If You’re Feeling Overwhelmed, You Need to Hear This

Mel Robbins

Order your copy of The Let Them Theory 👉 https://melrob.co/let-them-theory 👈 The #1 Best Selling Book of 2025 🔥 Discover how much power you truly have. It all begins with two simple words. Let Them. —  If you’ve been thinking, I can’t focus…  I can’t catch up… I feel so behind…   This episode is for you.  Today, Mel breaks down overwhelm: why your brain feels overloaded and the 4 simple steps you can use today to clear your mind and finally get back on track.  You’ll learn: -The real reason you can’t focus (and it’s not what you think) -The first thing to do when you feel paralyzed by stress or decisions -Why doing more is actually keeping you stuck -A quick 30-second reset that melts overwhelm fast -How to stop the “I’m so behind” spiral If your to-do list never ends.  If your home, inbox, or mind feels cluttered, or if you’re constantly running on empty, this episode will help you hit reset.  By the end, you’ll have a proven game plan to break free from the Overwhelm Trap and take your power back, in a very surprising way.  For more resources related to today’s episode, click here for the podcast episode page: https://www.melrobbins.com/episode/ep...  Follow The Mel Robbins Podcast on Instagram:   / themelrobbinspodcast     I’m just your friend. I am not a licensed therapist, and this podcast is NOT intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. Got it? Good. I’ll see you in the next episode.   In this episode: 00:00 Welcome 02:26 What Causes the Feeling of Overwhelm? 08:53 Expert Insights: Dr. K on the Definition of Overwhelm 14:03 Expert Insights: Dr. Aditi on the Biology of Overwhelm 21:20 How to Feel Calm in Minutes When You’re Overwhelmed 38:09 The Real Reason Why You’re Overwhelmed 45:00 What to do When You Feel Overwhelmed  — Follow Mel: Instagram:   / melrobbins    TikTok:   / melrobbins    Facebook:   / melrobbins    LinkedIn:   / melrobbins    Website: http://melrobbins.com​  — Sign up for Mel’s newsletter: https://melrob.co/sign-up-newsletter A note from Mel to you, twice a week, sharing simple, practical ways to build the life you want. — Subscribe to Mel’s channel here: https://www.youtube.com/melrobbins​?s...  — Listen to The Mel Robbins Podcast 🎧 New episodes drop every Monday & Thursday! https://melrob.co/spotify https://melrob.co/applepodcasts https://melrob.co/amazonmusic  — Looking for Mel’s books on Amazon? Find them here:  The Let Them Theory: https://amzn.to/3IQ21Oe  The Let Them Theory Audiobook: https://amzn.to/413SObp The High 5 Habit: https://amzn.to/3fMvfPQ  The 5 Second Rule: https://amzn.to/4l54fah

Transcript

00:00There is a major difference between moments where you feel stressed versus when you feel

00:05overwhelmed. And our two medical experts are going to explain this to you. Dr. K is a Harvard-trained

00:10psychiatrist who specializes in modern mental health. Dr. Aditi is a Harvard-trained physician

00:16with an expertise in stress, burnout, and mental health. There actually isn't just one kind of

00:22stress, but two kinds of stress. There is good, healthy stress and bad, unhealthy stress. Stress

00:29is just pressure that you feel. Overwhelm is something different. You don't feel overwhelmed

00:34from dealing with too much. You get overwhelmed when many of the things that you're dealing

00:39with are out of your control. When you feel that sense of overwhelm, what's happening to

00:44you scientifically, we call it psychological flooding. When you are flooded with these

00:49big negative emotions. You're not crazy. You're not lazy. Stress and overwhelm, these are biological

00:57responses. The human brain is expertly designed to handle short bursts of stress. It's actually

01:05really good at that. The goal of life is not zero stress. It's actually biologically impossible

01:10to do that. So we have a really interesting technique that we use in psychiatry, and there's

01:15tons of research to support this. You're going to use these research-backed tools to be able

01:20to reset yourself. That's what we're going to do. Hey, it's your friend, Mel, and welcome

01:26to the Mel Robbins Podcast.

01:34Hey, it's Mel, and I cannot wait to dig into the game-changing difference between stress

01:39and moments of overwhelm and the four steps that you can take. And before we do, with world-renowned

01:44experts, I just got to say, my team just showed me this. Do you know 54% of you that watch

01:50here on YouTube are not subscribers? Holy cow. Can we change that together? Could you

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02:02that we're doing here on the Mel Robbins Podcast. It's also the best way for you to show support

02:06to our team, because we're always showing up here supporting you. I know you love these episodes.

02:11I know you love these world-renowned experts, and I would love for you to give the Mel Robbins

02:15Podcast team a little love. My goal is to get that to 50%, and we're almost there. So thank

02:20you, thank you, thank you for hitting subscribe. All right, let's jump in to this extraordinary

02:25episode. Hey, it's your friend, Mel, and welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast. I am thrilled that

02:31you're here. I'm so excited for the topic today. It's always an honor to be together and to spend

02:35this time with you. If you're a new listener, or you're here because somebody shared this

02:39episode with you, I just wanted to take a moment and personally welcome you to the Mel Robbins

02:44Podcast family. You've picked a life-changing episode to listen to. This is a really good

02:49one, because today you and I are going to go step-by-step through the four things you're

02:56going to do to get out of overwhelm when life feels like it's just too much. And doesn't life

03:01feel like it's too much right now? I know, I know. That's why I wanted to talk about this.

