La loca historia de los tres mosqueteros 1983 HD 1080 Completa Martes y 13

Retroscreen Movies Revival

Reparto: Martes y trece, Josema Yuste, Millán Salcedo, Fernando Conde, Antonio Ozores, Nadiuska, Paloma Hurtado, Jose Lifante, Rafaela Aparicio, Juanjo Menéndez, Adriana Ozores, Emma Ozores, Valeriano Andrés   Director: Mariano Ozores   Francia, siglo XVII. El Cardenal Richelieu, ministro del rey Luis XIII, odia a muerte a Ana de Austria, la Reina de Francia. Ana, que es un poco ligera de cascos, le ha entregado al Duque de Buckingham un liguero de pedrería, que le había regalado su esposo el Rey. Aprovechando la situación, Richelieu organiza una fiesta palaciega con la perversa intención de deshonrar a la Reina, pues no podrá lucir la joya. Ante el aprieto de la Reina, su fiel servidora Constanza recurre a los Mosqueteros para que vayan a Londres a recuperar el liguero. Sin embargo, antes de hacérselo llegar a la Reina, tendrán que luchar encarnizadamente contra los hombres del Cardenal Richelieu.

Transcript

00:00:30It also suits this book.

00:00:31Oh! They're destroying it, master.

00:00:34They say that The Three Musketeers is a drama that is not interesting to anyone.

00:00:37and that you are not going to earn a single penny.

00:00:40Furthermore, they add that this Dardañan is unnecessary in the story.

00:00:43Let's see.

00:00:44Why do they call them the three musketeers if they are four later?

00:00:47that terror, that terror, that terror.

00:00:51Malgralui.

00:00:51What does Malgralui mean?

00:00:53I don't know, we French always say that.

00:00:54Yeah, go on, okay.

00:00:57And what do I do with the visitor waiting in the room next door?

00:01:00Who is it?

00:01:00I don't know. He says he's from Spain.

00:01:02Spain? Spain? Is it a Spain? What is Spain?

00:01:05It is something that is below the Pyrenees

00:01:07and that we have it to prevent the Moors from reaching Paris, Sur Seine.

00:01:10Ah! Wii! Very Wii.

00:01:12He'll probably be dark-skinned, short, and angry.

00:01:14Go on, tell him to come in.

00:01:15Good.

00:01:17Damn, those boots! They make so much noise!

00:01:20Sir! You came in and olé!

00:01:23Good morning, good morning. It's very kind of you to the croupier. Thank you.

00:01:26Oh!

00:01:26How are you leaving, Monsieur Dimas?

00:01:30Oh, me vus!

00:01:32Oh, me vus!

00:01:33No, no, my hand is mine to write with.

00:01:35I know.

00:01:36So, now you are you, without a ruble.

00:01:37In the meantime, Mr. Dupont, please make a clean copy of these pages.

00:01:41Well, you say, monsieur.

00:01:43You see, I, in reality, we think, we want, we are of the opinion that your work, literary work, you understand, is absolutely magnificent.

00:01:53And so we have democratically decided to purchase the rights to his work.

00:01:59Work called The Three, The Three Musketeers, The Three Musketeers.

00:02:06So that our specialist film technicians can then take it and transfer it, transfer it, adapt it to film.

00:02:14Ah! Brilliant idea!

00:02:17Why hasn't anyone thought of making a movie about The Three Musketeers before?

00:02:20It's an original idea.

00:02:23Not bad.

00:02:24And apart from the prayer about the money that Bu is going to donate to me, who would play The Three Musketeers?

00:02:30Well, we thought the perfect performers for this film would be Tuesday and thirteen.

00:02:40Ah! Tuesday the 13th, he said!

00:02:43Yes, Tuesday the 13th.

00:02:45Impossible! I hate Tuesday the 13th.

00:02:47But why, Don Ale?

00:02:48They're crazy! They're freaks!

00:02:50And what they do is absurd and no one else in the world does it.

00:02:53Well, that's why we hired them, because they're the best.

00:02:57Thank you so much.

00:02:59Don't applaud, please, at the end, when they finish, you know, there will be time, don't worry.

00:03:05Let's go on, let's go on.

00:03:07We refuse to do that.

00:03:10Why who? Who will write the script? Who will direct the film?

00:03:13Alonso Millán and Mariano Zonis.

00:03:15Worse?

00:03:16Much worse.

00:03:18This is so crazy...

00:03:19Out!

00:03:20Dorgo out of here, I said!

00:03:22I will never give permission to make that movie!

00:03:23Get out of here!

00:03:25Dargo, you immaculate!

00:03:27Out!

00:03:27Why is it believed!

00:03:28Man!

00:03:29Dorgo!

00:03:30Out!

00:03:31This is outrageous!

00:03:33What are these modern machines like?

00:03:41Why is it believed!

00:03:42Out!

00:03:43Out!

00:03:44Out!

00:03:45Out!

00:03:45Thank you!

00:04:15Thank you!

00:04:45Thank you!

00:05:15Thank you!

00:05:17Thank you!

00:05:19D 게ste he地!

00:05:23Oh, Connie!

00:05:25Thank you!

00:05:27Holy shit!

00:05:29Thank you!

00:05:30Thank you!

00:05:35Thank you!

00:05:37Come on...

00:05:39and ours is much better.

00:05:42We're doing very well.

00:05:43Tres Jolí, like every year, everything very abundant and very well served.

00:05:45Did you like it, Ana?

00:05:46To me, yes, but I find it all very French.

00:05:50Don't forget that I am the daughter of Philip II of Spain and I like sobriety a lot.

00:05:55Yes, Macheri.

00:05:56Cardinal Richelieu.

00:05:57Send.

00:05:58You won't say that my musketeers are not martial?

00:06:01They are, your majesty.

00:06:02But my guards are no slouch either.

00:06:05Estonia.

00:06:05And by the way, don't forget that next week we're celebrating the race festival at the palace.

00:06:10And of course, it would be silly for me to say that about the French race.

00:06:13But I hope this time the whiskey isn't from a bottle.

00:06:15No, it won't be.

00:06:17I was saying, I'm telling you, that at that party I hope the queen wears the diamond garter designed by Dalí, which you gave her.

00:06:25The glitter garter.

00:06:28What a load of rubbish!

00:06:30No, it is important, Your Majesty, because the people must know that the king spends the taxpayers' d'Arjan on useful things.

00:06:36Yes, that's right, Ana. You might think I spend my d'Arjan on roads, bridges and all that nonsense.

00:06:43Sure, yes, we can see your true colors.

00:06:46To this one, of course, there is our...

00:06:48Come on, in fact, we can already see you.

00:06:52That is why it is essential that the queen attend this party wearing the diamond ring.

00:06:57This one is going to sting.

00:06:58There's nothing more to say. The queen will be wearing the famous diamond garter.

00:07:03That's it!

00:07:03Attention, attention. The special award for the best musketeer is about to be presented.

00:07:10The prize will be presented by Monsieur de Treville, the chief of the King's Musketeers, and Miss Brigitte Scarcot, vocation His Seals.

00:07:22The four nominees this year are the musketeers Atos, Portos and Aramis, who are three, but who have always been four.

00:07:33What an exciting moment!

00:07:38The winner is Aramis!

00:07:41Oh, that's scary, man!

00:07:45This moment is the most very important moment of my life.

00:08:00I don't know what you think, that I...

00:08:02Don't know.

00:08:03I want to thank my colleagues, because without their help, this Oscar would have been impossible to win...

00:08:09Oscar, huh, is that true?

00:08:10I want to speak, thank you, thank you very much, Stephen Allende, because I sell a postation, a paste, and everything more.

00:08:18Thank you, thank you very much. Much more, much more than before.

00:08:21He speaks English like a charm.

00:08:22Thank you, thank you, thank you.

00:08:24Aramis, Aramis, Aramis with a lame knot, there is no one like Aramis.

00:08:33Damn, pig, swine, that Richelieu is the devil.

00:08:37Your Majesty, who is a cardinal of the Catholic Church and we are Spanish.

00:08:42You're right, Constanza, isn't it?

00:08:43But he's a son of a...

00:08:46Today, Your Majesty.

00:08:47He is a son of his parents.

00:08:50But what do I do? What do I do?

00:08:52But, Your Majesty, you don't have the diamond garter.

00:08:55Daughter, you don't look Spanish.

00:08:58You don't understand anything.

00:09:00I don't have it.

00:09:01You have pawned it.

00:09:03Constanza, baby, explain to your slow little sister what the problem is.

00:09:09Robus, our gracious Majesty.

00:09:12Take a bow.

00:09:13Oh, reverence.

00:09:14The daughter of Philip II is a sensitive, sweet, loving lady.

00:09:20I've noticed it.

00:09:20And our king Luis Trez y Pico, may God save him, for that is how it is...

00:09:25Like a block, like a lead, like a beating.

00:09:28Me too...

00:09:28Oh, oh!

00:09:31Mine!

00:09:33Touch!

00:09:35No, but play, play hard, without forcing yourself.

00:09:37Play, play, you playing, playing, playing.

00:09:39Tough, huh?

00:09:40Yeah.

00:09:40Well, the king doesn't even know if I have a thigh.

00:09:43That's why our queen, constantly in need of affection, sweetness, and tenderness, gave herself body and soul, more body than soul, to the Duke of Buckingham.

00:09:54Oh, now I understand!

00:09:56The lady is a queen of life, go on.

00:09:58More like a bit of a slut.

00:10:00Pulling noses!

00:10:01I'm the queen, I do what I want!

00:10:02Or I'll tell on my father Felipe and he'll send them the invincible and the Scoña alive.

00:10:05Well, what does the fact that the queen, exercising her royal right, sleeps with whomever she wants have to do with the diamond garter?

00:10:13The service in Paris is very bad and they have to hire Spanish maids, but you, you're a little late.

00:10:19The Queen's garter has been kept by the Duke of Buckingham.

00:10:23Oh, right.

00:10:24And why?

00:10:24Because he told me, go on, queen, take off everything you're wearing.

00:10:30And since I was only wearing my garter belt at that moment, I took it off and forgot it in his London palace.

00:10:36Well, His Majesty has gotten himself into a real mess.

00:10:39Yes, yes, but what do I do? What do I do?

00:10:41Send someone to London?

00:10:43Ah, for the garter.

00:10:45But who? Who could it be? Who is confident enough?

00:10:50I have already written to the Chevalier d'Artagnan, who is a handsome man and skilled with the sword,

00:10:55that I met in the shack, in a house where I was a Filipino maid before entering your service.

00:11:01And will he come?

00:11:01Oh, and if he doesn't come, I can tell Mr. Portos, who is a musketeer I met while spending the summer in Terremolinos.

00:11:07He is also very skillful, yesque, yesque, and sinister, snap, snap.

00:11:09Then bring them to me quickly. Whoever arrives first, I'll give them whatever reward they want.

00:11:13Oh, if Portos comes, what he wants is meat. He likes a hot chick more than a fool or a seat.

