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00:00Previously on Desperate Housewives
00:03Hey, Dave. Is that the bathroom?
00:06No, I think that's it there.
00:07Oh, okay. Thanks.
00:09Dave tried to eliminate a witness to murder.
00:13Hey!
00:14But Jackson survived.
00:16I bought MJ a fishing pole.
00:18We're not going to be able to make it this weekend.
00:20I'm kind of getting married.
00:22What? I thought I heard you out here.
00:23Jackson!
00:24Forcing him to change his plans.
00:26I'm a middle-aged guy.
00:28Tom was searching.
00:29And I don't know what I want to do with my life.
00:31We're rich again! Hallelujah!
00:33Gabby's life returned to normal.
00:35We're going to be us again.
00:37The old Carlos and Gabby.
00:39I'm going to make sure that you walk away from this marriage
00:41with your assets intact.
00:42That'll accomplish this.
00:43And Bree agreed to protect what she felt was hers.
00:47I'm capable of doing whatever needs to be done.
00:59The lawyer arrived just after sundown.
01:04He checked to make sure no one was watching.
01:07Then he hurried to the front door where his client was waiting.
01:17As she poured him the scotch he requested,
01:21the client began to wonder exactly how he planned to hide her assets
01:26from the husband she was divorcing.
01:28The lawyer suggested some creative accounting.
01:33His client agreed.
01:37He suggested a secret bank account.
01:41She agreed.
01:43He suggested a second set of books.
01:46She agreed.
01:50And then the lawyer looked deep into his client's eyes
01:55and made one final suggestion
01:58that she was completely unprepared for.
02:03You want me to rob my own house?
02:06Not exactly.
02:06I was thinking we'd hire my friend Tony to do it.
02:09Absolutely not.
02:10I am all up for a little creative accounting
02:12and some secret bank accounts,
02:14but hiring some thug to stage a break-in?
02:17It's a community property state, babe.
02:19Orson's going to get half of everything,
02:20including your jewelry, your artwork, your antiques.
02:23Wouldn't it be easier to just have him killed?
02:25As your lawyer, I can't condone that.
02:27That said, I have a cousin.
02:29I was kidding!
02:30So was I.
02:31Loosen up, freckles.
02:33Well, I just never know with you.
02:34And don't call me freckles.
02:36Look, if you're not comfortable with Tony,
02:38why don't we do the job ourselves?
02:40I bet you look hot in a ski mask.
02:42You are repugnant.
02:44And this conversation is over.
02:45Fine.
02:46But since I'm charging you for the full hour,
02:49let me make it worth your while.
02:50Sit down and close your eyes.
02:52What?
02:52No!
02:53Just humor me.
02:54Come on.
02:59Now I want you to picture Orson after the divorce.
03:02He owns half of your business,
03:05half of your assets.
03:07You see it?
03:08Go on.
03:08Now I want you to picture Orson dating some young bimbo.
03:14And don't kid yourself.
03:16He will get a bimbo.
03:19Now picture your favorite strand of pearls dangling
03:22in the 24-year-old cleavage of said bimbo
03:25while she's using your first edition Robert Frost as a coaster
03:29and your 19th century French crystal vase as an ashtray.
03:34If you can live with that,
03:37I will leave.
03:41And with that,
03:43the client offered a suggestion of her own.
03:46We should probably break a window
03:47to make it look more real.
03:51And the lawyer agreed.
04:05Masks.
04:06You can find them in any home.
04:09Some are used once a year to scare the neighbors.
04:12Some are needed for the occasional chore.
04:21Some are applied every other Thursday.
04:26Then there's the kind of mask some men wear every day.
04:31It's a friendly smile
04:33designed to hide the most wicked of intentions.
04:38Hey, MJ.
04:39Is your mom home?
04:41She's inside talking to Jackson.
04:45Really?
04:47So, what do you think of Jackson?
04:51I like him.
04:52He buys me comic books.
04:54Yeah.
04:55He's a good guy.
04:57He was very brave that night
04:59during that fire at the nightclub.
05:02Does he ever talk about that fire?
05:04Or anybody he saw that night?
05:06Have the police stopped by
05:09to ask him any questions?
05:13If they do,
05:15would you let me know?
05:16Why?
05:17Well,
05:18I want to make sure
05:20they're being nice to our friend Jackson.
05:23Because he's such a good guy.
05:25It is such a stunning piece.
05:35It's simple and elegant.
05:38Don't you think?
05:41I mean, I know it was expensive,
05:42but you can't put a price tag on beauty.
05:45Am I right?
05:46Am I right?
05:46So, when Daddy finds out
05:50how much I spent,
05:52would it be okay
05:52if I used you as a human shield?
05:57You know,
05:57I should really get you tested.
06:01Mom!
06:03Hey!
06:03Did you have a fun play date
06:04with Heather?
06:06She got a canopy bed.
06:07I want one.
06:09We just bought you a bed.
06:10It's not even a year old.
06:11I don't like it anymore.
06:13I want to sleep under a canopy.
06:16Then go move in with Heather
06:17because I'm not getting you one.
