- 3 weeks ago
A man steals a front loader and evades police; a mother flees from the police holding a baby; officers chase a man in a stolen mail truck.
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LearningTranscript
00:00Honestly, I didn't come here to hear all that.
00:15I don't know what to do.
00:16Addiction doesn't go away.
00:18I can't take this.
00:19Just be there.
00:21You know what?
00:21I can't deal with this kid.
00:22He doesn't want to help himself.
00:24You could support me and love me.
00:26That's all I need.
00:27Me being here in this particular thing, that's a miracle.
00:32F***ing dick, man.
00:42For a lot of inmates, jail is a revolving door.
00:46F***ing dick, man.
00:48We've learned that inmates without any family support are more likely to return to jail.
00:54Turn around, put your hands behind your back.
00:55I'm scared.
00:57I regret doing this.
01:09You need some change or there is no more support after this.
01:14Enough is enough.
01:19Lock it in now!
01:20I'm in prison with violent convicted criminals.
01:24You have to set yourself in war zone mentality.
01:27F***ing dick, man.
01:30I'm going to go into a panic attack and need to be at the hospital.
01:39This is your lifeline.
01:40This is the person who's going to help you stay out of jail.
01:44For these inmates, this is their last chance.
01:47This is the opportunity to mend that broken bond and prove to their family members that they're going to get it right this time.
01:54You have to get it together, man.
01:56You have to get it together, man.
01:58Like, you are my heart, Dallas.
02:08This is my last chance with you, to be honest.
02:10You want to be the cause of death for your mom, you know what I mean?
02:13You f***ing lying to me.
02:14I don't know how much more I can get.
02:30Having handcuffs on, it feels kind of humiliating.
02:35My name is Rick Sampson.
02:37I live in New Hampshire.
02:39It's the live free or die state.
02:41And treated like a criminal.
02:42I mean, I'm willing to come here and give away all my freedom
02:46to see if my son Darren's ready to give up drugs and ready to come back to his family.
02:51One on board.
02:53With drug abuse, he's not my son.
02:55He's more like a monster.
03:002017, Darren was charged with manslaughter.
03:04His girlfriend overdosed and died from heroin.
03:06So he went to jail for approximately two years.
03:10And now he's in for violating his parole and drug abuse.
03:25When I first met my wife, Darren was three and a half.
03:29And so he is my stepson.
03:32I fell instantly in love with Darren when I saw him.
03:35He was such a cute little boy, smiling all the time.
03:37And he would say, Daddy, can we play wiffle ball?
03:42Can we do frisbee?
03:44Can we go do this or that?
03:47And the joy I felt being with him.
03:50It was the best decision I made in my entire life to be a father to Darren.
03:55Take the cuff off and put your hand in front of it.
03:59Good.
04:00Same with you.
04:01Oh, my shoulders.
04:02I have a religious background.
04:05And I believe the more good you do out in the community, the more likely God's going to bless you.
04:10I'm grateful, Jesus, for your miraculous power.
04:14In Jesus' name, amen.
04:16Richard.
04:17Do you have any tattoos?
04:22No.
04:23Religion preference?
04:25Christian.
04:27All right, do me a favor.
04:28Go stand on the white feet.
04:29Look over at the camera, please.
04:31Darren and I have clashed over religion since he was a teenager.
04:36If he wasn't for what I believed, then I disconnected.
04:41Turn face that way?
04:42So at 13, I told him I wasn't his biological dad.
04:45He was very devastated.
04:47I believe it was the catapult for him to start using drugs.
04:51All right, you can go with him, please.
04:53His drug use escalated from pot and pills to heroin.
04:58Good, you can step up.
04:59He wasn't concerned about being a son, father.
05:03He was more in love with his drugs.
05:05And that's what caused me to really disassociate with him.
05:08Turn to 130, shoot, then roll it over to the next.
05:11When Darren was 35, he got married.
05:14His wife died from complications during childbirth, and he drifted so far from us.
05:20For the next 10 years, we didn't even know if he was alive or dead.
