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00:00The BBC wishes to apologise to Harrow Borough FC for the theft of their Under-12s football trophy by Shirley Gossman
00:07and for his use of it in the following programme.
00:10We would like to assure viewers it has been safely returned.
00:18He has come to walk among us.
00:21This is your chance to witness the head-turning talents of psychic medium Shirley Gossman.
00:27Prepare to believe.
00:30Shining, hot man, hot ghost.
00:33He can channel all the dead people you know.
00:40You're famous and dead, do you understand?
00:44Shirley is your vessel, yeah, your happiest friend.
00:49High spirits.
00:50Thank you, thank you, thank you.
01:00Please, you're embarrassing me, don't.
01:02That's right, kneel before me, mortal.
01:05Okay, stop laughing.
01:06Okay, simmer down.
01:08Well, what can I say?
01:10Welcome to the award-winning High Spirits with me, your award-winning host, Shirley Gossman.
01:16Tonight, ladies and gentlemen, you truly are in the presence of greatness.
01:20Join me as we try and bring the world of the winners and the losers just that little bit closer together.
01:30That's right, ladies and gentlemen.
01:35I've won an award!
01:36Okay, all right.
01:39It's actually for the best international TV psychic.
01:42Here he is.
01:43Little golden orb there.
01:46Do you see?
01:47But this award, okay, is as much for you as it is for me.
01:53I'd like to thank all the people that helped me get here today.
01:56And no, I don't mean Marios from Paradise Cars.
02:01She knows what I'm talking about, don't you?
02:04Okay.
02:05But seriously, it's taken years of work to get here.
02:09And there were a lot of times when I could have blown it.
02:13But I luckily never had to go that far.
02:15He knows what I'm talking about.
02:19Okay.
02:20Now, before we go on, ladies and gentlemen, it's bloody good news.
02:25She's back.
02:27It's my faithful spirit guide.
02:29In life, she was German shepherd, and now she's spirit shepherd.
02:34Please welcome, all the way from the netherworld,
02:37Sheba!
02:42Okay, good job.
02:44Don't jump up, don't jump up.
02:46She won't get a sausage.
02:47Oh, great.
02:48All right.
02:49Okay.
02:51All right.
02:52Come on, Sheba, sweetheart.
02:54Right.
02:55Who feels like they're better than everyone else here?
02:59That is a feeling I am getting.
03:01Someone feels better than everybody else.
03:07Who is it?
03:10I've got this impression of someone standing there,
03:13looking at everybody else in the room and thinking,
03:15I am better than all of you put together.
03:19Do you understand?
03:19Do you understand?
03:19Okay.
03:23Let's park that.
03:25All right.
03:26Come on.
03:27Come on, Sheba, darling.
03:28Shirley Goseman's always known he's a winner,
03:35and with him on your side, there's no way you can lose.
03:38Hello, everybody.
03:40I'm Shirley, and I'm going to be working with you today, okay?
03:45Now, your manager deals with team spirit, okay?
03:51Shirley deals with team spirits.
03:54Do you understand?
03:56There's a subtle difference.
03:59Okay.
04:00Everything I do is coming through spirit.
04:03Okay.
04:04Come on, really, let's work it up,
04:05because I don't know much about all this stuff,
04:07but really get, you know, ready.
04:13Who's feeling cold?
04:15Hey?
04:16Who wants a little cuddle?
04:18Shall we warm up?
04:20Getting a little huddle?
04:21No, I'm all right.
04:21I'm feeling all right.
04:23Warm, man.
04:23All right, okay.
04:25I bet you boys have right left, don't you,
04:26in the showers afterwards?
04:29Let's get the balls out of the bags.
04:32Come on.
04:33Have a little root round in my ball bag.
04:36Did you know, in every ball, there is a spirit?
04:39What's he saying?
04:40He's saying, I can't talk, I'm a ball.
04:43All right, okay, I understand.
04:45All right.
04:46I've got Burgess Meredith here, okay?
04:50Now, for those of you who don't know,
04:51he played Mickey in Rocky.
04:53Do you know Rocky?
04:54Right, okay.
