I Tried to Fix Her... And Lost Myself | DISC 5: Restoration | 411 Podcast🍾Reading Between The Wines (Episode 37)

Name: I Tried to Fix Her... And Lost Myself | DISC 5: Restoration | 411 Podcast🍾Reading Between The Wines (Episode 37)
Uploaded: 2025-07-17T00:57:12+00:00
Duration: 1 h 28 min 4 s
Channel: Lerin Gaines

Lerin Gaines

yesterday

I Tried to Fix Her... And Lost Myself | DISC 5: Restoration | 411 Podcast🍾Reading Between The Wines (Episode 37)

Featuring: Wine Down Wednesday, Mentorship Series

Wednesday | July 16th, 2025

Streaming LIVE on all social media platforms @LERINGAINES

https://leringaines.com
https://linktr.ee/leringaines
https://www.facebook.com/leringaines
http://instagram.com/leringaines
https://www.tiktok.com/@leringaines
http://twitter.com/leringaines
https://www.youtube.com/@leringaines
https://www.twitch.tv/leringaines
https://dlive.tv/LerinGaines
https://dailymotion.com/LerinGaines

Song of The Day: "Guess Who Loves You More" by Raheem DeVaughn
Released 2005 | The Love Experience

Burning Questions: Are you loving from your heart - or are you leading from your need to be needed?

I would love to hear from you! Share your response to tonight's Burning Questions:

Text: (609) 200-1098 | Email: Info@LerinGaines.com

DM on any social media platform @LERINGAINES (Facebook, Instagram, X, TikTok, YouTube, DLIVE, Twitch, DailyMotion)

Sign up for my FREE Monthly Newsletter 'Whispers of Wisdom' for updates, exclusives, and inspiration!

Subscribe now at LerinGaines.com

#Facebook #Instagram #TikTok #X #YouTube #DLIVE #Twitch #DailyMotion #ParentalAdvisory #ExplicitContent #LerinGaines #411Podcast #RBTW #ReadingBetweenTheWines #BurningQuestions #BlackDiamondConsultations #VacationWithMe #WhispersofWisdom #DISC5 #Restoration

DISCLAIMER: The content and information provided by Black Diamond Consultations are intended solely for educational and entertainment purposes. We do not guarantee the accuracy or completeness of the materials, and any reliance you place on them is strictly at your own risk. Our content is not intended to be a substitute for professional advice or judgment. Black Diamond Consultations shall not be liable for any errors or omissions in the educational and entertainment content or for any actions taken based on the information provided.

411 Podcast🍾Reading Between The Wines
DISC 5: Restoration
Track 37: I Tried to Fix Her... And Lost Myself
©️ 2025 Black Diamond Consultations Network
LerinGaines.com

Category

📚

Learning

Transcript

Display full video transcript

00:00:00Music

00:05:29So grab your journal, pour your glass, and prepare to go beyond the surface.

00:05:35Because here, we don't just talk, we transform.

00:05:38And now, here's your guide through it all, entrepreneur, mentor, and founder of Black Diamond Consultations, Laren Gaines.

00:05:46What's going on, what's going on, what's going on, what's going on, what's going on, what's going on?

00:05:51What's going on?

00:05:53Thank you so much.

00:05:54If you are out there, if you could please do me a favor, please smash that like button.

00:05:59I'll you there, like, comment, and do you think so long, what's going to do?

00:06:07I'm going to do it.

00:06:09I want to thank you.

00:06:11I want to first kick this thing off by giving a very special thank you to my executive producer.

00:06:18I want to thank God for giving me another opportunity to come out here and do another show of Reading Between the Wines.

00:06:27We have so much, so much to unpack here.

00:06:31I want to say that we should be back on X.

00:06:37There has been some issues with the streaming network, and I'm actually going to check now while we are streaming live here to make sure that everything is good.

00:06:48But we had some issues with D-Live in the past.

00:06:51We had some issues with X.

00:06:53Listen, I don't know what happens, but in any case, if there's something going on out there and the podcast doesn't show up on your favorite platform, do me a favor and just shoot me a little message.

00:07:08Let me know what's going on.

00:07:09But for some reason, the haters just keep hating.

00:07:14I'm just saying the haters just keep hating.

00:07:18I don't understand why we run into the issues that we run into, but hell, it is what it is.

00:07:23We here.

00:07:24So, yeah, another episode of Reading Between the Wines.

00:07:29I tried to fix her, and I lost myself.

00:07:32This is Dis 5 Restoration, part of the Black Diamond Consultations Mentorship Series, Wind Down Wednesday.

00:07:43I have a special guest coming in tonight, author Birdman313.

00:07:48Happens here on Wind Down Wednesday.

00:07:52But before we get into that, I want to go ahead and do a recap of the last episode.

00:08:00So we helped Miss Ashley from Philly.

00:08:05Shout out to anybody who is in Philly, close to Philly.

00:08:10We're getting close to home.

00:08:12Miss Ashley was a middle school teacher, and it seems like she had an issue when it comes to boundaries.

00:08:21It feels, from what Ashley wrote in, it feels as if every single thing is collapsing all at once.

00:08:34Family, relationships, she even had issues with her body image.

00:08:38And no matter what she had going on, she still felt empty.

00:08:42But here's the thing.

00:08:43After a while, the triggers got the best, and she started to explode and have a meltdown and a breakdown over any little thing and started to question herself about her overreactions.

00:08:56So we posed the question.

00:09:04Do we know how to keep boundaries?

00:09:09And her question to us was, how do I create real boundaries and coping tools so that her triggers don't keep bankrupting her peace and relationships?

00:09:20So here's the thing.

00:09:23When we get into some of these relationships, when we get into some of these situationships, we don't think at the moment.

00:09:32Especially in the beginning.

00:09:34When everything is great, everything is fun, everything is lively, everything is what we, what appears to be amazing in the beginning.

00:09:42And then when the dust settles, and we start to look around and we figure out, this is something that I did not sign up for.

00:09:53Why is it that every little thing is bothering me?

00:09:56Why is it that every little thing is triggering?

00:10:00So we helped out Ashley with some of her trigger points.

00:10:05And if you want to find out more about that, please go ahead and watch that replay.

00:10:09It's available at YouTube.

00:10:11And I'll submit that to anybody out there who's listening.

00:10:15Maybe you are feeling like Ashley was.

00:10:18You took on too much.

00:10:20You jumped into this relationship and you really didn't mean to.

00:10:24And now you're asking yourself, how do you get out?

00:10:26You overcommitted yourself to helping out others when in reality you might need help yourself.

00:10:35Check out that replay.

00:10:36It's available on YouTube.

00:10:37You also can listen to the audio version of the show where you listen to your favorite podcast.

00:10:46For example, we're on Spotify, we're on Amazon Music, we're on Deezer, we're on iHeartRadio, just to name a few.

00:10:55Pocket Cast, just to name a few.

00:10:59Wherever you listen to your favorite podcast, you should be able to listen to 411 Podcasts and read it Between the Wines.

00:11:05And if it's not on the podcast of your choice, just, again, DM me, text me, email me, and we can try to get that set up for you.

00:11:17All right.

00:11:18So here we go.

00:11:19We're going to get into this tonight.

00:11:21Song of the Day, Guess Who Loves You More by Raheem Devon, released in 2005 off of his album, The Love Experience.

00:11:32So, music soul child, he definitely hit us with love.

00:11:37I know y'all remember that song, Love.

00:11:39And he told us that so many people use love's name in vain.

00:11:45His song was dedicated to love.

00:11:49And he says, so many people use your name in vain, love.

00:11:56So many people want you, but they'll nearly lose their life just to get away from you.

00:12:05Now, remember H-Town and Shirley Murdoch.

00:12:10And if you don't remember them when they did Thin Line Between Love and Hate, you might remember the Persuaders because they did it too.

00:12:22People will love you one minute and then they'll hate you the next.

00:12:27So I'll ask you this question here.

00:12:31Is it healthy or is it unhealthy to love someone else more than you love yourself?

00:12:39Remember, some, they will love you one minute and then they'll hate you the next.