05:23Until he was in the newspaper and on the news, because the girlfriend overdosed on heroin and died.
05:33So Darren went to jail.
05:36And after that, he wanted to come to our house.
05:39But he came there to get clean, and I found syringes.
05:44And that was it for me.
05:47Last time I spoke in with Darren was seven months ago.
05:51You're good?
05:53You can do the jurgens and exactly as before.
05:56I would like Darren back in my life because I want to see my son back.
06:00And I want to know that he's going to quit drugs and do everything in his power to quit drugs by getting all the support and help that he needs.
06:08Darren, if you decide to be a drug addict, the family won't be there for you.
06:18All right, we're going to come grab yourself.
06:21If you get out there and that's all you want to do, we're not going to be part of your life.
06:26This is it.
06:27We're going to be part of your life.
06:57My name's Darren Sampson.
06:58Currently, I'm here for a violation of probation for a manslaughter charge that was an overdose and possession and distribution of heroin.
07:10My dad's going to be here tomorrow.
07:13How old is he?
07:14Probably five or something.
07:16Somewhere around there.
07:18My father, Rick, he was always my father.
07:21He was really like outdoorsy, kind of.
07:24We really liked hiking.
07:25We had some real fun times back then.
07:29I think the rift with my parents started when Rick got into religion.
07:34We were in a strict church and he was like all God and Bible based.
07:40When I was 17, I started dating this girl.
07:43It was like my first serious relationship.
07:45Shortly after that, she ended up pregnant.
07:46So my parents just cut me off.
07:50That was it.
07:52So I got into drugs and my dad stopped talking to me around there.
07:56After that, I was on my own.
07:58I met my wife when I was around 30, around that time.
08:10We were married pretty soon after that and then she became pregnant.
08:15With the cops, he's real talented.
08:18One night around Christmastime, she had a headache.
08:23So I brought her to the hospital.
08:25They cetated her.
08:27They did emergency C-section for my son and she passed away.
08:31It hit me real hard.
08:35So I dove right into drugs.
08:38Honestly, heroin is just an escape.
08:42That's all it is.
08:43It's, you know, I don't want to deal with the world.
08:46I want to go somewhere else.
08:48My father's reaction to me using drugs, I have no clue because we don't talk like that.
08:54Yo!
08:54Yeah, I drew all this stuff.
08:57Now I can just, like, almost draw anything.
08:59They never had any, like, guidance, no help.
09:02Like, I feel like I missed all that kind of stuff growing up.
09:06They got my dad's here.
09:07I'm thrilled that he's here.
09:10I really hope that this is some kind of sign that he wants to be a supportive, like, role model.
09:16I definitely need support and help when I get out of here.
09:24Coming into here is a big step of faith for me because it's unpredictable.
09:36The behaviors are radical.
09:41Could be a chance I could get stabbed, punched in the face, kicked, whatever.
09:47But I'm here because I love my son.
09:49Walking in, eyes were on me like a new kid in the classroom.
10:18It can get crazy in here, you know.
10:22Rule number one, head on a swivel.
10:24People are in here for a reason.
10:26They're going to try to get over on you.
10:31You're uncertain if somebody's going to come up behind you.
10:34Okay.
10:41Because it is a dangerous place.
10:44It's not a place you really want to be in.
10:45They're trying to intimidate me by the loudness.
10:58Trying to see if I'm going to break and be a little baby.
11:01Gentlemen, we're getting started with the rest of time.
11:11All of the rules are being free.
11:13Everybody knows the rules.
11:14Don't act like you don't.
11:16So this is open our turn, right?
11:18The hardest thing is taking that first step out of the cell.
11:25Inmates everywhere doing this and that.
11:28You're kind of hesitant because you're safe in your cell.
11:31I mustered up the courage.
11:33I'm ready to go out there.
11:35I'm being bold and confident in you, Father God.
11:38I walk very cautiously because I have to.
11:45I'm not outside.
11:46I'm in this place where there are criminals.
11:53It's scary.
11:54I just boldly went over there and said,
12:06if they beat me up, they beat me up.