03:06I wanted to talk about this topic because so many of you are writing in from around

03:10the world, and you're using the words, I feel so overwhelmed, or you're saying, I'm

03:16so stressed out. And so here's what I did. I reached out to two of your favorite and my

03:23favorite medical experts who have appeared on the Mel Robbins Podcast. They are also medical

03:27experts that I quoted extensively in the Let Them Theory book. And what I wanted to figure

03:34out was, what do we need to do in moments of stress and overwhelm? And that's when I

03:39learned the very first mistake I was making. I was using the words stressed and

03:44overwhelmed interchangeably. And medically speaking, they're very different states

03:50that your brain or body are in. And if you're going to take control in moments where

03:54you're stressed or overwhelmed, first of all, you got to know the difference. That's

03:59the first step. You got to know the difference between when you're experiencing stress versus

04:06you getting to this moment where you're so flooded and beyond your capacity to deal with

04:13it that you're actually overwhelmed. Here's how I think about it now that I have spent hours

04:18and hours researching this topic so you and I could have this conversation today. Stress is

04:24just pressure that you feel. And stress sometimes can be a really good thing. You know what I

04:29mean? Because when you feel stressed about a deadline, you tend to get the work done.

04:35So it's pressure that you feel. In fact, the days that we tape this podcast for you, they're

04:40very stressful. And I don't mean bad. It's just that the days are like, go, go, go, go. We got

04:47an early call time and then the guests are showing up or I'm showing up and then we're getting

04:50the cameras ready. It's like, go, go, go, go. You have days like that, right? Those days where you

04:55got to get out of work or you got to get out of school by 3 PM because you got to get the kids to

05:00their doctor's appointment or you got to make that soccer game or you got to pick up your mom and go do

05:03something. Those days are stressful because you feel pressure. It's sort of like you're stepping on

05:09the gas, right? And you're go, go, go. Overwhelm? Now that's different. Overwhelm is way bigger than a

05:21stressful day. Overwhelm is what happens when that stress that you're feeling, that pressure,

05:28that go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go is building and building and building and building.

05:32And all of a sudden you've had too many days or too many weeks, too many months, too many years in a

05:40row. And now you can't go. You've hit this threshold. You've hit your capacity to handle

05:49the pressure. You can't keep up. When you're in a state of overwhelm, you can't think. You can't

05:57prioritize. Overwhelm means you just can't handle it anymore. Like that's kind of how I know the

06:04difference. Stress, I keep powering through. Overwhelm, I've hit the wall. And I want to unpack

06:10this so that you really understand why this difference matters. Let's talk about a work

06:16example. Stress is you're answering one email and all of a sudden, you know, three more come in and

06:22the stupid notifications like ding, ding, ding. And as the ding, ding, ding happens, you start to feel

06:28the pressure rising. That's stress. Overwhelm is when you open your inbox and you see there are 342

06:38unanswered emails and you don't know where to start. So you just sit there and you stare at the screen

06:47and now you can't even remember why you logged on in the first place. And oh my God, I have a meeting

06:53in seven minutes. That's overwhelm. Another example, you walk into the kitchen after work and driving

07:03your mom to a doctor's appointment this afternoon. You have all these emails that you need to answer

07:08because you were out of the office while you were doing the medical appointment. You realize there's

07:13no plan for dinner. There is nothing in the fridge. The dog is staring at you because it

07:19needs food and you don't have food because you forgot to buy it on the way home. And you just sit

07:24down on the couch and you start crying. Or maybe you don't even cry because you've reached this capacity

07:32where you can't even cry. You're not even sure what you'd order for dinner at this point.

07:37That's overwhelm. Overwhelm, it's a threshold, a capacity issue. Your brain just isn't working.

07:48You have no focus. You're a mo- Oh my God. You either feel numb. I either feel numb or I just feel,

07:56I don't know. I always feel run over when I'm overwhelmed. Like stress has this energy to it,

08:03overwhelm something else. I think this is personally super helpful to understand the

08:07difference. And it makes me realize I've been using these words incorrectly my entire adult

08:13life, which is 57 years for crying out loud. And none of us really understand this unless you're

08:19a medical doctor that studies it because medically speaking, they're very different states, which means

08:24they need different tools. If you use the wrong tools, you're going to stay stuck. I want you to

08:32just stop and consider right now. Are you feeling stressed in life because you feel pressure?

08:36Or are you feeling what I'm describing to you? Which is this, I've reached the capacity that I have.

08:45I bet if you're not feeling overwhelmed, you know somebody who is. And everything you're about to hear

08:51is going to be so eye opening. And the first person I want you to hear from is the extraordinary Dr. K. Now,

08:58Dr. K is a Harvard-trained psychiatrist who specializes in modern mental health. He's

09:03appeared on the Mel Robbins podcast twice. And every time, everybody just goes bananas over Dr. K.

