- 2 months ago
- #comedy
- #stageplay
- #dryhumor
#comedy #stageplay #dryhumor
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00Good evening, and welcome back to Play of the Week, where each week a new play is performed
00:15live in front of a studio audience and broadcast to the nation. I am Chris Bean, the director.
00:23Before we begin tonight's prison break play, one small notice. In order to comply with the
00:28BBC's anti-knife crime policy, all knives in tonight's play have been replaced with spoons.
00:34Also, we are delighted to have Robert's niece, Lucy Grove, joining us this evening.
00:41Uh, thank you. I have a message here from Robert. He would like to apologise in advance
00:47for her subpar performance. Well, that's just mean. So, the actors are prepared. The stage
00:55is set. Please enjoy this play, There Is No Escape. Uh, that's the title of the play. I'm
01:03not saying there's no escape from the studio, although the fire exits are locked. Enjoy!
01:08Indiana, 76. I'd found myself in the toughest jail in the Midwest. My name is Billy Wheeler,
01:23and I've been inside for six months. Stuck staring at a locked door.
01:34Every day was full of uncertainty. Folks went missing in this prison. They were here one day and gone the next.
01:42The only thing I knew for sure was there was no way out. I'd spend the rest of my life behind these bars.
01:56To make matters worse, I got moved into a new cell, and my cellmates seemed to have taken a disliking to me.
02:01So, how's it going? Folks say you know a thing or two about this prison. I said. What's it to you?
02:17He replied. Stu Malone. I'd heard that before. What do they call you? Stu Malone. I wondered what his name was.
02:27What are you in for? I killed a guy. Now I'm just a number. I said.
02:37We looked up at the sky. At last, we were free. Listen, uh, if you want to survive in here,
02:46you better keep your head down. So, what'd you do on the outside? I, uh, worked in federal construction.
02:56This jail was one of mine. So, if this place has any secrets, you'd know about them, eh, buddy?
03:02Hey, I ain't nobody's buddy. I'm not here to make friends.
03:05We shook hands. I knew we were going to be good friends.
03:13Everyone thinks there's a way out. There ain't. Guilty men gotta do their time.
03:19And right then and there, Stu Malone died in my arms. No.
03:25Dinner was delivered by old Wallace. He was an ex-boxer with a jaw you could break rocks on.
03:31Slops up, kids.
03:32I got something else for you, too. Little Marty picked you up a message.
03:48What do you got for us, Marty? Your guy on the outside sent you this.
04:01Bird noise!
04:02Oh, make the noise. Car! Car!
04:11Good job, Marty. Here, have some seed.
04:16What are you doing?
04:17Script says pecs.
04:20How much?
04:21Two bucks.
04:21Buck, buck.
04:22Can I owe you?
04:26Hmm. Sure.
04:30Come on, Marty. Fly!
04:38It's from Jones. He says he's gonna help me.
04:41Please, Stu, I need your help, too. Just get me as far as the fence.
04:44I told you, there is no escape.
04:45What if I could prove to you I was innocent?
04:47If you can prove that, why'd you need me?
04:51Because the warden's the biggest criminal in the whole pen.
04:54My wife, Andrea, she was a journalist.
04:58She was trying to prove just that.
05:01She was trying to prove, just stop it.
05:06She was trying to prove just that before.
05:09Well, without your help, I'm gonna spend the rest of my life stuck behind these bars.
05:21Well, looks like you better get used to it.
05:27All right, boys. Lights out.
05:40Trust me, Stu.
05:40I want to find a way to convince you.
05:50Good night.
05:53Good night.
05:55Wallace sure loved his little bird, Marty.
05:58But the real love of his life was his daughter, Olivia.
06:02Not so fast.
06:12Take your time.
06:13Look at the phone.
06:14Look at it be.
06:15It's me.
06:16Shut up.
06:18Now.
06:20Hello?
06:20Louder.
06:21Hello?
06:22Softer.
06:23Hello?
06:24Oh, fine.
06:25Hello?
06:26Don't look at him.
06:27You're on the phone.
06:28Sorry.
06:28Ask who's there.
06:30Who's there?
06:31Not you.
06:32You made the call.
06:33Who's there?
06:35It's me, Olivia.
06:36And it's your imprisoned father.
06:38Emotions, emotions, emotions.
06:41Hi, Daddy.
06:42Come on, tears, Lucy.
06:45Hi, Daddy.
06:46Think of the time I hit your dog with my car.
06:50Hi, Daddy.
06:51Come on, Lucy.
06:51You cried all day then.
06:52I couldn't shut you up.
06:54Robert, are you directing?
