Jim Jefferies And Friends Season 1 Episode 1

Reality Realm US

Jim Jefferies And Friends Season 1 Episode 1  #RealityRealmUS Reality Realm US

Transcript

00:00Strap yourselves in, because it's time for Jim Jeffreys and Friends.

00:04Starring Arge Barker, Mel Bottle, Canadian superstar Glenn Wool and Nicky Osborne.

00:12Now, please welcome Jim Jeffreys.

00:21Thank you, sir.

00:24Don't think it goes unnoticed, mate.

00:27Only one of you did the standing ovation.

00:30Thank you, sir.

00:32No, no, no.

00:35First of all, this won't get on the show, but well done, Channel 7, eh?

00:39Channel 7, the only network that would fucking have me on.

00:43There was something, Channel 7, go like this, I'll just give him a game show.

00:48And they're like, have you Googled his material?

00:50Nah, just...

00:51I think he says **** a lot.

00:55Yeah, give him a game show.

00:58And then the game show did well, and they're like this, do you want to do a stand-up show?

01:02And I'm like, ah, well, there'll be a lot of swearing.

01:05And they were like, we're Channel 7, we don't care, we'll put it on at 9.30.

01:09Nowhere else in the world would fucking put this level of swearing on network TV except for Australia.

01:16God bless you.

01:18One of my favourite things about Australia, right, is that we're the only nation in the world

01:23that have a practical joke that we've all agreed on.

01:29And the entire nation has done this.

01:31And if you tell other people, if you tell kids or foreigners about this, you're a fucking rat fuck.

01:37And what's that practical joke?

01:43Drop bears.

01:44Two fucking rioters.

01:47That's why I never want this show to air overseas.

01:49Just in here.

01:50We can't let the others know.

01:54I fucking love the drop bears.

01:56I've done it to me children.

01:58Every girl I've ever brought back to Australia, I've fucking done the drop bears.

02:02It's brilliant.

02:03My wife, I got married during COVID to a British woman.

02:10Moans a lot.

02:11Anyway, so, you know how they are.

02:20Anyway, so I got married to a British woman, right?

02:24And so, during COVID, I got her pregnant because what else was there to do?

02:29There was nothing to do.

02:31You could only watch so many TV shows before you got someone fucking pregnant.

02:35Anyway, see, that's the worst thing about being heterosexual, right?

02:40The worst thing about being heterosexual is that we have kids.

02:45Now, I know we're in Melbourne, so there's a lot of you like this.

02:49Oh, I think you'll find that gay people can have kids as well.

02:52Not by accident!

03:00But I love them.

03:01I love them.

03:07Anyway, so my wife, pregnant.

03:08We came out to Australia to film a documentary that never saw the light of day.

03:13We're out here and my wife's pregnant and she's the first day in Australia

03:18and we have to do something out in the bush, right?

03:20And they're filming us and we just met the crew and we're walking along

03:23and we're walking through the bush and you start subtle with it, don't you?

03:27You don't go in too hard.

03:29You don't get to the edge of the bush and go,

03:31bloody drop bears in there, you've got to give it a bit of this.

03:33Just a subtle...

03:43Until eventually she's like, what?

03:45What's going on?

03:46Like, it's nothing.

03:48No, we're good.

03:52No, we are.

03:53We're good.

03:54We're good.

03:55What is it?

03:56And I go, okay, well...

03:58I don't want to upset you.

04:00Now, the guy's filming us over there.

04:01I go, I don't want to upset you,

04:03but there's these animals called drop bears

04:05and they're like koala-like animals that are in the trees

04:12and when they see you, they drop down

04:14and then they grab you on the face

04:15and they start clawing your face off.

04:20But they're very rare, right?

04:24So I wouldn't worry about it.

04:26And then the cameraman dropped his camera like this.

04:33My cousin died from one.

04:35And then right there, I don't even know that guy's name.

04:42Me and him now, we're fucking mates for life, right?

04:46We're mates for life.

04:48We're in because that's your job as an Australian

04:50is to join in.

04:52When you hear others mention the drop bears, you confirm.

04:57Right?

04:57So now my wife, who's pregnant, is terrified all day.

05:01Great joke, right?

05:02She's walking...

05:04Later on in the day, she's getting her make-up done

05:07before we do the next bit of the documentary.

05:09A woman from the crew, British girl, right?

05:12You know the type.

05:13Straight from fruit picking.

05:14Right?

05:15Now she's...

05:16She's putting the make-up on my wife

05:21and she goes,

05:21Don't let those boys upset you.

05:24Don't let those boys upset you.

05:26I've only ever seen two of them.

05:28And I...

05:28Oh, good for you.

05:33Because she had had the drop bear joke played on her.

05:37And your reward is,

05:38then you become part of the drop bear joke

05:41and you pass it on to others.

05:43So now my wife's really terrified.

05:46I thought that's the fucking end of it, right?

05:49And then out of nowhere,

05:50my wife's in the make-up chair.

05:51I've only ever seen two.

05:52Then a bloke who had nothing to do with production.

05:55Who was just walking through the bush.

05:58You know the type of bloke,

06:00old fella.

06:01He's got a plastic bag

06:02and it just has an apple in it.

06:05And he walked out and he went,

06:07No, they're bad this season.

06:08So that really did happen.

06:15And then at the end,

06:16my wife comes back to LA.

06:18We're in LA.

06:19She's talking to her friend.

06:21She's, you know, pregnant.

06:22She's talking to her agent.

06:24My wife's an actress.

06:24She's talking to her agent on the phone.

06:26And she's like this,

06:27Oh yes, we had a lovely trip to Australia.

06:29It was wonderful.

06:30It was a shame it got shut down.

06:31But I tell you what,

06:32I was scared of those drop bears.

06:35And then she starts telling this person.

06:37She's like they're bears with claws

06:39that fall from trees and climb.

06:42And I'm like,

06:43Oh no.

06:45It's gone too far.

06:47Her agent's going to think

06:49that she's mentally challenged.

06:54And my wife got off the phone

06:57and I went,

06:58Hey,

07:00the drop bear thing.

07:03It's not true.

07:06What?

07:06None of it's true.

07:09She goes,

07:09but the cameraman

07:10and the man with the bag

07:13and the apple.

07:16They were just fine Australians.

07:22So here's the deal.

07:25Now you

07:26are part of it.

07:28Now you

07:31can tell

07:32when that child

07:33comes out of you

07:34in a few short years

07:37together

07:37we can tell him

07:39or her

07:40about the drop bears.

07:43And my wife said,

07:44I'll never tell our child

07:45about drop bears.

07:47And I went,

07:48then you'll never be Australian.

07:49my father

08:03is in the audience.

08:07My dad

08:08and my uncle Brian

08:09they look like

08:10the two old

08:10from the Muppet Show

08:11don't they?

08:12Now if you've ever

08:15enjoyed my comedy

08:17over the years

08:17if you've found me funny

08:19if you've liked my work

08:21that man

08:22you have to thank that man

08:23because all I've done

08:25my whole life

08:25is impersonate him.

08:29He's the funniest man

08:30on earth.

08:32But also

08:33if you have found me

08:35irritating,

08:36opinionated

08:37and a bit of an arsehole

08:38at times

08:38you can thank him.

08:40You can thank him.

08:42He's also

08:43it all comes from him.

08:47He is what he is

08:48I brought him up that way

08:49I suppose

08:49and

08:50I'm very proud of him.

08:53Yes.

08:54Coming up

08:55Mel Bottle

08:56Nicky Osborne

08:58Glenn Woolf

08:59and

09:00Arj Barker.

09:02My Aussie friends

09:02always try to convince me

09:03is him

09:04Arjee mate.

09:05The snakes

09:07are just as afraid

09:08of you

09:09as you are of them.

09:11I'm like really?

09:12Are you telling me

09:12the snakes

09:13are sitting up all night

09:14fucking googling me?

09:18This is

09:19Jim Jeffries and Friends.

09:25This is

09:26Jim Jeffries and Friends.

09:32Ladies and gentlemen

09:33an ex-comedian

09:35is an American comic

09:36who's an Australian

09:37household name.

09:39You all know him.

09:41Please go crazy.

09:42For Mr.

09:43Arj Barker.

09:50Thank you very much.

09:52Great time.

09:54First I just

09:54That's my baby's here.

09:56Okay.

09:58Well I actually

09:59wanted to say that

10:00if there are any babies

10:01here

10:01welcome.

10:02Welcome.

10:05Stay as long

10:08as you'd like

10:09and

10:09by all means

10:11drink up.

