Warren's Vortex (2025) Season 1 Episode 6

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Transcript

00:00Supporting each other must be the key to opening the Vortex.

00:03The Vortex won't let us leave until we find who the real killer is.

00:07We're back.

00:08Only one way to find out.

00:30Warren and Lucy seem to have arrived in a perfect world.

00:48But as we all know, that's not how the Vortex works.

00:52Ah, there he is, just in time to play us the pamphlet.

00:55Oh, Warren, you just have to try this.

00:59You too, lovely Lucy.

01:05Uh, interesting.

01:07Unique.

01:08Fermented soybeans.

01:10I kind of like this world, Dad.

01:13Uh, got any sausages?

01:16Oh, sausages!

01:19Oh, Warren, you are such a scream.

01:22Now, if you don't mind, the barbecue is my domain.

01:26Any more?

01:29Significant other!

01:32Oh, I missed you.

01:35I've only been in the kitchen, silly.

01:37Yeah, um, babe, have we got any pork sauces in the fridge?

01:40I'm starving.

01:41We're making you egg.

01:44And we don't have eggs either.

01:49Oh, hey Lucy.

01:51Hi Bo.

01:52Do you want to see my new tattoo?

01:53Uh, sure.

01:54You can touch it if you like.

01:55That takes irony to a whole new level.

01:56I'm so glad you get it.

01:57Yeah, people say that Da Vinci was ahead of his time, but really I think he was just outside

02:01the realms of our comprehension.

02:03What do you think about that statement?

02:04Um, I...

02:05Shall we take this inside?

02:06I've got some poems I'd like to read you as well.

02:08Seeing you together reminds me how awesome you are, Ego.

02:09Hey, come on.

02:10Mm-hm.

02:11Mm-hm.

02:12Mm-hm.

02:13Mm-hm.

02:14Mm-hm.

02:15Mm-hm.

02:16Come on!

02:17Come on!

02:18Hey!

02:19Wow.

02:20Oh, yeah.

02:21Uh-huh.

02:22Ah, uh-huh.

02:23Uh-huh.

02:24Mm-hm.

02:25What do you think about that statement?

02:26Um, I...

02:27Shall we take this inside?

02:28I've got some problems I'd like to read you as well.

02:30Seeing you together reminds me how awesome you are, Ego.

02:34Hey, come on.

02:37Mm-hm.

02:38Come on!

02:39Eh!

02:40oh

02:54i see you brother we all see you brother yep and i'll see you too he's right in front of me

03:05are you smoking now bro no no i'm not smoking this is my thinking tool it gives me clarity smoking

03:16oh warren my friend i've got to show you the salad that i brought

03:22now it is chock full of indonesian greens and some of those dandelion leaves that we foraged yesterday

03:27yeah oh my you got really tense shoulders it goes all the way up to your neck oh we should do some

03:44calming exercises nope i'm good i'm good where's lucy you seem distressed maybe we should talk about

03:51your feelings no keita pie muz muz yeah who's muz that's you no my name is murray and if you're

04:00gonna shorten it it should be my why do you keep adding on to everything you're the one that chose

04:06that name it's even on your rugby jersey rugby what's this rugby of which you speak i've never heard of it

04:15i've written a haiku on a piece of recycled paper lucy's grace shines bright sunlight dances in her

04:28eyes beauty in each step

04:34i'm dead you okay welcome to espn oh thank god the essay sonnets and poetry network

04:43no please no here's your host dr sean fitzpatrick i thought you'd be cold oh tree that my love

04:51hangs upon oh lucy hmm shed now

05:03rugby god tana umanga is a poet laureate this world is crazy oh come on dad it's nice no one's trying to

05:10kill us the food's actually really good your friends are intelligent for once some might even

05:15say it's a utopia or is it an utopia nope can't have a utopia without rugby sorry darling that's just

05:23a fact

05:26no no no i know what i have to do to open the vortex okay in the words of every star wars character ever

