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00:00Previously on Desperate Housewives...
00:03Bree's husband felt rejected.
00:05I think it's strange to see my wife billed as Mrs. Vandekamp.
00:08It's how I'm known.
00:09Is there a Mr. Vandekamp?
00:11No, Mr. Vandekamp is deceased.
00:13Would it have killed you to have mentioned me?
00:15It's because I went to jail, isn't it?
00:17Lynette's husband was excited.
00:19We're gonna start a garage band!
00:21I thought you were the one who said you want to spend more time with your family.
00:24Guys need to blow off steam.
00:26Edie's new husband had a past.
00:28You've been here six weeks and you don't seem any closer to coming to terms with your rage.
00:32I've come to terms with it and I like it just the way it is.
00:35Which remained a mystery.
00:37I just think it's odd that you're married to some guy and you don't know anything about him.
00:40She kept asking me all this stuff about your background.
00:43And Susan tried to move on.
00:45Well, I sort of started seeing someone.
00:47Good for you.
00:48Every year, Ms. Eleonora Butters would ask her kindergarten class to draw a picture of their families.
01:03Which she would then display on Meet the Teacher night.
01:07That's how Ty Richman's parents saw his depiction of their fighting.
01:14And Amy Hines' parents saw her portrayal of their drinking.
01:20And Jason Monty's parents saw his illustration of their hygiene.
01:26You see, Ms. Butters felt it was important for parents to see themselves through their children's eyes.
01:36She knew the experience.
01:39Eddie's got me vacuuming in my bra.
01:41Do I do that?
01:43Could be very educational.
01:46I know, I know.
01:49Did I not say, Seven?
01:50You missed their little show.
01:51MJ was tooth decay.
01:53Well, Crosstown traffic killed me.
01:55And I told you to videotape it.
01:56Will, did you tell me to take off the lens cap?
01:58Next time, be more specific.
02:00Mr. Delfino, glad you made it.
02:02Uh, did you get to see MJ's artwork?
02:05No, not yet.
02:06Can't wait.
02:07Oh, hey, look at that.
02:09There we are, standing in front of the house.
02:11Look what he did with my hair.
02:13I kind of like the bangs.
02:14Yeah, look, you put a wrench in my pocket.
02:16I didn't see how big my muscles are.
02:17Which is a good thing, because there's a shark attacking the house.
02:24Hey, Daddy.
02:25Hey, buddy.
02:26Your mommy and I were just looking at your wonderful painting.
02:28You like it?
02:29Yeah, I love it.
02:30Especially how big and strong you made me look.
02:32That's not you, that's Jackson.
02:34See the paintbrush in his pocket?
02:36Oh, who's Jackson?
02:41He paints our house.
02:44Until my mommy can drink wine and have a sleepover.
02:47Uh, because Mike and I are divorced, so that's why...
02:55It was supposed to be a picture of the family, so you should have put your daddy in it.
03:01What?
03:02I did.
03:03Oh, the bug with the little hat?
03:04That's you, because you're always so far away.
03:06Oh, yeah, that's, um...
03:07Now I see me.
03:22Yes.
03:23Every year, Ms. Eleonora Butters would ask her class to draw a picture of their families.
03:30Even though she knew the portraits.
03:33Might not be that flattering.
03:36If you look closely into the faces of your friends, you'll see it.
03:57Hey!
03:58Congratulations!
03:59Come on in!
04:00Right behind their smiles, you will see a certain green-eyed monster.
04:05And then you'll understand how envious they are of your well-kept home, your delicious recipes, and your tasteful possessions.
04:20Here's my cookbook!
04:22But you'll have to work hard to see the jealousy.
04:27Because good friends always work hard to hide it.
04:31Look at you, right on the cover!
04:37These are advanced copies.
04:39I wanted you to be the first to have them.
04:41Oh, and look, you signed it.
04:43To Lynette, the sweetest, most wonderful friend I've ever known.
04:46Aww.
04:47To Susan, the sweetest, most...
04:49We don't have to read them out loud.
04:52Don't mind me, ladies.
04:53I'm just grabbing a kiss on my way to the salt mines.
04:56Mmm, you have a good day.
04:57Thanks, babe.
04:58Oh, did you show them the ad?
04:59Oh, I almost forgot.
05:00Um, bye.
05:01Isn't this nice?
05:03They're running it next month in Women's Day.
05:05You're gonna be in magazines, too?
05:08They've come up with this whole marketing plan.
05:11Radio, print, book signings.
05:13Wow.
05:14Isn't it fantastic?
05:15No, it's horrible.
