Warren's Vortex (2025) Season 1 Episode 2

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Transcript

00:00Tumbling through an interdimensional vortex, Warren and Lucy discover twisted versions

00:06of their own world, always hoping the next one will be home.

00:18Oh, I hate when it does that.

00:22Where's this?

00:23I don't know, but at least there's no fridges trying to kill us.

00:27Warren and Lucy, you are out of bounds.

00:29You will return immediately or face elimination.

00:33Ericka, run!

01:00Ericka, run!

01:03Ericka, run!

01:04Um, let's do it again.

01:07Elimination!

01:09Elimination!

01:10The drones are trying to kill us!

01:12Elimination!

01:13Elimination!

01:14In a shock reveal, Warren and Lucy have re-entered the game.

01:37What happened to your tracksuits?

01:39Hey, I'm getting the feeling that we're in some kind of game.

01:46Dad, I hope I inherit your power of perception.

01:52Guys, this is no game.

01:56This is reality.

02:09You just hit yourself in the middle of a top.

02:10See you around the top you're in the middle of a top.

02:14Oh, you're good.

02:16I'm not sure if you're in a top.

02:17I'm not sure if someone always knows that.

02:18No, I'm not sure if someone's got a total of us, but that's a good problem.

02:25I'm not sure if someone's got a multi-tell.

02:29You're not sure if somebody's got a multi-tell.

02:33You're not sure if someone's got a multi-tell team,

02:36Contestants from number 23, Haerewa Street, welcome to the first challenge.

02:48Uh, might be in some real trouble, eh?

02:51But at least there are no evil fringes.

02:52I think we'll just play along until we can work out what's going on.

02:55Dad, have you ever seen Squid Game?

02:58Is that the fishing one with Clark Gaffer in it?

03:00In your teams, you must choose one person to be blindfolded.

03:06The other will direct their partner down a path using only the power of their voices.

03:13First team to raise their flag at the end wins.

03:16Oh, and try not to step on the polygons of death.

03:22Um, excuse me, can you repeat the first bit, please?

03:26I was miles away.

03:29Whoa.

03:30So, um, we were given these tracksuits to wear and socks and shoes, and then, um, we were

03:38driven to the place where the maze was set up.

03:40That's the game.

03:41Okay, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on.

03:43There was a sound, and we started the game.

03:46Nekaki Maui, Warren.

03:51Maui.

03:52I am going Maui.

03:54Wait, Maui's left, is it?

03:56Maybe you haven't even moved.

03:57You know I get confused with left and right here.

04:00Ah!

04:01Pick up, ma, that's electrified.

04:02Well, that's why I said left.

04:03Warren and Hine are off to a shocking start, as Warren struggles to understand the complicated

04:10notion of left and right.

04:14Left.

04:15Left.

04:16Left, dad.

04:17Like I left you.

04:19Hey.

04:19Yeah, okay, now 10, 37 degrees nor east, and take five half-yard strides.

04:24What?

04:25Just use normal instructions.

04:27Not my fault you didn't take nautical training.

04:29Hey, no one has taken nautical training.

04:33Yes, Bo.

04:33That's perfect.

04:35Now walk forward for two medium steps.

04:39What?

04:39Bo's heart rate seems to rise every time Lucy speaks.

04:44Oh, ignore that!

04:45Bo's cheeks are flushed red.

04:47Are those the signs of young love?

04:50Shut up!

04:51Sauron!

04:52You massive eyehole!

04:54Eyehole.

04:56Focus!

04:58Five steps.

05:01Eri mangaki koi.

05:01Stop!

05:02Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, what, what, what?

05:08You're about to step on a polygon.

05:09Poly who?

05:10I don't know anything about reality TV, to be honest.

05:15I accidentally watched Naked Attraction once.

05:18People weren't very attractive, but they were very naked.

05:22I'm tired of being told what to do by you.

05:25For the last 20 years you keep telling me what to do.

05:28Yeah, and you were blind for those 20 years as well, so nothing's changed.

05:31Oh, ha, ha, ha.

05:32I see what you did there.

05:34You know what?

05:34For 20 years, you tell me, oh, you can't cut your toenails in the kitchen.

05:38For 20 years, you tell me, oh, leave the toilet lid down.

05:41For 20 years, you tell me, we can't do it in the frozen produce section at the supermarket

05:46because it's...

05:47Unhygienic.

05:48Let me finish.

05:49Because it's unhygienic.

05:51Well, you know what?

05:52I can do whatever I want to do, okay?