10:15You know

10:15I'm

10:16thank you.

10:22Yeah I'm delighted

10:23to be in front

10:24of a positive

10:25group of people.

10:26I'm feeling

10:26a little emotional

10:27because it's

10:29actually a really

10:29important day

10:30in my family.

10:30it's my beloved

10:32great-great-grandfather's

10:34birthday today

10:34and thank you.

10:36He did pass a while

10:37back but

10:38you know

10:39it's always

10:40a reflective day.

10:43He would have been

10:45247 today.

10:49Kind of hard not to think

10:53what if things

10:53had gone differently

10:54I guess.

10:55I mean

10:57to be fair

10:57we weren't

10:58super close.

11:01He died

11:02when I was

11:03only

11:03negative 84

11:04so

11:04I am

11:07still

11:07trying to

11:08hang on

11:08to my

11:08New Year's

11:09promises

11:09I made

11:10to myself.

11:10I did

11:11the most

11:11classic one

11:12I said

11:12I'm going

11:12to exercise

11:13more

11:13and I

11:14don't mind

11:14when I'm

11:14home

11:15go out

11:15in the garage

11:16hang out

11:16with the dogs

11:17but I'm

11:17on the road

11:18a lot

11:18and then

11:19I got

11:19to go

11:20to the gym

11:20and I

11:21hate

11:21going

11:22to the gym

11:22hate it

11:23because I

11:24just sweat

11:25so much

11:26at the gym

11:26I really

11:27do

11:28because I

11:29don't have

11:29a membership

11:30I'm not

11:36supposed to

11:37be there

11:37it's

11:38super

11:39stressful

11:39and it's

11:41also really

11:42uncomfortable

11:42working out

11:43in a janitor's

11:44uniform

11:44but most

11:47health experts

11:47say that

11:48you know

11:49if you eat

11:49the right

11:49foods

11:50like you

11:50get

11:50everything

11:51you need

11:51from your

11:52diet

11:52you need

11:53a good

11:53variety

11:53of healthy

11:54food

11:54you get

11:54everything

11:55you need

11:55but just

11:56in case

11:56I do

11:57still take

11:57a once

11:58a day

11:58multi

11:59painkiller

12:00because it

12:02has everything

12:02I need

12:03it has

12:03Nurofen

12:04for my

12:04neck pain

12:05it has

12:05some

12:06Panadol

12:06for the

12:06pain

12:07in my

12:07lower

12:07back

12:07and it

12:08has

12:08just

12:08a touch

12:09of

12:09morphine

12:09for the

12:11pain

12:11in my

12:11childhood

12:12I did

12:15go to

12:16a natural

12:16healer

12:16recently

12:17and the

12:18first thing

12:18he said

12:18we got

12:19to get

12:19you off

12:19gluten

12:19and I

12:20said

12:20well I'm

12:21not

12:21celiac

12:21I don't

12:21have that

12:22condition

12:22he said

12:22it's

12:23not about

12:23that

12:23it's about

12:23how it's

12:24going to

12:24make you

12:25feel

12:25Arch

12:25I said

12:27alright

12:27well I'm

12:27paying this

12:28guy money

12:28I might as

12:28well give it

12:29a shot

12:29and I just

12:30checked backstage

12:30I'm now

12:31it's hard to

12:32believe I'm

12:32nearly six

12:33weeks gluten

12:33free

12:34and I just

12:35want to say

12:35this

12:35if anybody

12:36here tonight

12:37is even

12:37considering

12:38quitting

12:38eating gluten

12:39for any

12:39reason at

12:40all

12:40I want to

12:41tell you

12:42this

12:42it's

12:42actually

12:43not that

12:44bad

12:44it isn't

12:45in fact

12:46the only

12:46thing that

12:47I really

12:47miss

12:47is

12:48happiness

12:49but

12:53under that

12:54I'm

12:54going to

12:54really

12:54notice

12:54do you

12:56know what

12:56gluten is

12:57it's so

12:57simple

12:58technically

12:58gluten is

12:59the protein

13:00which makes

13:00food edible

13:01and

13:05gluten is

13:07primarily found

13:07in fucking

13:08everything

13:09of course

13:11that's not

13:11entirely true

13:12and since

13:12I have

13:13become a bit

13:13of an expert

13:14I don't

13:14mind enlightening

13:14you

13:15the main

13:16foods

13:16which do

13:17not

13:17contain

13:18gluten

13:18are

13:19apples

13:20you know

13:23so it's

13:23not that

13:24bad

13:24about

13:3035

13:31species

13:32of

13:32apple

13:32so this

13:34healer

13:34he's also

13:35the king

13:35of natural

13:36supplements

13:36and so

13:37now he

13:37has me

13:38taking

13:38turmeric

13:39have you

13:39heard of

13:39turmeric

13:40turmeric

13:41and magnesium

13:42four times

13:43a day

13:44which is

13:44a lot

13:45but he

13:46said I

13:46should

13:46do

13:46that

13:47because

13:47he

13:47doesn't

13:48think

13:48that

13:48I'm

13:48getting

13:48enough

13:49diarrhea

13:50and I

13:54gotta tell

13:54you

13:55it's

13:56it's

13:58really

13:58doing

13:59the

13:59trick

13:59this

14:02is a

14:02lovely

14:03audience

14:04unfortunately

14:05we don't

14:06have much

14:06time

14:06left

14:07and I'm

14:08not

14:08referring

14:08to the

14:09performance

14:09I mean

14:10like

14:10read

14:10the

14:10news

14:10two

14:13and

14:13two

14:13together

14:14I was

14:15reading an

14:15article

14:16about

14:16climate

14:16change

14:16the other

14:17day

14:17and it

14:17was

14:17quite a

14:18good

14:18article

14:18but more

14:20than once

14:20they referred

14:20to it

14:21as a

14:21climate

14:21predicament

14:22and I

14:22was like

14:23nah guys

14:23I think

14:25maybe

14:2515-20

14:26years ago

14:26sure

14:27climate

14:28predicament

14:28but I

14:28think we're

14:29past that

14:29now

14:30I think

14:31we're

14:31pretty much

14:32in a

14:33straight up

14:34dickament

14:34by this

14:35point

14:35it's

14:37climate

14:37dickament

14:37folks

14:38and I

14:40also

14:40want

14:40to go

14:40on the

14:40record

14:40and say

14:41that

14:41I

14:41think

14:41dickament

14:42is the

14:42worst

14:42flavor

14:42of

14:43chewing

14:43gum

14:43I

14:47care

14:49about

14:49the

14:49environment

14:50I

14:51love

14:51the

14:51environment

14:52it's

14:52one

14:52of my

14:52favorite

14:52places

14:53like

14:53when

14:53the

14:53weekend

14:54comes

14:54where'd

14:54Arch

14:54go

14:55have

14:55you

14:55looked

14:55in

14:56the

14:56environment

14:56because

14:58I

14:58love

14:59nature

14:59I

15:00love

15:00hiking

15:01I

15:01don't

15:01hike

15:02much

15:02in

15:02Australia

15:02because

15:03I'm

15:03aware

15:04of what

15:04lives

15:04out

15:04there

15:05so

15:05I'm

15:05a

15:06little

15:06nervous

15:06and

15:06my

15:07Aussie

15:07friends

15:07always

15:07try

15:07to

15:08convince

15:08me

15:08they

15:09say

15:09the

15:10snakes

15:12are

15:12just

15:13as

15:13afraid

15:13of

15:13you

15:13as

15:14you

15:14are

15:14of

15:14them

15:14I'm

15:16like

15:16really

15:16are

15:17you

15:17telling

15:17me

15:17the

15:17snakes

15:17are

15:18sitting

15:18up

15:18all

15:18night

15:18fucking

15:19googling

15:19me

15:20is

15:25the

15:25archbarker

15:26deadly

15:26and he

15:27kills

15:28us

15:28how

15:29did

15:29we

