Teaching Nicky Smokes A Topic That Francis Taught Me Proved To Be Very Difficult

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Dana B | Dana Learns

Transcript

00:00All right, Nicky, we're trying something today where I am teaching you a topic that Francis has taught me.

00:08I can't wait.

00:09Give me a guess of what war we're talking about today.

00:12World War I.

00:14Incorrect.

00:15Independence War.

00:16Yes.

00:17Revolutionary War.

00:18Yes.

00:19You're on a hot start.

00:20Why did we get into a war and who was it with?

00:24All right, I know the war was with the Brits.

00:27They were taxing tea, right?

00:29There was tea involved, yeah.

00:31But it was mainly like taxes.

00:33I think you're spot on.

00:34Okay.

00:34So they had this fucking guy, this king.

00:37I think it was King Arthur or some bullshit or George or whatever.

00:40The King of England?

00:41Arthur.

00:42George.

00:43We had a bunch of people who came over in the Mayflower.

00:48And what religion were they?

00:49Were they Catholic?

00:50Protestant.

00:50Protestant, okay.

00:52What do you see in that word?

00:53Protest?

00:54Yeah, that's exactly what they were.

00:56They were sick and tired of the Catholic Church taxing them pretty much for trying to be religious.

01:04I'm pretty sure.

01:05Wait, they got taxed for being religious?

01:07I think so, yeah.

01:07Protestant religion sprung from people's frustrations with the Catholic Church, especially related

01:13to how it was tithing its members, basically saying, pay 10% of your income to the church.

01:19So other religions didn't get taxed?

01:21That's for God to decide.

01:22That's kind of fucked up.

01:23That's fucked up, right?

01:24So essentially, these colonizers, they come over in the Mayflower.

01:28Where do they land?

01:29It's got to be on the East Coast.

01:30It is, yep.

01:32Boston.

01:32Close.

01:33I mean, yeah.

01:34Plymouth Rock.

01:35Is that where you get mudslides?

01:37No.

01:37Was it Brie like mudslides?

01:39That's, uh, maybe.

01:40Actually, yeah.

01:41Probably.

01:42Is it a big rock?

01:43No, it's a fucking bad rock, dude.

01:45I gotta show you this rock.

01:46Is it small?

01:47It's a piece of shit rock.

01:50That's it?

01:51That's it.

01:51It's fenced off and people go to look at it.

01:54So the boat drove into that rock?

01:56How'd they see that rock?

01:58That's a good question.

01:59I don't know the answer to that.

02:00John Hancock.

02:01Yeah, who was he?

02:02He was a president.

02:04Nope.

02:04Just a dude with white hair.

02:06What did he do?

02:07He signed it.

02:08Signed what?

02:09The Declaration of Independence.

02:10There you go.

02:11See, I'll do that.

02:12We wanted our independence.

02:13So we declared our independence in 1776.

02:17Who signed that bitch?

02:18There was mad people who signed that bitch.

02:20But who was, like, the guy?

02:21You know what everyone says.

02:22You gotta give your blank.

02:25Give your blank.

02:26Give your blank?

02:28Give your blank.

02:29Thomas Jefferson?

02:30Nope.

02:31George Washington?

02:32No.

02:32Give me a blank here when you're signing a paper.

02:35Signature.

02:36Well, yeah, but...

02:38Come on.

02:41Hold on.

02:42Give me a what?

02:44Um...

02:45Hey, dude.

02:45Edison.

02:46No.

02:46First name, John.

02:49Wilcock.

02:49No.

02:51Really close.

02:53Hancock.

02:54Damn it.

02:55Okay.

02:56Give me a John Hancock, right?

02:57I've never heard that in my life.

02:59Yes, you have.

02:59I swear to God no one's been like, give me a Hancock.

03:03Okay.

03:03I've heard Han job.

03:05Well, yeah.

03:05Me too.

03:07But that's nothing to do with fucking signing papers.

03:10John Hancock?

