- 5 months ago
First broadcast 4th February 1974.
Bob is arrested for being over the limit whilst driving home and taken to the police station, where he meets Terry, who has been arrested for fighting at a football match.
James Bolam - Terry Collier
Rodney Bewes - Bob Ferris
Brigit Forsyth - Thelma
Robert Gillespie - 1st Police Sgt.
James Mellor - P.C.
Leonard Maguire - Dr. McKae
Michael Beint - 2nd Police Sgt.
Norman Mitchell - Jack
Gertan Klauber - Waiter
Phil McCall - Glaswegian
Brian Vaughan - Doorman
Bob is arrested for being over the limit whilst driving home and taken to the police station, where he meets Terry, who has been arrested for fighting at a football match.
James Bolam - Terry Collier
Rodney Bewes - Bob Ferris
Brigit Forsyth - Thelma
Robert Gillespie - 1st Police Sgt.
James Mellor - P.C.
Leonard Maguire - Dr. McKae
Michael Beint - 2nd Police Sgt.
Norman Mitchell - Jack
Gertan Klauber - Waiter
Phil McCall - Glaswegian
Brian Vaughan - Doorman
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:01Ooh, what happened to you? Whatever happened to me? And what became of the people we used to be?
00:16Tomorrow's almost over, the day went by so fast. It's the only thing to look forward to, the past.
00:30Shall I tell you something, Franco? Shall I tell you something? That is not an unpleasant little burgundy, that. That is not a bad little burgundy.
00:45This chocolate mousse is gorgeous.
00:47Thank you, madame. Thank you, sir.
00:50You know, for a place like this, up here, they don't half have a bad little wine list.
00:56Listen, why don't you try some? It's never so light. Go on.
00:58Oh, no, darling, I told you I couldn't. Some of us are watching their carbohydrates.
01:02There can't be more carbohydrates in a chocolate mousse than in all the wine you've knocked back.
01:07Darling, I do not knock it back. I'm a connoisseur of wine. I sip it with an appreciative respect for its piquancy.
01:16What I do not do is knock it back. Fine, darling, fine. But you've still sipped, appreciatively, half a bottle of white.
01:23A chablis, dry, not a thoroughbred, but for the price admirable.
01:28And a bottle of red. Robust, full-broadded, blooded.
01:35Which, in anybody's language, connoisseurs included, means you've knocked back a bottle and a half of wine.
01:40Darling, wine is my hobby. I'm not drinking. I'm learning about it.
01:45Not like some people. Not like Terry Collier. He hasn't got Beyond Beer yet.
01:51His idea of sophistication is a pint of Newcastle Brown with a cherry in it.
01:56I take it all back. If you're interested in wine, we'll take you further away from Terry Collier and the Black Horse.
02:01You drink on, Petal. Fill every glass for wine inspires us and fires us with courage, love and joy.
02:08What, Pet? It's a quotation. It's a well-known quotation.
02:11Oh. Courage, love and joy. Wine inspires us and fires us with courage, love and joy.
02:17Hmm. Yes, that's quite true in your case. How do you mean?
02:22Well, I mean, when we were courting, it needed the wine to give you the courage to ask me if I'd let you make love to me.
02:28Right. Very good. Yes.
02:31So where does the joy come in? Courage, love and joy?
02:34Well, surely the joy was when I said yes.
02:36Right. Yes.
02:39But you hardly ever did.
02:41I mean, as far as I was concerned, there was no joy. No joy whatsoever.
02:45Well, that was because after one and a half bottles of robust wine, you were usually incapable.
02:49Darling, wine does not make you incapable. Wine is a gentle stimulant.
02:54A good familiar creature.
02:56The words of Shakespeare. What it does not do is get you legless.
03:00Yes, dear.
03:01Compliments of the Moulin Rouge. We thought you would appreciate it.
03:05It's very good. Vintage port. Special.
03:09Thank you, Franco. Thank you very much indeed.
03:12What about that? Isn't that nice?
03:15Well, come here again, I'll tell you that.
03:17Look at the colour of that port.
03:19Mmm, the bouquet. Mellow, mellow yet positive. Do you know how they taste wine, Thelma? They don't, they don't sip it like you see most people do in the trade. What they do is like this.
03:34It's good, yes. Special.
03:36No.
