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TTv, Yes Minister — S02E06 - The Quality of Life
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00:30He's still with the press officer, Sir Humphrey.
00:47Would you like a coffee?
00:49Fair lady, if the minister's still with the press officer,
00:52we've probably got time for a six-course lunch.
00:57Oh, morning, Sir Humphrey.
00:59Morning, Humphrey.
00:59Oh, he's got somebody with him, but I'm sure he'll only be a moment.
01:04Did you sign him out about the...
01:06Yes, but I'm afraid it doesn't look very hopeful, not at the moment.
01:09Why not?
01:10All my bank wants is to be allowed to put just another six little stories on the new office block.
01:15Surely that's no problem.
01:16Well, didn't you read the Financial Times this morning?
01:17Never do.
01:19Well, you're a banker. Surely you read the Financial Times.
01:21Can't understand it.
01:22Full of economic theory.
01:27Why'd you buy it?
01:28Oh, you know, it's part of the uniform.
01:30Oh.
01:32Took me 30 years to understand Keynes economics.
01:34Then when I just cottoned on, everyone started getting hooked on these new monetarist ideas.
01:39You know, I want to be free by Milton Shulman.
01:43Milton Friedman.
01:44Why are they all called Milton?
01:47Anyway, I've only got as far as Milton Keynes.
01:49Maynard Keynes.
01:53I'm sure there's a Milton Keynes.
01:56Yes, there is, but...
01:58What have you done?
02:03So you didn't read about the Minister's speech to the Architectural Association last night
02:07attacking Skyscraper office blocks.
02:10Got him some good publicity.
02:11Oh, it isn't a Skyscraper.
02:12How many stories is it?
02:1338.
02:14Well, 44 with the extra six we're asking for.
02:17Oh, yes, well, he was talking about the maximum tolerable height as being eight, you see.
02:23But damn it, Humphrey, surely you can talk him out of it.
02:26I mean, you know, sort of work him upwards.
02:28Eight, 12, 18.
02:31I mean, that's your job, isn't it, talking him out of things?
02:33Yes, but don't forget there was a promise to prevent any more high-rise buildings
02:37in the environment section of the manifesto.
02:40Oh, does that Skubber it, then?
02:42Well, not necessarily.
02:43You see, there's an implicit pact offered to every minister by his senior officials.
02:52If the minister will help us to implement the opposite policy to the one that he's pledged
02:56to, which once he's in office, he will see as obviously incorrect, we will help him to
03:00pretend that he is in fact doing what he said he was going to do in his manifesto.
03:03That's a very reasonable offer.
03:06Yes, it sounds reasonable, but unfortunately, Desmond, among the many extraordinary qualities
03:12that politicians possess, reasonableness is not necessarily the first that springs to mind.
03:19Not when one contemplates the average minister.
03:23And our minister is very average.
03:25But we need those extra floors.
03:29And after all, if you're going to join the board when you retire, I mean, it'll be a
03:33bit tricky if there's no office to put you in, isn't it?
03:36Entertaining your visitors in a porter cabin in the car park.
03:40But I'm not saying you won't get permission.
03:41I'm saying you won't get it today.
03:43You'll have to be patient.
03:44Surely once the minister's made his decision, that's it, isn't it?
03:47Why not?
03:48Gave you that idea?
03:51Surely a decision's a decision.
03:52Only if it's the decision you want.
03:54If not, it's just a temporary setback.
03:59Ministers are like small children.
04:01They act on impulse.
04:03They want something desperately.
04:04Next day, they've forgotten they ever asked for it.
04:06Yes, but he is a minister of the crown.
04:09Yes, you know why he's called a minister of the crown, don't you?
04:11What?
04:11Because he's always talking off the top of his head.
04:15Or through the back of it.
04:17You mean you tell him you won't accept his decision?
04:19No, no, no, no, no.
04:21I start off by accepting it.
04:22I support it enthusiastically.
04:25Then I tell him to leave it to me.
04:29Ah, Humphrey, the architect fellow.
04:32Yes, morning Crawford.
04:33Do sit down.
04:34Minister won't give you a minute.
04:35So, what's going to happen then?