05:54I don't have to stand right here, because I'm going to stand right here.

06:01He's gone!

06:04When Murray and I broke up, I decided he was dead to me, and now he actually is dead.

06:18Sorry, does anybody have, like, one to three bottles of wine handy?

06:25I smell a conspiracy there, because if you think...

06:29My body's disappeared.

06:31What, you've taken my body?

06:32As if zapping us with lasers wasn't enough, and now you're taking...

06:35It's the green tracksuit on the green screen.

06:43We're going to have to win this game type in the Vortex, aren't we?

06:46Why did I have to be reality TV?

06:48I'd rather walk barefoot across Lego than watch reality TV.

06:51Let alone be in one.

06:54What the heck happened to you guys in the Vortex, hmm?

06:59Oh, wait.

06:59You're a different Warren and Lucy, aren't you?

07:04Now, we're THE Warren and Lucy.

07:06Yeah, the best Warren and Lucy.

07:08Five stars.

07:09We'll not disappoint.

07:10Whatever.

07:11So, can you be Basil's exposition for us?

07:14We don't have time for this.

07:15Hey, all you need to know is that Aotearoa got taken off of a big corporation and turned it

07:20into one big, ugly, reality TV show.

07:22And right now, they're probably subtitling every single word we say.

07:29So, this is happening in every backyard?

07:32It's my wrinkly buttly rubber.

07:35Not Mrs. Schrodinger!

07:36Oh, no, the cat's using her ashes as a litter tree.

07:46Bad cat!

07:48Some sneaky players have emerged.

07:51It seems an alliance is forming between Hine, Warren and Lucy.

07:56It's not an alliance, we're whanau.

07:58Yeah, yeah, you tell them alternate anymore.

08:01Thanks, alternate, babe.

08:02Contestants who are still alive, make your way to tribal council.

08:07Here's some shots you've already seen, but have probably already forgotten.

08:14Right here!

08:18And then it was the air break.

08:22Contestants, you must vote for someone to be eliminated.

08:27Um, can I vote for people who say, hashtag, not all men?

08:30Let the voting begin.

08:37The votes have been counted.

08:49The first person voted out of the game at number 23, Haidewa Street.

08:54And the second person to be eliminated is...

08:58Laurel.

09:04Oh, my...

09:05Oh, my God!

09:07I've got a few things to say.

09:12First of all, R.I.P. Murray.

09:15He may have been a wet fart of a husband, but he was a good man.

09:19Second of all, Beau, you will always be my baby boy.

09:22And I would like to say that I am extremely proud of how I conducted myself in this game.

09:28I stayed true to myself.

09:30I was honest.

09:32I was respectful to my fellow contestants.

09:34So you can all suck my big fat...

09:37Oh!

09:42The game has spoken.

09:45It's room makeover time.

09:47Contestants must make over their rooms, but they'll only have...

09:5260 seconds.

09:53We have to make over this entire room in 60 seconds.

10:00It takes me longer just to put my jeans on.

10:02I could help.

10:03Oh, shut up, alternate, Beau.

10:06I have been to every design class for real estate beginners my work had to offer.

10:11I know how to mix patterns and create a feature wall.

10:14How can a wall be a feature?

10:16It is a structural necessity invented by the Bavarian Illuminati in the 18th century.

10:21What do you think of these bad boys?

10:22So this challenge seems way less dangerous than the last one.

10:26Shh, don't drink that.

10:28And there's just one more thing.

10:30While you're carrying out the challenge, the rooms will be slowly filling up with poisonous gas.

10:40Fire.

10:40There it is.

10:41Good luck, teams.

10:43Your time starts...

10:45now.

10:46What are you doing?

10:55It's the best way to get the ideal hang.

10:57You know, just need to find out where the studs are.

11:00We have 60 seconds.

11:01Just put it on the wall.

11:02Well, it's going to be all over the place.

11:04I'm just saying, babe.

11:05Where did I put that hammer?

11:06Oh, yep.

11:07Come here.

11:08The chair.

11:11Get on him.

11:16Babe, is there a pencil over there?

11:27All right.

11:28It's just a light cushion chop in the middle with the side of your hand.

11:31Hi-yah.

11:33Here we go.

11:33Give it a go.

11:35Darren!

11:36It's a pillow.

11:37Be a masseuse, not a chiropractor.

11:39Go paint that wall apricot right now.

11:43Don't forget the paint.

11:46I'm so angry, Darren.

11:49Honestly.

11:53Come on.

