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Tv, Yes Minister - S01E07 Jobs for the Boys
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00:00Music
00:30you
00:46Bernard what time is the minister recording this broadcast? 2 p.m. Sir Humphrey are
00:51you sure you can't stop him referring to the Solihull project? there's not a hope
00:54sir. oh god. he's going to describe it as a shining example of a successful
00:58collaboration between government and private industry. how could he think that?
01:02because you told him it was Sir Humphrey. but can a 74 million pound building
01:07project on a nine acre site in the middle of a city be swept under the carpet?
01:11we'll use the official secrets act. but how can it possibly be a secret it's so
01:14huge? it's a big secret bernard. but surely you can't use the official secrets act
01:20not with something that everybody knows about. bernard the official secrets act is
01:24not to protect secrets it's to protect officials.
01:28uh sir humphrey why haven't you allowed me to show the Solihull report to the minister
01:33telling the true story? he hasn't asked. why bother a minister's head with things he
01:38doesn't want to know about? but how can he ask if he doesn't know there's anything to ask about?
01:42quite so. sir humphrey i'm it's not that i'm questioning your judgment but but
01:47uh but why? because bernard the Solihull report contained a paragraph casting doubt on the
01:55financial soundness of michael bradley and sloan enterprises limited. then the report's foresight
02:00had some insight in the light of hindsight. what? well if it said that michael bradley
02:06was going to go bust. please bernard watch your language. now the point is that by the time the
02:12report came out i was so or rather the department was so committed to bradley that it seemed worth
02:19taking the risk to see the project through. well if the minister knows the government's financial
02:23partner was going bust he wouldn't be so silly as to make a broadcast about it would he? bernard
02:29ministers should never know more than they need to know then they can't tell anyone.
02:35like secret agents they could be captured and tortured. you mean by terrorists? by the bbc bernard.
02:43the bank is dithering they don't know whether or not to foreclose which would be a disaster.
02:46anyway i'm having a meal today with sir desmond glazebrook their chairman we might manage to cook
02:51something up. why didn't you go to a restaurant? anyway in the meantime come what may the minister
02:59must be discouraged from referring to the Solihull project on the air. sir humphrey this is a bit of a
03:04cover-up isn't it? certainly not bernard it is responsible discretion exercised in the national interest
03:11to prevent unnecessary disclosure of eminently justifiable procedures in which untimely
03:16revelation could severely impair public confidence. oh i see it's like watergate. bernard
03:24if you wish to leave the service and become a bbc interviewer you have only to apply.
03:29sorry sir humphrey but how was watergate different exactly? watergate happened in america bernard.
03:35yes yes i see. hi good morning minister. morning humphrey. morning bernard. sorry i'm late.
03:44just put them on the desk would you george? yes sir. i'll be about an hour i don't want to be late
03:47at broadcasting house. right sir. what's this broadcast all about by the way? nato isn't it?
03:52uh no minister. partnerships and industry. oh yes. knew it was something like that. who else is in it?
03:59it's all in there minister. an employer and a trade unionist as usual. joe morgan. wasn't he
04:05the tuc representative on the solihull project? uh minister ah. yes humphrey. minister you are not
04:12proposing to refer to the solihull project on the air? certainly i regard it as a shining example of
04:17cooperation between the government and private industry. yes but all the same i would be much happier
04:22if it were omitted. why? well don't you think it's rather premature? certainly not. building started
04:28months ago. exactly. um rather out of date in fact. premature and out of date. well untimely. don't you
04:38think it'd be rather uninteresting to the general public? certainly not. it's something that's going
04:41on right now. extremely interesting. yes quite so. so interesting in fact that there is a danger that
04:46it might obscure your main point perhaps. what is my main point? bernard what's the minister's main point?
04:55oh uh yes. that private projects are more socially responsible with government money
04:59and government projects are more efficient with private investment. there i see. it underlines my
05:04main point. you really are a wet blanket aren't you humphrey? just go about stirring up apathy. minister
05:09i must seriously advise you with all the earnestness at my command not to refer to the solihal project
05:16on the air today. why? what? i said why. why? why? well minister. couldn't be that you're planning to take
05:25the credit for this yourself could it? at next month's european convention of government administration?