04:38Well, let me have a minute or two with him first,
04:40but don't expect too much this morning.
04:42Think of it like a child's tantrum over a rice pudding.
04:47Won't touch it today and yet ask for two helpings tomorrow.
04:50Ah, rice pudding.
04:53Good.
04:54Actually, I always used to like rice pudding.
04:58Minister, it's really excellent.
04:59Hacker speaks out against tar blocks.
05:01Yes, that's not bad.
05:02Minister's courageous stand on high buildings.
05:05You sound like a steeplejack.
05:07That's just the heavies.
05:08What about the popular press?
05:09How am I going to get into the mass circulation dailies?
05:12What about a photograph?
05:14Well, the paper's usually like a photo of a pretty girl.
05:17May I have escaped your notice, Bill,
05:18but I don't quite qualify on that score.
05:20No, I mean, you could judge a bathing beauty contest,
05:24a photo of you kissing the winner.
05:26A bit cheap, don't you think?
05:27Besides which, if my picture is in the papers,
05:29I want people to look at me, not as some pretty girl.
05:31Otherwise, something with cuddly animals or small children,
05:34like this afternoon's visit to the city farm.
05:37Ah, yes. Is everything laid on for that?
05:38Yes, Minister.
05:39Mail, Mirror, Express.
05:40And the sun, and today, and nationwide.
05:43Nationwide?
05:44I'm going to be on telly.
05:45With any luck.
05:46Well done, Bill. That's more like it.
05:48Well, you are a Minister of the Crown, sir.
05:49Yes, I am indeed.
05:50And also, there are some baby donkeys laid on to be photographed with you.
05:55Donkeys?
05:55Yes.
05:58The sun specifically asked if you could be photographed amongst the donkeys.
06:04Sure about the donkeys? What do you think, Bernard?
06:06Oh, well, even if the sun has no ulterior motive,
06:08it would be a gift for private eye.
06:13You with a crowd of other donkeys.
06:16I mean, that's what they would say, Minister.
06:19Or a meeting of the inner cabinet.
06:23What are you here for, Bernard?
06:26Sir Humphrey's here.
06:27Oh, very well.
06:28Well, I believe the farm has some little pigs as well.
06:31I don't think being a crowd of little pigs is a very great improvement.
06:34You, Bill.
06:35Snouts in the trough jokes. Pull yourself together now.
06:37But, Minister, if you...
06:38I will consent to be photographed with a woolly lamb, and that's all.
06:41Oh, Humphrey.
06:43Good morning.
06:44Minister Sir Desmond Glazebrook is outside.
06:46Glazebrook?
06:47Hmm.
06:48That old fool who keeps making anti-government speeches.
06:50Yes, indeed.
06:51And you appointed him chairman of the Co-Partnership Commission.
06:54Oh, yes, I did.
06:55What does he want?
06:56Well, he wants to talk to you about his forthcoming application
06:59to put some more stories on his bank's proposed new office blog.
07:03Now, that's just the thing we've got to put a stop to, Humphrey.
07:06Somebody has got to speak out about the environment.
07:09Take a courageous stand on high buildings.
07:11Well, that would make a very good press photograph.
07:12Yes.
07:14Yes, thank you, Bernard.
07:16Well, it's up to you, Minister, but, of course, he does have quite a good case.
07:19I mean, you've read the background papers.
07:22Yes, of course.
07:24Remind me.
07:26Well, the bank points out that there are already several tower blocks in the area,
07:31and, of course, it is the international division of the bank,
07:33and expanding rapidly, and banks need a central location.
07:36Of course, it would bring in a lot of rate revenue for the City Council.
07:39Oh, dear, isn't that typical? Money, money, money.
07:41What about beauty, Humphrey?
07:43Oh, yes, indeed, quite, Minister. Beauty.
07:45Make a note of that, would you, Bernard?
07:47What about our children?
07:49And our children's children?
07:51Exactly, Minister. Children's children, Bernard.
07:53After all, Humphrey, who are you serving?
07:55God or mammon?
07:56I'm serving you, Minister.
07:59In that case, Humphrey, you can show Sir Desmond in.
08:02Very well.