05:32i have a bad feeling about this and i opened my bag and it was full of rose petals

05:40oh wow how sweet kia ora hoama uh i was wondering if any of you fellas i mean you gentlemen would like

05:46to accompany me to the park down the road let us commune with nature as friends and kindred spirits

05:54oh we can listen to the tui oh their song is so beautiful this time of year yep that's it they

06:01will listen to some tui love me a bit of tui but uh also i would like to teach you all a little game

06:06surely if we want to hear the tui we should be deeper in the forest uh spread out

06:19okay um spread out in a line with some distance in between you see this this is a rugby ball

06:27oh oh now you pass it to darren no no no no no no no throw it to darren

06:38come on bro you can do better than that uh try that again but with a bit more

06:41kaha behind it and from your hip like this from the hat yeah

06:47yeah yeah better yeah okay now you have a go daz daz i like the shortening of names and adding a z

06:54speedy okay muz yeah ah oh i got it oh i like that heaps a gha pretty mean eh yeah

07:05I can be a lie now.

07:35What a sight, man.

07:52What a sight.

07:54Yeah.

07:55The glory of the old world bow

07:59The old world bow

08:03The old world bow

08:07The old world bow

08:11Scrum time, we're out, touch, engage

08:15Smells like fish and chips in here

08:19There's a ball

08:21All right

08:25Go back, go back, go back

08:29Check the bag

08:31With the other ties

08:33Orange segment is beer and pies

08:37One tackle, rolling ball

08:39The gold of love

08:41The old world bow

08:43How awesome was that, eh, brothers?

08:45Rugby!

08:47What do you reckon, Mus? What did you like about that?

08:49Rugby! Yep, that's the name of the game, but

08:51What did you like about it?

08:53Rugby!

08:55Rugby

08:57Rugby

08:59Rugby

09:01Rugby

09:03Rugby

09:05Rugby

09:07Rugby

09:09Rugby

09:11Rugby

09:13Rugby

09:15Rugby

09:17Rugby

09:19Rugby

09:21Rugby

09:23Rugby

09:25Rugby

09:27Rugby

09:29Rugby

09:31Rugby

09:33Rugby

09:35Rugby

09:37Rugby

09:39Rugby

09:41Rugby

09:43Would you get a kiss?

09:47In the style of the French?

09:52May I have your consent?

09:54Yes. Yeah.

09:55Um, I consent.

10:05Uh, Mr. Harrison?

10:07Dad, what have you done?

10:10It wasn't intentional. I swear.

10:12A city-wide riot has broken out across Wellington and Lower Hutt.

10:17We cross live to reporter Karen Karen.

10:19Thanks, Dominic.

10:20So I'm here in the streets watching the hordes of men wreaking havoc,

10:22tackling anything that moves,

10:24and then forming impromptu huddles with the orange segments.

10:26I've managed to find someone I can talk to.

10:28What's your name, sir?

10:29Bez!

10:30And, um, why are you doing all this tackling?

10:31Because it's awesome!

10:33Are you concerned that some people don't want to be tackled?

10:36No, it's awesome!

10:37Rugby! Rugby! Rugby! Rugby!

10:39So far, one fatality has been reported.

10:42Mrs. Beverly Schrodinger was sadly killed in a rolling mall.

10:45Authorities advise everyone to stay indoors

10:47and avoid all contact with oval objects.

10:49Oh, my God!

10:50No!

10:53Back to you in the studio.

10:54Dad, what have you done?

10:56I didn't know I was going to get this bad, okay?

10:58They just went rugby crazy.

11:00All I did was teach them a few, like, spin passes,

11:02some chip kicks,

11:04and some dough-ins,

11:05and a strum.

11:05Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

11:07What are you doing?

11:08I don't know, but

11:09I like the sound of this rugby.

11:11Look at me.

11:11No, no, no, no, no, whoa, hey.

11:13Hey, look at me.

11:14What about the fact that

11:15different characters in Winnie the Pooh

11:17represent different types of neurodiversity?