05:30i beg your pardon? your keynote speech will make very good reading won't it? well let me tell you a few
05:34facts of life humphrey. it is politicians who are responsible ultimately to the people and it is we
05:40who get the credit not civil servants. minister i would be perfectly happy for you to have the
05:46credit for this project but i must beg beseech and implore you not today. no it's no good humphrey.
05:52i'm not going to fall for it. i'm going to get all the political capital i can out of the
05:56solely howell project. minister i must strongly. i know a good thing when i see one. please minister do
06:00listen to one. no no no. minister. no. humphrey.
06:09what? what?
06:14i mean if it had been just up to me obviously i'd help out like a shot.
06:18quite so desmond. after all it's not the bank's fault that some idiot government minister gets into bed with
06:22the financial whiz kid who then takes the money and runs. well that particular minister wasn't
06:27entirely to blame. there were extenuating circumstances. i mean this bradley chap looked
06:32very sound at the time. quite but you wouldn't have done a damn fool thing like that if it had been you.
06:38would you? i mean when it looked like this fellow bradley just wanted a temporary bridging loan that
06:43was one thing but now you say he can't pay his bills. well shall we say he's unlikely to fulfill his
06:48financial undertakings to her majesty's government. can't pay his bills you mean. and if a ship goes
06:53down it's likely to take her majesty's government's financial undertakings with it. yes unless a reputable
07:00bank were to take over the contract from bradley with a view to participating in a project which
07:06her majesty's government is determined to make successful and profitable. quite so.
07:10more sans serve for her majesty's government? well like i say it's up to my board. could go either way
07:19quite frankly. could go either way. incidentally to change the subject completely humphrey you remember
07:27the new ministry co-partnership uh commission you mentioned? indeed. the chairmanship hasn't been
07:34filled? no not yet. because if it were to be um should one should one be offered uh not not for the
07:42money of course i mean what's eight thousand a year? 160 a week part-time. right but it would be a fascinating uh
07:52has has anything been decided informally? well um i'm fully aware that you're looking around for a couple
07:58of quangos and i can tell you in complete confidence that your name is
08:07on the short list. the short list? quangos can't suddenly be in short supply can they? well there's
08:15a report in today's telegraph the quango jungle. there are still around 8 000 paid appointments within
08:24the gift of ministers to quasi-autonomous non-government organizations at a cost of the taxpayer five
08:28million pounds. yeah you must have two or three spare. well there's certainly a lot around. point is finding
08:34one that's appropriate. i mean there has to be some reason to appoint you you see. what about the advisory
08:41committee of dental establishments? you know anything about teeth? i'm a banker.
08:46and that rules out the milk marketing board too. how about the dumping at sea representations panel?
08:57where do you live? near the sea? knightsbridge. just behind harrods. not near enough. that more or
09:08less rules out the clyde river purification board. from steak? oh that's for me. yes sir. meat marketing
09:14board. do you know anything about meat? i eat it. not enough. that rules out the meat and livestock
09:22commission. dover sol sir. white fish authority. potato marketing board. the governors of the national
09:30vegetable research station. the national biological standards board. is that my salad? yes it is. thank
09:37you robert. the arable crops and forage board. the food and drink training board. could i have some
09:48french mustard? yes sir. oh splendid idea. what about the food additives and contaminants committee?
09:54i'm afraid i know very little about any of those. well my dear chap what do you know about? nothing.
10:00nothing. nothing really. i'm i'm a banker. this is not easy.
10:12the fire services examinations board.
10:19st john's ambulance.
10:22french mustard sir. oh thank you. oh what about the plant varieties and seeds tribunal?
10:27sir mid humphrey. i'm a banker. thank you. well there must be some minority group that you can
10:35represent. bankers? you see the ideal quango appointee is a black welsh disabled woman trades unionist.
10:46we're all looking around for one of them. you don't happen to know any do you? no.
10:51well so it uh it all boils down to the industry co-partnership commission. still i i find that
10:59quite acceptable. well it is within the gift of my minister and you need only put in appearances once
11:05or twice a month. are there lots of papers? yes but it wouldn't be awfully necessary to read them.
11:12then i wouldn't have anything to say at the monthly meetings. splendid i can see you're just the chap i'm
11:16doing.
11:23uh broadcast to the house.
11:36sorry to keep you george. that's all right sir. when you drop me can you take mr woolley
11:39on to the house and then come back? right sir. i don't know. what's the real reason why humphrey
11:44wants to stop me mentioning the surly howl project on the air? didn't you think he gave six or seven
11:49very convincing reasons minister? did you? well i think sir humphrey knows what he's doing minister.