08:03I'm going to give him high-rise buildings.
08:08Ah, Sir Desmond.
08:10Nice to see you.
08:11What can I do for you?
08:12Well, it's these extra stories. Six of them.
08:15We'll be making the formal application later, of course,
08:17but any guidance that you can give us at this stage...
08:19I think I ought to warn you that I have the gravest misgivings
08:22about these great tower blocks, you know.
08:23This is how we make our profits.
08:25Six extra stories, and we'll really clean up.
08:27Without them, we'll only make a measly 28% on the whole project.
08:31I see. It's just profits, is it, Sir Desmond?
08:33Not just profits. It's profits.
08:35Don't you think of anything but money?
08:37No. Why?
08:37What about beauty?
08:40Beauty? This is a building, not an oil painting.
08:43And the environment.
08:44Oh, yes. I promise you we'll make sure it's part of the environment.
08:48It's bound to be once it's there.
08:50No, I'm sorry, Sir Desmond.
08:54There is just one thing, Minister.
08:56As you will remember from the papers,
08:58similar permission has already been given to the Charter's Bank in New York.
09:01So, to refuse it to a British bank...
09:03Exactly.
09:04So, it's all right, then?
09:07Well, no.
09:08No, it isn't.
09:09Why not, damn it?
09:10Well, it's not necessarily...
09:13It doesn't...
09:13The Minister's very concerned that a further tall building
09:16would clutter the skyline.
09:17That's right. It would clutter the skyline.
09:20He's also deeply worried
09:21that more office workers in the area
09:24would put excessive strain on the public transport system.
09:26Yes, I'm deeply worried about public transport.
09:28Furthermore, he points out that
09:30it would overshadow the playground
09:32of the St James's Primary School, which is here.
09:35Quite right.
09:36And overlook a large number of private gardens,
09:38which would be an intrusion of privacy.
09:39Privacy.
09:41Pollution.
09:42Yes, ma'am.
09:43And furthermore, the Minister points out,
09:45most astutely, if I may say so, Minister,
09:47that the bank does own a vacant site
09:50not very far away,
09:51which would accommodate your expansion needs.
09:54Where?
09:55Oh, there.
09:56That's the river, isn't it?
09:57No.
09:59I think the minister was referring to this site.
10:02Is that ours?
10:04Yes, it is, actually, Sir Desmond.
10:05What are we doing with it?
10:06It's scheduled for Phase 3.
10:08That's scheduled for Phase 3.
10:10Anyway, it's 400 yards away.
10:13Difficult for the board to walk 400 yards to lunch.
10:16And impossible to walk back afterwards.
10:20Well, there it is, Sir Desmond.
10:21Of course, you can put in your formal application
10:23by all means,
10:24but I'm sure that that will be my decision.
10:27Minister, suppose we were to design
10:29a different rice pudding.
10:33What?
10:34What?
10:34Rice pudding?
10:35Yes, it's banker's jargon
10:38for high-rise buildings, Minister.
10:41Is it?
10:44Bernard, would you be kind enough
10:45to show Sir Desmond the way out?
10:47Bye, Sir Desmond.
10:49Oh!
10:50Oh, yes.
10:51Right, right.
10:53Thank you very much, Humphrey.
10:55That was very helpful, your reminders.
10:57It was a pleasure, Minister.
10:58Real teamwork, then, huh?
10:59Especially as I believe Glazebrook
11:01is an old chum of yours.
11:02Yes, very old friends, Minister,
11:04but even a lifelong friendship
11:05is as naught
11:06compared to a civil servant's duty
11:08to support his minister.
11:09Humphrey, do you mean that?
11:11But of course, Minister.
11:14Oh, very nice.
11:16It's after half past, Minister.
11:18Oh, I've got a dash.
11:20Oh, urgent appointment.
11:21Yes, very urgent.
11:23Cabinet committee?
11:24Yes.
11:24Well, no.
11:25Well, that sort of thing.
11:27Well, I wonder if you'd be kind enough
11:28to sign this, Minister.
11:29It's extremely urgent.
11:30Oh, do it, Humphrey.
11:31I have to.
11:31I'm late already.