15:29know

15:29the

15:29good

15:29archbarkers

15:30from

15:30the

15:30bad

15:30archbarkers

15:31the

15:32archbarker

15:33stepped

15:33on

15:33us

15:34how

15:34long

15:34does

15:34we

15:34have

15:34to

15:34get

15:34to

15:35the

15:35hospital

15:35said

15:36does

15:36we

15:36have

15:3620

15:37minutes

15:37or

15:3730

15:37minutes

15:38any

15:38other

15:38questions

15:39fellas

15:39but that's

15:41actually a

15:41really good

15:41one

15:42why does

15:42we have

15:43arms

15:43how does

15:43we

15:43type

15:44in

15:44severe

15:44snakes

15:45well

15:47I think

15:47you're

15:47a lizard

15:48who

15:49actually

15:50infiltrated

15:50this

15:51joke

15:51and

15:53you're

15:53taking

15:54dictation

15:54from

15:54the

15:54snakes

15:55that's

15:56what

15:57I

15:57think

15:57is

15:57going

15:57on

15:57I

16:00am

16:00a

16:01big

16:01animal

16:01lover

16:01but

16:02my

16:02favorite

16:02animals

16:03are

16:03my

16:04dogs

16:04I

16:05am

16:05a

16:05first

16:05time

16:06dog

16:06owner

16:06and

16:07I'm

16:07goo

16:08goo

16:08ga

16:08over

16:08those

16:09little

16:09girls

16:10I

16:10love

16:10my

16:10dogs

16:10like

16:11they're

16:12like

16:12a

16:12crowbar

16:13they

16:13rip

16:14my

16:14heart

16:14wide

16:14open

16:15and

16:15the

16:16love

16:16that's

16:16coming

16:16out

16:16it's

16:17not

16:17dog

16:17love

16:17or

16:18species

16:18specific

16:19it's

16:19just

16:19love

16:19it

16:19just

16:20means

16:20I

16:20would

16:20do

16:20anything

16:21for

16:22them

16:22anything

16:22I

16:27even

16:28if

16:28they

16:28weren't

16:28in

16:29there

16:29I

16:31say

16:31fuck

16:31it

16:31I'm

16:32going

16:32in

16:32tell

16:33them

16:33I

16:33did

16:34it

16:34for

16:34them

16:34and

16:36people

16:36say

16:36well

16:36you're

16:36an

16:37idiot

16:37Arch

16:37because

16:37if

16:37you

16:37drop

16:38dead

16:38in

16:38your

16:38kitchen

16:38your

16:39dogs

16:39would

16:39eat

16:39you

16:39well

16:40I

16:40sure

16:40hope

16:41so

16:41because

16:41we

16:41don't

16:41waste

16:42food

16:42in

16:42my

16:42house

16:42and

16:44hopefully

16:44my

16:45spirit

16:45will

16:45be

16:45floating

16:46over

16:46them

16:46like

16:46good

16:46girls

16:47finish

16:49your

16:49dad

16:49but

16:54the

16:55dog

16:55owners

16:55here

16:55are

16:55you

16:56dog

16:56owners

16:56here

16:56yeah

16:57you

16:57know

16:57this

16:58is

16:58true

16:58this

16:58is

16:58true

16:59right

16:59if

16:59you're

16:59not

16:59in

16:59charge

17:00they'll

17:00take

17:00over

17:00the

17:00house

17:01and

17:01as

17:02much

17:02as

17:02I

17:25or

17:26they

17:26want

17:26to

17:27there's

17:29not

17:29going

17:29to

17:29be

17:29any

17:29more

17:30discussion

17:30on

17:30that

17:30I'll

17:31tell

17:31you

17:31that

17:31right

17:31now

17:31you

17:35know

17:35and

17:35if

17:36any

17:36of

17:36you

17:36ever

17:36were

17:36a

17:36guest

17:37in

17:37my

17:37home

17:37you

17:37would

17:37know

17:38that

17:38I

17:38was

17:38in

17:38charge

17:38because

17:39if

17:39you

17:39go

17:39to

17:39someone's

17:39house

17:39and

17:40they're

17:40not

17:40in

17:40charge

17:40of

17:40their

17:40dog

17:41the

17:41second

17:42you

17:42walk

17:42through

17:42that

17:43door

17:43the

17:43dog

17:43sees

17:43you

17:44as

17:44a

17:44target

17:44and

17:45they

17:45know

17:46that

17:46the

17:46very

17:47split

17:47second

17:47food

17:48comes

17:48out

17:48that

17:49dog

17:49is

17:49sitting

17:50one

17:50inch

17:50from

17:50you

17:50sitting

17:51there

17:51on

17:51the

17:51floor

17:51giving

17:52you

17:52the

17:52saddest

17:53eyes

17:53in

17:53the

17:53history

17:54of

17:54sadness

17:55just

17:55like

17:56I'm

17:56so

17:57sad

17:57right

17:58now

17:58but

17:59maybe

18:00if

18:00I

18:00could

18:00just

18:00have

18:01some

18:01of

18:01your

18:01foods

18:01then

18:02I

18:02guess

18:02I

18:02wouldn't

18:02be

18:02as

18:03sad

18:03anymore

18:03that

18:04probably

18:04helped

18:04me

18:04out

18:04a

18:05whole

18:05lot

18:05actually

18:05because

18:07we

18:07don't

18:08do

18:08that

18:08shit

18:08in

18:08my

18:09house

18:09in

18:10my

18:10house

18:11if

18:11you

18:11want

18:11something

18:12you

18:12bark

18:13loud

18:13and

18:13you

18:13bark

18:13aggressively

18:14and

18:17you

18:17snarl

18:18if

18:18need

18:18be

18:18or

18:19you

18:20can

18:20get

18:20your

18:20ass

18:20off

18:21the

18:21kitchen

18:21table

18:21because

18:24I

18:25want

18:25to be

18:25real

18:25clear

18:25about

18:26one

18:26thing

18:26dad

18:28didn't

18:28build

18:29special

18:29table

18:29stairs

18:30for

18:30this

18:30nonsense

18:31thank

18:35you

18:35very

18:35much

18:35good

18:35night

18:36everybody

18:36thank

18:37you

18:38after

18:44the

18:44break

18:45Glenn

18:46wool

18:46nikki

18:47osborne

18:48and

18:48mel

18:49butto

18:49i

18:50kind

18:50of

18:51identify

18:51as

18:51my

18:51kid's

18:52dad

18:52i don't

18:53get

18:54this

18:54mixed

18:54up

18:54i'm

18:54not

18:55saying

18:55i think

18:55i'm

18:55male

18:56or

18:56confused

18:56about

18:57my

18:57gender

18:57that's

18:57not

18:57what

18:57i'm

18:57saying

18:58what

18:58i'm

18:58saying

18:58is

18:59i

18:59don't

18:59help

19:00with

19:00the

19:00baby

19:00that

19:00much

19:08ladies and

19:18gentlemen

19:18our next

19:19comedian

19:19comes from

19:20rural

19:20queensland

19:21she's been

19:21on every

19:22tv show

19:23you can

19:23imagine

19:24on other

19:24channels

19:25that i can't

19:25mention

19:26right now

19:27ladies and

19:28gentlemen

19:28please

19:28welcome

19:29mel

19:30butto

19:30hello

19:31g'day

19:32oh

19:33thank you

19:34thanks mel

19:36this is fun

19:38this is really

19:38fun

19:38i've got an

19:3918 month

19:39old

19:39little boy

19:40at home

19:41and he's

19:41good

19:41he's a

19:42good boy

19:42he's

19:42pretty cool

19:43you gotta

19:43say that

19:43gotta keep

19:44the chatter

19:44positive

19:44you can't

19:45say what

19:45you really

19:45think

19:46or people

19:46call the

19:46government

19:47um

19:47what i

19:49really

19:49think

19:49is

19:49my

19:49hand

19:49fits

19:50right

19:50around

19:50his

19:50neck

19:50anyway

19:51um

19:51but i

19:53didn't

19:54carry

19:54the

19:54baby

19:55i'll

19:55be

19:55honest

19:55with

19:55you

19:55really

19:56nice

19:56i didn't

19:56carry

19:57the

19:57baby

19:57in

19:57my

19:57body

19:57because

19:57i'm

19:58in

19:58showbiz

19:58didn't

19:59have

19:59to

19:59i just

20:02don't

20:02think

20:02i could

20:02do

20:03this

20:03job

20:03being

20:03pregnant

20:04i don't

20:04think

20:04i could

20:04do

20:05it