11:55Let me go.

11:55Sorry.

11:57Does it look over me?

11:59I don't know.

12:02I don't think this can go wrong.

12:04I think this could be it, Warren.

12:07Honey!

12:08Shut your mouth.

12:10Excuse me?

12:11I mean, cover your mouth and hold your breath.

12:13Lucy!

12:18Cover your mouth or something and hold your breath.

12:27Yeah, it's all about how you control the roller to give a smooth and structured finish.

12:31Of course, you don't want to leave a wet edge.

12:33No one cares if you painted a wall, Mr. Man's planer.

12:37I'm the one that made this room come alive.

12:48Warren and Hine went the shabby chic route, but only got as far as the shabby.

12:54Lucy and Beau have gone for the car crash aesthetic.

12:59Unfortunately, they've nailed it.

13:01And they're our worst performing team.

13:04They're our frontrunners for elimination.

13:07Ian and Darren have pulled off a stunner.

13:10Beautiful use of colour really ties in this contemporary look.

13:15These are clearly our frontrunners.

13:17But hang on.

13:19Oh no, it looks like they've been overcome by the toxic gas.

13:24Their room took our breath away.

13:26Looks like theirs as well.

13:28Lucy and Beau are safe.

13:33Dad, we need to be on the same team.

13:36If I stay with puppy boy over there, I'll be ash in minutes.

13:39I say we ditch our partners and form our own team.

13:42What about your mum?

13:43She's not my mum.

13:44And she's not your wife.

13:45Yeah, but she looks really good in that tracksuit though.

13:49Like...

13:50Dad, focus.

13:52I'll go tell Beau, you go tell mum.

13:54Fake mum.

13:59Oh no.

14:00Beau has left the gaming area and will be eliminated.

14:03No, I was just chasing a butterfly.

14:05No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

14:08Oh, at least you don't have to tell them you're dumping them.

14:16Contestants, there are now no more teams.

14:19We've moved on to individual challenges to find one single winner.

14:24Well, I don't have to break up with anyone anymore anymore.

14:27Dad, one single winner.

14:32You two, how do I?

14:34Ooh.

14:36It's time for the Feed Your Fear Challenge.

14:40Yum.

14:41Oh no, we're going to have to eat gross animal parts, aren't we?

14:44Oh.

14:45Oh well, we can cope with that, Lucy.

14:46We can cope with any vile, disgusting thing that they put in front of us.

14:50In a shock twist, we're bringing in a wild card entry to the game.

14:54The winner of the game at number 21, Haidewa Street, Officer Phil Doyle.

15:03G'day.

15:04G'day.

15:05Bon appetites, eh?

15:06Bon appetites.

15:08Ooh, something smells good, and it ain't my aftershave.

15:11Contestants, prepare to face your culinary fears.

15:19Remove your lids.

15:24Hinamua must eat three-week-old raw fish from tail to head.

15:28Oh no.

15:29Lucy must eat sheep droppings.

15:32Oh, what are the odds?

15:34Warren has to eat pig sphincters.

15:37What a bummer, mate.

15:38That didn't look so bad.

15:41Wait, what's the specter again?

15:42Bumhole.

15:44You monsters.

15:46While our wild card Phil has to eat a delicious jam scone.

15:53Oh no.

15:53Oh, come on.

15:54I've got to eat a bumhole.

15:56Bottoms are paris.

15:57Oh.

15:58Oh wait, there's no cream here.

16:00Ooh, thank you very much.

16:01You'll have 60 seconds to eat everything on your plates.

16:06Are you ready, contestants?

16:08Ready.

16:14These are way chewier than I expected, and no flavor.

16:17Wait, my steaky steams hot sauce.

16:24Dad, I can't do this.

16:26Want some hot sauce?

16:27No.

16:31Babe, what are you doing?

16:32I'm not eating one.

16:33Lucy, if you eat one of those, then I'll be eliminated and not you.

16:36But, um, Lucy, Koha, Harrison, you do as you're told and you eat that poo.

16:42I can't, it's poo.

16:46Eat the poo, Papa.

16:48I'll be okay.

16:49Time's up.

16:59It looks like Hine hasn't even touched her fish, so she'll be eliminated.

17:04What's wrong with him?

17:13I don't know.

17:15But wait.

17:16It seems Phil has an undisclosed jam allergy.

17:20Oh no.

17:22Poor guy's dying.

17:24Yep.

17:26At least I got to watch you eat butter moles, Harrison.

17:29Yep.

17:30And it was glory.