11:32Yes, well, it's an administration.
11:34What is it for?
11:35Well, just to formalise government powers
11:37for the temporary utilisation
11:38of unused local authority land
11:40until development commences,
11:41when, of course, it reverts to the authority.
11:43Well, do I have to sign it now?
11:44Well, it's extremely urgent.
11:45Why hasn't it been before the House?
11:47Well, of course,
11:48if it were a statutory instrument,
11:49it would indeed have to be laid
11:51on the table of the House,
11:52but it is an administrative order
11:53made under Section 7,
11:55subsection 3
11:56of the Environmental Administration Act,
11:58which is an enabling section,
11:59empowering the Minister
12:00to make such regulations
12:03regarding unused local authority land
12:05as may appear necessary
12:06from time to time
12:08within the general framework
12:09of the Act,
12:09as I'm sure you recollect
12:10only too clearly.
12:11Why doesn't it have to go
12:14before the House?
12:16Well, as I say,
12:16if it were a statutory instrument,
12:18it would, in fact,
12:19have to be laid
12:19on the table of the House,
12:20but as it is an administrative order,
12:22it ain't one of the Section 7,
12:23subsection 3...
12:24Yes, all right.
12:24All right, Humphrey.
12:25I have signed it.
12:25Yes, thank you, Minister.
12:26Come along, go.
12:28Why was that so urgent, sir?
12:32It wasn't.
12:34But you said it was.
12:35Ah, it wasn't actually urgent,
12:37but it was important.
12:38Any document which removes
12:39the power of decision
12:40from ministers
12:41and gives it to us
12:42is important.
12:43Why?
12:44Oh, Bernard,
12:45don't be obtuse, please.
12:49It helps us to take government
12:51out of politics.
12:53It's Britain's only chance
12:54of survival.
12:55But even so,
12:56couldn't it have waited
12:57until he wasn't in such a hurry?
12:58Oh, Bernard,
12:59when we want ministers
13:00to sign something
13:01without asking too many questions,
13:03we have to wait
13:03until they're in a hurry.
13:05That's when their concentration
13:06is at its weakest.
13:08They're nice and vulnerable.
13:09That's why we keep them on the go.
13:12Bernard,
13:13tell me,
13:13where was the minister
13:14rushing off to
13:15so secretively?
13:16Oh, a visit to a
13:17schoolchildren's city farm
13:18in Tower Hamlets.
13:19Oh, my God,
13:20the things that man
13:21will do for publicity.
13:23Well, I wonder
13:24if he's going
13:25just as a visitor
13:26or as an exhibit.
13:28Very true,
13:29Sir Humphrey.
13:30What?
13:32Hmm?
13:45Mrs. Phillips?
13:46Yes.
13:46I'm Bill Pritchard,
13:47the minister's press officer.
13:49Minister,
13:50this is Mrs. Phillips.
13:51She's the warden of the park.
13:52Oh, well done.
13:53How do you do?
13:54How do you do?
13:54BBC TV, Mr. Ike.
13:55Oh, hello.
13:56We didn't quite get the shot
13:57for your arrival.
13:57Could we have it again, please?
13:59Could you arrive again, please?
14:01Oh, sir.
14:02How can he arrive again?
14:03He's already here.
14:04Yes, just for the cameras.
14:05You mind.
14:07Mind what?
14:08Can we clear away, please?
14:10We'll be first off to the road,
14:11sir,
14:11to see you arriving.
14:15Sir, how do you first?
14:15I don't understand.
14:22Yes, well, it'll...
14:24Turn over.
14:26Action!
14:27Wave, everybody!
14:38Welcome, minister.
14:39Yes, it's a great pleasure.
14:40I'm so glad you could come.
14:42We tried all sorts
14:43of other celebrities
14:43and nobody else could make it.
14:46Cut.
14:47What?
14:48Cut, cut, cut, cut.
14:49Cut.
14:51We'll cut that last bit up, right?
14:53Well, yes, but...
14:55Not but.
14:56Cut.
14:58May I introduce you
14:59to his worship, the mayor?
15:01No.
15:02Pleasure.