20:05like

20:05i don't

20:05think

20:05you

20:05would

20:06hear

20:06a

20:06word

20:06that

20:07i

20:07say

20:07because

20:08i

20:08don't

20:08hear

20:08anything

20:08pregnant

20:09women

20:09say

20:10like

20:10the

20:10big

20:10bellies

20:11and

20:11stuff

20:11because

20:11the

20:12voice

20:12in

20:13my

20:13head

20:13is

20:13so

20:13loud

20:14just

20:14going

20:14yuck

20:15you

20:17led

20:17him

20:17didn't

20:18you

20:18fucking

20:18grub

20:19what a

20:22disgusting

20:22woman

20:23but no

20:25my

20:26missus

20:26did

20:26it

20:26she

20:26carried

20:27the

20:27baby

20:27why

20:28is

20:28that

20:29because

20:29i

20:29had

20:29an

20:29option

20:29that's

20:30why

20:30nah

20:32it's

20:32because

20:32she's

20:33not

20:33that

20:33good

20:33at

20:33rock

20:33paper

20:33scissors

20:34if

20:34i'm

20:34honest

20:34anyway

20:35yeah

20:40i don't

20:40know

20:40this

20:40is

20:40weird

20:41to

20:41say

20:41i'm

20:41going

20:42to

20:42tell

20:42you

20:42this

20:43right

20:43i

20:43kind

20:43of

20:44identify

20:44as

20:44my

20:44kid

20:45dad

20:45and

20:46it's

20:46weird

20:46to

20:46and

20:46don't

20:47get

20:47this

20:47mixed

20:47up

20:47i'm

20:47not

20:47saying

20:48i

20:48think

20:48i'm

20:48male

20:49or

20:49i'm

20:49confused

20:49about

20:49my

20:50gender

20:50that's

20:50not

20:50what

20:50i'm

20:50saying

20:51what

20:51i'm

20:51saying

20:51is

20:52i

20:52don't

20:52help

20:53with

20:53the

20:53baby

20:53that

20:53much

20:54there's

20:57a few

20:57women

20:57in the

20:57audience

20:57did

20:58you hear

20:58that

20:58daryl

20:58that's

20:59funny

20:59said

21:01she

21:01didn't

21:01help

21:02i might

21:03mention

21:03it

21:03twice

21:04when

21:04the

21:04car

21:04on

21:04the

21:04way

21:04home

21:05my

21:07favorite

21:07bit

21:07of

21:07the

21:08show

21:08i

21:10think

21:10the

21:10role

21:11of

21:11dads

21:12has

21:12changed

21:13the

21:13most

21:13over

21:14the

21:14years

21:14right

21:15because

21:15i

21:15saw

21:15a

21:15dad

21:15recently

21:16i

21:16saw

21:17a

21:17melbourne

21:17dad

21:17getting

21:18around

21:18this

21:18is

21:18what

21:18he

21:18had

21:18going

21:19on

21:19he

21:19had

21:19a

21:19baby

21:19strapped

21:20to

21:20his

21:20chest

21:20right

21:21and

21:22he's

21:22walking

21:22his

21:22oodle

21:23doodle

21:23poodle

21:24noodle

21:25if you

21:26wanted

21:26a

21:26pet

21:26you

21:26should

21:26have

21:27got

21:27a

21:27dog

21:27idiot

21:27anyway

21:28he's

21:29walking

21:29his

21:30bath

21:30mat

21:30cross

21:30shower

21:31cap

21:31thing

21:31and

21:32in

21:33addition

21:34he's

21:34also

21:34pulling

21:35one

21:35of

21:35these

21:35carts

21:36behind

21:36him

21:36that

21:37they've

21:37all

21:37got

21:37these

21:38days

21:38and

21:38in

21:38the

21:38cart

21:38there's

21:39two

21:39more

21:40kids

21:41sir

21:41you're

21:41a

21:42father

21:42of

21:42three

21:43it's

21:43time

21:43to

21:43purchase

21:43a

21:44motor

21:44vehicle

21:44okay

21:45for

21:46Finch

21:47and

21:47Scout

21:47and

21:48fucking

21:48Peach

21:48or

21:48whatever

21:48it

21:49is

21:49anyway

21:49I

21:51think

21:52dads

21:52have

21:52had

21:52a

21:52very

21:53different

21:53expansion

21:54to

21:55their

21:55role

21:55right

21:56because

21:56when

21:56I

21:56was

21:56growing

21:56up

22:01Friday

22:01I

22:01didn't

22:02see

22:02much

22:02of

22:02my

22:02dad

22:03at

22:03all

22:03now

22:04my

22:04parents

22:04were

22:04married

22:04we

22:05all

22:05lived

22:05in

22:05the

22:05same

22:06house

22:06but

22:06dad's

22:06busy

22:07dad's

22:07at

22:08wine

22:08club

22:08dad's

22:08in

22:08the

22:09shed

22:09dad's

22:09under

22:09the

22:09house

22:10dad's

22:10just

22:10wherever

22:10you

22:11are

22:11not

22:11so

22:11you

22:13saw

22:13your

22:13dad

22:14in

22:14the

22:1480s

22:14when

22:14you

22:14saw

22:15a

22:15vionetta

22:15that was

22:16it

22:16remember

22:19that

22:19mum would

22:19make a

22:20special

22:20dinner

22:20with

22:21spaghetti

22:21bognese

22:22with

22:22garlic

22:23bread

22:23and

22:23a

22:23salad

22:23whoa

22:24right

22:25then

22:25a

22:25vionetta

22:26with

22:26a

22:26birthday

22:26cake

22:27candle

22:27would

22:27come

22:28out

22:28in

22:28it

22:28and

22:29dad

22:29would

22:29go

22:29uh-oh

22:30it's

22:30someone's

22:31birthday

22:31he didn't

22:33know

22:33who

22:33not

22:33his

22:34job

22:34right

22:34do you

22:36remember

22:36the slice

22:37of vionetta

22:37that you

22:38would get

22:38as well

22:39that your

22:39mum would

22:40give you

22:40your mum

22:40would be

22:41like

22:41with a

22:41scalpel

22:42shaving

22:42off

22:43the

22:43tiniest

22:43thinnest

22:44little

22:44fucking

22:44slither

22:45of

22:45vionetta

22:46and

22:47then

22:47the bit

22:47dad

22:47he'd get

22:47to be

22:48like

22:48junk

22:48the size

22:49of a

22:49bible

22:49and

22:51your mum

22:51would go

22:52take

22:52that

22:52over

22:52to

22:52your

22:52father

22:53what

22:55do I

22:56want

22:56to be

22:56when I

22:56grow up

22:56a

22:56dad

22:57please

22:57you

23:02know

23:02money

23:02shoes

23:03and

23:03fries

23:03and

23:03not

23:04a

23:04lot

23:04of

23:04your

23:04dad

23:04growing

23:04up

23:04but

23:05Saturday

23:05morning

23:05some

23:06very

23:06special

23:06Saturday

23:06mornings

23:07my

23:08dad

23:08would

23:08come

23:08into

23:08my

23:08room

23:09and

23:09he'd

23:09say

23:09to

23:09me

23:10the

23:10most

23:10beautiful

23:10sentence

23:11a

23:11father

23:11can

23:12say

23:12to

23:12his

23:17oh

23:19my

23:19god

23:19I

23:19want

23:19nothing

23:19more

23:20than

23:20go

23:20to

23:20the

23:21dump

23:21with

23:21you

23:22wow

23:23you'd

23:23rub it

23:24into

23:24your

23:24mum

23:24a

23:24bit

23:25remember

23:25dad

23:25and

23:26I

23:26go

23:26to

23:26the

23:26dump

23:26just

23:26see you

23:27later

23:27just

23:27dad

23:28and

23:28I

23:28after

23:28the

23:29dump

23:29not

23:30you

23:30not

23:30invited

23:30mum

23:31be

23:31like

23:31have

23:31fun

23:32you

23:32too

23:32pouring

23:33your

23:33first

23:33glass

23:33of

23:33wine

23:33for

23:34the

23:34day

23:34at

23:3410

23:34am

23:34I'm

23:36from

23:36Queensland

23:37so

23:37that's

23:37the

23:37gesture

23:38for

23:38pouring

23:38a

23:38glass

23:39of

23:39wine

23:39it's

23:39a

23:39cask

23:40just

23:40sort of

23:44translate

23:45cross

23:45culture

23:46there

23:46did

23:48anyone else

23:48have a

23:49nighty

23:49mum

23:49a mum

23:50that was

23:50just

23:50in a

23:51nighty

23:51your

23:51entire

23:51childhood

23:52like

23:54she

