:56done a few parties, but, I mean, it's more glares, less smiles these days.

23:01Yeah, it's a tough time to look like the most unpopular man

23:04apart from the world.

23:05Yeah, great time.

23:05And did you have to turn down a DJ-ing gig for tonight?

23:09Not for tonight, no, so, all good, all good.

23:12All right, now, a lot of scary things are knocking on Keir Starmer's door right now.

23:16So, let's check out the first one.

23:18Yes, it's the slasher-in-chief with her blood-red box.

23:28It's the Chancellor, Rachel Reeves.

23:33It's my little brother.

23:36Hold me, hold me.

23:39You hold that, Keir.

23:42Hold me.

23:44Hold me, hold me, hold me, yeah.

23:46OK, so, this week, Rachel Reeves was supposed to apologise.

23:58Are you happy to stay there?

23:59I'm quite happy to stay here, actually.

24:00OK.

24:01Don't do anything to avoid talking about politics.

24:06I just can't get up.

24:10This week, Rachel Reeves was supposed to apologise

24:12for renting her house out without the proper permit.

24:14It's ironic that the Chancellor didn't dot the I's

24:17and cross the T's, considering how many times this year

24:19she's had to type the word shit.

24:22Today, her letting agent claimed it was their mistake.

24:24And look, I'm not saying Labour are boring,

24:26but even their scandals are dull.

24:28It's obviously unfortunate.

24:30You know who she's letting it out to?

24:31Who?

24:32She's got a new tenant.

24:33I'm not going to say his name.

24:34What I will say is he's looking for a place

24:39in him and his ex-wife, strangely.

24:43Meanwhile, Rachel Reeves is preparing the budget

24:45for the end of November, and there's a chance

24:47she may raise income tax, which goes against Labour's

24:49manifesto pledge.

24:50So if the upcoming budget was a horror movie,

24:52it would be called The Taxes Chainsaw Massacre.

24:56Thank you very much.

24:57I just...

24:58Sorry, you carry on.

24:58No, no, no, I just kind of feel like

25:00this is so...

25:02This is so what we do.

25:03Like, how is this a scandal?

25:05If this were America, she would have already

25:07taken a bulldozer to number 11

25:08to be turning it into a home spa.

25:11Like, literally, this is nothing.

25:13I know, it's...

25:14Yeah.

25:15Can I say what I think from over here?

25:17Yes, please.

25:18I just want to know what she's like as a landlord.

25:21You know what I mean?

25:22Like, is she...

25:23How weird would it be if you called up

25:26and you're like, my boiler's not working,

25:27and then she turns up?

25:29You know what I mean?

25:30And then she's looking after sort of

25:31property taxes and stuff.

25:32Yeah, I've got a lot on, actually.

25:34I'm at the G8.

25:36I couldn't give a shit you've got a mouse.

25:39The thing that confused me is that she's managed

25:41to find the first estate agent ever

25:43that's admitted it's their fault.

25:44Yes.

25:46Yes.

25:47Because it always is.

25:51All right, let's see who else is knocking

25:53on Keir Starmer's door.

25:57BUZZER

25:58BUZZER

25:59BUZZER

26:00BUZZER

26:00Oh.

26:01Oh.

26:02Oh, what?

26:03Yes, it's leader of the reform party, Nigel Farage,

26:06but because it's Halloween, it's a sexy Nigel Farage.

26:09I mean, let's be honest,

26:12Joel's regretting sitting there.

26:15I'm worried that that's going to go straight

26:17in a racist wank bank.

26:18This is like my Christmas card.

26:23This is the only time in my career I don't want to say,

26:30take it off.

26:31Farage is promising to take us on a time walk back to the 1970s

26:40with a lurch to the right, then another lurch to the right.

26:42This week, a poll was released that showed more people

26:44preferred Nigel Farage as prime minister than Keir Starmer.

26:47I mean, don't these polls always depend on how the question

26:50is set up?

26:51Yes.

26:52Right? You know, like, if they had said, like,

26:54which do you like more, or which do you like more,

26:58Keir Starmer or David Cameron, and then they ask pigs,

27:02it would have been a totally different set up, right?

27:05All about the demographics.

27:06It is.

27:07His popularity has plummeted so low,

27:10he's now actually even more unpopular than someone

27:13who takes a low offer on the chase.

27:18A few days ago, Nigel Farage failed in a bid to get us

27:20to lead the European Commission on Human Rights.

27:22First Brexit, then migrants, now the EHCR.

27:25Nigel Farage's answer to everything just seems to be,

27:27get out.