05:16She's gonna become this famous author and have no time at all for us.
05:19Oh, come on, Gabby.
05:20You know that Brave will never change.
05:22Thank you, Catherine.
05:23I will never become stuck up and full of myself.
05:25You didn't say that.
05:26I said you'd never change.
05:29Very funny.
05:30I hardly think you have to worry about me becoming famous.
05:33You have a marketing plan.
05:34You want to see my marketing plan?
05:38Milk, bread, vodka, condoms.
05:43Could I see that?
05:44I'd love to read it.
05:45Why?
05:46Well, back before I consecrated my life to mozzarella,
05:49marketing was sort of what I did.
05:51Oh, right.
05:52Of course.
05:53I would, uh, love to hear your thoughts.
05:56So you're still gonna want to hang out with us,
05:57even when you're totally fabulous and we're still nobodies.
06:00Girls, you are making way too much of this.
06:03I am not a bit more fabulous than any one of you.
06:07Excuse me.
06:09What is it, Andrew?
06:10I hope you're free for lunch on the 12th,
06:12cause the Chamber of Commerce just named you Businesswoman of the Year.
06:16Oh, my God!
06:17That is so amazing!
06:21The, uh, dry cleaner.
06:26Just, um, found my sweater.
06:40Hi.
06:41Orson, I have amazing news.
06:42The Chamber of Commerce just called.
06:44Oh, what about?
06:45I want to buy you lunch and tell you in person I will be at your office in two minutes.
06:49Uh, no.
06:50No.
06:51Uh, don't come to my office.
06:52You know, I can't have lunch now.
06:54Um, I'm in a meeting.
06:55Well, I'll wait in reception until it's over.
06:57No, it'll take hours.
06:59It'll take hours.
07:00It's very urgent, uh, high-level stuff.
07:08What kind of meeting is it?
07:10George!
07:11Hey!
07:12Turn that radio down!
07:14Where are you?
07:15I told you I'm in a meeting.
07:17I gotta go.
07:18I'll see you soon.
07:19Yes, you will.
07:20Mike!
07:21What's going on?
07:22Daddy, you got me a bike.
07:23Yes, I see.
07:24And your mommy thought we'd agreed to wait until your birthday.
07:28Crazy mommy.
07:29Can you teach me to hide it?
07:30No, not today.
07:31I gotta go install a water heater.
07:32But, uh, you keep practicing, and the next afternoon I have free, we'll bust off those
07:37training wheels and go kick up some dirt.
07:38Okay?
07:39Okay.
07:40Okay.
07:41Okay.
07:42Okay.
07:43Okay.
07:44Okay.
07:45Okay.
07:46Okay.
07:47Okay.
07:48Okay.
07:49Okay.
07:50Okay.
07:51Okay.
07:52Okay.
07:53Okay.
07:54All right.
07:55Oh, my God.
07:57This is about MJ's drawing, isn't it?
08:00What?
08:01He does not love Jackson more than you.
08:03He knows who his father is.
08:05I know that.
08:06Can a guy get his kid a bike without being psychoanalyzed?
08:09So you're totally fine with that drawing?
08:12Well, I won't go stick it in all my fridge any time soon, but yeah.
08:16Look, I'm glad you're dating a nice guy.
08:19I'm glad he likes my kid, and my kid likes him.
08:21Here's a bike.
08:22That's all it is.
08:24Hey, guys.
08:26Jackson!
08:27Look at my new bike!
08:30Pretty cool.
08:32Uh, that's a custom titanium frame.
08:37Make sure MJ knows that.
08:40Good luck.
08:41Hey, guys.
08:42So, Wendy, I got to know about the weather.
08:45Mommy, can Bethany go home now?
08:47Honey, she's only been here 20 minutes.
08:49We invited her over to play, so go play.
08:51But all she does is spin.
08:57Honey, we want Bethany to be our friend, so if she wants to spin, just suck it up and spin.
