Breakup, Respecting Elders, & Discrimination _ Stand-Up Comedy by Abhishek Upmanyu #gagster #standup #comedy #standupcomedy #funnyreels.hd

Yashraj Flims

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Transcript

00:00Recently one of my friends went through a break-up.

00:02And he's one of those guys who can't handle their break-ups.

00:04So, after break-up, they say,

00:06''Caddy gai bhai, chali gai oh shit yaar.

00:08Itana payar kiya, phir bhi chali gai.

00:11Inse vishwaasin hoota,

00:12inko kya ladki chhod sakthi hai.

00:14But what they do is, they never tell you directly

00:16that they're broken up.

00:17What they do is, they try to slip it in conversations.

00:19Lekinke, har baat me na, break-up ki tone out raya.

00:21Manoosiyat, madlab.

00:23Aap phone karla, aapka moodi kharab hajai.

00:25Mano, they say, phone kya, kaha hai?

00:27Khera, hostel mein.

00:29Mano, akela hai?

00:30Khera, baat.

00:31Khera, baat.

00:41Mano, koji nahi yaar. Tenshin mit lye.

00:42Darupi yaa, khani aansu hon se pet bhar liya.

00:44Khera, khani aansu hon se pet bhar liya.

00:46Khera, khani.

00:53Acha, man ek bai chhota saa, to man chocolate khara tha.

00:55To my dad hai kata, betta chocolate mat khau.

00:57Mano, khyon?

00:58Mano, khyon?

00:59Kaen, daat hume ki degetr par jayenge.

01:00To my ice cream khahan lag gaya.

01:04To my dad hai kata, betta ice cream mat khau.

01:06Mano, khyon?

01:07Kaen daat hume ki dege pr jayenge.

01:08To my ki dege khan lag gaya.

01:19My dad hai kata, betta ki dege mat khao.

01:21Mano, khyon?

01:22Kaen daat hume ki dege pr jayenge.

01:23I said, here, Papa, go here.

01:26Here, go here. Let's talk.

01:33I don't want to talk about anything.

01:37Talk about Tamizh. Respect your elders.

01:39And that is one thing that our parents have always taught us, right?

01:41Respect your elders. Respect your elders.

01:45But they never explained why.

01:49And I think they have a reason.

01:50They are saying that we are saying that we are saying that we are saying that we are saying that we are saying that.

01:57So I said, I'll tell you, Papa. Why do you have to do respect?

02:00He said, I'm saying, I'm saying, I'm just doing it.

02:04I said, why?

02:05He said, we were born first.

02:13And...

02:15He said, there's no other reason for me.

02:18I said, I didn't respect.

02:20He said, I don't want to be a fool of us.

02:31And they also tell you that you should respect women, which I agree.

02:34So you should respect your elders and you should respect women.

02:37I mean, I can only do a little girl.

02:39You should respect them.

02:40If you should respect for programs, you should respect them.

02:45I mean, I don't quit the same thing that you should look at.

02:48I mean, I don't want the same thing that you should do.

02:49So I am like, I don't want to run here.

02:50So I am like, I don't know.

02:52Oh no, I don't know.

02:55No, no, no.

02:59Recently one of my friends came up to me and he criticized me, right?

03:02But he criticized me for something that I have never been criticized for in my entire life.

03:06He said and I quote,

03:08Yad, where he to Banda Bada Piaara hai?

03:13But, yad, you are the big ones.

03:17Exactly.

03:18It took a little time for me to register this completely.

03:21I said, yeah, I have to work on it.

03:23Eh, you mean Masooda?

03:27Who is Masooda?

03:30Masooda is not an elegant body part.

03:34You never see guys talking about girls.

03:36Bhai, Bandi was a Masooda.

03:43The bandi said,

03:44This is my friend.

03:51Today is the anti-discrimination day.

03:53Any discrimination on the basis of caste, creed, colour or sex would not be appreciated.

03:57Would not be appreciated.

03:58Would not be appreciated.

03:59But you do it.

04:00Please, how many of you have watched football?

04:01Give me a chair.

04:02Yes.

04:03No, I don't have to talk about that.

04:08I was looking at football,

04:09but he was very strange.

04:10The bandi said,

04:11Today is the anti-discrimination day.

04:14Any discrimination on the basis of caste, creed, colour or sex would not be appreciated.

04:20Would not be appreciated.

04:23But you do it.

04:26Don't do it with racism.

04:29Don't expect compliments.

04:30I think,

04:31India is where we lightly take discrimination,

04:33because we have much bigger problems to deal with, right?

04:35Than discrimination.

04:36Like, consider Mumbai police.

04:37Every day,

04:38they are getting cases of murder,

04:40and kids getting stabbed,

04:41and somebody getting robbed,

04:42and someone is getting robbed.

04:43And then someone is coming

04:44to take a complaint of discrimination.

04:48Sir, what happened to me?

04:49He told me.

04:50When you are shooting for a woman,

04:51you failed.

04:52You said the police were angry?

04:53I said,

04:54Look, brother.

04:55He said that you are a fake boy,

04:56because you are fake boy.

04:57You are an American man.

04:58You are dead.

04:59You are naked.

05:00Who are you saying?

05:01And the police lets all go for it.

05:02Keep the police going.

05:03Look, brother.

05:04If you are gay,

05:05he is gay.

05:06You are a gay man.

05:08Do you go out?

05:09Do you want a gay man?

05:10Do you want a gay man?

05:11Do you want a gay man?

05:12Do you need a gay man?

05:13Yes.

05:14You have a gay man?

05:15What does it come out?

05:16It is so cool.

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