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00:00Previously on Celebs Go Dating
00:02Six brand new celebs came looking for love
00:05I'm so excited guys
00:07And they were thrown a swanky dinner party
00:10This is a bit booed
00:11Where their nearest and dearest spilled the tea
00:14Is she terrified of...
00:15Gentlemen
00:15Steven's a nightmare
00:18Elderly ladies have got very close to him
00:22Absolute granny magnet
00:25Dates were then dished out
00:26He has chucked me
00:28Dating
00:29Meow
00:30And tonight
00:31Hi
00:32Hi
00:33We get deep
00:34I was very much abandoned
00:36We get direct
00:37You're right bitch now
00:38And we get dirty
00:40God, suck a fart out of your ass
00:42He's got some cheek
00:44As a celebs
00:46Three since four since more sons
00:47Go
00:48I'm never gonna go on y'all
00:49Dating
00:50Um
00:51Piney with the boom boom
00:53Do you mind if I kiss you?
00:54I don't know, can you play the drums?
00:59A-pa-ti-a-pa-ti
01:01A-pa-ti-a-pa-ti
01:02A-pa-ti-a-pa-ti
01:03Welcome to Celebs Go Dating
01:05Romance rehab for any star lacking a little ooh la la
01:09Come on, let's get all your juices on your nib
01:12And Tom's playing with his penis again
01:14Sorry, read that wrong, Tom's playing with his pens again
01:17A-da
01:19Meaning
01:20To burn with passion
01:25Someone who always makes me a little arda
01:27And the only man who can pull off a leather gilet outside the village people
01:31Is Paul the big doll Brunson
01:35Oh my best chum
01:38Look at the size of those trouser legs
01:40Hello my love
01:41How's everything?
01:41Oh my goodness
01:43What?
01:44You have a chalkboard
01:45Yes, very high-tech Tom
01:46I love it
01:47So, every day are we going to get a word?
01:49Well, if you'd like
01:51Yes
01:51I mean, the thing is, I could use it for admin as well
01:55Oh no
01:55You prefer that etymological stimulation
01:58I knew you would
02:02Well, if there's stimulation of any kind going on
02:05Saucy sexpert Dr. T is going to want to be a part of it
02:10Hi friends
02:11Hi
02:12Hello
02:13Good morning
02:14Hi
02:15Good morning
02:17And you know A-dubs won't want to be left out in the rain
02:19Should have hung Paul's trousers up as a canopy
02:22Could have kept the whole postcode dry
02:25Good morning T
02:27Oh
02:27Cool, bloody hell, it's quite cats and dogs
02:29Hello
02:29Oh, you look so good
02:30Thank you, I'm very wet
02:32Oh
02:32Ever the oversharer
02:34Such a wet day, but such an exciting day
02:36Very exciting
02:37Off the back of yesterday
02:38Off the back of yesterday, yeah
02:39That was, can I say
02:40That was the most phenomenal opening event I think we've ever had
02:45Beautiful and insightful
02:46Someone that surprised me was Colleen
02:50Colleen's someone who's so prominent in the UK media
02:54So, in my head I thought she would be a bit of a diva
02:58But, oh, absolutely not
03:01Wow
03:01So warm, kind and nice
03:03I don't know, I've seen her ride her
03:05A bowl full of lemon sherbets and a can of dandelion and burdock
03:07Or she won't turn up
03:09From a negative, it was Gabby
03:11Yes, here is someone now who is a rabbit in the headlights
03:14Yes
03:15And I think this is going to be a real challenge for Gabby
03:18Very exposing, I thought, for Gabby
03:21Yes
03:21What do we think of Lucinda?
03:22Oh, I mean, I think she's exactly like what you see is what you get
03:26Yeah
03:26When she signed up to join the agency, immediately I was a bit apprehensive
03:31Because she does consider herself an expert in this category of love and relationships
03:39And I thought, wow, will she be open enough to actually hear us out?
03:44Who surprised you the most last night?
03:47Steven, without question
03:49Because I feel like he was also one of the leaders
03:51He set the tone by being vulnerable
03:53Yes
03:54And that allowed the entire group to be vulnerable
03:55Yes
03:56So I applaud that
03:57Yes
03:57Because if he set the tone by being jokey or by being dismissive
04:02Everyone would have followed through
04:03Yes
04:04Yeah, yeah
04:04All right, Paul, some of us pay the mortgage being jokey and dismissive
04:09Anyway, you'll be pleased to know, first in the agency
04:12And in need of some expert coaching
04:14After a while out of the dating game
04:16Is golden boy Steven
04:17A man who's so pro-green
04:19That he'll wear all the ugliest shades of it
04:21Liberty dating agency
04:23Hello, Steven
04:24Come in, do
04:24It was meant to be a one-night king
04:27Nothing more than a little one-night queen
04:29Now when I'm in need, you're the one-night ring
04:31I need you too
04:35Entree
04:35Hello
04:37Hello, you
04:38Look at that noisy jacket
04:39How are you doing?
04:40Oh, I'm swell
04:42Good, you look great
04:43I forget how lofty you are
04:44You're like a...
04:45You're like a great sequoia
04:47What's a sequoia?
04:48You know, like those redwoods
04:50You're forgetting he's not actually a professor, Tom
04:52Those ones that sort of stretch up to the skies almost interminably
04:56Very tall trees
04:57Yeah, he could have just said that
04:59I was in the jungle recently
05:01Oh really?
05:02You should mention it more often
05:03Do you know what?
05:04You had such a good bunch in there
05:05I met H recently
05:06And he's a...
05:07Oh, H is sublime
05:08He's a gorgeous human
05:09Yeah
05:09Do you know, in a funny old way
05:11I think you and H are very similar
05:13Are they?
05:13Because you're very, very...