06:56I'm trying to.
06:57They're pretty wooden.
06:57I can't really get in.
06:58I am the director.
06:59Get off.
06:59Come on.
07:00I'm leaving.
07:01I just wish you could be here for my birthday next week.
07:04So do I, sweetie.
07:05Listen.
07:06I asked about that journalist you mentioned, Andrea Wheeler.
07:09There's no record of any story she was writing about the prison.
07:13It's strange.
07:14Like, all the files have just disappeared.
07:18Quiet.
07:19Sorry.
07:19I forgot the journalist was killed by the warden.
07:21Shut up.
07:21Sorry.
07:22That's the twist.
07:24Damn it.
07:25I gotta go.
07:25My quarter's running out.
07:27Say your brother, Timmy, wants to speak to him.
07:29Um, Timmy wants to speak to you.
07:31Where, Daddy?
07:31Where?
07:32I'm a sad little boy.
07:33Stop adding characters.
07:35I have to go.
07:36Apparently, I don't exist.
07:38I love you, Olivia.
07:39I'm sorry to not be there with you.
07:41I love you too, Daddy.
07:42Done.
07:43All right.
07:43Scene three.
07:47The rec room was dangerous.
07:49Some of the guys were real mean.
07:51And the meanest of them all was Mick the Muscle.
07:55And his goon, Rex.
08:01I remember that day I was minding my own business.
08:04Just sipping on a soda.
08:10When I saw how much trouble old slugger Wallace was in.
08:13Hey, Mick.
08:15You hungry?
08:17Yeah.
08:18Hey, Wallace.
08:25Yeah.
08:26Hey, Wallace.
08:27It's time for my double portions.
08:29Oh, Mick, you know I can't do that no more.
08:31They're gonna take away my yard time and then I can't find Marty no worms.
08:35Well, that's too bad.
08:37Because Mick the Muscle needs his protein!
08:40Huh!
08:4750.
08:50Yeah.
08:51That's how we do it on D-Wing.
08:52Oh!
08:58You said it, Mick!
09:04Hey, hey!
09:05Come on now!
09:05Give her those back!
09:09Whatcha gonna do, old man?
09:11Yeah.
09:15What are you gonna do?
09:20Hey!
09:21Leave him alone.
09:22What the hell are you doing?
09:23We don't want any trouble.
09:24Well, you got trouble.
09:28Thanks for the soda.
09:29Just leave the old man alone.
09:38You're gonna regret it.
09:39Is there a problem, gentlemen?
09:41Warden, I, uh, I didn't see you there.
09:44Ah!
09:46Twist.
09:47What's gonna twist?
09:49We was just, uh, talking.
09:51Ain't that right, Wallace?
09:53Uh, yeah.
09:54Yeah, we was just having a nice little chit-chat.
09:57Well, is that so?
10:04My office.
10:05Let's go.
10:05Yes, boss.
10:08Don't think this is over, Malone.
10:10One day soon, you boys are gonna get a taste of these.
10:22Mick and the warden were up to no good.
10:25They headed to the office where all the shady business went down.
10:29Relax, Mick.
10:54Relax, Mick. You're not in trouble.
11:24Tell me something. Do you trust me?
11:37Sure. I've always looked up to you.
11:40Mick.
11:45You got a problem with Billy?
11:47No, Warden.
11:48That's too bad, because I do.
11:50I got something for you, Mick.
12:09Take a look in this drawer.
12:13My file.
12:15That's right.
12:17Twenty-seven conduct violations.
12:19But if this went missing, you'd be out on parole next month.
12:23Smell that fresh air, Mick!
12:25How'd you like to be out there breathing it in?
12:27What do you want?
12:29Wheeler's Appeal's coming up next week.
12:37So?
12:38New evidence has come to light.
12:40But if they find him innocent, they'll go looking for the real killer.
12:43I can't have that.
12:44Not if I want to work in high office.
12:49I need Billy to disappear.
12:51Like the others.
12:53You hear something?
12:57There's no one there.
13:01Let me get you a drink.
13:02Whiskey?
13:03Whiskey?
13:04Sure.
13:05You alright?
13:06You seem a little jumpy.
13:34I won't be if you make sure Billy misses his court date. While you're at it, take care of his friend Malone, too.
13:41Ha! I'll drink to that.
13:53Stu caught up to me in the hall, shaking in his boots.
13:56Hi, Billy.
13:58We gotta get out of here first.
14:00You finally believe I'm innocent?
14:01I know you're innocent, kid. And I know if we don't get out of here soon, we'll be dead.
14:05And right then and there, Stu Malone died in my arms.