11:54sure he does. i wish i knew what sir humphrey was doing. i'm sure if sir humphrey advises something
11:59minister then whatever he does advise is advisable. what do you advise? well it's not for me to advise
12:07minister but if it were i would be obliged to advise you that you would be well advised to follow sir
12:13humphrey's advice. why? well it's just that certain projects have certain aspects which with sensitive
12:22handling given reasonable discretion when events permit. there's no prima facie reason why with
12:30appropriate give and take if if all goes well in the fullness of time when the moment is is ripe.
12:39you're blethering bernard. oh yes minister. why are you blethering bernard? it's my job minister.
12:45perfect example of the way this thing can work. it's going on up in solely howl now. government
12:51money and private investment working together in a real partnership. black trap. and i think it's
12:56symbolic of the way this government is working. i've taken a great personal interest in the solely
13:01howl project because no not just words it is actually there in bricks and mortar. a concrete example
13:09if i may put it like that of the fact that our principles really work in practice. oh thank you
13:14thank you minister. one last word mr conway. i should just like to repeat that there's nothing
13:19wrong with the principle of partnership provided provided that there's no interference in management
13:25decisions from the state or the workforce. thank you mr conway. joe morgan. dear oh dear oh dear
13:33we all know that mr conway is talking out of date capitalist claptrap. if partnership is to mean
13:40anything at all it must mean an equal partnership between unions government and industry in that
13:46order. our final word minister. i think we're all in agreement really i mean fundamentally we've shown
13:56that if we can work together we can forge a new britain and it's given me a great deal of pleasure
14:00here today to be able to talk to two of the principal forges. the principal. thank you. the right
14:07honorable james hacker mp minister for administrative affairs was talking with george conway chairman of
14:12the national construction federation and joe morgan general secretary of the commercial and
14:17administrative workers union. splendid thank you all very much. gene will take you to hospitality.
14:25is it really all right? first class really most interesting minister. is there any way we can
14:31edit that awful hacker waffle down to two and a half? i'll leave the tolly howl bit though.
14:38joe see you later. good well done. well i hope you won't mind my mentioning it mr mr harker but i
14:44wondered if you could put a word in for my member's claim for a special birmingham allowance. really don't
14:49think i can conduct trade union negotiations at bbc studio. anyway that's the department of the
14:54employment method. i know but um i really don't see how i can. i mean before we knew where we were
14:59we'd have a manchester allowance, plymouth allowance, shipping sodbury allowance. well i was thinking see
15:05that after this broadcast people might be asking questions about the solihull project. wanting to
15:10know more about it you understand. i hope they do. yes but as we know there are some things better not found
15:16out. you sure we understand one another? do we? you got something in your eye? just a gleam. what?
15:29oh come off it hacker we got you by the short and curly. and i'm asking 10 percent below london allowance
15:37and we'll settle for uh 30 percent below. give you the credit for beating us down. i'm sorry there's just
15:43not going to be a birmingham allowance. you better resign yourself to that. but if anybody's going
15:47to have to resign it's not going to be me. what are you talking about? a solihull project of course.
15:52i could hardly believe it when you took all the credit for it in that broadcast. great courage of
15:57course. but whatever possessed you? what? cannons to the right of him. cannons to the left of him.
16:03into the valley of death road mr arca. how'd it go sir? oh very well very well. i was talking about
16:19government industry cooperation. there's a very interesting project going on up in the midlands
16:24at the moment. i don't suppose you'd have heard about it much down here but it's very interesting.
16:30if you know the background. you don't mean the solihull project sir? yes. you've heard about it?
16:40what are you laughing about? oh nothing sir.
16:45what have you heard? oh nothing really sir. we regard it as a shining example of collaboration
16:51between government and private industry. not so funny george. what do you know about all this?
16:57oh not more than you might pick up in 37 journeys between the ministry and mr michael bradley's office.
17:0244 faringwood street and 129 birmingham road solihull. 37 journeys? who are with? oh your predecessor sir.
17:09and sir humphrey mostly.
17:13very cheerful they were in the first few trips. they kept talking about
17:18shining examples of successful collaboration and such like. then the gloom start to come down if
17:24you know what i mean. gloom? well no not gloom. more like desperation really.