00:12:47So I'll ask it again.

00:12:48Is it healthy or unhealthy to love someone else more than you love yourself?

00:12:54Now, Neo and my girl, Mary J. Blige, they break down what love actually is.

00:13:02And according to them, they say it feels like joy.

00:13:07It feels like pain.

00:13:10Feels like sunshine.

00:13:12Feels like rain.

00:13:15An excuse for dying and a reason to live.

00:13:17So I submit this to each and every one of you out there.

00:13:24Check your heartstrings to see how much they are attached to the next.

00:13:29Raheem Devon says, guess who loves you more?

00:13:32Loves you more than what?

00:13:33Do you love them more than you love you?

00:13:37While you're too busy loving them more, my question is, who's loving you?

00:13:44Song of the day.

00:13:46Guess who loves you more?

00:13:47Raheem Devon released in 2005 off of his album, The Love Experience.

00:13:53Track 37.

00:13:54I tried to fix her and I lost myself.

00:13:57I want you to remember that.

00:14:01I want you to think back.

00:14:03Did you try to fix somebody in your past?

00:14:05Are you trying to fix somebody now?

00:14:09Did you lose yourself?

00:14:11Do you feel lost in the moment?

00:14:13Are you caught up in a moment?

00:14:17Welcome on in to Wine Down Wednesday.

00:14:21We're going to go ahead and sample this bottle here.

00:14:27We have a nice little house wine.

00:14:30So when I break down house wine, I'm talking about your traditional.

00:14:35Nothing too expensive.

00:14:37Nothing too over the top.

00:14:38And when I think of brands of house wine, I think of Sutter Home.

00:14:46I think of Behringer.

00:14:48And this one popped on my radar.

00:14:51Gallo Family.

00:14:52So I have Sauvignon Blanc tonight.

00:14:54And of course, you know, it's summertime.

00:14:56So I'm still on the summer kick of the white, the blushes, and the rosés.

00:15:02So I have Gallo Family Vineyard Sauvignon Blanc.

00:15:08This wine is from California.

00:15:11It's produced by the Gallo Family Vineyards.

00:15:13It's part of the E&J Gala Winery in Modesto, California.

00:15:19This is made from 100% Sauvignon Blanc grapes.

00:15:24You're going to get a good average for this bottle here.

00:15:28An average of anywhere between $8 to $10 a bottle.

00:15:31The alcohol content ranges anywhere between $11.5 and $13.

00:15:36We actually got the $13 bottle tonight.

00:15:41The appearance gives you a pale strong with a hint of green.

00:15:49Light, bright.

00:15:51It's like a classic type of wine here.

00:15:54The aromas, I'm taking me a little sniff now here.

00:15:58And it's real bright.

00:16:00It's real.

00:16:03You get, it's a real bright, a real inviting type of aroma.

00:16:10Taste testers have described like honeydew melon, crisp green apple, citrusy type of feel.

00:16:20And this is typical for the California Sauvignon Blanc.

00:16:24Taste testers have described light to medium bodied and dry with juicy honeydew and citrus fruit up front.

00:16:34Crisp acidity keeps the wine refreshing, clean, flinty undertones lingering into a simple but pleasant finish.

00:16:46I like that.

00:16:47This wine pairs perfectly with seafood dishes, shrimps, scallops, clams, grilled or creamy fish.

00:17:00Fresh salads, tangy tomato, pasta, pesto, goat cheese, and its bright acidity complements light herbal or citrus forward foods.

00:17:13A fun fact about this winery here.

00:17:19Gallo is the largest family owned winery in the U.S. founded in 1933.

00:17:23That's a long time.

00:17:24They've been making wine for a long time.

00:17:27Sauvignon Blanc is one of its signature variantals, making quality everyday wines at a great value.

00:17:35So out of the stars between one to five, this wine gets a three.

00:17:41A solid, dependable value Sauvignon Blanc.

00:17:45Refreshing and easygoing, but not particularly layered or overcomplex.

00:17:54And we're going to get into the reviews here.

00:17:57One taste tester says, tart and zesty.

00:18:00It has a fruit flavor of honeydew, melon, citrus, and ripe apple.

00:18:04Again, I've heard honeydew, I've heard apple, I've heard citrus plenty of times tonight.

00:18:11And we haven't even started, so I will see if that lines up exactly like it.

00:18:16Wine searchers users gave it around a 2.5.

00:18:21Describing it as a green, flinty style, and well-suited for casual drinking.

00:18:30An everyday, budget-friendly California Sauvignon Blanc with fresh melon, citrus, and clean acidity.

00:18:37Great for casual entertaining, picnics, or pairing with light seafood and salads.

00:18:41So I want to say cheers, everyone.

00:18:44Thank you so much for joining in on another episode of Reading Between the Wines.

00:18:49I'm going to go ahead and sample this and bring in my special guest, and I'll let you know how this fares up well.

00:18:58Cheers.

00:19:04It definitely is very refreshing.

00:19:06It's light, not too over the top.

00:19:13With 13%, I say you have to be very careful with this wine, especially on a nice sunny day.

00:19:21Because it goes down smooth, it doesn't really have an after bite or after taste that's too out of control.

00:19:30So I know some of these drier wines can do that to you.

00:19:34This is pretty smooth.

00:19:35I say cheers, and this is a great value wine.

00:19:40What's going on, Birdman?

00:19:42How are you?

00:19:43All right.

00:19:44How you doing?

00:19:46You know, like Monica, it's just one of them days.

00:19:51I heard that.

00:19:52I heard that.

00:19:54I'm doing good.

00:19:55I'm doing good.

00:19:57Surviving this crazy weather that we got here.

00:20:01I think you brought the crazy weather over to New Jersey.

00:20:04Oh, yeah.

00:20:05I was thinking about you, man.

00:20:07Yeah.

00:20:08They said it was supposed to be raining again.

00:20:10I know last year around this time, I was leaving work.

00:20:14And the same thing that happened a couple days ago happened back then.

00:20:18And the only way that I could describe it is I thought that I was on a log flume ride at Great Adventure.

00:20:25Wow.

00:20:26Yeah.

00:20:27Yeah.

00:20:28Cars were floating and you couldn't see the sidewalks.

00:20:32Interesting.

00:20:33Well, you know, here in Texas, we're used to it.

00:20:39So, since I moved here, I've gotten used to it because it seems like every two, three years, now there's a hurricane or a flood.

00:20:52So, I've gotten used to it.

00:20:55How do you – okay.

00:20:56So, people who are in where you live, Texas, I think about places like New Orleans.

00:21:02How do you get used to that when every year you know that it could potentially be some type of issue?

00:21:08How does someone get used to that?

00:21:10Hey, the same way you get used to the snow, man.

00:21:14Well, I don't know if I'm used to it.

00:21:17So, I don't like the snow much.

00:21:19You know, well, when I was in Michigan, I lived with that.

00:21:23And I always said that once, you know, I was able to get away from Michigan, I said that was it.

00:21:31And I did go back a couple of times.

00:21:34And like I said, that was it that last time when I broke my kneecap on some ice up there.

00:21:41And I said, you know what?

00:21:44This is crazy.

00:21:45You had to go out there.

00:21:46You got – it's like sitting in the freezer to warm up your vehicle, you know, because they passed a law where you cannot – it used to be you could turn your car on and then run back in your house and wait five minutes.

00:21:59Well, now they passed a law, and they fine you if you do that.

00:22:04So, I said, I don't need that.

00:22:05I just moved back to Texas.

00:22:07And, you know, at the time my mom was living, she was by herself.

00:22:10So, I'll go back where I don't have to worry about the snow, the ice, and all that craziness.

00:22:17So, I just deal with it, man.

00:22:20You know, I just – I have everything that I should have just in case, you know, the stores get shut down.

00:22:27I will have extra stuff.

00:22:31I just prepare myself for it.

00:22:32Okay, so speaking of that, did it get crazy in the stores and stuff out there with all of this going on?

00:22:41Well, we haven't had no bad weather down here.

00:22:44It was like up in the San Antonio – it's not even San Antonio.

00:22:51It was a little bit farther up over from San Antonio.