14:08No! Stop!
14:11You'll find us a getaway driver. I'll get us out of here.
14:15If we were gonna break out of prison, I knew exactly who to call.
14:21Jones, it's me. Everything's set for tonight. Be ready outside the east wall in the fastest car you've got.
14:28I'm on my way.
14:31Jones was a specialist. He could bust out of anywhere. There wasn't a prison in the world that could hold him.
14:41Everything was falling into place.
14:43That is, until Stu headed down to the shower block and made the mistake of letting his guard down.
14:50Well, well, well. What do we have here?
15:06Nick, I was, uh, just leaving.
15:08Not so fast. What are ya? Afraid of something?
15:12I'm not afraid of you. You should be.
15:14Oh, yeah? Why's that?
15:16You see these skulls?
15:17You see these skulls?
15:19You see these...
15:22You see these skulls?
15:24I got one for each guy I killed.
15:26Maybe you ought to treat us with a little more respect.
15:29I'm not afraid of two goons who ain't got one brain cell between them.
15:33Come here and say that to my fights, Malone.
15:50Come on. Let's get out of here.
15:52What? Stu!
15:58You gonna be okay, Stu?
16:00Listen to me, Billy. There's only one window in this place without bars or locks on it.
16:05Where is it?
16:06In the warden's office. It'll get you out into the yard. You can make it from there.
16:11I'm gonna make him pay for this.
16:13Then he looked at me and said his last words.
16:16No, Billy. You gotta be better than them.
16:20No matter how far you run, you'll never be free.
16:31Then he looked at me and said his last words.
16:41Prison...
16:44Prison is a...
16:48We're in prison.
16:50After Stu was killed, the prism was gripped with tension. The whole place was on a spoon edge.
17:01At mealtime, Wallace came by to try and cheer me up.
17:08I was sorry to hear about Stu.
17:11No, no, no, no!
17:26Thanks, Wallace, but I'm not hungry.
17:29Trust me.
17:31Trust me.
17:32You're gonna wanna eat your dinner tonight.
17:34I said I'm not hungry.
17:35There's a...
17:37There's a special ingredient.
17:39A key!
17:40Wallace, where the hell did you get this?
17:42Oh, Marty's good for more than just sending messages.
17:45You lifted that key off Mackenzie, and my daughter made a coffee in her shop.
17:53I got something for you.
17:55Yeah?
17:56Yeah.
17:57Oh.
17:59Chocolate.
18:00For your daughter's birthday, you're coming with me.
18:03No, no, no, no.
18:04I don't wanna slow you down.
18:05I got arthritis in my knees, and my jaw comes off!
18:10Hide by the soda machines in the rec room at the end of your rounds.
18:14I'll meet you there at midnight.
18:15You're a good boy, Billy Wheeler.
18:18Come on, Marty!
18:28What the hell are you doing?
18:30Fly us down.
18:35I climbed out of the top bunk with the key in my hand.
18:38I'd never felt so free.
18:41All right, boys!
18:42Lights out!
18:49Turn the lights out!
18:55Lights!
18:56Out!
19:01Fine.
19:05At midnight, I got out of bed and used the key to unlock my cell.
19:09I was out.
19:17I walked down the hall, took her right, and headed over to the soda machines.
19:20No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, we need them!
19:24Help!
19:26Help!
19:27Help!
19:28Help!
19:30Help!
19:31Help!
19:32Help!
19:33Help!
19:35Get up!
19:37Get up!
19:39Get up!
19:40Wallace was waiting in the rec room just like we planned.
19:42But suddenly, Officer McKenzie showed up.
19:46Quick, behind a soda machine!
19:49Quick, behind a soda machine!
19:51It was a close call.
19:53We ran out of the rec room, headed down the corridor, and made our way to the shower block.
19:58I'd stashed a pair of bolt cutters in the drain, and a length of rope behind a loose tile.
20:05.
20:06But suddenly, there he was.
20:07.
20:08.
20:09.
20:10.
20:11.
20:12.
20:13.
20:14.
20:15.
20:16.
20:18.
20:19.
20:20.
20:22.
20:23.
20:24.
20:25.
20:26.
20:27.
20:28where Billy Wheeler, or you taking your grandpa with you?
20:33Ain't that sweet?
20:35Well, I hate to break it to you, Billy,
20:38but you just got the death penalty.
20:40Ha!
20:41Ah!
20:42Damn!
20:44It's a bad.
20:49Rex.
20:51If you're busting out, I'm coming with you.
20:54I ain't going nowhere with this low life.
20:58We shook hands.
21:00I knew we were going to be good friends.
21:07Like hell you're coming with us.
