How to Build the Life You Want (Even When You Feel Overloaded, Exhausted, _ Uncertain)

Mel Robbins

Order your copy of The Let Them Theory 👉 https://melrob.co/let-them-theory 👈 The #1 Best Selling Book of 2025 🔥 Discover how much power you truly have. It all begins with two simple words. Let Them. —  Feeling overloaded, discouraged, and overwhelmed? You’re not alone.   Today’s episode will show you how to keep going and explore new possibilities for yourself, even during uncertain times.   Mel’s guest today, Kellie Gerardi, is here to give you the step-by-step process to building the life you want.   Kellie is an astronaut and bioastronautics researcher who went from working coat check to leading research missions in space.   And Kellie doesn’t just take you into space - she takes you into the real-life moments most people never talk about.   She speaks about infertility, IVF, ambition, motherhood, and big dreams in a candid way you rarely hear discussed.   Together, Mel and Kellie walk through 3 truths that will change how you show up to your life.    In this episode, you’ll hear about:  -How to keep going even during challenging times.  -The question that changes everything: Why not me?  -Why extraordinary things aren't reserved for extraordinary people.  -You can become the person you want to be, but you have to act like it first.  -Why hiding isn’t strength, it’s self-destruction.  -Rules are made to be broken.  -People will judge you no matter what you do. Let them.   Whether you're going after a goal, discouraged in the face of setbacks, or just trying to get through the day, this episode will give you the motivation, courage, and tools you need.   For more resources related to today’s episode, click here for the podcast episode page: https://www.melrobbins.com/episode/ep...   Click here to get tickets to Mel's live tour, Let Them Tour 2026: https://www.melrobbins.com/the-let-th...  Follow The Mel Robbins Podcast on Instagram:   / themelrobbinspodcast     I’m just your friend. I am not a licensed therapist, and this podcast is NOT intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. Got it? Good. I’ll see you in the next episode.  In this episode: 00:00 Meet the Guest  6:03 Your Dreams Can Become Reality 10:00 How to Design Your Reputation 16:03 What Seeing Earth From Space Reveals About Life 25:44 How to Go After Big Goals Without Guilt 35:19 The Part of IVF No One Talks About 40:19 Holding Grief and Hope At The Same Time 45:06  Stop Believing You Have to Go Through Hard Times Alone 53:04 The 1 Question That Changes Everything — Follow Mel: Instagram:   / melrobbins    TikTok:   / melrobbins    Facebook:   / melrobbins    LinkedIn:   / melrobbins    Website: http://melrobbins.com​  — Sign up for Mel’s newsletter: https://melrob.co/sign-up-newsletter A note from Mel to you, twice a week, sharing simple, practical ways to build the life you want. — Subscribe to Mel’s channel here: https://www.youtube.com/melrobbins​?s...  — Listen to The Mel Robbins Podcast 🎧 New

Transcript

00:00:00Today's episode is an invitation to explore possibilities that you may have thought were

00:00:06beyond your reach. Astronaut and bioastronautics researcher Kelly Girardi is here to hand you her

00:00:14blueprint for dreaming bigger starting today. We've all seen images of the earth from space.

00:00:20You would think that I would have the words by now and I just don't. It's a forced perspective

00:00:24shift that you are such a small part of something so much bigger. Ordinary people can make themselves

00:00:32capable of extraordinary things and it is never too late for you to do that. You can rewrite your

00:00:39limits. We have astronaut Barbie dolls and American girl dolls and we want to make sure our girls know

00:00:44they can be anything until they grow up and become mothers with children of their own and then it's

00:00:50like how dare you pursue those dreams that we said were so important. What would it look like if you

00:00:57removed every single limitation that is currently in front of you or that you perceive to be in front

00:01:03of you and you take a look at your life and you think in a perfect world where everything went right

00:01:09what would my life look like? Oh well let's just launch right now. Hey it's your friend Mel and welcome

00:01:15to the Mel Robbins Podcast. Kelly Girardi welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast. Thank you so much. I'm so

00:01:27excited to be here. Well we're excited you hopped on a plane not a spaceship and came here and we cannot

00:01:34wait to dig into your story and the amazing things you're going to share. Thank you. I'd love to start

00:01:39by having you speak directly to the person who is with us right now and just share a little bit about

00:01:47what might be different about their life if they take everything to heart that you're about to share

00:01:52with us today and they apply it to their life. Yeah absolutely. I used to look at people and a success

00:01:59reel of their lives and I used to look at those accomplishments and those successes the ones that

00:02:05felt most unrealistic for me and out of reach and it was very easy for me to dismiss those and to write

00:02:10it off as extraordinary things are reserved for extraordinary people and I think the much more

00:02:16interesting truth is that ordinary people can make themselves capable of extraordinary things and it is

00:02:23never too late for you to do that and I think that's something that has helped me adjust the limiter

00:02:29on my imagination and it might be something that can help you adjust the limiter on your imagination as well

00:02:34to give yourself permission to dream bigger dreams. Oh well let's just launch right now. First of all

00:02:41let's highlight that that ordinary people can do extraordinary things. Absolutely you're capable of

00:02:47making yourself capable of extraordinary things. Did you always feel this way? Not always no and I think

00:02:54that's the power in training your mindset to think about it a little bit differently because I used to

00:02:59look at that and say that was meant to be for that person that was meant to be for her or for him.

00:03:05These are extraordinary people like success just falls on extraordinary people and the harder truth

00:03:11is that you can make yourself capable of that. I also loved what you said about that you can learn

00:03:19to adjust the limiter yeah on your own thinking what do you mean by that? Just that you can rewrite your

00:03:24limits you are capable of taking a look at what your vision board looks like today and then zooming out

00:03:32times 30 times 50 times 100 the only one applying the limit on that is you and so when I say adjusting

00:03:39the limiter on your imagination what I'm talking about is giving yourself permission to envision yourself

00:03:45in that world as part of that world it's doing those things that are so intriguing and motivating and

00:03:51inspiring to you and giving yourself permission to think about well what would it look like if I

00:03:56chased that dream or if I tried to find a path to get there. Well you know what's interesting is one of

00:04:01the truths that I extract from your story is that rules are made to be broken and in fact when you really

00:04:10think about rules and you adjust the limiter in your own brain yeah you basically start to ask yourself

00:04:17wait a minute who made up the rules anyway exactly and what I love about your story is that you are one

00:04:25of the very few women who have actually traveled into space and I just want to start from the beginning

00:04:33because you have an unbelievable story that led you to where you are today as an astronaut so let's go

00:04:42back to the beginning I was born in Jupiter Florida which is very on brand for someone who loves space

00:04:48and my parents did joke that I had front row seats to the final frontier right up the coast Cape Canaveral

00:04:54I had the privilege of watching human space flight and to have that in the backdrop of my adolescence I do

00:05:01think it made a big impression on me okay so let me just make sure for the person who's listening