23:54would

23:54pick

23:54you

23:54up

23:55from

23:55school

23:55at

23:55three

23:55o'clock

23:56you'd

23:57be

23:57home

23:57at

23:57ten

23:58past

23:58three

23:58fifteen

23:59bang

23:59nighty

24:00on

24:00just

24:03a

24:03really

24:03clear

24:03visual

24:04symbol

24:04that

24:04you're

24:04not

24:04going

24:05anywhere

24:05and

24:05don't

24:05ask

24:06saturday

24:10morning

24:10she'd

24:10wake

24:10up

24:11take

24:11off

24:11her

24:11sleep

24:11nighty

24:12put

24:12her

24:12day

24:12nighty

24:13on

24:13she's

24:13ready

24:13to

24:13go

24:13far

24:16away

24:16in my

24:16brain

24:17right

24:17next to

24:18going

24:18in the

24:18dump

24:19with

24:19dad

24:19is

24:19going

24:20to

24:20a

24:20landscape

24:20supply

24:21store

24:21as

24:21well

24:22right

24:22this

24:23is

24:23the

24:23precursor

24:24to

24:24Bunnings

24:24and

24:25let

24:25me

24:25say

24:26this

24:26you

24:27would

24:27just

24:27leave

24:27for

24:28the

24:28day

24:28and

24:28go

24:29out

24:29with

24:29your

24:29dad

24:30with

24:30what

24:30I

24:30have

24:31on

24:31me

24:31right

24:31now

24:31absolutely

24:32nothing

24:32you

24:33would

24:33just

24:33get

24:33in

24:33the

24:33car

24:34and

24:34go

24:35you

24:35hearing

24:36me

24:36under

24:3635

24:36no

24:37drink

24:37bottle

24:37nothing

24:38no

24:40bento

24:40style

24:40lunchbox

24:41nothing

24:43no

24:43rashy

24:44no

24:44sunscreen

24:44no

24:45digital

24:45device

24:45no

24:46ipad

24:46no

24:46backpack

24:47no

24:48self

24:48esteem

24:48nothing

24:48so

24:51the

24:51landscape

24:52supply

24:52store

24:52was

24:53one

24:53of

24:53the

24:53most

24:53boring

24:53places

24:54you

24:54could

24:54go

24:54with

24:54your

24:54dad

24:54and

24:54you

24:55would

24:55get

24:55there

24:55and

24:55there's

24:55only

24:55one

24:56highlight

24:56which

24:56was

25:01that

25:01they

25:01put

25:01on

25:01to

25:01impress

25:02other

25:02men

25:02right

25:03you

25:03have

25:03all

25:03got

25:03one

25:03like

25:04so

25:05you

25:05would

25:05just

25:05like

25:05you

25:06hear

25:06your

25:06dad's

25:06normal

25:06voice

25:07he'd

25:07say

25:07stuff

25:08like

25:08right

25:08get

25:08in

25:08the

25:09car

25:09come

25:09on

25:09where's

25:10your

25:10shoes

25:10how do you

25:11lose

25:11your

25:11shoes

25:11between

25:11the

25:12front

25:12door

25:12and

25:12the

25:12fucking

25:13car

25:13Jesus

25:13Christ

25:14right

25:14but

25:15then

25:15in

25:15the

25:15landscape

25:16supply

25:16store

25:16he'd

25:16meet

25:17the

25:17bloke

25:17serving

25:17him

25:18right

25:18gonna

25:18sell

25:19him

25:19some

25:19top

25:19soil

25:19or

25:20something

25:20and

25:21your

25:21dad

25:21would

25:21just

25:21go

25:21hey

25:22good

25:22how

25:22you

25:22good

25:22bloke

25:23aren't

25:23you

25:23look at

25:23you

25:236'9

25:256'10

25:256'12

25:25look at

25:26you

25:26do you

25:26want

25:26to

25:26come

25:26to

25:26my

25:27house

25:27spread

25:27some

25:27top

25:27soil

25:28are

25:28we

25:28doing

25:28characters

25:29what

25:29the

25:29can

25:31I

25:32be

25:32rose

25:32from

25:32the

25:32Golden

25:32Girls

25:33please

25:33it

25:35was

25:35boring

25:35though

25:36the

25:36landscape

25:37supply

25:37store

25:37was

25:37so

25:38fucking

25:38boring

25:38and

25:39this

25:39is

25:39what

25:39you

25:39did

25:40in

25:40the

25:4080s

25:40when

25:40you

25:40were

25:41born

25:41you

25:41did

25:41this

25:41that's

25:44it

25:44that's

25:45all

25:45you

25:46did

25:46was

25:46that

25:46that's

25:47all

25:47there

25:47was

25:47to

25:47do

25:48this

25:48and

25:48even

25:48that

25:48would

25:48be

25:49too

25:49much

25:49for

25:49your

25:49dad

25:50he'd

25:50be

25:50like

25:50do

25:50that

25:50somewhere

25:51else

25:51fuck

25:51off

25:52come

25:54and

25:54do

25:54that

25:54near

25:54that

25:54man

25:55with

25:55the

25:55orange

25:55tinted

25:55glasses

25:56he

25:56likes

25:56you

25:57go

25:57on

25:57been

26:01looking

26:01at

26:01you

26:01for

26:01hours

26:02bring

26:03me

26:04back

26:04one

26:09then

26:12out of

26:12the

26:12corner

26:13of

26:13your

26:13eye

26:13you

26:14would

26:14spot

26:15a

26:15drink

26:15machine

26:15right

26:16a

26:17soft

26:17drink

26:17machine

26:18the

26:18old

26:18school

26:18ones

26:19filled

26:19with

26:19cans

26:20and

26:20you

26:20would

26:20think

26:20if

26:20I

26:21play

26:21my

26:21cards

26:21right

26:21I'm

26:21going to

26:21get

26:22one

26:22of

26:22those

26:22right

26:22and

26:22you

26:23would

26:23begin

26:23your

26:23campaign

26:24because

26:26you

26:26weren't

26:26allowed

26:26to

26:26make

26:26a

26:27direct

26:27request

26:28it's

26:29the

26:2980s

26:29you

26:29can't

26:29just

26:30ask

26:30for

26:30a

26:30soft

26:31drink

26:31you

26:31know

26:31that

26:31actually

26:32only

26:32came

26:32in

26:32direct

26:33requests

26:33in

26:331999

26:34that's

26:35when

26:35it

26:35was

26:35legal

26:36for

26:36you

26:36to

26:36ask

26:36your

26:36parent

26:37for

26:37something

26:37right

26:37so

26:38you

26:38do

26:39this

26:39you

26:39be

26:39doing

26:39your

26:39board

26:40stuff

26:40and

26:41you

26:41just

26:41start

26:41your

26:41campaign

26:42by

26:42saying

26:43feeling

26:43thirsty

26:44feeling

26:48like I

26:48might

26:49need

26:49a

26:49drink

26:49in

26:49a

26:50minute

26:50feeling

26:52like

26:52it's

26:53time

26:53to

26:53have

26:53something

26:54interesting

26:54to

26:55drink

26:55hmm

26:56and

26:57your

26:57dad

26:57would

26:57hear

26:57you

26:58would

26:58acknowledge

26:58you

26:58right

26:59but

27:01he'd say

27:02this

27:02he'd go

27:02there's

27:03water

27:03in

27:03the

27:03car

27:04do

27:04you

27:05remember

27:05the

27:05water

27:05in

27:05the

27:05car

27:06two

27:07litre

27:07home brand

27:07vinegar

27:08bottle

27:08filled up

27:09with water

27:10wrapped up

27:11in a

27:11towel

27:11with two

27:12rubber

27:12bands

27:12around it

27:13kept in

27:13the

27:13boot

27:14and

27:15if

27:15you

27:15ever

27:15said

27:15why

27:16is

27:16it

27:16wrapped

27:16up

27:17in

27:17a

27:17towel

27:17dad

27:17so

27:17it

27:17doesn't

27:18fudder

27:18around

27:18and

27:18drop

27:18me

27:19metal

27:19every

27:19time

27:19I

27:20go

27:20around

27:20a

27:20corner

27:20that's

27:21long

27:21hell

27:24I'd

27:25like

27:26oh

27:26that's

27:27for

27:27the

27:27radiator

27:28I'm

27:28a

27:28person

27:28anyway

27:29ah

27:29but

27:31you

27:31would

27:31think

27:31to

27:31yourself

27:31if

27:32I

27:32do

27:32this

27:32right

27:32if

27:33I'm

27:33really

27:33good

27:33and