09:03why are you shoving that little weirdo down Juanita's throat that little weirdo is the key
09:11to you and I having more sex I know I should ask a few questions but I'm in
09:17Bethany's mom hosts a weekly play date I'm trying to get Juanita an invitation
09:21how does that lead to quality time with your boobs Carlos the only time you and I have to
09:27ourselves is late at night but by that time we're too exhausted and now that we have Celia
09:32an afternoon preschool all we have to do is unload Juanita and then we can get back to doing the
09:37nasty this doesn't seem right dumping our kid off on some unsuspecting woman so that we can have sex
09:44wake up play dates were invented by mothers for this exact purpose shopping sex drinking in the
09:51afternoon play dates make all these things possible I don't know I feel bad making my kid play with
09:57someone that she obviously doesn't like Bethany's mom will take Juanita once a week for two whole
10:03hours that is sex and a nap Juanita I don't hear you spinning I don't understand you said the job was
10:14going so well it was and three weeks ago my parole officer left me a message at work that's when I
10:21found out I lied on my application when I said I didn't have a criminal record so you've been
10:26pretending to go to work for three weeks I know you're angry honey I'm not angry I'm hurt that you
10:36didn't feel like you could tell me I was embarrassed great when we married I was the breadwinner now you
10:44you have your company and you have your book I'm a felon who can't hold on to a job orson we're
10:50partners we share everything any success I have is just as much yours as it is mine
10:56thank you darling
11:00so why did the chamber of commerce call
11:06apparently we've been named businesswoman of the year
11:11you'd be killer in our band I mean wouldn't you be killer Dave uh Donald why don't you let us talk it
11:40over and we'll get back to you no problem I have to get back to the office anyway quarterly tax time
11:44it's got me swamped well we'll definitely call you today thanks gentlemen
11:48oh don't you think he crushed it he was good technically he didn't really have heart
11:58what do you mean when he played voodoo child it was like Hendrix had risen
12:02hey what about Mike I thought that's who we were gonna get
12:06well I asked but he said he's too busy too busy to live a little
12:10not gonna fly call him give him my number I'll talk to him
12:13okay sure but but what about Donald I mean
12:16because if we don't get Mike I want to make Tom Donald's out
12:18all right
12:19have Mike call me
12:23woo
12:35what a rehearsal
12:38I mean Dave and I were smoking
12:41do you hear us
12:43Lynette
12:44Lynette
12:48I'm sorry what
12:50never mind
12:52what are you working on
12:54what is this Bree's ad stuff
12:56oh god no her agency really whiffed so I'm coming up with a whole new campaign
13:00I was looking through my old portfolio for inspiration
13:03oh I remember this one
13:05feet meet your new best friends
13:07it's a classic
13:08you know it's been years since I looked through this stuff I'd forgotten I was
13:13kind of great
13:14you were awesome I mean come on how lucky is Bree to have a neighbor used to be a big advertising hot shot
13:20well maybe I'm the lucky one this could be a perfect way for me to stick my toe back in the business
13:26nothing big maybe just pick up some freelance work
13:31honey if you do that where are you gonna find the time for the family in the restaurant
13:35well gee I don't know I guess the same place that you find time for your garage band
13:40Lynette I'm just saying that if you
13:43okay
13:51I dropped off Celia at preschool and Juanita's at her play date
13:54dropped her out
13:55why don't you put on that sexy red teddy
13:58can I ask why I mean you can't see it
14:01yeah but I can feel it and I love the sensation of sliding silk off your body
14:05oh
14:08what's it like Carlos
14:12what
14:14sex is a blind man
14:16I mean used to be so visual
14:19is it still as good
14:21it's better
14:22I mean having to rely on your senses of touch and taste and smell
14:26it's actually way more intense
14:27really
14:29oh you're so lucky
14:31wait you want blind sex
14:33I think I can arrange that
14:36hey there
14:41looks like somebody's job interview went well
14:47nope
14:47they turned me down flat
14:48oh
14:49but as I was driving home it suddenly hit me
14:51I may be persona non grata at every company in this town
14:55but there's at least one employer I know who would love to hire me
14:58oh
14:58who
14:59you
15:02you want to work here
15:05why not
15:07I'm great with food
15:09I understand business
15:11I can't beat the commute
15:12well that's certainly an intriguing notion
15:16but wouldn't it be awkward having me as your boss
15:19absolutely
15:20but as you said in the park
15:22we share everything
15:24so I would be more of a partner
15:26partners
15:28oh
15:28well
15:29Brie
15:29would you
15:30give me a hand with this arrangement
15:32just give me a second