00:05:05yeah that doesn't know Jupiter Florida okay so are you basically saying that you grew up in a

00:05:12neighborhood where you could look out to the sky and see the rockets launching from Cape Canaveral

00:05:17absolutely on a clear day you can see everything and it's extraordinary it still is I've never lost

00:05:23the magic of watching that in awe and so seeing that when you were a little girl were you like I want

00:05:29to be in one of those one day or how did that impact you it hadn't clicked for me yet that I could be

00:05:35a part of that and goes back to what we were speaking about in the beginning it felt like

00:05:39that's extraordinary those are extraordinary humans that is something reserved for extraordinary

00:05:45humans so while I had an immense appreciation for it I was incredibly inspired by it it didn't

00:05:51necessarily click for me right away that I could ever hope to be a part of something so extraordinary as

00:05:58space flight well one of the things I want to invite you to do as you're listening or watching this

00:06:02right now is I want you to think about someone or something that you believe is extraordinary

00:06:08that you have put a limiter on what's possible because you've said oh well that's extraordinary

00:06:13what they've done but I'm just ordinary over here and I think what we're going to learn from you Kelly

00:06:18is that there are ways that you adjust that limiter and you start to realize that you're capable of

00:06:23extraordinary things too absolutely and sometimes we don't even realize that we've applied that limit

00:06:28until we start to unpack it do you remember when you went from going if it happens to someday this

00:06:36will happen because as I was getting ready to talk to you I read this article about how you ended up

00:06:44having a job working in the coat check yeah of the explorers club and so I would love to go back in

00:06:52time a little bit from you're a little girl growing up in Florida you can see the space shuttle launching

00:06:59up into the sky you go to university you then end up having a job right at some famous club called the

00:07:07explorers club and you were working in the coat check can you put me at the scene of that moment in

00:07:13your life how old were you yes and why did you take that job yeah so this was college okay and the explorers

00:07:21club had stood out to me it's a scientific organization that is dedicated to explorers but

00:07:28its membership is so legacied the members were first to the north pole first to the south pole

00:07:33first to step on the surface of the moon first to the deepest point of the ocean just really remarkable

00:07:40boundary pushing and and I was captivated by that once I discovered that this club existed and I just

00:07:47wanted to be around those extraordinary people I was hoping I don't know maybe by osmosis that some of

00:07:53it would just rub off on me I had this intense interest in space and in science and these were

00:08:00people who were at the head of their fields and the top of their fields and so in college it's like yeah

00:08:07of course I will do coat check and I will say I was really good at it I had a system I took it very

00:08:14seriously I think that's another sort of just fundamental uh theme that I keep reflecting on

00:08:21my own career no matter what the job is in front of me I'm gonna try to give 150 to it why is that

00:08:27important because you have to seek the important work and not just the glamorous work it's like this

00:08:32is the work that keeps the lights on this being able to show that you are capable of crushing it for

00:08:39150 even when it's something that someone else might look at and say it's just coat check but

00:08:44it's not it's your ability in whatever scenario you're in whatever situation you're in to demonstrate

00:08:50your follow-through your attention to detail your capability to be given more responsibility that's

00:08:56how I looked at it well I want to stop and just pause here because I think this is very important

00:09:01the reason why that is important work is because you made it important yeah by giving it 150 right and this is

00:09:09a life lesson that too many people miss how you do anything is how you do everything right and what

00:09:16I love about this example and it's why I wanted you to share it is that you're in college yeah you know

00:09:22this is a passion you're not exactly following a traditional route right but you are putting yourself

00:09:28in proximity to other explorers because you want to be one yes you take the only job that you can get

00:09:35in proximity happily happily and then you destroy it by showing up and giving 150 percent and so I need

00:09:45to highlight that because everybody's always looking for the next thing and you miss the smartest move

00:09:51in front of you which is get as close as you can to the thing that you're interested in take anything

00:09:55you can do whether you're getting paid or not and then do a hundred and fifty percent you can design

00:10:01your own reputation if you put in the work to make it true that is something that I learned very early

00:10:07on every job that I've ever had I have sat down with a piece of paper and I have written out the

00:10:11adjectives that I want my colleagues to think about me everything even even at coat check I wrote down

00:10:17the words that are the adjectives that I want to be perceived as and what are the words so at coat check

00:10:23it was attention to detail it was responsible it was professional it was you know things in that category

00:10:29thorough you know someone who remembered your name and you know you made an impression on and then

00:10:34putting in the work to make those behaviors true and reinforcing them over and over and over again

00:10:39to build that reputation for yourself and so even when the opportunity is not necessarily apparent right

00:10:46in front of you I do think that I was putting in the work ahead of time to make myself worthy of one

00:10:53of those opportunities if and when it should arise Kelly I just want to stop and really highlight this

00:11:00point that you're making about designing your reputation this is unbelievably brilliant advice

00:11:06I want to make sure that you hear it I also want to make sure that you share this with people that you

00:11:10have in your life that you care about that are early in your careers because this is a genius trick and

00:11:16I use this in my business in my life too and I'm going to tell you there are two ways to do this

00:11:21that I do number one I always think in business about the outcome that I want like what do I want

00:11:28a person to feel or to do based on the thing that I'm launching whether it's a podcast episode whether

00:11:35it's a book that I'm writing whether it's the tour that we just did and then I just reverse engineer

00:11:41so you're designing your reputation by writing down the adjectives that you want people to describe

00:11:47you by and then that informs you on how to act you can do the same thing in terms of what you want

00:11:53the outcome to be in business I do the same thing in meetings before I go into a meeting I will say to

00:11:58myself what do I want people to say about me after I leave the room and when you start with the end in

00:12:05mind and you engineer the reputation or the outcome that now gives you the map for how to behave and this is

00:12:12such a subtle thing but it's something everybody needs to know and the other thing that I wanted to

00:12:17say is that if you're listening right now or you're watching and you're the one working in the coat closet

00:12:23or you're the one working in the retail job or you're the one who is working a shift job and you

00:12:29think it's a dead end it is not a dead end where you are is a beginning and if you engage in your job in

00:12:36a different way and you make it important and you take this advice and you write down the things that

00:12:43you want people to say when they describe what it's like to be around you even in this job in the coat

00:12:48check even in this job that you're commuting to right now you now take control you now are changing

00:12:55your reputation you now shift everything this matters so much and and I don't think people

00:12:59understand the importance of operating with this level of excellence with where you are now because where

00:13:05you are now is leading you somewhere and you've got a lot of power in that moment so thank you for

00:13:10unpacking that with us so just to kind of keep the story going you go from the coat check kelly and

00:13:17because of the fact that you have now engineered your reputation and you're showing up and you're

00:13:23thorough and you're energized you remember people's name and you're organized they then put you in charge

00:13:29of this huge fundraising event i was asked to chair you know their biggest ever uh fundraising event it's

00:13:36new york city's longest running charity event the explorers club annual dinner and the best part of