27:34not

27:34annoying

27:34and

27:35so

27:35quiet

27:35and

27:36do

27:36all

27:36the

27:36right

27:36things

27:36and

27:37ask

27:37really

27:37nicely

27:37I'm

27:38a

27:38chance

27:38of

27:39a

27:3960

27:39cent

27:39can

27:40of

27:40passion

27:40here

27:41beautiful

27:43memories

27:43yeah

27:44my son

27:44won't

27:45have any

27:45of those

27:45memories

27:45he's

27:45got

27:45two

27:46mums

27:46though

27:46sucked

27:46in

27:47what

27:47a loser

27:47imagine

27:50he's

27:50standing

27:50up

27:50in

27:5020

27:51years

27:51time

27:51he's

27:52just

27:52here

27:52going

27:52you

27:53know

27:53when

27:53you

27:54go

27:54out

27:54for

27:54the

27:54day

27:54with

27:54mama

27:55and

27:55not

27:55mummy

27:56and

27:57you

27:57go

27:57to

27:57the

27:58bulk

27:58whole

27:58food

27:58supply

27:59store

27:59in

28:00the

28:00Subaru

28:01Forester

28:01with

28:03Lacey

28:03the

28:03rescue

28:03greyhound

28:04and

28:05you

28:05think

28:06to

28:06yourself

28:06oh

28:06if

28:07I'm

28:07really

28:07good

28:07if

28:08I

28:08play

28:08my

28:08cards

28:08right

28:09I'm

28:09a

28:10chance

28:10of

28:10a

28:10tamari

28:10roasted

28:11almond

28:11here

28:12after

28:19the

28:19break

28:19for

28:19Jim

28:20Jeffries

28:20and

28:20friends

28:21Nicky

28:22Osborne

28:23and

28:23Canadian

28:24superstar

28:25Glenn

28:25Wool

28:26got a

28:27six-year-old

28:27he loves

28:27Toy Story

28:28walked by

28:29me

28:29put

28:29this

28:29Toy Story

28:30toys

28:30in his

28:31arms

28:31I said

28:31be

28:31careful

28:32last

28:33time

28:33I

28:33had

28:34a

28:34Woody

28:34and

28:34a

28:34Buzz

28:35your

28:35mum

28:35got

28:35pregnant

28:42this

28:47is

28:47Jim

28:47Jeffries

28:48and

28:48friends

28:48now

28:55I've

28:55never

28:56told

28:56this

28:56on

28:56stage

28:57this

28:57happened

28:57very

28:58recently

28:58so

29:00what I

29:01do

29:01every

29:01now

29:02and

29:02again

29:02I

29:02ring

29:02up

29:02me

29:02dad

29:03and

29:03if

29:03I

29:03got

29:03a

29:03good

29:04pub

29:04joke

29:04right

29:05you

29:06sitting

29:06at

29:06home

29:06I

29:07ring

29:07him

29:07about

29:07three

29:07times

29:07a

29:08week

29:08I

29:08ring

29:08him

29:08up

29:08and

29:08I

29:09go

29:09dad

29:09I

29:09got

29:09a

29:09joke

29:09for

29:10you

29:10I

29:11tell

29:11him

29:11a

29:11joke

29:11and

29:12that's

29:12you

29:12know

29:12so

29:13the

29:13joke

29:13was

29:14it's

29:14an

29:14old

29:14pub

29:14joke

29:15what's

29:15better

29:16than

29:16eating

29:16Amanda

29:16in

29:17eating

29:18Amanda

29:18out

29:19right

29:19it's

29:20a fun

29:21little

29:22joke

29:22right

29:23right

29:24so

29:25I

29:25call

29:25up

29:25dad

29:26and

29:26I

29:27said

29:27dad

29:27I

29:28got

29:28a

29:28joke

29:28for

29:28you

29:29and

29:29he

29:29goes

29:29what

29:29is

29:29it

29:29I

29:30go

29:30what's

29:30better

29:30than

29:30eating

29:31Amanda

29:31in

29:31and

29:32he

29:32paused

29:32for

29:32a

29:32moment

29:32and

29:33he

29:33went

29:33eating

29:35pussy

29:35now

29:39you

29:41you

29:42know when

29:43you're in

29:43maths

29:43class

29:44right

29:44and there's

29:45an equation

29:46on the

29:46board

29:46and you've

29:47gotten it

29:47right

29:47but not

29:48the way

29:48the teacher

29:49reckoned

29:49you're like

29:51I don't know

29:52how I got

29:52there

29:53but I've

29:54got the

29:54right answer

29:55somehow

29:55I know what

29:57went through

29:58his thought

29:58process

29:59I've known

29:59this man

30:00my whole

30:00life

30:01he went

30:01what's

30:02better than

30:02eating

30:02Amanda

30:03in

30:03well

30:03there's

30:03not

30:04much

30:04better

30:04than

30:04eating

30:04Amanda

30:05in

30:05what a

30:05wonderful

30:05fruit

30:06Amanda

30:06in

30:06is

30:07it

30:09stays

30:09in

30:10sections

30:10so you

30:10don't

30:10get

30:11juice

30:11on

30:11your

30:11hands

30:12that's

30:12very

30:12good

30:12and

30:12they've

30:13all

30:13but

30:13eliminated

30:13the

30:14pips

30:14the

30:16peels

30:16you

30:16just

30:16put

30:17them

30:17in

30:17your

30:17pocket

30:17leave

30:18them

30:18in

30:18the

30:18centre

30:18console

30:19in

30:19your

30:19car

30:19they

30:21cause

30:21no

30:22trouble

30:22the

30:24Asians

30:24like

30:25to

30:25use

30:25them

30:25in

30:25cooking

30:26Amanda

30:27in

30:27cooking

30:28the

30:28Asians

30:29Asian

30:30women

30:30licking

30:31pussy

30:32ladies

30:43and

30:44gentlemen

30:44this

30:44next

30:44comic

30:45that

30:45I'm

30:45bringing

30:45out

30:45I

30:46have

30:46been

30:47friends

30:47with

30:48for

30:4820

30:50years

30:50but

30:51more

30:52importantly

30:52I've

30:52been

30:52a

30:52fan

30:53of

30:53for

30:5420

30:54years

30:54I

30:55work

30:55with

30:55him

30:55across

30:55the

30:56UK

30:56I've

30:56worked

30:56with

30:57him

30:57here

30:57in

30:57Australia

30:58now

30:58I'm

30:59a

30:59huge

31:00fan

31:00of

31:00this

31:00guy

31:01he's

31:01an

31:01important

31:01voice

31:02in

31:02comedy

31:02can

31:03you

31:03please

31:03welcome

31:04Mr

31:05Glenn

31:06Wall

31:06hello

31:15good to

31:16see ya

31:16my name

31:17is

31:17Glenn

31:17I'm

31:17originally

31:18from

31:18Canada

31:19thank

31:21you

31:21I'm

31:23in a

31:24mixed

31:24generation

31:24marriage

31:25my

31:26wife's

31:27a

31:27millennial

31:27I'm

31:27generation

31:28X

31:28and

31:29I'm

31:29not

31:29proud

31:29of

31:29that

31:30but

31:30I'm

31:30proud

31:30of

31:30that

31:31problem

31:34with

31:34that

31:34age

31:34gap

31:35is

31:35sometimes

31:35me

31:35and

31:35my

31:36wife

31:36will

31:36be

31:36having

31:36a

31:37text

31:37conversation

31:38back

31:38and

31:38forth

31:39on

31:39our

31:39intelligent

31:39phones

31:40and

31:40because

31:40she's

31:41a

31:41millennial

31:41every

31:42once

31:42in a

31:42while

31:43she

31:43will

31:43break

31:43into

31:44a

31:44pointless

31:45acronym

31:46and

31:46I'm

31:46just

31:47like

31:47would

31:48you

31:48use

31:48the

31:48whole

31:49fucking

31:49sentence

31:50were

31:51you

31:51not

31:52being

31:52charged

31:52by

31:53the

31:53letter

31:53is

31:55there

31:55any

31:55reason

31:56we're

31:56trying

31:56to hide

31:57our

31:57dinner

31:57plans

31:58from

31:58the

31:58Nazis

32:01I

32:02gotta

32:02break

32:02out

32:02the

32:03enigma

32:03machine

32:03to

32:04figure

32:04out

32:04what

32:04the

32:04hell

32:05Icy

32:05me

32:05means

32:06you

32:07ever

32:08had

32:08Icy

32:08me

32:08Icy

32:10Y

32:10am

32:10I

32:11yeah

32:12I

32:12didn't

32:12know

32:13what

32:13it

32:13was

32:13I

32:14had

32:15to

32:15google