06:19Why not?
06:20We're rich!
06:21Who told you that?
06:22I heard you telling Aunt Bree
06:24since Daddy got his new job
06:26we're rolling in money.
06:27Well,
06:28Mommy shouldn't have said that.
06:30Just when Aunt Bree
06:31started bragging about
06:31her new Prada bag,
06:33Mommy kind of lost it.
06:36Whatever.
06:38I want a canopy
06:39and you've got to get me one.
06:41I don't have to get you anything
06:43and stop acting like a spoiled brat.
06:45I am not spending a fortune
06:46on a bed you don't need.
06:48Oh!
06:48You can spend millions of dollars
06:50on a stupid face?
06:52That face is not stupid.
06:54Is that face stupid?
06:59Okay, you know what?
07:00This conversation is over.
07:01Go to your room!
07:04You too, bobblehead.
07:08Okay,
07:09my clothes are in the closet.
07:10I'm going to put my toothbrush
07:12in the bathroom.
07:14Oh, just leave the toilet seat up
07:15and the immigration people
07:16will totally think we're married.
07:19Yeah, I don't know how
07:20I'm going to thank you
07:20for doing this.
07:22Actually,
07:22I did think of one way
07:24you could repay me.
07:26You got it.
07:27Uh, no.
07:28Not like that.
07:29No, I was thinking
07:30that after our quickie
07:32courthouse ceremony
07:33you could buy me
07:35a cake.
07:36I love wedding cake.
07:37It's the one part
07:39of marriage
07:39that never lets you down.
07:40Well, I can do you
07:41better than that.
07:42How about I throw us
07:43a big engagement party?
07:45What?
07:47Well,
07:47we're not having a wedding
07:48and we're going to need
07:49pictures of something
07:50to put in our photo album
07:51as evidence.
07:52Okay.
07:53Yeah, I guess
07:54that could be fun.
07:56While our friends
07:57are toasting
07:57to our everlasting happiness
07:59we can yell
07:59surprise!
08:01It's all a sham!
08:02Thanks for the crockpot!
08:03No, no, no.
08:04We can't tell anybody
08:05this is a fake.
08:05The whole thing
08:06could blow up.
08:07Can I at least
08:08tell the girls?
08:09No way.
08:10I mean,
08:10they don't call her
08:10Gabby for nothing.
08:12Wow.
08:15Ah,
08:16fake marriage
08:17is complicated.
08:19I know I'm asking
08:20a lot, Susan.
08:21No, no.
08:21It's okay.
08:22I want to do this.
08:23Truth is,
08:26I miss you.
08:29And the house
08:30has been kind of lonely
08:31since you left.
08:32I hear you loud and clear.
08:36Not that lonely.
08:37I'm not that lonely.
08:53What are you doing?
08:56Thinking.
08:57Well, think inside.
08:58I made pork chops.
08:59Aren't you going to ask me
09:00about my job interview?
09:02Oh, right.
09:03How'd that go?
09:04Okay.
09:05Until the 30-year-old
09:06who was interviewing me
09:07asked me if I'd ever used
09:08Twittering
09:09as part of a marketing campaign.
09:11And what'd you say?
09:13Nothing.
09:15Because I don't know
09:16what Twittering is.
09:18It's a social networking tool
09:20where you send
09:21instant updates
09:22to anybody
09:22who signs up for them.
09:23So you knew about this
09:26and yet
09:26you kept it from me.
09:30I didn't keep it from you.
09:31It's just one of those
09:32tech things
09:33that you don't care about.
09:34It's for young people.
09:37And I am a dinosaur
09:39marching into the tar pit.
09:41I didn't say that.
09:44You're not going to get
09:45a whole lot of sympathy from me.
09:46I just went through
09:47the same thing, remember?
09:48Yeah, but you didn't tell me
09:49how bad it was.
09:51That's another thing
09:52you kept from me.
09:5350 guys showed up
09:55for that one job
09:56and I was
09:5710 years older
09:59than every single
09:59one of them.
10:01I'd hear them
10:01twittering as I
10:02left the room.
10:04I think you mean
10:04tittering.
10:07Sorry.
10:07Please, don't hit me.
10:08I heard a door slam shut
10:13today, Lynette.
10:14It's official.
10:15My time has passed.
10:17I am no longer relevant.
10:20Oh, for God's sakes,
10:22knock it off.
10:23I am not going to let you
10:24feel sorry for yourself.
10:25You are Tom Scavo, damn it.
10:29And?
10:29Sorry.
10:33I got nothing else.
10:35Come inside and eat your pork.
10:44This place smells funny.
10:47I don't want to be here.
10:49Well, you should have
10:49thought about that
10:50before you started acting
10:50like such a diva.
10:51Now sit down.
10:54Father Crowley!
10:55This is a surprise.
10:57What brings you
10:58to our soup kitchen?
11:00Well, I want Juanita
11:01to work with the poor.
11:02I want to teach her
11:03to be grateful
11:04for how good she has it.
11:06Oh, well, we can always
11:07use the hand and forehand.