00:13:41this story is the full circle moment a decade later because i went from coat check to being appointed to

00:13:48the board of directors and the executive board of this club and it was just a remarkable thing for me to

00:13:55reflect on because i think it does validate i can create my reputation how i can put in the work to

00:14:01make that true and to know that there is a payoff possible in such a big way i love that you focused

00:14:09on what you could control exactly so you then go from the coat check to doing this huge benefit and

00:14:16architecting this reputation you're starting to get all different types of jobs in the meanwhile you're

00:14:23getting a master's at the international institute for aeronautical sciences and this leads you to go

00:14:30on and do 150 microgravity research flights can you describe what a microgravity research flight is

00:14:39my dream was wanting to open up access to space for the next generation of scientists and i thought

00:14:45that scientists can use space as a laboratory to benefit humanity that was always sort of the north star

00:14:50of my career and it led me to pursuing a field of research in microgravity otherwise floating in

00:14:56weightlessness and how that works here on earth when you're not in space is an airplane flies in

00:15:02this almost roller coaster profile where the aircraft free falls and then it pulls up hard again

00:15:09over and over and over that's where the nickname the vomit comet comes from and during those brief bursts of

00:15:15free fall you get about 20 to 22 seconds of microgravity of weightlessness and my research institute

00:15:23with our partners at the national research council of canada that's where we and our research teams we

00:15:28use those 20 second increments to study everything from fluid dynamics to human health but the dream

00:15:36of a researcher in that field is always getting a longer duration exposure you know your research needs

00:15:41not just seconds but consecutive minutes this thought of like one day instead of filling out proposals

00:15:47and you know for the research to get sent with someone else we as a science community as researchers

00:15:53as scientists will get to carry our research to space ourselves well that's so interesting that

00:15:59makes me think of another question i wanted to ask you kelly can you walk us through what it's like

00:16:04to actually launch into space for the first time so you know for me this was you know more than

00:16:12a decade in the making so i get in i'm like it's game time like i am ready i have an entire science

00:16:18team that is like counting on me to get the data this is my one shot i don't get a do-over like i was so

00:16:24ready and i felt good and i think i felt so prepared from the science side and i immediately realized that

00:16:32nothing could have prepared me for the emotional side of human spaceflight and experiencing that

00:16:37and seeing that view for myself once i got the data and re-secured the experiment and i got to look

00:16:46out the window and i got to really look it was just awe it was it was indescribable you would think

00:16:53that i would have the words by now and i i just don't it's this we've all seen images of the earth from

00:17:00space the difference for me was experiencing earth as a planet and just this deep and humbling

00:17:08realization that you're looking at something that so few humans in history have ever had the privilege

00:17:14of seeing and feeling both a part of it being outside of it and it's a forced perspective shift

00:17:20that you are such a small part of something so much bigger and then as a mom this existential

00:17:26realization that in that moment i'm not on the same planet as my baby it was mind bending and

00:17:33profound and that will be my mental screensaver until the day that i die how did it change you

00:17:38this perspective shift of realizing what a small part you are of something so much greater and bigger it's

00:17:47almost like a sense of relief in a way i know the the sort of like cliche of don't sweat the small stuff

00:17:53but for me being able to attach that mental image to that message has really helped me

00:18:00unlock just an inner peace it's like something in my soul clicked it's like i have just accomplished

00:18:07what i set out to do in this life did you have any fear no you know i had such confidence in the

00:18:15team and the engineers and they had transformed the cabin of the spacecraft into a suborbital science lab

00:18:20it was extraordinary but test pilot life had been lost in in the process you know years back and

00:18:28i i did i made sure to take that very seriously and i think the thing that made it click a little

00:18:35bit more for me is a few months before the space flight i was rummaging in our team's google folder and

00:18:41i found good day and bad day press release drafts about my flight those were never meant for my eyes but

00:18:47like any big event usually there are two versions of a press release drafted one where everything

00:18:53goes right that's the one you hope to put out and then there is an emergency version that is drafted

00:18:58in the case that something goes catastrophically wrong so you have something to put out so they

00:19:02have a press release waiting to go in case this mission fails and you're dead yes exactly and what

00:19:07was that like reading that it was i it was never meant for my eyes but the second i saw it was like of

00:19:12course i'm gonna read it and seeing in black and white she is survived by and seeing my daughter's

00:19:20name and my husband's name it still makes me emotional to think about but that more than anything else

00:19:26crystallized for me finally what this experience might be like from their perspective but it didn't

00:19:32it didn't change i still felt very confident and comfortable i wouldn't have flown if i didn't

00:19:39if you could go back 16 years and talk to that 20 year old that was working in the coat check

00:19:48what advice would you give her yeah first i would pat her on the back and be like it is a great

00:19:56thing that you're doing with those codes like you're crushing it um good work good instincts but

00:20:02i i would tell her that when you have big bold dreams in life that the trick is not necessarily

00:20:11figuring it out as fast as possible it's keeping yourself motivated for as long as possible because

00:20:20when you have these big high level dreams that are kind of like far out for the vision that you have

00:20:26for your life and they feel very far away from where you are today you need to be able to have that

00:20:32resilience to power through the ups the downs the plateaus the decades maybe where it feels like

00:20:38nothing happens to finally earn those moments where it feels like the decades happen and if you can

00:20:44do that and empower yourself through all of that you will find your way to the other side of your dreams

00:20:50what made you want to bring the world along with you online because one of the reasons why millions

00:20:57of people follow you is because you bring them behind the scenes of what it is like to go in

00:21:02space what it is like to do this type of research while married while having a family for someone

00:21:10like me as a woman in stem to be able to have this career on earth in research that leads to this

00:21:16lifelong dream that i once thought was inaccessible to me to suddenly live out over and over again and to

00:21:22have this new pathway i i like to show what that looks like because i think a lot of people can look

00:21:28at me and relate to she was just an ordinary person who was doing you know this this career and had this

00:21:36big extraordinary dream and this is how it happened and it is unique and it is interesting and different

00:21:44and it is going to represent a new era of access for the next generation of scientists so you mentioned

00:21:49that you're married and you mentioned also you know that you are a mom and you have a young daughter

00:21:54how have you really managed being a mom being married and pursuing this career as an astronaut and a

00:22:06researcher and these massive dreams of doing research in space i feel like being a mom is such a big part

00:22:14of my identity and i do think that visible representation of embracing those multitudes

00:22:19is important to show i have been surprised by some of the criticism you know that i've seen about

00:22:28things that i assumed we moved past half a century ago like this idea that a mother is somehow selfish

00:22:35if she prioritizes both personal passions or career ambitions alongside her family you know i was

00:22:44someone sold the dream growing up that you can grow up and be anything you want and i i did find it a

00:22:49little bit hypocritical with those comments i'm like this is the same society that insists that we

00:22:55want more women in stem we have astronaut barbie dolls and american girl dolls and we want to make