15:34I think the
15:37lilies need their own vase
15:39you hire him
15:40I will cut you with these scissors
15:41I don't think we need to do that
15:44I think they're crowding the irises out
15:46just like he's trying to crowd me out
15:49you already have a partner
15:50remember
15:50oh well I think the irises and the lilies could work together
15:55nope
15:55one of them has to go
15:57if I may offer an opinion
15:59not a good time
16:00Orson
16:01tell him now
16:04or I will walk
16:05Orson
16:09you really don't want to work with me
16:11I mean you only see me at home
16:12but at work when the pressure's on
16:13I can be a bit of a handful
16:15Catherine's seen how I get
16:16oh yes
16:17bitchy
16:18tyrannical
16:19shrill
16:19he gets it
16:20dear
16:21honey you're my partner in life
16:26but if we want to keep it that way
16:28we shouldn't mix marriage and business
16:30but no one else will hire me
16:32well you've only been looking for a few weeks
16:35I mean give it another
16:35say month or two
16:37and if you still haven't found anything
16:39then we'll revisit the idea
16:41okay
16:42okay
16:45it was just a thought
16:47come on
16:48oh
16:55oh so what'd you think
16:58oh my god you were right
17:00blind sex is incredible
17:02give me ten more minutes in an energy bar
17:05and we can go one more time
17:06no I think we're done
17:15honey
17:20what are you doing home
17:22I thought you were Bethany's
17:23you gotta tell me it
17:24her mom brought me back
17:25oh
17:26well how long have you been standing there
17:29I don't know
17:30what were you two doing
17:32um we were uh
17:35we were wrestling
17:35wrestling
17:37did daddy hurt you
17:39you were making loud noises
17:41no
17:42no that wasn't real
17:44sometimes I fake it
17:45when I wrestle with daddy
17:46please don't wrestle with mommy
17:50you're too big
17:52you could hurt her
17:53yeah Carlo
17:54stop that
17:55okay
17:56go to your room
17:57and I'm gonna bring you something
17:58for your tummy
17:59I think she bought it
18:04you mean the story of how daddy beats up mommy
18:07relax
18:07I told her I was fine
18:09look I could hear the worry in her voice
18:10why don't we just tell her the truth
18:12what that sometimes
18:13mommy rides daddy like a mechanical bull
18:15to get jewelry
18:16she's five
18:17she's too young to understand
18:18either half of that
18:19it's the facts of life
18:20she's gonna learn them eventually
18:21and it's the most natural thing in the world
18:23Carlos if she was standing there
18:25any longer than five minutes
18:27there was nothing natural about what she saw
18:29by the way
18:31thank you for that
18:32hello
18:39hey it's me
18:40listen
18:41I've got some free time
18:42so I thought I'd come over
18:44and teach MJ how to ride his new bike
18:45great
18:46he's so excited to learn
18:47are you sure he's ready to go
18:50without training wheels
18:51no he'll probably have to take a few spills
18:53but luckily he'll have his old man there to pick him up
18:55yeah he's been asking when you're coming
18:58I can't wait to tell him
18:59I know he'll be just
19:01what's the matter
19:05spider
19:06big one
19:07gotta go
19:08mom you lost no training wheels
19:14I know
19:14you did great
19:16Jackson can I see you a sec
19:17that was amazing
19:19he learned so fast
19:21yeah and you know what I learned
19:22Mike is on his way over here
19:23to teach his son
19:24how to ride the bike he bought
19:26something he was looking forward to
19:27until you ruined it
19:29why didn't you tell me that
19:30I didn't know I had to tell you
19:31not to steal a father's precious moment
19:33MJ he just kept asking me
19:35he made me do it
19:36you could have walked away
19:37I couldn't
19:38he said please
19:40damn it
19:42as you can see the graphic works just as well
19:46on a freestanding display unit
19:48neat huh
19:49goodness Lynette
19:51when you offered to share your thoughts on my campaign
19:53I wasn't expecting anything quite so
19:55elaborate
19:56well who knew your marketing guys were such lame-os
19:59what they came up with is so
20:01tepid
20:03um I think understated
20:06was what they were going for
20:07well they overshot and wound up
20:10and bland right on the border
20:11a sucky
20:12you need to grab your audience
20:14just grab them
20:15I've gone for jazzier colors
20:17bolder fonts
20:18oh I have really played up
20:20the whole nostalgia angle
20:21let mrs. van de camp turn your oven
20:25into a time machine
20:26I see women really responding to that
20:29do you
20:31because I see children crawling into ovens
20:36hoping to see dinosaurs
20:37oh
20:39okay
20:40well
20:40I've got a whole bunch of alternatives
20:43oh Lynette
20:43I appreciate everything you've done
20:45but I've actually approved the old campaign
20:47and
20:47I can't just tell them I've changed my mind
20:49you don't have to
20:51I'll be the bad guy
20:52just tell them you've hired me
20:53and I'll go in there
20:54six guns a-blazing
20:55pew pew pew
20:56so
20:57do we have a deal?
20:59just give me the word
21:00no
21:02no?