15:03Licence fee's coming up again,
15:04you know.
15:08Would you like to come in here, minister?
15:22Ah, tell me all about this, exactly.
15:26This is a piglet.
15:29No, no, no.
15:29I meant, tell me all about this city farm.
15:31Ah, well, there are over 50 city farms,
15:35yes, built in urban wasteland,
15:38to give children who seldom see the countryside
15:40a chance to understand
15:42livestock and food production.
15:43What a wonderful idea.
15:45And tell me,
15:45this is your first anniversary
15:46here at Tower Hamlets?
15:47Yes, indeed.
15:48Well, congratulations.
15:49Minister, could we have a shot
15:50of you congratulating
15:51Mrs. Phillips for the television?
15:53Oh, certainly, yes.
15:54Ah, by all means.
15:56Everyone's a ham.
15:57Sorry.
15:57Ronnie, Ronnie.
16:02Ready?
16:02Ronnie.
16:04So, this is your first anniversary here?
16:06Yes.
16:07Good, well, congratulations.
16:09Well done.
16:10Jolly good show.
16:12Very good.
16:13Good enough now.
16:14Come.
16:15If we may hurry you, minister,
16:17perhaps you'd like to make your speech first
16:19and then meet some of the staff.
16:20Yes, I'd like to do the interview
16:21with some of those, too.
16:23Staff?
16:23No, no, no, no.
16:24The children and the animals.
16:26Is this working?
16:27Oh, good.
16:29I've got my speech.
16:30No, I gave it to you, minister.
16:31No, no, no.
16:31You've got it.
16:32All right.
16:38It gives me great pleasure
16:39to welcome Mr. James Hacker,
16:41the Minister for Administrative Affairs,
16:44who has found time
16:45in his very busy schedule
16:46to be with us today
16:48to celebrate our first anniversary.
16:54It's a very great pleasure
16:56to be here with you all today.
16:58You know,
16:59things are changing fast.
17:01We live in a world of change.
17:04The silicon chip is changing our lives.
17:07The quality of life
17:08is becoming more and more important.
17:09The environment,
17:10conservation,
17:12problems of pollution,
17:13the future of our children
17:14and our children's children.
17:16These are today's issues.
17:18There is, quite rightly,
17:20an increasing concern
17:21about high-rise buildings.
17:24I'm happy to be able
17:25to reassure all of you
17:27who are members
17:28of the Architectural Association.
17:29I'm so sorry.
17:34I'm so sorry.
17:35It was yesterday's speech.
17:36Well, that's not what I had, Mr.
17:37No, no, you've got to come on.
17:38Look in your inside pocket, Mr.
17:39You didn't?
17:39No, instant, please.
17:41Oh, I'm fine.
17:43I'm so sorry.
17:45I made a speech yesterday.
17:48Anyway, this is my part.
17:50It's a great pleasure
17:51to be here with you all
17:53at the city farm today.
17:55You know,
17:56things are changing fast.
17:59We live in a world of change.
18:01The silicon chip
18:02changing our lives.
18:05The quality of life
18:07is going on
18:07more important in the environment,
18:09conservation,
18:09conservation,
18:09pollution,
18:11the future of our children
18:12and children.
18:12These are today's issues.
18:13The city farm movement
18:14is a welcome
18:16and important addition
18:18to the way of life
18:19for children in inner cities.
18:20And we in the government
18:21feel that they have
18:22a vital part to play
18:23in our children's educational
18:25and social life.
18:26And we shall do all we can
18:27to help this movement
18:29to flourish.
18:32Happy birthday.
18:36Sue Lawley's just arrived.
18:37Can we do the interview now,
18:38please?
18:39Yes.
18:39Set it up with the most attractive
18:40children and animals,
18:41would you?
18:41Of course.
18:43Thank you for saying that,
18:44Mr.
18:44It was a pleasure.
18:45Can we really rely
18:46on your support?
18:47Well, of course you can.
18:48You see,
18:49our lease is running out
18:50at the end of the year
18:51and we have to get it extended.
18:52That isn't quite
18:53within my sphere of influence,
18:54but I'll certainly
18:54do all I can
18:55to help this movement
18:57to flourish.