11:08Well, that's a blessing.
11:09Me?
11:10No, no.
11:11Not me.
11:11I'm not really dressed
11:13for ladling,
11:14but I could stand
11:15by the condiment bar
11:16and spritz people
11:17with my Chanel.
11:17And you say Juanita
11:21is a little ungrateful.
11:23Hmm.
11:31Fran Schulman?
11:35Fran.
11:36Well, it's Gabrielle Solis
11:37from the tennis club.
11:39Oh, of course.
11:41Wow, it's been years.
11:42Last time I saw you
11:43was at that charity fashion show.
11:45Wasn't that fun?
11:46Yes.
11:46Yes, it was.
11:48So what are you doing here?
11:49Are you volunteering?
11:50Not exactly.
11:52Me either.
11:52My daughter's gotten
11:53so snooty,
11:54I am forcing her
11:55to spend time
11:55with the great unwashed.
11:57You want to ditch this place
11:58for a cappuccino?
12:00Um, actually,
12:02I'm here to eat.
12:10Yo.
12:15It's Susan.
12:16Great.
12:18You don't see enough of her.
12:21And she's not alone.
12:23Hey, Jackson.
12:24Long time no see.
12:26What's going on?
12:27Um,
12:28we
12:28sort of have an announcement.
12:33We're getting married.
12:36Oh, my God.
12:37This is such great news.
12:41Oh, so, what's the date?
12:46Monday.
12:47Whoa.
12:48What?
12:48That's kind of sudden.
12:51Whoa.
12:51You know, you know.
12:52Why wait?
12:54And we're having a little engagement party
12:55on Friday,
12:56and we're both invited.
12:57A party?
12:58Count us in.
12:59And I can't think of a better reason
13:00to celebrate.
13:02Have you told MJ yet?
13:04Yeah.
13:05He was on board
13:06when he found out
13:06there was cake.
13:09Okay.
13:10Just want to make sure
13:10this isn't all happening
13:11too fast for,
13:12you know, kids.
13:13They need a little time
13:14to adjust.
13:15Oh, kids are resilient.
13:18He'll be fine.
13:19I'm just so excited.
13:25Well,
13:25we wanted you two
13:27to be the first to know,
13:28and we should probably get going.
13:29Got a few more neighbors
13:30to shock.
13:31Oh, well,
13:32we are just so happy for you.
13:34Yeah.
13:36Congratulations.
13:41Now,
13:48if we're going with the damask
13:49for the settee,
13:50then I strongly suggest
13:52that we do the couch
13:53in the chenille.
13:54Mm-hmm.
13:55Mm-hmm.
13:57The only word I understood
13:58there was couch.
14:00I'll explain it to him later.
14:01Good.
14:02Because they're only going
14:03to hold this fabric
14:04for a couple of days.
14:05Well,
14:06I am off.
14:07Oh,
14:08isn't that face divine?
14:10I am so glad
14:12you like it.
14:14I thought we were
14:15just trying out the vase.
14:17I'll explain it to him later.
14:19Okay.
14:26Can you believe this?
14:27Seven years ago,
14:29Evelyn did Fran's house.
14:30Now,
14:31no house.
14:32That's crazy.
14:34You asked Fran
14:35what happened?
14:35No,
14:36I didn't want
14:36to embarrass her.
14:37You met her in line
14:39for free soup.
14:39How much more embarrassed
14:40could she get?
14:41Remember that dinner party
14:43she gave?
14:44She had 20 place settings
14:46of Tiffany China.
14:47How does this happen
14:48to someone
14:48who has Tiffany China?
14:51This is $200 a yard.
14:54Tell Fran to save us
14:55a place in line.
14:57I bet I know
14:57what happened.
14:59She drank it away.
15:00That one New Year's Eve
15:01where she got so plowed
15:03she fell in the koi pond.
15:05Where she landed on you,
15:07drunkie Sue.
15:10Everybody was hammered
15:11at that party.
15:13Well, then it must have been
15:14a gambling problem.
15:16Based on what?
15:18She never missed
15:19bingo night
15:19at Immaculate Heart.
15:21And she was Lutheran.
15:24You really think
15:25she bingoed
15:25her house away?
15:26I don't know.
15:27There has to be some reason.
15:29You don't fall
15:30that far
15:31that fast
15:32without making
15:32some really stupid choices.
15:35Why are you getting so angry?
15:39It was Tiffany China, Carlos.
15:41Ah-ha!
15:50There's the man
15:50that ruined my fishing trip.
15:53Sorry about that, Dave.
15:54No, no worries.
15:55Hey, I am so happy
15:57for you and Susan.
15:58Congratulations.
15:59Thanks.
16:00So how have you been?
16:01We haven't had a chance
16:02to talk since,
16:03I don't know,
16:04probably the fire.
16:05Yeah,
16:06you were the big hero.
16:08I was the doofus
16:09that got stuck
16:10in the men's room.
16:10That was a hell of a night.
16:11I sure would like
16:12to forget that.
16:13Yeah, me too.