05:15We're both white and we rap
05:17Well...
05:18Awkward
05:18Change of subject, Tom
05:19I'm glad that your lucky mastoid is popping out again
05:22How can you see that when his legs are crossed?
05:25It's always out there unless I've got a scarf on
05:26Oh, he means his toe
05:28Oh, do you have any names on you?
05:31I've got a couple
05:32The most recent one is half of my son's name
05:35His name is Slimane, which is the Arabic Solomon
05:37Got slim on me in his handwriting
05:40I've got fat on me in my wife's handwriting
05:42Spit a thumb
05:49One thing that's no joke is how seriously Gabby takes getting ready for a date
05:53The geezers are fishermen Gabs just chucking some waders and reel him in
05:57Most people say less is more, but I like more is more
06:02Flipping heck, is she Rob Toot and Carmoon?
06:04The more jewellery I can wear the better
06:06I feel like it makes an outfit
06:07And also this is the most organised I've ever been for any date in my whole life
06:11Surprised you're making any effort after the way you went on at last night's dinner party
06:17Oh, I don't fancy
06:18I spend my days handling carp, is that fish?
06:21It is
06:22That doesn't turn me on
06:23Really? I'm getting a semi
06:24Can we have another one?
06:25You can, but he handles trout
06:28All I know about him is that he handles carp on the daily
06:31Just think of all the Omega 3 Gabs
06:33I need to maybe broaden my horizons and not be so set in my ways
06:38And think that I know what I want when I might, that might, that might be where I'm going wrong
06:43Alright, well that sounds begrudgingly positive, well done
06:46You know, if I really fancy somebody then I can kind of just ignore all the red flags
06:50Just because I think they really fit
06:53So, maybe I need to do it the opposite way around and get to know someone first
06:56And then really like them
06:58Yeah, that's the spirit
06:59I don't ever put this much thought into it
07:02It's just intense
07:04It's a lot
07:06There's so much you have to think about
07:07Let alone the bloody, what dress I'm going to wear
07:09Does it actually even matter?
07:11What I wear at this point?
07:13Ah
07:14And we're back to Negi energy again
07:16It was good white lasted
07:19Far more excited is Anna, who's fangirling hard after calling Pro Green up for his consultation
07:24I don't think we've ever had a celebrity quite as cool as Steven, Professor Green
07:30Dean Gaffney's going to be fuming
07:32This is what I loved about him at the dinner party
07:34He says that everyone thinks he is this quite hard man, cool, because he's a hip hop star
07:40Yes
07:40But he doesn't see that and even his friend Lewis was like
07:44He's clunky, he's awkward, he's chaotic
07:46He actually called him a nightmare
07:48So I think what's going to be brilliant is shining a spotlight on
07:52Professor Green, Steven
07:53In a way that nobody has ever done before
07:57Come on in
08:01Hello
08:04Steven's openness at the dinner party made him an early contender for teacher's pet
08:08I'm relatively newly separated
08:10My situation is difficult
08:13Everything works backwards from being a father
08:15So I would like to get under the
08:17I'd like to get under my hood
08:18Find out a little bit about me
08:20And first to try and get underneath said hood is Viv
08:23We have some envelopes
08:24These are your first dates
08:26Shit's real
08:27Shit just got real
08:28Well if Viv is even half as keen as Anna
08:30He'll be set
08:31I'll never leave you Steven
08:33I need you tonight is constantly on in my kitchen
08:36Well on that subject it clearly is a true story
08:38For all my fans that thought I was just playing a character
08:41That was a song about a man who was hopeless in love wasn't it?
08:44Yes
08:45Look we've had plenty of musicians come through the celebrity dating agency doors
08:49But Steven is the first bonafide rapper
08:52And as a hip-hop fan
08:54Coming from the birthplace of hip-hop
08:57Queens, New York
08:58I can't tell you how excited I am that he is here
09:01Did you ever breakdance?
09:02Hell no
09:03Alright so in full disclosure
09:05Do you know this?
09:05Can you breakdance?
09:06Something tells me we're about to find out
09:08So
09:08Hang on I've known this man in 10 years
09:11Alright
09:11Ready?
09:13Oh you get it
09:15Smooth
09:17Oh so he can't breakdance
09:21You have to commit to your best breakdance move
09:25Sorry to be boring Bobby
09:26But can we commit to finding Steven a date and stop mucking about please?
09:30Go on then
09:30Are you ready?
09:31My tits might fall out
09:32Oh I suppose there's no harm in one more move
09:35Sorry Steven
09:38She wasn't joking
09:41What are you doing?
09:42She's making a well respected rapper feel very uncomfortable P-dog
09:46That's what she's doing
09:47We want to applaud you for the dinner party
09:51Because of how you started and how you opened
09:53I quite often dive head first
09:56Here I am
09:57Here it is
09:57But in this instance I'm really happy I did
09:59If it gave people permission to
10:03To put forward what they might not have otherwise
10:05What is it that you believe we can help you most with?
10:09I've never had objective opinion
10:12On how I communicate
10:15In the setting of a date
10:18And you know
10:19Hands up I've been completely honest
10:21I don't know if I'm even ready to date
10:22But there's more pressure than needs to be on it
10:24By saying it's a date
10:26Because ultimately it's two people sitting down
10:28And having a conversation
10:29That is a major statement
10:31Hands up
10:32I may not be ready to date
10:35That's one that we definitely have to unpack a bit
10:38Yeah
10:39In a session
10:39There's going to be feelings of guilt around all of this
10:43Is it guilt because it's very fresh coming into the dating world?
10:47Because obviously we are aware that you have very recently come out of a relationship
10:52And is that the source of guilt?
