- 5 months ago
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00:00We're losing control!
00:17We're losing control!
00:22Breaking news! Air Intactive Flight 1433 was way, way off course when it went missing.
00:32But there could have been something that caused the pilot to take the airplane off course.
00:36We have late word that the pilot may have made a last minute maneuver.
00:40No distress call, no mayday signal.
00:43With more on this mid-air mystery...
00:45Both transponders are out, and the plane could be flying hundreds of miles from its scheduled route.
00:52Come on!
00:55We've got a plane.
00:58We're holding the plane here.
01:01We're being to get here.
01:03We're not getting there yet!
01:05The plane is getting there!
01:08We're on the plane.
01:12We're filming this video!
01:16We're in the plane!
01:18Stop.
01:28Douglas.
01:32Hello.
01:37Hello.
01:47Yeah.
01:50Hey, sleepyhead.
01:52Good morning.
01:54What are you doing?
01:55Careful, that's creme de la mare.
01:57I've got to get out of one of the suitcases.
01:58It's like the skin's version of caviar.
02:01What's happening?
02:02It's OK. You're safe.
02:04We're just stranded on a desert island somewhere.
02:07I can't remember. I was watching Lion and then...
02:09Yeah, we started getting major turbulence a couple of hours out of Abu Dhabi.
02:13He didn't miss much, though. He ends up finding his mum using Google Maps.
02:15It's not really a drama. It's not a massive advert for Google Maps.
02:19I'm so confused.
02:21Yeah, I know. It won Oscars.
02:23No. What am I doing here?
02:26Why are you hugging me?
02:28Are there any others?
02:29No, just us.
02:32How long have we been here?
02:33I woke up hours ago, but you don't know what I've been through.
02:37I thought you might be dead.
02:38Isn't there some sort of protocol you should be following?
02:40They didn't train us for this. I mean, if they did, I can't remember.
02:43You just zone out, don't you?
02:45It's like the safety video before take-off.
02:47Cool, people don't watch that shit.
02:49We need to get a fire started.
02:51They'll be on our flight path. They'll be looking for us.
02:54We might have drifted hundreds of miles in the night.
02:56I only heard one paddle.
02:58Hey.
03:04Brat.
03:06It's going to be okay.
03:08I'm so glad I got you on my team.
03:10Well, that wasn't really a choice, was that?
03:12What's that supposed to mean?
03:13I'm just saying there's only two of us, so...
03:15I saved your life twice, Douglas.
03:17And this is how you repay me.
03:18Twice?
03:19Once from drowning and once from economy.
03:21I upgraded you to first class.
03:23I gave you all the pretzels you could eat.
03:25Pyjamas, toothbrush, little salt and pepper shakers.
03:28Look, I appreciate that.
03:29I really do, but...
03:30We have to light a fire.
03:31We've got to work together.
03:35You're right.
03:35We do need to work together.
03:38Together.
03:38Forever.
03:39Well, yes.
03:41In the short term.
03:42We're BFFs, aren't we?
03:43Sorry?
03:44Best friends forever.
03:47Pinky me.
03:48No, look.
03:49Come on.
03:49Come on.
03:50Pinky me.
04:30Yes!
04:51Stop it!
04:53Stop it, quick!
04:58It's the pilot!
05:00Looks like the crabs have been at him.
05:06Oh, my God, he's alive!
05:07I can't do this.
05:09It's not my thing.
05:10Well, you need to help him, Brett.
05:12Maybe he wants us to put him out of his misery.
05:14You can't just let him die.
05:16We're going to have to put a hole in his neck so he can breathe.
05:18Don't worry, I saw them do it on the TV.
05:20What?
05:21Where?
05:21Super, Brett.
05:22He did it on a horse.
05:23Fucking asshole, Brett!
05:28Oh, my God.
05:58Get me! I'm the last Jedi!
06:00What are you doing?
06:01We need those. Are you drunk?
06:04Milk in.
06:05Yes. Have some.