03:43Cheers, George. Thank you very much, sir. Be careful how you go tonight. It's been a match.
03:48Aye, I know. Friendly. With rangers.
03:50There's no such thing as a friendly with rangers. They'll be on the rampage.
03:53Aye, hooligans. Good night, George.
03:55Good night, George.
03:57Thank you for a lovely night.
03:59Thank you for a lovely night.
04:03Those special port stains wash out, do you think?
04:05Stupid waiter creeping up like that.
04:07Well, you didn't know you were gargling, did you?
04:09I was not gargling, darling. I was merely showing.
04:11Shh. It doesn't matter. It's still a lovely night.
04:15Give me the keys. I better drive.
04:17No, no, darling. It's all right.
04:19Oh, I think I should.
04:20No, no, pet. I'm fine. I've only had wine.
04:35What have I done? I haven't done anything. I haven't done anything at all.
04:37I don't know the livid. I never crossed my mind.
04:41Put yourself together. You've got nothing to worry about.
04:43I've got nothing to worry about.
04:45It's just that I've always had this terrible guilt thing about the police.
04:47Ever since me and Terry stole a hose pipe from the convalescent town.
04:51But that was when you were ten.
04:53God, what have I done? I haven't done anything.
04:57Good evening, constable. Officer.
04:59What a lovely evening.
05:01Quite balmy, really. What's wrong?
05:03Is your rear offside lights not working, sir?
05:05Is it not?
05:07Well, I never.
05:09I buy a bulb.
05:11It's just out of service and all these garages.
05:17Of course, sitting up forward, one isn't always aware of what's happening at the rear, is one?
05:23One wouldn't have known at all but for your diligence.
05:25Is this your car, sir?
05:27Yes. Yes, it is. It's my car.
05:29And first thing in the morning, I'll get it fixed. First thing, I will.
05:33Have you any documents or anything to prove that it is your car?
05:35Yes, yes, yes. It's all here. Yes, yes. There we are.
05:37And first thing in the morning, I shall get it fixed.
05:39I shall buy a bulb. I shall buy a bulb.
05:41And that garage, I tell you, that garage is going to get some stick from me.
05:45I can tell you that.
05:47All right, then, Mr Ferris.
05:49You'll see to it.
05:53Well, good night, then, sir.
05:55What?
05:57Oh, yes.
05:59Right. It's good night, then.
06:01Is it?
06:03Right. Thank you very much.
06:05Thank you very much.
06:07Thank you very much.
06:09Bon voyage, eh?
06:27It's so unfair.
06:29It's victimization.
06:31End of the month and they're obviously down on the quota.
06:33They would never have breathalized you if you hadn't acted so strangely.
06:37You never read that book, The Naked Ape, did you?
06:41I lent it to you, but you never read it.
06:43Thelma, has this any relevance?
06:45Yes. It's all about behavior patterns.
06:49Man is an animal, and just like an animal, he wants to protect his own territory.
06:53Now, tonight, by sitting in the car and letting that policeman come to you, you were being aggressive.
06:57You were guarding your own territory.
06:59You should have got out and met him halfway.
07:01Psychologically, that would be a friendly gesture.
07:03Yes, Thelma, I'm sure that is very good advice.
07:05For a gorilla being breathalized.
07:09We're waiting for a doctor.
07:17Next stage is the doctor, you see.
07:19Is it?
07:21Your breathalizer only determines the amount of alcohol on the breath, you see.
07:25The actual offense is conditional upon alcohol in the bloodstream.
07:29See? In the bloodstream.
07:31The doctor will determine that by taking a blood sample.
07:35Or, if your husband prefers, a urine sample.
07:39Bob, pay attention to what the sergeant's saying.
07:41Hmm? Blood or urine?
07:43Just a cup of tea, please.
07:45What?
07:49Well, I shall just leave this here for the time being.
07:55But, as I say, you can elect to give blood.
07:57Blood? I'm not giving blood.
07:59It is only a pinprick, sir.
08:01I don't care. I'm not even giving a pinprick full.
08:03Look, the sooner you do, Pet, the sooner your innocence will be proved.
08:06My husband hasn't been drinking, you know, Sergeant.
08:09Well, Mum, the breathalizer went away for...
08:10Look, I don't give a fig about that silly plastic bag.
08:12I was with him the whole night, and I'm telling you, he has not been drinking.