00:22:55And up in there, you know, the people, they're just – they got caught off guard up there.

00:23:03Up there in Curve Hill, they just got caught off totally off guard because there was no warning, no anything that this storm was coming through.

00:23:14Wow.

00:23:15Well, I feel for the people all over.

00:23:17I know people whose cars have been swept away over here in Jersey, property damage.

00:23:26It was just – I say amazing because I never thought that I would experience anything like that so close to home, too.

00:23:37Wow.

00:23:38But this is the world we live in today, right?

00:23:44Oh, yes.

00:23:44Yes, it is.

00:23:45Most definitely.

00:23:46I feel like this is a sign that we need to get ourselves in a good position and be prepared.

00:23:54Yeah.

00:23:55You know, hey, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:23:58I've been thinking – I've been – several of my friends, especially from my college I went to – because, you know, I told you I went to a Methodist college.

00:24:06And, you know, when I, you know, chat with them on Facebook whenever I go there, a lot of times I don't.

00:24:16But, you know, they – that's what they be saying because a lot of them, quite a few of them, you know, that I talk to now that's still alive as ministers.

00:24:26Mm-hmm.

00:24:27You know, and, you know, and, you know, chit-chatting a little bit about it, you know, or I see messages posts all over, you know.

00:24:36So, and, you know, I'm like, I can agree with you.

00:24:41Yeah, yeah.

00:24:43Yeah, we – okay, so this is reading between the lines tonight.

00:24:46I want everybody to read between the lines.

00:24:49Between the lines, like, get – unless it's time to get things together.

00:24:53So, yeah.

00:24:54Yeah, yeah.

00:24:56Calm before the storm.

00:24:57All right, so we are in the same book.

00:25:03We've been in this book for a minute, Money Hacks, 275 Ways to Decrease Spending, Increase Savings, and Make Your Money Work for You.

00:25:13So can you give me a number?

00:25:15And we're starting anywhere between – let me make sure I get my – we can go from 12 all the way to 200.

00:25:28And 50.

00:25:30No, I'm sorry.

00:25:31I'm sorry.

00:25:31Excuse me.

00:25:32I read that wrong, and I didn't even really sip that much wine.

00:25:38Yeah, okay.

00:25:4012.

00:25:42No, I was right.

00:25:4312 to 250.

00:25:48Okay, yeah, I had it right.

00:25:4912 to 250.

00:25:51What number we got?

00:25:53I'll try 210.

00:25:56210.

00:25:56All right, let's see.

00:25:57Oh, yeah, look at that.

00:25:58210.

00:25:59All right, 210.

00:26:04Let's see.

00:26:08Hack number 235.

00:26:10Put your credit card on ice.

00:26:13Want to make sure no one opens up new credit in your name?

00:26:17It is as easy as requesting a freeze.

00:26:20A credit freeze prevents lenders from checking your credit, which in turn means that no one can use your personal information to open a credit card or take out a loan.

00:26:29You'll still be able to track your credit report, and you'll still be able to track your credit report, and you can still use your existing accounts when your credit card is frozen.

00:26:36Credit brewers used to charge fees every time you wanted to freeze or unfreeze your credit, but now it's free for everyone.

00:26:45To freeze yours, visit each credit brewer's website, which is Equifax, TransUnion, and Experian, to create a free account with each.

00:26:59You'll log into that account whenever you want and make any changes to your freeze status.

00:27:06Remember to unfreeze your profile with each, I don't like this word, brewer, before you apply your new credit.

00:27:16This is one of those money tasks that takes a few minutes to set up but serves you in the long run.

00:27:23You probably don't even apply for new credit that often yourself, so there's no reason to not freeze your credit.

00:27:31So basically, if you're not applying for any credit, and you don't have anything new going on, freeze it so that nobody else can open up a new one.

00:27:41How do you feel about that?

00:27:44That's good.

00:27:45That's good right there.

00:27:46That's a good thing to do if you feel like that.

00:27:51I say that they gave you all of the Equifax, TransUnion, and Experian, but I would also like to add on top, I love to use Credit Karma.

00:28:08I don't know if anybody has heard of Credit Karma, but I think that it's an amazing tool, and you can sign up for Credit Karma and get a good snapshot at your credit score.

00:28:18And then, if you see something that's on there that doesn't look to be appropriate, then you can go to the individual ones and dig down deeper and fix that.

00:28:30So I like that money hack.

00:28:32Put your credit cards on ice, and for anybody out there, I'll give you something extra.

00:28:37Try using Credit Karma.

00:28:40Okay.

00:28:41Yeah, that definitely, listen, it'll open up a lot and let you see some things, and it keeps you good, and it's free, so free credit report.

00:28:54All right, so tonight, we're going to get into this here.

00:28:57Before I even get into asking that, because I'm sure some of us have tried to fix people, and they lost themselves.

00:29:15How do you feel about that title?

00:29:17That, yeah, I had to think about that.

00:29:23But, yeah, that goes on, but I always say you've got to fix yourself first before you talk about fixing somebody else.

00:29:34Yeah, we're going to go on deep tonight.

00:29:36We have Marcus.

00:29:39Marcus is 38, living in Detroit, Michigan.

00:29:42Again, Marcus says, I am a barber, and I'm also a co-owner of a small cigar lounge with my cousin.

00:29:48I've always believed in holding my woman down, but my last relationship taught me the hard way that you can't pour into someone who doesn't want to heal.

00:29:57I was with Amber, who's 33 for two years, beautiful, smart, funny, but emotionally scarred from her past relationships and childhood trauma.

00:30:07At first, I thought I could show her what love really looks like.

00:30:12Stability, respect, consistency.

00:30:14I helped her get her credit right.

00:30:16Look at how much of a coincidence that is.

00:30:20We just spoke about credit, and he says that he helped her.

00:30:24And, listen, I didn't do that.

00:30:25You picked that number that had nothing to do with me.

00:30:27I helped her get her credit right, paid off some of her medical debt, and even helped her get her own apartment after living with her family for years.

00:30:35But the more I gave, the more she pulled away.

00:30:38She accused me of trying to control her when really I just wanted both of us to win.

00:30:44I started to notice a pattern every time life got good, she'd self-sabotage.

00:30:49Random arguments ghosting me for days, then resurfacing like nothing happened.

00:30:54I realized I was financing her healing journey while bankrupting my peace.

00:30:59I love her, but I lost myself trying to fix her.

00:31:01The question is, how does a man heal after giving his best to someone who wasn't ready, and how do I avoid repeating this same cycle again?

00:31:10So I'll take it to the top.

00:31:12Marcus is 38, living in Detroit, Michigan.

00:31:14He says that he is a barber, and he is a co-owner of a small cigar lounge with his cousin.

00:31:20I've always believed in holding my woman down, but my last relationship taught me the hard way that you can't pour into someone who doesn't want to heal.

00:31:28I was with Amber, 33, for two years, beautiful, smart, funny, but emotionally scarred from her past relationships and childhood trauma.

00:31:37At first, I thought I could show her what love really would look like, stability, respect, consistency.

00:31:45I helped her get her credit right, paid off some of her medical debt, and even helped get her own apartment after living with her family for years.

00:31:53But the more I gave, the more she pulled away.

00:31:55She accused me of trying to control her when really I just wanted both of us to win.

00:32:00I started to notice a pattern.

00:32:03Every time life got good, she'd self-sabotage.

00:32:07Random arguments, ghosting me for days, then resurfacing like nothing happened.

00:32:12I've realized I was financing her healing journey while bankrupting my peace.

00:32:18I love her, but I lost myself trying to fix her.

00:32:21How does a man heal after giving his best to someone who wasn't ready, and how do I avoid repeating this same cycle again?

00:32:30All right, Birdman, what do you have for us?

00:32:32Oh, man, this was a complicated one, because every time I read it, I had different thoughts about it.

00:32:41I mean, first of all, he said for two years.

00:32:44And then he said that she had been in a bad relationship, and then, you know, even during her childhood.

00:32:53So he couldn't expect for her to heal after all that.

00:33:02She's been in more difficulties longer than what he was showing her how to get out of it.