17:32And gone.

17:39Sadly, Hine will still need to be eliminated.

17:42Babe?

17:43What?

17:43That's not fair.

17:45I'll give you my takutou.

17:48Aw.

17:51I hate it when your wife, who's not really your wife, gets blasted off the face of the earth.

17:56It really dampens the mood.

17:58Just two players remain.

18:01One will win.

18:02One will be eliminated.

18:05Okay.

18:06Honey, listen.

18:07Your mum, who's not your mum, sacrificed herself for you.

18:13So now it's my turn.

18:15Okay?

18:15No, no.

18:16You have to win.

18:17And you have to make it home.

18:19So I'm going to make damn sure that I fail.

18:21No matter what the next challenge is, I'm going to be the worst in the world at it.

18:25Okay?

18:25I'm going to fail like no one's ever failed before.

18:29Welcome to the final backyard barbecue challenge.

18:32Oh no.

18:33Contestants, you're required to cook the perfect medium rare steak.

18:39Of course.

18:40And who will judge the perfect barbecue steak?

18:42Who?

18:46Stanky Steve, creator of Stanky Steve's World Famous Hot Sauce.

18:50Stanky Steve's Hot Sauce is stanktastic.

18:53May cause explosive diarrhea.

18:55Oh no, if it don't stank, it ain't in the bag.

18:59Tēnā koe, te rangatira.

19:01Who is that?

19:04He's only the greatest barbecue who ever lived next to Liam Neeson's personal chef.

19:09Please welcome your second judge, Liam Neeson's personal chef, Mike O'Shaughnessy.

19:16I feel like I'm being ripped apart by joy and sadness.

19:21Grillas ready?

19:22Ready.

19:23Yep.

19:24And grill.

19:26What does it matter?

19:38It doesn't matter.

19:40Have you got a good seal on one side?

19:45I think so.

19:46Good.

19:47Another two minutes and then take it off.

19:49What are you going to do?

19:50I'm going to burn my steak.

19:55But you, you have to watch that like a hawk.

19:57And in approximately 35 seconds, you're going to take it off the grill.

20:00Do you understand?

20:02I understand.

20:03It's been a pleasure grilling with you, Lucy Harrison.

20:05It's been a pleasure grilling with you, Lucy Harrison.

20:36Lucy must bring her plate up to the judges.

20:40Cheers.

20:41Cheers.

20:42Cheers.

20:43Cheers.

20:44Cheers.

20:45Cheers.

20:46Cheers.

20:47Cheers.

20:48Cheers.

20:49Cheers.

20:50Cheers.

20:51Cheers.

20:52Cheers.

20:53Cheers.

20:54Cheers.

20:56Cheers.

20:57Cheers.

20:58Cheers.

20:59Cheers.

21:00Cheers.

21:01Cheers.

21:02Cheers.

21:03Cheers.

21:04Cheers.

21:05Cheers.

21:06Cheers.

21:07Cheers.

21:08Cheers.

21:09Cheers.

21:10Oh my god you actually liked it you know I'm quite taken with this well done

21:40and finally Warren must bring his plate forward for judgment

22:10I have tasted roadkill after a forest fire and tasted better than this

22:24I'm not eating that no way

22:27and so salty

22:30this is quite literally the saddest day of my entire life

22:35thank you

22:39the winner of the barbecue challenge is

22:48Lucy

22:52hey

22:55thank you for burning your steak for me dad

22:58I know it was really hard for you

23:00it's one of the hardest things I've had to do in my entire life

23:04but I'd do it all again

23:06because for you sweetheart

23:07I'd do anything

23:09Warren it's elimination time

23:13whoa how did that happen

23:17this us supporting each other must be the key to opening the vortex

23:22all right hun

23:23we're bloody joined alongward

23:24just run it straight

23:25he's been taken

23:31we're not back

23:34I'm pretty sure this is not our home

23:37three bedroom two bathroom

23:40central very reluctant

23:42what wall can you up

23:43it's a picket fence haven

23:44this is a car home world

23:45they're robots

23:49cheese it

23:49and we still can't afford to have a roof over our heads

23:52we live in boxes

23:54you live in what

23:55oh we didn't save the day at all did we

24:01yeah

24:03well

24:04well

24:04all right

24:06this is graceful

24:08one

24:08unfortunately

24:08we have

24:13here

24:14here

24:15times

24:15we

24:18we

24:19never

24:19we

24:20not

24:22remember

24:23let's go

24:25go

24:26just

24:27let's go

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