Francis Scared The Shit Out Of Me About How Mortgages Work

Barstool Sports

Dana B | Francis Tutors Dana Beers

Transcript

00:00I'm trying to present as a Gen Z. I identify as a 27 year old right now.

00:05You're a cool guy.

00:06I went and spoke to some of those 27 year olds upstairs.

00:10I said, do you guys think that we're all the same age and stuff?

00:14And they said, don't get a chain.

00:15I got one.

00:16You tuck yours away as a little treasure.

00:18Whenever I jack off, throw it back there.

00:21Smart.

00:22So Jesus ain't seen none of the blasphemy on my penis.

00:27Well, um, that didn't take long.

00:32You ever think about buying a house?

00:34I would love a deck.

00:36A deck would be nice.

00:37Front porch.

00:38What is a mortgage?

00:40I believe it's just similar to rent, but I'm paying the mortgage to...

00:45Who?

00:46The bank.

00:47Correct.

00:48Yeah.

00:49It's just a loan.

00:50That's all it is.

00:51That's all a mortgage is, is a loan.

00:52That says, we're going to give you the money, most of the money, to buy your home, because

00:56you probably can't afford to buy it with cash.

01:00Not this guy.

01:01And in return, you are going to pay us back over the course of 30 years, that's a pretty

01:07standard mortgage, a 30 year mortgage, with a little bit of interest.

01:11Let's say I wanted to buy a house that I probably can't afford, but it's like my dream house.

01:18Sure.

01:19Would the monthly payments be bigger or can I still do like lower payments over like 60

01:24years?

01:25That would not work.

01:27What?

01:28Well, I think you're kind of asking the question that led to the 2008 financial housing crisis.

01:35Why can't I just spread it out over forever, and then die, and then I'm done?

01:40The bank is not going to give you a mortgage whose terms are going to let you just die.

01:45The shorter the loan term, the shorter the payout schedule, the more money you will be

01:50paying.

01:51The less interest you'll be paying, and the quicker you will gain equity in your home.

01:57Have you ever heard this term?

01:59Yeah, that's, yeah.

02:01Equity is just ownership over your home.

02:02Yeah.

02:03And a lot of that comes down to how good your credit is, what your income looks like, and

02:09as well as how much money you're willing to put down.

02:13That's the one.

02:14You could also, at any point, I believe, pay off the entirety of your mortgage.

02:19Yeah, so you hit the lotto real quick?

02:21Yeah.

02:22Bang.

02:23You own your home outright.

02:24Am I going to fuck myself if I buy a house that's too expensive?

02:28I think, no, well, the bank probably won't give you a mortgage for a home that they don't

02:35think you can afford.

02:36They should.

02:37Because they don't want you to default on the loan.

02:39I just don't get how people do this.

02:42It's Mickey Mouse money.

02:43What do you mean?

02:44$200,000 down, if it's a million dollar house.

02:47You don't have to buy a million dollar house.

02:49If I want to, I want to.

02:51Let's say you want a million dollar house.

02:52I want one bad.

02:53You want a one million dollar house.

02:55Imagine Beardsley sitting in the back porch, front porch, hanging out, drinking beers and

03:00whistling to people.

03:01Where was this house?

03:03I want to have a bunch of money and live on a porch.

03:06Yeah, well, I want 15 women cupping my balls while I watch Sunday night football.

03:13We all want magical things to happen to us.

03:17If my aunt had a dick, she'd be my uncle.

03:21My advice to you would be to continue to rent, save money so that you can build up credit

03:29and cash so that you can put down your down payment.

03:34There's a lot of unseen costs that come with home ownership.

03:38You've got taxes.

03:39You've got HOA a lot of the time.

03:41There's closing fees that are substantial.

03:43You're going to have to pay to pay for your house.

03:48You're going to have to hire a real estate attorney.

03:50You're going to have to do the contracts.

03:52You're going to have to do the closing fees.

03:54You're going to have to do the house inspection.

03:55You're going to have to do a radon test.

03:57I didn't even know what the fuck radon was.

03:59Someone told me I had to do a radon test.

04:01And I said, you know what?

04:02I don't give a fuck about that.

04:03It doesn't even sound like a real thing.

04:05My next door neighbors did a radon test and the numbers were super high.

04:09And so they told me, bad news.

04:11You got to do a radon test.

04:12And I'm choosing to die from radon poisoning rather than pay for a radon test at this point.

04:18That's what we need to do is have fucking kids that are nasty at sports.

04:21You're right.

04:22Let's have children to solve our financial woes.

04:25That sounds like the right strategy.

04:27You're not giving me much hope here.

04:29There is hope.

04:30Fucking rodon poisoning?

04:32The Federal Reserve controls interest rates, which is the percentage that banks can make

04:39on money they loan people like Dana Beers.

04:42Yes.

04:43We've been in a time of pretty bad inflation lately.

04:47But it sort of seems like maybe that might head in the right direction.

04:52I'm not saying that, but hopefully as inflation cools, the Federal Reserve will lower interest

05:02rates to encourage people to spend and buy more homes.

05:06Do you think the cavemen were fucking happier when the money didn't exist?

05:11No, because even though they didn't have to worry about mortgage payments when they went

05:15out to capture a raccoon for dinner, there was a high likelihood that they were going

05:21to get mauled by a saber-toothed tiger.

05:24But they didn't have to fucking have interest rates up their dickhole.

05:28Oh, shoot.

05:29Papa Dana's been gone for an hour.

05:32He must be dead.

05:34He certainly didn't get distracted by Best Buy and the surround sound speakers.

05:42He's been mauled by a fucking saber-toothed tiger.

05:47You're right.

05:48They didn't have buff chick calzones either.

05:50I think you're going to be fine.

05:52I hope so.

05:53I think it's just about continuing to bet on yourself and believe on yourself.

05:57Try to grow your income.

05:59And that over time, you will buy a house.

06:01It may not be on the cliffs of Cohasset.

06:04Cohasset.

06:05Yeah, that's where the house is.

06:06Very expensive.

06:07That's a fucking porch.

06:09That's going to be the house you buy when you're 45 or 50.

06:12Really?

06:13Probably.

06:14All right.

06:15I can wait it out until then.

06:16You're going to have a starter home.

06:17You ever heard of a starter home?

06:18Oh, I've heard of a starter home.

06:19Starter home.

06:20I'll start a home.

06:21I'll be a starter home.

06:22You've got a couple of babies, and as they become toddlers, you build some bunk beds.

06:26So it's a three bedroom, but the kids are happy.

06:28They're bunking.

06:29Yeah.

06:30We're going to Quincy Middle School, boys.

06:32That's mortgages.

06:33I feel probably worse, but it's good to be educated.

06:36Sorry to hear that.

06:37It's all right.

06:38Thank you, Francis.

06:39Good luck.

Category

Transcript

Be the first to comment

Recommended