16:14Unfortunately,
16:15I have to go down
16:15and talk to the cops
16:16on Tuesday.
16:17Really?
16:18Yeah,
16:19I went down to City Hall
16:20to get my marriage certificate
16:21and I ran into
16:22one of the detectives
16:23from that night
16:23and apparently
16:24they've been trying
16:24to get in touch with me.
16:25So,
16:25now I get to go down there
16:27the day after my wedding.
16:28Some honeymoon, huh?
16:31Wow.
16:32Those guys really know
16:33how to put a crimp
16:33in your day.
16:35So,
16:35did they say
16:36what they wanted
16:36to talk to you about?
16:38I guess they just
16:39wonder if I saw
16:39anything suspicious.
16:40Did you?
16:44No.
16:45I mean,
16:45I was backstage.
16:47I was headed
16:48to the men's room
16:49and I ran to...
16:50Oh!
16:51Oh!
16:52I am so sorry.
16:54Oh,
16:54no,
16:55don't worry about it.
16:56I'll take care of them.
16:57There's got to be
16:57a mop around here
16:58somewhere.
16:59Oh,
16:59that's not coming out.
17:01Oh,
17:01Bree can get rid of that
17:02in a jiffy.
17:03Where did she go?
17:16Okay,
17:17showtime.
17:17Wipe your feet first.
17:18I just had the carpets
17:19cleaned.
17:21Just because we're thieves
17:22doesn't mean we need
17:22to be untidy.
17:23Are we stealing this?
17:40Uh,
17:40yes,
17:40as I recall,
17:41it's quite valuable.
17:42What about this?
17:43Oh,
17:43God,
17:44no,
17:44that's Orson's
17:44Dental Innovator
17:45of the Year award.
17:46I've always hated
17:47that thing.
17:49Dear.
17:49What are you doing?
17:55I,
17:55uh,
17:56took some of my silver
17:57off the mantle
17:57and it threw off
17:58the balance.
18:01Yeah,
18:02you're right.
18:03Let me help.
18:07There.
18:08Balance restored.
18:10Was that necessary?
18:12This place has to look
18:13like it was ransacked
18:14by robbers,
18:14not someone's
18:15personal shopper.
18:16Fine,
18:17but do you have to do
18:17it with such relish?
18:20Hey,
18:20you're not paying me
18:21to just go through
18:22the motions.
18:23Speaking of which,
18:25are you nailing Orson
18:26like we discussed?
18:28That is none
18:29of your business.
18:30Well,
18:30we have to make sure
18:31he doesn't suspect anything.
18:33I do the bare minimum,
18:35no more,
18:35no less.
18:39So is he just missionary?
18:41He seems like
18:42a strictly missionary
18:43kind of guy.
18:44Must you be so crude?
18:46Must you always
18:47be such a priss?
18:48You freak out
18:49at the mention of sex.
18:50You never want
18:51to make a mess.
18:52You suppress
18:52every spontaneous urge
18:53you ever have.
18:54Man,
18:55it must be exhausting
18:55being you.
18:57Yes,
18:57being a lady
18:58takes effort.
18:58Well,
18:59maybe give her a rest
19:00once in a while.
19:01Might surprise you
19:02how good it feels.
19:03You want to be
19:04Neanderthal, Carl?
19:05That's your choice.
19:06I prefer to behave
19:07with class and dignity.
19:08Now,
19:09may we please finish
19:10robbing my home?
19:11Bill Brown.
19:32It's Tom Scalvo.
19:34Tom,
19:35oh my God.
19:36What are you doing here?
19:39Jackson and I
19:39are in the same
19:40soccer league.
19:41Lynette,
19:41this is Bill Brown.
19:42We were roommates
19:43freshman year in college.
19:45Really?
19:45Yeah,
19:46you look fantastic.
19:47You haven't aged a day.
19:48Hey,
19:48we're back at you.
19:49Liar.
19:50You didn't even
19:51recognize me.
19:52Back up a second.
19:52You guys were classmates?
19:53Yeah.
19:54Meaning you were
19:54in the same class
19:55at the same time?
19:57That's what
19:58classmates means,
19:58Lynette.
19:59We're the same age.
20:01Actually,
20:01I think I'm
20:02six months older.
20:03You're older?
20:06I'm sorry.
20:07I just cannot believe
20:08that they're out
20:11of stuffed mushrooms.
20:13Excuse me.
20:14Okay.
20:15My wife's annoying,
20:16but she is right.
20:16What's your secret?
20:17What's it?
20:18Diet?
20:18Exercise?
20:19You're eating a bowl
20:20of stem cells every morning?
20:21Come on.
20:21What's going on,
20:22Peter Pan?
20:24Okay.
20:25You really want to know?
20:30Hi.
20:31This is for you
20:32and Jackson.
20:33Congratulations.
20:34Aw, how sweet.
20:36Oh, and heavy.
20:37Score.
20:38Yeah, well,
20:39we can afford
20:39to be generous
20:40now that I'm
20:40off the hook
20:41for alimony.
20:42Yeah.
20:43What?