12:08God bless.
12:10Bless God.
12:12Not good.
12:13Not here.
12:14Not here.
12:15I don't have a problem with you.
12:33I love you guys.
12:35And I can look you in the eyes and say,
12:36as men, you are the army of God.
12:39As men, God has a destiny for you.
12:42You even know you're in this prison?
12:44You can free yourself.
12:50Oh, I signed to go in?
12:54Okay.
12:55I don't want to miss the routine.
12:56I'll get in trouble.
12:58Talking to the men, scary.
13:00But I did step out in faith.
13:02Luckily, it didn't cause any problems.
13:03But who knows?
13:05Doing the wrong thing in the jail could get you killed.
13:09Looking for your angels and diminishing spirits here, Lord.
13:14Hi there.
13:25I'm here to see Darren Samson.
13:27Okay.
13:28It's now 26.
13:30Great.
13:31Well, tell me a little bit about you.
13:41Why are you here?
13:43My friend OD'd.
13:45And they charged me for that.
13:48So were you doing drugs too?
13:50Oh, yeah, yeah.
13:51Drugs have been part of your life, it seems like.
13:53Um, yeah, but it weren't like a real problem until my wife died at the end of 2012.
14:01How did she die?
14:02Uh, complications of pregnancy.
14:05Man, I'm so sorry.
14:07To your wife, that wasn't about drugs, was it?
14:09No, no.
14:10That's when I lost it and I just dove into heroin, like headfirst.
14:14I still, I still love her, you know.
14:17So did the baby survive?
14:19Yes, my son, he's fine.
14:21And how old is he?
14:2211, I think.
14:23So are you in his life at all?
14:25Not, not at this time, no.
14:26I haven't seen him since, uh, 2016.
14:31So where did the riff begin with your father?
14:34When I was younger, they were into the church, like, heavily.
14:38My father would kind of take care of strangers, um, better than us.
14:44So.
14:45That's part of his, uh, Christian missionary stuff.
14:47Yeah, he'd, like, give everything he had.
14:50Is that one of the things you're kind of resentful of, that charity didn't begin at home?
14:55Uh, yeah, yeah.
14:58How did your mother and father react to your wife dying?
15:05Were they there for you for that?
15:06Uh, not really, so.
15:09Well, how does, how does that feel?
15:12Your father wasn't involved after your wife died.
15:17Why the hell do you want him here?
15:19I want to give a chance.
15:21And I want to try and reconcile our relationship.
15:25You want to reconcile?
15:28Yes.
15:28One of the things is I want to get away from this general area.
15:31I was just living up there with them in New Hampshire.
15:34What are your very specific plans for staying off of heroin?
15:39Staying off of heroin, yes.
15:41Because I'm, I'm technically, I'm on Suboxone right now.
15:45So I am completely okay with, with being on Suboxone.
15:49Okay.
15:49And possibly abusing it once in a while.
15:54And that's, and I'm just being honest here.
15:56I'm glad, I'm glad you're being honest.
15:57I'm trying to actually be honest.
15:59I'm glad you're being honest.
16:00Yeah.
16:00Darren has had some devastating things happen in his life, but this plan of using Suboxone
16:09in a way that is not therapeutic, it's just not going to work.
16:13All it's going to do is really make that a gateway to now going from Suboxone, abusing that,
16:22to getting back into heroin and other drugs.
16:26That pain that you're holding inside of you is eating you up alive.
16:31But it's okay.
16:35It's okay to let it out, brother.
16:37No.
16:38Not here.
16:38It's all.
16:38No.
16:39Listen, you can't medicate it away.
16:42You've got to work through it.
16:44I know.
16:55Rick.
16:55Hill.
16:56How you doing?
16:57Good.
16:57My name's unit manager Devine.
16:59I'm going to take you over here into one of the offices.
17:01Sounds good.
17:01Come on over.
17:07Just have a seat right here.
17:10Hi, Rick.
17:11So I'm kind of here to just clear any kind of questions up that you may have.
17:15I've seen you haven't visited him at all.