10:54Absolutely that is the source of guilt
10:55It's really hard to step confidently into something new when what came before it is still so close in the
11:04rear view
11:05And when there is a child involved it is made ever more complicated
11:10Not least of all because they are front and centre and priority in all things
11:15I am still grieving
11:17The loss of your relationship
11:19Yeah
11:19Absolutely
11:20Of course
11:21And not just for me
11:23For our family
11:25And for our son
11:26For those feelings of confusion that we are impacting him with
11:29It feels like a hell of a lot
11:31A lot
11:32Yeah
11:33Yeah
11:33Yeah
11:34Yeah
11:34Yeah
11:42Yeah
11:44Yeah
11:47Yeah
11:47Yeah
11:48Welcome back to Celebs Go Dating
11:50Where a bonza little beauty is heading in for some pointers after getting paired up with a date at last
11:56night's dinner party
11:57I think the first tip should be don't marry the lad at first sight
12:00Arse truth
12:03Hello celebrity dating agency
12:05Hello gorgeous Tom it's Lucinda
12:17Come in
12:18Oh
12:19Oh
12:19Hello
12:22Sartorial sorceress you are
12:23Well then you should tell her her wizard sleeves hanging out
12:26Having recently delved rather extensively down under
12:31I have returned to Blighty with a hankering for more
12:35And Lucinda more than satisfies that hankering
12:39You look to me like somebody in her prime
12:43You just radiate light
12:45That is very sweet
12:46You know Lucinda means light
12:48It means the sparkle on the champagne
12:50You are like a vintage champagne
12:52Everything
12:52You're suffused with gold
12:54Do you know what else I got out of that is vintage
12:56Which I like
12:57Because it's true
12:58I'm middle-aged now
12:59Oh no no no no
13:00Which is what I know
13:01Oh Lucinda what have I said
13:03Pretty sure you said she was old and dusty like forgotten fizz
13:07That's what weird
13:09Upstairs an uncorked Stevens continuing to open up to Anna and Paul about his relationship troubles
13:15I've never been very good at letting go
13:18I really struggle
13:18Even when things aren't good for me or good for us or good for you know anyone involved
13:24And I don't know if that comes from my having been abandoned early on
13:30Everyone always goes back to childhood right to try and find the reasons for things
13:33Correct
13:34But I was very much abandoned and felt as such
13:38Despite having such a solid family unit by way of my grandmother, my great grandmother and my uncles
13:42And I think that potentially makes me not want to abandon someone else because I'm very aware of that feeling
13:50Right
13:51Stephen is clearly feeling very fragile and understandably so
13:55He has been through a lot of challenges in his life ranging from his early childhood right up until recent
14:02relationship breakdown
14:03But he does seem to be very open to working through a lot of those emotions which will be immensely
14:08helpful
14:09What we want you to do is use this opportunity to help you grieve your relationship
14:14And I think when it comes to the dating side of things to help you with some of your challenges
14:21Communication, interpersonal skills, confidence, self-esteem
14:26I feel like some of that has been eroded
14:28Right
14:29My posture isn't always, you know, I've had people pick up on it
14:32Right
14:33And I carry things, you know, and I don't, I'm not very good at hiding that
14:39And at 42, having recently been diagnosed as autistic
14:43And trying to get my head around that, it's so weird getting to this age and being like
14:48Hmm
14:49Who am I?
14:53Have you dated within the last year?
14:59No, not like, let's go to a restaurant, let's, this could be something, no
15:02Are you still open to going out on dates?
15:06It's, yeah, I have to reframe it as something other than to be comfortable with it, but yeah
15:10What works for you? Meetup? A drink?
15:14I don't know
15:15How about meetup?
15:16Nah, celebs go meeting up sounds world shit
15:19They do that on Amsterdam
15:20Does that feel more comfortable for you?
15:22Yeah
15:22Perfect, because that really is all it is
15:24The pressure is off
15:26I think it's going to be a really good first step for you with Viv
15:30I will just try and follow your lead and trust you
15:34Super
15:35Thank you, thank you
15:36Steven, thank you
15:37Alright, thank you
15:38Alright, thank you
15:39We're going to have a really fun time, I promise you
15:41See you later
15:41Bye love, see you
15:42See ya
15:44Man, gosh, I tell you
15:47He's perfect
15:48What a brilliant chap
15:51Yes
15:51I mean, he is very complicated, he's very deep, he's very self-aware
15:55And I think it's very brave of him to want to be vulnerable with us to explore his romantic life
16:03as well
16:04So while Steven has the night to ready himself for tomorrow's day, sorry, meet up with Viv
16:16A judgmental Gabby has been told to be a bit more accepting going into her first date at the agency
16:21with Fisherman Johnny
16:22I'm actually really nervous about my dates
16:24On first impressions, I wasn't instantly attracted to him
16:29He's obsessed with fish, and listen, I need my man to be more obsessed with me than anything
16:33So that's one thing that we might have to work through
16:36Come on Gabs, cut him some slack, there's more to the man than just fish
16:40So on way down, I've called past fair, right, and I've played a bit of hook and duck and I've
16:45only gone and bought her a goldfish from fair
16:47So I'm gonna see how she likes a little pet goldfish
16:50Okay, so maybe he's a little bit obsessed with fish, but at least he didn't bring a carp
16:54I wasn't initially attracted to Johnny, but, you know, things can change
16:58He might have great crap
16:59Or he might have a fish in a bag
17:01Oh my god
17:09What are you saying my lashing rod?
17:11I can't bet you've never ever ever seen this in your life, have you?
17:15Calm down, it's a goldfish, not the Loch Ness Monster
17:18But nobody's ever fetched you a goldfish
17:21No!
17:22Yeah?
17:22Thank you
17:23What would you name it?
17:24Oh, do you want me to name it for you?
17:26Yeah, go on, what would you call it?