27:31According to a recent poll,

27:32Keir Starmer is now the most unpopular prime minister on record,

27:35with 13% of voters satisfied with the job he's doing.

27:38That, to be fair, let's remember,

27:40is only 4% more than Prince Andrew.

27:45This is the thing that Farage did,

27:47I'm a celebrity, get me out of here.

27:49That's when people sort of started, that's when it started,

27:51you know what I mean?

27:52People liking him, we're going to think...

27:54I just think Keir Starmer needs to get...

27:56I'm going to bang my box.

27:57Keir Starmer needs to get on reality TV.

28:00Yes.

28:01He needs to come on Mars Singer.

28:02This is my plan.

28:03Come on Mars Singer, man.

28:04Come on Mars Singer,

28:05he's such a good reveal.

28:07Liz Truss, she could come on as well.

28:09She could be dressed as a piggy bank and sing

28:11No Money No Cry or something.

28:12I don't know.

28:13It would be so fun.

28:16Do you think the song is No Money No Cry?

28:18I don't know anything.

28:22I'm dressed as a fox,

28:24sat on the floor, next to a penis.

28:26I don't know what's going on.

28:28It's all right Matt,

28:29I'm dressed as a foot sat next to one.

28:31So it's all right.

28:32LAUGHTER

28:33Is that fun?

28:35Is that it?

28:37Yeah, I do that too.

28:38Did you like that one?

28:39I wish I'd gone out for Halloween.

28:41LAUGHTER

28:42I was going to say,

28:43are you guys always sat next to a penis?

28:45Isn't that how biology works?

28:47My legs hurt so much.

28:49Don't moan about that on this show mate.

28:51Oh sorry.

28:52I'm sorry.

28:53I'm sorry.

28:54I'm so sorry.

28:56Oh.

28:57LAUGHTER

28:58Oh, I wish I could just...

29:01Oh no.

29:03Rawr.

29:05That poll left, by the way,

29:07Keir Starmer on the lowest satisfaction rate

29:08for any Prime Minister recorded by Ipsos polls,

29:10including Liz Truss.

29:12That's right.

29:13He's less popular than 11.

29:15Meanwhile, Keir Starmer said this week

29:17he wants to be Prime Minister for the next 10 years.

29:19If Keir Starmer is Prime Minister in 2035...

29:24Yeah.

29:25..I will not...

29:26I will not just eat my hat,

29:28I will have an entirely hat-based diet.

29:31LAUGHTER

29:33There is no way that is going to happen.

29:37Is it?

29:38I feel like we all have like a delusional wish list.

29:41I could say in 10 years,

29:42I want to be nine years married to Pedro Pascal.

29:45That doesn't mean it's going to happen.

29:46No, because it's my wish as well.

29:48LAUGHTER

29:49I'll fight you.

29:50Only one of us is going to get it.

29:52LAUGHTER

29:53What a thruple.

29:54LAUGHTER

29:55There are reports that some MPs

29:56have been getting random messages from Keir Starmer

29:58asking them to grab a beer,

30:00while others have been invited to try out

30:01the new Downing Street toaster at breakfast.

30:03I love that.

30:04Mm-hm.

30:05He's inviting around

30:06because he's got a new toaster.

30:08Yep.

30:09That is when you know you've lost the nation.

30:11Yeah.

30:12Mm-hm.

30:13I love that, just my opinion from over here,

30:16I love that Donald Trump's put a new wing on the White House

30:19and he's got a new toaster.

30:21Like, that's the difference between our country.

30:23You see, he missed PMQs this week

30:25because he'd burnt his tongue on a Pop-Tart.

30:27LAUGHTER

30:28Also, like, how is he going to hope to win over any reform voters

30:32if he's busy turning white things brown?

30:34Like, that's not...

30:35LAUGHTER

30:36LAUGHTER

30:37Ah!

30:38Right?

30:41Lovely.

30:44So, while the Prime Minister

30:45tries to win people over with toast and a beer,

30:47there are rumours that the Mayor of Manchester,

30:49Andy Burnham, might make his own bid for the leadership,

30:51which means Keir Starmer's nightmare

30:53could end up looking like this.

30:55Oh, Christ, my life!

30:59Here's Andy!

31:06That was genuinely terrifying!

31:08Yes, yes!

31:10We'll have more lastly for you after the break

31:12as reform try to throw disabled people under a three-wheel bus,

31:15plus we unveil another mystery guest,

31:16but right now let's go to the break with another spooky tune

31:18from our Day of the Dead mariachis!

31:21APPLAUSE

31:38Everybody!