00:33:16And you can't, you know what, the one thing I learned, I learned this.

00:33:20You can't change nobody right away.

00:33:23And you can't change nobody unless they want to change themselves.

00:33:29And that was the biggest thing.

00:33:32And I learned that being a drug counselor and alcohol, drug and alcohol counselor, I should say.

00:33:40And that's something I learned.

00:33:42If a person want to change, they will.

00:33:45If they don't want to change, I don't care what you do for them.

00:33:49They're not going to change.

00:33:52So he and then it's funny because I always ask Diana these questions just for just to see what she thought.

00:34:04And she didn't like the word to hold my woman down.

00:34:09And I'm quite sure some women, when a man say, I'm trying to hold you down, they think, oh, you're trying to control me.

00:34:23You're dropping juice.

00:34:24Yeah, but I understand because that's a word that is used.

00:34:34I know a whole lot of guys from the streets use that terminology.

00:34:38Oh, I'm holding my woman down.

00:34:42And I understand what they're really, they're saying is that they helping her.

00:34:49But a lot of females don't like that terminology because it sounds like they try, that person is trying to control them.

00:35:02Hmm.

00:35:04If that makes sense.

00:35:05Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:35:08I know exactly where you're coming from.

00:35:10And, you know, because I mean, like, you know, I've, you know, I've talked with the fellas a lot, man.

00:35:16You know, like, especially, you know, we get through playing, playing ball.

00:35:21We're sitting in the park, chilling, laughing.

00:35:23And you hear a guy say, yeah, man, I'm holding my gal down.

00:35:27And people are like, okay, what you mean you're holding her down?

00:35:34Does it mean that you're holding her back or you're trying to control her?

00:35:40Because really, holding your woman down is a pimp term.

00:35:44I know a lot of people don't understand that, but.

00:35:48You schooling us tonight.

00:35:51No, that is really a pimp term.

00:35:57And a lot of people are not, especially if they haven't heard a lot of people from the streets talk about it, they don't know that.

00:36:06Mm-hmm.

00:36:09Wow.

00:36:10All right.

00:36:15I hope I explained it.

00:36:16I hope, I hope you got an understanding of what I'm saying, though.

00:36:19Yeah, yeah.

00:36:21Let's take it to the top and see if I can do any justice with this.

00:36:25So he's a barber and a co-owner of a small cigar lounge with his cousin.

00:36:31So it sounds like he got his life together for the most part.

00:36:35I'm not trying to say that he's all 100%, but it sounds like he's doing good for himself.

00:36:39If you are a barber and you and your cousin, you're all doing the entrepreneur stuff and you got your own little business, that's good.

00:36:45Now, here, where I come in, where the younger version of me knows better than the older version.

00:36:55And I'm going to give you all an example of Jacob and Esau because Jacob is the younger one.

00:37:02Esau is older.

00:37:03And sometimes the younger one knows better than the older.

00:37:08Okay?

00:37:09So you got to fight that, too, because that Jacob and Esau is within us.

00:37:13Jacob is the younger version of yourself.

00:37:15Esau is the older version.

00:37:16And just because you're older don't mean that you know much.

00:37:19So here we go with him trying to, and when I say younger version of myself, the person that I am today, the older version, I would have been doing exactly what Marcus was doing.

00:37:33But the younger version of myself knows that you got to align with people who are financially on the same page with you.

00:37:40They don't have to be exactly there on the right point.

00:37:44But he's aligning himself with Amber, who clearly is not aligned financially.

00:37:49And the reason why is because he has his business together and has his entrepreneur stuff going on.

00:37:54But he's running around here paying her bills.

00:37:58You're not financially aligned with somebody if you're paying bills for them and cleaning things up for them.

00:38:03They have to need to do it for themselves.

00:38:06So change like you were speaking about.

00:38:09No, you can't change somebody.

00:38:10They have to do it for themselves.

00:38:12That comes to handling your finances, too.

00:38:14And I know you said, and Diana said she doesn't like the term holding, you know, tried to hold his woman down.

00:38:24You're absolutely right.

00:38:26That's wrong because that's a sign of him being like the cash provider.

00:38:32And my girl, Mary J, has a song called Good Woman Down.

00:38:40And she says you can't hold a good woman down.

00:38:42So I can see why Diana doesn't like that term.

00:38:45I get that.

00:38:49And then who was the rapper group that had the song?

00:38:53And they said, was that Grand Master Flash or something?

00:38:59Can't hold me down or something like that?

00:39:02I'm thinking that it was.

00:39:03Yeah, that's where that comes to mind.

00:39:04So whether it's a man or a woman doing it, hold yourself down.

00:39:09Don't let it.

00:39:10Well, actually, you know what?

00:39:11Let me take that back because we shouldn't be holding ourselves down anyway.

00:39:14We need to be uplifting ourselves.

00:39:16So we're just going to move past that term of holding down.

00:39:21Yes.

00:39:22Because either way, it could subconsciously keep us in the cycle.

00:39:29So now he's feeding into this girl.

00:39:32She's beautiful.

00:39:32She's smart.

00:39:33She's funny and all that great stuff.

00:39:35Yeah, all of that great stuff.

00:39:36We all see that.

00:39:37That's the outer appearance.

00:39:38I get that.

00:39:39But what he failed to mention or not failed to mention, but failed to put the brakes on is the past relationship issues and the childhood trauma.

00:39:51And I think you said something that it was only two years that they've been together.

00:39:57So we don't know what the childhood trauma is.

00:40:00You're a child from what age to whatever.

00:40:02That's a long time.

00:40:03We don't know what the issue was.

00:40:05So you think you're really going to fix somebody in two years?

00:40:07First of all, you can't fix anybody anyway.

00:40:09But you think the problems are going to be solved within two years?

00:40:14And see, like I said, she feels, you know, and every time he do something for her because of her past, every time he do something for her, he may be doing it out of the goodness of his heart.

00:40:30But she's looking at, are you trying to control me?

00:40:33If you're trying to control me by doing all these things or you won't let me do these things on my own to learn how to do these things and to, you know, maintain them myself.

00:40:47My mentor says, be very careful of people who are quick to do stuff for you like that when it comes to money and stuff.

00:40:57And it's that codependency and they'll get you right exactly where they want you.

00:41:03And then they do the 180 on you.

00:41:06And when they do the 180 on you, now they already got you hooked and you're used to them doing stuff for you.

00:41:11And then it becomes an issue.

00:41:13Exactly.

00:41:14Because, you know, he's saying that he's saying that every time things start going good, she does, you know, she changes.

00:41:20Well, that's because she feels like, in a lot of ways, he's disrespecting her because she's feeling like, oh, you act like I can't handle what I'm handling.

00:41:34I made it this far dealing with it and he's not letting her really heal.

00:41:40And, you know, like, I get, I use this terminology because both of my parents used to always say, you know, yeah, you can, you know, my mom used to always say, you know, you got to be careful with some of these women.

00:41:56And she used to tell my sister, you got to be careful with some of these men.

00:41:59They look good on the outside.

00:42:02She said, but the inside is black as hell.

00:42:06Or the devil is on the inside.

00:42:10And my dad used to always, he used to do it.

00:42:14He'd sit up there, have his hat kicked to the side.

00:42:16He said, see how nice that car looked?

00:42:19I'm like, yeah.

00:42:19He said, go look on the inside.

00:42:22He said, it's raggedy as hell.

00:42:27And I've always, I've always thought about that, that, you know, beauty is only skin deep.

00:42:34Yeah, well, you know, that's where we get into most of our problems because we're so fixated on the outside.

00:42:43Yes.

00:42:44Yeah.

00:42:44I know some, I knew, I knew a female that lived across the street, across the alley.

00:42:51Man, she was, she was beautiful.

00:42:54But man, her attitude made her the ugliest girl on the block.

00:43:00Now, it's funny that you said that because there are people where, like you said, they can be beautiful and amazing.

00:43:07But when you start to really get to know them and start to talk to them and realize the attitude that they have within, you will start to be like, wow, what was I thinking?

00:43:17That person can literally, someone who's so beautiful and amazing can be so ugly.