18:58Minister,
18:58would you come
18:59and do the interview now?
19:00Yes.
19:00This is Sue Lawley
19:01of Nationwide.
19:02Sue Lawley.
19:03What a very great pleasure.
19:05I do believe
19:05I'm one of your greatest fans.
19:07Probably the greatest.
19:10Sorry to butt in,
19:12Minister,
19:12but could we have
19:14a moment or two
19:14for the children and staff
19:15to get autographs?
19:16Oh, autographs.
19:17Certainly.
19:17It's all right.
19:26Come on.
19:26Come on,
19:26that's enough.
19:27Come on,
19:27that's,
19:27yes,
19:28come on.
19:31Now,
19:32what was it
19:33you wanted to say
19:33in this interview?
19:34Well,
19:34I thought if we could begin,
19:35I would ask a couple
19:36of questions of the warden
19:37and then come to you
19:38for your comments.
19:38Yes,
19:39certainly.
19:39Where would you like us to be?
19:40I think,
19:41I think on the edge here,
19:42really,
19:42with perhaps some animals
19:44and some children.
19:44Oh,
19:44yes.
19:45All right.
19:45Splendid.
19:46Super.
19:46Well,
19:47if we could...
19:47Madam Minister,
19:48please.
19:49Sweet little girl
19:50here on your knee,
19:51Mr Hacker.
19:52Just for having me.
19:59All right.
20:00Come on.
20:01Let's get on with it,
20:02shall we?
20:02Turn over.
20:03Come on.
20:03Running.
20:04We're running, Sue.
20:05Warden,
20:05I understand that the lease
20:07of this wonderful city farm
20:08is due to run out
20:09at the end of the year.
20:10Yes,
20:11we have been very worried
20:12about this,
20:13but I've just had a word
20:14with the Minister,
20:15Mr Hacker,
20:16here,
20:17and he has indicated
20:18that he will make sure
20:19that this farm
20:20can carry on.
20:22Minister,
20:23how are you going
20:24to ensure
20:24that the city farm
20:25keeps on running?
20:27Well,
20:28you see,
20:30Sue,
20:31the fact is,
20:32and let me make this
20:34perfectly clear,
20:36the quality of life
20:37is becoming
20:38more and more important,
20:39the environment,
20:40conservation,
20:41problems of pollution,
20:44the future of our children.
20:48And our children's children,
20:49these are today's issues.
20:51Minister,
20:51thank you very much indeed.
20:53Cut.
20:54Bernard.
20:55I can't fail.
21:00Incidentally,
21:01I saw your chap
21:03on the television
21:03last night
21:04cuddling a rabbit.
21:05The St Francis
21:06of Tower Hamlets.
21:07What was it supposed
21:09to be in aid of?
21:10After the rodent vote,
21:12I imagine.
21:14Quite a good idea,
21:14all the same,
21:15those city farms.
21:17Frank,
21:17are you still worried
21:18about parking space
21:19at Tower Hamlets?
21:20Desperately.
21:21It's the major blockage
21:22to the recruitment
21:22of inland revenue inspectors.
21:24Because there's
21:24one half acre
21:25local authority site
21:26quite close by,
21:28with the lease running out
21:29and no utilisation plans.
21:30Ah, yes,
21:31but we haven't got
21:32the authority.
21:33You have now.
21:36You mean an order
21:36under section seven
21:37subsection three?
21:38Signed yesterday.
21:40Hummer.
21:42How did you manage it?
21:45What's the site
21:46being used for
21:47at the moment?
21:47Oh, nothing
21:48of any significance.
21:49A city farm
21:50for school children.
21:52Like the one
21:53St Francis was visiting.
21:56Not the one.
21:58Mind you,
21:59I've always said
21:59those things
22:00were a bad idea,
22:01unhygienic,
22:02a danger to public health.
22:05It might be a good idea
22:06if you moved quickly
22:08before the lease
22:09were renewed.
22:10Surely.
22:12Won't it put your minister
22:13in a bit of a spot, then?
22:15Oh, I'm sure
22:15I'll find him a way out.
22:18I'm sure he will.
22:19Coffee.