08:16Well, not in the drinking sense.
08:17Not in the drinking sense.
08:18No, you see, he's only had wine.
08:20And wine doesn't affect him.
08:22Yes, well, it's all right, Pet, just...
08:24No, my husband's told me wine is a gentle stimulant.
08:27Uh, a good familiar creature, as Shakespeare said, didn't he, darling?
08:30Yes, well, I'm...
08:31He didn't touch spirits, except for the teeniest vodka and sugar-free tonic.
08:35He's just stuck to his bottle and a half of wine.
08:38If what you say is true, Mum, I'm surprised the breathalizer turned green.
08:46You see, bud?
08:47I'm surprised it didn't turn claret.
08:49We didn't touch the clarets.
08:52We just stuck to a rather robust Gervais Chambertin.
08:56I should have taken a statement.
08:57I've only had it in writing.
08:58Oh.
08:59What's all that?
09:00Oh, it's football rowdies.
09:01They say every cell's full.
09:02You go on home, Pet.
09:03I don't want you here with all that going on.
09:04They'll let you take the car.
09:05Oh, are you sure?
09:06Yes, yes, yes.
09:07You hardly drank anything.
09:08No, no, no.
09:09I mean, are you sure you don't want me to wait?
09:10No, no.
09:11You've done enough damage.
09:12Oh, beg your pardon?
09:13I've done what?
09:14Oh, beg your pardon?
09:15I've done what?
09:16Apart from a teeny-weeniest vodka,
09:17my husband stuck to his bottle and a half of wine
09:20and a barrel of brandy on the bypass
09:21and a keg of rum in a lay-by.
09:22Oh, no, no.
09:23You act as stupid as you getting in the back seat.
09:25I offered to drive you, but no, no, I'm fine.
09:27I'm fine.
09:28Just go on home, Thelma.
09:29Well, I'll leave the downstairs lights on.
09:31I'll leave the downstairs lights on.
09:33Oh, no, no.
09:34I'll leave the downstairs lights on.
09:36Oh, no, no.
09:37I'll leave the downstairs lights on.
09:38Oh, no, no.
09:39I'll leave the downstairs lights on.
09:41Oh, no, no.
09:42Oh, no.
09:49Damn it.
10:07Get off!
10:08Get off!
10:09You have no rights!
10:10No rights!
10:11What about justice? What about civil liberties?
10:13I like an IMP! I'll have the law on you!
10:19Fascists.
10:26Bob?
10:30What on earth are you doing here?
10:35I've been breathalized.
10:37You haven't.
10:39I have.
10:40Seriously?
10:41Yes, of course, seriously.
10:42What do you think I'm doing here? Voluntary bloody social work?
10:45Well, I thought I saw Thelma out there, but I thought, no, no, what could she possibly be doing here?
10:50But I thought it was her.
10:51I would have said hello, only I was trying to protect me vitals from a size 12 boot.
10:55Was that you creating all that row out there?
10:57I was just defending me rights.
10:59Well, what are you doing here?
11:01Wrongful arrest, that's what.
11:03What happened?
11:04We were just coming back from the football match, minding our own business, like not looking for trouble.
11:08That was the last thing on our minds.
11:10Just minding our own business.
11:11And we turns into Clayton Street and we're bang in the middle of this bunch of Glaswegians, all waving empty sherry bottles and bitter and twisted on defeat and red biddy.
11:20Well, there's nothing mellow about your legless jock, is there?
11:23And if there's one thing he's not going to do, it's shake your hand and whistle a chorus of au lang syne, is he?
11:27What did they do?
11:28We didn't give them a chance to do anything.
11:29We were on them before we could say up your kins.
11:31Oh, charming.
11:32It was self-defense, Bob.
11:33We weren't looking for trouble.
11:34No, no.
11:35And if I have learned anything in life about your average Scott, it's follow the golden rule.
11:39And what is that?
11:40Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
11:42Only do it first.
11:43My God.
11:44I don't know.
11:45What?
11:46Oh, I don't know.
11:47Just nothing.
11:48Just thinking.
11:49Thinking what?
11:50How far you and I have drifted apart on the social scene.
11:53I mean, all right, all right.
11:54We're both here.
11:55Right.
11:56But I'm in here because of my keen interest on the finer points of wine.
11:59You're here because you've committed grievous bodily harm on some Scotsman's groin.