09:10You may also know him as the Healthy Gamer online. He has millions of people that follow him on his

09:16YouTube channel. And so I reached out to Dr. K. He just has a way with words. And I said, hey, Dr. K,

09:21could you describe the difference between stress and overwhelm? And I want you to check out

09:26what Dr. K said. Hey, Mel, I'd love to help you make sense of overwhelm. Here's some stuff I'd love

09:32to share. When I deal with patients who are overwhelmed, they feel like life is coming at them

09:37way too fast. I have to deal with this over here. And then my boss wants this. And my kid wants this.

09:42And then this person is sick. And I need to do some back to school shopping. So life is coming at you

09:47and you feel completely out of control. You don't feel overwhelmed from dealing with too much. You get

09:53overwhelmed when many of the things that you're dealing with are out of your control. Being

09:58overwhelmed isn't about being too weak or not strong enough. It's about carrying too many

10:03challenges that you didn't choose and too few that you did. Okay. Dr. K, I want to highlight

10:12something that he said. You don't feel overwhelmed from dealing with too much. You get overwhelmed

10:20overwhelmed when many of the things that you're dealing with are out of your control.

10:28Just stop and think about that. Like in moments where you're stressed, you're kind of, you got the

10:33pressure on, you're cruising through things. In moments of overwhelm, it does feel like life is

10:41coming at you. And the reason why we say it feels like life is coming at you and then all of a sudden

10:46you tap out is because the things that are coming at you probably feel like they're out of control,

10:52whether that's the nonstop deadlines at work or the goalpost always moving in terms of what you

11:00are supposed to do in order to succeed, whether it's caring for somebody who's got a chronic illness.

11:07And so that's largely out of your control, whether it's the headlines, like all these things that are

11:13coming at you, I think that's such an important thing to understand that a lot of the things that

11:20overwhelm you are things that you didn't choose, or there's too few things that you did choose,

11:29meaning you're not in control of some of the things that are important to you because everything else

11:36has started to become a priority. And the reason why you feel out of control is because

11:41whatever that load is that's coming at you exceeds your capacity. You've hit the threshold.

11:48That's why the system shuts down. You just don't have room. It's not working anymore. In other words,

11:54overwhelm is like a total collapse. That's why the ways that you get out of a stressful moment

12:00are very different from how you recover from overwhelm, right? Stress requires a bit of problem solving

12:08based on the situation and the amount of pressure that you're feeling. And when you problem solve the

12:13right way, you always start to feel the pressure go down, right? And the stress alleviate.

12:19Overwhelm is completely different because you've hit this threshold and you really need to do a reset.

12:27That's why the steps that we're going to go through today really matter because it's not about

12:31problem solving. It's really about resetting your capacity to handle what you're going through.

12:38And we're going to do that at three levels. We're going to reset your capacity biologically.

12:42We're also going to reset your capacity mentally. And then we're going to reset this balance between

12:48what's coming at you versus what you're choosing. Those are the three ways these tools work.

12:55So the first step to get out of overwhelm when life just feels like too much is just to label

13:01what you're actually feeling. Because there's a difference between saying,

13:06I'm stressed out because I have to cook dinner. I'm stressed out because traffic is really annoying.

13:11I'm stressed out because somebody's laying a guilt trip on me and now I feel bad. That's very

13:17different than, oh wait, I feel like life is coming at me. I feel like I've lost control.

13:24I feel like my brain is maxed out. I'm feeling overwhelmed. So step one, label it. Are you just

13:31feeling stress or are you actually in a state of overwhelm? And we're about to get into the next

13:39three things that Dr. Aditi and Dr. K tell you based on the research that they want you to do

13:45once you recognize, oh wait, this is beyond stress. I'm actually overwhelmed right now,

13:51medically speaking. But because I'm not a doctor, I want you to hear from them. And so I called my friend,

13:59Dr. Aditi Nurikar to give you her point of view. And let me tell you about Dr. Aditi. Dr. Aditi is

14:04a Harvard trained physician with an expertise in stress, burnout, and mental health. She in fact ran

14:12the largest stress management clinic for the Harvard medical system. She's also the New York Times

14:17bestselling author of the five resets. She's appeared on this podcast three times. And she is

14:24the very first expert of 57 world-renowned experts that I cited in the Let Them Theory book, where she

14:31talks all about how to use the Let Them Theory to lower your stress levels. You love Dr. Aditi. I love

14:39Dr. Aditi. And so I asked her, Dr. Aditi, from a medical point of view, what is stress versus what is

14:49overwhelm? And what do you want us to know about how these different states impact your body?

14:59Mel, I'm so glad you asked. There's actually two kinds of stress. There is good, healthy stress,

15:04and bad, unhealthy stress. And all of the mental and physical health manifestations that you consider

15:10negative are actually due to the unhealthy kind of stress. So let's talk about the good kind of stress

15:16first. Healthy stress. In science, this is called adaptive stress. This kind of good, healthy stress

15:23moves your life forward. It creates a sense of forward momentum. Everything good in your life was

15:29created because of a little bit of healthy stress. Examples of good stress in your life could be

15:35things like getting a promotion or a new job, falling in love, having a baby, graduating, planning a beach

15:42vacation or rooting for your favorite sports team. The goal of life is not zero stress. It's actually

15:48biologically impossible to do that. The goal of life is healthy, manageable stress that can serve you

15:54rather than harm you. And so unhealthy stress in science is called maladaptive stress. This kind of

16:00stress is unproductive, dysfunctional, and gets in the way of our everyday functioning. When you say that

16:06you've had a stressful week or a stressful year, that's the kind of stress you're talking about.