17:33what about? well you're the one who knows the background sir. yes yes yes. any particular bit of
17:42the background you were thinking of? well no. i mean when something's fishy it's just fishy isn't it?
17:48you don't know which particular bit the smell's coming from. fishy? well i mean i don't really know.
17:54for all i know mr bradley may be quite kosher. despite everything sir humphrey said about him.
18:01so you'd know more about all that than i do sir. i'm just the driver.
18:05i'm just the minister. yes i agree. a birmingham allowance for morgan's union is out of the question.
18:14but how is the broadcast itself minister? well all right i think. you think.
18:20i talked very enthusiastically about the solihull project and then i had second thoughts. any particular reason?
18:27no. humphrey is everything all right about the solihull project? yes minister. i understand the
18:35building works are proceeding quite satisfactorily. no no no. that's not what i meant.
18:40is something going on? a building is going on minister. no no. i mean something's up isn't it?
18:47yes indeed minister. what? well the first floor is up and the second floor is almost. humphrey i'm
18:52talking about the whole basis of the thing. oh i i see. what can you tell me about that? ah well as
18:59i understand it minister the basis is an aggregate of gravel and cement on six feet of best builder's
19:05rubble. humphrey i think you know that i'm talking about the finance. oh i see our contract with the
19:09construction company you mean. do i? yes well i understand these stage payments are in accordance
19:14with all the usual. humphrey what is it that i don't know? what precisely do you mean minister? i don't know.
19:22that's just it. i don't know. and i don't know because i can't find what questions to ask you.
19:29and i don't know what to ask you because i don't know. what is it that i don't know? minister i don't
19:34know what you don't know. it could be almost anything. you're keeping something from me aren't you?
19:40yes indeed. aha. it is the department's duty to protect the minister from the great tide of
19:46irrelevant information that beats against the walls of this department day after day. humphrey
19:52there is something about the solely hall project that i know i don't know. and i know you know.
19:56i know bernard knows. joe morgan knows. my own driver knows more than i do. it's only me. poor joe
20:02soap has to stand up and tell the great british public about it who hasn't got a clue as to what's going
20:06on. humphrey will you answer a simple question? certainly minister. what is it? i don't know.
20:16if you tell me i'll ask it. well? yes frank? our meeting? meeting? about my quango paper. oh yes
20:24come on in. you've read frank's quango paper. have you? oh yes indeed minister. what did you think of
20:30it? the bit about ending the scandal of ministerial patronage? all those thousands of jobs for the
20:35boys? most original and imaginative. you liked it? frank original and imaginative are two of humphrey's
20:42most damning criticisms. ah but it would be a very popular political move. hand all the quango
20:46appointments over to a select committee of parliament. get the best men for the job instead of old chums.
20:51party hacks and you scratch my back and i'll scratch yours. i agree. i think we should put this forward
20:54for legislation. certainly as a novel proposal. novel. that's the other killer. but when a system
21:00is working smoothly. smoothly? look at this. proposal for chairman of the new industrial co-partnership
21:06commission. the latest quango. sir desmond glazebrook. i asked him. he's never been in industry. he's never
21:11met a trade unionist. and he said some very unpleasant things about this government. is that what a smoothly
21:16operating system comes up with? he would be an excellent chairman. he's a blithering idiot.
21:21yes but an excellent chairman. no i'm sorry humphrey. no this is where i draw the line. i'm not going to
21:26appoint sir desmond glazebrook. really minister you must. no i'm sorry. no no no. no way. no glazebrook
21:33over my dead body. right? minister before you make your final decision.
21:38i think perhaps you ought to see this.
21:46report on the solely how project? why is it top secret? seven and a half million pounds. probable
21:53bankrupt proceeding. imminent collapse of project. well imminent imminent collapse of project?
22:03humphrey why didn't you tell me all this before? minister i am deeply conscious of the heavy burdens
22:08of your office. when this becomes public knowledge it'll be all over the front pages. it's a public
22:11scandal. a disaster. it's appalling. wait a minute jim. look this report is dated before the election.
22:17you're in the clear. you're laughing. yes but unfortunately under the convention of ministerial
22:22responsibility the blame. but everyone will know it wasn't jim. quite so but the principle
22:28of democratic accountability requires the occasional human sacrifice when the pack is baying for blood.