20:44You're getting remarried,
20:45so I can stop
20:46sending that check
20:46every month.
20:47Everybody gets a gift.
20:51Right.
20:52Score for you.
20:53Okay, I took tea
20:54for sex.
21:06You get alimony?
21:08I thought you were
21:09too proud to take alimony.
21:10I was too proud
21:11to admit it.
21:12I'm not too proud
21:13to take it.
21:13I need that money, Jackson.
21:15Well, I can try
21:16to chip in.
21:16Chip in?
21:17It's not a birthday cake
21:19for Shirley
21:19in accounting.
21:20It's mortgage
21:21and food
21:22and insurance.
21:24I'm sorry,
21:25but I can't marry you.
21:26No, Susan,
21:27they'll send me back.
21:28It's Canada,
21:29not Iran.
21:29It's like America
21:30with free health insurance.
21:32Okay,
21:33I know this is important
21:34to you,
21:34but I depend
21:35on that check
21:36every month.
21:36I know you do.
21:37I just can't believe
21:38that I finally found
21:39a job that I love
21:40and now I've just
21:41got to give it up.
21:44Well, look,
21:45maybe I could talk
21:46to Mike.
21:47I could see
21:48if we could work
21:48something out.
21:49You'd do that.
21:51I'll try.
21:53Don't think he's not
21:54going to want his gift back.
21:55It was really heavy, too.
22:03So,
22:04You thought my friend Bill
22:06looked pretty fantastic,
22:07huh?
22:07Okay,
22:07I went a little overboard.
22:08You know me.
22:09Two margaritas
22:09and I need a muzzle.
22:10No,
22:10I completely agree with you.
22:11He looks really young.
22:12I know, right?
22:13He must take care of himself.
22:15Actually,
22:15he told me a secret
22:16and I'm thinking
22:17of doing the same thing.
22:20No,
22:21you're not having
22:22plastic surgery.
22:23It's my face.
22:24Uh,
22:25we live in a community
22:26property state,
22:27so half that face
22:28is mine.
22:28Fine.
22:29You know what?
22:29You get the half
22:30below the nose,
22:31but these wrinkles up here
22:32all going away.
22:35Tom,
22:35men don't need
22:36plastic surgery.
22:38They look better
22:38as they age.
22:41Really?
22:41Because you couldn't
22:42stop talking about
22:43how great Bill looked.
22:44You guys were classmates?
22:46You mean,
22:47the same class
22:47at the same time?
22:49Okay,
22:49that's a lousy
22:50impression of me.
22:51Look,
22:52Bill said it really
22:53gave him a leg up
22:54in job interviews,
22:55and I could use
22:56that right now.
22:57You don't need
22:58a facelift.
22:59What if I went out
23:00and got a boob job
23:02and came home
23:02with big,
23:03giant,
23:04sideshow boobs?
23:05How would you like that?
23:08I'd learn to live
23:08with it somehow.
23:11You're not doing this.
23:12We can't afford it.
23:14It's an investment
23:14in our future.
23:15We can't afford not to.
23:16I'm calling the doctor
23:17and making an appointment.
23:21If you want,
23:22I can also get a price check
23:23on a pair of...
23:23I'm not getting
23:24a boob job.
23:31I'll make you
23:32a nice cup of pearl grape.
23:37Oh, dear God.
23:41Orson,
23:42we've been robbed!
23:44It wasn't me.
23:46I swear.
23:53No cuts.
23:54Back of the line.
23:56No, relax.
23:56I'm gonna eat dinner
23:57at home.
23:59In my box
24:00under the bridge.
24:04Brian.
24:05Oh, God.
24:06I was afraid
24:07I wouldn't find you here.
24:08Oh, lucky you.
24:09I'm still poor.
24:10I feel bad.
24:11I ducked out so fast
24:12the other day.
24:14And I've been thinking
24:14about you a lot.
24:16And I just...
24:17I really want to help.
24:18Well...
24:27Now,
24:28I just want to make sure
24:29that you're not gonna...
24:31You know...
24:33Drinking was never
24:34my problem, Gabby.
24:36I didn't think so.
24:37You're always so classy.
24:3920, 40, 60...
24:41Was it drugs?
24:43No, I never did drugs.
24:45Good to know.
24:4780, 100.
24:48Because gambling
24:49is bad enough
24:50without being high.
24:52I never gambled
24:53a day in my life, Gabby.
24:55Well, then
24:56what the hell happened?
24:57This doesn't make sense.
24:59I was at your house.
25:00You had such lovely things.
25:03Yes, Mark and I
25:04lived really well.
25:05Probably a little
25:06too well.
25:08But we were young
25:08and we thought
25:09we had time
25:09to save for the future.
25:12Then he died.
25:13Mark died.
25:18I didn't know.
25:21He was sick
25:22a really long time.
25:23He couldn't work.
25:24He lost his insurance.
25:25By the time he passed away,
25:26we were completely
25:27wiped out.
25:28Oh, Fran,
25:29I'm so sorry.
25:31You didn't have
25:32any family to turn to?