31:40APPLAUSE

31:42Welcome back to Last Leg.

31:43We're joined by Desiree Birch and Joel Donner.

31:59Now, we mentioned Nigel Farage early in the show,

32:01but this week the Reform Party made some headline-grabbing statements.

32:15The man who's left more parties than Kate Moss, Lee Anderson,

32:18ranted about the motability scheme

32:20and made this outrageous suggestion.

32:23It's an absolute scandal, the motability scheme.

32:27I mean, I remember back in the day,

32:29if you were on disability

32:31and you wanted the car from the state,

32:33it was a blue three-wheeler.

32:34Anybody remember those?

32:35What's wrong with that?

32:36Let's go back to that.

32:37You'll quote me on that, won't you, Kelgy?

32:40Yeah, we will quote you on that, Lee.

32:43I don't know if you know,

32:44those cars were banned in 2003

32:46because they were prone to catching on fire.

32:48I know we've got, like, fewer bits,

32:51but we don't need fewer wheels.

32:53Yeah.

32:54I reckon that Lee Anderson just wanted to get rid of one of those tyres

32:57because he heard it was a Pirelli

32:59and Brexit means Brexit.

33:03You've seen one of those cars in real life, though.

33:05They were built, actually, in 1948.

33:07Yeah.

33:08Round about the same time as the Paralympics, weirdly.

33:10Yeah, they were.

33:11They were called Invercars.

33:13Oh, my God.

33:14I don't want to know what the other names were

33:15that they tried out before they got to that,

33:17but...

33:18A legs-don't-work wagon.

33:22Yeah, but, yeah, I've got a little photo.

33:24This is me with one of...

33:26It kind of looks there like a disabled person

33:29that's just driven into me while I've...

33:34It looks like you can't work out how to get in.

33:38Like, the shit is Top Gear.

33:44You know what I mean?

33:45It ain't got power steering, can't drive it.

33:48Look, it might wobble a bit and look kind of strange,

33:50but it gets the job done.

33:52And it's sitting on the bonnet of a car.

33:58Great humour.

33:59My kind of humour.

34:00Meanwhile, MP for Runcorn, Sarah Pochin, said on Talk TV this week, and I quote,

34:07It drives me mad when I see adverts full of black people, full of Asian people.

34:12Nigel Farage said her comments were ugly but not racist, which is also his Tinder profile.

34:16Anyone want to take this one?

34:20Oh, my God, it drives me mad too.

34:22Every time I see black people in commercials, I just am like,

34:25I auditioned for that one, I auditioned for that one.

34:28LAUGHTER

34:29I still know the likes with that one.

34:31LAUGHTER

34:32Makes me livid!

34:33LAUGHTER

34:34LAUGHTER

34:36It's alright, I auditioned for them too and didn't get anything.

34:39LAUGHTER

34:40So weird.

34:41So weird.

34:42Well, that one where you play a lunchbox, you really were.

34:45LAUGHTER

34:46I thought you were a shoo-in for that one.

34:48I thought Alex was the shoo-in.

34:50LAUGHTER

34:52As Alan Partridge returned to our screens this week, or sorry,

34:55this month in a new series about mental health,

34:57there was a moment of what's called accidental Partridge this week.

35:00Oh, so good.

35:01The King opened the UK's first LGBT armed forces memorial.

35:05This is the Chair of Trustees of Fighting for Pride, Ed Hall, in action.

35:10In the Second World War, First World War,

35:12people rarely cared about your sexuality

35:14because why would you?

35:16You know, nobody ever said,

35:18don't save my life, you're a lesbian.

35:21LAUGHTER

35:22LAUGHTER

35:23Oh, my God, that's amazing.

35:27I mean, it's kind of clunkily put,

35:29but it's a very lovely sensation.

35:31LAUGHTER

35:32Doesn't that sound like the sickest album

35:34that's definitely going to win the Mercury Prize?

35:36LAUGHTER

35:37It's a great song.

35:39All right, it's time now to bring on this week's mystery guest.

35:42Joel and Desiree have to try and work out

35:43how this person is linked to the news.

35:45Can we have this week's mystery guest, please?

35:47Oh, mystery guest, I wanna get close to you.

35:53Oh, mystery guest, put your body close to mine.

35:58Oh, mystery guest, put your body close to mine.

36:10Oh.

36:11Josh, Alex, who is the mystery guest?

36:12So, the mystery guest is the dog, just to be clear.

36:15Oh, OK.

36:16OK.

36:17This is Winston, and Winston was in the news this week, but why?