21:04sorry
21:05but
21:05I prefer their campaign
21:07but mine is better
21:09well
21:09you're
21:10entitled to think so
21:11but
21:12I don't
21:13look
21:14Bree
21:15I think I know a little more about marketing
21:18than you do
21:19when I was in it
21:20I owned this town
21:21I had every big account
21:23hell
21:24I was even named
21:25business woman of the year
21:27oh
21:27well I'm familiar with that award
21:29in fact
21:30I'm this year's recipient
21:32really?
21:34yes
21:35there's a luncheon on the 12th
21:36I do hope you can make it
21:38by the way
21:41you're right about those colors
21:43very
21:44jazzy
21:45come on MJ
21:54your daddy's waiting
21:55mommy
22:02I don't wanna fall
22:04oh
22:05honey
22:06you know how you like to push the button
22:08when we go on the elevator
22:09and if somebody else pushes it first
22:11it makes you sad
22:12but I don't wanna fall
22:14just listen
22:15daddy
22:15really wanted to be the one
22:17to teach you to ride your bike
22:18and if you can already do it
22:19it's gonna make him sad
22:21so just let daddy push the button
22:23understand?
22:25oh man
22:26wow
22:36wow he's really picking it up fast
22:37yeah
22:38I think it's just beginner's luck
22:40you sure he hasn't been practicing
22:45no
22:46he's absolutely waiting for you
22:47you know
22:48I think I'm gonna go check his helmet
22:49what are you doing?
22:52we talked about this
22:53you're supposed to be new at it
22:55I don't wanna fall
22:56I'm scared
22:56oh of what?
22:58you're three inches off the ground
23:00you're completely padded
23:01so just do what I say
23:03wobble wobble
23:04daddy look at me
23:05crash
23:06boy
23:10he was just telling me
23:12how glad he is
23:13to have his dad here
23:14really?
23:16no one's feeling like
23:17he doesn't even need me
23:17oh
23:18that's just silly
23:19oh
23:35whoops
23:36to daisy
23:36oh it's a good thing
23:38your dad's here
23:38to teach you how to do it right
23:39oh
23:40looking good buddy
23:41but remember
23:41when you stop
23:42you gotta put your foot down first
23:44okay?
23:45ow
23:46does that hurt right there buddy?
23:47oh he's fine
23:48no mommy
23:50it hurts
23:51this is all my fault
23:59will you stop?
24:01the doctor said
24:01it was just a sprain
24:02I know
24:03but still
24:03I shouldn't have pushed it
24:04you know
24:05why look for blame
24:06kids fall
24:07if you have to find fault
24:09blame the pavement
24:10not yourself
24:11or me
24:12mommy
24:15he should have his pitching arm back in no time
24:19oh thank you
24:20oh thank you
24:20but I did want to ask
24:22MJ said that he fell on purpose
24:24something about you telling him to let daddy push the elevator button
24:27you told him to fall?
24:32remember it's the pavement you're mad at
24:35what the hell Susan?
24:37why would you do something like that?
24:39Jackson taught him to ride the bike
24:41Jackson?
24:43who's Jackson?
24:45he does sleepovers with mommy
24:47they drink lots of wine
24:49hey doc
24:51don't you hand out lollipops
24:53to brave little boys?
24:58I'm sorry
24:59MJ was excited about the bike
25:01so Jackson took off the training wheels
25:03and taught him
25:04he didn't know
25:05he didn't know
25:06I'd want to be the one
25:06to teach my own kid
25:07how to ride a bike
25:08okay you know what
25:09this is not Jackson's fault
25:13you can't give a five year old a bike
25:15and expect him to wait to ride it
25:16until you have time
25:18you know this is what it means to be divorced
25:23it means that sometimes
25:25you won't be there
25:26I know
25:28it's
25:29it's just harder
25:35than I thought it would be
25:36well it's hard for me too
25:40I miss things when he's with you
25:43and I
25:45am trying to come to terms with my guilt
25:48because
25:49I have to
25:53so do you
25:55there's nothing else you can do
26:06has Mike called?
26:12hi honey
26:12you're home
26:13sorry hon
26:16hi
26:18so did he call?
26:21no
26:22hey
26:24listen to this
26:25Mrs Hudson's putting her house up for sale
26:27I think we should buy it
26:28why?
26:31as an investment
26:33I mean it's fantastic
26:34my friend Mary Alice blew her brains out in this house
26:37and all I'd have to do is let that slip
26:39and we'd get her for a song
26:40yeah
26:41I don't think so
26:43well why not
26:44we'll rent it out
26:45we could make some serious money
26:46last thing I want to be is a landlord
26:49get a phone call
26:50every time a toilet overflows
26:51that's why we hire a management company
26:54damn it Edie
26:54I said no
26:55why are you yelling at me?