17:27I'd call it Little Johnny me
17:28Normally bringing a Johnny to a first date would be a bit presumptuous, but this is a whole nother level
17:33I cannot believe that he's walked in with a goldfish
17:36It's definitely an icebreaker, but it's not the kind of first impression that I was looking for
17:43It's cute though, but surely you catch bigger fish than this though?
17:46I do catch bigger fish than that
17:48Big carp
17:48Big carp, yeah
17:49Big carp
17:50Is that what you do?
17:51Have you ever done fishing?
17:52I just thought it was so boring
17:54He can't wrap his head around that can he?
17:57What do you mean he's in?
17:59So tell me, okay, wait, I'll just
18:01Pull it back
18:02Why fishing?
18:04There's no better thing than being inside at water
18:06Do you know when you wake up in the morning and you've got water and you wake up to ducks
18:10Bird life and stuff like that
18:11And then catching a fish is another thing
18:14That's just a bonus really
18:15I just like being at one with nature so we say
18:17Oh, that's nice
18:18I know Gabs, I'm sold, pass me a rod
18:21Can I take your food out of you?
18:23I'm just going to have a pepperoni pizza, mate
18:25Are you?
18:26Yeah
18:26What are you going to have now?
18:27I'm going to get a sea bass piece
18:28Cover your ears little Johnny, might be his cousin
18:31I know we're all going to have a fish
18:33Ha ha ha
18:34A babe, you know
18:35Well, this is going better than expected
18:37I wonder if Gabi's going to end up lakeside with her hands on Johnny's tackle
18:45Never been the time to be cautious
18:47Back at the agency, Dr. T and the PCB are hoping to tackle Lucinda's relationship woes
18:53Yes
18:53I'm excited to see her
18:55I'm very curious why it has been such a struggle for her to date
18:59Yes
19:00Because she's a gem
19:01Yes
19:01So what is wrong?
19:03Great question
19:03We will find out
19:05Hi
19:06Hi
19:07Oh my gosh, hello you gorgeous creatures
19:10Lucinda, you're here
19:12Lucinda brightens and opens up every room she walks into
19:16And I can't tell you how excited I am that she's walked through the agency doors
19:21I'm a little bit nervous
19:23My heart's beating
19:24She's dragged her sleeve up two floors
19:26It's a lot on the line all of this, isn't it?
19:30What is on the line?
19:32I suppose exposing myself to love again
19:37I'm letting some armour go
19:39I'm being really real
19:41And I'm absolutely on the pursuit for my love
19:46Lucinda, what is the last committed, loving, safe relationship you were in?
19:53End of 2018
19:55I was with somebody for five years
19:58He had children
19:58And I was 38 and really wanted a baby
20:01And he was just so undecided about it
20:05And I just walked
20:06I walked on my 38th birthday
20:08Wow
20:09And it was one of the hardest things I've done
20:12And I was just full of regret and pain
20:15And I then had a nervous breakdown
20:18I was a wreck
20:20Absolute wrecking ball
20:21It's really brave for Lucinda to open up about this
20:25Time is of the essence
20:27And the pressure is really on for us to find a suitable partner for her to take the next step
20:31with
20:32I think a big point of tension that perhaps you've already worked on it
20:36I recently worked on it actually is grieving not having children
20:40Oh
20:41It was a big moment for me
20:43And I'm sure you had to go through a lot of internal emotional rollercoaster of like
20:48Well, but I'm a woman
20:49This is what I'm supposed to do
20:51And I think I'm still grieving Ash
20:55Did you freeze your aches?
20:56No
20:56No
20:57No
20:58Because I always thought, you know, we'll crack open life into existence if it's meant to be
21:05Look, I'm a Cancerian Mama
21:07I always thought I'd have kids
21:09And it is still possible that I do
21:12I'm quite philosophical about it
21:14I've always sort of left it up to the universe to decide what will be so, will be so
21:19There's still a tiny piece of me that's like, but you still could know
21:24Like what if you met somebody you could actually still at the eleventh hour squeeze in a little nugger
21:42Whilst Lucinda wishes for a conceivable connection, Gabby's already been on the receiving end of Johnny's Little Swimmers
21:47Thank you, hon
21:48Have a dick at size of that, man
21:51Have a dick? I'll have a look, but that's as far as I'll go
21:55Enjoy
21:55Thank you so much
21:56Right, go on then, tell me
21:58What kind of bloat you're into? Are you into a proper chava or are you into a spice boy?
22:02Yeah, I'm into a sort of one of them pretty boys
22:06I do like a good looking face and
22:09A healthy appetite?
22:10Someone that works out, you look like you work out
22:12Do you train?
22:13Talking about training turns me on
22:15Here we go, talk about an open goal
22:17Go on, Johnny, reel her in, mate
22:19What you benching, bro?
22:21Jesus Christ, that's fucking red, aren't you?
22:24Mate, come on, I guess we can rule out the spice boy then
22:29Spicy hot?
22:30Spicy
22:34How's your fish?
22:35It's actually really good
22:36I don't think little Johnny's happy, you know
22:39Oh my God, no
22:40Don't cook, Johnny
22:41He's all brethrens all cooked up, man
22:45I wouldn't go as far as saying I fancy Johnny yet, but he's funny, I'll give him that
22:50Sounds like keeping an open mind is paying off, the agents are going to be well smug
22:56How long have you been single?
22:57I've been single for two years
23:01Give or tea
23:02I just find it so hard to find someone that I actually really like
23:05Yeah?
23:05How about you?
23:07Not long
23:07Not long?
23:09I feel like you're a player
23:12Play a player
23:14No?
23:15At least a night, mate
23:16Do you not get loads of girls in your DMs now?