11:20Wow.

11:22I hadn't thought about that, but it's so true.

11:26You have to fix this.

11:27How?

11:30Uh, no, no, don't answer that.

11:32Well, that could be the artisan chutney that I ordered.

11:34No, um, honey.

11:36Honey, wait.

11:37Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

11:39Hey, ni hao, namaste,

11:40telofa laba, tēnā koe,

11:42and bonjour.

11:43I always forget bonjour,

11:45and he's French.

11:46Hey, my name's, uh, P. William Doyle,

11:48and I'm a cop.

11:49A counsellor of people, it's an acronym.

11:51Yep, ah, I know who you are, Phil.

11:53Hey, friend.

11:54Hey, honey, more.

11:56Bella.

11:57Nice man bun.

11:58Oh, thank you.

11:59That's, wow, that's a nice compliment, thank you.

12:01Um, so, look,

12:02it's come to my attention,

12:03or our attention,

12:04that you've incited the citywide riots

12:06that are currently taking place

12:07in the city.

12:09Hey, look.

12:10I only wanted to teach some dudes

12:11about the greatest game there ever was.

12:13I never thought it would end like this.

12:14Oh, all these emotions

12:16that are bubbling away down there.

12:17You know what we should do?

12:19Is talk about your feelings

12:20down at the station

12:21over a Serenity brew or three.

12:23Why can't we just have a chat here?

12:25Well, I just don't really feel

12:26like the Feng Shui in here

12:27is conducive to us having some

12:28open and honest dialogue, that's all.

12:31Why don't you come with me?

12:32Down the station.

12:33Here we go.

12:34He won't be long.

12:36Bye, Queen.

12:47How's the Serenity brew, Warren?

12:48How's the Serenity brew?

12:52Now, Warren, I think it's important

12:54for us to talk through the context

12:56of what you've done.

12:57Now, would you be open to doing that?

12:58Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

13:00Good.

13:01Good for you, mate.

13:02Now, not a lot of people know this, mate,

13:05but the game of rugby was outlawed

13:10in the early part of the 20th century.

13:14See you later.

13:14And the New Zealand government

13:16since that time, quite rightly,

13:17has tried to suppress any sporting activity

13:21that might cause public disorder.

13:24And any person still wrestling

13:25with the compulsion to play the game of rugby

13:28is usually bound up into a straitjacket

13:30and shipped off to the global sporting penile colony

13:33that we all know as Australia.

13:36Yeah, well, where I come from,

13:39rugby brings us all together.

13:41What are you talking about?

13:42Whereabouts do you come from?

13:43Uh, I mean, uh...

13:44Hey, you're not from Australia.

13:47Are you?

13:48No, relax.

13:49I'm not from Australia.

13:51Woo!

13:51Holy smoke!

13:52You can't scare me like a fight.

13:55Woo!

13:55My sacral chakra just about did a backflip.

13:58Goodness gracious me.

13:59Hey, if you're not from Australia,

14:00then how do you know the rules

14:01of this heathen sport known as rugby?

14:04I, uh, guess it's just in my DNA.

14:09Well, let's get it out of there, mate.

14:11Let's get it out of your DNA.

14:13Now, here at COPS, we have a procedure

14:14whereby we like to let the perpetrator,

14:16that's you, Warren,

14:17know the effect of their actions

14:18on the wider community.

14:20And I find the best way to do that, mate,

14:22is through the power

14:23of non-confrontational improv.

14:26Now, would you be open to doing

14:28some non-confrontational improv, Warren?

14:32Yes.

14:34IMPIC.

14:39That actually looks surprisingly,

14:41bewilderingly,

14:42frickin' awesome, eh?

14:44No, no, it's just a silly game.

14:46Um, do you do any other kinds of

14:48physical activities?

14:50Yeah, I do a little kapo weda

14:52and some interpretive dance

14:54in amongst designing my own line of bespoke shoes.