00:43:24Yeah.

00:43:25Yeah.

00:43:26Hey, man, I know it has been a couple of times when, you know, and I've had, you know, like a female.

00:43:33So on a scale of one to 10, what you go, she said, how you rate me?

00:43:40I said, well, until you open your mouth, you might be a 10.

00:43:43But once you open your mouth, start coming down.

00:43:46And I've gotten cussed out for that.

00:43:49And I'm like, I'm just being honest.

00:43:52I actually.

00:43:54Once you open your mouth and then, you know, it starts to drop.

00:44:02We had this girl across the street.

00:44:05She lived like diagonal from me.

00:44:07And I actually had that same conversation with her.

00:44:09She was one of the prettiest girls on the block, but her attitude made her super ugly.

00:44:17And I had enough strength and courage to actually tell her that when I got older, because she was just her added.

00:44:24She thought she was all that.

00:44:27She really did.

00:44:28I was like, wow.

00:44:30But yeah, I know exactly what you mean.

00:44:31Now, I just think that, you know, like this guy, you know, like you said that he, he, it's like he just, he just found somebody that was pretty and smart and funny, but he didn't really know her.

00:44:51Because if he really knew her, or even if he really cared, he would at least gave her a chance to, you know, grow.

00:45:06And, you know, like I said, two years, two men, you know, mostly relationships that, you know, even in a relationship, you know, two years is really nothing.

00:45:20But, you know, wait till after, I say five years, she don't change after five years, then, you know, it's time to, you know, she's not going to change, but you can't expect nobody to change in two years.

00:45:37The question is, are you willing to wait around to see how long it's going to take?

00:45:43That's the big question.

00:45:45And I see you said he didn't know her.

00:45:48I submit and say that he didn't even know himself, because anybody that knows themselves, you're going to be paying somebody's credit issues off.

00:46:01And you're paying medical debt off and you're helping people get apartments and stuff.

00:46:08I don't know that somebody that really, and we use the word love tonight.

00:46:12I don't know that that's somebody that really loves themselves, because while you're doing all of those things for people, you said it before, you have to do it yourself.

00:46:25You got to want to change.

00:46:26You got to want to do it yourself.

00:46:28You can help somebody get out of debt.

00:46:30You can pay all of the medical bills you want.

00:46:33You can help them get apartments, buy them this, buy them that.

00:46:37Is that going to stop them from not doing it again and staying in that same cycle?

00:46:42Because it sounds like this is a good recipe for that, because he says the more that he gives, the more she pulls away.

00:46:50Right.

00:46:50And arguments, ghosting for days, and then all of a sudden resurfacing like nothing happened.

00:46:57And that resurfacing like nothing happened, is that because the light bulb went off and she realized, oh, he might pay for something else?

00:47:05He might do something.

00:47:06That could be it, too.

00:47:09You know, and like I said, you know, she, and then she's, like I said, the type, he says she's been, you know, an abusive relationship.

00:47:19So she just looking at this, like, okay, you, you know, she's looking at this, like, okay, is he doing all of this and then trying to control me?

00:47:32Because he put me, he helped me get an apartment.

00:47:35And when he get mad at me, he can tell me to get out and the apartment is his anyway.

00:47:46You know, I mean, stuff like that.

00:47:47You got to be careful how you deal with people that's been abused.

00:47:54And because they can say, well, I see signs in you that I've seen from another, that I, a relationship, a previous relationship.

00:48:06I've heard that, and I've heard that.

00:48:08And you be, and you know, it's like, no, no, no, no.

00:48:11I'm just trying to be nicer.

00:48:13I'm just trying to, you know, show you a better life.

00:48:19And it's, you know, you cannot, I don't know, you, it's, to show somebody a better life is not spending money on them.

00:48:31Yeah.

00:48:32Yeah.

00:48:32You know, people that's been abused, you know, been through hard times.

00:48:40You know, sitting down and just being with them and letting them, you know, heal is best way to do it.

00:48:52And if you start spending money all the time, then it's like you're trying to buy them.

00:48:57That's why I said that, you know, and then, like I said, just by his conversation, I'm like, okay, that's an old pimp move there or a player move, you know, either one.

00:49:12And that's the way, that's the way I said, when I, when I, like I said, when I read it and I'm like, man, this dude here, this is just like pimp or player move, really.

00:49:24I got you.

00:49:25I used to be a Marcus.

00:49:26I used to be a Marcus.

00:49:28I'm not going to say that I was trying to pimp anybody out, but I definitely was trying to buy love.

00:49:36And I realized that you can't do that.

00:49:38And a lot of that came from a lack of knowing who I was.

00:49:44So I say, you know, he asked the question, how does he avoid repeating the same cycle?

00:49:50I feel that he's hit almost every single realm here when it comes to what we focus consultations.

00:50:00Number one, the spiritual realm, as far as him taking time to understand who he is, knowing who he is, he might need to heal from something because there's something missing in this letter that we just don't see here.

00:50:15Because it wasn't spelled out for us.

00:50:18Right.

00:50:18Because what's, what's making him show up like this?

00:50:22So that's, that's that piece when it comes to the spiritual side.

00:50:25And getting with himself to ask these questions because you're questioning, how do you avoid repeating the same cycle?

00:50:34Clearly you haven't learned your lesson.

00:50:36So it's probably going to happen again.

00:50:38Well, and you know what, it really, to me, it sounds like he had been in a, he had tried to be, he's watched other people and then he's been in a relationship and he wasn't able, he got with somebody that was, I don't know, I hate to use that word, but somebody that, he got with somebody that was out of his class that was needy.

00:51:08And so he probably, you know, in the back of his mind, he's saying, oh, this won't happen again.

00:51:18I'm a habit this time.

00:51:20And I'm going to show them that this is what I can do for them.

00:51:28And, you know, he didn't change.

00:51:31And now he feels like, oh, I can buy, and it's more like he is buying that person by doing all these things instead of just, you know, sitting, talking, getting to know this person, getting to know the aches and pains that she's been through.

00:51:48And then just kind of explain to her, how can I help you get through this?

00:51:58Now he go that route, he might get a better understanding and she wouldn't be pulling away from him so much.

00:52:06I'm going to back it up.

00:52:10I know you said that he watched somebody else or he's seen these types of behavior somewhere.

00:52:15And you're absolutely right.

00:52:18And a lot of times I'm going to speak on his behalf and I'm going to speak on Amber's behalf, too.

00:52:25The things that they watched and they experienced as a child and the same thing when it comes to us, what we've experienced from a childhood shows up in our adult relationships.

00:52:36So maybe his parents, maybe his mom, maybe his dad, we don't know that answer, but maybe his father showed him that this is how you're supposed to treat women.

00:52:48Yes.

00:52:49I'm going to put it that way.

00:52:50I'm going to put it that way.

00:52:52Maybe he's seen his mom go through some things.

00:52:54Who knows?

00:52:55But I also want to say, like, the mental aspect of it, like, whatever he thinks and feels right now.

00:53:03And people out there listening, whatever you think and you feel in your current state.

00:53:09That's not the end all be all.

00:53:11You might feel a certain way today, but if you focus on changing that mentally, breaking generational curses, doing something different, pulling away from what you've been programmed as a child, what you have experienced in your teenage life, what you've experienced in your first relationship.

00:53:28It doesn't matter what you've been through.

00:53:30There's always room for change and you can change.

00:53:32So I say that he needs to take time to himself, figure out what the value is of himself, what he wants in a relationship, what he wants in a woman and vice versa, and focus on changing some things so that the next person appears a heck of a lot different from what he's used to.

00:53:53And big, big, big, big takeaway is the financial aspect.

00:53:59We don't know how much money he wasted cleaning up somebody's credit.

00:54:02He already said that he's financing her healing journey.

00:54:05We don't know how much money he's paid on credit card repair, furnishing apartments, and just a lot.

00:54:13So, yes, this is a whole lot to go through here.

00:54:21So, yeah, I say you're going to have to go cold turkey and break away from this and sit with yourself and figure some things out.

00:54:29That's my take on it.