32:15it

32:15and

32:15everything

32:16just

32:18in case

32:18you

32:18missed

32:18it

32:19that's

32:20what

32:20it's

32:20the

32:20acronym

32:20for

32:21I

32:22know

32:22it

32:24was

32:24like

32:24the

32:24BTW

32:25fiasco

32:26I

32:28got

32:28that

32:28when

32:28I

32:29was

32:29just

32:29like

32:29what

32:30do

32:31you

32:31want

32:31a

32:31sandwich

32:31you

32:34ever

32:34got

32:34BT

32:35anybody

32:35know

32:35what

32:35BTW

32:36is

32:37oh

32:38you

32:38fucking

32:39assholes

32:40look at

32:42all the

32:42millennials

32:43sitting

32:43there

32:44going

32:44we

32:45know

32:45what

32:46it

32:46is

32:46by

32:47the

32:48way

32:48by

32:48the

32:48way

32:49made

32:51me

32:51feel

32:51old

32:52I

32:52feel

32:52like

32:52a

32:52goddamn

32:53dinosaur

32:53but

32:54I'm

32:54here

32:55to

32:55tell

32:55you

32:56that

32:56your

32:56goddamn

32:57millennial

32:57acronyms

32:58are

32:59not

32:59obvious

33:00and

33:01even

33:02a

33:02genius

33:02would

33:03have

33:03trouble

33:03with

33:04them

33:04like

33:05in

33:05the

33:051940s

33:06if

33:07you

33:07walked

33:07up

33:07to

33:07Alan

33:08Turing

33:08and

33:08just

33:09said

33:09LGBTQ

33:10plus

33:10you

33:13reckon

33:14he'd

33:14crack

33:14that

33:14code

33:15got

33:17a

33:17six-year-old

33:18he

33:18loves

33:18Toy Story

33:19and

33:19what

33:19kid

33:20doesn't

33:21walk

33:22by me

33:22put

33:22his

33:23Toy Story

33:23toys

33:24in

33:24his

33:24arms

33:24I

33:24said

33:24be

33:25careful

33:25last

33:26time

33:27I

33:27had

33:27a

33:27woody

33:27and

33:27a

33:28buzz

33:28your

33:28mom

33:28got

33:29pregnant

33:29but

33:35she

33:35don't

33:35know

33:36the

33:36whole

33:36story

33:36me

33:38and

33:38his

33:38mother

33:38had

33:39a

33:39lockdown

33:39baby

33:40it

33:41was

33:41very

33:41hard

33:42to

33:42masturbate

33:43in a

33:43house

33:43that

33:44your

33:44spouse

33:44never

33:44left

33:45there

33:49was

33:49only

33:49so

33:50many

33:50times

33:50you

33:51could

33:51go

33:51up

33:51to

33:51the

33:52loft

33:52check

33:55on

33:55the

33:55Christmas

33:55decorations

33:56so

33:59in

34:00the

34:00end

34:00I

34:01had

34:02to

34:02jack

34:02off

34:03the

34:03old

34:04fashioned

34:05way

34:05by

34:07fucking

34:08my

34:08wife

34:09that's

34:12how

34:13they

34:13used

34:13to

34:14do

34:14it

34:14back

34:14in

34:14olden

34:15days

34:15they

34:15actually

34:16used

34:16to

34:16masturbate

34:17inside

34:18their

34:18partners

34:19that's

34:21why

34:21their

34:21families

34:22were

34:22so

34:22big

34:23what

34:23they

34:24would

34:24do

34:25they'd

34:27use

34:27their

34:27wife's

34:28vagina

34:28as a

34:30makeshift

34:30hand

34:31if you

34:31will

34:32I'm

34:35getting

34:35a

34:35divorce

34:36I

34:40know

34:41I've

34:41been

34:41trying

34:41to

34:42hide

34:42it

34:42fucking

34:43but

34:43yeah

34:43it

34:44wasn't

34:45because

34:46of

34:46that

34:46bit

34:46but

34:47yeah

34:48I felt

34:49bad

34:49all those

34:50other

34:50times

34:50in the

34:50show

34:51I'm

34:51talking

34:51about

34:51having

34:52a

34:52wife

34:52and

34:52my

34:53inner

34:53monologue

34:54is

34:54like

34:54you

34:54don't

34:54have

34:54a

34:55wife

34:55I

34:56know

34:57don't

34:57feel

34:58sorry

34:58yeah

34:58and

34:59she

35:00made

35:01me

35:01move

35:01to

35:01England

35:01and

35:02have

35:02kids

35:03and

35:03then

35:04she

35:04dumped

35:05me

35:05and

35:06that's

35:07not

35:07fair

35:07I

35:09know

35:09I

35:09now

35:10just

35:10live

35:11in

35:11a

35:11field

35:12in

35:13England

35:14so

35:15it

35:16sucks

35:16but

35:17at least

35:18I'm allowed

35:18to be

35:19honest

35:20about how

35:20I feel

35:21about

35:21England

35:21now

35:21because

35:22I used

35:22to have

35:22a wife

35:23and I

35:24couldn't

35:24say

35:24all of

35:25the

35:25things

35:25that I

35:25felt

35:26to keep

35:26the peace

35:27and now

35:27fuck it

35:28like

35:30I hate

35:30the royal

35:30family

35:31there

35:31you

35:31go

35:31fucking

35:33bunch

35:33of

35:33inbred

35:34pedophiles

35:35if you

35:35ask me

35:35like

35:37tell me

35:38this

35:38does

35:38Prince

35:39Andrew

35:39enjoy

35:39his

35:40wanks

35:40more

35:40now

35:40that

35:40he's

35:41a

35:41minor

35:41royal

35:41yeah

35:45take it

35:46back

35:47the night

35:47I

35:50gotta

35:50get

35:51I

35:51feel

35:51like

35:51I

35:52look

35:52I

35:53don't

35:53hate

35:54all

35:54there's

35:54parts

35:55of the

35:55royal

35:55family

35:55I

35:56like

35:56I

35:56like

35:56the

35:56pageantry

35:57I

35:59watched

35:59the

35:59coronation

36:00I

36:00enjoyed

36:01that

36:01Charlie

36:01got

36:01his

36:02hat

36:02sure

36:02that's

36:03cool

36:03my

36:05particular

36:06favorite

36:06on the

36:07day

36:07was

36:07Camilla

36:07little

36:11Cheshire

36:11cat

36:12grin

36:12on her

36:12face

36:13last

36:14time

36:14she

36:15smiled

36:15like

36:15that

36:15a

36:15car

36:16was

36:16upside

36:16down

36:17in

36:17a

36:17Paris

36:17tunnel

36:18folks

36:22it's

36:23great to

36:23see you

36:24I've

36:24been

36:24glad

36:24thank

36:25you

36:25good

36:25night

36:27ladies and

36:32gentlemen

36:33don't go

36:36away

36:36up next

36:37Nikki

36:38Osbourne

36:38we should

36:39just make

36:40Chappelle

36:40Corby

36:40Barley

36:41Barbie

36:41shouldn't

36:41we

36:42yeah

36:42actually

36:43no

36:43she should

36:44be the

36:44face

36:44of

36:45Jenny

36:45Craig

36:45I

36:46lost

36:464.5

36:47kilos

36:47in

36:4830

36:48seconds

36:48ask

36:49me

36:49how

36:49ladies and

37:05gentlemen

37:06this next

37:06comedian

37:07she's been

37:07on Dancing

37:08with the

37:08Stars

37:08but more

37:09importantly

37:09she's

37:09extraordinarily

37:10funny

37:11please

37:12welcome

37:12the

37:13outrageous

37:14Nikki

37:15Osbourne

37:16hello

37:17oh

37:21it's so

37:21great to

37:22be here

37:22how

37:23good's

37:23this

37:23yes

37:25do you

37:26like my

37:26outfit

37:27yes

37:28tell you

37:29what

37:29it's hard

37:29as a

37:30female comic

37:30to work

37:31out what

37:31to wear

37:32because you

37:32want to

37:32look really

37:33good

37:33right

37:33but at the

37:34same time

37:35you want

37:35to be

37:35likeable

37:36and relatable

37:36so I

37:37said to

37:38my mum

37:38before

37:38coming to

37:39this

37:39gig

37:39maybe I

37:40should

37:40do

37:40like

37:40a

37:40Pamela

37:41Anderson

37:41come

37:42make-up

37:42free

37:43you know

37:43what

37:43she

37:44said

37:44nah

37:45you

37:45don't

37:45have

37:45the

37:46tits

37:46for

37:46it

37:47and then

37:49my husband

37:50pipes up

37:50and he

37:51says

37:51that I