14:58Wow.

15:00Correct answer.

15:02I hope your dad's okay.

15:03He's gonna be fine.

15:05Ha!

15:06Ooh!

15:06Hi!

15:07Duh!

15:08Let me out, Mum!

15:10It's dark in here!

15:11This time, Warren, you ask me how

15:15I am

15:16and I'll be you.

15:17Okay?

15:19Hi, Warren.

15:19How are you?

15:20Oh, me not know,

15:21because me big dum-dum.

15:22Me dum.

15:23I don't sound like that.

15:24Well, you would if you had a concussion, mate,

15:25which I believe happens a lot

15:26in the game of rugby.

15:28Ah, let's stay in it.

15:29Okay, this time,

15:30ask me if I want to go to the opera.

15:32Hi, Warren.

15:33Would you like to go to the opera?

15:35Oh, me not know what opera is,

15:36because me big dum-dum.

15:37Me have too many knocked to the head.

15:38Me don't know met the man.

15:40Look, playing rugby doesn't automatically

15:41make you stupid, okay?

15:43Well, I just think you're finding

15:44this very confronting, Warren,

15:45having someone like myself

15:46reflect yourself back at you so accurately.

15:48Point.

15:48I thought that was very good, mate.

15:49Very good.

15:50Some really positive things in there, Warren.

15:51Mm.

15:52And I think all that's left for you, mate,

15:53is to attend.

15:56You're reblossoming.

16:00My re-what?

16:01It's a series of lectures

16:02based on anthropology,

16:03sculpting and the history

16:04of Mongolian throat singing.

16:05And I tell you what, mate,

16:06you're going to love it.

16:07Okay.

16:08Yeah.

16:09So can I go now?

16:10Well, you've always been free to go, mate.

16:12No one's holding you here.

16:13Really, sir?

16:14I don't have to be here anymore?

16:15No, you came here

16:16of your own free will, remember?

16:17Well, did you take another

16:18knock to the head

16:18because you big dum-dum?

16:21Now, let's not forget this,

16:23your beautiful cashmere cardigan

16:24that you wrapped up

16:25and transformed into

16:26that nasty, nasty rug people.

16:29Here you go, mate.

16:30Okay.

16:31Here you go.

16:31Good game.

16:32Okay.

16:32Wow.

16:44Hey.

16:45Door said I was free to go.

16:47You were free to go, Warren.

16:49Oh, but in doing so,

16:50you evaded arrest.

16:51And that, my friend,

16:52is punishable by execution,

16:53I'm sorry to say.

16:54Seriously?

16:55Deadly.

16:56Oh, yes!

16:58They call me Attila, mate.

16:59Attila the pun.

17:00You know, this isn't the first time

17:01this has happened.

17:02What is it with your dystopian societies

17:04and your executions?

17:05What happened to my re-blossoming

17:07or the Mongolian throat kissing

17:09or whatever?

17:09Well, you forfeited all that, mate,

17:11when you waddled out of the

17:11interrogation room

17:12with your big dummy face.

17:14Okay?

17:14I think now's a good time

17:16for us to get this little

17:17scallywag ready for his execution,

17:18friends.

17:18What say you?

17:19I've really enjoyed our time together.

17:26Me too.

17:28I don't think this reality

17:29could get any better.

17:30I know one way

17:31we can make it better.

17:34Would you like to kiss

17:35in the style of the French now?

17:39Oui, oui.

17:39Hi, honey.

17:45Hi, honey.

17:46Hey, jump in.

17:47Your father is about to be executed.

17:50Executed?

17:50What the heck for?

17:52Oh, crime's against the humanities,

17:54so we should probably have a chat

17:56with him before that happens.

17:58They're going to execute him?

17:59Yeah, executions happen all the time.

18:02You should definitely go, though.

18:04Watching your father's execution

18:05might bring some closure for you.

18:06How do we save him?

18:15Hmm?

18:15Who?

18:16Dad, obviously.