06:06No, it's great.
06:08Woo-hoo-hoo!
06:10Promise not to let off any more, okay?
06:12This is the last one.
06:19Fuck's sake.
06:21You seem like you're on a bit of a downer, mate.
06:24I have to spin in a plane crash.
06:25Look, tomorrow I think we should search the island.
06:29For all we know, there might be some other people.
06:31Ah. So you want to go looking for new friends? Fine.
06:35This isn't about finding new friends, Brett.
06:37I need to get home to my wife and family.
06:39Yeah, me too. I've got heaps of family.
06:42And friends.
06:43I bet they're staging a vigil right now,
06:45bawling their bloody eyes out, thinking I'm dead.
06:48Don't think my wife would be missing me.
06:49If I was your wife, Douglas,
06:52I'd be missing you.
06:54I would be absolutely aching for you.
06:59Well, she left me.
07:01Women.
07:02When will we ever learn?
07:06For someone I thought was my best friend.
07:08Before me.
07:09Let's make a pact right now, okay?
07:11And this is not the drink talking.
07:13When I get back,
07:14we are going to hunt this fucker down.
07:16What's his name?
07:17Magnus.
07:18Yeah, I'm going to hunt him down.
07:20And I will rip him a new arsehole.
07:22I will tear his fucking arsehole to shreds.
07:25No, really.
07:25When I finish with his arsehole,
07:26he won't even look like an arsehole.
07:28He'll look like a duty-crick mess.
07:30Witch between the cheeks of his hairy bum burger.
07:32Brett, I hear you on the arsehole front,
07:34loud and clear.
07:34I've been up in the air for too long now.
07:39You never get to settle down.
07:42At least long haul you get to connect like us.
07:45We really hit it off, didn't we?
07:48Normally you're with a passenger
07:49and then they're gone out of your life forever.
07:52They say they're right,
07:53but they give you the wrong email,
07:55change a digit of their cell.
07:56I know all their tricks.
07:59Oh, it's been a long day.
08:00I'm tired.
08:01How about a quick game of Merry Fuck Kill?
08:03Oh, you're okay.
08:04I might just
08:05go to bed now.
08:21Beat me.
08:34I say we kill him.
08:35What?
08:36I can't let you do this.
08:37You're going to have to search him internally.
08:39He might be concealing weapons up his heel.
08:41What could you fit up there?
08:43You'd be surprised.
08:45Look, he's trying to talk.
08:47Let me take the gag off.
08:48He tried to kill us.
08:49Brett, he's wearing brogues.
08:51He's alerting the other pygmies.
09:11Stab him in the face.
09:12Stab him in the face.
09:13Stab him.
09:14Stab him in the face.
09:15What on earth are you doing?
09:17Oh, thank God.
09:18No, no, no, no.
09:19It's not what it looks like.
09:20Get away from me.
09:21I was trying to untie him.
09:22Look.
09:23Welcome.
09:24Welcome.
09:25I am Brett Sullivan.
09:26I'm with the airline.
09:27I have everything under control.
09:28I've got a name badge.
09:29Here, see?
09:30Oh, yes.
09:30I remember you, the steward.
09:32I can vouch for this man.
09:33He was in our raft.
09:34He's a Christian.
09:35I keep telling you, Susan, this isn't a biblical trial.
09:38Oh, but it is.
09:40There has to be a reason we were all chosen to survive.
09:43What were you doing to him?
09:49He's speaking in tongues.
09:50It was Douglas.
09:51I was trying to untie him.
09:52Why have you got the stick, then?
09:53Yeah.
09:54You.
09:55Yes, you.
09:56Don't, yes.
09:56No, I'm talking to you.
09:57Don't look away.
09:58That is my shawl.
09:59Can you give it back, please?
10:00I wonder why it's stank of old people.
10:03All right, listen, guys.
10:03Do any of you lot know why the plane went down in the first place?
10:07Me, Harriet, and Susan have been cooking up a few theories.