12:05Both criminals in the eye of the law, Robert.
12:07Just because you're middle class now, you know, doesn't put you above the law.
12:10It's so unfair.
12:11Oh, my God.
12:12Oh, my God.
12:13I don't know.
12:14I don't know.
12:15What?
12:16Oh, I don't know.
12:17Just nothing.
12:18Just thinking.
12:19Unfair.
12:20All I'm doing is having a nice, social, civilized evening out with the wife.
12:24I'm only here on the strength of a wonky offside rear.
12:27And the breathalyser.
12:28You'd think the police had better things to do, wouldn't you?
12:31Why aren't they out in the streets arresting burglars and rapists and muggers?
12:34Why aren't they out hauling in football hooligans on the rampage in our city?
12:38They are.
12:39That's why I'm here.
12:42Yes.
12:43And why do I have to share my ante room with one of them?
12:46Fancy that, then.
12:47Fancy putting in violent offenders with innocent motorists like me.
12:50What are you in here with me for?
12:52I am here because there is an obvious doubt about my alleged guilt.
12:56It's an obvious case of wrongful arrest, mistaken identity.
13:01Besides, all the cells are full up.
13:04You caught trouble, Euda.
13:05You'll end up in jail, you will.
13:06Well, I have, haven't I?
13:07And who's the first person I bump into?
13:08Ferris.
13:10I'll get chucked out to the badminton club when this league's out, you know.
13:14And wait till Thelma's so encircle ears about it.
13:18It's not funny, you know.
13:19If I'm positive, I'll lose my licence for a year.
13:22I'll lose my licence, automatic.
13:25So unfair.
13:27And it took you years to get it and all, didn't it?
13:32Pardon?
13:33No, but it did, I mean, didn't it?
13:34I mean, it did.
13:38It was the hill starts you kept cocking up, wasn't it?
13:41And the emergency stop.
13:43I was too good at that.
13:45One time the examiner hit his head on the windscreen.
13:48Bang, like that.
13:50How could you expect him to judge me fairly, suffering from concussion?
13:54Years to get it and a moment's indiscretion.
13:59Did you have too much to drink?
14:01Just wine?
14:03Well, you say just wine, but I mean, that could mean just a bottle and a half.
14:07Did you talk to Thelma out there?
14:09I told you no, what's up?
14:11Nothing.
14:14It's so unfair.
14:23We won.
14:25Pardon?
14:26The match, we won.
14:27Really?
14:28Yeah, good game and all.
14:29Best I've seen for ages.
14:30Four bookings, you should have been there.
14:32Too rotten right I should, then I wouldn't be here, would I?
14:34Then all I'd have to suffer would be a fine.
14:37Certainly not a year's suspension.
14:40It's so unfair.
14:44You're, er, you're waiting for the doctor, are you?
14:47Isn't that what happens, you have to see a doctor?
14:49Apparently.
14:51Takes blood, doesn't he?
14:52Or that.
14:54You haven't.
14:55Well, you wouldn't be playing around with it if I had.
14:59True, true.
15:00Why haven't you?
15:02I can't.
15:04Well, you can't have had all that much to drink then, can you?
15:06Oh, that'll stand up in court that way.
15:07That's a perfect bloody defence, that is.
15:10Your Honor, my client must be sober because he can't manage a pee.
15:14Don't get all shirty with me.
15:16Don't get all shirty with me.
15:17I'm only trying to help you, aren't I?
15:20I mean, the longer you can't go, the better it is, surely.
15:24I mean, it must give you more chance to get sober.
15:27I mean, the longer it takes the old doctor to get here, the better, surely.
15:31Yes, yes.
15:33The longer it takes, yes.
15:34And even if you do want to go, don't.
15:37Keep on saying you can't.
15:38They can't prove anything.
15:39You just sit there, defiantly, with your legs crossed.
15:45Defiantly, yes.
15:48Can't prove anything.
15:49On the other hand...
15:51What?
15:52Well, you see, it all depends on your metabolism.
15:55What?
15:56Well, with some people, the alcohol reaches the bloodstream quicker than others.
16:00I mean, it can be to your advantage to have the doctor get here late.
16:03On the other hand, if you do have a certain type of metabolism, the quicker the better.
16:09Well, what sort am I?
16:11That's the point. We don't know, do we?