23:18Lodge
23:19I'm not going to lie to you
23:20Come on, tell me what they say
23:21Tell me what they say
23:22I'll tell you what
23:23What the worst
23:24The worst one
23:25Were a bit weird
23:26It says
23:27Oh God, I'd suck a fart out of your arse
23:29She'd do what now?
23:30And I think to me saying
23:31Oh, sucking farts out of people's arses
23:34Do you know what I mean?
23:35Who's doing that?
23:36I don't know, but when you find out
23:37Give them my number
23:38I've got a backlog here
23:39What a girl wrote that?
23:40Yeah, yeah, yeah
23:44That didn't work
23:45No, did it fuck?
23:47To be fair, I wouldn't mind having a go on your arse anyway
23:50Fit, aren't you?
23:50Yeah
23:50Jesus Christ, he's turned up with a fish in a bag
23:53And he wants to suck a fart out of her arse
23:55What a first date
24:07Welcome back to Celebs Go Dating
24:09Where Lucinda's been bearing her soul to the agents
24:12And surrendering to a process
24:13In a way only someone prepared to marry a complete stranger could
24:17You are incredibly self-aware
24:21Do you believe that you're in a space to relinquish the guidance of your love life to us?
24:29Yes
24:30Okay
24:31I desperately need your help
24:32The last couple of years I have been quite dormant
24:36Oh, sorry to hear that, Luce
24:38Apart from a couple of affairs and a bit of poly
24:41And from a very sexy affair in Indonesia last year
24:45Oh
24:45Which was just hot to trash
24:47Oh
24:47Okay, well that put my hand job last month to shame
24:50I've been involved in tantra communities
24:52Oh, she's not finished
24:54Tried a woman for the first time in my life and that was incredible
24:59I have given it all a go, don't you worry
25:03We believe it, you've had it all, right?
25:05You've done it all
25:05I've done a bit of all of that
25:06Which means that
25:07Threesomes, foursomes, moresomes, you name it
25:09Yeah
25:10Sounds like she's done everything except learn what dormant means
25:13Is it your desire to have one committed partner?
25:19And then if so, in what form? Is that marriage or some other form?
25:24I am open to unconventional
25:27But I do love the idea of really sharing my life with somebody for the next couple of decades
25:36Okay
25:36I do want somebody that's up for life, you know
25:41Yes
25:42That's just got a bit of funk in his soul
25:44Yes
25:45Like I just want a sexy kind of middle-aged dude that's got it going on
25:49Watch your back, Paul, and your front
25:51So what did you think of the letter that you got at the dinner party?
25:57We have some envelopes
25:59They signify the beginning of your own dating journey
26:03Oh
26:04Aww
26:06He looks cool
26:08Neil, oh he seems delightful
26:10All this I really know about him is golfing and surfing
26:14Okay
26:14I don't know much about golf to be honest
26:17All right
26:17Is he a swinger? I'm not sure
26:19Just don't get excited if he mentions a foursome
26:22It's not what you think
26:23That's how I got barred from the West Wickham Pitch and Pat
26:26I've had many friends who've come from married at first sight
26:28Mm-hmm
26:29Okay
26:31Traumatised
26:32A tiny bit
26:34Yes
26:34But they often enter relationships very quickly
26:37Mm-hmm
26:38I will say though, you're not there to attach
26:41Mm-hmm
26:42You're simply there to observe
26:44Yes
26:44I think that's very important because that takes the pressure off
26:48This was a great first session
26:50Loving your vibes
26:51You guys just suck
26:52Yeah
26:53Wicked guns
26:55See you gorgeous
26:56We'll see you guys soon
26:57Okay, take care
26:58Thank you
26:59Have fun tonight
26:59Bye
27:03That was so lovely
27:04Yeah, she's great
27:05She has an opportunity to truly find a partner in this agency
27:11Who says she'll stick to one?
27:18And speaking of kinks still reeling from a flirty farty fantasy
27:22The open mind that Gabby was encouraged to bring to a date with fart Hoover Johnny
27:26Might be rapidly shrinking
27:29Imagine going on a date
27:31And being pulled out of your fucking head
27:33I'm so confused
27:34I like this guy, but it's too much, innit?
27:36I'd just walk away
27:37Wait
27:37I know what I want and I want what I know
27:39So I'm very forward
27:41Wait, so you do a backdoor
27:41Sorry, I've just got to go to the loo and then backdoor it
27:43Yeah, of course
27:44Don't tell him to backdoor it, Gabby
27:45He'll be all over you
27:48Spive
27:50But this is going well for me and you, my lass
27:52I'm still here, so
27:54Yeah, but how long will she be?
27:56So, if you take me out, where would you take me?
27:59I normally let the woman decide where we're going to go
28:03I need a leader though
28:04I like somebody that's like, I'm going to pick you up at 8
28:09We'll go in this place
28:10I'll take you
28:10Where would I take you?
28:12Curry house followed by yoga
28:16We can just go to a nice bar
28:17Yeah, I'd probably get smashed, yeah
28:19Yeah, get smashed back to an hotel
28:21Oh, ease off again
28:23Oh, okay
28:24Yeah
28:24First night
28:25You'll never find a sitter for little Johnny at such short notice
28:29Depends how you're feeling
28:32I'm easy me, my lass
28:33Yeah, we kind of noticed that when you offered to suck a fart out of her arse
28:37Johnny has got great energy
28:38It makes me barely laugh, but he's a lot
28:41Maybe a bit too much
28:43I'm just going to go for it to the toilet
28:45Yeah
28:46You do you, my lass
28:47Thank you
28:47You do you
28:48Hold up, where's she going?
28:50Is she going for a back door exit?
28:54She wouldn't leave him with sole custody of little Johnny, would she?