00:11:18Well, bring him here, and if he's handsome and wants my thighs, I'll give them to him.

00:11:24He who makes one basket, makes a hundred.

00:11:37Look at that famous milaide. How's she doing?

00:11:40Tremendous.

00:11:43She carries a princess inside.

00:11:46Whoever catches it goes to him! Come on, sir!

00:11:47This remote control thing for freezing the image is great.

00:12:00Oh, moncheri, oh. The choices couldn't be better.

00:12:04Our lord the king, whom I venerate and respect, but who is as cuckold as an inn, has taken the bait.

00:12:09The queen will have to wear the glittering garter.

00:12:11And that? What is that?

00:12:12Well, it means taking out the famous diamond garter belt designed by Dalí.

00:12:16Are you in London?

00:12:17Oh, moncheri, your name suits you so well.

00:12:19Mamon of the Reur.

00:12:21The garter was in London.

00:12:23Oh, it's not there anymore?

00:12:24No, he's coming through that door.

00:12:27Oh, my dear Richie!

00:12:29Milaide, do not call me that, it disgraces my cassocks,

00:12:32which means that it reaches my heels.

00:12:34Kiss my ring.

00:12:35But that's what it's for.

00:12:36Kiss my ring, there are television cameras everywhere.

00:12:38This war does not stop.

00:12:40Sit down.

00:12:45This is my right-hand man, Reur bastard.

00:12:47Milaide.

00:12:48From the suckers from the north?

00:12:49No, Milaide.

00:12:50From the south.

00:12:52Well, it's the same.

00:12:52There are assholes everywhere.

00:12:54And you can say it like that.

00:12:54Is there a small glass of stimulant?

00:12:56What are the poisoned ones?

00:12:58Well, everyone, naturally.

00:12:59Then I pass.

00:13:01Well, once the social ritual is complete...

00:13:04Lift up your skirts.

00:13:06Eminence!

00:13:07Richie!

00:13:07I wish I had put on the glitter garter belt you went to London to get back.

00:13:12Because you're not going to tell me that you don't have the liguar.

00:13:16I went to London and tied myself to the Duke as you ordered.

00:13:18Very good.

00:13:19Which by the way, cardinal.

00:13:20What a man!

00:13:22I almost excuse the queen.

00:13:23He's as handsome as they say.

00:13:25Wow, what a vein!

00:13:26Bad girl!

00:13:26It's beautiful!

00:13:28And there's a certain something about it.

00:13:30I do know what.

00:13:31Okay, okay.

00:13:32It's great.

00:13:32And the garter?

00:13:34I didn't get it.

00:13:35So, have you failed?

00:13:37Not quite.

00:13:38I reached into the display case where he keeps it and pulled this out.

00:13:42Let's see.

00:13:43Go on.

00:13:46And what is this crap?

00:13:47Two league titles.

00:13:48And what do we do with that?

00:13:50One moment.

00:13:53The garters have four garters, right?

00:13:56That means that if the queen were to recover the garter, something we are going to prevent at all costs,

00:14:01I would go with a half drop.

00:14:05Not bad after all.

00:14:07What do you want?

00:14:07Gems, honors...

00:14:08Better dollars, which keep rising.

00:14:10Okay.

00:14:11Mamoncetes and buple.

00:14:14Count them.

00:14:17I trust you, Richie.

00:14:18But for the next mission I will ask you for a bigger reward.

00:14:22Clear.

00:14:23You already know.

00:14:24Bye, old man.

00:14:26May the devil be with you.

00:14:27See you around.

00:14:37Bye bye.

00:14:38And now, if when the king finds out that the Duke of Buckingham is sleeping with his wife

00:14:43He doesn't declare war on England, he's just a jerk.

00:14:48And you, Your Eminence, why do you want France to declare war on England?

00:14:53Well, apart from the fact that it was written by Alexandre Dumas, for fuck's sake, boy, for fuck's sake.

00:15:02To the best musketeer.

00:15:04For the best.

00:15:06In Aramis you were colossal.

00:15:08It doesn't matter.

00:15:10How could it not?

00:15:11Everyone is talking about you in Paris.

00:15:13If it weren't for my two companions, nothing would have ever happened.

00:15:17It's that we are three, but we seem like one.

00:15:19And we have always been four.

00:15:21We need a motto.

00:15:24What do you think of this one?

00:15:27All for one.

00:15:28Short, I see it short.

00:15:30Better, better, one for the three.

00:15:33And the three of them turned into a pineapple so they can look like one, eh?

00:15:36Long, look, boy, I'm honest with you.

00:15:37I see it as long.

00:15:38How about three times one equals one?

00:15:40Mathematical.

00:15:40It has to be something more musical.

00:15:42More cheerful.

00:15:43Get out, bitches.

00:15:44Oh, but man!

00:15:45To the rabal!

00:15:47Get out, pianist!

00:15:48It is very important that noble people

00:15:58It is very important that noble people

00:16:14Leave a beautiful motto for the apostle of Rití

00:16:17It's worth all the riding, how does he ride so much?

00:16:20And if a forest burns, something of it has already burned.

00:16:23We are the three musketeers

00:16:27Messi said it and Say more

00:16:31And whatever becomes of the one

00:16:33It must belong to others

00:16:36All for one

00:16:38It's a good start

00:16:39But it falls short, something more is needed

00:16:43All for one

00:16:44And the three are happy

00:16:46I find it bland.

00:16:47You can't deny it to me.

00:16:49We are the three musketeers

00:16:53Messi said it and say more

00:16:56And whatever becomes of the one

00:16:58It must belong to others

00:17:01One for all

00:17:03All for one

00:17:05That's the nonsense that Messi invented and more

00:17:08One for all

00:17:09All for one

00:17:11And whoever comes after can already bother him.

00:17:14Not bad

00:17:18Sounds good

00:17:21It's a good motto

00:17:24It turned out very well

00:17:27And whoever comes after can already bother him.

00:17:29And whoever comes after can already bother him.

00:17:30And whoever comes after can already bother him.

00:17:31And whoever comes after can already bother him.

00:17:33And whoever comes after can already bother him.

00:17:34And whoever comes after can already bother him.

00:17:35And whoever comes after can already bother him.

00:17:37And whoever comes after can already bother him.

00:17:39And whoever comes after can already bother him.

00:17:41One for all, all for one

00:17:59That's the nonsense that Mésir Dimar invented.

00:18:02One for all, all for one

00:18:05And the one who comes after

00:18:07You can give it to him now.

00:18:11You, you, you!

00:18:21Please excuse me, gentlemen musketeers.

00:18:23But my grandchildren are admirers of you.

00:18:26And they want an autograph

00:18:27Wouldn't you mind?

00:18:29No, please, ma'am.

00:18:30It would not be missing

00:18:31Autograph goes

00:18:34Oh, beautiful!

00:18:35Thank you very much, gentlemen.

00:18:38My grandchildren will never forget you in their lives.

00:18:41Come on, children

00:18:42You will always carry them in your thoughts.

00:18:44No, please, gentlemen.

00:18:45We are used to it

00:18:46You already know

00:18:47Hey, guys

00:18:51I'm already fed up with signing autographs

00:18:53And I spend the day with the sword in my hand

00:18:55I really want the ballpoint pen to be invented.

00:18:57You've been great, guys.

00:18:59How I would like to squeeze your knob

00:19:01Well, don't deprive yourself, doll.

00:19:03Squeeze it

00:19:04Are the three musketeers here?

00:19:12The Musketeers I don't know

00:19:13But what is there is

00:19:14It's the trio of skulls with a sword

00:19:15Oh, look, there they are! Let's go!

00:19:20Come on

00:19:21Be careful here, there are a lot of people.

00:19:26Mr. Musketeer Porto

00:19:28To the desires of the homeland!

00:19:30But, but it's Robustianilla!

00:19:32Long time no see!

00:19:34Look, I'm going to present you with some knowledge here.

00:19:36Here are some musketeers

00:19:38Nice to meet you!

00:19:38Take some coins and go play the slot machines.

00:19:42Thank you!

00:19:42Yes indeed!

00:19:43Well, what's a maid like you doing in a tavern like this?

00:19:49We are the queen's maids

00:19:50And we want to ask you a favor, silbople

00:19:52I have already written to D'Artagnan

00:19:53But he couldn't come because he's doing some shows in the north.

00:19:56Mardu, mardu, more pitu, mardu!

00:19:59I'm sick of hearing about that D'Artagnan.

00:20:01I want to throw it in my face so that I can measure myself against my sword.

00:20:04Man, gee, that's why if you want I'll measure myself.

00:20:05I measure two and a half swords

00:20:07Two or three quarters

00:20:08I think you can measure three and a half

00:20:10Yes, two and a half swords

00:20:11Well

00:20:11Well, what do you want from us?

00:20:13A tremendous favor

00:20:14But you have to come with us to a certain place.

00:20:16Wearing these clothes that we bring here so that no one recognizes you

00:20:20Ah, will it be a good adventure?

00:20:21It will be!

00:20:22How good!

00:20:23Mafija!

00:20:24A garden soldier!

00:20:25A criminal of soldiers!

00:20:26Stay still!

00:20:27Leave me alone

00:20:28I just touched Aunt Curzi's ass now.

00:20:32If I were you, I wouldn't have made you a stranger.

00:20:37But don't get so worked up, it was just a palpable attempt.

00:20:45Oh, if you only knew what Richelieu feels.

00:20:48This one does feel it, through the hallways and everything, yes, yes

00:20:51I don't want to kill you without giving you a chance.

00:20:53You take out first!

00:20:55Their!

00:20:56He has taken out first

00:21:06It has been a legal duel

00:21:08Call the gravedigger

00:21:09I buy everyone whiskey.

00:21:11Pianist music

00:21:12Damn, how it gets in total because I killed an orderly asshole

00:21:20The waiter!

00:21:21The waiter!

00:21:24Very strong!

00:21:26It's a bit of a formality that the sheriff is here.

00:21:28It's my grandmother's potty

00:21:33Yes, laugh, laugh

00:21:37One moment

00:21:39Let's talk, have a drink

00:21:40Man, it doesn't matter.

00:21:41Talk, talk, talk

00:21:42Ah, that hand is too much!

00:21:44Ah, now, now, now, now, now, now, now!

00:21:48Ah!

00:21:48Hey, man, I don't know anything about rubber!

00:21:52And now, where do I comb my hair!

00:21:54Where am I?

00:21:57I'm a beast!

00:21:58Next up!

00:22:03Take!

00:22:05Out!

00:22:06One more!

00:22:07Come on, up!

00:22:09Come on, come on!

00:22:10Come on, you're not coming!

00:22:12They jump like the famous ones!

00:22:15Take!

00:22:16Little ringleader!

00:22:17Come on, up!

00:22:20Let's go, Robus!

00:22:22Let's go!

00:22:22Let's run away!

00:22:23Let's get out of here!

00:22:24I'll cover the exit!

00:22:25Fast!

00:22:28Portos! Dead Portos!