00:54:31And you know what else?

00:54:35He didn't say what type of career she was in.

00:54:41Was she actually working?

00:54:46Now, that's a good point right there.

00:54:50You definitely hit the nail on the head with that one.

00:54:52You know, or was she, he just called her out.

00:54:58Do she have any kids?

00:55:00Because, like, a lot of barbers, and I know this, you know, I know this.

00:55:05A lot of barbers, they catch a gal that come in there with their kids.

00:55:13And then they, you know, kind of, like, get to talking and trying to, you know, really, okay, get to know one another.

00:55:20And, you know, he said he got a cigar shop.

00:55:24So, he impressed her with all these things, not, you know, not thinking that this is going to make her act better.

00:55:38And that ain't helping.

00:55:40That ain't helping at all.

00:55:43That is not helping one bit.

00:55:46That's, you know, it's hurting, hurting him more than helping her.

00:55:55How many people do you think are experiencing what Marcus has going on?

00:56:02It's a lot.

00:56:04It's a lot.

00:56:05It's a lot, but, too, you see most couples that are financially together, and I'm not knocking no one for this, but it seems like they have an understanding.

00:56:30They have the education background, and they have this understanding that, you know, this is what we're going to do, not I.

00:56:45And, see, that's the thing.

00:56:47It seems like it's mostly I instead of we.

00:56:51So, you know, when it comes an I thing, then you got, I don't care what relationship you are in or trying to be in, when it's an I thing, it's not going nowhere.

00:57:07But if it's a we thing, we in this together, we're going to do this together, it can work out.

00:57:14And, you know, you don't even have to have, you know, no corporate job or nothing like that.

00:57:21If you are willing to work together and say we, hey, you can live just as good as those that's in the corporate world with less headaches.

00:57:33I know.

00:57:33I know that's right.

00:57:35Yeah, that is so true.

00:57:36You know, because I know people, I do know, I know a lot of people that's like that.

00:57:45You know, they are, it's a we thing and not an I thing.

00:57:52Yeah, teamwork and there's both input.

00:57:56And one can't be doing something without the other knowing and vice versa.

00:57:59So, you know, you come together, I say that in a lot of these relationships, marriages, even deep friendships, it's a business relationship.

00:58:13You have to come to the table and you're going to have board meetings on a regular basis to or as we call them check ins to see how everything is going.

00:58:22And, you know, the checks and the balances, how's everything flowing.

00:58:25So, but on this part here with Marcus, this is just one sided.

00:58:30She's doing whatever she's doing and he's, you know, doing backflips, trying to make things work.

00:58:36But it's one sided and then she'll just pop back up whenever, you know, that ghosting thing, please like pop back up if you want to after you ghost and I done paid for this and did this and did that.

00:58:49And all of a sudden you're going to ghost me for however long you did.

00:58:51And then you just come back and then, yeah, nah, Marcus, you got to cut this out.

00:58:57Just don't make no kind of sense at all here.

00:58:59Yeah, that's, you know, I mean, hey, man, you know, that, I've been through that too, man.

00:59:09I've been through that.

00:59:10That's why my relationship didn't work out, man, you know, because it just, we're together and then take off for three months, then come back and then take off for three months and then come back, you know.

00:59:30And, but the deep issue was there was kids involved and sometimes, you know, and then finally you get tired of it and say, skip it, man.

00:59:43I don't have nothing.

00:59:44I don't have nothing, man, you know, I'm sitting here and I'm steady trying to do the right things.

00:59:57And every time I get to that point where I think I'm starting to enjoy what I'm doing, this person here somehow breaks that cycle in some kind of way.

01:00:10Yeah, I feel for Marcus.

01:00:23I think he is going to have to, when she ghosts, just let it be what it be and don't open the door again.

01:00:33For someone to ghost you, basically, that's just up and leaving, ain't telling you where they are.

01:00:39You don't know where they are.

01:00:40You're texting, you're calling, they're not responding.

01:00:43One day they're not going to respond.

01:00:45So mentally, how do you deal with that?

01:00:48Not knowing if this is the last time that you have actually are going to see them or like what's going to happen when you leave and we say good night, you're going to ghost me tomorrow.

01:00:56You're not going to show up.

01:00:58And then when a ghosting does take place, what type of trip you going down if you don't know if they're going to resurface again or not?

01:01:06Yeah, I'm not playing that game.

01:01:07So the fact that this has happened over and over again and Marcus continues to sign up for this, it's a little more disturbing than anything.

01:01:17So, yeah, we're just going to say that we need to take a break from this here.

01:01:23And I think both of them need to heal because I don't know what she got going on from her past trauma, childhood issues, relationships.

01:01:33Marcus obviously has some other things going on that we don't know about because who's signing up for this?

01:01:39Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, so.

01:01:47All right, ladies and gentlemen, this is a moment where we're going to get into the burning questions.

01:01:53If there is anything that you'd like to add in on tonight's assignment, maybe we didn't touch something that you might feel, you can text us at 609-200-1098.

01:02:08Let us know your take on it.

01:02:10Birdman, any last things on this scenario here?

01:02:15No, just a person has to really find themselves before they can try to, you know, heal anybody else.

01:02:24That's just the bottom line because if you're hurt and you try to help somebody else, it's just going to go bad.

01:02:37Don't we know?

01:02:38Yeah.

01:02:40Yeah, yeah, yeah, I get it.

01:02:45All right, burning questions.

01:02:48The official 4-1-1 podcast, Reading Between the Wines hotline at 609-200-1098.

01:02:55If you'd like to submit your story here, if you have a little synopsis of what you have going on in your world, you can email me, info at laryngaines.com.

01:03:09You can also DM me on any of my social media platforms.

01:03:12So now the burning question that I have for you, and I want everyone to think about this, use this as a point to reflect.

01:03:25This can work as far as your journaling as well.

01:03:32Are you loving from the heart or are you leading from your need to be needed?

01:03:38That's deep.

01:03:42Now, maybe you are in this state today.

01:03:44Maybe you were this in the past, and I sure hope that you don't take this into your future.

01:03:51But are you loving from your heart, or are you leading from the need to be needed?

01:04:01So, Burman, what do you think of this burning question here?

01:04:05A lot of us are going down that road where we are, we're not loving for the heart.

01:04:13We're just, just to have somebody is a lot of them, because I mean, like, I have, I have mostly, I have relatives, cousins who say, you won't ever see me without a female.

01:04:30I don't care.

01:04:31They got, they got to have somebody to feel needed.

01:04:34And a lot of people are just like that, especially now, the way things is going.

01:04:43Everybody just wants to have somebody.

01:04:47They need somebody.

01:04:49They're not loving from their heart.

01:04:51So, they, that's why they draw the wrong people.

01:04:56Well, what about, what about this here where people say, oh, that didn't mean anything.

01:05:02Or, oh, I had to get under somebody to get over you.

01:05:06That same way.

01:05:08That's not with the heart, man.

01:05:09That's needy.

01:05:10That's needy.

01:05:12That's needy.

01:05:13I need some, that goes back to what I'm saying.

01:05:17That's why I said, I had, I do, I, you know, I had a couple cousins who told me straight up, they said, you would never see me without a woman.

01:05:27I'm going to have a woman with me, whether, you know, they didn't care.

01:05:32And I'm like, and don't you care about your, your wealth?

01:05:36No, man.

01:05:37I'm always have a woman with me.

01:05:39I'm like, okay.

01:05:41Now, now my question is, what were the quality of the women that, because that's different.

01:05:47Yeah.

01:05:48But they said they always needed a woman.

01:05:50So, that let, let you know what the quality was.

01:05:53I was just thinking, talking like that, the quality may have not been the best.

01:06:01Yes.

01:06:01And that's why, that's where the issues come in.

01:06:04And then now, just this vicious cycle, and you constantly getting under somebody to try to get over the next.

01:06:11Yes.

01:06:12And every time you lay down with somebody.

01:06:18Yes.

01:06:19They're taking a piece of you, you're taking a piece of them with you into the next situation.

01:06:24Yes.

01:06:24Wow.

01:06:27So, loving from the heart, or are you leading from your need to be needed?