17:16Yeah.
17:17I wasn't ready to even come face to face with Darren.
17:21Since he's been in here, he has been caught a couple times with drugs in his possession.
17:26K2, which is synthetic marijuana, he was found with the K2 during a shakedown in his cell.
17:35Guys are getting their hands on it where there's some other chemical substances in there that are not just a drug.
17:40Right.
17:41But there's some other stuff involved that you don't want to be putting inside your body.
17:44You know, it looks like he had a dirty urine as recently as February.
17:49I honestly thought him being in here, the reason why I'm here now because he's clear-headed, because he hasn't gotten any drugs.
17:57He can't get drugs.
17:58He can't get heroin.
17:59Yep.
17:59But obviously, he might be not clear-headed.
18:01Where he's at now, he's a long way from being completely self-sufficient.
18:06He's going to get out of here.
18:07I mean, you know, the problem is, they've been a little more sober in here.
18:11When they go try to use the same amount or the same thing they were doing, body's not used to it.
18:16He may not make it back in here.
18:18He could overdose.
18:20I thought I was serious before, but now it just got deeper for me.
18:25In my experience, that drug addiction is going to kill him.
18:29Okay.
18:29It's hard.
18:30It hurts.
18:32It's a wake-up call for me.
18:33That's my little boy.
18:38That's my son.
18:41For me to come in here and hear the truth, it hurts as a father, but it also hurts because I never got involved.
18:52It's never too late.
18:53There could be a chance for Darren to rehabilitate.
18:58That's why I'm here now.
19:03I had a lot on my mind last night thinking about my son Darren, what I'm going to say.
19:30Yeah, I didn't sleep too good so loud in here, light from outside the window, people constantly talking.
19:40The bed's not designed for comfort, it's a torture machine.
19:44This is an environment that I'd never experienced before, and it is difficult.
19:53And it is stirring me up in many ways that I didn't think I was going to get stirred up.
20:01As a parent, for any child that's addicted to drugs of any kind, you've got to be involved to some measure.
20:08You can't just not be part of it, that's your child.
20:14I did nothing.
20:18I love my son.
20:21It doesn't matter if he's 41, in my heart.
20:24He's still in my little boy.
20:31He's still in my little boy.
21:00It's been about seven months since I've seen my dad.
21:03Him being here is kind of a huge thing for me because I was already thinking about going back to New Hampshire.
21:10At least the area that my family's in.
21:13What happens here while my dad is here will definitely change how that factors in.
21:17Because right now, on the outside, I barely have any friends.
21:22There's just no one from my old life that still wants to be in contact with me.
21:27So, like, my family's pretty much all I have.
21:30But I don't know what it's going to take to try and fix the relationship with my dad.
21:38Going into this meeting with Darren, I need to hear,
21:41Dad, I'm going to do it.
21:42I'm 100% in.
21:45Nothing's going to stop me.
21:47I'm going to be relentless.
21:49I'm going to hate these drugs.
21:51And I'm just going to love my family, love my kids.
21:54And if he can tell me any measure of that,
21:57that will be the beginning.
22:00But if he isn't serious about this,
22:02he's not getting another chance.
22:04Why are you crying?
22:15Why are you crying?
22:16Why are you crying?
22:18I think we need to sit down.
22:24I know you're going to want to hold me forever.
22:25I know.
22:30It's crazy that you came in here and I was crazy.
22:33It is.
22:34You're my first son.
22:36You don't want to go visiting your son in jail.
22:39You want to go visiting your son at his house or his apartment.
22:43Gentlemen.
22:43Yeah.
22:44Good to see you both.
22:46How's everything going?
22:47Good, good.
22:48So let's get right to it.
22:51All right.
22:52What are some of the major issues in your relationship?
22:57Religion.
22:58Religion.
22:58Yeah.
22:59All right, so let's talk about it.
23:00It felt like you cared more about the people at the church than us.
23:05And specifically you.
23:07Yeah.
23:08Yes.
23:09I neglected him.
23:11We had a little contact.
23:12We had a little contact at one point.