00:22:29You too, huh!

00:22:30Out!

00:22:31Yes, in your parts!

00:22:32Take!

00:22:34Mari, that's the last one!

00:22:35Come on!

00:22:35Out!

00:22:37Come here!

00:22:37What's up? What's up?

00:22:51Walk!

00:22:52Madam, do you want to welcome your three saviors right now?

00:22:57Forward!

00:23:04Lady!

00:23:05Lady!

00:23:06I've already explained the matter to them, madam, and they're willing to do anything for you!

00:23:10You don't know how grateful I am!

00:23:12Madam, I...

00:23:13No, don't tell me anything, I know!

00:23:14It's just that I...!

00:23:15I understand you perfectly!

00:23:16Your Majesty, it's just that...!

00:23:16I've already told you that I fully understand your sacrifice!

00:23:19No!

00:23:20What we mean is, our knees hurt from being like this!

00:23:22Well, get up, damn it!

00:23:23I was saying that I understand your sacrifice because you are real musketeers.

00:23:29That.

00:23:30And we owe loyalty to the King of France.

00:23:32And we are going to put ourselves at your service to...

00:23:35...collaborate.

00:23:36To hide your illicit relations with an Englishman who is a real handful.

00:23:39I'll tell you that the famous Three Musketeers are infamous pimps, traitors to their country and their...

00:23:45So why are you going to London?

00:23:46Well, because it was written by Don Alexandre Dumas.

00:23:48Will you do it?

00:23:49Let's see, what a life.

00:23:50I will reward you generously.

00:23:52The king!

00:23:53The king! Here comes the king! Oh my!

00:23:55The king in my chambers? What's he doing here?

00:23:58He'll come to throw a caliqueño.

00:23:59Come on, hurry up, confession!

00:24:01That's right, the confession trick!

00:24:02The trick!

00:24:03Come on!

00:24:06Santario, Mother, God!

00:24:07Tell me!

00:24:12Attention, s'il vous plaît!

00:24:13The king!

00:24:15And it was sinful.

00:24:16Ana, Ana, daughter, where are you?

00:24:19Hey?

00:24:19Ah, Ana, I started reading a book that some strange Indians wrote and they call it Kamasutra, I don't know how,

00:24:24and it has entered my body, I don't know what.

00:24:26I'm sorry, my lord, but I'm confessing.

00:24:30And knowing her, there's plenty of room for improvement?

00:24:33Come tomorrow.

00:24:35Tomorrow?

00:24:35And how do I know if the effect of that book will last until tomorrow?

00:24:40Well, to degrease myself I will review a volume of Petete's fat book.

00:24:45Come on, at this rate you'll be left without Louis XIV.

00:24:49Go ahead, go ahead and tell me that you look stupid.

00:24:53So, can I trust you?

00:24:55Oscar, yes.

00:24:56Tomorrow without fail we will go say goodbye to our families as we always do when...

00:25:00Oh, my eye!

00:25:01Could it be your foot?

00:25:02My corn.

00:25:03And the day after tomorrow, a big game around London.

00:25:05And let's see if there's time for the knight of Artañán to accompany you.

00:25:09Gosh, how annoying they are with the knight of Artañán.

00:25:11Beating, man!

00:25:12Well, I'm curious to meet him.

00:25:13Ah, well, I don't understand it.

00:25:14Yes, yes, yes, because when Dumas wrote it, the story...

00:25:17No, Dumas, but he was lazy, Dumas!

00:25:20Don't lower the flag, I'll be right back, okay?

00:25:22Dad?

00:25:25Dad!

00:25:26Speak louder, he's getting deafer and deafer.

00:25:29I say dad!

00:25:31Oh, you short baby, damn it!

00:25:35Oh, little baby, son of my life!

00:25:37What a joy!

00:25:38Every day you look more like Buffalo Vile.

00:25:40Yes, yes!

00:25:40What am I saying, where's mom?

00:25:44Yes, yes, yes, he's waiting for me.

00:25:46That if mom is at home.

00:25:50Yes, yes, yes.

00:25:51Wait for the striker to connect.

00:25:56Bominic!

00:25:56Come out, your little door has come!

00:25:59Marcel, how many times do I have to tell you that you have to take those Juanolé cough drops.

00:26:06Mommy's little doors!

00:26:08Oh, Mommy!

00:26:10Mamuchi!

00:26:11Where are you?

00:26:11And, baby, don't be crazy or you'll break my belt!

00:26:14Slam me to the ground!

00:26:16Oh!

00:26:17My little dog!

00:26:20And my little doors!

00:26:22I always called him Bledine little ports.

00:26:24Since we owe your always pleasant visit!

00:26:28Parato for distant and unknown foreign countries.

00:26:31And since this always involves a risk,

00:26:34I come to say goodbye to you, beloved mother,

00:26:36so that you know that the descendants of the Lombardy ancestors are in danger.

00:26:41I thank you, my son, for such deference,

00:26:45but you have me so used to screwing me over.

00:26:47But how have I screwed you, noble Viscountess of Atos?

00:26:50For example, at your wedding,

00:26:52which I didn't agree with and you saw how it turned out.

00:26:55Frog, don't remind me of such a dark moment in my life, Maite Chumía.

00:26:59A family as respectable as ours,

00:27:01and fall for that whore.

00:27:02Fortunately, I always hold the honor of the Lombardy heritage very high.

00:27:07Coled, darling, get dressed up a bit and we'll go to the bingo hall for a bit, how cool?

00:27:11Boy, boy!

00:27:13Come on, young man, sir, your Visconde, here.

00:27:16Oh, what a cut, girl!

00:27:17But isn't this Gastón, Cuava's boy, in the back?

00:27:20He was, but I promoted him.

00:27:22And by the way, when are you leaving for those distant lands?

00:27:25Tomorrow, Father.

00:27:26I didn't want to leave without saying goodbye to you and Mother.

00:27:30You did well, son!

00:27:32Because if the life of the artist is full of dangers,

00:27:36A musketeer's must be shitting himself.

00:27:39Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:27:41And mother, are you okay?

00:27:43Yes, take this.

00:27:44Is it still doing the same number?

00:27:45Wow, you know how Mother Nature is!

00:27:48Look, there she is!

00:27:50As long as this remains the case, she will continue to be the bearded lady.

00:27:53Son of my breasts!

00:27:55Mother!

00:27:57Oh!

00:27:59You've already made me cry.

00:28:01Oh, come on, Mom!

00:28:02How heartfelt!

00:28:03Yes I am!

00:28:05Because I still remember when I gave birth to you

00:28:07that my biggest concern was

00:28:09that you had a beard and a boob at the same time.

00:28:12But luckily you didn't have any tits.

00:28:15Well, not even a beard.

00:28:17And then, when I refused to go out and breastfeed you.

00:28:20Well, it was only natural to breastfeed with that beard.

00:28:23What have you come for, sweetie?

00:28:25Are you perhaps going to tell us that you are going to re-enter the seminary?

00:28:29No, mother.

00:28:29I hate seminary.

00:28:30And you know it.

00:28:33I, I who dreamed of having a clergyman son

00:28:37that it would become like Tarancón.

00:28:40Like Richelie, wife.

00:28:41Dad, what are you putting on your face?

00:28:45Smoothing cream made with the wildest Caribbean lemons.

00:28:49Because come on, every time I kiss your mother

00:28:51My skin gets irritated a lot.

00:28:52A kiss, mother.

00:28:53What a stop to adventure.

00:28:55Son!

00:28:55Take care, take care, son.

00:28:58And don't get caught in the currents.

00:28:59And even less so in the 220 ones, which give you shocks.

00:29:02What truth?

00:29:03Don't worry, Mom.

00:29:04Peaceful.

00:29:06Goodbye, father.

00:29:07Goodbye, son.

00:29:07See you later, Father.

00:29:08Receive my blessing.

00:29:10From Johnson & Johnson.

00:29:11I leave for distant lands.

00:29:13Fuck mom's beard.

00:29:15It's like scotch brite.

00:29:17To London.

00:29:18Eminence.

00:29:19The three musketeers are leaving for London today to get a garter belt.

00:29:23But haven't the three musketeers always been four?

00:29:26Yes, but apparently this time there will be three real ones.

00:29:29No, and I tell myself one thing.

00:29:31And how did you come to report this case to me?

00:29:34Very simple.

00:29:35Because if you kill one of those three musketeers,

00:29:39his mother would marry me

00:29:41and all his fortune would automatically pass to me.

00:29:45I bet I'm not stupid.

00:29:47You are not.

00:29:49A glass of this stuff of mine that never fails.

00:29:50Thank you.

00:29:51But I would prefer a batechenca, not a baccarat in vinegar.

00:29:53Can?

00:29:54No, I don't have that.

00:29:55Well, well.

00:30:00Don't you drink?

00:30:01No, no, I can't.

00:30:02My religion forbids it.

00:30:04I am a Muslim.

00:30:06I only eat fruits.

00:30:08And these plums you brought me are delicious.

00:30:10Yes, but be careful because you've already had twelve

00:30:13and if they are abused they tend to loosen the intestines.

00:30:16They are superstitions of the vile common people.

00:30:19But do you see me?

00:30:21Do you see me calm?

00:30:23To you, Sante?

00:30:25To me, Sante.

00:30:26You'll see how long this year will last.

00:30:27Have a good trip.

00:30:35What a dead man, he just hit himself.

00:30:36My lady, you may leave now.

00:30:38My lady.

00:30:39Sucker for the reúr.

00:30:41But should we both go out now?

00:30:42It's a fajita I brought back from London.

00:30:43Did you like it?

00:30:44My lady, you will not miss the opportunity.

00:30:46For four days, what is one going to live?

00:30:47But the sucker will last us three.

00:30:49Should I delete that traitor?

00:30:50Delete the oxyso.

00:30:56Well, you heard.

00:30:57We must prevent those three musketeers from reaching London at all costs.

00:31:01Mammon.

00:31:02Your grandparents.

00:31:03Find it pretty.

00:31:03Go for them.

00:31:04Come on, come on.

00:31:05I will bring them to you alive or one-eyed.

00:31:08He doesn't even know the idioms, right?

00:31:10My lady, I don't trust that mule.

00:31:12And after him, and watch so that this damned flirt never reaches Paris.

00:31:16OK.

00:31:17I will help you.

00:31:18But this time, as a reward,

00:31:20I want the possessions and castle of the Viscount of Atos.

00:31:23Come on, why?

00:31:24Behold.

00:31:27Come on, you were in the legion.

00:31:29The muslamen is not bad, but I don't understand you.

00:31:31That brand engraved in fire.

00:31:33It is the rose of saffron.

00:31:35Emblem of the Atos of Lombardy.

00:31:37And who recorded it there?

00:31:38Atos was my husband.

00:31:39One day I cheated on him with a...

00:31:41With a friend there?

00:31:42No, with a regiment of lancers who passed by the castle.

00:31:46And you don't want to see how rude the guy became.

00:31:48He disliked her.