00:23:01sure our girls know they can be anything until they grow up and become mothers with children of their

00:23:06own and then it's like how dare you pursue those dreams that we said were so important you know so i i don't feel

00:23:12any shame i feel really grateful to be able to set that example for my daughter of you know i hope

00:23:18that she probes the boundaries of her full potential in this life and this one life that

00:23:23i was so lucky to give her it was interesting to look at all your social media because it is surprising

00:23:28yeah the criticism that you receive right really surprising like the fact that people are like

00:23:33you should just pick one motherhood or space as if you couldn't do both yeah it was shocking to me

00:23:39too you know on some days i'm like reflecting how far we've come because i do think about the fact

00:23:45that you know my mom was at my space flight when she was growing up women in the u.s were not eligible

00:23:50to fly to space but one single generation later she watched her daughter and then other ways we still

00:23:56have so far to go and so i i do like sharing so much of my career and my personal life transparently

00:24:04because i do want to reach women who are wondering if it's possible to both go after those big dreams

00:24:10that they have while building the family they've always dreamed of and i also want to reassure women

00:24:15who are perhaps made to feel guilty on those days or weeks when the scales don't perfectly balance and

00:24:22you know for me it is a juggle right it's like that's the honest truth it doesn't look perfect it

00:24:27doesn't look pretty all the time and i try to be really transparent about that i think that the one

00:24:32framework that changed my life a little bit with that the credit goes to nora efron for this but i

00:24:37use this analogy in my mind on a daily basis is that she said that it's like juggling balls and the

00:24:44trick is to understand that some of the balls are made of glass and some of the balls are made of

00:24:48plastic and the trick is knowing which one is which and i still don't get that right there are times

00:24:56where i try my best but i have assumed that certain balls in the air were plastic whether it was a

00:25:02research deadline proposal or a book fair at my daughter's school or even an hour sitting on the

00:25:07floor playing barbie dolls and those turned out to be so much more breakable of moments than i thought

00:25:13and then on the flip side there are things that i have assumed were glass balls in my life

00:25:18like career work opportunities or family rituals and events that i moved mountains to make work and

00:25:26you know they turned out to be not that consequential so it's a work in progress you know one of the

00:25:31interesting things about your story is um that you've got to learn how to not let other people's

00:25:41criticism get to you right and i'd love to dig into how you deal with it because you are followed by

00:25:49millions of people you not only take people into space and the experience of it the life of being

00:25:55an astronaut and a researcher but as you also talk about your incredibly cool busy job and people learn

00:26:02that you're a mom i am shocked by the number of people who are like what about the husband is dad not

00:26:08in the picture what is the criticism you fear the most like what's the one that actually gets you

00:26:13to stop motherhood related criticism i think because i care so much about you know my daughter

00:26:20i i think like it gets under my skin and when i interrogate it i i disagree and disapprove completely

00:26:27of it but if i think about and maybe it's not necessarily the one that scares me the most but it's

00:26:33definitely the flavor that gets the most under my skin like the criticism that i would be you know so

00:26:39selfish to to do this or that i'm you know somehow a bad mom for prioritizing all of my personal

00:26:46passions and it's so interesting because i do feel cerebrally so different and i reject it on its face

00:26:52value it's like no i do genuinely know that i feel very very grateful to be able to set this example for

00:26:58my daughter but in the moment when it's something that you care so much about that's the one that i

00:27:03constantly have a reaction to and i think that's why i've created so much content about it is because

00:27:09it sparks a reaction in me often and that's that's something that i have to um you know it's probably

00:27:16the one that i have spent the most time digging deep to understand okay how do i really feel about

00:27:22this well how do you really feel because it's interesting like i don't personally

00:27:28feel at all flustered or it doesn't get under my skin if somebody says mel you work too much

00:27:34you're selfish you you should never put your own ambition and your own dreams ahead of your children

00:27:40and to that i say i disagree yeah because the whole point of raising your kids is to actually raise them

00:27:48so that they can go on and create lives of their own i mean they leave right they go build their own lives

00:27:54and i don't buy into this notion that a that a great parent whether it's a mom or dad sacrifices

00:28:02everything for their children agree completely what i've learned and look i think mom guilt is sort

00:28:09of a universal feeling i mean you let me know if you haven't felt it but i think there are so many

00:28:15times where i have gotten up to leave and i feel like this was more of a chapter in my life earlier when

00:28:21these comments were first you know confronting me where there were mornings where i was getting

00:28:26up to go catch a plane and my daughter is crying and saying don't go but what helped me and what what

00:28:33i was able to separate was guilt versus regret because if i really didn't want to go i wouldn't

00:28:40go but i did feel like this was okay for me to give myself permission i was still crying on the plane

00:28:48because i was missing something that was important to my daughter and she was crying in the morning but

00:28:52i also knew she's going to be fine the minute that she gets off to school it's all going to be okay

00:28:57and i was able to distinguish between feeling guilt over that moment versus feeling regret about going

00:29:04in the first place and i don't feel regret and i never feel regret but the guilt i think is something

00:29:09that is still and my daughter's seven and so she's at the age where she can talk and emotionally

00:29:15manipulate and you know say her piece about you know are we going to do this are you going to be

00:29:20there for that are you going to be volunteering in the classroom so in those moments i feel guilt but not

00:29:26regret that's interesting i i think the way that i've handled it with our three kids is that um i

00:29:33think two things can be true at once yeah i think you can wish you can be in two places at once and you

00:29:38can choose which one you need to be in i think you can wish that you were not missing something and

00:29:46recognize that there are decisions that you are making that have a longer-term benefit that are important

00:29:53decisions to make and i think you can have your kids be disappointed by something and still show

00:29:58up for yourself and comfort them in having those feelings and i don't think you're human if you don't

00:30:04wrestle with or grapple with which decision is the decision that is the one that's right for me in this moment

00:30:14but i have really i think worked very hard to not take that sledgehammer that society has put in our

00:30:21hands yeah and hammer myself with mom guilt because it doesn't serve me and it doesn't serve my children

00:30:28right like when i feel bad about the decisions that i'm making that doesn't make them feel better right

00:30:33and so to me really wrestling that fact that two things are always going to be true there are going to be

00:30:41things that you do in your life whether you're a mom a dad whether you are whether you're not that

00:30:46disappoint other people yeah and the more that you create space for somebody to have the feelings that

00:30:53they have and to validate those feelings but to really double down on the decisions that you need

00:30:58to make that make you proud or happy or frankly there are just years that i had to pay the bills yeah

00:31:04absolutely you can cry all you want but i got to go to work right because if i don't go to work you

00:31:09aren't playing soccer we don't have groceries on the table and so if i feel guilty about that

00:31:14what good does that do exactly and so i guess i just often ask myself yes the feeling may be valid

00:31:22but does marinating in it serve me and usually it doesn't yeah and i i refuse to marinate in it you

00:31:30know i'm susceptible sometimes to being triggered by a comment even when i know it's a you know something