23:14So a lot of conflicts over the years, Rick, drug use and so on.
23:23That's just not your thing at all.
23:26At one point, your son came to live with you.
23:30What happened?
23:31Well, your mother didn't ask me.
23:33For me, when you did come, I thought you would have been better to be in a place where they're
23:40trained and understand what you need for help.
23:44And when you went there, had you been off of the drugs?
23:48Yeah.
23:49Yeah.
23:49Okay.
23:49So then what the hell happened?
23:52Well, it started off slowly with going out to drink.
23:56Eventually, he had a girlfriend that he would start bringing up to New Hampshire.
24:01And then they had a tent outside.
24:03There was a bag.
24:04And I noticed there were seven syringes out there.
24:08How did that go over with the family?
24:10I didn't tell anyone because, because I don't know what to do.
24:23And so I just disconnected more.
24:30There's no excuse, Darren.
24:35Let's talk a little bit about your plan for rehab.
24:40Are you going to do a 12-step program?
24:42No, not at all.
24:44Why not?
24:44Anytime I go to any kind of therapy, AA, anything, I just meet people that want to use drugs.
24:51Okay.
24:53And what about the suboxone?
24:56Do you know what suboxone is?
24:58No, not really.
24:59Suboxone, it allows you to not have the withdrawal and to not have the high that comes with taking
25:08the drug.
25:08So, when I first came out, there's going to be times where I want to get high.
25:13And I'd rather abuse the suboxone a little.
25:16You know what I mean?
25:16Instead of going and trying to use something else.
25:20See, I don't understand that.
25:22Because anything abused is bad.
25:23All right?
25:24But I'm not going to pretend that I'm not going to get high once in a while.
25:29Because I'm going to get pissed off.
25:31I'm going to have problems.
25:32Honestly, I didn't come here to hear all that.
25:34There is something else.
25:34Yes, there is other coping methods.
25:36I'm not saying there's not.
25:37If you really want to do it, there's something you can do inside you.
25:40We can't talk about this.
25:42That's why I came to the house in the first place.
25:43We couldn't do nothing for you there.
25:45We couldn't do nothing.
25:46We're not trained.
25:47You could support me and love me.
25:49That's all I need.
25:51I can't take this.
25:53It's showing me a place that I am triggered.
25:55It's that overwhelming.
25:56You could support me and love me.
26:04That's all I need.
26:06I can't take this.
26:07It's showing me a place that I am triggered to the point that I can feel the weight of it.
26:13And this right now is really pushing me.
26:15But here's the thing.
26:16And being pushed is good.
26:18Just be there.
26:19But he is here now.
26:20I know he is here now.
26:21But this is like the only time he's been here ever.
26:24I'm trying to be honest.
26:25That's all I'm trying to be.
26:26I think we're at an impasse here.
26:28Yeah.
26:28Do you have any regrets?
26:30Of course.
26:31Of course.
26:32There's just nothing I can do about it now.
26:34I have a homework assignment for you, Darren.
26:36All I want you to think about is when you have the need to get high because of some frustration.
26:43Yeah.
26:43There is coping messes and stuff.
26:45Yes.
26:45I want you to think about that.
26:47Mm-hmm.
26:48And I want you to bring that back tomorrow.
26:50And let's discuss that.
26:52But I do have to ask one last thing.
26:57Whether you've been completely clean while you're here.
27:02No.
27:03You have not been.
27:04No.
27:04Okay.
27:05I'm a loss for words.
27:09It bothers you.
27:10Honestly, I didn't come here to hear all that because it's just overwhelming all this.
27:13I know, but your son needs for you to be brave.
27:16You made it this far.
27:18Me being here in this particular thing, that's a miracle.
27:22This is a miracle.
27:23It is a miracle.
27:25This is part of your healing.
27:29Your homework assignment.
27:31I need for you to be present for your son.
27:33It's the next step in your healing, and it's the next step in his healing.
27:39Good work.
27:40To be continued.
27:42All right.
27:42All right?
27:56Every time I think I've been through something hard, boy, I get challenged.