36:20Can we have the dramatic lighting change, please?

36:28LAUGHTER

36:30So, this is Winston, but why was he in the news this week?

36:33Was it because A, he is part of a sausage dog choir

36:36that had been cautioned by police due to noise pollution?

36:39LAUGHTER

36:40B, he is part of a fancy-dressed sausage dog Halloween parade

36:43that was banned from Hyde Park for being too busy?

36:46Or C, he is part of a record-breaking

36:49sixth sausage dog pyramid display team

36:51that had been banned from this year's Crofts for stealing focus?

36:56LAUGHTER

36:58I mean, it...

36:59He's looking dead at me.

37:00You could ask...

37:01You could ask Winston any questions you want.

37:03You could ask, yeah.

37:04LAUGHTER

37:05Um, what do you think?

37:06I mean, I feel like it would take more than six sausage dogs

37:09to break a record for anything, so maybe not the...

37:12Well, how many...

37:14Sorry, how many do you think is the... would make a...

37:16I mean, like, if you get enough sausage dogs for the base,

37:19you could go up indefinitely, I would say.

37:22LAUGHTER

37:23I'll be honest, I didn't listen to any of the options.

37:26LAUGHTER

37:28There's a lot going on.

37:29There really is.

37:30There's a lot going on.

37:31It's a busy show.

37:32So, wait a second.

37:33It's a pyramid, it's a Halloween costume,

37:36or it's a choir.

37:37Doesn't help.

37:38Um, can we...

37:40Can we hear a bark or any kind of noise?

37:43Yes.

37:44Mmm.

37:46Mmm.

37:47I keep worrying he's going to come and start chewing on my foot.

37:51LAUGHTER

37:52I'm worried he's going to do more than chew your foot.

37:54LAUGHTER

37:55We'll reveal the mystery guest after the break,

37:57and we'll end the show with either...

37:58A sausage dog parade, a sausage dog choir performance,

38:01or a record-breaking sick sausage dog pyramid display.

38:04We'll see you in a little bit.

38:06APPLAUSE

38:07WHISTLE BLOWS

38:08MUSIC

38:09MUSIC

38:10MUSIC

38:21MUSIC

38:22MUSIC

38:23MUSIC

38:36Welcome back to Last Legs, we're joined by Desiree Birch and Joel Tomat, now before the break we challenged our guests to try to work out how this sausage dog was connected to the news, can we have the options again please?

38:55So yeah, so this was Winston, is he a part of a sausage dog choir, big caution by police, part of a fancy dress sausage dog Halloween parade that was banned from Hyde Park for being too busy, or part of a record breaking six sausage dog pyramid display team that's been banned from Crufts for stealing focus.

39:15What's your answer, what's your answer, what do you think?

39:18It's not the singing one, because if you know any singers, they sing all the time, so it's not that one, and I don't think it's the pyramid because it would be bigger, I think it's the spooky, the costume one.

39:28Yeah, okay. What do you think?

39:29I think it might be the pyramid, you know? You think it's the pyramid?

39:32I think it's the pyramid, I can just imagine him standing on five friends.

39:35So you're going pyramid, you're going...

39:38I'm going Halloween, like the costume.

39:41The march? Yeah.

39:42Can we have the correct answer please?

39:44Halloween.

39:45It's the Halloween March.

39:47Yeah!

39:48It's the Halloween March.

39:50Did you want more tension? I don't know, I couldn't tell.

39:53I couldn't tell.

39:55It came out pretty quick.

39:58How long has the Halloween March been going on?

40:01Eight years.

40:02Eight years, and why was it banned this year?

40:04It got too big.

40:06How many people? How many dogs?

40:08At some point we were over a thousand people.

40:11Thousand?

40:12Thousand, yeah.

40:14Thousand sausage dogs.

40:17Wow.

40:18Yeah.

40:19And so did you just have to cancel it?

40:20Had people come from other countries?

40:22Yeah.

40:23A thousand sausage dogs?

40:24Sausage dog army.

40:25Did they all go in a line?

40:27Did they all go in a line or were they all like...

40:29They were mixed.

40:31Just all around?

40:32Yeah, all around.

40:33What sort of like costumes do you get?

40:36I mean, they're classics.

40:38The Chucky one is a classic.

40:40Oh, Chucky?

40:41Mariachi.

40:42Pumpkins.

40:43That's so cool.

40:44Nan.

40:45Oh, I want to go now.

40:47Yeah.

40:48Hopefully.

40:49For Christmas.

40:50Why is it a problem with too many sausage dogs and people?

40:54I thought it was...