16:13That is typical of you, that is. You build me up and then...
16:16Oh, rats!
16:18Bob, Bob, I am a pedestrian.
16:20One of the footsore masses of this world who keep our streets safe.
16:23But if I was a driver, I would make very, very sure that I knew all the answers to drinking and driving.
16:29Now, don't look at me like that.
16:30If you drink, don't drive.
16:34If you do, then drink moderately.
16:35If you can't, then wait.
16:37Have a lot of coffee, very sweet, or better still, a jar of honey.
16:40And then, if you must, but only if you must, drive home, but drive carefully.
16:45Then at least you're behaving.
16:46And I think that that is important more than ever these days.
16:50At least you're behaving like a dutiful, responsible, law-abiding citizen.
16:55And if I do all those things and I still get done?
16:58Then you bribe the bloody policeman.
17:00Dear me!
17:01Look, man, you should have had the money already inside your licence.
17:04What?
17:05So when he asks for it...
17:07Oh, I see, sir.
17:08Well, be a bit more careful next time, sir.
17:11Good night, sir. Good night, madam. Pleasant journey.
17:14There you are.
17:15This is not America, you know.
17:17I've never heard of anything so outrageous.
17:18You what? You think the law's above a bit of bribery and corruption?
17:22Dear me, you're so naive, you are.
17:25They live on bribes, the police.
17:28The American police, they live on bribes.
17:31It makes you appreciate what a good job our boys in blue are doing up...
17:35Hello, sir.
17:37Are you trying to take the...
17:38No, no, no, no, that's what you're here for.
17:43Now, just be careful, lad.
17:45Just you be very careful.
17:51I can't.
17:53I can't. I'm trying.
17:55The doctor's on his way.
18:00You've just seen me trying to bribe that one.
18:02You've always been terrified of the law you have,
18:05ever since we nicked that hosepipe from that convalescent home.
18:09Well, the doctor's on his way. That's it, then.
18:12Not necessarily. It all depends on your metabolism.
18:14No, no.
18:15Whatever kind of metabolism you've got after this situation, I'll have the other sort.
18:18Oh, dear me.
18:19All I'm doing is having a nice civilised evening out with the wife.
18:23What, apart from everything else, what was the meal like?
18:28Very good. Very good indeed.
18:30And you only drank wine, did you?
18:31Yes, yes.
18:32Yes, yes.
18:33We had a bottle of white, Chablis, dry, admirable.
18:37And a bottle of Gervais Chambotin, 1969.
18:40All right.
18:42Yes, yes. Very good.
18:44Not unimpressive at all.
18:46Not unimpressive.
18:47Good, good, good.
18:48Not up to your 67, of course.
18:50No, quite, quite, quite.
18:52And it was just you and Thelma?
18:54Yes.
18:55So you must have shot through a bottle and a half at least.
18:58If you put it that way, yes.
19:01And that was all?
19:02Well, I had an aperitif. One does, doesn't one?
19:04Oh, aye, aye. One does.
19:07Small vodka. Ever so small. Tiny vodka.
19:10Oh, and I did have a port.
19:11Oh, you had a port in all, did you?
19:13Yes, excellent. Vintage.
19:15Well, they sent it across.
19:17Compliments of the house.
19:19I could tell, you see.
19:20Tell what?
19:21I would appreciate it, because I was a...
19:24Well, a...
19:25An alcoholic.
19:28A connoisseur.
19:29A drunk in anybody's language.
19:31Dear me, you'd have had to give the police your car to bribe you out of this car.
19:34Guess what, the car's going to be no good to me now, is it, now that I've rotten had it?
19:37A year's suspension. Automatic.
19:40Oh, God, I've always had a clean licence and all.
19:43No claims bonus, that sort of thing.
19:45Well, a few trivial, minor offences.
19:48Parking on a double yellow line outside the dry cleaners.
19:52And, er, speeding in a safari park.
19:57You what?
19:59You scared of the lions, were you?
20:01I was trying to shake off a baboon.
20:05He was on the boot trying to pull off the GB plate.
20:09Scratching all the metal work.
20:11That must have sounded incredible in court.
20:15Yes, well, there'll be no more safari park outings now, will there?
20:19Or picnics, or trips to the Lake District or the Cheviots.
20:23How am I going to get to work?
20:26Thelma will have to drop me off now, but she finishes before me.