00:31:49Yes, there are some very picky ones.

00:31:52Well, if all goes well, your cuckold husband's possessions will be yours.

00:31:57Now, go away...

00:31:58Ok, I won't find you eminent.

00:32:04One is a mule and the other is a slut.

00:32:07I'll have to go too.

00:32:10Here, red fox to cat stepped on.

00:32:12Meow, cat stepped on, on command.

00:32:14I use the transmitter in case War has tapped my phone.

00:32:18Let them prepare the car for me.

00:32:19Quick delivery.

00:32:20What's the birth?

00:32:21What a quick departure.

00:32:22I've heard about the birth, but not about the other.

00:32:23May lightning strike you.

00:32:24Frankly delicious.

00:32:30Notify Captain Apollo and Lieutenant Starbar.

00:32:33They are in the Galactica with Commander Alarmara.

00:32:37Well, get me a beeper and get the space shuttle ready.

00:32:42Those doorknockers are going to hear me.

00:32:46This Richelieu is meaner than that fucking Baltarar.

00:33:07How many lordships?

00:33:14I didn't know you.

00:33:15Kid, clean the animal's eyes, dust has gotten into them.

00:33:18There is the horse.

00:33:20I'll never get used to it.

00:33:21Check mine's front hooves, they're low on air.

00:33:23And when I gallop they make me sile.

00:33:26Ah, failure.

00:33:34From here go straight ahead until you reach Calé.

00:33:36Marquita, do we have to go through Benidorm?

00:33:39No, it's full of English hooligans.

00:33:48Musketeer Aramis, new horse, eh?

00:33:51No, man, Rally.

00:33:57In Calé a boat awaits us that will take us to Dober.

00:34:01And how will we know it's Dober and not Santander?

00:34:03By the white rocks of Dober.

00:34:04He's not coming, huh?

00:34:05Who?

00:34:05D'Artagnan, the queen's chambermaid, said she would catch up with us on the chemin.

00:34:09Well, we don't wait for him.

00:34:10Ready?

00:34:11Yes, gentlemen, I give you Wins.

00:34:13What is it for?

00:34:14Lighten the belly and the horse runs faster.

00:34:17There is no more time.

00:34:18Does Czech savings bank accept barley?

00:34:20Yes sir.

00:34:21Let's see.

00:34:22It's safer because of the muggings.

00:34:24Yes, of course, yes.

00:34:26They come with cut-out backs.

00:34:26One over here.

00:34:28Another one over there.

00:34:29And whatever is left over for the pot.

00:34:30Thank you.

00:34:31Goodbye, feeder.

00:34:35Come on.

00:34:36Forward.

00:34:37Come on, let's see.

00:34:39And unis.

00:34:40Come on, up.

00:34:43Yaja!

00:34:43Oh, horse!

00:34:44Goodbye, feeder.

00:34:45Come on!

00:34:46Come on!

00:34:47Come on!

00:34:47Three musketeers have passed through here.

00:35:05Yes, yes.

00:35:06Where have they gone?

00:35:07Well...

00:35:07Answer!

00:35:08Get out of the cardinal's secret service.

00:35:10Well, they went that way, towards Calais.

00:35:12Okay.

00:35:14Okay, horse!

00:35:16Holy Spirit!

00:35:16Okay, horse!

00:35:20How many people!

00:35:21It seems that the August holidays have begun.

00:35:23Okay, horse!

00:35:30Okay, horse!

00:35:46Do you have a drum here?

00:35:47Yes sir.

00:35:48Over there!

00:35:48Your Eminence, they do have a bat

00:35:52It's the Cardinal of Cherie, in person

00:35:58Come on, hurry up

00:35:59It's over there

00:36:02There, Your Eminence

00:36:03Little circles in the nose

00:36:18My horse has stepped on a fish

00:36:25Well, mine has that, going through water

00:36:48High!

00:37:11What is that?

00:37:12What a barbarity!

00:37:13What a barbarity!

00:37:14Be careful, it could be an ambush.

00:37:16Don't stop, yeah

00:37:18My goodness

00:37:19We should have gone through Irún

00:37:21That there are less beasts

00:37:23But damn!

00:37:24Why do you mind if we take vegetables to Belgium?

00:37:30What happened to you?

00:37:32The usual

00:37:32French farmers are tipping over their vegetable carts.

00:37:36They are bastards!

00:37:38Oh, but our Foreign Minister has said that it is of no importance.

00:37:42What's the point?

00:37:43Well, let him throw his hairs into the sea wherever I tell him to.

00:37:47Let's go now, my!

00:37:49These Spaniards get angry over nothing.

00:37:51What is it that you don't have the human in you!

00:37:53Come on now!

00:37:54I already knew, you have to be Spanish!

00:37:59Your father!

00:38:01Take it!

00:38:03Go on, important people will eat glory.

00:38:06But...

00:38:07Wow!

00:38:12What's that?

00:38:25Hey, how cool is it coming out of there?

00:38:27Yes, an English friend gave it to me.

00:38:29But these carriages are uncomfortable with these hats

00:38:32Can I have a fill-up, please?

00:38:35Yes, ma'am

00:38:35Extra boy!

00:38:37Hey, they've been here.

00:38:39Oh, ma'am!

00:38:40Today all that's missing is Julio Iglesias coming through here.

00:38:43Let's see

00:38:46Let's go!

00:38:47She's killing herself with extra!

00:38:49Two celemias

00:38:50Come on, horse, horse!

00:38:54Come on, horse, horse!

00:38:55Come on, horse!

00:38:55Come on, horse, horse!

00:38:57Come on, horse!

00:38:59No, beast!

00:38:59I curse the milk I drank!

00:39:01How much meat was I going to remove, Sunday boy!

00:39:03Your father!

00:39:04Come on, horse!

00:39:04There we can rest and have a Whopper with fries, chips and ketchup.

00:39:17Well, I prefer a pepito de tornera with a red wine.

00:39:19Okay, let's go.

00:39:20Un momento, s'il vous plaît.

00:39:21What is known?

00:39:22Look, he's leaving.

00:39:23Cardinal's Man.

00:39:24Malgré lui!

00:39:26They do not give up.

00:39:27The waitress Constanza said they would bring us the chemin.

00:39:29I don't want to hear any more about that idiot.

00:39:31And I'm hungry.

00:39:32You have to go in there.

00:39:33I have an idea.

00:39:34Follow me!

00:39:35Follow me!

00:39:36Come on, horses!

00:39:39Come on, horses.

00:39:40Come on, horses.

00:39:44I think Cardinal Richeriet is senile.

00:39:48What are some king's musketeers going to do around here?

00:39:50Nothing, of course.

00:39:54Man, what are you doing here chasing South Americans?

00:39:56On tour, aren't you?

00:39:57Since there's no room for more South Americans in Spain, you know?

00:40:00We said, let's go to France to annoy the poor French.

00:40:03And by the way, we'd like to eat something, even if it's a lot, you know?

00:40:06I'm sorry, but I'm under orders not to serve food to anyone.

00:40:09This case is different.

00:40:11I am also an artist.

00:40:13Glad you came, dude!

00:40:16But what a pleasant surprise and cheese, from the shores of Titicaca, with all due respect.

00:40:19Efe, do you know that song called Envante Dance?

00:40:22It's mine.

00:40:23No, fuck you, man.

00:40:24How has Gilbert Becau changed?

00:40:25Yes, I compose a lot.

00:40:27You will eat and drink, but first, give a demonstration of your art.

00:40:31Or would you prefer that I sing you a la Marseillaise, which is also mine?

00:40:33No, we will sing and dance, but please bring food, drinks and cigars,

00:40:38as if we were from the Spanish Football Federation, you know?

00:40:41Right now.

00:40:43Cardinal's Guards, attention, three artists performing.

00:40:55The sea is dressed in lights and colors, there is laughter in the little houses of Gibraltar, Spain showed the path of truth.

00:41:10Of truth, that's why I'm singing to your freedom.

00:41:17Gibraltarian, Gibraltarian, for many nights we spent with our love.

00:41:26Gibraltarian, Gibraltarian, you leave the line to kiss next to the rock.

00:41:33Thank you!

00:41:34Thank you!

00:41:35Thank you!

00:41:36Thank you!

00:41:37Thank you!

00:41:38Thank you!

00:41:39Thank you!

00:41:40Thank you!

00:41:41Thank you!

00:41:42Thank you!

00:41:43Thank you!

00:41:44Thank you!

00:41:45Thank you!

00:41:46Thank you!

00:41:47Thank you!

00:41:48Thank you!

00:41:49Thank you!

00:41:50Thank you!

00:41:51Thank you!

00:41:52Thank you!

00:41:54Thank you!

00:41:55Thank you!

00:41:56Thank you!

00:41:57Thank you!

00:41:58Thank you!

00:41:59Thank you!

00:42:00The food is served!

00:42:02Thank you!

00:42:03Thank you!

00:42:04Thank you!

00:42:05Oh, oh!

00:42:06Thank you!

00:42:07Thanks, old man.

00:42:08Scratch mom!

00:42:10Thank you!

00:42:11What mayonnaise.

00:42:12What a grainy lamb awaits us.

00:42:13And what a neighbor dad.

00:42:14One moment!

00:42:16Those are not South Americans.

00:42:17That?

00:42:18I say it for that reason.

00:42:19Your clothes, which we found next to your horses, speak for themselves.

00:42:22They are the three mosquitoes...

00:42:24I expected four. I've always been four, the Three Musketeers.

00:42:28This time there really are three.

00:42:30You can't even trust Alexandre Dumas anymore.

00:42:33Arrest them!

00:42:35Your father!

00:42:36The guard!

00:42:37Out!

00:42:38Come up here, cockroaches!

00:42:39Come on!

00:42:40Come on!

00:42:41You have no guts, damn it!

00:42:45Damn mosquitoes!

00:42:47Damn mosquitoes!

00:42:48How brave I am!

00:42:49I'm like Errol Flynn!

00:42:50Come on, come on, beauties!

00:42:52I heard myself!

00:42:57Wait for me.

00:43:04Take it, you're a pimp!

00:43:05Next up!

00:43:06Wait a minute, my sword is getting stuck.

00:43:11All for one.

00:43:13For that sword that gets stuck, all for one.

00:43:16For that rusty lock, the chastity belt...

00:43:20All for one.

00:43:22For that trigger that sticks, all for one.

00:43:25That's why I always carry all for one on my horse.

00:43:31I can't see you!

00:43:32Fuck!

00:43:33I should have thrown the whole can away!

00:43:34Attack!

00:43:35It failed!

00:43:36I thought you failed me!

00:43:37I'm better than bread with the sword!

00:43:41Ha ha ha!

00:43:42Ha ha ha!

00:43:43Ha ha ha!

00:43:44Ha ha ha!

00:43:45Ha ha ha!

00:43:46Ha ha ha!

00:43:47Ha ha ha!

00:43:48Ha ha ha!

00:43:49Ha ha ha!

00:43:50Ha ha ha!