28:59Whilst Johnny waits to see if Gabby slipped out like a bum bubble
29:02Bubbly Colleen is slipping into the agency under the cover of darkness
29:06to discuss her date with Neil last night
29:09Hello, celebrity dating agency
29:11Hi, it's Colleen
29:13Sexy music
29:14On the wall
29:16Sexy music
29:18On the wall
29:43Sexy music
29:43You were magnificent last night, by the way
29:45Oh
29:45I just have to tell you
29:46You came in like a Madagascan movie
29:48And I just thought, my God, she's doing this with a plum and panache
29:55Are those her sisters?
29:56There's too many of them to remember
29:58Oh, Tom, stop
29:59I do
30:00An awful lot of gentlemen might think that in very short order too
30:03Oh, well, fingers crossed
30:05You're touring again, aren't you?
30:07Yeah, but this one is more of a, like an audience with
30:10But might there be a song?
30:12Oh, there has to be at least one song
30:14Have they got more than one?
30:15Oh, Colleen, yes
30:17There could not be
30:19They'll be sitting there waiting for it
30:21Oh, my God
30:22Get up, let me teach you don't make waves
30:24Don't make waves?
30:25I'm in the mood for dancing, Colleen
30:26Give the people what they want
30:28People remember this more than a song
30:30No one remembers the song
30:35Don't, don't make waves
30:37Oh, oh, you've become the
30:39Oh, I clicked then
30:40I did
30:40I did
30:40It's so embarrassing
30:42Fair play, Colleen still moves like someone half her age
30:45Tom dances like my nan though
30:47And she's on her full flip
30:58And hippie Lucinda is looking to put the moves on a middle aged dude with funk in his soul
31:03Could that be golf pro Neil?
31:04I'm actually really excited to meet Neil
31:07I think he looks like a really kind, lovely, open kind of guy
31:12Well, he's going to have to be open to quite a lot to keep up with you, Luce
31:15He's got a good vibe
31:17I haven't been on e-dating apps or anything like that for the best flight of six years
31:21And now I've thrown myself into this
31:23So what could go wrong?
31:25You could end up in a polyamorous foursome in Indonesia for all we know, mate
31:57Hi
31:58It's not bad
31:59I love all the beach boxes
32:01Yes
32:01The beach huts
32:02Well actually, do you know something?
32:05That would be the first beach huts in the UK
32:11Something tells me Neil's not a part of the tantric sex community
32:14Oh Neil is such a lovely guy and a really handsome guy
32:18I can tell he's nervous
32:20I hope he loosens up
32:25You're from Australia?
32:27I'm from Australia
32:27Whereabouts?
32:28I'm from the Great Ocean Road which is super surfing
32:31Nice
32:32It's a massive surf culture
32:33Do you surf?
32:35No, I'm in the ocean all the time
32:37But not so much on the surfboard
32:40Yeah
32:41Okay
32:42You're a golfer as well
32:43I teach golf as well
32:44You teach golf?
32:46Yeah, yeah, yeah
32:47Cool
32:47Okay
32:48Erm
32:49So while Lucinda and Neil try to find their way out of the rough
32:56The Asians are keen to hear how Colleen's dating journey teed off last night
33:01Golf stuff
33:02Hello
33:03Although I'm at the right door
33:04Hi Colleen
33:05Welcome
33:06During the dinner party Colleen opened up about her struggles with loneliness
33:11This sounds pathetic
33:12This year was the first time that I've ever had to put Christmas decorations upon my own
33:17Mm-hmm
33:18And then went straight out to meet former army engineer Neil
33:21So I've never actually blown up a bridge but I taught people how to do it
33:25Backseat driver
33:27There's no one to tell about my day
33:30Oh my god that's me
33:31After a promising start the ex-soldier went in for the kill
33:34I would really like to see you again
33:37I hope you feel the same
33:38Yeah that'd be lovely
33:39Really Colleen
33:41Welcome to the agency
33:43Welcome to your safe space
33:45Oh absolutely
33:46I'm genuinely here for your help
33:49To hopefully meet someone
33:51Amazing
33:51Because I'm just not doing a very good job of it
33:54I'm trying
33:55Is it possible for us to go into unpacking your date?
34:02So Neil
34:03I can't fault him on being a really nice man
34:07Because he was
34:08But as time went on I just didn't feel any connection
34:12I don't know I just didn't feel attracted
34:15And then
34:16Go on
34:17He asked me if I want to see him again
34:19Okay
34:20What did you say?
34:21I went
34:22Oh
34:24Yeah
34:24That'd be nice
34:25Wow
34:26Oh Colleen
34:27Nolan
34:28He was so nice
34:30How can I say to someone no?
34:32That's the epitome of people pleasing
34:34This is it
34:35I don't think it's a people pleaser
34:37I just don't want to hurt people
34:38Right
34:38That's a people pleaser
34:39And people pleasers are lovely lovely people
34:43I used to be one
34:44Not anymore
34:45She goes no you're right bitch now
34:49Whoa
34:50Suck the fart out of that one eh Dubs
34:52Yes
34:53Yes
34:55That is the truth
34:57That is the truth
34:59Finally someone speak the truth
35:00I hope I end up like you at the end of this
35:02She might be a Nolan sister but she's the daddy now
35:15Yeah
35:15Yeah
35:16Yeah
35:16Yeah
35:19Welcome back to Celebs Go Dating
35:21Where fart fan Johnny's anxiously waiting
35:23To see if Gabby's given him a taste of his own medicine
35:26And done a runner
35:28She's here man
35:30Do you know what I thought you'd done then in my last?
35:32I thought you'd fucking backdozed me
35:36No I'm sorry
35:37No I'm sorry
35:38Sorry
35:39Sorted?
35:39Yeah
35:40She's a lot lighter on her feet now
35:42What would be your ideal first date?
35:44Where would you want to take me?