25:33Any friends?
25:35No family.
25:36And as it turns out,
25:37not too many friends either.
25:39Look, Gabby,
25:40I know you came here
25:42wanting to find out
25:42what I did
25:44to make this all happen,
25:44but the truth is
25:45we're all just
25:47an accident
25:47or a tumor
25:48or a bad investment
25:49away from
25:50standing in line
25:51for free soup.
25:57I don't agree, Fran.
26:03You know,
26:04Carlos went blind
26:05for five years.
26:07We went broke.
26:07We almost lost our house.
26:09But we worked
26:10our asses off
26:10and we made it back.
26:14Oh, so just
26:15because you survived that,
26:16you think you've
26:17crossed some kind
26:18of finish line
26:18that nothing bad
26:19can happen again?
26:21Well, no,
26:22but listen,
26:23I hope it works out
26:24for you.
26:25I hope you never lose
26:26that big,
26:26beautiful home of yours.
26:29God knows I wish
26:30I appreciated mine more
26:31while I had it.
26:36Thank you again.
26:39remind me again
26:57when you're getting
26:58your teeth cleaned.
26:59Um, the 14th?
27:02And the 15th,
27:03we have tickets
27:03to that play
27:04that you're dragging me to?
27:06Yes.
27:06Why?
27:08I'm just trying
27:09to figure out
27:09when would be
27:10a good time
27:10to get married.
27:13I'm sorry,
27:14what did you just...
27:16I know,
27:17I know,
27:17not the most romantic
27:19proposal in the world.
27:20I shouldn't have led
27:21to her with the teeth
27:21cleaning.
27:23I feel I can
27:24overlook that.
27:26So, is that a yes?
27:27Yes!
27:28It's a yes!
27:31Oh!
27:32Oh, wow.
27:35What brought this on?
27:37It just seemed
27:38like the right time.
27:39Oh, Mike.
27:41I'm so happy.
27:42I love you.
27:54I love you, too.
27:55I understand
28:02taking things,
28:04but why smash something
28:05you're going to leave behind?
28:07They're robbers, dear,
28:08not personal shoppers.
28:10Yeah,
28:10whoever did this
28:11should be shot.
28:12Well,
28:13I wonder if the victims
28:14of your kleptomania
28:15felt the same way.
28:18You know what?
28:19You're absolutely right.
28:20I never realized
28:22what my stealing
28:22put people through.
28:23Maybe this is karma.
28:24What is that?
28:27Oh.
28:29It's a picture
28:30of the mask
28:30they stole.
28:32I drew it
28:32from memory.
28:35Wow.
28:37Remember where
28:38we got it?
28:39Was it Florence?
28:40Venice.
28:42We walked past
28:42that little shop
28:43under the bridge
28:44and you saw it
28:45in the window.
28:46Oh,
28:47that's right.
28:48You told me
28:49you've been wearing
28:50a mask all your life,
28:51but with me,
28:52you felt
28:52like I could finally
28:53take it off
28:54and be myself.
28:57Yeah.
29:01Anyway,
29:01I faxed it
29:02to the shop
29:02in Venice.
29:03They said
29:03they could make
29:03a new one.
29:04I should have it
29:04for you
29:04in about a month.
29:05I can't believe
29:06you went to
29:06all that trouble.
29:08Well,
29:08you must not know
29:09how much you mean
29:10to me.
29:27Hello?
29:28Oh, hi, Dave.
29:29No, of course not.
29:30What's on your mind?
29:32Well, I figure
29:33it was time
29:33to get back to work,
29:34so I put together
29:35a speaking tour.
29:36Seattle,
29:37Portland,
29:38my usual route.
29:39Work?
29:40Are you sure
29:40it's not too soon?
29:41Well, I have to
29:42do it eventually.
29:43Anyway,
29:44I was hoping
29:44you could check in
29:45on the house
29:45now and then.
29:46Of course.
29:49Oh, someone's
29:49at my door.
29:50Let me get rid of them.
29:55Hey, Catherine,
29:56is Mike here?
29:57No, he's at work.
29:58Oh, shoot.
29:59Um, well,
30:00can you tell him
30:01to call me
30:01as soon as he gets back?
30:02Sure.
30:02Is everything okay?
30:06Uh, well...
30:09Okay, you know what?
30:11Mike's probably
30:11going to tell you anyway,
30:12so just don't tell
30:13anyone else, okay?
30:16There's not a problem
30:17with the wedding,
30:17is there?
30:18It's still on, right?
30:20It depends.
30:23Jackson and I
30:24are only getting married
30:25because he needs
30:25his green card.
30:27Oh.
30:28And then I realized
30:30that I would lose
30:30my alimony,
30:31so unless Mike
30:32will keep paying me,
30:33I can't get married.
30:35You have to.
30:36I mean,
30:37poor Jackson.
30:38I would hate
30:39to see him deported
30:40back to...
30:42Where's he from?
30:44Canada.
30:45Oh!
30:46We can't have that.
30:48If you want,
30:49I could talk to Mike
30:51for you.
30:52That would be great.