40:55I don't know.

40:56To me it doesn't seem like a...

40:57It's not getting leery, is it?

40:59It's not like...

41:00It's not like too many football fans.

41:02Is there rival sausage dogs?

41:04I don't know.

41:05Does it boot off?

41:06Well, I'll tell you what.

41:07What scared Hyde Park does not scare us,

41:08because we're going to see you at the end of the show,

41:09because we are going to have a Halloween sausage dog parade

41:12in the studio.

41:13Yay!

41:14Would you please thank Anna and Winston?

41:18Thank you, Anna.

41:19Thank you, Winston.

41:20Josh has been separating the treats from the treats

41:21from the last seven days.

41:22What have you got, Josh?

41:23Okay.

41:24Would you like to see a very brave grown-up deal with a Halloween scare

41:27in this spooky scene?

41:28Yes, please.

41:29Step on it now.

41:34Step on it now.

41:49Okay.

41:50Now, when I think of Halloween, what I think of is parkour fails.

41:54Yes.

41:55So...

41:58Would you like to see the greatest parkour fail of 2025

42:02in this hilarious clip?

42:04Yes.

42:05Absolutely.

42:06So, here he goes.

42:09Sizing it up.

42:11Sizing it up.

42:12Here he will.

42:13Here we go.

42:15He will.

42:16Oh!

42:17He's done it!

42:18Oh, no!

42:19Oh, no!

42:20No!

42:21The full slow 180 and you go,

42:26so lucky to have a camera on that.

42:29So lucky.

42:30Yeah.

42:31Guess who on it?

42:32Would you like to see the second angle on the same incident?

42:37It's like Sky Sports, this isn't it?

42:40In this equally hilarious clip.

42:45No, I'm not making it.

42:46Honestly, I'm not making it.

42:47I'm not making it.

42:48I'm not making it.

42:49You think it's going to be that guy?

42:50You think it's going to make it?

42:51No, I'm not.

42:52I'm not making it.

42:53No, I'm not.

42:54Watch over his shoulder!

42:55Oh, there he goes!

42:56Oh, no!

42:59But he's all right.

43:00He gets out.

43:01He's...

43:04Correct.

43:05Correct.

43:06Yes.

43:07It's good stuff.

43:08All right, we are about to end the show with the Halloween Sausage Dog Parade, but before

43:23we do, would you please thank our guests, Desiree Birch, and Joel Domit, and my co-host Josh

43:33Whittaker, and Alex Brocker.

43:38We'll be back next week with comedian Judy Love, TikToker GK Barry, and leader of the

43:42Green Party, Zach Polanski.

43:44Right now, though, it's time for the event that was too hot for Hyde Park to handle.

43:48It's the Last Leg Halloweeny Parade!

43:51All right, the first sausage dog is Winston.

44:08Winston is a mini dachshund.

44:10He's eight years old, and he's dressed as Count Winston von Barcula.

44:15He's a passionate meat connoisseur, isn't really into toys, and can usually be found sunbathing

44:20supervising the kitchen or perfecting his I-deserve-a-treat face.

44:25OK, our second dog is Huxley.

44:30Here's Huxley.

44:31Huxley, recently turned 13, absolutely loves cheese.

44:35You might recognise Huxley.

44:37She was in season four of The Crown as Paul Burrell.

44:41No, I'm joking.

44:42As Princess Margaret's dog.

44:44And here comes our final dog.

44:47Last but not least.

44:49Anyway, this is Otter.

44:51And her Halloween name is just popping out of her owner there.

44:54This is Otter the Rotter.

44:56She loves being carried around, and who doesn't?

44:58She was broken to the park ranger's garden, and the police had to be called.

45:04And she's a massive diva, such a diva, she gets someone else to sniff up a dog's arse for her.

45:10Joel and Desiree, can you please pick the winning dogs?

45:13Oh my God, this is our choice.

45:14They're amazing.

45:15I love this tongue sticking out, it's so cute, but I mean, come on, the aliens popping out?

45:20That's gotta win, right?

45:21That's gotta win.

45:22We have our winner.

45:23You guys take the trophy.

45:24That was beautiful.

45:25You guys take the trophy.

45:26You guys take the trophy.

45:27That was beautiful.

45:29Here goes back again.

45:31With the floppy tongue.

45:32That's so great.

45:33Thanks for watching The Last Leg.

45:35My name's Adam Hill.

45:36See you next week for The Next Leg.

45:38Take it away, Mariachi!

45:40The final praise in the neighbourhood.

45:44Who are you going to call?

45:46Ghostbusters!

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