35:45Erm
35:45I doubt she knows many tackle and bait shops
35:47Or second date or third
35:49In fact fuck that we were going on a third date my last
35:51We were going
35:51He's not letting her off the hook here is he?
35:54Should have expected that from an angler
35:55I just love a nice restaurant with a good wine
35:58Although I like a good steak
36:00Do you?
36:01How do you have it?
36:02Medium
36:03Not too much blood
36:04No
36:05No
36:05I don't like it dripping man
36:07No
36:08Same
36:09Medium rare
36:09It makes everything else go soggy around it
36:11That's true
36:12Do you know what I mean?
36:13Yeah
36:13Just a bit pink
36:14I'm not bothered about things going soggy
36:16Unless
36:18This guy is something else
36:22Here's your beer
36:23Here I'll take that by mate
36:24Are you sure?
36:25Do you want to go halves?
36:26No you're right
36:27I'll take that
36:28He don't do anything by halves this guy
36:29100% commitment to every thought that ever enters his head
36:33Thank you
36:34Oh
36:34That's very kind of you
36:35Oh
36:36This is probably a date that I'm going to remember for the rest of my fucking life
36:40Oh that's sweet
36:41So
36:41So will we my lad
36:43So will we
36:44Thank you so much for dinner
36:46We'll definitely be in touch
36:48You'll be in touch will ya?
36:49Aren't you forgetting something?
36:51Fish
36:51Don't forget your fish
36:52Don't forget your fish
36:53Don't forget your fish
36:54Little Johnny
36:55Big Johnny
36:55Come on then
36:56Little Johnny
36:57It was a first date like I've not had before
37:00Moving forward I don't know whether I would pursue him romantically
37:05Thank you for tonight
37:06I had so much fun
37:07Oh
37:08Absolutely amazing my lass
37:09And next time I am coming home with her
37:13You wish
37:14She's a proper fit little thing she is man
37:16She took me by surprise
37:18I feel like
37:19Something out of a fucking movie man
37:21And I spent a lot of money on a good old outfit to impress her
37:24So it wants to be worth fitting and doesn't it
37:27So
37:27But yeah I'd go on a second date with her
37:29Who's gonna tell him
37:30Hats off to him
37:31I think he will be perfect for somebody that
37:35I can't even say I was gonna say
37:36That likes farts being sucked out their arse
37:40But he also said he'd suck a fart out of my arse
37:43Which I mean I think is a compliment
37:46Never heard that one before but I'll take it
37:49That's how it starts Gabs
37:50Then before you know it you're the pig in the middle of a human centipede
37:53Worst second date ever
37:57Just across the way Lucinda was pretty gassed to meet up with Neil
38:00But he's yet to really let rip in the banter department
38:03Come on buddy
38:04Right Axe you've got this
38:06Two teams
38:07Yeah
38:07Cheers
38:09Thanks for being here
38:10Pleasure
38:11Pleasure's mine
38:11So tell me a little bit more about you and you know your family
38:15Or what I don't know what else are you passionate about
38:18Um so
38:19Alright Neil here's your chance at music tantric sex
38:22Yeah um
38:24Golf is my passion I guess
38:26Oh Neil
38:27I'm looking for that passion and spark
38:30I mean I love that he loves what he does but
38:33Yeah maybe not quite me
38:36What do you look for in a moment?
38:39I think um
38:40A good grip that's soft on the shaft
38:42Chemistry
38:44And
38:45And passion
38:46Bingo that's more like it Neil
38:48How about yourself?
38:49Yeah I suppose just a reciprocal enjoyment of each other
38:55Good banter
38:56Yeah
38:56I think we've got that
38:57We've got that
38:58I think we've definitely
38:59Early days
39:00Early days
39:01No I'm enjoying you immensely
39:03Yeah
39:03Did you want to try any ceviche in?
39:05Yeah let's go with that
39:06Oh sharing food nice
39:07I might have to get a bit closer
39:09Okay
39:10Oh bit of body language go on Neil
39:12So what do you want me to feed you?
39:14Yes please
39:14Okay
39:15Much better yes
39:17It's like they've both just remembered how to flirt
39:21That's good
39:22Nice
39:24I'm enjoying being quite close to Neil
39:27This is a bit more me
39:28This is good feeling the energy
39:30And just being in this little container
39:32I can get my flirt on now
39:33How did you go with your server drink?
39:36Yeah
39:37That went down very well
39:38You didn't leak all the signs
39:40No
39:40Can I?
39:41Go for it
39:42Alright I just really want to leak your bags
39:46Wow who had first date rimming on their bingo card
39:49I was all in on the Gabby date for that one
39:52Gimme, gimme, gimme more
39:54Back at the agency
39:55People pleaser Colleen is looking to rediscover her dating mojo
39:59With the help of Paul and that right bitch Anna
40:02Her words not mine
40:03If you were to break down the areas that you believe we can most help you
40:06What would those areas be?