30:53Just tell him
30:53I need an answer quickly
30:54because the wedding
30:55is Monday.
30:56Well, don't cancel
30:58anything yet.
30:59You'll have your answer
30:59tonight.
31:00Thanks.
31:01Sorry, Dave.
31:12Dave?
31:25Hey.
31:26Hey, Lynette.
31:27How's it going?
31:28Oh, my husband
31:29wants to spend money
31:30we don't have
31:30on a facelift
31:31he doesn't need,
31:32so not great.
31:34Tell him to be careful.
31:37Have you seen Bruce
31:38in payroll?
31:39He just went in
31:40for a little nip and tuck.
31:42And?
31:42How's he look?
31:44Like he's standing
31:45in a wind tunnel.
31:48Really?
31:49Poor Bruce.
31:50What's his extension?
31:52What's his extension?
31:57And I'm thinking
31:58I may have acted rashly.
32:00I mean,
32:00every marriage
32:02has its rough patches.
32:04Orson loves me
32:05and deep down
32:05he's a good man.
32:06If I stick with this
32:08maybe we can make it work.
32:09Are you even listening to me?
32:11Don't need to.
32:12Heard it all before.
32:14Oh, really?
32:15I've been doing this
32:1620 years.
32:18And trust me,
32:19every woman
32:20gets cold feet.
32:22Am I making a mistake?
32:25Is he really that bad?
32:27Maybe
32:28I could try harder.
32:30And I'm going to tell you
32:31what I tell them.
32:33You're not making a mistake.
32:35He really is that bad.
32:37And no matter
32:38how hard you try
32:39he's still going to be
32:40the same jerk
32:41that sent you
32:41into this office
32:42in the first place.
32:44Oh!
32:45So I'm just like
32:46everyone else
32:47and you know
32:47everything I'm going to say.
32:49Yep.
32:50I even know the stuff
32:51you're not going to say.
32:54I doubt that.
32:56Let me give it a shot.
32:59You've been thinking
32:59what happens
33:00if I walk away
33:02from Orson
33:03and everything
33:03I invested
33:04in this relationship.
33:10Will I ever find
33:11another man?
33:13will you spend
33:16the rest of your life
33:17alone?
33:22Close?
33:26In the ballpark.
33:31Will you listen to me?
33:33You've got nothing
33:34to worry about.
33:35You're a beautiful,
33:39elegant, classy woman.
33:41There's no way
33:42you're going to end up alone.
33:53And do you say that
33:55to every woman too?
33:56No.
33:57I mean,
33:58I get some real
33:59Uggos in here.
34:00You know,
34:00the kind that are
34:01going to die alone
34:01and get eaten
34:02by their cats?
34:06Charming.
34:07So are we back
34:08in business?
34:11Send me the papers
34:12when they're ready.
34:21Honey,
34:22I'm glad you're home.
34:23I brought someone
34:23home from work.
34:24I want you to meet.
34:27Yeah.
34:28It turns out
34:29he got the same procedure
34:30that you're thinking
34:31about getting,
34:32so I thought maybe
34:32you could chat him up
34:33about it.
34:34So you're finally
34:35on board with this?
34:36Well,
34:36like you said,
34:37it's your face.
34:38Come on.
34:38I'm dying for you
34:39to meet Bruce.
34:45Bruce,
34:45I want you to meet
34:46my husband, Tom.
34:47Tom,
34:48this is Bruce.
34:48Hi, Tom.
34:55So,
34:55um,
34:56Lynette tells me
34:57you're thinking
34:57about having
34:58a little elective surgery.
35:00Did she?
35:02Mm-hmm.
35:03Now,
35:04you may not be able
35:04to tell,
35:06but I've had work done.
35:10Really?
35:11Have they finished?
35:13Yeah.
35:16Now,
35:16I should warn you
35:17that, uh,
35:19after they operate,
35:20it looks a little weird.
35:22Oh.
35:23I was wondering
35:24about that, yeah.
35:24But eventually
35:25it settles.
35:26Like this.
35:33Ah.
35:38Isn't it exciting, Tom?
35:39In a few weeks,
35:40you are going to look
35:41just like Bruce.
35:44Hey,
35:45if you want,
35:45I'll give you
35:46the name of my surgeon.
35:48Yes.
35:49I definitely want
35:50the name of the guy
35:51who did that.
35:53Lynette,
35:53um,
35:54Bruce looks like
35:55he could use
35:55something to drink
35:56and I know
35:56that I sure could.
35:57Could you excuse us
35:58for a second?
36:03Very clever, Lynette,
36:05inviting the Joker
36:06over to scare me.
36:07I wanted you
36:07to see the face
36:08they don't put
36:09in the brochure.
36:09I will be having
36:10my work done
36:11by a reputable surgeon.
36:12Bruce looks like
36:13his was done
36:13by a bear.
36:14But that's my point.
36:17You don't know
36:17how these things
36:18will turn out.
36:19Well,
36:19I am willing
36:20to take that risk.
36:21I'm doing it.
36:23Why are you
36:24being so stubborn?