18:17How do we stop them executing him?

18:19Oh, no, there's no stopping it.

18:21Look, I'm just trying to book a table

18:23at that amazing Ethiopian place.

18:24I thought we could go there after.

18:26Yes, and they do those stunning

18:27fermented and jitter pancakes.

18:29Where do they do the executions?

18:31You know where they do them.

18:31You tend to at least 50 of them.

18:3350?

18:34Why does this reality

18:35have to have such a dark

18:36underbelly?

18:37I always say that, um,

18:39execution is a small price

18:40to pay for paradise.

18:43Drive there now!

18:49Tell off a lover.

18:50Wait, you're my executioner?

18:52Yeah, well, it's reliable work.

18:53And it's fun, too.

18:56Wait, what are you doing?

18:58Oh, we've started executing

18:59through the use of blow darts.

19:01Now, this frog's called Janice.

19:03Isn't she gorgeous?

19:05So the poison she secretes

19:07is all natural.

19:08Okay, now it's humanely extracted.

19:10Also, we've brought

19:11the Bolivian poison dart frog

19:12back from the brink of extinction.

19:16Why didn't you just use guns, man?

19:18Oh, that's far too barbaric.

19:26Dad!

19:27Dad!

19:28Lucy!

19:28You're right.

19:29We have to get out of here.

19:31I'm sorry I didn't believe you

19:32that this universe sucks.

19:34Peace be with you,

19:36inside you,

19:37and around you.

19:39Mission oil.

19:39Please.

19:40Please don't kill my dad.

19:42Of course I won't.

19:42Don't worry about it.

19:45I'm going to get one of his best friends,

19:46Darren, to do it.

19:47Let's go dazzle!

19:49Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

19:53Can I please?

19:54At least let me have some final words.

19:57Hey, I really like that you said please there.

19:59It shows a lot of manners.

20:00So, yes,

20:02I'm going to let you say some final words,

20:03but you have to tell them

20:04through the medium

20:05of an interpretative dance.

20:07Yay! Let's go Warren!

20:12Hey look, I'm just going to say some actual words.

20:15If I'm going to die today, I just want to say...

20:18anymore.

20:20I've travelled to many universes and in each one I just...

20:23I just fall in love with you all over again.

20:27Wherever I go,

20:29you're the light that guides me home.

20:32I just want to come home, my darling.

20:34We both do.

20:37We want to come home to you.

20:42Oh Warren,

20:44I have something to confess.

20:47I've been practising ethical non-monogamy with...

20:55Inspector Phil Doyle.

20:57And she is amazing Warren, monogamazing.

21:01I have to say.

21:02So giving.

21:03And so are you mate.

21:04That speech was so heartfelt.

21:05It really moved me.

21:07I think you'd have to have a heart of stone not to be moved by those words.

21:10So here's what we're going to do Warren.

21:13Continue the execution!

21:16Yes, let's go!

21:20Lucy, no! No!

21:21Don't...

21:23Kill my dad!

21:24No!

21:25No!

21:28No!

21:29No!

21:31No!

21:33No!

21:34Mario!

21:38What the Gundam one just happened?

21:40What the Gundam winch has happened?

21:47Vortex!

21:49Let's go!

21:58What the hell did my body just do?

22:02What was that, Dad?

22:05Yeah, about that, sweetheart.

22:07Well, um, okay?

22:09So it's bound to come out sooner than later.

22:12What?

22:14Your mother and I never told you the truth about where you really come from.

22:19It all happened 18 years ago.

22:37Wait, I came out of the Vortex.

22:48What universe did I come from?

22:50I don't think this is our home.

23:06No, Lucy.

23:07I think this is your home.

23:09Dad, wake up!

23:20Perhaps Warren's luck has finally run out.

23:23But that's a story for another time.

23:26Another place.

23:27Dad!

23:28Another world.

23:29Dad!

23:30Dad!

23:31Dad!

23:32Dad!

23:33Dad!

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