Francis Teaches An Idiot The Vietnam War

Barstool Sports

6 months ago

Dana B | Dana Learns

Transcript

00:00Why are you staring at me, dude?

00:05I don't like when you stare at me like that.

00:09It makes me uneasy.

00:10Oh, no.

00:11You're about to, like...

00:12Jump out of the bush and mow you down with an AK-47?

00:15No.

00:16Are you sitting in a rain poncho, taking the night watch in the thick jungle of Vietnam?

00:22Nam, baby!

00:23We're doing Nam.

00:24Yup.

00:25Vietnam War.

00:261954 to 1975.

00:28We didn't even get to fucking drink our champagne and shoot guns after World War II.

00:35A long conflict, right?

00:37There was this whole thought that you could never actually call it a war.

00:40It was a police conflict.

00:42Why?

00:43Because we never wanted to admit that we were fighting this war.

00:46So we didn't declare it.

00:48Well, it was a proxy war in theory.

00:50Except it wasn't a proxy war because we lost about 58,000 guys.

00:54That's a lot.

00:55A lot of people.

00:56A lot of men.

00:57Millions.

00:58Millions.

00:59Prior to the Vietnam War starting, Vietnam, especially the North Vietnamese, had been fighting

01:04back against colonial rule by the French.

01:07Okay.

01:08The French liked Vietnam.

01:09There were a lot of natural resources, especially, I think, rubber?

01:12Trees.

01:13Rubber trees.

01:14Bamboo.

01:15Yeah.

01:16Yes.

01:17Coala bears.

01:18Maybe.

01:19They eat the bamboo.

01:20Probably.

01:21They do.

01:22Possibly.

01:23They do.

01:24Well, there was also opium.

01:25There were some major natural resources and products that were coming out of Vietnam that

01:30were worth a lot of money at that time.

01:31Okay.

01:32Rubber being the particular one because this is when cars are starting to really explode.

01:37Rubber needed for tires.

01:39We need, you know, condoms.

01:42Rubber condoms.

01:43Isn't that what they're made of?

01:44Latex, I guess.

01:45Hey, bud.

01:46Toss me your rubber.

01:47Yeah.

01:48The padding at indoor trampoline parks.

01:52Yeah.

01:53Yeah.

01:54That's good rubber.

01:55Go-kart barriers.

01:56Yeah.

01:57That's good rubber.

01:58Really need some rubber for that.

01:59Golf grips.

02:00Yeah.

02:01Some rubber there.

02:02I love when I stun you.

02:05I don't know why we get stuck in these ruts.

02:09Just trying to teach you about the Vietnam War and all of a sudden we're listing things

02:13that rubber is used for.

02:15That's why it's the best.

02:16Yeah.

02:17You know, nobody wants to talk about fucking rubber.

02:19No.

02:20We don't have to talk about what's made of rubber.

02:22Right.

02:23Weirdly, a harder assignment than you'd think.

02:26So, they kick the French out.

02:28The French leave and North Vietnam becomes independent.

02:31It tries to establish itself in the model of the communist states that it admires.

02:37Mainly the Soviet Union and China.

02:40Yep.

02:41We hate communism in 1950s.

02:45Yes, we do.

02:46You've taught me that.

02:47We hate it.

02:48We fear it.

02:49Anywhere that adopts communism is seen as kind of an enemy.

02:54And we saw that the South Vietnamese were fighting back.

02:58So, there was this conflict that was breaking out and we supported the South Vietnamese.

03:03And we started sending some guys over there.

03:06And at first it wasn't that many.

03:07Then they start playing the songs.

03:09The Viet Cong.

03:10Mmm.

03:11As we started losing more guys and realizing like our battle to eradicate communism was not going well.

03:17LBJ, Lyndon Baines Johnson.

03:20Braun James.

03:21Sure.

03:22His father.

03:23Braun James.

03:24Braun James.

03:25Sending more and more of our troops.