27:07I don't know
27:08I'm sorry
27:11I just got a lot of money
27:12I'm sorry
27:16I don't know
27:46hi Bethany
27:51I'm here to pick up Juanita
27:52is she around?
27:54boys have sperm
27:55excuse me?
27:58we need to talk
28:00so apparently after we had a little chat with Juanita
28:07she went straight to Bethany
28:08and passed on the facts of life
28:09in excruciating detail
28:11did you explain to Peggy why we had the little chat?
28:13she didn't want to hear it
28:14not with Bethany running around the house
28:16screaming intercourse
28:17at the top of her lungs
28:18so we're out of the play date
28:21oh yeah
28:22way out
28:23well I guess it's back to the old schedule
28:28of ten minutes of grope and snore at midnight
28:30I'm not going back Carlos
28:31I can't
28:32if Juanita doesn't get her play date
28:33you're not getting yours
28:34fine I will fix it
28:36I just
28:37don't know why Peggy's making such a big deal out of this
28:40Spack!
28:44Juanita!
28:45stop talking to your sister!
28:51Larson?
28:52what are you doing in the guest bedroom?
28:53I couldn't sleep
28:54you were snoring too loudly
28:56me?
28:58snoring?
28:59hmm
29:00like a donkey with a head cold
29:02honey
29:03I don't snore
29:04you can't always hear yourself
29:06but I hear you
29:07loud and clear
29:09oh for heaven's sakes
29:13come back to bed
29:14you know
29:16I'm good here
29:19hey Mike
29:29Dave Williams
29:30look
29:31hate to bother you
29:32but I got a busted pipe
29:33outside the house
29:34probably some kids
29:35playing a prank
29:36no problem
29:37I'm across town
29:37finishing up on another job
29:38so depending on traffic
29:40give me say an hour
29:41oh thanks
29:41I really appreciate it
29:43so when Juanita thought
29:59that I might be hurting her mother
30:00we decided it was best
30:02that she knew the truth
30:03it just seemed like
30:04the right thing to do
30:05at the time
30:06see honey
30:07I knew there had to be
30:09a rational explanation
30:10well
30:11I guess under the circumstances
30:14you didn't have
30:15any other choice
30:16yeah
30:17so
30:19do you think
30:20there's any chance
30:21Juanita could rejoin
30:22your play date
30:22we've talked to her
30:24she will never discuss
30:25sex ever again
30:27not if she wants to see
30:28her favorite dolly alive
30:29Gabby
30:32we don't need to let them
30:33know all of our
30:33parenting secrets
30:34I think that'd be okay
30:37I probably overreacted
30:39we just want to keep
30:40Bethany's innocence
30:41as long as we can
30:42oh we totally agree
30:44kids are forced to grow up
30:45way too fast these days
30:46no kidding
30:47I want my girls to believe
30:48in Santa Claus
30:48as long as possible
30:50they're gonna find out
30:50soon enough
30:51that it's all a lie
30:52what?
30:55there's no Santa Claus?
30:57so
31:05next play date's Monday at 1
31:07wow
31:10whoever did this
31:10really went to town
31:11yeah I know
31:12damn kids
31:14by the way
31:15did you put any more thought
31:16into joining the band?
31:18oh man
31:18I'm sorry
31:18I've been meaning to get back to you
31:20I appreciate the offer
31:20but I'm really stretched down
31:22these days
31:22oh come on
31:24every man's got time
31:25for a little music
31:26believe me
31:26I'd love to play with you guys
31:27but I live 30 minutes away
31:29an hour in traffic
31:30but every time I've got left
31:32it's for my son
31:32yeah I hear you
31:33hey you ever looking to live
31:35in a little closer by?
31:37with the rent prices
31:38in this neighborhood
31:38I might play guitar
31:40like a rock star
31:40but I don't earn like one
31:42yeah
31:43sorry
31:44I wasn't thinking
31:45I'm sorry
31:46appreciate you trying to help
31:48believe me
31:51I wish I could do more
31:53I've never seen Bree so happy
32:01she's glowing
32:01she won't be glowing
32:03when that agency
32:04sinks her book
32:05Lynette
32:06I'm telling you
32:07the only thing staler
32:08than that ad campaign
32:09is this dinner roll
32:10yeah and the water
32:11was as flat
32:11as the ad campaign
32:12your martini was as dry
32:14as the ad campaign
32:14let it go
32:15hi everybody
32:18hi
32:18good time
32:19um this is Stu
32:21Lynette Scavo
32:23I thought that might be you
32:24hey
32:25everyone
32:26this is
32:27my old assistant
32:29Stu
32:29um
32:30Derber
32:31hey
32:32well this was one
32:34great guy
32:34he would
32:36schlep all the way
32:37across town
32:37just to get me
32:38my Chinese food
32:39so
32:40what are you up to?