22:21Er, no, thanks.
22:22I must be getting back
22:23to Assisi.
22:26Thank you for lunch, Frank.
22:28Not at all.
22:29Enjoy your trip.
22:30Oh, bless you.
22:39Desmond?
22:40Hmm?
22:42Morning.
22:43Oh, it's you, Humphrey.
22:53I think I know
22:54how we can get
22:55the minister
22:56to eat up
22:56his rice pudding.
22:57Evening paper, minister.
23:05Ah.
23:08Centre page.
23:09Oh, I say.
23:11Double page spread.
23:13What a man.
23:13Yes.
23:14There.
23:15The St. Francis
23:16of Tower Hamlets.
23:17Yes, sir.
23:18Oh, there's a picture
23:19of me with some ducks.
23:21Another with a small girl.
23:23Oh, black, um,
23:24ethnic, uh, multi,
23:25you know,
23:26what a good publicity, eh?
23:29Yes, minister.
23:30I say,
23:30are there any more
23:31to these city farms
23:32we could visit?
23:32You know,
23:33Manchester,
23:34Birmingham, Glasgow.
23:35You know,
23:36the marginal.
23:36I mean,
23:37the, um,
23:37the special development.
23:39Ah, Bernard,
23:40how about this?
23:40Double page spread, eh?
23:41Yes, yes, minister, yes.
23:42On top of the mail
23:43in the middle this morning,
23:44nationwide last night.
23:45Yes.
23:46Not very quiet, Bernard.
23:47What's the matter?
23:47Uh, Mrs. Phillips, minister.
23:49Who's Mrs. Phillips?
23:50Uh, the warden
23:50of the city farm
23:51you visited yesterday.
23:52Ah, she pleased
23:53with the publicity
23:53I got, uh, for her?
23:54Well, she doesn't seem
23:56too pleased.
23:57Why not?
23:57She's just heard
23:58the farm is being closed.
24:00Oh, he's the host?
24:00Well, the lease is up
24:01at the end of the year
24:01and she just said
24:02it's being turned
24:02into a car park
24:03for inland revenue inspectors.
24:06Oh, God.
24:08What will they say
24:09about this?
24:10Children and animals
24:11evicted by tax men.
24:13Minister goes back
24:14on TV pledge.
24:15Oh, my heaven.
24:16This must be stopped.
24:17But don't just stand there.
24:18Do something, Bill.
24:19What idiot authorised that?
24:21Oh, you did, minister.
24:23What?
24:23The administrative order
24:24you signed yesterday
24:25giving government departments
24:26power to take over
24:27local authority land.
24:28Uh, section seven,
24:29subsection three.
24:30Get me Humphrey.
24:30Yes, he's on his way, minister.
24:32And I'm afraid
24:32Mrs. Phillips is waiting
24:33in the private office.
24:34Mrs. Phillips is the last person
24:35I want to see you.
24:35This is the greatest disaster
24:37of this century, Bernard.
24:38There were two world wars.
24:39Oh, Bernard.
24:40Oh, fighting on the beaches
24:42is one thing.
24:42Evicting cuddly animals
24:43and children to make room
24:44for tax inspectors' cars
24:45is quite another league.
24:47Ah, Humphrey.
24:48Oh, minister,
24:49I saw you on television
24:50last night.
24:50What a treat.
24:51Never mind about television.
24:53What's this about
24:53the city farm being closed?
24:54Ah, yes.
24:55Well, the Treasury
24:56acting out...
24:56Well, it's got to be stopped.
24:57Well, unfortunately,
24:58it is a Treasury decision
25:00and beyond our jurisdiction.
25:01I shall revoke the order.
25:02Well, unfortunately,
25:03that is impossible
25:04or very difficult
25:05or highly inadvisable
25:06or would require legislation,
25:08one of those.
25:09In any case,
25:09it could not invalidate
25:10an action taken
25:11while the order was in force.
25:13I don't care if it's
25:13for the Queen
25:14and the Pope.
25:15Well,
25:15Judas!
25:19Hey, look here.
25:21You promised to support us.
25:22Well, I'm sorry.