03:28You know, you're so pleased with yourself when you throw something in like that.

03:34Look at how gleeful you are.

03:36And the seconds after you say something dumb like that, you don't hear anything I say.

03:40You just go off on your little happy, oh, look what I've done.

03:44Look at the shit that I left on the floor.

03:47Yeah.

03:48When do the songs come in?

03:49It's not like World War II.

03:50Right.

03:51One, we're not winning.

03:52We don't get much pride out of this.

03:54Two, none of us even know where Vietnam fucking is.

03:56I would guess Indonesia.

03:57Vietnam is probably one of my least favorite wars.

04:00Really?

04:01Well, we lost.

04:02Well, it's just like the music, you know.

04:04That's it.

04:05Fourth of July is coming up.

04:06You see the fucking, you see the airplanes and they go.

04:10Yeah.

04:11Nom.

04:12But a lot of them were protest songs.

04:13Maybe it's a little revisionist history.

04:17What do you mean?

04:18Now we see the videos and the music are like, that was badass.

04:21Yeah.

04:22Revisionist history.

04:23I see what you mean.

04:25Yeah, yup.

04:26You know what?

04:27I don't even want to untangle that.

04:28I just learned that phrase recently.

04:29I can tell.

04:30Like Dana B averaged 12 and 10 in high school.

04:33Mm-hmm.

04:34Might be revisionist history.

04:36Is that revisionist history?

04:37It might have been 11 and 9.

04:38No.

04:39You shade it up to a double-double?

04:40I made it 9.7.

04:41It goes up to 10.

04:43It's just a fact.

04:44Wow.

04:45It is.

04:46No, but that's revisionist history, you know?

04:49Mm-hmm.

04:50When you do mm-hmm, I know that I'm in trouble.

04:52Well, I'm thinking about that, right?

04:53So my GPA in college was a 3.31.

04:56But unfortunately, I cannot shade that up to a 3.4.

05:01You had a 3.31?

05:02Mm-hmm.

05:03For a smart guy, that's not good.

05:06School was pretty hard.

05:08Well, yeah, but I'm just saying, 3.31.

05:12What, what, you got a problem with that?

05:14It's a B-plus average.

05:15I was a 2.3 guy.

05:16Yeah, there you go.

05:17Yeah.

05:18So what the fuck are you talking about?

05:20Who are you to give me any shit about a 3.31?

05:26You're a full point below me.

05:30It's ridiculous, obviously, because you went to Harvard, but it's just funny, you know?

05:35Mm-hmm.

05:36It's fucking funny.

05:38I don't know.

05:39I tried.

05:40I tried my hardest.

05:41I know.

05:42That was about as good as I could probably do.

05:44It was just a class selection problem.

05:46I don't need to fucking defend myself here.

05:48So by the late 1960s, we had over 500,000 troops over there.

05:54The North was being supplied with arms and intelligence by its shadow powers of-

06:01Russia and China.

06:02By 1973, the cost of the war, the purpose of it, the disillusion, and the unpopularity

06:09of it back home caused us to pull out of Vietnam entirely.

06:14And by 1975, South Vietnam had fallen completely to the full invasion by North Vietnam.

06:23Okay, so the Viet Cong took over.

06:25They took over and Vietnam becomes a communist country.

06:30You know what I remember you teaching me?

06:31What?

06:32You're going to be impressed with this.

06:34Greed is the Achilles heel of communism.

06:36There you go.

06:37Huh?

06:38That's it.

06:39See, I fucking retain shit.

06:40Pretty good.

06:41I retain things you tell me.

06:42That's it.

06:43I would never have said those words in order.

06:44No, I'm impressed.

06:45Before I knew you.

06:46That's Vietnam, brother.

06:47Thank you, Franny.

06:48Good luck.

06:49Stay out of trouble.

06:50Bye, wherever you are.

06:51Bye.

06:52ET

Francis Teaches An Idiot The Vietnam War

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