10:10Not this again.
10:11Arnab is convinced there's been some sort of zombie apocalypse.
10:14I think he's got concussion.
10:15Rest assured, we are looking into why the plane came down,
10:18and we will be getting back to each and every one of you shortly.
10:21Has anyone seen my father?
10:23What's he look like?
10:25He's about this tall, angry, hatred in his eyes.
10:29Classic zombie.
10:30Oh, for God.
10:30This is ridiculous.
10:32Please don't take the Lord's name in vain.
10:34Not all of us want to end up in hell, Harriet.
10:36Well, it's a bit late for that.
10:38Do you have any idea where we are?
10:39Uh, I think it's New Island.
10:41Don't they teach you anything other than serving food?
10:43Are you going to let her speak to me like that?
10:45Aren't you meant to be helping us?
10:46She said it again.
10:47Look, I think he's just quite upset.
10:49I'm upset.
10:49Well, he's going through a shitty divorce,
10:51because his best friend's been going up his wife, bam,
10:53like a rat up a bloody drainpipe,
10:54and his kids probably love her new dad, Magnus,
10:56more than they love him.
10:57And I promise to fuck Magnus and fuck his wife.
11:01Kinky.
11:01Or like a cuckold type thing, yeah?
11:03No, not like a cuckold type thing.
11:04Like, like, fuck her up, fucker, not fucker, fucker.
11:07Wait a minute.
11:07Where did that man go?
11:09Oh, fuck.
11:10He's escaping on our raft, bastard.
11:17He's probably terrified you'd torture him
11:19and tie him up again.
11:20Wait, what was that?
11:22I can hear something.
11:31Help me.
11:36What on earth?
11:38Stop him, motherfucker!
11:39No!
11:45Brett.
11:47Brett, are you awake?
11:49Fuckless.
11:50Shh.
11:51They're ruining everything, Brett.
11:53They're spoiling our paradise.
11:55It's supposed to just be us.
11:57Best friends forever, right?
11:58Best friends?
11:59Yeah.
12:00That's why I gave him my personal mobile number.
12:03Let's take these fuckers down.
12:04What are you doing?
12:10What are you doing?
12:17This is what you want, isn't it, Brett?
12:24This is what you want, isn't it?
12:26Brett!
12:26Brett?
12:27Brett?
12:28Brett!
12:29Sorry, I was miles away.
12:34We are gathered here today to say goodbye to the pilot.
12:39Again.
12:41What sort of pilot was Brian?
12:43Well, seeing as the plane's in the ocean and he's dead,
12:46you might think not a great one.
12:48But you'd be wrong.
12:50Some people said he was a rude, obnoxious little prick.
12:54But that was never my experience.
12:59Bon voyage, Captain.
13:02When the last goodbye is spoken and the tears seems wiped away,
13:06and our eyes shall catch a glimpse of glory fair,
13:09then with bounding hearts we'll meet him who hath washed our sins away
13:13in the new Jerusalem.
13:15Thank you, Susan. Thank you very much.
13:17Though the way is sound, I slowly he will hold me with his hand.
13:20Through the dustings of the trials we must go.
13:24And I'll trust him and I'll stay with you.
13:27Okay, thank you, Susan. Thank you.
13:29It was very, very long.
13:32Before the pilot died and passed into the Neverworlds,
13:35he did have one last iron wish.
13:37And that was that I, Brett Sullivan,
13:40be crowned King of the island.
13:43Do you really expect us to believe that?
13:45That's exactly what he said you'd say.
13:47He predicted all this.
13:48Alright, was that before the first time he died or after Arnab attacked him?
13:51Sorry, I just thought he was...
13:52Yeah, we know Arnab.
13:54When we get off this island, I'm going to make a formal complaint about you.
13:57Oh, better people than you have complained about me.
13:59I once had a complaint from Nick Knowles.
14:01Fine. I'm not going to stand around here debating who is or is...
14:03It's me! I am King of the island.