16:10That unhealthy stress causes a lot of the mental and physical health manifestations that you're

16:15already familiar with. Things like anxiety, insomnia, depression, frequent headaches, abdominal pain,

16:21back pain. The list of unhealthy stress symptoms is endless. Okay. So I just want to make sure that

16:28you and I are both tracking. Dr. Aditi so far is teaching us that medically speaking, there's two

16:34different types of stress. There's the healthy kind of stress, and we've talked a little bit about that.

16:40That's the pressure, the go, go, go, that helps you get things done. It comes and it goes, and it's

16:45useful. But there's a second kind, which is the unhealthy. This is the sustained stress that starts

16:52to build and build and build, the chronic stress, so to speak. And so now that you understand there's

16:58kind of good stress and healthy stress that you're going to experience, I then asked Dr. Aditi a second

17:03question. And that question is, can you explain what's actually happening in our brains and in our

17:12bodies when we are experiencing stress? And how does this relate to the difference between healthy stress

17:19and what ultimately becomes overwhelm? And this is what Dr. Aditi said.

17:25Under normal circumstances, your brain is led by the prefrontal cortex. So if you put your hand right on

17:30your forehead, it's the area right behind that forehead. This prefrontal cortex part of your brain

17:35governs things like memory, planning, organization, strategic thinking. It's what you are a master of

17:43in normal everyday life. But under periods of stress, your brain is governed by another region

17:48called the amygdala. Your amygdala is a small almond-shaped structure deep in your brain. And the purpose

17:55of your amygdala is purely survival and self-preservation. It's cave person mode. You can

18:00function for short periods of time in cave person mode, but when it becomes chronic, that's when

18:06burnout can set in. When you feel that sense of overwhelm, what's happening to you scientifically,

18:11we call it psychological flooding. When you are flooded with these big negative emotions. And that

18:17feeling of being flooded or overwhelmed is powered by your stress response. That amygdala,

18:23that small almond-shaped structure deep in your brain that drives this emotion. The human brain

18:30is expertly designed to handle short bursts of stress. It's actually really good at that. But when

18:36that stress becomes ongoing and chronic and goes past a certain threshold, that's when that feeling of

18:43overwhelm can really set in. Dr. Aditi, I love that term, psychological flooding,

18:50because that's exactly what it feels like when you hit those moments of overwhelm. You are flooded

18:57in your body and brain and you hit this threshold where you just can't do anymore. You can't think.

19:05What I'd love to have you explain to us is what is happening in your brain and your body

19:12when you're facing kind of a moment of stress, that pressure that you feel, that's kind of situational

19:18versus what's happening when you hit that psychological flooding that's called overwhelm.

19:26When you are living in a state of chronic stress, your brain is being governed by your amygdala.

19:32Your amygdala by design is focused on your immediate needs of survival and self-preservation.

19:38That is the sole purpose of your amygdala. And that is what it does. So planning for a future,

19:43strategic thinking, organizing, all of these things are not available to you because those tasks are

19:50the job of your prefrontal cortex, which is offline when you're feeling a sense of chronic stress and

19:56overwhelm. So if you find it difficult to plan for your future, even in the most simple ways like

20:02making dinner or meal prepping for the week, this is why it's not a personal feeling. It's your biology.

20:10Oh my gosh. Did you catch what she just said? This is why it's not a personal feeling.

20:18It's your biology. Dr. Aditi, thank you. Because once you embrace the truth that these moments of

20:26overwhelm and even the stress that you feel, these are biological responses. This is important because

20:34it changes everything. Why does it change everything? Well, because you can stop judging

20:38yourself for feeling behind or weak or not able to handle it. You're not supposed to handle it all.

20:44Biologically speaking, your brain and body has a mechanism to go overloaded. We're not doing this

20:51anymore. I want to remind you, you're not crazy. You're not lazy. Stress and overwhelm, these are

20:58biological responses. You heard it from Dr. Aditi. Your brain and body are reacting exactly the way

21:03they're wired to because you and I, we're not robots. We're not powered by AI. We are human beings

21:10and you are designed to be able to juggle a lot of balls in life. That's what stress is for,

21:16the pressure, the go, the getting you to be able to pay attention. Overwhelm is when life feels like

21:22you're juggling knives and you're afraid to touch anything and you freeze because you both don't

21:27want to drop anything and you don't want to cut yourself. After you've labeled what you're dealing

21:30with, you're going to breathe. Now, don't roll your eyes at me, okay? Because we're going to use the

21:35biology and the science and the physiology of your breath to alter your biological state of

21:42overwhelm and stress. How cool is this? But you don't have to take it from me. I want you to hear

21:47why breath is the second step from Dr. Aditi. Check this out. The reason your breath can be so

21:54helpful as a first step in managing those feelings of overwhelm and chronic stress is because your

22:00breath is the only physiological mechanism in your body that is under voluntary and involuntary control.