32:42actually Stu's company
32:44is doing all my
32:45advertising
32:46you're a company
32:51you have a company
32:52it's three years now
32:53how about you?
32:54you still at
32:55Parcher and Murphy
32:56no I
32:57also went into
32:58business for myself
32:59her place makes
33:00the best pizza in town
33:01you own a pizzeria
33:04well it's really
33:04my husband's
33:05and I'm still doing
33:06some freelance stuff
33:07well that's great
33:09you know we're
33:10always working late
33:10give me a card
33:12we'll order from you
33:12some night
33:13you know of course
33:14we're across town
33:15so it may be a bit
33:16of a schlep
33:16it's great catching
33:18off Lynette
33:19Bree let me introduce
33:20you to some people
33:21yeah
33:22great
33:24there's my beautiful
33:39wife
33:40what are you up to?
33:42why?
33:43looking for a reason
33:43to scream at me?
33:44you're right
33:45I was awful
33:46the other day
33:47how about I make it
33:48up to you
33:49by buying you
33:50Mrs. Hudson's house?
33:51seriously?
33:53well I thought about it
33:54and I agree
33:54it's a good investment
33:56opportunity
33:56thank you
33:58thank you
34:01thank you
34:02and
34:04I promise that
34:05we'll rent that place
34:06out for top dollar
34:07oh I'm not worried
34:09about that
34:09but first
34:11I want to do
34:12someone a favor
34:13hi
34:20where are you?
34:21it's after two
34:22I'm getting ready
34:23for my job interview
34:24oh that's not
34:25until four o'clock
34:26I'm reading the company's
34:28annual reports
34:29I want to be prepared
34:29oh honey
34:31everybody's asking
34:32about you
34:33I want you to be here
34:35it's my big day
34:36well
34:37enjoy it
34:39you've earned it
34:41oh
34:52you know what this
34:53tastes like
34:54more
34:54it seems
34:57somebody's taking
34:58their designated
34:58driver position
34:59in the lightning
35:00stew
35:02stew
35:04is doing
35:04Bree's ad campaign
35:06I rode in his
35:08hatchback once
35:09it smelled like
35:10mushy
35:11I got a warner
35:13oh wait
35:13no honey
35:14why don't you
35:14wait till after
35:14the ceremony
35:15yeah just until
35:16you can blink
35:17both eyes
35:17at the same time
35:18guys I'm just
35:19gonna offer her
35:20a little advice
35:21yeesh
35:23oh
35:24still waiting
35:28the great thing
35:29about the internet
35:29is that with a
35:30minimal investment
35:31you actually can
35:32reach all your
35:33specific target audience
35:34coupons
35:35coupons
35:37do a cross
35:38promotion
35:39with some of
35:40the major
35:40food companies
35:41knock off
35:4220%
35:44on some of
35:45the items
35:45featured
35:46in your
35:47recipes
35:47then
35:48they do the
35:49same towards
35:50the purchase
35:51of your
35:51cookbook
35:52yeah our research
35:54shows you know
35:54people aren't so
35:55hard on
35:55excuse me
35:56Stewie
35:57excuse us
35:59please
35:59Lynette
36:02you're
36:02drunk
36:03that's immaterial
36:05what do you think
36:07of the coupons
36:08I am really
36:09not able to
36:10deal with that
36:10right now
36:11oh
36:12I know
36:13you've got your
36:14book and
36:14your big fancy
36:16award and I'm
36:16just a housewife
36:17I never said
36:19that
36:19you know
36:20when I had
36:21a high powered
36:22career and you
36:23were just a
36:24housewife and
36:25never looked
36:26down on you
36:26if you could
36:27all please
36:28take your seats
36:29it's time to
36:30present our
36:31award
36:31you need to
36:35leave now
36:35fine
36:37don't worry
36:39even though I'd
36:40like to I'm not
36:41gonna make some
36:41big ugly scene
36:42hi
36:58hey I um
37:00bought MJ some
37:01stilts thought I'd
37:02teach him how to
37:03use them
37:03har har
37:04actually he's at
37:05Juanita's watching a
37:06DVD
37:07do you want me to
37:07call him
37:08no
37:08no it's cool
37:09I just wanted to