03:10Unless maybe.

03:11I mean, maybe you're...

03:13Did prostitutes need you to sign papers?

03:15No, they just need, like, a memo.

03:16Taxes.

03:17Use fucking taxes, man.

03:18They're pissing people off.

03:20So that's the main reason why we want our independence.

03:23It's all money.

03:24George Washington was the head of the army.

03:27He organizes our troops.

03:31And it's kind of a ragtag group of guys.

03:33George Dub.

03:35Who's George Dub?

03:35Us?

03:37The other one.

03:38Washington.

03:39George Dub, right?

03:41He organizes a ragtag crew.

03:43These guys are farmers.

03:44They're fucking throwing rocks.

03:46They don't have guns.

03:47It's like recruiting all linemen in the Big Ten.

03:49100%.

03:50These guys...

03:51We actually land on Long Island.

03:53My mom's from Long Island.

03:55My wife's from Long Island.

03:56Wait, really?

03:56Yeah.

03:57Why don't you draw me New York?

04:00Okay.

04:01All right.

04:01That's New York.

04:04There's a little part you're missing.

04:06Is it here?

04:07Nope.

04:07Here?

04:08Yep.

04:08You don't remember the little...

04:10Little island?

04:11New Jersey?

04:12That's Long Island.

04:12Oh, that's...

04:13We backtrack across Long Island to Brooklyn Heights.

04:20And then the British cross as well.

04:21And they're big boats.

04:23And then they start fighting up Manhattan.

04:25We're retreating, okay?

04:26So we're retreating to Manhattan.

04:29Or Brooklyn Heights first.

04:30Then to Manhattan.

04:31So we're going north.

04:32Yes.

04:33Okay.

04:33I think...

04:34Maybe?

04:36I know Albany's over here.

04:38Where do you think Manhattan is on the fucking map, man?

04:41Yeah.

04:42There you go.

04:42I got it?

04:43Okay.

04:43All right.

04:44We're fighting the Brits in New York City.

04:46Okay.

04:47With the buildings and everything.

04:48We're just fucking throwing rocks at them.

04:51Then we went west.

04:52And we crossed over to sort of the Hudson.

04:54And we had a fort there.

04:56I want to say it was Fort Sumter, but that doesn't sound right.

04:58Maybe it was Fort Hudson.

05:00I don't think so.

05:02Where are we going next?

05:03I think we go west towards Buffalo.

05:05I don't think that's right, but I also don't know if you're wrong.

05:15Where do we go to Vermont?

05:18Stop.

05:20Stop.

05:21Britain has this big navy, and they're just crushing us.

05:25We're just basically trying to survive, and we're still retreating, still retreating,

05:29to the Delaware River.

05:31I don't even worry about that.

05:32Okay.

05:32Fuck the map.

05:35It took me anxiety with that thing.

05:37What happens when we reach the Delaware River?

05:39This is in December, okay?

05:40Okay, so it's cold.

05:42It's cold.

05:43Ice fish?

05:44No, we got ice fishing, bro.

05:47I don't know.

05:47Do we set up traps?

05:48Like, where the holes in the ice?

05:50For them to fall into?

05:52I don't think so, but that's not a bad tactic.

05:56I don't know.

05:56What do you do on the ice in 1776?

05:58Forget the ice.

06:01Forget the fucking...

06:02I should have never said December.

06:03Christmas Eve.

06:05All right?

06:06And they've hired all these Hessian troops.

06:08Germans.

06:09Hessian?

06:10Guns for hire.

06:11They hired a bunch of guns for hire from Germany.

06:14What were they called?

06:14Hitmen.

06:15Well, Hitler wasn't alive yet.

06:17Germans.

06:17Hessians.

06:18Hessians.

06:19Hessians.

06:19Okay.

06:19So these Hessians are working in, you know, conjunction with the Brits.

06:24Sick fucking word.

06:25Hessians were drinking because it was Christmas.

06:29What do you do on Christmas?