00:43:51Ha ha ha!

00:43:52Ha ha ha!

00:43:53Ha ha ha!

00:43:54Ha ha ha!

00:43:55Ha ha ha!

00:43:56Ha ha ha!

00:43:57Ha ha ha!

00:43:58Ha ha ha!

00:43:59Ha ha ha!

00:44:00Ha ha ha!

00:44:01Come on, I'm not going to kill myself with chiquirgatra.

00:44:03As?

00:44:04Go for it.

00:44:05One moment.

00:44:06Three, well, better said, two and a half for one.

00:44:09Here is my three-bladed Wilkinson.

00:44:11Oh no, advantage for Vic.

00:44:16And how still am I going to give you?

00:44:24Wait a minute, man, he's got a nipple, he's going to have to give it a go.

00:44:27You're going to have to give him a beating, man.

00:44:29Let's surf here on TV.

00:44:31Let's surf here on TV.

00:44:34Oh my God, over there!

00:44:36Come on, come on!

00:44:38What a crazy person!

00:44:40Take your little hand.

00:44:41But, but, but, but this one killed him before.

00:44:46You die like a man, you donkey!

00:44:54Here you go, honey!

00:44:55Gascony, beloved homeland!

00:45:03Short!

00:45:03What a bulebu!

00:45:04Cut the rope holding the lamp!

00:45:06Oh, okay!

00:45:07Ah!

00:45:11Ah!

00:45:11Ah, imbecile!

00:45:11Cut the wrong rope!

00:45:13Ah!

00:45:17There I am!

00:45:19Ah, I'm falling!

00:45:20Ha ha ha!

00:45:21Ha ha ha!

00:45:23Check out a backhand like McEnroe!

00:45:24Hahaha!

00:45:26Already!

00:45:26Ha ha ha!

00:45:35This is for you!

00:45:39Two against one, eh!

00:45:43Look, I just invented the pincho moruno.

00:45:49It has no merit.

00:45:52Attention!

00:45:53His Most Reverent Eminence, the bloody Cardinal Richelieu.

00:45:55I have cut six ears.

00:45:57But how?

00:45:58Does the cardinal also follow him?

00:45:59There it goes, if it comes with Pamela.

00:46:00Where is?

00:46:01Here!

00:46:01Here, Your Eminence!

00:46:02Here are the three musketeers!

00:46:04I'm not asking about those three idiots, I'm asking about the toilet.

00:46:06Here, Your Eminence.

00:46:08And between the crayfish and the hustle and bustle of the cart, I'm going to get my asses blown out.

00:46:12Come on, let's take advantage of the cardinal's politics.

00:46:14It's time.

00:46:15That's it!

00:46:15It's closed, already?

00:46:18Busy!

00:46:19Get out of there!

00:46:20I can't take it anymore!

00:46:21Break down the door!

00:46:23I'm sorry, but when there's a fight I get scared.

00:46:27What would you like, Grandma?

00:46:28Oh, how clean!

00:46:32What do I say?

00:46:34Look, look, there are no options.

00:46:35There is no?

00:46:36I can't hear you, your eminence!

00:46:38Also, inkwell and pen?

00:46:41Are you going to write something?

00:46:43How rude!

00:46:43Ah, I understand you now!

00:46:45Clear.

00:46:46Guards!

00:46:46Cardinal Richelieu needs a pé de lepapier.

00:46:50At your service!

00:46:51Yes, yes, yes.

00:46:51Come on, wait.

00:46:52Buoy paper?

00:46:53Role of life?

00:46:54A sea leaf?

00:46:55Sandpaper?

00:46:55Cigarette paper?

00:46:56This one?

00:46:59You will use the feature article.

00:47:01Let's see if I can make it.

00:47:01All totally for one.

00:47:12And one in the idea of being a species of all.

00:47:15That is, be as you see.

00:47:16Let's see if we learn the motto, eh?

00:47:18Ajale!

00:47:28There you have the English Channel.

00:47:30But the stain was not in Ciudad Real.

00:47:32Let's pretend we didn't hear him.

00:47:34Yes, it is better.

00:47:35Yeah, yeah.

00:47:37Already.

00:47:55Already.

00:47:56We are in Calais!

00:48:01Good!

00:48:08Damn, there's no ship in the harbor.

00:48:10Don't make it so dark.

00:48:11Will there be any?

00:48:11Well, we are ready to cross this entire side without a fleet.

00:48:14No way.

00:48:15Nothing.

00:48:16Look, that's the way to England.

00:48:17Yes, over there.

00:48:17Over there.

00:48:18Should I tell you resalted?

00:48:24What do you have to tell me?

00:48:25What's going to be of flavor?

00:48:27The good adventure.

00:48:28Baskets.

00:48:29A gypsy.

00:48:31Are you from here?

00:48:32Of course.

00:48:33Can't you see we're in Calais?

00:48:35Well, there's no room for a roll-up of sleeves between Calais and Calais.

00:48:39Give me a chance to read the lines on your glove.

00:48:43Oops!

00:48:44What beautiful things am I going to tell you?

00:48:47What we need is a boat to get to England.

00:48:50Oops!

00:48:51Impossible!

00:48:52There were only fishing boats here.

00:48:54But the Moroccans captured him and didn't leave a single hammock.

00:48:57Hello?

00:48:58We are lost.

00:48:59Here I would like to see Milla de Artañal.

00:49:00No!

00:49:01Don't name him!

00:49:01He's jinxing us!

00:49:02I'll touch this iron with...

00:49:03Of course, if you knew German...

00:49:07German is a language that my partner has a good command of.

00:49:10Mua!

00:49:10Well, at the end of the dock there is an old warehouse.

00:49:14And there's a guy named Rummenigén who has invented something that he says will float.

00:49:19But let no one dare to try it.

00:49:21If it floats we will use it.

00:49:23But don't go dressed like that.

00:49:26He hates everything that smells like police.

00:49:28It smells like police.

00:49:28We're not going to go in our underwear, mondie.

00:49:30Oh!

00:49:31Do you need your horses?

00:49:33So that?

00:49:33If you don't know how to navigate.

00:49:35I'll exchange them for other clothes.

00:49:37Lose our mounts?

00:49:38You have to make up your mind, musketeer.

00:49:41They'll be here soon and they'll get into trouble.

00:49:43Well, let's see those clothes.

00:49:46The old woman brought three new finches.

00:49:48I'm not even going to leave them my national identity document.

00:49:50And what will this be dressed as?

00:49:51Anyone knows.

00:49:52Look at them, there they come out.

00:49:56Of course, with these lizard-like outfits, no one will recognize us.

00:49:59I find this too much of a lizard.

00:50:01Yes, they are very nice suits, but they smell like a lot of faggot.

00:50:04They are the most elegant clothes I own.

00:50:06I traded them for some transvestites who were going to be the race for these horns.

00:50:09I already said it.

00:50:10Attention, gypsy, the news is about to start.

00:50:17Come on, damn, the news.

00:50:19Friends, this is Channel 7 of private television.

00:50:27What more could we want?

00:50:29Anyway, local news.

00:50:32Prime Minister Cardinal Richelieu has just arrived in our city on a private visit, he says.

00:50:38The first thing he did when he arrived was go to the bathroom.

00:50:42He then gave orders to patrol the streets of Calais.

00:50:45There is an order to imprison all the king's musketeers found.

00:50:50And now, friends, a piece of advice.

00:50:53Invest in government debt.

00:50:56It is tax-free, it is not noticeable, it does not move, it does not penetrate, it shines and gives splendor.

00:51:02Ta-da-chin!

00:51:06You have to keep giving news out there.

00:51:10I think I did you a favor by dressing as a ladybug.

00:51:13Well, I like it, you see.

00:51:16Everybody on the ground!

00:51:17It doesn't move for anyone!

00:51:19Ede!

00:51:19What can bother the Cardinal's guards a few Calais de Calais?

00:51:24We are looking for three musketeers.

00:51:26There are none here, it's obvious.

00:51:28And what are these farts?

00:51:31We are Lagarteranas, we all come.

00:51:34What they sing is very good.

00:51:37It's strange that I didn't compose it.

00:51:39Come on!

00:51:39I'm embarrassed by the dress with these rhombuses.

00:51:42And the lace of my panties are digging into my groin too.

00:51:45Let's escape along National Highway 2.

00:51:48Venega!

00:51:50Come on, Galician, hurry up!

00:51:51There you go, young man!

00:51:52Have you understood what I have said to you?

00:51:57Hey, banque, banque!

00:51:58Ach, thump, thump!

00:52:08Yeah, yeah, yeah!

00:52:09I'm on Funke's TV!

00:52:14Here you go, chat!

00:52:17Well, it is tanza.

00:52:19What did I do? What did I do?

00:52:23No, that thing about me...

00:52:25I don't know, not a fucking clue.

00:52:26Leave it to me.

00:52:27Hey, monster!

00:52:29They call him.

00:52:30We, eh, we, eh, time, eh, we, eh, we, eh, gypsy, ole,

00:52:37Ipaña, Gypsy, Ghent!

00:52:38The jealous one.

00:52:40You're finding out you're deaf, Grandma, no, no.

00:52:43Well, I told you that you, uh, you have a boat for...

00:52:48for us to go to England, eh, the United Kingdom.

00:52:55You get it, right?

00:52:57United Kingdom, two points.

00:53:00Royal Union, three points.

00:53:03Can you hear me, asshole?

00:53:05He hears you.

00:53:06And we don't need to go to London because the Duke of Buckingham will also be listening to you.

00:53:10Listen to me.

00:53:11Leave it to me.

00:53:12Let's see.

00:53:13I mean, log chaser.

00:53:16Here, my colleagues and I need some shit that floats and that will take us to London.

00:53:23To a problem we have with the cow.

00:53:26Is it worth it or not?

00:53:26If it doesn't work, I'll give you a voucher, right?

00:53:28And they blew us away.

00:53:30What a log.

00:53:31I mean, be you.

00:53:33You have a problem mounting the meninges.

00:53:36What can stop us from kicking in the homeland of the Beatles.

00:53:38Is it worth it or not?

00:53:39Well, that's it, man, you don't get it, man, eh.

00:53:43There it is.

00:53:46Now I get it, mate.

00:53:47And I have that gadget you need for the roll.

00:53:50Hey, hey, hey!

00:53:51Come here, here you have it.

00:54:00Oops!

00:54:00I think it floats.

00:54:02But I haven't had the heartache necessary to prove it myself.

00:54:04If you have them.

00:54:08Is everything properly monitored?

00:54:10Yes, Your Eminence.

00:54:11I have been personally concerned.

00:54:13Well, that's precisely what worries me the most, jate.

00:54:15There are guards everywhere.

00:54:17I don't trust him, he doubles his guard.

00:54:19Yes, Your Eminence.

00:54:20Fold, guard.

00:54:22What a beast, mother.

00:54:24In short, we are certain that no one can leave Calais for any reason.

00:54:28Impossible, Your Eminence.

00:54:29Besides, there isn't even a can of tomato.