25:23Then you must see
25:24that our lease is renewed.
25:26Well, dear lady,
25:27I'm afraid
25:27it's not within the minister's...
25:29Mr. Hacker,
25:34you have given your word.
25:36Are you going to keep it?
25:37Well, of course.
25:38I shall leave no stone
25:39and every avenue
25:40and everything done
25:42that is humanly possible.
25:44You mean no?
25:44No.
25:45I mean no.
25:46Yes, I mean no.
25:47No, yes, I mean...
25:48Well, definitely not.
25:49No, yes.
25:50I mean no.
25:53Very well.
25:54Don't say I haven't warned you.
25:56My husband is
25:57deputy features editor
25:58of The Express.
26:01Tomorrow morning
26:01your name will be Manure.
26:07You will be roasted alive
26:09by the whole of the national press.
26:14Well,
26:15it falls to few people
26:17to be within the space
26:18of 24 hours
26:19both St. Francis
26:21and St. Joan.
26:24Alfred.
26:25Something must be done
26:26to stop this farm closing.
26:28Otherwise,
26:29we shall look at
26:29complete...
26:30Yes.
26:31Oh, apparently
26:32Sir Desmond Glazebrook's outside.
26:33Glazebrook?
26:34What does he want?
26:34I can't imagine.
26:36Better send him in.
26:37Yes, send him in.
26:38After all,
26:38this is open day
26:39at the Department of Administrative Affairs.
26:41Ah, Minister,
26:42I just happen to be passing.
26:43I've had an idea.
26:45Oh, really?
26:45If you were to give us
26:46permission for an extra
26:48nine stories...
26:49No, I knew I'd be asking for six.
26:50Ah, yes,
26:50but if you were to give us
26:51nine extra stories,
26:53we could postpone
26:54Phase 3 for seven years.
26:56That would leave
26:56this site vacant.
26:57Well?
26:58Well, I was reading this morning
26:59in the Financial Times
27:01about your visit
27:02to the city farm.
27:03I thought it was
27:04a jolly good wheeze.
27:05And you see,
27:06our Phase 3 site
27:07is only 200 yards from it,
27:09so you could use it
27:09to extend the farm.
27:11Or, if they had to move
27:12for any reason,
27:13it's actually a bit larger.
27:15We thought of calling it
27:16the James Hacker
27:17Cuddly Animal Sanctuary.
27:21Well,
27:22Animal Sanctuary,
27:23anyway,
27:24and nine stories
27:25really isn't very much,
27:27is it?
27:28The James Hacker
27:29Animal Sanctuary.
27:33Hmm.
27:34You know, Humphrey,
27:36I think government
27:37has got to be awfully careful
27:39about throttling
27:39small businesses.
27:40The bank isn't actually
27:42a small business.
27:43It would be
27:44if we throttled it, Bernard.
27:47And after all,
27:49I suppose,
27:50what is another tower block?
27:52Where there are so many?
27:53Yes, indeed, Minister.
27:55Yes.
27:55Do you know,
27:56I think I should be forced
27:57to reconsider my decision.
27:59I think we shall be able
28:00to give Sir Desmond
28:01his extra six stories.
28:02Nine.
28:03Give Sir Desmond
28:03his extra nine stories.
28:05And let's make an announcement
28:06to the press
28:06straight away, shall we?
28:07The James Hacker
28:08Animal Sanctuary.
28:09But I thought you were
28:10worried about London Transport.
28:11London Transport.
28:12We'll be very glad
28:13of the extra fares.
28:14And, er,
28:15as for the school?
28:17Well,
28:17they might welcome
28:18a bit of shade.
28:19In the hot weather,
28:20certainly.
28:22And, er,
28:22privacy?
28:23Well,
28:23there are two sides
28:24to privacy,
28:25aren't there?
28:25After all,
28:25I mean,
28:26people might enjoy
28:26looking up and seeing
28:27what goes on
28:28in those offices.
28:29Some extraordinary
28:30things go on
28:31in offices.
28:32Don't they,
28:32Humphrey?
28:32Yes,
28:33Minister.
28:33down.
28:34LAUGHTER
28:34APPLAUSE
Recommended
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