22:36isn't that right minister? surely he has only to point to the dates. oh a lesser man might try to wriggle
22:42out of it. but there is only one honorable course open. as the minister is well aware. don't you think
22:50frank might have a point? except of course only today minister you have publicly identified yourself
22:55with the success of the project. my god the broadcast? yes minister. when's it going on? well it's due for
22:59transmission about now. no. yes i'm afraid so. get onto the bbc at once. yes. stop it bernard. stop what minister? oh yes.
23:05yes sir. well minister i wish you luck. but you know what the bbc are like? this is crisis. an emergency. this is a scandal.
23:12of course. i'm sure of you to put it like that. they might. might what? move it to peak listening time.
23:20any luck bernard? oh well. i'd just like to point out that there is a perfect job of what can be done. it's
23:24going on up in silly hell now. government money and private investment in real partnership and it does
23:30seem to be symbolic of everything this government is working for. i've taken a great deal of personal
23:35interest in this early harm project and it's not just words. it's actually there in britain.
23:40symbolic of everything this government is working for. umphrey. how could you let me say all those
23:53things? minister i can only advise. i did advise. i advise most strongly but when the advice is advices.
24:00all right. all right. all right. all right. advise me now. certainly minister. now it is possible that
24:09the bank may take over the contract from bradley and sloan enterprises limited and all will be well.
24:14the bank. fine. well let's. the bank however is hesitant. but it so happens that the director in
24:21charge is to retire next year and he's anxious to find another appointment. a chairmanship of a
24:27quango for instance. well give him one. give him that one you're reserving for that idiot
24:33desmond glazeman. who is the director in charge? desmond glazeman.
24:42he's not a bad chap. he's always attacking the government in public. yes well it does us good
24:49sometimes to appoint our opponents. i mean you know it's democratic statesman. yes i've changed my
24:55mind. i think that's a very good appointment. but you can't. shut up frank. anybody else know about
25:00this? well apart from ourselves and the bank and michael bradley. only the union representative on the
25:06project. joe morgan of course. that's what was behind his special birmingham allowance claim. blackmail.
25:13that's quite so minister. i've been thinking. if desmond glazeman is going to be chairman he'll need some
25:19support won't he? now i was thinking of a deputy chairman. someone with real experience of industry.
25:26an excellent thought minister. is there anyone you could advise me would be particularly appropriate
25:32do you think? a trade unionist for example? um what about joe morgan minister? joe morgan?
25:42excellent idea. well done humphrey. oh it takes two to quango minister.
25:49get on to them both immediately. will you bernard? this is exactly what i'm talking about. this is what's
25:54wrong with the system. it's jobs for the boys. quid pro quo corruption. what about my quango
25:59abolition paper? very good frank. very good. original. and imaginative. novel. novel.
26:06i'm serious about it. what are you going to do?
26:11all right but you're not going to suppress it you know. i'll get it to cabinet through someone else.
26:15i'll get it adopted as party policy. you'll see. i don't think i should do that. if the press were to get hold of this. yes. if the press were to get hold of this. what a story. frank you know i've
26:24been wondering. have you ever thought of serving on a quango? oh no. you're not corrupting me. no no no.
26:31of course not. but i i think perhaps that better than abolishing the entire system would be to
26:36actually make it work. sir? well humphrey and i were thinking if we were to set up a special commission to
26:42investigate and report on the composition and activities of all quangos that might be the answer.
26:49the answer you must be. you'd have to be very senior of course. mostly privy councillors. oh. but of
26:54course it would need too some very able people. some people who'd studied quangos and knew the abuses of
27:00the system. and in the light of your knowledge and concern humphrey suggested your name.
27:09didn't you humphrey? mr wisel i said. you're not going to change my opinions you know.
27:15there is such a thing as integrity. well of course. but it is your opinions and your integrity that would
27:20make you such a valuable member of this quang. mind you. it'd be very hard work. service to this super
27:27quango would involve you in some very arduous foreign travel. to see how these matters are managed in
27:36other important government centers. japan australia. california. the west indies. john tahiti.
27:46tahiti.
27:47yes. that would be fairly arduous wouldn't it? oh dreadful dreadful dreadful. but well serving the
27:57public is what it's all about isn't it? certainly frank. serving the public.
28:00serving the public minister quite. and what about my quango paper then? invaluable. take it with you.
28:07i'll um i'll keep a copy if i may on the files. with the surley howell report? yes ma'am
28:20i'll keep a copy if i may on the file. thank you.
28:33i'll see you next time.
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