00:54:31Oh, what a joke you say, you bastard!

00:54:33Man, what is that?

00:54:35I don't know, how are you all like this because of the plums?

00:54:38They're not my girls, you idiot.

00:54:41For now, it floats!

00:54:43Look!

00:54:45It's them!

00:54:46And walk!

00:54:47What a hellish archiluge!

00:54:49They walk away.

00:54:50You're good for nothing!

00:54:52Let's see, but where are you going?

00:54:52But it's over there, where the sea is.

00:54:54What do I know!

00:54:54But be careful, we're going to be sown!

00:54:56But I've never driven a big one!

00:54:58Oh, and you say it now!

00:54:59But, but it's over there, it's towards the sea!

00:55:03Jump in the water!

00:55:05But, Your Eminence, I don't know how to swim!

00:55:06Well, you better put it on me!

00:55:08Oh, it's the new ground!

00:55:10Oh, I think I'm going to throw up!

00:55:12I don't know how to handle it!

00:55:13Not working!

00:55:15Here we go!

00:55:16You're throwing Richie at us!

00:55:17Hold it!

00:55:19They're going to crash!

00:55:20They're going to crash!

00:55:21Richie, look at me!

00:55:22Look at me, poor thing!

00:55:23Ah, these are leaving!

00:55:26They travel more than Minister Morán!

00:55:28Let's see if it is!

00:55:28The new ones!

00:55:29Come on!

00:55:30The new ones!

00:55:36I'm devastated!

00:55:37No, what you are is alive because the guillotine has not yet been invented.

00:55:40But don't worry, since Air France hasn't been established yet, they'll have to come back this way.

00:55:45And we will be waiting for you here.

00:55:47And if you get away on the way back, I'll give you a package and...

00:55:53Now yes, it's the guts, yes.

00:55:56Go to El Corte Inglés and get me another pack of diapers.

00:55:58Hurry up, I won't make it!

00:55:59Hurry!

00:56:05Nothing.

00:56:06No news.

00:56:07They took all three of them and made them into pork rinds.

00:56:10Trust them, madam.

00:56:11If there are five days left until the party.

00:56:14Why did I cheat on Luis?

00:56:16Well, it's time you repent, your majesty.

00:56:18If I say with Bakihan, with anyone else, he deserves it.

00:56:21Majesty!

00:56:22Your Majesty, news!

00:56:24Oh, the reverence!

00:56:25Of the three musketeers?

00:56:26What do they say?

00:56:26They already have the garter!

00:56:27When are they coming back?

00:56:28This is not news from the three musketeers.

00:56:29This is news from the knight of Artañán.

00:56:32He says not to worry, that he's doing some shows that he has signed with Mirinda.

00:56:35and takes charge of the matter.

00:56:37Look, you're going to tell your knight of Artañán about my majestic parts.

00:56:41that can be put in...

00:56:43Attention, s'il vous plaît!

00:56:45The King!

00:56:48Ana, Anita, daughter, I'm already, already, already feeling like having fun today.

00:56:55So, come on, come on, start cutting some corners, okay?

00:56:57Come on, come on.

00:56:58Come on, outside, girls, the King has come.

00:57:00Don't you see it?

00:57:02Whatever the young man says.

00:57:03Oh, my dear Roi, you don't know how I feel.

00:57:06I have a migraine and don't touch poop.

00:57:07Look, I was telling my good waitresses.

00:57:09Oh, what a shame I feel like this, what a cold hand, damn.

00:57:12Look, if Mr. Le Roi comes looking for some folie...

00:57:15Then no.

00:57:17Oh no.

00:57:19Look, I've been cleaning the cupboards, scrubbing the fridge,

00:57:22cleaning the window panes.

00:57:24But, but, do you know how many windows this palace has?

00:57:27No.

00:57:28Ah.

00:57:28Then screw me, right?

00:57:31Yeah.

00:57:35Well.

00:57:36Well, daughter, let's see if I can get you the day the assistant comes,

00:57:39that way you will be more rested.

00:57:42Look.

00:57:43Look how it turned out.

00:57:45What a ruin.

00:57:46What a ruin.

00:57:48Disaster, a disaster.

00:57:52Attention, if the loop.

00:57:54The King leaves in one piece, just as he came.

00:57:57Mmm, how disgusting, what a smell that cow, this king, has left behind.

00:58:01Where have those three idiots gone?

00:58:04Don't get unhooked, because here you can get loose and stop in Ireland or France.

00:58:08What a load of rubbish.

00:58:09Wow, with the English climate, it's no wonder they all go to Tenerife.

00:58:13Here, here is some kind of poster.

00:58:16Light something.

00:58:16What does it say?

00:58:18Wait, let's see, I have the big gas under.

00:58:20Let's see.

00:58:21Toulon.

00:58:22Tol, tolon.

00:58:24Tol, tolon.

00:58:26Toulon, Toulon.

00:58:27Toulon, Toulon.

00:58:29It must be a cow crossing.

00:58:31How cows?

00:58:32Cattle.

00:58:32Yes, cows, cows from Toulon, Toulon, Toulon.

00:58:34No, no.

00:58:35What it says is that there are thousands of ten in London.

00:58:37Or you can't read.

00:58:38Well, I'm staying to live here.

00:58:39Sorry, sir.

00:58:40Do you need any help?

00:58:41Alma, bring a bicycle.

00:58:43Nah, calm down.

00:58:44Bring a beacon in the darkness.

00:58:44Leave it to me, I'm studying English.

00:58:47Go, go.

00:58:48Good night, mister.

00:58:49My uncle is rich and my brother little, little, little has been an umbrella.

00:58:54Congratulations.

00:58:55Isn't that right?

00:58:57No, I say this because my mother's garden is very, very fine.

00:59:02It's a new very comfortable.

00:59:05Sympathetic.

00:59:06My tailor is rich.

00:59:07Do you see how I talk to him?

00:59:09And where did he say we should go?

00:59:11No, I don't know.

00:59:12That wasn't in my book.

00:59:13I don't know how to ask.

00:59:14Ah, yes, yes, yes.

00:59:15And what do we do?

00:59:16Will you let me speak to him like the German?

00:59:17Yes, you go, you go.

00:59:18Listen, buddy.

00:59:20I mean, we need a liquid that takes us to London to sort out a problem with the Basque woman, okay?

00:59:24Well, well, sir.

00:59:25Follow me.

00:59:26What does it say?

00:59:26Let's fuck him.

00:59:27Come on, chali is international.

00:59:29Hold on, get in line, I'll grab the policeman's bike.

00:59:32Walking.

00:59:36No, no, no, no, no, no.

01:00:06No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

01:00:06No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

01:00:10Hey, how do these English people live, huh?

01:00:12Yes now, but wait in two years when Gibraltar and the Falklands are taken away from you.

01:00:16Ah, then.

01:00:17Hey, I'm looking forward to meeting that duke.

01:00:19Is it true that he is as handsome as they say?

01:00:21Good afternoon, guys.

01:00:51He's a keychain Playboy. He's a paperback Duke.

01:00:55No, what a fucking dwarf.

01:00:57You've interrupted my leisure session. What's your urgent matter?

01:01:02Well, we bring a message from the Queen of France.

01:01:05Ah, yes. Anne of France, what an insatiable woman. I'll keep going all night.

01:01:12What message do you bring me?

01:01:13She wants you to return the glitter garter she gave you on a crazy night.

01:01:18A glitter garter belt? I don't know. Let's see if it's here. I have them in the display cases.

01:01:25But are you a fetishist?

01:01:28Collector, but modest. These are the bluest-blooded.

01:01:32Of grand duchesses, queens and even the truss of a marquis.

01:01:37But, listen, Mr. Brabender, let's see something. This isn't Queen Anne's garter.

01:01:41Yes, that must be the one. But it bothers me that they're taking him away. Because sleeping with a queen is fine.

01:01:48But the best thing is being able to tell the grandchildren about it later. And if they take the proof, how will they believe me?

01:01:55Just a minute, Mr. Dug. There are two leagues missing here.

01:01:58Well, I haven't pawned them. Because money always falls through my hair.

01:02:04Could they have been stolen?

01:02:06Clear!

01:02:07My lady.

01:02:08But how? Are you also having trouble with my lady?

01:02:10He came to see me. He stripped me naked.

01:02:13Well, let's see what we do. Because we need to bring this whole thing to Paris.

01:02:17One moment.

01:02:19Come on, girls. Show us your garters.

01:02:23But do they all have legs?

01:02:24Yeah.

01:02:25There you go. All the same.

01:02:27Bermuda triangle kiss.

01:02:29But these garters are the same as those of Queen Anne of France.

01:02:31Mosques, you are a bit tolailis.

01:02:34Is it not clear?

01:02:37Let's see, who gave you that garter, Lady Marchioness?

01:02:41Louis Thirteen of France.

01:02:43I don't work!

01:02:44And you, countess?

01:02:47King Louis the Thirteen himself.

01:02:49And me?

01:02:50In short, Ana has no shame, but the king even less.

01:02:53But he gives away shiny garters like Julio Iglesias gives away jackets.

01:02:56Well, take whichever one you want. I have to continue my sex practice.

01:03:02Okay, this one, Marchioness.

01:03:04Take it. I'll take it off right away.

01:03:07I have another one at home. He gave me two.

01:03:10Thank you, Marchioness. I kiss her buttocks.

01:03:13Well, thank you very much, Mr. Duke. And until we meet again.

01:03:17And let's see if he has already grown up and become a man.

01:03:19Goodbye, mate.

01:03:20Did you say low?

01:03:21Majo, don't you realize that in addition to being a scoundrel, you are deaf.

01:03:24Yes, yes, yes.

01:03:25And now, how do we get back across the English Channel?

01:03:29If you are brave, I will show you the procedure.

01:03:34This way. You have to return from England by sea, and we'll be waiting for you here.

01:03:38Jobá!

01:03:40Everything will be ready, right, Mamon of the Rehours?

01:03:43Yes, Your Eminence. I have a guard posted on every meter of the French coastline.

01:03:47They won't be able to escape, Your Eminence. The matter is already settled.

01:03:51The day after tomorrow is the dance of the French race festival.

01:03:54And even if they wanted to, they wouldn't be able to get to Paris in time.

01:03:56Yes, it's true. I've succeeded.

01:03:59At the cost of an acolitis as persistent as the drought, I've become like a sock, right?

01:04:04But I have succeeded.

01:04:06Take the property titles of your cuckold husband, the Viscount of Lombardy.

01:04:11That... Oh, no, this is Calviño's resignation, not this one.

01:04:14The castle and its properties are yours.

01:04:17Wow, Paraguay! This is really cool. Thanks, Cardinal.

01:04:21I, on the other hand, am going to give you my remote control.

01:04:24I won't need it anymore. And with it, you can organize every move.

01:04:29I'm also going to give you that strange carriage that Buckingham gave me for that little night.

01:04:35I prefer the slowness of my carriage.