20:29That means I'll have to catch the bus home.
20:33And then walk all the way from Western Way in the middle of winter.
20:37And that wind goes right through here.
20:39And then Sunday mornings I won't be able to go for a drink up the coast.
20:42Not unless Malcolm Brown picks me up and he can't bring me back.
20:45Because he always has lunch with his in-laws.
20:47Oh, God!
20:48My whole social life as I know it is finished.
20:52It's over.
20:53As such.
20:55Pull yourself together, man. It's not as bad as all that, honestly.
20:58It is possible to be a pedestrian and still get something out of life.
21:01Like what?
21:03Well, like exercise.
21:05I get plenty of exercise at the badminton club.
21:08Oh, God, I won't be able to do that now.
21:10Not without a car.
21:12It really does mean that much to you, doesn't it?
21:16Yes.
21:18When I got my first car, it was the happiest days of my life.
21:22Nothing's ever topped that feeling, that elation.
21:25Murray and Thelma came close to it, of course.
21:36Well, I'll take that.
21:38What?
21:39You won't lose your license, Bob.
21:41Drive on, baby, drive on.
21:43What are you doing? What are you on about?
21:44They want a sample, don't they?
21:45Well, they're going to get one.
21:46But they don't have to know who's.
21:49You're a car, man.
21:51Shut up, you clown.
21:53You can't.
21:54It's a perfect way out, man.
21:56There's nothing wrong with Collier 74.
22:01Not as good as a 67, mind.
22:04But it's an illegal act in the middle of a bloody police station.
22:07Crafting.
22:09It's a miscarriage of justice.
22:11You'll have a miscarriage if you don't get a grip of yourself.
22:14Well, hurry up, then.
22:15Hurry.
22:23What's wrong?
22:24I can't go.
22:27When you've got me into such a state, I can, in fact, I've got to.
22:35Where is he?
22:37Oh, I'm off duty now.
22:39Tell him the doc will be here in a jiffy.
22:40Yeah.
22:46Oh, I'm sorry, kiddo.
22:48It's all right.
22:49It was a good idea.
22:50It was a good idea.
22:51It would have worked and all.
22:52I know, I know.
22:53It was a good idea.
22:55You forgot that.
22:56Oh, I don't believe it.
22:58I'll have to give blood now.
22:59It can work.
23:00You said so yourself.
23:01Yes, but...
23:02Now, look, kid, it's your license.
23:03Yes, but...
23:04It can work.
23:05You said so yourself.
23:06I'm Dr Mackay.
23:07Who's Ferris?
23:08Is that the name?
23:09Yes, that's right, doctor.
23:10Ferris.
23:11Ferris with two Rs.
23:12You'll be wanting some blood, then, will you?
23:13That's right.
23:14Just roll up to sleep.
23:16That's the thing.
23:17And, eh...
23:18Where did...
23:19Where did the name of you, eh?
23:20On the bypass.
23:21Wasn't that what you said, Mr Ferris?
23:22Ah, yes, on the bypass.
23:23Uh-huh.
23:24Oh, you seem quite compass-mentous to me.
23:26Is that good or bad?
23:27No.
23:28I'll make up two samples, one of which you were attain.
23:30And, eh...
23:31One of which you were attain.
23:34And, eh...
23:35I'll make up two samples, one of which you were attain.
23:37And, eh...
23:38I'll...
23:39Well, I'll make up two samples.
23:41I'll make up two samples, one of which you were attain, and, eh...
23:46And, er, if you like, you can obtain your own private analysis.
23:52OK.
23:53Well, thank you, Doctor.
23:55Right.
23:57Collier?
24:01Well, Collier?
24:04Yes, er, me, Sergeant, me.
24:06Oh, where are you, then? We've got a cell for you now.
24:13A cell?
24:16What do you expect, Bill?
24:17You'll be charged at morning.
24:18Disordinary conduct.
24:22Come on, lad.
24:23Move, laddie!
24:28Come on, I said move!
24:29OK, pal, eh?
24:46Don't have feelings in, eh, pal?
24:47No, no, no.
24:48By next time, we'll have you.
24:50Very sure.
24:51Over there, Jeff.
24:52Psst, Bob!
25:04What happened?
25:05I was fine.
25:06You were fine.
25:07Ten quid.
25:07Just a fine.