37:09tell him about my
37:10new place
37:11you're moving
37:13again
37:13how far are you
37:15gonna be away
37:16now
37:16the Hudson
37:20house
37:21yeah she sold
37:22it and Edie
37:23told me the new
37:23owner wants to
37:24rent it
37:24so now I'll
37:25have a fighting
37:26chance of being
37:26around when MJ
37:27hits his
37:28milestones
37:28is this okay
37:32with you
37:32yeah
37:34it's great
37:35we'll be like
37:38one big happy
37:40divorced family
37:41sure
37:43it's a little
37:45weird
37:45but you know
37:47MJ will be
37:48thrilled and
37:49yeah I'm fine
37:51with it
37:52good
37:53so um
37:55I'll see you
37:57around
37:57neighbor
37:58I still think
38:06it's strange
38:06you won't let
38:07me tell Mike
38:07that we're the
38:08new owners
38:08the man's got
38:09a lot of pride
38:10I want him to
38:11feel like I'm
38:11his neighbor
38:12not his
38:12landlord
38:13landlord
38:14hell
38:15with the rent
38:16we're charging
38:16him
38:16you're his
38:17fairy godmother
38:17alright
38:18consider it
38:19an investment
38:19in good karma
38:20screw karma
38:21I finally do
38:23something nice
38:23in this neighborhood
38:24and I can't
38:24even brag
38:25about it
38:25the man who
38:28is silent
38:29in his good
38:29deeds
38:30is the man
38:31who reaps
38:31the greatest
38:32reward
38:33hey
38:41hi
38:43so
38:44give me some
38:46guidance
38:46do I
38:47grovel
38:48send flowers
38:49or
38:49just move
38:51I'm not angry
38:53with you
38:53I'm just
38:54sorry
38:55that you
38:55felt so
38:56drunk
38:56jealous
38:58you have
38:59nothing to
39:00be jealous
39:01of
39:01don't give
39:02me that
39:03you're having
39:05the kind
39:05of success
39:06I only
39:06dreamed of
39:07back in my
39:08ad days
39:08but that doesn't
39:09mean I look
39:09down on you
39:10no
39:11but watching
39:12you I
39:13look down
39:14on me
39:14when I
39:16held your
39:17book in
39:17my hands
39:18I felt
39:20so jealous
39:21my stomach
39:22hurt
39:22and I
39:23thought
39:24if I
39:24could
39:24just
39:25hitch a
39:26ride
39:26have a
39:27piece
39:27of it
39:28I
39:28wouldn't
39:29feel
39:29so bad
39:30about
39:30your
39:31success
39:31for God's
39:32sakes
39:32Lynette
39:32stop
39:33calling me
39:33a success
39:34there's
39:34nothing
39:34successful
39:35about me
39:36my friends
39:41think I'm
39:42going to
39:42drop them
39:43my partner
39:44resents me
39:44and my
39:45husband
39:45has moved
39:50into the
39:50guest bedroom
39:51everything I
39:54gain comes
39:55at some
39:55horrible price
39:57and I'm
39:57starting to
39:58wonder if
39:58any of it's
39:59even worth
40:00it
40:00it is
40:02you're at
40:06the start
40:06of an
40:07incredible
40:07journey
40:08and I
40:09am going
40:09to be
40:09there
40:10every step
40:11of the way
40:11cheering
40:12you on
40:13telling
40:14anyone
40:15who will
40:15listen
40:15that the
40:16Brie
40:17Vanderkamp
40:17is my
40:19friend
40:19thanks
40:21and the
40:23rest of
40:24the stuff
40:24you'll find
40:26a way
40:27to fix
40:27it
40:28just
40:30know
40:30that all
40:31your friends
40:32are very
40:32proud
40:33of you
40:33bitterly
40:37jealous
40:37but proud
40:38if you
40:51look closely
40:52into the
40:52faces of
40:53those around
40:54you
40:54you will
40:55catch a
40:56glimpse
40:56of a
40:57certain
40:57green-eyed
40:58monster
40:58and then
41:04you'll see
41:05they envy
41:06your career
41:07your love
41:14life
41:14the time
41:23you spend
41:24with their
41:24child
41:25how do
41:33you deal
41:34with such
41:35jealousy
41:35there are
41:42many ways
41:43but the
41:46best
41:47is to
41:49simply
41:49share
41:50what
41:51you
41:51have
41:52thank you
41:57promise me
42:04you'll never
42:04leave our bed
42:05again
42:05I promise
42:08partner
42:09you
42:39Transcription by CastingWords
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