27:59Meeting with Dr. Jeff was very intense, extremely emotional.
28:05Here, I'll go first, so I can make sure I know what's going on.
28:12Hey, you guys want to meet my dad?
28:14Good guy there, man.
28:16Good guy.
28:17We must have made for a while.
28:18All right.
28:19Even though me and Darren went through something really tough through the therapy session.
28:24You got to scan me?
28:25Yeah, you got to scan him at least.
28:27I felt like we were a father and son.
28:30I felt like we belonged together.
28:33Oh, lucky seven.
28:34I was six downstairs, wherever I was.
28:36I'm right above you.
28:38Yo, pop seven.
28:40Yeah, I just know you're in there and do whatever you got to do.
28:42When I got it, it doesn't matter.
28:45How you doing, man?
28:46Jose?
28:46Jose, nice to meet you.
28:48Jose, Rick.
28:48Great.
28:49Nice to meet you.
28:51Obviously, we don't see eye to eye with most things, but seeing my dad in here, it's kind
28:56of fantastic that this happened.
28:58This is actually a nicer unit than the other one, I think.
29:02This one, yeah, it might look nice, but it's like the worst one to live in.
29:06Like, half these people are in gangs.
29:09They're all gang bangers.
29:11They gave me two sheets.
29:22I definitely need one of those when you leave, all right?
29:24So, listen, there's a pod downstairs that's the hole, like, solitary.
29:32Yeah.
29:32These toilets connect down there, and people rip those sheets up and fish.
29:38They can send stuff back and forth.
29:40Oh, geez.
29:40That's why there's, like, no sheets ever.
29:43The stuff that goes on in a jail.
29:45I know.
29:45It's crazy, right?
29:46Amazed.
29:47Yeah.
29:47I mean, you'd think that they would not have the hole directly below the substance abuse
29:53unit, but they're kind of asking for it.
29:58All right.
29:58So, they're about to lock us down.
29:59Okay.
29:59These vents all connect, so if you really want, you can yell up there, and I'll be up there.
30:05All right?
30:06Yeah.
30:07Yeah.
30:09I'm going to shut the door.
30:13Never thought I'd be in a jail with my son.
30:17I'm going, I'm going, I'm going.
30:19I'm going.
30:29After a meeting with Darren, the plan he gave me, I'm not satisfied with it.
30:47To me, it's too unstable.
30:49And so, I'm hoping somehow, before I leave here, that I could change his mind to have
30:54a better plan with better goals that are more beneficial for him and for his family.
30:58How do you like it here?
31:00What do you think about all this?
31:01Oh, this cell is the best cell ever.
31:04I got two rolls of toilet paper.
31:06And even though I got a short window, I want to be able to try to touch a place of his heart
31:09that I can get from him by tomorrow, a full, complete commitment that he wants to recover
31:14fully, without any hesitation.
31:18I came here for you because our family.
31:28I'm here because our family wants you to know that we love you.
31:32I know everyone loves me.
31:33I know.
31:34I know.
31:35When I go back to them tomorrow, they're going to be asking me all kinds of questions about
31:39you.
31:40What am I supposed to tell them?
31:43I honestly don't know.
31:45Tell them I'm doing fine right now.
31:47They're going to ask me, has Darren got any plans, any idea?
31:50Yeah.
31:50Any goals?
31:52I don't want to make any more plans there.
31:56Darren, if you go back to getting high all the time, we won't be there for you.
32:00It's not going to work.
32:02Yeah.
32:04Next 24 hours, what I need to see is a father from my son, a willingness to go further and
32:10deeper.
32:11I don't want to even want to leave here with him partially or half-heartedly in.
32:14I want him to be all in.
32:16I want another chance.
32:17I know.
32:17So do I.
32:18We all do.
32:18If I'd be patient with me, as I would be patient with you.
32:21And I think we can do this.
32:23Yeah, we think we can do that.
32:24You think we can do this?
32:24You're doing too much for me.
32:26I can't take you seriously.
32:27I'm trying to get that boy out that laughed all the time.