40:08I think me mainly
40:10I think I'm the problem
40:14I don't know why
40:16I've kind of been through a lot relationship wise
40:18You know I've had two marriages and I've had relationships since then
40:21And I think I want something and then I get it and then I think oh
40:25And I almost back away from it and think no I don't want it
40:28I don't want that
40:29So in the last few months I've kind of sat there and thought I don't know what I want
40:34That's very honest
40:35Very honest
40:36And also for me going out feels like work
40:38The last couple of years all my kids have moved
40:40So you go through the empty nest
40:42And for a while it was bliss
40:44I'm not gonna lie I thought wow you know
40:47And now they're all very settled and they've all got kids
40:50And you know I see them every day really
40:52But then they all go home you know
40:54And I think I said at the dinner party
40:56This was my first Christmas putting decorations up on my own
40:58To the point where I hated it
41:00I didn't even feel Christmassy
41:02And then it hit me where I thought I don't know if I'm ready to just
41:07Be on my own
41:09I really appreciate and commend Colleen's honesty
41:12She is really brave to share this with us
41:15Empty nest syndrome is actually really common
41:17And I reckon there are a lot of people who can relate to this
41:21Going back to the dinner party
41:23It's interesting there was one word that you said that stood out above all of the other words
41:28That every other celebrity said
41:29And that is when you were talking about the Christmas tree
41:33And you called it pathetic that you were doing it
41:38And there was a lot of hurt behind that word
41:41That you would call yourself that
41:44In a moment that for many would be beautiful
41:47But you thought that was pathetic
41:49That was me feeling lonely on my own
41:51That was sad to hear
41:53Yeah
41:53And what I realized
41:56And today really cemented it
41:57Is that you do what many people do
42:01And that is you negative self-talk
42:05You place contempt upon yourself
42:08Which is disrespect
42:11It saddens me
42:12You're a beautiful, beautiful woman
42:14And you're so down on yourself
42:17Until that changes
42:18It's going to be really difficult
42:20To find you
42:21Someone deserving of everything that you have
42:25Because to Paul's point
42:26We need to discover all of that
42:28Yeah
42:28And help you stand on that
42:30Stand on your own pedestal
42:32And instead of feeling pathetic putting up a Christmas tree
42:35Feeling goddamn titty tassels
42:37Swinging on the flipping Christmas tree fairy
42:39Going I'm a boss bitch Colleen Nolan
42:41That's where we need to get you to
42:44Nice to know I'm not the only one
42:45Who wears titty tassels
42:46When I put the Christmas tree up
42:47I'm so goddamn pleased that you've come to us
42:50I am
42:50Colleen you've got a bloody amazing future ahead of you
42:53If you choose to believe it
42:54Yeah
42:55Thank you so much for coming in
42:57Thank you
42:58And most importantly
42:59Thank you for calling Anna a bitch
43:01Oh absolutely
43:02Yeah that's
43:02Thank you
43:03Colleen
43:03Can I just say
43:05If there's anybody
43:06Who I would love to be their bitch
43:08It's you
43:08Honestly
43:09Feel my bitch
43:11I'm Colleen
43:12I'm Colleen Nolan's bitch
43:12I'm gonna channel her all the way through this
43:15See
43:15Now that is an honour
43:17Well Colleen
43:17We've loved this session
43:19I have too
43:21Thank you so much
43:22Bring it in
43:28I think she's a lovely lady
43:29Oh my goodness
43:30I think there's a lot we can do with her
43:32We're blessed to have her here
43:33This is going to be
43:34One hell of a journey
43:36That she goes on
43:37It's going to be one hell of a journey home now
43:39She's packing up the people pleasing
43:40Hi Colleen
43:41Can I get a selfie?
43:42Fuck off
43:48Two people who seem a lot more pleased by one another
43:51Than they did at the start of their day
43:52Are Rimlick Lucinda
43:54And her bit of sherbet neil
43:55Good hanging out with you
43:56It's been a pleasure
43:58The British fellas are so lovely
44:02Good
44:02Your mum has arranged you well
44:03Oh thank you so much
44:05I really appreciate that
44:06Hello
44:06We're at the comfortable silence talk with your eye stage
44:09It's a far cry from the talking shite
44:11Trying to fill the gap stage we had earlier
44:13Oh I like beach hut
44:15Grow up
44:16Alright
44:18We're out of here
44:20Wasn't Neil lovely
44:22Like I can't fault him as a human
44:24He was so lovely
44:26But I think I need a little bit more challenge
44:29And banter
44:30Probably need a bit more
44:32Ba-boom-boom
44:33You know
44:34Not sure I do
44:35But never mind
44:36It was a valiant effort Neil
44:38You are beautiful
44:39Aw thank you
44:41That's so sweet
44:43Do you mind I have to kiss you?
44:44Woah hang about
44:46Go on Neil
44:47Look at that
44:49Come now
44:50Do this just for me
44:51Only one
44:54Give me love
44:55Give me love
44:55Give me love
44:56Give me love baby
44:56That was great
45:00I really enjoyed that
45:01She's very open
45:03She's intelligent
45:03And a kiss as well
45:05Woo
45:07Neil you dark horse
45:08Where the fuck did that come from?
45:10I've been sorry for poor Neil
45:12Because I taste so much like ceviche and margarita
45:16That I can only taste myself
45:18And I don't think that's prime condition for kissing
45:23I just went to the bathroom and just explode
45:26We've all been there
45:27Just laughing at my life
45:29Ridiculous
45:29But thoroughly entertaining
45:31Now you're done
45:32Because you're not the only one who needs to explode in the toilet
45:35Still an instant cough in the arse is screaming
45:38See ya
45:40Tomorrow night
45:41Hello
45:43There's emotion
45:44It's kind of embarrassing
45:45What's embarrassing?
45:49Interrogation
45:50Was there an affair?
45:53Impersonation
45:54It's been bloody lovely to be here with you today
45:58Urination
45:58There was literally a dog doing a wee upper tree behind you sorry
46:01Erm, yeah
46:02And integration
46:04At the first mixer of the series
46:06You've got the gays here
46:07You've got the gays here
46:08Okay, sorry everyone
46:09As our celebs
46:10Where do we even start?
46:12Go!
46:13I can flex my chest
46:14I need to lie down now
46:16Dating
46:17This is hell
46:19You're welcome Gabby
46:30It's me
46:31We are all I own
46:32But it's all beautiful
46:41You and I
46:43Yes
46:43I am
46:45I am
46:45I love you
46:46I am
46:48I am
46:48I am
46:49I am
46:49I am
46:49I am