25:08Not bound over or anything.
25:09No, no, just a fine.
25:10And the humiliation and the sweat and fear of discovery.
25:13Did you see Thelma?
25:14Of course I went straight round last night.
25:16Only I told her not to come round here this morning, being as how you were supposed to be me.
25:18She knows.
25:19She's an accessory.
25:21How does she take it?
25:23Well, she took it.
25:25Yes, but how?
25:27Well, she sort of reacted.
25:30But how?
25:31Well, with sort of hysterics.
25:35God help us.
25:36I've gone grey overnight.
25:41I have.
25:43I've gone grey overnight.
25:47Cheers.
25:48Cheers.
25:49Look at that.
25:50Clear as a crystal.
25:51Perfect temperature.
25:52It's always good here.
25:53He knows how to keep his beard as Jack.
25:55It's a good drop.
25:56Good drop?
25:56It's the best in the district.
25:58All this wine drinking's ruining your palate.
26:01Yes, well, in future, I shall confine my wine drinking to the house.
26:04And if I go out, I shall take taxes.
26:05I've learned my lesson.
26:07No more drinking and driving.
26:09Ah, well, all's well that ends well.
26:12Cheers.
26:13Cheers.
26:13This is not a celebration, you know, Terry.
26:15Not a celebration to crime.
26:17Well, yes, but we are celebrating, aren't we?
26:19You know, it took me most of the night to get settled in my mind about this.
26:23I did think of confessing.
26:25Then I realised that, well, I hadn't really done anything.
26:28And I would have got off anyway.
26:30Because I remembered.
26:31I have got long-distance metabolism.
26:33Oh, I'm so glad you settled in your mind, Bob.
26:36I did have one nasty moment this morning, though.
26:38What?
26:38When I went to pay the fine with a cheque.
26:40So what?
26:41I nearly paid them with a cheque, man.
26:43That would have looked good, wouldn't it?
26:45Somebody called Terry Collier paying with a cheque bookmarked half-ferries.
26:49I could have been done for passing dud cheques.
26:51Or you could.
26:53Just lucky I had ten quid on me.
26:55Which you owe me, by the way.
26:57Oh, thank you.
26:59Thank you very much.
27:02God knows it's little enough after all I've done for you.
27:06I have saved your entire social life as you know it.
27:09All right, all right.
27:11I'm not ungrateful.
27:11I'm not ungrateful.
27:14Hey.
27:15What?
27:16Well, come on.
27:17Admit it.
27:18Admit what?
27:19Well, who else would have got away with it, eh?
27:21I've told you that's not the way to look at it.
27:23There is nothing to gloat about.
27:25We did, though, didn't we?
27:28Yes, we bloody did.
27:30Right when they do.
27:31We put one over them.
27:32Then who says crime doesn't pay?
27:34At this moment in some secret laboratory, they're going over your blood.
27:37Probably send it back with a note saying,
27:39this horse is unfit for work.
27:42Hey.
27:42What?
27:43Let's have a short celebration.
27:44Good lad.
27:45Jack, Brandy's doubles.
27:47Brandy, a hair of the dog, eh?
27:50Say it, aye.
27:51What did he mean, a hair of the dog?
27:56Well, I was in last night, wasn't I?
27:58You were drinking last night?
27:59I was in, yes.
28:00Yes, but enough to need a hair of the dog.
28:02That's just an expression, man.
28:04An expression used when somebody has got a hangover,
28:06which is something you get if you drink too much.
28:08Now, pull yourself together, man.
28:10I was only drinking beer.
28:11That's not drinking.
28:12Not in the drinking sense.
28:13Only beer?
28:14Your average nightly consumption's a gallon.
28:16You idiot.
28:18You rotten idiot.
28:19You've really dropped me in it this time, haven't you?
28:20You inconsiderate, thoughtless idiot.
28:23Don't you talk to me like that.
28:25I shed my blood for you.
28:28Yes, but what bloody blood?
28:32I was only marginal.
28:34This isn't even red.
28:36It's dark brown.
28:40My God, it's even got a head on it.
28:42LAUGHTER
28:42Oh, what happened to you, whatever happened to me?
28:51What became of the people we used to be?
28:58Oh, what happened to you, whatever happened to me?
29:05What became of the people we used to be?
29:12Oh, what happened to you, whatever happened to me?
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