21:10You know what the last thing Stu said to me before he died was?
21:13He said,
21:14Prison...
21:16Prison is...
21:18We're in prison.
21:20I couldn't have put it better myself.
21:24If he wants to come with us, I say let him.
21:26All right, but we got to get out of here quick before Mackenzie comes back.
21:30Let's get up to the warden's office.
21:36No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
21:40We arrived in the office and ran over to the open window.
21:46There's the window.
21:47Well, good evening, gentlemen.
21:50Warden!
21:51Take one more step and I'll have Mackenzie punch your lights out.
21:55No, not now!
22:00I can't let you go any further.
22:01Took a lot of work to get you here in the first place.
22:04You put me here?
22:05That's right.
22:06I needed you somewhere where I could keep an eye on you.
22:08Make sure no one found out who really killed your wife.
22:12It was you.
22:13That's right.
22:14Big twist!
22:15No one saw it coming.
22:17But why?
22:19Uh...
22:22Why did you murder my wife?
22:23Because...
22:27Because...
22:29Because...
22:31Because she discovered the murder.
22:35She discovered her own murder?
22:37How could she discover her own murder?
22:38Have you not read the script?
22:40Read my lines.
22:43My wife, the journalist, discovered the murder that happened in the prison.
22:47I thought she was the locksmith.
22:48No, that's your daughter who we met on the phone.
22:50With the brother.
22:51Who's the brother?
22:52I'm the brother.
22:53You're the warden!
22:54The warden is my daughter's brother.
22:56Yes!
22:57Twist!
22:58No!
22:59The warden is the young girl's brother who goes on to kill his own father.
23:03It's Star Wars.
23:04That's not Star Wars at all!
23:06I've not seen it.
23:07What happens in Star Wars?
23:08In Star Wars, he is the father.
23:11Luke thinks Vader killed his father, but it turns out he is his father.
23:14He's his own father?
23:15No, Vader is Luke's father!
23:17Urgh!
23:18Spoilers!
23:19Well, who's Sonny Arf Jackson?
23:20That's the prequel.
23:21Shut up!
23:22Right.
23:23My wife, the journalist, discovered the murder that happened in the prison.
23:26So the warden had her murdered.
23:28But why did you need Mick to kill Billy?
23:30So none of the guards suspect I'm in on it.
23:32But now Mackenzie knows it was you.
23:34Yes!
23:35That's why you shoot her!
23:36Brilliant!
23:37Yes!
23:38Okay!
23:39Bang!
23:40So, I framed you for the murder, then I had you transferred here so I could keep an eye on you, but then you met the old man who has the daughter, who makes the key, and has a brother who's also me but isn't the warden.
24:01Right, everyone clear?
24:02Yes.
24:03I'm not.
24:04Doesn't matter, you're a bird!
24:05All right, here we go.
24:06I ought to thank you.
24:07If I killed you the day you walked through the door, folks would have asked questions.
24:10But shooting a prisoner who's trying to escape?
24:12No one's going to bat an eyelid.
24:13walked through the door folks would have asked questions but shooting a
24:16prisoner who's trying to escape no one's gonna bat an eyelid you crook got a
24:21Marty what are you doing bird sweeps in
24:32quick out the window we darted out of the window and over to the wall
24:37we'll never get under this wall we're not going under we're going over hand me the
24:50rope over we go
25:07nice work boys but how are we gonna get past all that bolt cutters
25:15work like a charm
25:26come on
25:28piece of cake it was then I saw him Jones my getaway driver pulling up in a
25:48gleaming red Buick LeSabre
26:01you boys looking for a ride let's go everybody in
26:09hey there they are
26:13they're right on our tail
26:19hey watch out for that round everybody hold on
26:27I think we lost them
26:30we drove for hours into the night until finally we pulled up outside a gas station near Bloomington
26:36what now I've got to call a guy who'll get you over the border I'll go find a phone
26:52I was glad to be out but that was nothing compared to seeing Wallace reunited with his daughter after 20 years
27:00his jaw was on the floor
27:07happy birthday
27:11and Timmy I'm here too it's also my birthday
27:14thanks daddy
27:16where's the chocolate
27:18I've missed you so much
27:21I've missed you so much
27:25dead dog dead dog dead dog
27:29I've missed you so much
27:31think of your parents divorce
27:33I've missed you so much
27:35I've missed you so much
27:36think of the time you soiled yourself at your ballet recital
27:39that was
27:41you
27:43you
27:45you
27:47you
27:49you
27:51you
27:53you
27:55you
27:57you
27:59you
28:01you
28:03You
Be the first to comment