00:31:36that i reject completely but in those moments you know i either lash out or i move on and i i pick

00:31:42one i'm gonna fight or i'm gonna close it out how do you deal with the criticism like how do you not

00:31:47let it get to you you know if people are constantly saying you got to pick being a mom or an astronaut

00:31:52like why are you doing this if you have a daughter that's down on earth why do you keep putting yourself

00:31:58in danger like this that's not responsible how do you not let that get to you what i do try to keep in

00:32:03mind is like these are not the opinions being shared and the sort of like criticism being lobbed

00:32:09at me is not coming from people that i would look to for advice about my career either and they're not

00:32:15coming from people who have my best intentions at heart and so i really have to qualify you know that

00:32:21criticism before i let myself absorb it and that's been something that especially in committing to

00:32:27existing online and sharing so much i've had to draw that boundary and sort of put up my uh my little

00:32:33fence of protection to protect my peace and i i reserve the right to change my mind at any time

00:32:39that's the other thing it's like i my life isn't a town square and i think what's been really helpful

00:32:46in recent years is i found my people and so now i experience actually you know knock on wood

00:32:52so much less of that i have a community that sort of understands me and and knows who i am and sees me

00:33:00for who i am and you know who who support me through the ups the downs the plateaus all of it and so it

00:33:06makes it a lot easier to be transparent but prior to that when there was some of this criticism i really

00:33:13really had to disengage myself from it and remind myself like this is not someone who knows me who

00:33:21cares about me who is coming from a place of good intent nor is it someone i would actually be looking

00:33:26to for advice since we've been talking about criticism the thing that has helped me the most

00:33:31with dealing with it is this let them theory like it was such a game changer for me to understand that

00:33:38it's a complete waste of energy to even engage especially with people online that are criticizing

00:33:45you yeah because there's a big difference between somebody who's seeking to understand

00:33:49versus somebody who's seeking to tear down and the more that i started saying let them let them say

00:33:56what they're gonna say let them misunderstand what i'm doing let them make up lies let them do whatever

00:34:01they're gonna do because i can't control what strangers online or even people that i care about

00:34:06might say or think or believe about me as long as i know what's true and i know my intention i'm good

00:34:13it's so true it's so powerful has anyone close to you like really criticized or questioned the

00:34:20decision to go to space no not not in a way that was coming from bad faith i i would say there have

00:34:27certainly been concerns and those were coming from a place of good faith and i think understanding the

00:34:33difference of someone being concerned because they love you so much and they want the best for you and

00:34:38they're scared for you is very different than someone coming at you because they don't like you

00:34:44and they don't like the choices that you've made or the life that you're living did your husband worry

00:34:49about it he did i mean he worried in the sense of like of course like it's it's an anxiety filled

00:34:54day for immediate family but he was so immensely proud of me and so moved for me because he knew that

00:35:03this was more than a decade in the making this was my big dream in life that he always i mean he is

00:35:09like the cheerleader to the point of delusion in my ear on my shoulder like you can do anything you

00:35:14could run for president and i'm like okay slow down but you know this is someone who just cheers me on

00:35:19well one of the other things that have made you incredibly uh popular online is that over the past year

00:35:28you have been sharing very very openly your ivf journey so more than 10 million people have

00:35:37followed your journey and you know a lot of people are wanting to hear the good news but you recently

00:35:44broke the stigma by opening up about every single part of it including having a miscarriage earlier

00:35:50this year at eight weeks after an ivf transfer can you talk about why you decided to share this ivf

00:36:01and fertility journey with all these followers online because you're not just like kind of reflecting on

00:36:09it share for the person who's watching or who's listening the way in which you're doing it because

00:36:15you're doing it in a way that's very unique for nearly eight years since my daughter was born

00:36:21i have struggled with secondary infertility i have struggled with recurrent pregnancy loss

00:36:27so the journey of infertility and loss is not new to me but sharing it in real time certainly is

00:36:36and i think i reached this point where i was sharing so much about my personal life and my work that

00:36:42it felt remiss to not be talking about the 1000 pound elephant that was sitting on top of me

00:36:48in my life and i think that is such an insidious part of ivf is that it becomes so all-consuming

00:36:56i mean mentally emotionally physically financially no matter how full your life is this becomes the a

00:37:05plot and everything else kind of falls into the back burner and it's devastating sometimes when that

00:37:11happens this this podcast this episode in particular i had to cancel two times because of ivf events that

00:37:18were outside of my control first because the transfer timing got moved then because i had a miscarriage

00:37:23it's just everything in your life falls to the back burner and when i was thinking about sharing this

00:37:29i was thinking about the fact that this fertility odyssey is something that so many women

00:37:36can navigate invisibly and still show up to everything else in their life because they have to

00:37:42and i really wanted to destigmatize that and shed a little bit of light on this topic and what it

00:37:49actually looks like for someone you know that you might not expect is going through this and to show

00:37:54other women who are that they're not alone you know i always think about and i see this in your story

00:38:00this truth that hiding something or suffering in silence isn't a sign of strength it's a form of

00:38:08self-destruction yeah that the weight of the thing that you're not talking about slowly destroys you

00:38:14and so for somebody who's not um familiar with what it's like to go through ivf what are the kinds of

00:38:23experiences that you were documenting online yeah and sharing with people so for me you know

00:38:30the the first round of ivf and prior to an egg retrieval where embryos are made you have a round of

00:38:38shots that you're taking every single day where you're sort of mixing your own medications you're

00:38:43injecting them into your stomach you're traveling with your medications you're doing it on a very

00:38:48specific time your life is revolving around this and your hormones are completely out of whack you are

00:38:55at the mercy of the hormonal reactions that are happening as a result of these medications and so

00:39:01it is just everything is in technicolor in the worst way and then you go into your egg retrieval and

00:39:08you are hoping to get a high number and you know that that first time i did i got 26 eggs retrieved i'm

00:39:16like this is amazing and i felt so great about it and then the attrition starts okay well how many fertilized

00:39:22how many made it to you know five days to the blastocyst stage and then how many of those after

00:39:26the genetic testing and after all of that last round i was left with one single embryo and i was

00:39:34shattered i was so disappointed i was going into the initial transfer attempt where you hope that a

00:39:40pregnancy results it just thinking like oh my god please i have this one chance it's just so much

00:39:46anticipatory stress and then for nine weeks after there was this miraculous joy because i did get

00:39:53pregnant it worked and i shared that in real time you know with everyone i was really and i knew going

00:40:00in that not every ivf story ends in a pregnancy or ends in a success i had committed to myself i am

00:40:07sharing this transparently the good the bad or the heartbreaking and my community does make that

00:40:13very easy to show up in you know an authentic way so i knew that going in but at nine weeks

00:40:20i went into my graduation appointment from my ivf clinic that's what they call it they call it your

00:40:27graduation because that is the point at nine weeks where you transfer from your ivf clinic who has taken