32:29It was on my shoulders.
32:31Because I got every picture of you.
32:33You know, every picture.
32:34I honestly didn't know you still have one.
32:35Yes, I do.
32:36I wouldn't be a hero if it wasn't real.
32:38This is real.
32:39All right, let's head over.
33:00All right.
33:02Do the work.
33:03Darren, how are you, buddy?
33:08All right.
33:09Good to see you today, man.
33:11Have a seat.
33:12This is the last time I'll be meeting with the two of you.
33:16And I've got to ask you a question, Rick.
33:20Were you available to your son when his wife passed away?
33:25No, I wasn't.
33:26How did that feel?
33:33You seem very alone right now.
33:37I don't know.
33:37I'm so used to it.
33:38I don't know what to say.
33:40Rick, you want to address that?
33:41In retrospect, I should have been here.
33:45I was more obsessed with memorizing the whole Bible.
33:49More obsessed with trying to go do good for other people.
33:52And put them ahead, a priority of my own family or my own son.
33:59Why were you so obsessed with it?
34:01Because I had a lot of self-hatred.
34:05And then it brought me to a place where I felt forgiven.
34:09And that feeling that forgiven was like a drug.
34:12And I got addicted to it.
34:15Do you know what your dad means by self-hate?
34:19I know what it feels like.
34:21What does it feel like for you?
34:23It's just, it's really hard to like, um, respect yourself.
34:27And then like, you know, things happen to you and you feel like they're supposed to, like bad things.
34:34I want to come back to that.
34:35But can you tell your son why you hated yourself?
34:43My dad, from when I was born, would beat me and verbally abuse me.
34:49I thought if my dad hates me that much.
34:58Yeah, I know that, yeah.
34:59I feel like I'm not worth nothing.
35:01I feel like I have no value than my own father could do that to me.
35:08And so I went through life hating myself.
35:17I didn't know about the self-hatred.
35:20I didn't know we actually had some similarities in the way we felt.
35:25I had no clue.
35:26I thought we were absolute different ends of the spectrum.
35:29It's interesting that you became addicted to religion to deal with your trauma.
35:35And you became addicted to heroin to deal with your trauma.
35:42Well, I really want to wrap it up with us by coming up with a plan.
35:49So let's start with you, Darren.
35:52I'm definitely getting anywhere away from Springfield and Holyoke.
35:56Okay.
35:57How does this sound so far to you?
35:59Very good.
36:00So far, so good.
36:01100% good, yes.
36:02What else did you come up with, Darren?
36:05So obviously, I'm going to stay in my opioid treatment meds.
36:08Okay.
36:09The Suboxone.
36:10One of the things that you brought up, you said you were going to abuse the Suboxone every once in a while.
36:18What about that plan?
36:21I'm just saying that's okay with me if that happens.
36:24It's not something I want to do.
36:26Great.
36:27You don't want to do it.
36:28Okay.
36:29Because you said that's what you were going to use as an alternative, but now you're saying you have other alternatives.
36:34Mm-hmm.
36:35Okay.
36:3612-step program, are you thinking about that?
36:38No, I...
36:40I...
36:40Don't close the door on a 12-step program.
36:43That's all I'm asking.
36:44Okay?
36:46Do you think you can stop using in here right now?
36:49Um...
36:49I don't think it's going to happen right away, but I will try.
36:54So now we know.
36:57What do you think, Rick?
36:58You know what?
36:58I can't deal with this kid.
37:00He doesn't want to help himself.
37:01I don't know what to do.
37:03About what?
37:04Addiction doesn't go away.
37:05It's ridiculous.
37:13You know what?
37:14I can't deal with this kid.
37:15He doesn't want to help himself.
37:17I don't know what to do.
37:18About what?
37:19Addiction doesn't go away.
37:21It's ridiculous.
37:23Can you be there for him when he's released from here and starts his journey into wellness?
37:30I can only be honest.
37:37It's hard because I need to see the action.
37:41I want you to be working on getting clean.
37:45And if he doesn't do it?