04:55Now, what he's saying, through me, okay,
04:57is split into two teams of four.
04:59Right, I'm going to jump on your back,
05:01and then we're going to run down there, okay?
05:03That'll get you really worked up.
05:04Let's go.
05:05Okay.
05:06All right.
05:07This is what I used to do in Rocky.
05:10All right, okay.
05:11Wait.
05:13Come on, Gia.
05:14Come on.
05:15Get your fucking hand off.
05:16Come on.
05:18This is fantastic.
05:20This is Sheba, all right?
05:22Each one of you is going to find a spirit guide,
05:24deep down in the underground.
05:25Just look at me.
05:30Okay.
05:32I know what's in there.
05:34I know what's in there waiting to get out.
05:38I know what's in there.
05:39A big brown bear.
05:41Weevil.
05:41He seemed to think that I had the qualities of a weevil.
05:44Okay, yeah.
05:45Get your little girly laughs out,
05:46because we're going to now make magic.
05:50When I point at you,
05:51I'm going to say your spirit name,
05:53and you're going to tell me
05:54a little bit of information about yourself.
05:55All right.
05:56Getting to know you.
05:58Getting to know all about you.
06:02David Niven.
06:03Just my name is in 22.
06:04Danny's right back to playing for Harrowborough.
06:06Good boy.
06:08We are Harrowborough FC.
06:10We were Harrowborough FC.
06:12And we are trained by Shelly,
06:14using spirits to score some goals.
06:17What's the next bit?
06:18Shelly is a 35-year-old kiddo.
06:21All you do is laugh at my face
06:23since the beginning of this bloody session.
06:25You know why?
06:25Because you haven't even told us
06:26what team you support me.
06:27You come down there.
06:27I don't bloody support any team.
06:29Don't like football.
06:30Come on, Sheba, sweetheart.
06:48Come on.
06:49I feel your pain.
07:00I feel your shame.
07:01But you're not to blame.
07:03Sometimes wet clothes do need an extra spin.
07:06You only sit on top of it
07:07to stop it vibrating around the room.
07:10God bless.
07:11Okay.
07:18This is Spirit Academy.
07:21Just look at me, darling.
07:22Shirley Ghostman's search
07:24for the UK's next psychic superstar.
07:28Get out there.
07:29It's mid-term at Spirit Academy
07:43and the Master is teaching his students
07:46how to deal with troublesome spirits.
07:48Okay.
07:49This is your audience, all right?
07:52An imaginary audience.
07:53And I want you to do a reading.
07:55Is there going to be a real spirit
07:57that's going to come through?
07:58No, what we're doing here
07:59is just so that when you do
08:00do anything like this later,
08:01if a troubled spirit comes through,
08:03you know how to deal with it.
08:04And feeling a man
08:06with grey hair...
08:11You're losing the audience, okay?
08:19Right, okay.
08:21I want you to speak to my mother.
08:23I want you to speak to my mother.
08:24She's in third row,
08:25second, second in from the left.
08:28I have your son here.
08:30He's wanting to come through to you.
08:32No, I'm a daughter.
08:36You've got a poltergeist.
08:38How are you going to deal with it?
08:39This is the spirit over here taking over.
08:41Blondish lady.
08:45But...
08:46They're going to think you're an idiot, okay?
08:52I think this cup came from not a very long time ago.
08:58Found the toy.
09:01Go back!
09:02Our father, who art in heaven.
09:04His sister.
09:05Back now!
09:06Orange toy.
09:09They knew...
09:10You are bloody unbreakable.
09:11...that they had...
09:12...a gorgeous family.
09:14They knew...
09:16...that it was a sign that their family was okay.
09:20Okay.
09:22How do you think you did?
09:26Who should go out?
09:28Kim.
09:32All right.
09:32Easy, Errol.
09:34Let's get to the back!
09:34It's back on!
09:37The name of this game is One of Us.
09:41You link arms around the person who you want out.
09:47One of Us!
09:48One of Us!
09:50One of Us!
09:51One of Us!
09:52One of Us!
09:54One of Us!
09:55One of Us!
09:56One of Us!
09:57Can you stand on the stars?