06:31You'd be there.

06:31You'd be drinking with them.

06:32You'd drink nice decorative martinis.

06:34Yeah.

06:35Yeah.

06:35You...

06:35Uh...

06:36A Wyhen Steffaner.

06:41These guys are getting fucked up on Christmas Eve, right?

06:45Like boozing or fucked up?

06:46Boozing.

06:46No, boozing.

06:47Okay.

06:47Washington, in one of the most daring moves in military history, decides to counterattack

06:54and double back in the middle of the night on Christmas.

06:59What does George Dubb do?

07:00Send the hit in.

07:01Yep.

07:02Red wedding that bitch.

07:03He red weddings the German Haitians, whatever you want.

07:05Haitians, Hessians, I don't know what they're called.

07:07Definitely not Haitians.

07:08No, not Haitians.

07:09The American troops surprise them on Christmas Eve.

07:13So we go in there and we fuck them up.

07:15So, essentially after that, we kind of won the war.

07:21We won the war on Christmas?

07:23Pretty much.

07:24Really?

07:24Yeah.

07:24There was that many of them boozing?

07:26They were all drinking.

07:27They didn't expect...

07:28It was a surprise attack.

07:29Santa came through the chimney and just lit them up.

07:31Santa lit them the fuck up.

07:32George Washington's like Santa.

07:34Yeah.

07:34He's the American Santa Claus.

07:36I don't know.

07:37Was Santa alive back then?

07:38Had to be, right?

07:40I don't know.

07:41That's actually a good question.

07:42What do you think Santa Claus' birthday is?

07:44Christmas.

07:45Yeah, but like what year?

07:47Like zero probably.

07:49So then he was probably alive.

07:52Maybe.

07:53Or maybe Santa Claus became a thing because George Washington came in.

07:57That's what I'm saying.

07:57And surprised them.

07:58That's what I'm saying.

07:59And killed them.

07:59I think George Dubb created Santa Claus.

08:02Okay.

08:02Now we're getting somewhere.

08:03We are officially recognized in the Treaty of Paris.

08:09As winners.

08:09By England.

08:111783 I believe.

08:12And then there's the Treaty of what?

08:14That declares us as independent and winners of the war.

08:19Treaty of?

08:20What's a sick city in Europe?

08:23Rome.

08:27Istanbul.

08:28It's very romantic.

08:29Lake Como.

08:31Fucking Lake Como.

08:32It's where Anakin Skywalker got married to Padman.

08:34Is that Italy?

08:35Yeah.

08:35Paris.

08:35Yes.

08:36Correct.

08:36So the Treaty of Paris, 1783.

08:41The boys are declared winners.

08:43I don't know if you know the answer to this question, but why Paris if we fought Brits?

08:47That's way above my pay grade.

08:49Okay.

08:51I'll try to do that one.

08:51Please don't do that in the future.

08:53So we won the war on Christmas.

08:55We won the war on Christmas and then we kind of had to fuck around with them for a little

08:58bit over the next couple of years.

09:00But 1983, we're good.

09:03We're America.

09:041983?

09:051783, we're America.

09:10What were the original 13 colonies?

09:12North Carolina, South Carolina, Massachusetts.

09:16Yep.

09:16New York.

09:17Yep.

09:17Pennsylvania.

09:18Yep.

09:19Delaware.

09:20Yep.

09:21Washington, D.C.

09:22Yep.

09:22Georgia.

09:24I think.

09:25Alabama.

09:26Yeah.

09:27I don't know actually.

09:27What's Virginia?

09:29I think so.

09:30Virginia?

09:30Yep.

09:31New Jersey.

09:31Yep.

09:32Arkansas.

09:33Sure.

09:34All right.

09:35Cool.

09:35At that point, those are our 13 colonies.

09:38Then we create the 50 states and we're America.

09:41Yeah.

09:41That's the Revolutionary War.

09:42Let's go baby.

09:43Let's go.

09:44Let's go.

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