37:46I don't think it's going to work out.
37:48He's put his family through a lot with his drug abuse.
37:52And so this is the last straw.
37:54I need you to be the man, the loving man, the son that I want you to be.
38:01Not as a drug addict.
38:01I need you as my father.
38:04All right, guys.
38:06Good luck.
38:06I still have some doubts because Darren can be deceiving and he could lie.
38:20And if he starts getting back to drugs, I don't want to live that life with him.
38:28As he expects results from me, I expect results from him and I'm going to hold him to that.
38:34And it's not going to be easy.
38:35Because this is a matter of life or death.
38:51It's my last peanut butter milkshake in here.
38:54Yo, that's your favorite s***.
38:56Are you anxious?
38:58Nah, I just want to get the s*** out of here.
38:59Yeah, good luck, bro.
39:01I've been here 13 months, six months since my dad's been here, ready to go home.
39:08Do good, though.
39:08Yeah, I will.
39:09A lot of people that get out, they don't make it.
39:12s*** is dying out there, bro.
39:14Nah, I know, I know.
39:14It's just no joke.
39:16I'm done with all this s***.
39:17Get out of here, bro.
39:18Good.
39:19I made my vows today and I'm ready to stay sober once I get out of here.
39:24All right.
39:24Sobriety-wise, I started to do a meditation and yoga.
39:32It definitely helps is a coping mechanism.
39:35As far as recovery-wise, I'm going to try and find somewhere on the outside to do yoga.
39:39Definitely meditate on my own.
39:41I'm out!
39:43Then I'm thinking about volunteering possibly at like a recovery center or something.
39:47I'm feeling great, feeling great, ready to go.
39:56All right, release.
39:58I'm going through this experience with my dad.
40:00One thing I learned that we were both full of self-hatred.
40:05So when I get released, I hope that me and my father can work on our issues, possibly together
40:09and resolve some stuff.
40:10You see your ID bracelet?
40:13And you can work through this and they'll actually be there for me when I need them.
40:17So you're all set.
40:19He's going to take you out.
40:20You are free to go.
40:21All right, thank you.
40:23I'm ready to put this place behind me.
40:25I don't want to ever come back here.
40:29I'm going to feel disappointed if my family's not there for me because without their support,
40:33I don't know if I can do this on my own.
40:35Good luck.
40:47I'm here today to support my son and to be there for him and welcome him home.
40:59I'll be there.
41:00Going through this experience, it showed me that I've got to support him more.
41:04I love you.
41:05I love you too, huh?
41:06Be more emotionally connected with him, understanding and patient with him that he may fall.
41:13And I've got to be there to help him back up and not abandon him.
41:17Woo!
41:18All right, mom, mom, I'm getting it.
41:20Whoa.
41:21If he does falter, to be there quickly to try to get him back on the right path.
41:28You're free.
41:30Hey, Gianni.
41:31And not get upset because he's not perfect and I don't expect him to be perfect.
41:36I'm so glad you're home.
41:38I keep encouraging him because he's very intelligent.
41:40I don't see him not succeeding.
41:43All right, let's go.
41:44Okay.
41:45As long as he keeps focused on what his goals are in life for what he wants.
41:49We got feelings!
41:55Since I've been out, I've been really busy.
41:58We've been doing a lot of family time.
42:00And then I got my job back.
42:01I've been working.
42:02My transition has been very easy.
42:05This is where my family feels great.
42:06I'm very blessed right now.
42:08I've been staying with my sister and my nephew.
42:10It's not far from here.
42:12I'm extremely proud of him that he's putting forth that effort and that he is committed and he is all in.
42:17And having my son back is like having another chance with him.
42:22I mean, I've seen a change in him.
42:24We're getting better at communicating between each other.
42:28The experience that we had together was definitely the seed and we got a little sprout going.
42:33Never wanted to go to jail, but I did it for him.
42:36And I was glad I did, because if I didn't have that experience with Darren, I don't think we'd be sitting here right now.
42:42Oh, definitely not.
42:43I'm just grateful that I have my son back.
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