00:40:32you this far to a regular ob who's going to carry you to the finish line and at that nine week appointment

00:40:37i go in and it's a very celebratory mood my doctor is in the room all of the nurses who have been a

00:40:42part of my cycle and my journey are in the room and i get in there we're starting the ultrasound

00:40:49and i hear just the deafening silence and i knew i knew in that moment my heart just dropped into my

00:40:55stomach i i knew it was wrong and the whole thing was kind of a daze from there because it was so

00:41:01shocking everything had gone so perfectly and this was a highly graded embryo genetically tested the

00:41:08ultrasounds to date had been so positive the heartbeat had been so strong it's like you know

00:41:13there was such a low chance that something would go wrong at this point and then you realize that

00:41:18there are always people who fall on the sad side of those statistics and this time i was one of them

00:41:25and i thought i was going to be leaving that room signing the door to the fertility clinic inside has all

00:41:31these little post-it notes that people who graduate you get to write a note of inspiration for the next

00:41:36person so i already had a little message in my head and instead of writing that i left through a

00:41:42discreet back door that i didn't even know existed in tears shared this update with my audience and

00:41:49there was no embarrassment that i felt about unannouncing not a shred i only felt grief i felt no shame

00:41:56no embarrassment and i i think so often you know we're made to feel like this is our private burden

00:42:07to navigate in isolation and i just rejected that i wanted the support i wanted to lean on my community

00:42:15because this was devastating and um you know i i did share in real time how did you feel about the

00:42:22people who said that you know it was too soon to share yeah that was a lot of comments about the

00:42:33timing and i think a lot of people assumed that i would have wished that i hadn't shared this in the

00:42:40first place so that i wasn't put in the position of having to unannounce it or they used my story as

00:42:46validation that like this is why we wait the 12 weeks but i have to say you know i've been in this

00:42:51position before i'm a mom of one but i've been pregnant five times and i feel like i have tried

00:42:57every permutation of this i have kept everything to myself and suffered an early loss completely in

00:43:04silence i have waited the quote unquote safe amount of time until after the first trimester announced

00:43:11only to have to unannounce later in the second trimester and i i really felt like there is often

00:43:17so much stigma and shame attached to that because we are sometimes made to feel like this is a private

00:43:23burden to navigate yourself and i just rejected that it's like this that's not how i want to live

00:43:30i'm so glad you rejected it because the way that i look at it is that because you have no idea how

00:43:36something like this is going to turn out for the first nine weeks you can either be silent and you can

00:43:42brace for disappointment and you can hope that things are going to turn out and then if it doesn't

00:43:48work then you have even more disappointment but bracing doesn't make the disappointment any lower when

00:43:57it happens or and this is the way that i choose to do things i actually force myself to be hopeful and

00:44:05optimistic and to live in the possibility that this is going to work out the way that i want it to which

00:44:12is why i tell people and if it doesn't work out okay then i'm disappointed but if you really stop

00:44:19and think about it those nine weeks are going to pass either way if the pregnancy is going to end it's

00:44:23going to end i would rather spend nine weeks living in hope and optimism and then feel disappointment

00:44:30then to brace and feel disappointed and not tell anybody for nine weeks and then feel more disappointed

00:44:36if it ends and because i don't have control over what's going to happen i do know that i have

00:44:42control over how i approach the uncertainty of what's happening and i just choose to be open and

00:44:49optimistic and if something happens where i'm going to be disappointed and sad and grieving i will

00:44:55grieve and be disappointed when it happens but not before because why torture yourself for those nine weeks

00:45:01why do that and obviously whatever you do in these situations whether you stay silent whether you're

00:45:07just open and optimistic and you tell people what's going on it's a personal decision and i

00:45:11want you to think about it in the context of friends and family is it helping you to stay silent and

00:45:16carry this alone or does it actually help you be in a space where you're optimistic and hopeful and

00:45:21full of support if you're telling people what's going on as it's happening that are around you

00:45:26because in the waiting i feel like i'm actually holding energy that something negative is going

00:45:33to happen not that you're causing it but i'm living in a state of bracing instead of a state of

00:45:40celebration and when bad news comes if it does i can grieve and be disappointed then but i don't want to

00:45:46spend all that time bracing for it and so i think there's something very liberating about not forcing

00:45:54yourself to follow this dumbass rule that you're supposed to bear the burden alone you're supposed

00:46:00to suffer in silence you're supposed to just brace until you get full assurance because there is no

00:46:07assurance in life and so i love that you did that and i wonder though how do you hold that in between

00:46:13space because you have been on this journey now for almost seven years you've had more than seven years

00:46:22you have had five pregnancies that did not go to term and you're now about two you're 10 days away

00:46:29right now from going into the next transfer how do you hold that space of grief and hope yeah so coming

00:46:39into this upcoming transfer i'm a big believer in mindset first of all just in in setting an intention

00:46:46and putting my best foot forward mentally emotionally you know i went going into the last

00:46:51transfer i allowed myself to get my hopes up and i don't want to deprive myself of that again this time

00:46:56i think it's helpful to envision success and and to really get in a healthy mindset let's unpack that

00:47:02yeah because that phrase i think is very dangerous don't get your hopes up yes why shouldn't

00:47:10you get your hopes up i i think it is an unhealthy way for me especially to look at this process and

00:47:17and to start that negative thinking so early i already have so much of that negative thinking

00:47:23with or without the hopes it's you know full of anxiety and stress and just nervous energy so

00:47:29the last thing that i want to do is start catastrophizing it before it happens i want to give

00:47:34myself the opportunity to get excited about it to envision you know everything perfect i i'm not

00:47:42great at that i will admit there are days where i spiral for hours on like trying to figure out what

00:47:49am i more afraid of the one where you know the transfer doesn't work from the start and i know

00:47:54immediately that i'm not pregnant and it didn't work or the one where it works initially and then i

00:47:59face another loss like which one am i more afraid of but what i need to do and what i end up doing

00:48:04is eventually i find that mental reset switch and i get back to the one where everything works

00:48:09perfectly this time and that's where i choose to focus my energy and really try to just recenter

00:48:15myself you know given that you've been through this five times and that you've done it a number of

00:48:20different ways you've told people you haven't told people you've like bared the burden alone you

00:48:24haven't you've been very transparent step by step shot by shot positive excitement devastation

00:48:33every step of the way just sharing as you reflect back on the whole range what have you learned and

00:48:42what works best the biggest takeaway that i've had from all of this and i think it applies to much more

00:48:51than ivf or fertility but the thing i've had to unlearn and really just internalize is sharing your

00:48:58struggles does not make you a burden to the people who care about you and it sounds so simple but it

00:49:06is relieving yourself no one wants to be perceived as the sad sack in the group chat or wants to be

00:49:12perceived as the one who's pitied you know when everyone else is enjoying success no one wants to

00:49:18feel like they're making anyone else walk on eggshells around them and i think that can be so