01:04:37It's appreciated. I don't think I need to use the specific reasons everyone knows, but it's appreciated.

01:04:40Well, I'm leaving.

01:04:43Bye bye.

01:04:46Good luck. And may lightning strike the musketeers. Ciao.

01:04:50It's very cute and has been very useful to us.

01:04:53But the aunt has a bad temper.

01:04:55What do we do with Monsieur Mitterrand's invitation?

01:04:58This Mitterrand, Mitterrand... I can't believe him, Ernesto.

01:05:01He's the president of the regional Autonomous Community. He's prepared a party for you, including a show.

01:05:05Oh my!

01:05:06I'm stung, you perceive.

01:05:09Go on, that fucking invention of the short duke.

01:05:11There you will find a hard one.

01:05:13I feel like a mullet. There's never been anything so much in my life.

01:05:16Well, it seems easy to me. Crossing the English Channel is a piece of cake.

01:05:19Anyway, we've failed. The day after tomorrow is the party, and we're on horseback. It's three days from here to Paris.

01:05:23Fuck!

01:05:24And we don't even have horses.

01:05:26The queen won't be wearing a garter belt. I see her in business socks.

01:05:29Well, let's take this off for now because with all the sparkle I look like Sara Montiel.

01:05:33What we look like are three Madermans.

01:05:35Do you see yourself, ma?

01:05:35Now also in suppositories.

01:05:37Let's see if we cut our toenails.

01:05:39How is this?

01:05:42You would end up coming back.

01:05:44Gosh, what a scare, ma'am!

01:05:46They're looking for you! Don't leave here alive!

01:05:49Man, I love being encouraged. It's something that comes to me through QR because it will make me feel better.

01:05:52But, madam, why don't you give us a hand instead of giving us the evil eye?

01:05:56For everyone, behave yourself.

01:05:57From this, man, from this.

01:05:59Cardinal's Guards!

01:06:01Get in here!

01:06:02Where to?

01:06:02Here!

01:06:05Ozado in!

01:06:07Goodbye!

01:06:08Come on, man, she's toasting!

01:06:09Come on, be quiet, ladies!

01:06:11Please, ladies, be quiet!

01:06:13Help, help!

01:06:14He's chasing us!

01:06:15Who are you?

01:06:15Us.

01:06:16I am the three musketeers.

01:06:18And where is D'Artañan?

01:06:20How do you name D'Artañan?

01:06:21I'm having a hysterical fit.

01:06:22We will help you.

01:06:24We hate Richelieu too.

01:06:25He won't let us go to England because we don't go to Mass.

01:06:27The port has been blocked.

01:06:28But we need to go to Paris!

01:06:30You can't get out this way.

01:06:31There are guards at the gate.

01:06:33And on the street too.

01:06:34I have an idea.

01:06:35You row one and you row three.

01:06:40I'm going to give you my blessings.

01:06:41I bless you, far from me.

01:06:43Take them sitting too.

01:06:44My blessing.

01:06:48Well, today I am happy, Mr. President of the Autonomous Community.

01:06:51So, what have you achieved, Monsieur the Cardinal?

01:06:54Well, to screw a queen, no less.

01:06:57And the thing is, deep down, I'm a very Republican, you know?

01:07:00And the thing is, deep down, I am a very republican.

01:07:30Let's play bowling.

01:07:32But the guy is a bird.

01:07:35Anyway, what a drag, it's all a mess.

01:07:38I swear, I was smoking a cigar today.

01:07:41But one afternoon when he feels ill, he returns early to rest.

01:07:52Because he had a woman inside a closet.

01:07:57Because he had a woman inside a closet.

01:08:05Ah, leave it, there won't be enough time for Paris.

01:08:08When he finishes his performance he arrests them.

01:08:10Now I'm going to give it a go.

01:08:26Now onward.

01:08:30Parro in the air.

01:08:31Come on, I'm not left hanging.

01:08:36Hey?

01:08:37Hey?

01:08:37Follow him.

01:08:59Leave it, it's over!

01:08:59I mean, the race has become very thin lately.

01:09:09Let's see you.

01:09:10Leave it!

01:09:15Arrest him!

01:09:16Come on!

01:09:17All!

01:09:18Look at it!

01:09:20Come on, let's go for a bottle, let's go for a red!

01:09:22Mother, let's go!

01:09:25Madam, we meet everywhere.

01:09:28Like D'Artagnan.

01:09:29Hey!

01:09:29If I mention that D'Artagnan again, I'll have a fit of rage.

01:09:32From Fultenberg's anger.

01:09:35There is no one in the alley now.

01:09:37Come on.

01:09:38Take these clothes.

01:09:39Yeah.

01:09:39I'll trade them for your sailor's suits.

01:09:42Fast!

01:09:42Runs!

01:09:44Run out!

01:09:45Someone stuck!

01:09:46The German has horses for you!

01:09:48To get to Paris on time, those horses have to be very fast.

01:09:52Specials.

01:09:53Yes they are.

01:09:54Well, you know how he is.

01:09:56It doesn't matter what those horses are like.

01:09:57I'll ride one anyway.

01:09:59Dice in the door!

01:10:00Bye bye!

01:10:01Who can?

01:10:03I tell you it's smooth.

01:10:05You have the face of a deputy.

01:10:07With this strange utilitarian carriage I will arrive in Paris in a few hours.

01:10:12Since the three musketeers won't find horses, they won't arrive at the ball in time and will surrender.

01:10:16Cut their throats and then say they went overboard shaving.

01:10:19Yes, Your Eminence.

01:10:20I'm going to laugh when the queen shows her panties to the people.

01:10:26I shouldn't have put on my hat to get into this car.

01:10:28Take my skirt to Paris.

01:10:29How come he doesn't come?

01:10:31The coachman to Paris?

01:10:39Run, run!

01:10:41Watch out, more are coming!

01:10:42Where to?

01:10:43To the German warehouse for her rare horses!

01:10:46I can't take it anymore!

01:10:47Come on, come on!

01:10:50We are taken!

01:10:53What do we do?

01:10:54Inside!

01:10:55It's fogged up!

01:10:58Ah!

01:10:59My horse without a goat!

01:11:00Mine without a bitch!

01:11:05We're packed!

01:11:06What do we do?

01:11:07Let's get out of here!

01:11:08Yeah!

01:11:09Turn around!

01:11:09Come on, let's go!

01:11:10For this!

01:11:11Come on!

01:11:12Come on!

01:11:13A!

01:11:14That!

01:11:15Come on!

01:11:15And to school!

01:11:16Forward!

01:11:18Follow me!

01:11:18Go for them!

01:11:23Turn around!

01:11:23There's no way out here!

01:11:26Come on, let's go!

01:11:27Follow me!

01:11:28Get out of the way!

01:11:29These horses are crazy!

01:11:32They die!

01:11:33Scoundrel!

01:11:34Oh!

01:11:34I'm dying!

01:11:34To Paris!

01:11:43With these horses we will get to the dance on time!

01:11:46Ha ha ha!

01:11:57Wow, what a pill we're on!

01:11:59One moment!

01:12:00One moment!

01:12:00Hey!

01:12:01My house is near here!

01:12:02Yeah!

01:12:03Let's change our clothes!

01:12:04Okay!

01:12:05We can't get to the palace like this!

01:12:06Okay!

01:12:07OK!

01:12:07Roll down your windshield!

01:12:08Hey!

01:12:09Follow me!

01:12:09Aran, my!

01:12:21Tie up the strange horses and wait!

01:12:23Okay, okay!

01:12:26Home!

01:12:27Sweet home!

01:12:28What a nice house, isn't it?

01:12:29Yeah!

01:12:29Fraga wanted to buy it to make a parador, but my mother didn't want it.

01:12:32Ha ha ha!

01:12:33Ha ha ha!

01:12:34Ha ha ha!

01:12:39You have to see what the Germans invent.

01:12:48Ah, from the castle!

01:12:49Your atitos is here, mom!

01:12:51Oh!

01:12:52My dear son!

01:12:53Mother!

01:12:54But...

01:12:54But the service is so bad that you have to do the cleaning yourself.

01:12:58Oh, son!

01:12:59If you only knew.

01:13:01Little Mother Mary of Caramel!

01:13:03You on the floor!

01:13:04What happened?

01:13:05Your wife, who has come with some documents signed by Richelieu that make her the owner

01:13:09and lady of all the possessions of the saints of Lombardy.

01:13:12Damned and a thousand times, damned!

01:13:14Fuck, man!

01:13:15What a pain!

01:13:17Where is?

01:13:18It has been installed in the main hall.

01:13:22She is the owner and mistress.

01:13:24And it humiliates me.

01:13:26It bothers me.

01:13:27And I haja.

01:13:28Do you also have it?

01:13:29Haja me.

01:13:30Look, the fairy.

01:13:31Oh, there you have it!

01:13:32But let it be!

01:13:33But that's because it's traveling.

01:13:35No, I think that...

01:13:36She's just stupid.

01:13:37Hey, where do you work?

01:13:39In the English court box.

01:13:40The one with the low cellar?

01:13:41No, no, the one with the...

01:13:42Well, now...

01:13:43That's enough.

01:13:45I won't kill the juice!

01:13:46Tomato?

01:13:46How tomato?

01:13:48Guys, you said juice.

01:13:49But what juice?

01:13:50Well, I played it.

01:13:50No, well, juice.

01:13:51There are many types of juice.

01:13:53And here no one is in charge but me, I am the owner.

01:13:57Yes, my lady.

01:13:58You have to call me Viscountess!

01:14:00I'll lower all your salaries even if Marcelino Camacho says mass.

01:14:05And let's not talk about it anymore!

01:14:06Out!

01:14:07Let's prepare the banner for the strike.

01:14:09And all the young men of my estate between the ages of 18 and 20, come this way.

01:14:16Since I have the right of first night, I'm going to beat them to death.

01:14:20Let's go!

01:14:22Charlotte!

01:14:22Ah, but her name is Carlota.

01:14:24That's what Dumas says.

01:14:26Argimiro!

01:14:27Come on, what about you, Argimiro?

01:14:29That's what my father said.

01:14:30Charlotte!

01:14:31It's over, Charlotte.

01:14:34You've done enough damage to the world.

01:14:37Your time has come.

01:14:38What time is it?

01:14:39The 103rd hour!

01:14:42Argimiro!

01:14:43What are you going to do?

01:14:45Kill you.

01:14:46It's the only thing I have left.

01:14:48I should have done it 50 years ago, but I never could.

01:14:54Because I've always loved you.

01:15:00And I still love you.

01:15:02In these moments when I am going to be...

01:15:04I'm going to be...

01:15:06How do you say this, man?

01:15:08Killer?

01:15:09No!

01:15:09No murderer!

01:15:10This means they have their faces covered.

01:15:13The most expensive vigilante!

01:15:14No, man, no!

01:15:16The sign of the fox!

01:15:16What sign, what sign!

01:15:19Won't he be an executioner?

01:15:19Executioner, yes!

01:15:21One moment.