36:25Why do you
36:26care so much?
36:28Because I don't
36:29want to have
36:29plastic surgery.
36:31What?
36:34Tom,
36:34if you're
36:34unsatisfied
36:35with your look,
36:36someday you're
36:37going to be
36:37unsatisfied
36:38with mine.
36:40No.
36:41No.
36:42Yes,
36:43you are going
36:43to look at me
36:44someday with your
36:45brand new face
36:46and say,
36:47when did she
36:47get so old?
36:50We won't look
36:51like we belong
36:52together anymore.
36:53Lynette,
36:54I'm just talking
36:54about getting rid
36:55of a few wrinkles.
36:57But I don't see
36:57your wrinkles, Tom.
36:58I see our
36:59whole life together.
37:03This
37:04is you worrying
37:06about how you're
37:06going to provide
37:07for us.
37:08this
37:09is Penny
37:11falling out
37:11of the treehouse
37:12and breaking
37:12her arm.
37:15This is my
37:16cancer.
37:19These are the
37:20millions of laughs
37:21that got us
37:22through all
37:23those tough
37:23times.
37:26It's like a
37:27map of our
37:28marriage,
37:29and I don't
37:30want to lose
37:30it.
37:32And if it
37:33keeps me
37:34from getting
37:34a job?
37:37You're going
37:37to get a
37:38job.
37:39And it'll
37:39be because
37:40they're
37:40impressed
37:41by your
37:41experience,
37:42not your
37:42wrinkle-free
37:43face.
37:45I know
37:46exactly what
37:47you mean.
37:48Because I
37:49love your
37:49face, too.
37:50Mm.
37:52Mm.
37:52This wrinkle
37:55here, that's
37:56what...
37:57This isn't
37:58about me,
37:58Tom.
38:01Come on.
38:02Come on.
38:10Hey.
38:12Good news.
38:13Looks like
38:14we're getting
38:14fake married
38:14after all.
38:16Really?
38:17Yeah.
38:18Mike agreed
38:18to keep paying
38:19me alimony.
38:19He just sent
38:20me a text.
38:20Oh, man,
38:22that's a
38:22relief.
38:23And
38:24unbelievably
38:24generous.
38:25I'm going
38:26to send
38:26him a
38:26thank you
38:26right now.
38:31You're
38:32welcome.
38:32You know,
38:49I really
38:50can't tell you
38:50how much I
38:51appreciate you
38:52doing this for
38:52me, Susan.
38:53And I promise,
38:54as long as I'm
38:54here, I'll pitch
38:55in around the
38:55house, run
38:56errands, you
38:58know, just like
38:58a real husband.
39:00Clearly, you've
39:01never been married
39:01before.
39:03Well, you know,
39:04just because this
39:04is fake marriage
39:06doesn't mean it
39:07can't be wonderful.
39:09Well, I've been
39:10in some real
39:11marriages that
39:12weren't, so
39:12maybe you're
39:14right.
39:22Oh, look.
39:24Cans.
39:25You can't have a
39:26wedding without
39:26cans and signage.
39:28Sweet.
39:28Let's get to
39:30the car wash
39:31on our way
39:31to the courthouse.
39:37Jackson Braddock?
39:39Yes?
39:40We're with
39:40immigration.
39:41You're in the
39:42country on an
39:42expired visa.
39:44You're going to
39:44have to come
39:44with us.
39:45Oh, no, no,
39:45no.
39:45You can't
39:46take him now.
39:48Susan, there's
39:49a business card
39:49on the dresser
39:50with an attorney's
39:51number.
39:51Would you call
39:52him for me,
39:52please?
39:53Please, can't
39:53this wait?
39:54We're about
39:54to get married.
39:55Not today,
39:56you're not.
39:56What's going on?
39:57Who are these
39:57guys?
39:58I'm immigration
39:59agents, and I
40:00think they're
40:01sending Jackson
40:02back to Canada.
40:03Hello?
40:18Hello?
40:32May I speak with Bree Vandecamp?
40:34Oh, she's not in at the moment. Can I take a message?
40:36Yeah, this is Sheila with Weston Brothers Storage.
40:39It's about the storage unit she just rented.
40:41Storage unit?
40:42Yeah, we overcharged her on the deposit.
40:43Tell her not to worry. We're going to deduct it from her next bill.
40:47Okay.
40:49You're welcome.
40:54Everyone wears some kind of mask.
40:58So you must look closely to find the truth that lies beneath.
41:04Hi. Come on.
41:06Some conceal anxiety about growing older.
41:10Some hide fears of financial ruin.
41:26Others cover up a love that continues to linger.
41:30And then there are those who let their mask slip.
41:46If you look into their eyes, you'll see who they really are.
41:51And exactly what they're capable of.
41:56See you now.
42:03Bye bye.
42:05Bye bye.
42:09Byeón.
42:11Bye.
42:13Bye.
42:14Bye.
42:18Bye.
42:19Bye.
42:19Bye.
42:20Bye.
42:21Bye.
42:22Transcription by CastingWords
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