00:49:23limiting to kind of carry that burden when the reality that i've learned because the people in

00:49:28my life have shown me that the people who care about you are waiting for the opportunity to show

00:49:33up for you and to show you that they're there for you if they have the opportunity and so for me it has

00:49:40been such a blessing to be able to lean on the support of my community of my friends of my family

00:49:46to know that there are people some of them who i've never even met that are sending me prayers from

00:49:51around the world like what a blessing is that but even in your own personal life and there are a

00:49:56number of reasons why women may not share early whether it's related to their jobs or whatever's

00:50:02going on in their life but for the people who care about you who are in your trusted inner circle if you

00:50:09give them the opportunity to show up for you in the ways that you need it i guarantee that they will be

00:50:14there with empathy compassion and support and be grateful for the opportunity to show you how much they care

00:50:20about you what have you learned in terms of a big takeaway for yourself about the power that comes

00:50:28from just talking openly about everything that's going on in your life whether it's with people in

00:50:35your close circle or it's with friends because so many people do suffer in silence so many people are ashamed

00:50:44of what's happening or just feel stuck or upset or sad or grieving about it so they don't want to talk

00:50:53about it but what have you learned about the freedom or the power that you feel when you are able to

00:51:04just be open i am pregnant i'm not pregnant i got the job i didn't get the job i'm still devastated from

00:51:10the breakup like whatever it is that's going on right i think people attribute a lot of times you

00:51:17know they conflate transparency with bravery and think you know that's so brave of you to share and

00:51:24it's like it's not brave this is literally just my life this is what is happening today on a tuesday

00:51:31or a wednesday this is what i'm going through and it is wonderful to have that level of support you know

00:51:37and to be met with with compassion for that but i think it's a pressure release valve for me too

00:51:43to just be transparent and to stop feeling like i have to compartmentalize every aspect of my personal

00:51:49or professional life to be this to this person to be this to those people and to just be me and to

00:51:56have the people who are ready to be a part of that and who see me for all of me to be in my corner and to

00:52:02perhaps weed out the ones who you know aren't there for all of that i would love to have you talk a

00:52:08little bit about um because you just said something about the managing different compartments of your

00:52:14life so you've got this big career and all this research and these big dreams and i know you have

00:52:21another mission that is coming up in 2026 and yet here you are going through the ivf journey right

00:52:30how do you keep yourself pushing both things forward when they seem like they might not be able to

00:52:43coexist if we go back to what you said that ordinary people can do extraordinary things if we are able to

00:52:50stop the limiter find the switch and stop limiting the way that we think about things that we're capable of

00:52:56extraordinary things i think a lot of us stop ourselves because we say we can't have this and

00:53:02that right so how do you coach yourself to keep moving forward on a number of different things at

00:53:09the same time versus what a lot of people do which is just thinking they can only do one yeah you know

00:53:15for me my inner monologue over time i have trained to sort of help me ask the question why not me

00:53:26in so many different areas and it's not i want to be really really precise about what that mindset is

00:53:32because it is not the ego of i deserve this or this you know this will definitely i can do all of this

00:53:38it should be me doing these things but there is the quiet confidence of if i work hard enough for

00:53:44long enough why not me and i do think that that blend of humility and confidence has given me

00:53:52you know the ability to give myself permission to go after the entire vision board all of it and to

00:53:58not feel like i have to only stick to one quadrant of it at one time you know is it always perfect no

00:54:05it's not you know everything at the same time all at once i do have to toggle but that's that's a

00:54:10trade-off i am more than willing to make in order to have the entire vision board and i think that through

00:54:16all of the different failures successes hopes you know dashed made all of it it's like

00:54:24the same lessons that i've learned from my early career i also apply in my personal life which is

00:54:28that when i hit a brick wall i am changing my approach i'm not changing my goal and i think over

00:54:35and over again whether it's fertility that i'm dealing with it's like that ivf cycle was a devastating

00:54:40failure last time i'm changing my protocol not my goal and the same thing with work i have this goal

00:54:47i have this vision for my life and it may not be on the exact timeline that i originally imagined but i

00:54:53think that is the the essence of this power of mindset it's like this contradiction of humility and

00:55:01confidence because the hard truth is that so many people will never get there because they will

00:55:07either let their ego get in the way and they won't be able to mentally recover from the first or the

00:55:11second time that they fail or worse they will be so afraid of failing that they don't even try but if

00:55:19you can keep that balance of humility and confidence and keep that resilience through the ups the downs the

00:55:27plateaus you will find yourself on the other side of your goals eventually and then when someone tells you

00:55:34how lucky you got you'll be able to think to yourself i didn't get lucky i was just willing

00:55:39to fail more times than someone else was willing to try i'd love to expand this out a little bit beyond

00:55:47space flight right and ivf you know the phrase why not me for somebody who is leaning into that

00:55:55so they're going to take this framework that you've used why not me to really challenge the limiter in

00:56:00your mind okay i see something extraordinary well why not me right if you have the kind of brain or

00:56:06mindset that's like well let me tell you why not you you don't have the experience you've screwed up

00:56:11everything in the past you have no money you're too old you're too this or too that what advice do you

00:56:18have for the person whose limiter is arguing against even considering why not me you just show up

00:56:26just show up and start trying that was you know for me with social media it's like i'm not i don't

00:56:33haven't thought of myself as a creator and yet putting in the consistency trying it i never even

00:56:39thought of that world as being something that i would be a part of and then here i am thinking and

00:56:45watching all these inspirational people online and thinking to myself okay well why why not me i could try

00:56:50you know i could put myself out there is it cringy at the beginning yeah you know are you unsure and

00:56:55uncertain where it's leading sure but is it energizing me am i enjoying it do i feel a spark when

00:57:02i'm doing it yes so i'm gonna keep going and i'm gonna keep trying describe for me where were you when

00:57:07you were 20 years old i want to i want to know about the 20 year old kelly yeah so new york city

00:57:12explorers club hustling you know big dreaming just feeling like there's so many things in this life that

00:57:20i want to explore and it's almost like the stress of feeling what what if i have to choose one you

00:57:26know um so many things that i want to do and achieve and versions of myself that i want to be and i think

00:57:32the beautiful thing is i still feel that all of these things that we've talked about being an astronaut

00:57:38being a mom being these are all aspects of my identity and i still feel like i'm just getting started

00:57:46you know this is when i look at you know the next decade of my life my 40s it's like i reserve the

00:57:52right to completely reinvent myself i don't know what it'll look like it could be me spending all of

00:57:57my energy and time on my family it could be me starting a business it could be something completely

00:58:03unrelated to anything i've ever done but that i'm finding energy and purpose and drive in and i find

00:58:09that so exciting and so energizing so why do you think it's so important to reserve the right to reinvent

00:58:15yourself i think you know one of the things that i felt in the immediate aftermath of my first space