22:07Your brainwaves don't do that. Your digestion doesn't do that. No other system in your body

22:13is under voluntary and involuntary control, which is why your breath is such a powerful gateway to

22:20resetting your stress response. Since Dr. Aditi just shared with us that breathing is a powerful way

22:29to not only reset your stress response, but also to help you get out of these moments of overwhelm,

22:35I'm sure you're thinking the same thing that I'm thinking, which is, okay, what am I supposed to

22:39do with the breathing? How am I breathing? So there's a specific form of breathing that has

22:45a lot of different names, okay? Some people call it cyclic breathing. Other people call it a

22:52physiological sigh or physiological breathing. I was first told about this type of breathing by Dr.

23:00Russell Kennedy, who is an expert that has appeared on this podcast. He's also quoted in the

23:04Let Them Theory book. And in order to simplify it, because I'm going to teach it to you right now,

23:09because I use it all the time in moments when I'm overwhelmed, I've given it a name I can remember.

23:14And here it is. When life's too much, just double in, then flush, okay? And let me explain the science

23:21behind this form of breathing. There's a lot of research coming out of Stanford that explains why this

23:28form of breathing is particularly effective in moments of overwhelm or even anxiety. If you love

23:34Huberman Lab and the work of Dr. Andrew Huberman, he talks a lot about this in terms of the physiological

23:41sigh. But the bottom line is, this has been around for a long time. And the clinical definition is

23:47cyclical breathing. And it was explained to me by Dr. Russell Kennedy. So when you're in a state of

23:53overwhelm, like your breathing can be really quick, right? And so are your thoughts because you're at

23:59capacity or you can be so kind of overwhelmed that you're not even aware of your thoughts or aware of

24:08your breathing. And that's because as Dr. Aditi just explained to you, your body's fight or flight

24:12on edge response is now activated. So Dr. Russ Kennedy, who calls himself the anxiety MD online, taught you

24:21and me this technique when I interviewed him on this podcast. I love it. And here's how you do it.

24:27Remember, when life's too much, you're just going to double in and then flush. That's it. Double inhale

24:34through the nose. Flush it out with one long exhale through the mouth. Now, if you repeat that cyclic

24:43breathing technique for a minute, you will feel different. If you do it for five minutes a day,

24:49the research out of Stanford shows it can reduce anxiety more than meditation. So remember,

24:55cyclic breathing is step two. You're going to label stress or label that you're overwhelmed.

25:01Then you're going to remember, I got to breathe because I'm in a biologically compromised state.

25:06When life is too much, double in, exhale and flush that overwhelm out. Now, I'm going to have Dr.

25:16Aditi come back on and now explain why this breathing technique resets your biological response to

25:27stress and overwhelm. Because basically, you are manually resetting your nervous system stress response

25:35when you do cyclic breathing. Let's hear from Dr. Aditi.

25:40Just as there are two kinds of stress, there are two kinds of nervous systems in your body.

25:46One is called the sympathetic nervous system. This is where the fight or flight response lives.

25:51And that is what the amygdala powers. The second system in your body is called your

25:56parasympathetic system or rest and digest. The fascinating thing about your brain and body is

26:03that these two systems are mutually exclusive. They can't be turned on at the same time. It's

26:08like a light switch. When the sympathetic system is on, your parasympathetic system is off and vice

26:14versa. Your breath can be the toggle between these two systems. When you are feeling a sense of anxiety,

26:21overwhelm or chronic stress, most likely you have rapid, shallow breathing in your chest,

26:28what we call in science, thoracic breathing. And when you are mellow, relaxed, and really driven by

26:35the parasympathetic system or the rest and digest system, you have deep belly breathing. In science,

26:42we call this diaphragmatic breathing. And the reason your breath can be such a powerful tool is because

26:48you can move from that fight or flight sympathetic nervous system back to rest and digest or the

26:55parasympathetic system simply by taking a few slow, deep breaths.

27:02I want to now try to explain this in just simple terms. I mean, clearly I'm not a medical doctor,

27:08but I've used this technique now in my life ever since learning about it from Dr. Russell Kennedy.

27:14And it works wonders. Have you ever had a moment where you've been so overwhelmed and crying,

27:19and then all of a sudden you're overwhelmed by your crying that you're like, and you suck in twice,

27:27and then you let it out? You did that instinctually because you were getting too worked up and your

27:36body was resetting itself. To me, this is the same technique, only you're doing it on purpose.

27:42You're getting out of that like racing heart and that panic state and you're double in and the long

27:51exhale. It not only feels like you're breathing out the stress and overwhelm, you are manually based

28:00on what Dr. Aditi just told you, resetting your nervous system back to the parasympathetic rest and

28:06digest response. Because when you double in and you flush it out, as you do the long exhale,

28:17you will notice that you drop back down into the belly breathing. This is a way for you to shortcut

28:25from that stressed out state and shift down back into the diaphragm where you're in your rest and

28:34digest state naturally. So not only in that long exhale are you flushing out the overwhelm and stress,

28:46you're also taking a beat and resetting. And I like to think on the long exhale about dropping back

28:53into the body. It is crazy how effective this is. Okay, so step one, we're going to label I'm stressed

28:59out because, or oh my gosh, I'm in a state of overwhelm. I've hit the threshold. I've hit the

29:04capacity. You now know step two is breathe because we've got to have a biological reset to the biological

29:12response of stress and overwhelm. And so when life's too much, we double in and then we flush it out.