14:05Right, you know what? There are far more pressing matters.
14:08We urgently need food and water.
14:10The King says we need food and water.
14:12Yeah, I agree with what the King said. Plus he gave me this Rolex.
14:15Where did you steal that from?
14:17It was awarded to me, Harriet, by the pilot before he died.
14:20He said he didn't need it where he was going.
14:22It's like the best present I've ever been given.
14:25Thank you, man.
14:26He's like the cool Asian albino uncle I never had.
14:29Right, I'm going to make a start.
14:31Douglas, you can come with me.
14:32Yep.
14:33Right, Brett, what are you going to do?
14:34The most important job of all, of course,
14:36making sure our rescue beacon stays afloat.
14:39Sounds like you want to sit around where else the rest of us work.
14:41Oh, excuse me, Harriet.
14:43So while you're off on your little jolly picking kiwi fruits
14:47and eating bird's eggs,
14:49I shall be here saving the lives of the entire island
14:52by making sure this fire remains lit.
14:55Come on, Douglas.
14:56I suggest we meet back here in two hours.
14:58Oh, snap, you got a Rolex too. Where did you get that one from?
15:00Oh, it's nothing special. Just off one of the ordinary corpses.
15:03Twinsies?
15:04Twinsies.
15:05See you later, guys.
15:06See you all.
15:07Have a good four-inch.
15:08How he ever came to work for an o-line is beyond me.
15:14The man is certifiable.
15:16No.
15:17No.
15:18Someone needs to take charge, Douglas, and I think it should be you.
15:20Me?
15:21Yes, Arnaud and the girl are very stupid.
15:23We need someone stable in charge.
15:25As a retired headmistress, I've overseen countless Duke of Edinburgh awards
15:28and I've, er, 15 years of brown owling under my belt.
15:30Well, shouldn't you do it?
15:31Oh, no, well, I know what young people are like.
15:33No, no, they won't listen to me.
15:34And, I mean, once you're over 40, you're dead to them.
15:36Like they invented sex and rebellion.
15:38I mean, you know, I've gang-banged Douglas.
15:40I once threw a brick at a police dog.
15:42But, er, no, they won't follow me.
15:45You, however.
15:46Yes?
15:47They might listen to you.
15:50This way.
15:51I was tired of my lady.
15:56We'd been together too long.
16:00Like a worn-out recording
16:03Of her favorite song.
16:06So while she lay there sleeping
16:10I read the paper in bed.
16:13If you like piña coladas
16:17And getting caught in the rain
16:20If you're not into yoga
16:23If you have half a brain
16:26I just pray I can get a signal.
16:29I really need to update my Facebook status.
16:31Arnav, I have something I must reveal unto you.
16:35Oh, I like the sound of this.
16:37It's about the plane.
16:39Have you taken God into your life, Arnav?
16:42Yeah, kind of.
16:43Like, I follow Mohammed, Jesus, Buddha, Moses,
16:47Little bit of Ike.
16:48I'm like a mixtape of all religions.
16:53I'm afraid God hasn't finished punishing me
16:55For the terrible thing that I did.
16:57Well, I reckon you're right
16:58Because I still can't bloody swipe it.
17:01Hold on.
17:02I've got an idea.
17:03Why not take over, Douglas?
17:06Become the leader we need if we're going to survive.
17:09Well, er, I'm flattered.
17:12Yes, I am the team leader that debugged Southern Electricity Board's client-facing firmware
17:17But my skill set mainly lies within visualising outcomes through, er,
17:22For God's sake!
17:23That wishy-washy apprentice stuff won't work here.
17:25You need to be stronger.
17:26Firmer.
17:27I'm just like my wife.
17:28What's the matter with you?
17:30Wake up, man.
17:31Are you on something?
17:33Actually, Harriet, I'm AA.
17:36Oh.
17:37God, how boring.
17:38Right.
17:39We're going to have to stop here.
17:40Nature calls.
17:41Oh, okay.