37:52should wear

37:52something

37:53really

37:53revealing

37:53because

37:54that way

37:55if I

37:55bomb

37:55I

37:56can

37:56kick

37:56off

37:56an

37:57OnlyFans

37:57page

37:58I

38:00don't

38:00they

38:01have

38:01little

38:01faith

38:02but

38:04it's

38:04great

38:04to

38:04be

38:04here

38:05I

38:10look

38:12like

38:12slutty

38:12mechanic

38:13Barbie

38:13she

38:16she's

38:16the one

38:16who

38:16gives

38:17you

38:17the

38:17full

38:17service

38:18I

38:19finally

38:20went

38:20and

38:20saw

38:20the

38:20Barbie

38:21movie

38:21we've

38:21all

38:21seen

38:22it

38:22yeah

38:23there's

38:24a few

38:24gay

38:24fans

38:25of

38:25Jim

38:25I

38:25didn't

38:25pick

38:26that

38:26I

38:27went

38:27to

38:27see

38:28it

38:28because

38:28I

38:28wanted

38:28to

38:28see

38:28what

38:29all

38:29the

38:29fuss

38:29was

38:29about

38:30I

38:30wanted

38:30to

38:30see

38:30what

38:31our

38:31Margot

38:31had

38:32done

38:32for

38:32Australia

38:33and

38:34I've

38:34got

38:34to

38:34say

38:35she's

38:35let

38:35us

38:36down

38:36now

38:37hear

38:38me

38:43pack

38:44of

38:44tinnies

38:44pack

38:45of

38:45winnies

38:45subscription

38:46to

38:46goggle

38:47box

38:47or

38:49if

38:49she

38:49came

38:50in

38:50a

38:50box

38:50set

38:50would

38:51she

38:51come

38:51with

38:51two

38:51kids

38:52with

38:52shit

38:52made

38:53up

38:53names

38:53and

38:53a

38:54tradie

38:54Ken

38:54doll

38:54called

38:55Brit

38:55what

38:59other

38:59Barbie

39:00should

39:00there

39:00be

39:01what

39:01about

39:01backpacker

39:02Barbie

39:02no

39:03she

39:03just

39:03go

39:03missing

39:04no

39:09actually

39:10no

39:10they

39:11could

39:11sell

39:11her

39:11in

39:12bits

39:12in

39:12a

39:12box

39:13of

39:13sand

39:13and

39:19that

39:19way

39:19you

39:19can

39:19piece

39:20her

39:20all

39:20together

39:21it

39:22could

39:22be

39:22a

39:22family

39:23project

39:23piece

39:24her

39:24together

39:25and

39:25work

39:25out

39:25who

39:25she

39:26was

39:26what

39:28about

39:28barley

39:29Barbie

39:29what

39:30would

39:30barley

39:30Barbie

39:31come

39:31with

39:31a

39:31bintang

39:32singlet

39:32a

39:33stomach

39:34parasite

39:35or

39:37would

39:37she

39:37come

39:37with

39:38a

39:38boogie

39:38board

39:38bag

39:39with

39:39extra

39:39storage

39:40in

39:40it

39:40fuck

39:43we

39:43should

39:43just

39:43make

39:44Chappelle

39:44Corby

39:44barley

39:45Barbie

39:45shouldn't

39:46we

39:46yeah

39:47as you

39:47know

39:47she should

39:48be the

39:48face

39:48of

39:49Jenny

39:49Craig

39:49I

39:50lost

39:504.5

39:51kilos

39:51in 30

39:52seconds

39:52ask me

39:53how

39:53or

39:59what

39:59about

40:00vaccine

40:00Barbie

40:01yep

40:03maybe

40:03not

40:04yeah

40:08no

40:08I'm

40:08not

40:08going

40:08to

40:08go

40:09there

40:09not

40:09at

40:09all

40:10because

40:10we

40:10went

40:10a

40:10bit

40:10crazy

40:11during

40:11COVID

40:11didn't

40:12we

40:12Melbourne

40:12went

40:13a

40:13little

40:13bit

40:14mad

40:14like

40:14there

40:15were

40:15lovely

40:15women

40:16at

40:16Coles

40:16having

40:17biffos

40:17over

40:17shit

40:18tickets

40:18I

40:20never

40:20understood

40:21the

40:21bog roll

40:22hoarding

40:22did

40:22you

40:22understand

40:23it

40:23no

40:24but

40:24as far

40:25as I

40:25was

40:25concerned

40:26the

40:26more

40:26bog

40:27roll

40:27the

40:27bigger

40:28the

40:28asshole

40:28so

40:30anyway

40:31when

40:31they

40:31announced

40:31the

40:31second

40:32lockdown

40:32husband

40:33and

40:33I

40:33looked

40:33at

40:33each

40:34other

40:34we

40:34packed

40:34up

40:35our

40:35bags

40:35packed

40:35up

40:36the

40:36kids

40:36sold

40:36the

40:36house

40:37and

40:37moved

40:37somewhere

40:37where

40:37education

40:38is

40:38not

40:38important

40:39Queensland

40:40oh

40:42but

40:43moving

40:43to a

40:43new

40:44state

40:44means

40:45moving

40:45to

40:45new

40:46schools

40:46which

40:47means

40:47meeting

40:48new

40:48mothers

40:49god

40:50we're

40:51but you

40:55know what

40:55you've

40:56got to

40:56do

40:56don't

40:56you

40:56ladies

40:57for that

40:58first

40:58assembly

40:59you've

41:00got to

41:00don

41:01your

41:01least

41:01offensive

41:02country

41:02road

41:03and

41:04then

41:04you've

41:04got to

41:05wade

41:05through

41:06a sea

41:06of

41:06beige

41:07until

41:08you

41:08can

41:08find

41:08someone

41:09something

41:10someone

41:11that's

41:11got

41:12something

41:12in

41:12common

41:13with

41:13you

41:13know

41:13day

41:13drinkers

41:14so

41:15I

41:15hit

41:16it

41:16off

41:16with

41:16these

41:16drunks

41:17and

41:17we

41:18organised

41:18play

41:19dates

41:19really

41:19quickly

41:20because

41:20that's

41:21your

41:21mission

41:22and

41:23then

41:23within

41:2324

41:24hours

41:24they

41:25all

41:25cancelled

41:25now

41:26this

41:26has

41:26happened

41:27before

41:27and

41:28I

41:28went

41:29to

41:29my

41:29husband

41:29I

41:29said

41:30it's

41:30happened

41:30again

41:30he's

41:31like

41:31what

41:31did

41:31you

41:31do

41:31this

41:32time

41:32I'm

41:32like

41:32firstly

41:33fuck

41:33off

41:33secondly

41:36I

41:36don't

41:36know

41:37and

41:37he's

41:37like

41:37oh

41:38did

41:38you

41:38bang

41:38on

41:38about

41:39what

41:39you

41:39do

41:39for

41:39a

41:40living

41:40and

41:41I'm

41:41like

41:41no

41:42I

41:42simply

41:43said

41:43that

41:43I

41:43dabble

41:44in

41:44film

41:44and

41:44television

41:45he's

41:45like

41:46well

41:46do

41:46they

41:47know

41:47you

41:47as

41:47Nicky

41:47Osborne

41:48or

41:48your

41:48married

41:49name

41:49Nicky

41:49star

41:50and

41:50I'm

41:50like

41:50no

41:51my

41:51married

41:52name

41:52I'm

41:52not

41:52going

41:52to

41:53drag

41:53my

41:53kids

41:53down

41:54with

41:54my

41:54professional

41:54reputation

41:55and

41:56he's

41:56like

41:56well

41:57they

41:57must

41:57be

41:57googling

41:58you

41:58so

41:58let's

41:58google

41:59you

41:59so

41:59we

41:59googled

42:00me

42:09european

42:10bitch

42:10fuckers

42:11three

42:11twisted

42:15and

42:15fisted

42:16and

42:18nice

42:19girls

42:19like

42:20anal

42:20so

42:25now

42:25all the

42:25dads

42:25want

42:26a

42:26play

42:26date

42:26I'm

42:30Nicky

42:30Osborne

42:31thank you

42:31so much

42:32for having

42:32me

42:33Nicky

42:36Osborne

42:37ladies

42:39and

42:39gentlemen

42:39give a round

42:40applause

42:40for all

42:40the

42:40comedians

42:41you've

42:41seen

42:41tonight

42:42my

42:44name's

42:44Jim

42:44Jeffries

42:45thank you

42:45so much

42:46goodnight

Category

Transcript

Be the first to comment

Recommended