29:22Now, step three is kind of another biological thing that we're going to do because one of the

29:28reasons you're probably feeling a state of overwhelm is because of all of this stuff that is coming

29:32at you, right? And so you've got this overload in your mind that I want to help you empty. And so

29:41after you've labeled what state you're in, stress or overwhelm, have done a biological reset with your

29:47breath, I now want you to go to step three. And let's do a mental reset. What is that? I call this a brain

29:54dump. What is a brain dump? Oh my gosh. It's as simple as getting out a piece of paper and picking

30:01up a pen and dumping all of that crap you're carrying in your brain down on a piece of paper.

30:08Now I can almost hear you. I can almost hear you say, Mel, oh my gosh, give me a break. Overwhelm.

30:15I'm going to breathe and do a brain dump. It can't be that easy. Well, let me ask you something.

30:20When you're overwhelmed, do you want a complicated solution to fight the overwhelm? I didn't think

30:28so. Life's already complicated enough. You need something simple to do that's backed by research.

30:34So if you really stop and think about what I'm asking you to do, I'm asking you to take everything

30:39on your mind that is weighing you down, that you're carrying around, that is contributing to the chronic

30:45stress, all of the things on your to-do list, all of the ways that you're making yourself wrong,

30:50all of the things that you didn't have a chance to get to, the reminders, the don't forget to call

30:55the mom, to pick up the prescription, to email Sarah back about the budget, to text your friend

31:00whose birthday you forgot, to sign the field trip permission slip and call the doctor and get a

31:05physical before the sports team stuff, to register for classes before the registration window stuff.

31:11When did we say we were going to go meet about that fundraiser or my friend's whatever? All of it.

31:16All of it. But don't just stop at all the to-dos. Get all the emotional stuff out.

31:23The awkward conversation that you are avoiding. The fact that you know that you are slowly,

31:30quietly quitting this relationship. The anxiety that your kids feel. The resentment that is building

31:37up with your partner because they're not doing their fair share around the house but you just

31:42don't want to say anything. The weird things that you ruminate about at 2 a.m., get it all out.

31:48Oh, there's a lot up there, isn't it? Like if you really think about the size of your head,

31:52it's kind of crazy how much you're carrying around. No wonder it's weighing you down.

31:57Get it all out. Get it out of your brain. That's the goal. And here's how you can do it.

32:03I want you to set a timer for 10 minutes. Grab a notebook or open up a dock on your phone

32:09or your laptop and then you're not allowed to edit. You're not allowed to organize it. Nothing.

32:14It's just like barfing on paper or on the screen. Everything gets written down. Every task,

32:21every to-do, every fear, every worry, every should, every conversation, every idea, every,

32:26oh yeah, I forgot about that thing. Here's one that would go on my list right now.

32:29Now, my sink has been backing up forever. Like it's been backing up for months and months and

32:34months. And every time I brush my teeth in the morning, I've got like four inches of water in

32:40the sink. This morning, do you know what I did? I had my curling iron turned on. I forgot that the

32:47sink backed up. And I literally set the plugged in curling iron into a sink full of water.

32:53Like I'm surprised I didn't electrocute myself. I have been thinking about this thing forever.

33:01I need to get it out of my brain because it's weighing me down. I just need to unclog the sink.

33:06I think about it all the time, but it's not going anywhere. That's an example. You've got

33:09thousands of those things that you're carrying around. And by the way, whatever you dump out,

33:15it should be messy because this isn't a planning exercise. This is a purge.

33:20The technical term for a brain dump is cognitive offloading. Let me hit you with some research

33:27about why this works. There was a meta-analysis done in 2025. That means they've analyzed a bunch

33:32of different studies and then summarized it for you and me that confirms that when you write things

33:38down, in other words, you get it out of your head, you cognitively offload. You reduce your mental

33:45strain. You improve your brain's ability to perform. Your brain performs better when it knows

33:52it doesn't have to remember everything. Let me tell you why. Because your brain is not a storage

33:57unit. It's a processor. And when you use your brain to hold onto everything, instead of directing

34:05it to help you handle everything, you are clogging up your brain and it's creating spinning and forgetting

34:12and shutting down. I want you to think about it like you open up your computer and there's a thousand

34:17tabs open. You've got a thousand tabs open in your mental browser right now. Your brain isn't broken.

34:25It is at capacity. Its storage is used up. It can't save anything on the hard drive. Do you know that

34:33studies have shown that mental load, it is disproportionately carried by women?