17:42I'll leave you to it.
17:43Oh, no, no, no.
17:44No, don't go.
17:45Dig a hole.
17:46Er, don't you want to just go in those bushes?
17:48Oh, yes, all right.
17:49This'll do.
17:50Er, nice big hole in the bushes.
17:52Chop, chop!
17:53Right.
17:54Okay.
17:59Oh, no, it'll need to be deeper than that.
18:01Really?
18:02And wider.
18:03Er, are you going to actually get in it?
18:05I mean, how wide does it need to be?
18:06I know what I've got to do and what I haven't, if you don't mind.
18:09Right.
18:11Oh!
18:15Oh, oh, oh.
18:17Oh, oh!
18:39Oh, my God.
18:40Oh, oh.
18:41Oh, oh!
18:42Oh, oh!
18:43finally
18:52listen i think it's best that you don't look at this it's pretty messy
18:58apple don't miss a trick they've made it so the undead can't monkey around with their tech
19:05sly fuckers
19:06brett's vlog brett's vlog it is i brett sullivan king of the island an all-round good guy
19:19what a 24 hours it has been there have been highs and lows aplenty we may have crashed
19:27but you know what we're lucky because we landed
19:31in a paradigm
19:34oh shit
19:40there you go oh don't leave me alone we're in the jungle
19:44no just look the other way um maybe sing a song that would be good
19:48can't you sing something else do you know beautiful dreamer
20:00uh yes right try that beautiful dreamer queen of my song
20:09can you pass me a leaf please
20:13uh yes a big one
20:15boat
20:19harriet i've seen a boat
20:21well i haven't finished
20:22well no i have to go
20:23i need my big lead
20:25guys we're saved we're saved by the boat
20:38oh my god
20:40oh my god
20:52oh my god
20:53oh my god
20:56oh my god
21:00i can't take this anymore
21:14i have a confession
21:17it's my fault that the plane crashed
21:21i knew it bitch
21:23i broke my abstinence pledge
21:25cosmos rules of attraction say a five second stare is all it takes
21:30i stared for eight
21:32i'm going to hell and you've all been caught in the crossfire of my sin
21:37oh please you stared at a man and that brought down the plane
21:43oh
21:44oh
21:45oh
21:46oh
21:47oh
21:48oh
21:49oh
21:50oh
21:51oh
21:52oh
21:53oh
21:54oh
21:55oh
21:56oh
21:57oh
21:58oh
21:59oh
22:00oh
22:01it was me
22:02it was the pigby
22:03i can't believe you're doubting me Douglas you're supposed to be my best friend
22:05for god's sake
22:06best friends
22:07i barely know you
22:08i'm telling the truth
22:11i'd never lie to you Douglas
22:13you'll be in my bag
22:14rubbish
22:16look
22:17fuck
22:18he's been biting
22:19i'm so sorry
22:24i
22:25i
22:28He's a life, a certain kind of life, it's never shown on me.
22:50I want my whole life to be
22:55Live with you
22:57Live with you
23:01There's a way
23:02You are through to the voicemail of
23:06Douglas Jennings
23:08Please leave your message after the tone
23:10Right! Who's up for a game of marry, fuck, kill?
23:20Live with you
23:22Live with you
23:24Live with you
23:25As quick as you can, Douglas, choc-choc
23:27Just because we're maroon doesn't mean we can't be grammatically correct
23:30There's so much of this island we haven't explored yet
23:33Well, you can do that, brown ale
23:34Fill your knickers
23:35This could be our one chance to escape this island, Douglas
23:38I know what's going on
23:39We're BFFs
23:41We're better than these dicks
23:42We can't hear you, Brett
23:44You're fucking nuts!
23:46And you can see that next Friday at half ten
23:51It's difficult being this ridiculously good-looking
23:54Derek Zoolander brings the ruckus
23:57The sequel, tomorrow night at nine as a network premiere
24:00Up next, its first date
24:02And its first dates
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