00:58:21flight was almost this sense of depression because for so long i was kelly who wanted to fly to space

00:58:29one day and then i achieved that dream and it was a little bit of an identity crisis immediately after

00:58:35of course there was the euphoria like oh my god dream come true but then it was like

00:58:39like okay what now who am i now what am i reaching for now and it took a beat for me to figure out that

00:58:47there are still higher stars to reach for and to give myself permission to like look beyond the horizon

00:58:53and know that my dream that i crystallized at 20 does not have to be the end all of my visual field it's

00:59:01like now i'm 36 and i'm looking from a different vantage point and there's more out there and i want to

00:59:07keep going after it so if the person listening has this sense like oh my gosh there's a further star

00:59:16out there for me but i don't know what the hell it is yeah is there anything that you do in particular

00:59:23that helps you figure out what you want to do next because i love that saying i reserve the right to

00:59:30reinvent myself and i don't even know what my 40s might be right i think a lot of people stand in

00:59:35the present moment and go i don't even know what i should be doing next week i don't know how to

00:59:38reinvent myself kelly how do i see a a brighter bigger more distant star for myself how do i dream

00:59:44bigger when i don't know what i want yeah what are some things that you do in order to help you

00:59:49crystallize where you want to go next one sort of introspection that i really like to take stock of

00:59:56in myself is understanding in the present what drains me and what energizes me because that really

01:00:03helps me decide where to spend my energy and if i don't have a direction in that current moment i can

01:00:10at least remove some that i know it's not this one you know this is draining my battery this is not the

01:00:16path that i want to be on something feels wrong and as i slowly start to sort of crystallize and clarify

01:00:23okay well what is filling my cup on a day-to-day basis when i lay awake at night in bed after the

01:00:28minutia of my normal day what is getting me excited what is my mind spinning on that feels

01:00:35exciting and energizing and what sparks inspiration for me and motivation and then being able to sort

01:00:41of navigate in that direction can really help you perhaps refine what that dream might be you know

01:00:47for somebody who's listening and they're just thinking well i'm too old i'm too young i don't have

01:00:53the experience to go after my dreams what would you say to them there is no age or stage where it

01:01:00is not possible to reinvent yourself and to decide that today is the day that i am going to let myself

01:01:07enter why not me mode that i'm going to double down on the bet on myself that i can pave you know new

01:01:14paths from brick walls and i think it's really important to just realize that these are possibilities

01:01:22that exist for you and make sure you're not applying other people's limits on your own dreams

01:01:28what's your message to the person listening who really desperately wants to move out of their

01:01:33comfort zone but they just feel so held back by fear you know i think you have to ask yourself like

01:01:40what is the actual failure that we're talking about here like what's the consequence is the consequence

01:01:46that someone looks at you and says you know that dream business that you wanted to start

01:01:51that book you wanted to write that project that you know everything what you want to do you didn't

01:01:55make it what a loser you know what is the actual consequence of you putting yourself out there and

01:02:00for me anytime i kind of interrogated that fear just a little bit it's like what are these people

01:02:06going to think if i put this dream out into the universe and people didn't see me make it it's

01:02:11like okay and if you can get past that and let other people become cheerleaders in your journey

01:02:17you know you might be able to create a little bit of serendipity along the way i think that's really

01:02:22interesting advice to to just take a moment and unpack the criticism that you're afraid of right

01:02:30because when you really do start to unpack it like what are they going to do laugh at me yeah what are

01:02:35they going to they're probably not even going to remember that i declared this if i fail at it

01:02:39what are they going to do judge me the fact is people judge you whether you're playing small or you're

01:02:43playing big and if you keep yourself playing small the only person who's judging you is you

01:02:49absolutely and if people are going to judge you no matter what first of all let them but you might

01:02:54as well play big since you can't control the fact that they're going to judge you and i think you

01:02:58shrink how scary the judgment is of other people when you actually examine what are you actually afraid

01:03:06of right and if you put it down on a piece of paper you recognize like it's not really that scary

01:03:13and honestly it's kind of ridiculous if what you're fearing is that you're going to look silly

01:03:19or look stupid because you chased a dream and you're not quite there yet like that's the other

01:03:24part it's like a failure is not capital f failure that is learning that is falling forward that's and

01:03:32and that's i think where so many people unfortunately stop you run into this first brick wall initially

01:03:38right and then you have a decision you can either double down on the bet on yourself and adjust your

01:03:43approach and keep going or you can retreat and say okay maybe this isn't for me and i think if you're

01:03:50able to sort of get back up again over and over you know and let people watch along the way it's like

01:03:56that that's the grit that's the success that's the resilience that gets you further and further i would

01:04:03love to have you speak directly to the person who has been here with us listening and learning and

01:04:10if they just take one action based on everything that you've shared with us from your life story the

01:04:18lessons learned the mistakes that you've made the truths that we've talked about what do you think

01:04:23the most important thing is that they should do the most important thing that i think you should do

01:04:31is give yourself permission to reach a little bit higher than you've been reaching to date to dream

01:04:37just a little bit bigger what's beyond that next goal you've got one thing in mind right now play that

01:04:43out to the nth a hundred x zoom out and what would it look like if you removed every single limitation

01:04:51that is currently in front of you or that you perceive to be in front of you and you take a look at

01:04:56your life and you think in a perfect world where everything went right what would my life look like

01:05:02how would my time be spent how would my energy be spent what would my days look like and give yourself

01:05:08a little bit of permission to dream that for yourself and to take those initial steps into thinking

01:05:13okay well if i work hard enough for long enough at this particular thing why not me and you'll be able to

01:05:20double down that bet on yourself kelly what are your parting words you're capable of making yourself

01:05:27capable of extraordinary things and it is never too late for you to do that i love that kelly because

01:05:35it is so true absolutely every person that you see doing something that you think is extraordinary

01:05:41the only difference between them and where you are right now is they actually got started and based on

01:05:46everything that you shared with us today and especially those three words why not me you've

01:05:51got kelly's blueprint for not only dreaming bigger but actually starting to take the actions that will

01:05:58turn it into your reality kelly gerardi thank you so much for being here today thank you so much and

01:06:04thank you for being here thank you for taking the time to listen to something that is going to help you

01:06:08and the people that you love see a bigger possibility for your life and i hope everything that you

01:06:14learn today will also help you start to create the blueprint to turn it into your reality and in

01:06:20case nobody else tells you i wanted to be sure to tell you that as your friend i love you and i believe

01:06:25in you and i believe in your ability to not only see a bigger possibility but to create a better life

01:06:31all righty i'll be waiting for you in the very next episode i'm going to welcome you in the moment you

01:06:35hit play so i'll see you there and i want to thank you for watching all the way to the end here on youtube i

01:06:41love that you watch and share these videos and i want to thank you thank you for spending time

01:06:47watching something that's going to help you improve your life i think that's so cool and

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01:07:12next and i'll be waiting to welcome you in the moment you hit play i'll see you there

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