34:38Mm-hmm. I don't need to tell you that study because you know it's true because you're the

34:44one carrying the birthdays, the school emails, the dog meds, the dentist appointments, the emotional

34:48state of the entire family, everybody's birthday, the holiday shopping, the cooking, the planning,

34:54the cleaning, the folding. I'm here to tell you that it's real and you deserve to redistribute that

35:00load. And the first place we're going to put it, we're going to cognitively dump it onto a piece

35:05of paper. That's why I call this a brain dump. That is the step you're going to take because it

35:10gives you clarity. It gives you something to point to when you can say, look, I need help or I got to

35:17set this boundary. Look at all this stuff I'm carrying around. So set the timer to 10 minutes,

35:22dump it all off. And I know what you're asking, Mel, when is the best time to do this? Well,

35:26first of all, the best time to do this is anytime you've labeled the fact that you're stressed or

35:30overwhelmed, you've done the breath and you've reset your response biologically, and now you're

35:37in a slightly different biological state, then you can do the brain dump. But I did check into this

35:42and believe it or not, there's research on this. Baylor University did a study where one group of

35:48people journaled before bed about what they had already accomplished. Okay. So this is like one of

35:53those. So today I did all these things. The other group, check this out. You know what they wrote down?

35:57They wrote down everything they didn't do. So basically what was on your to-do list that you

36:02didn't get to? And who do you think fell asleep faster? The people that journaled about what they got

36:09done or the people that brain dumped all the things that they didn't do on a piece of paper,

36:13basically sleeping next to a to-do list for the very next day? The people who wrote the unfinished

36:21tasks, honest to God, that's the people who slept better. They fell asleep nine to 10 minutes faster

36:31than the group of people who wrote down what they got done. Now let's just unpack this for a second.

36:36Okay. Why would writing down all of the things that you didn't get to on a piece of paper before you go

36:43to bed help you sleep, help you fall asleep nine to 10 minutes faster? By the way, that's the same

36:50effect as some prescription sleep aids in clinical trials. I'll tell you why. It has to do with

36:57something called the Zagarnik effect. See, your brain hates open loops. Open loops are these like

37:05open tabs in your mind. It's all the things that you haven't done. It's the lingering ideas. It's the

37:10things on your list you didn't get to. These open tabs, these undone things, your brain's just going

37:16to keep cycling through them because it's afraid you're going to forget it. It's trying to help you.

37:22But see, when your brain sees that you and I just wrote, oh yeah, I got to buy Drano. I've got to do

37:28the birthday text. I got to make sure I do this. Your brain sees it all dumped on a piece of paper.

37:33You just cognitively offloaded it. It's like, oh, check, check, check. So if you're lying in bed

37:40staring at the ceiling, thinking about emails and errands and phone calls, the fix isn't lavender

37:44oil or white noise. It's a brain dump. The research proves if you offload the things you're thinking

37:51about onto a piece of paper, the Zagarnik effect takes hold and your brain can literally let it go

37:59and drift into sleep. Oh my gosh. Isn't that incredible? So now that you've put it all on the

38:06list, what comes next? This is the fourth thing. And it brings me back to Dr. K. Remember Dr. K at

38:16the very beginning of our conversation today? And he talked about the fact that overwhelm is when you

38:21feel like life is coming at you too fast and now it's too much and you just feel out of control.

38:27And he also went on to explain what's happening when your brain gets overwhelmed. Turns out when

38:38you're overwhelmed, it's because there's two different types of obligations that your brain

38:46is trying to process. Wow. And so Dr. K is back to teach you that when you're in a state of overwhelm,

38:57it has to do with the number of things that are out of your control that are coming at you

39:03versus the number of things that are on that to-do list that you actually want to do.

39:08I want you to listen closely because Dr. K is about to add yet a deeper layer to the medical state of

39:17being an overwhelm. And that's going to set up the fourth step of what you're going to do after you

39:26have taken a breath, after you've done a brain dump. Let's take a listen to Dr. K.

39:32When your brain is feeling overwhelmed, it's actually measuring two different kinds of things.

39:38One is something called a passive challenge. Passive challenges are things that happen to you

39:43without you ever choosing them. These are things like paying taxes, dealing with a spouse or child

39:49or parent who gets sick or other things just out of your control. The other really interesting thing

39:55is there's another kind of challenge called an active challenge. These are challenges that you

39:59face in your life that are things that you actually choose to do. So when you wake up on a morning and

40:06you say, you know what, I'm going to learn how to bake sourdough. This may require a lot of work,

40:10maybe a lot of effort, but it's something that you choose. Now, the really interesting thing is that

40:15whether your brain feels overwhelmed is not based on the number of things that you are dealing with.

40:22This is what a lot of people get wrong. It is based on the ratio of passive challenges to active

40:29challenges. When I deal with patients who are overwhelmed, they feel like life is coming at them

40:34way too fast. I have to deal with this over here and then my boss wants this and my kid wants this and

40:39then this person is sick and I need to do some back to school shopping. So life is coming at you and you

40:45feel completely out of control. The really scary thing is that when life is coming at you at a

40:50really fast pace, what is the first thing that you give up? You give up the things that you want to do.