01:06:33That's, that's real deep.

01:06:34Love from the heart is that you're going to take your time, you're going to find the person, and you're not just going to jump into, you're not going to jump in the bed right away.

01:06:46You're not going to jump into living together right away.

01:06:50It's a lot of things you're not going to do right away.

01:06:54You want to at least get to know the person, and then take it step by step.

01:06:59And I also like to put out there, loving from the heart.

01:07:05That means you're going to accept the person for who they are.

01:07:08You ain't going to try to change them.

01:07:11They're not in the business to try to change in you.

01:07:14And there's no, there's back and forth of trying to fix something or change something.

01:07:23Because if you go into that thinking that you're going to change something, you're going to fix something.

01:07:28And that's not real love.

01:07:30Exactly.

01:07:32So, yeah, you could cut that whole thing out about, oh, love.

01:07:37Forget about loving from the heart, this, that, the next, the other.

01:07:40When you go in there trying to change somebody and manipulate and mastermind a situation, then what's that Tina say?

01:07:50Love ain't got nothing to do with it right there.

01:07:52And if she ghosted him, I'm quite sure what she's doing is she's going back to the same guy that she left.

01:08:05And then when she is getting bad again, she's coming back to him.

01:08:11I was just going to say that, too.

01:08:17Thank you for bringing that up.

01:08:18All this ghosting and stuff, when you just resurface out of nowhere, my question is going to be, where have you been?

01:08:26Yeah.

01:08:29What have you been doing this whole time?

01:08:31That's crazy.

01:08:33Yeah, this whole new ghosting thing is, my thing is, if you're going to ghost, just stay going.

01:08:42Yeah.

01:08:43Yeah, that's true.

01:08:44That's true.

01:08:45Don't, when it gets bad, you see it's getting bad again.

01:08:49Don't come back.

01:08:51Yeah.

01:08:51That's all it is.

01:08:53She's seen it's getting bad and like, oh, shoot, I had it good over here.

01:08:57And I know he'll take me back and she'll go back to him.

01:09:02And then when she gets to a certain point, she'll run back to him.

01:09:08You ever seen the movie Casino?

01:09:11No, I haven't seen that, but I know what you're talking about.

01:09:14I haven't said that.

01:09:15Watch it.

01:09:15But a Robert De Niro, a casino, man, that is, that, that's what this reminds me of right there.

01:09:27Wow.

01:09:29She's.

01:09:33She kept running back to her pimp and he was trying to change her and give her the good things in life.

01:09:40He gave her mink codes.

01:09:42He gave her millions of dollars and she kept going back to her pimp.

01:09:49And she was actually, she was, she was taking his money and she was taking care of the pimp.

01:09:56Oh, wow.

01:09:58Huh?

01:09:59Yeah.

01:10:00All right.

01:10:00If you have, it's an old movie, man, but check it out though.

01:10:04You'll see what I'm talking about.

01:10:06Huh?

01:10:07All right.

01:10:07Or maybe, yeah, maybe Marcus needs to watch this.

01:10:13Yeah.

01:10:19Tonight's burning question.

01:10:21609-210-98.

01:10:23The official four on one reading between the wines.

01:10:26Hotline.

01:10:27Are you loving from your heart or are you leading from your need to be needed?

01:10:33All right.

01:10:34So that is a show, Burr, man.

01:10:37What you have going on in your area?

01:10:42Oh, Saturday at Imperial Wine.

01:10:46That's the place.

01:10:47That's the place.

01:10:49Yeah.

01:10:50We're doing, like I said, my friend, he plays the guitar and he always invite me to come and read a couple of poems.

01:10:59And he plays behind, you know, whatever I'm reading.

01:11:05And he sent me a message yesterday or Monday that he's going to be at Imperial Wine Saturday night.

01:11:16It's in Sugar Land from 7 to 9.

01:11:18Hey, I'm going to be there.

01:11:21I'm going to read, you know, long the weather is good and, you know, to read a couple of poems and stuff.

01:11:28And right now, that's about it as far as doing anything live.

01:11:32Everything else is like on, you know, on Zoom.

01:11:35My books are at Amazon.com slash authors slash Birdman313.

01:11:44I have videos on YouTube.

01:11:49I mean, yeah, yeah, YouTube.com slash author, poet, Birdman31355.

01:11:58I also have videos on Spotify, but it's on the Coffee and Wine channel.

01:12:08If you go to Spotify, you click on Coffee, Wine, and Words, you will see, you know, and just scroll down and scroll through.

01:12:20You'll see videos there.

01:12:23Other than that, man, nothing else for this month.

01:12:27I did a review on Outdoor Memories.

01:12:33I posted that today.

01:12:35I don't know if you said that.

01:12:37But, yes, I did a review for that as well.

01:12:41And, you know, we got two more coming, so I did put that out there.

01:12:46And, yeah, everybody, please check out Birdman313.

01:12:52And, you know what, I should say, excuse me, I'm sorry.

01:12:55I am on Instagram, and I've been posting, like, I post maybe four or five of my poems from each one of my books.

01:13:05And this last week, I've been posting poems from street poems.

01:13:11I really don't talk too much about street poems because I prefer for people to read it because it's about the streets.

01:13:20And I don't want to offend nobody at an open mic with it.

01:13:24But I don't even think I would, well, no, because I read a poem before and offended someone.

01:13:32So now, like, street poems, I'm starting to really promote that one.

01:13:37And that was my 12th poetry book.

01:13:40And I'm starting to kind of promote that a little bit more.

01:13:44And I'm posting poems from street poems.

01:13:47And I'm thinking about taking on, finding a video to go with one of the poems.

01:13:53I just got to find the right poem.

01:13:55And that's the problem with that because it's about the streets, and I don't have any videos about the streets.

01:14:05Most of my videos are, you know, like, from the Pacific, from Santa Monica Beach, or Manhattan Beach, Galveston, Lake Michigan, all the Japanese gardens and parks.

01:14:19You know what, I got something for you, though, with that.

01:14:22You just need to come up to Jersey.

01:14:24You need to come to New York, Philly.

01:14:26And we got all the street that you need.

01:14:30Hey, man, that would be cool, man.

01:14:34We got all the streets you need between Philly, start in Philly.

01:14:38By the time you get to New York, we got all the street you need.

01:14:41Hey, I may take you up on that, man.

01:14:48I'll tell you what places to go and what places not.

01:14:52Oh, yeah.

01:14:52Yeah, that's cool.

01:14:54But that's the way it is, man.

01:14:55When the people, you know, I tell people say, oh, I'm going to come here.

01:14:58I'm like, yeah.

01:14:59Well, I'll tell you which areas to go in and which areas not to go in.

01:15:04So y'all don't have anything like that out there where you're just like, oh, yeah, this is a different part of Texas.

01:15:09You know what, man?

01:15:11I'm going to tell you something.

01:15:14You do, but you've got to be careful because a rapper got killed doing that.

01:15:20He was, well, he had got into, a rapper from San Antonio had got into it with a rapper here in Houston.

01:15:27And they was in San Antonio.

01:15:29So, you know, the rapper came here and he was shooting a video in one of the bad, you know, apartment complexes because it fit his song.

01:15:42And he was there shooting a video.

01:15:45So, this other rapper, he had got into it with, found out him and his boys, as they call them.

01:15:53They went out there, amen.

01:15:55And they laid carnage.

01:15:58They laid, they laid the bullets on him.

01:16:02Yeah, no good.

01:16:03And I've had, I've had people say, you've got to be careful going in the, and I know others who have gone into apartments, you know, or.

01:16:16You know, I know the project there.

01:16:18Yeah, yeah, and you know, they take, they take him, I mean, I was in my hometown and I was doing that one time.

01:16:25I went to the park I grew up in, where I, where I played ball at.

01:16:30And I was, I was there and I was just taking pictures.

01:16:34And man, these kids was like 11 and 12.

01:16:38And the dude went home and, and, and the little kids, they called his dad and his wife and said, what the hell are you doing?

01:16:45And I said, I used to live here.

01:16:48I used to play ball here.