01:15:22The thing is that a verduro is a woolen thing that peasants wear to keep warm.

01:15:25Come on, I say.

01:15:26Shut up!

01:15:26Utter state executioner!

01:15:27That being so.

01:15:29I notice a little thing that comes over me when my little girl Lolita gets married.

01:15:32You get this feeling like you don't want to kill me.

01:15:34No!

01:15:36As if it were...

01:15:38To cry.

01:15:41To cry.

01:15:43And I don't cry.

01:15:44And in this scene Atos always cries.

01:15:46Man, that can be fixed!

01:15:48Oh yes!

01:15:48Man, that can be fixed!

01:15:50Oh, how brutal!

01:15:51But thanks, mate.

01:15:53She cried.

01:15:58I'll be good!

01:15:59I'll just cheat on you...

01:16:01...three times a month.

01:16:03No!

01:16:04Man, if it's only three times, do you know you want to please?

01:16:06No!

01:16:07Look, neither for you nor for her.

01:16:09We left it at two and he talked to us more.

01:16:10Anymore.

01:16:14It is the justice of the Atos that is at stake.

01:16:25It's even in the bowl!

01:16:28Leave me alone!

01:16:29He finished me off!

01:16:31Now!

01:16:32I'm dying!

01:16:32But you should know that I cheated on you with the Duke of Buckingham and his three assistants!

01:16:42Let's get out of here!

01:16:43Poor Atos!

01:16:45Atos.

01:16:45Atos makes you get used to it.

01:16:47Yeah.

01:16:48Where?

01:16:49Where will I go?

01:16:51And I also cheated on you with your cousin Enrique.

01:16:55And with the Rouat de la France.

01:16:57And with 111 guard soldiers.

01:17:00I'll kill her!

01:17:01I'll kill her!

01:17:01Where will I go?

01:17:05Man, we can go see Vitorino, maybe the Charity side has a place for you.

01:17:10Well, let's go, let's go, let's go.

01:17:13Come on, come on, come on!

01:17:19And convert us, Borne!

01:17:24Let's go to Paris!

01:17:28Come on!

01:17:28The place is ours!

01:17:29To Paris!

01:17:36What noise is that?

01:17:37I don't know, it seems that Ángel Nieto is coming.

01:17:44Damn!

01:17:46Again!

01:17:47You know what I'm telling you?

01:17:48Let the Belgians eat shit!

01:17:50It's not fair!

01:17:51It's not fair!

01:17:52Wow, wow!

01:17:53It just can't be!

01:17:56Yes, it seems that...

01:17:57The queen is taking a long time, my dear Poodle.

01:18:02I say, my dear king.

01:18:03Yes, you know how women are.

01:18:07Today, apparently, it was his turn to scrub the gilding and clean the lamps.

01:18:11But the people are impatient to see the famous glittering garter.

01:18:14Apparently, a unique piece in the world, huh?

01:18:16Yes, there is no other option than yes.

01:18:18I have never given away...

01:18:20Come on, not me, never, no one, to anything.

01:18:23There's one thing I'm going to ask you.

01:18:25How many leagues does a league have?

01:18:27How do you know that you don't understand?

01:18:29No, I don't understand.

01:18:30Four.

01:18:31Two for each gambé.

01:18:32For each thigh.

01:18:34Four.

01:18:35So with two, things would be violent.

01:18:38This is the grand ballroom.

01:18:41This is the deadline that is looming for the world's most important painter.

01:18:45This is the courtier.

01:18:48This is Cardinal de Richelieu.

01:18:50This is the king.

01:18:51I love it, a little.

01:18:52Coming, coming, coming.

01:18:53Yes, yes, yes.

01:18:54What are payments?

01:18:56Oh, they're here.

01:18:58Goodbye, Chinese.

01:18:58Bye bye.

01:19:00This tourism thing is a drag.

01:19:01Yes, but it helps keep the royal coffers full, my dear German Shepherd.

01:19:04I say, my dear king.

01:19:06Yes, that's right.

01:19:08What are we going to do?

01:19:09I will say that the garter faded when I put it in the washing machine.

01:19:11Well, I still trust the knight of Artañan.

01:19:13And with so much!

01:19:15I haven't said anything.

01:19:16I didn't say anything!

01:19:16To the!

01:19:17I'm not going!

01:19:19Majesty.

01:19:20Notre-Roe says if you get off a damn thing, you see?

01:19:26Alright.

01:19:28Look.

01:19:32Richelieu is with him, isn't he?

01:19:34Yes, ma'am.

01:19:35And how I hate that pig!

01:19:38I'm going to become a Buddhist!

01:19:39Yes, yes.

01:19:39Goodbye, my faithful domestic employees.

01:19:44Bring me blankets and tobacco to the Bastille.

01:19:48Goodbye, daughters.

01:19:49And don't worry, your social security contributions have been paid this year.

01:19:55Poor.

01:19:56In the mess he's gotten himself into...

01:19:58Bitch!

01:19:59The Three Musketeers!

01:20:09This thing about the musketeers always having to enter through the glass windows is a pain.

01:20:14Today I find it like... like very funny.

01:20:16Quick, musketeers.

01:20:17Do you have the garter?

01:20:18Go on, get it out, Atos.

01:20:19I... but what I have here is a built-in glass.

01:20:21But... but I gave it to you at your house the day you became a widower.

01:20:24That?

01:20:25To... to me?

01:20:25No, to my father.

01:20:26I don't have it, huh?

01:20:27Oh, well, I don't have it either.

01:20:29Don't tell me you lost it.

01:20:30No?

01:20:30Well, what's not?

01:20:31That you have it.

01:20:31What won't I do?

01:20:32But what are you saying?

01:20:33What do you have?

01:20:34You must not doubt my word.

01:20:35And when I say I don't have it, I mean I don't...

01:20:38Here it is.

01:20:42The glitter garter.

01:20:47Thank goodness he showed up.

01:20:51Bartagnan!

01:20:57It's Artañán!

01:21:00The same one who dresses and wears shoes.

01:21:02I knew you would come.

01:21:06And on time, from what I see.

01:21:07Bring.

01:21:08I'll hand over the famous garter.

01:21:10Good work, but you're slower than the bad guy's horse.

01:21:14Goodbye, little ones.

01:21:15His fucking father.

01:21:16I'm going to cut you open.

01:21:17What we've been through to get it.

01:21:19Come here to my bowl.

01:21:19We'll still make it in time.

01:21:32Come on!

01:21:33Go ahead!

01:21:35Poor Garty, my little angel.

01:21:37Run, run!

01:21:37It's a mess, huh?

01:21:39What beasts, mother!

01:21:41What a way to beat the shit out of it!

01:21:42They even broke my pearl bridge!

01:21:45Come on!

01:21:49They sent me to Spain as a repatriation.

01:21:53What will my father say?

01:21:58Come on!

01:21:59Runs!

01:22:00Runs!

01:22:02Runs!

01:22:02Get in!

01:22:03Your Majesty!

01:22:04Your Majesty!

01:22:07But who are you?

01:22:08What are you doing?

01:22:08We are the three musketeers.

01:22:10We came to change your liguar.

01:22:11Should I put the light one on?

01:22:12Well yes, put it on.

01:22:13Where?

01:22:13Well, I don't know any leg.

01:22:14In blocks three!

01:22:19There you have it.

01:22:26Didn't you say he wasn't coming?

01:22:28No, he does come.

01:22:30But let's see what flirt he brings.

01:22:34If I'm having a good time,

01:22:35What a bad person I am to go to heaven for sure.

01:22:39Sorry, ma'am.

01:22:40What a great hookup you've given her.

01:22:44Be careful, you're hurting me.

01:22:45There, not there.

01:22:47No, I'm not into it.

01:22:57He sat on me.

01:22:58Sorry, sorry.

01:22:59Sorry, for the...

01:23:00Here I am, noble and beloved husband Louis XIII,

01:23:04King of France.

01:23:06And you look very pretty.

01:23:07Let's see if I can take a little walk tonight.

01:23:10through your rooms.

01:23:11You will be welcomed as always.

01:23:13Well then I'm ready.

01:23:15The garter, your majesty?

01:23:16The silly garter belt?

01:23:18Yes, Ana, daughter.

01:23:20Teach the cardinal and the whole court

01:23:22the famous glitter garter.

01:23:25But is it necessary?

01:23:27It is convenient.

01:23:28So that taxpayers know

01:23:29that the income tax money

01:23:31It is spent on things essential to the nation.

01:23:35Well, I'm very embarrassed,

01:23:37but if necessary...

01:23:39Nothing, nothing.

01:23:44Hello.

01:23:45I'm not going.

01:23:47Thank you, thank you.

01:23:48Thank you.

01:23:49It doesn't matter.

01:23:49No no.

01:23:50We are not men.

01:23:50No, we are not men.

01:23:51It was unintentional.

01:23:51Ours pass by.

01:23:52No no.

01:23:53Thank you.

01:23:54How are you?

01:23:55Hello.

01:23:55Get me out of here.

01:23:56Take it, take it.

01:23:56It doesn't matter.

01:23:58Thank you so much.

01:23:58Thank you.

01:24:01Are you satisfied?

01:24:02Extra, then, this...

01:24:05That?

01:24:07I don't understand you, Richelieu.

01:24:09Shut up, Saint Bernard, I'll explain it to you now.

01:24:11Don't be silly, wait, right?

01:24:12It is a gift that I allow myself to give to the queen

01:24:14so that your garter has six garters.

01:24:16Oh, and thank you very much, Cardinal.

01:24:18I'll wear it when I have three legs.

01:24:22And those three men under your skirts?

01:24:24We are his bodyguards.

01:24:25Or rather, their thigh guards.

01:24:27Like so much loose sausage today,

01:24:29This gem had to be watched

01:24:30in case anyone wants to take it.

01:24:32Sure, right, cardinal?

01:24:35Also, this is a unique piece.

01:24:37There is no other garter like it in the world.

01:24:39Right, Your Majesty?

01:24:41Yes, as far as I know...

01:24:43No, no, no.

01:24:45Jaca in the arena.

01:24:47He has no face, girl.

01:24:49How are you, teacher?

01:24:51What? What did you think of the movie?

01:24:53Did you like the version we made?

01:24:54of the three musketeers, Mr. Dumas?

01:24:56And here, and now is when it really

01:24:58begins his turn.

01:25:02Musketeer, musketeer, musketeer,

01:25:06kind-hearted musketeer.

01:25:10Musketeer, musketeer, musketeer,

01:25:13musketeer in a good chador.

01:25:16Musketeer, knows good love.

01:25:20Musketeer, coupon and coffee.

01:25:22It's a boy, boy, boy, boy,

01:25:25and he is going to be very stupid.

01:25:29And here, and here, and here.

01:25:59Ah! Ah! I am a mosquito-eater!

01:26:12Mosquito! Mosquito! Mosquito of your heart!

01:26:19Mosquito man! Mosquito man! Your little mosquito man, Chacón!

01:26:25Mosquito! ...

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