40:57You stop working on your book, you stop exercising, you stop learning how to make sourdough because you

41:02don't have the time, which fair enough. The problem is then the percentage of things that you have

41:08control over in life actually decreases. Dr. K, that is fascinating because it's true that in those

41:20moments where you're overwhelmed, you do stop doing the things that you care about, which means the

41:25only thing on your plate is the bills and work and caring for your aging parents or the dog that's sick

41:32or the fact that you got to find a new, like all of these things that you didn't choose that are

41:37coming at you. So if you recognize that that's true, you're in this state where just so much of

41:46what you have to deal with every day feels like it's out of your control and also feels like something

41:50you don't want to have to deal with. And you didn't choose for your kid to have anxiety. You didn't

41:56choose for, you know, there to be a challenging job market. And now you're overwhelmed looking for a new

42:01job. You didn't choose the divorce. And now you're faced with all the things that you have to deal

42:06with. So what is the advice you give to your patients? Because we're already overwhelmed.

42:12Life's already coming at us. What do we do, Dr. K? So we have a really interesting technique that we

42:17use in psychiatry, and there's tons of research to support this, that if someone is feeling out of

42:22control in their life, the solution isn't to cut back because that's what all my patients want.

42:28They wish their boss would leave them alone. They wish they didn't have to pay taxes this year.

42:33The solution is not to cut back on what life is sending your way, although that would certainly

42:37make things easy. The real solution is to take on more active challenges. Start to take control of

42:44a single thing in your life. I'm sorry, Dr. K. That makes no sense. That makes no sense. I'm already

42:51overwhelmed and my brain isn't working. How is taking on something else when I've hit this threshold

43:00the answer? How does that work? Can you give me an example of what your patients add in? Like,

43:11how are you dealing with this in your clinical practice?

43:14When I work with patients who are in the throes of addiction, they're going through divorce,

43:19they're on probation at work, they have legal problems and DUIs, almost all of them start by

43:25taking control of one thing in their life. In this case, it could be, I'm not going to drink today.

43:30And as you start to take a little bit of control in your life, your brain feels less overwhelmed,

43:36and then you are better able to handle those passive challenges.

43:41I actually understand what you're saying. Like, if you take a step back, if you're in a state where

43:49life is coming at you and so many of the challenges that you're facing are out of your control and you

43:56didn't choose them and you don't want to deal with them, of course, we just wish they would go away,

44:00but that's not happening. What you're basically saying is that by adding something in that you

44:08care about, whether it's not drinking or it's every day I'm going to look for a job because I care about

44:16this, or whether it's picking up a book instead of picking up your phone tonight, what Dr. K is saying

44:24makes a lot of sense, that you've got a signal to yourself that there are things that you care

44:31about that you still do that are for you and your own sanity that make you feel in control. I love

44:39this. It actually, like, when he first said, I was like, wait, I don't think that makes sense at all.

44:44I'm not doing anything right now. I'm overwhelmed. No, no, no, no. Stop letting go of the things that

44:50matter to you. Add one thing in. Wow. I love that advice because it's so counterintuitive.

44:57So let me make sure you got this. The four steps to any moment where life feels like too much and you

45:05want to take control because you're overwhelmed, they're very, very simple. You now know the

45:09difference between stress, which is pressure, and hitting that psychological flooding, which is

45:14overwhelmed. And so you're just going to label it. Step two, we're going to use a biological reset

45:21to meet the biological stress and overwhelm response. And when life's too much, you know,

45:28it's the double inhale, and then you're going to flush it out. Third thing you're going to do is you

45:36are going to cognitively offload the mental load, right? And you're just going to do a brain dump on a

45:43piece of paper, 10 minute timer, dump it all out. If you do it at night, we can leverage that amazing

45:49research from Baylor. And you're going to, based on the study, fall asleep faster, which, oh, we love

45:56that too. And finally, I love that kind of reframe from Dr. K, that if it's overwhelm, you have to

46:06find something to add in that's important to you, something that you're going to do

46:13right now that you can focus on. For Chris, it's writing every morning, no matter what. For you,

46:20it may be walking every day, no matter what. It might be cutting out the alcohol or cutting out

46:26the sugar. It might be closing your laptop at seven o'clock when the alarm rings at night because

46:31you're practicing boundaries at work. It might be taking a lunch break today instead of standing

46:37around and eating your sandwich at your shift at the hospital or at school and really separating

46:44yourself for a minute. Because when you add that in, Dr. K is right, you will feel this little moment

46:52of control. And that's going to counterbalance all the things that are out of control that are coming

46:58at you. And based on what Dr. K said, those small moments of control help you be better equipped

47:07to handle all the other things. So those are the tools. And that's the science. And I want to give

47:15a huge shout out to Dr. K and to Dr. Aditi and Dr. Russ Kennedy for unpacking this really important

47:23difference between stress and overwhelm and giving us this detailed, deep, simple four-step guide that

47:31you can use anytime you need the next time life feels like it's just too much. And in case no one

47:39else tells you today, I wanted to be sure to tell you as your friend that I love you and I believe in

47:45you and I believe in your ability to create a better life. And understanding these key differences

47:51between moments of stress and the psychological flooding of overwhelm and practicing these four

47:58steps, holy cow. It's not only going to make you feel better, it's going to help you do what you

48:04need to do to make your life better. And I love that for you. All right. Thank you. Thank you. Thank

48:09you for being here. Thank you for sharing this with people that you care about. I can't wait to see

48:14you in the very next episode. I'll welcome you in the moment you hit play. And thank you for watching

48:18all the way to the end. Thank you for hitting subscribe. If that's lit up like a Christmas

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