01:16:49I'm just taking pictures.

01:16:51And the dad came out with a gun, man.

01:16:53And he, and he was like, ain't in, get, get the hell away from here.

01:16:58You know, we don't know you.

01:17:00And I'm like, and I was, and, and the people I was with the guy, he said, come on, man, let's go.

01:17:06And he took off, man.

01:17:08And the guy actually did fire one shot at us.

01:17:11And it was, and I'm like, I can't believe this.

01:17:16I grew up a block away from the park.

01:17:20And it's a place where we used to hoop all the time, all during the summers.

01:17:25From the time I was in high school till I got, till I was in college and got out of college.

01:17:32Wow.

01:17:34Yeah.

01:17:34You never know.

01:17:35Like when you try to go back to where you come from.

01:17:38And I, and I've been back there recently and I, and I got out the vehicle and I was taking pictures in this car roll by real slow.

01:17:49And they were staring.

01:17:50So I guess, you know what, when they, when, when they hit that corner, I just got in the vehicle and I got away from there.

01:17:58I said, skip this.

01:17:59You know, this is my hometown.

01:18:00That's why when I, if I do, or when I do, I go out to the beach.

01:18:06Yeah.

01:18:07Yeah.

01:18:07It's dead.

01:18:07I know what you mean.

01:18:08Yeah.

01:18:09Yeah.

01:18:13Yeah.

01:18:14Life changes things.

01:18:17Can't go back to where we came from.

01:18:19No, you can't.

01:18:20And I've had, I've had, I've had people tell me, you know, where y'all used to hang out at, up there at the store, go up there.

01:18:30Say, yeah, don't go up there no more.

01:18:32Don't ever stop.

01:18:33I've had people tell me that.

01:18:34They said, we knew you grew up here.

01:18:36Yes.

01:18:37We knew you used to go in that store every day.

01:18:40You used to pass that store going to school.

01:18:43They said, don't go up there.

01:18:45I said, cause hey, now, and I, and I, and I had other friends.

01:18:50He said, Hey man.

01:18:51He said, when I go back home, I go straight to my mother's house.

01:18:55And I stay there and anything I want.

01:19:00He said, he said, man, my mom go get me weed.

01:19:03I'm like your mother.

01:19:04He said, she don't, she don't want me to do it because of the way it is.

01:19:10And I'm like, wow, man.

01:19:12And he'll, you know, like, you know, it'd be his, his neighbors that know him.

01:19:17They will go get, get, and go get weed for him or get him something to drink.

01:19:22He just stayed home and he said, when it's, when he done seen his family, he will leave out, man.

01:19:28Oh yeah.

01:19:28Because they've been conditioned to it.

01:19:30Cause they there, they in it.

01:19:32And he has, yeah, there's a big difference.

01:19:34Yeah.

01:19:34I got you.

01:19:35Yeah.

01:19:36Yeah.

01:19:37Yeah.

01:19:41And I know one time I did, I went to a shopping center and we were shooting him.

01:19:47I've seen how people was looking and we just kept on going.

01:19:50And I said, skip it, you know, it ain't worth it.

01:19:53I love that.

01:19:55Huh?

01:19:56I said, I love that when you say skip it.

01:19:59Cause you know what I, I know what you're saying.

01:20:03Yeah.

01:20:04Yeah.

01:20:05And then that's when I wrote street poems, like I said, I sent you that book.

01:20:12Yeah.

01:20:12A lot of them, a lot of them is from the streets.

01:20:15And that's a lot of them poems came from the street itself.

01:20:21And mostly it's from my hometown.

01:20:24And, but you know, and it's a few people who bought it from my hometown, but they don't

01:20:30realize a lot of the majority of them poems.

01:20:32That's where they were born at right there in my hometown.

01:20:39So.

01:20:43Street poems.

01:20:44Check that out.

01:20:47And peaceful thoughts.

01:20:49Check that out.

01:20:50Another time, another time is, is when we was up in San Francisco.

01:20:55Well, street, you know, and some of the street poems come from San Francisco too.

01:21:00When we was up there, you know, the change of San Francisco has changed a lot.

01:21:04I don't, I want to go back, but I don't want to go back.

01:21:08Cause I, I, you know, it's bad up there.

01:21:13That's crazy.

01:21:14Wow.

01:21:15We don't have to talk about that one day.

01:21:17Wow.

01:21:18Yes.

01:21:19Yes.

01:21:22All right.

01:21:23So that is a wrap.

01:21:25I appreciate you from coming on again.

01:21:28And.

01:21:29I appreciate you having me on.

01:21:32Yeah.

01:21:32Next week.

01:21:33Same place.

01:21:33Same time.

01:21:35Definitely.

01:21:36Yeah.

01:21:37All right.

01:21:38So on that note, I'm going to get on up out of here and enjoy the rest of my evening while I can.

01:21:47And, um, yeah, I'll talk to you next week.

01:21:49All right.

01:21:50You take care.

01:21:51You care.

01:21:51You too.

01:21:52Have a great week.

01:21:53Yeah.

01:21:53You too.

01:21:54All right.

01:21:55Take care.

01:21:56Yep.

01:21:59All right.

01:22:00Ladies and gentlemen, there you have it.

01:22:02That was author Birdman313 coming through support and wind down Wednesdays, part of the mentorship

01:22:09program as well here at Black Diamond Consultations.

01:22:13If you would like to participate in the mentorship series, DM me.

01:22:20You can send me an email as well.

01:22:22Info at laryngains.com.

01:22:24And I can give you the information that you need so that you can have your seat at the table as well.

01:22:29We have spiritual Sundays, mental Mondays, transformational Tuesdays, wind down Wednesdays,

01:22:38coaching sessions Thursdays, and financial Fridays.

01:22:42If there's something that you heard tonight that sparked some sort of interest in you,

01:22:47you heard me speak about debt-free living tonight.

01:22:50We spoke a lot about the financial aspect of it.

01:22:54Although we covered spiritual, we covered mental, we covered emotional topics here tonight.

01:22:59But a lot of this is surrounded by the financial aspect.

01:23:05You can head on over to laryngains.com.

01:23:07And I have a link for a free 15-minute consultation.

01:23:12You can also sign up for my free monthly newsletter, which is Whispers of Wisdom.

01:23:17I have awesome inspirational content, all centered around debt-free living,

01:23:23delivered to your inbox once a month.

01:23:25Again, you can sign up for that at laryngains.com.

01:23:31And on that note, ladies and gentlemen, I want to say thank you so much for joining in.

01:23:35Thank you to author Birdman313 for helping me out tonight.

01:23:40I want to give a very special thank you to SOS.

01:23:42I want to give a very special thank you to Nate Perry as well for participating.

01:23:49And again, each and every one of you out there, please like, comment, share, subscribe, tag a friend.

01:23:55I do want to apologize for the issue that I believe we experienced again here tonight on X, a.k.a. Twitter.

01:24:03I have no idea what's going on, but I continuously keep trying to get that situated.

01:24:11But we might have another issue tonight.

01:24:13But that's okay.

01:24:14Next episode, we should be up and running on that as well.

01:24:17And thank you so much.

01:24:19Have a good night.

01:24:21And I will see you when I see you.

01:24:23Take care.

01:24:23And that's a wrap on today's episode of the 411 Podcast and Reading Between the Wines, where growth is always on the menu, and every pour reveals a little more truth.

01:24:35The conversation doesn't end here.

01:24:37Have something to say?

01:24:39Want to weigh in on tonight's burning questions?

01:24:42Text us anytime at the official 411 Podcast and Reading Between the Wines hotline at 609-200-1098.

01:24:51Stay plugged in across all social media platforms at Laring Gains.

01:24:56We're live and in the conversation on Facebook, Instagram, X, TikTok, YouTube, DLive, Twitch, and Dailymotion.

01:25:04Prefer to listen on the go?

01:25:06The audio version is streaming on most major podcast outlets.

01:25:11Until we meet again, take what you've learned, sip slow, speak truth, and remember, transformation starts within.

01:25:18Powered by the Black Diamond Consultations Network.

01:25:58Good night.

01:26:00Good night.