09:59Hand your head in shame!
10:01One of Us!
10:02One of Us!
10:04One of Us!
10:05One of Us!
10:07One of Us!
10:08One of Us!
10:09One!
10:10That's the clock, son!
10:13Get as much of the plasma as you can out of your body!
10:16Get all the body fluids into the can!
10:27As many bodily fluids as you can!
10:30Ectoclepto!
10:32OK!
10:34Maria, that is a lot of ectoplasm.
10:38That's clearly the most, isn't it?
10:40As winner of this round,
10:43you get to nominate someone out.
10:46Oh, no.
10:48So hold that up high
10:50and nominate who you want out!
10:57Errol.
11:04I'm really sorry, Errol.
11:06There's nothing I can do. It's come from a group.
11:10Hang your head in shame!
11:12You're going to be asylum!
11:16Go on, then.
11:20I'll be honest with you, Errol.
11:22You've obviously got a very good connection with Spirit World.
11:25The world is in a bad place.
11:27I think I gave you my best shot.
11:28Picked up from the rabbit that you've actually been taken advantage of.
11:34Right, Errol, that's fantastic.
11:38OK, well done you!
11:40Alright, I said this, didn't I?
11:42In the auditions, you've got something.
11:44Go back! Our Father, who art in Heaven!
11:45Well done.
11:47Thank you for being patient with me.
11:49Well done.
11:51And I think I've got a feeling I will be back again.
11:54Oh God, I feel so awful. I'm shaking like a leaf.
11:57Next week, the four remaining students must channel the spirits of the dead.
12:02Famous.
12:04Do you miss the other kids from Fame?
12:06All right, OK.
12:16Who has just let one go?
12:20That's the message I'm getting.
12:24Might sound funny, all right?
12:26Laugh it up, all right?
12:28Get it out.
12:29Because at the end of the day, it's not.
12:31Someone just let one go, that's what they're saying.
12:34It's got a deeper meaning than it appears on the surface, all right?
12:39This person doesn't want to own up.
12:41But the people either side could probably let me know.
12:45And then I can give the message to the person.
12:48Would you understand?
12:51I know some of you are reluctant to claim it, all right?
12:54That's because the phrase, whoever smelt it, dealt it, right?
12:58Just pop your hands up.
12:59OK.
13:02How about if I rephrase it, all right?
13:05Who's just let Fluffy off the lead?
13:09Come on, somebody.
13:12I've got my suspicions, all right, but I don't want to point them out.
13:15Is it you?
13:19Is it you?
13:21Is it you?
13:25Is it you?
13:27Are you sure?
13:28I don't want...
13:29I just wondered.
13:31OK.
13:32All right.
13:33All right.
13:34No, it's fine.
13:35I know.
13:36You can talk to me afterwards, all right?
13:37We will be having a break in the minute, so can you?
13:38Toilet.
13:39OK.
13:40Come on.
13:41Come on, sweetheart.
13:42Come on, Sheba.
13:44High Spirits presents The Paranormalists.
13:51Ian Jackson is Shirley's special apprentice.
13:56He's on a mission to uncover the mysteries of the dark arts.
13:59Hello, Gayna.
14:00Good evening, Gayna.
14:01Good evening.
14:02Hello, Gayna.
14:03Hi.
14:04Hi.
14:05Welcome in.
14:06I'm here with Gayna, who's going to teach me about...
14:20Shemani...
14:21Shemani...
14:22What is it?
14:23Shemani...
14:24Shemani...
14:25Shemani...
14:26Shemani...
14:27Shemani...
14:28Shemani...
14:29Shemani...
14:30Shemani...
14:31Yeah.
14:32Trans dance.
14:33Trans dance.
14:34So Gayna, why do you do Germanic trans dance?
14:38It's an old dance dating back about 40,000 years.
14:43And what actually happens when you are doing it?
14:45It's so travels on a journey and you get guided by particular types of animals, power animals
14:50and totem animals.
14:51Turtles?
14:52Totems.
14:53What are they?
14:54Like turtles?
14:55Totems.
14:56What are they?
14:57Like turtles?
14:58Totems.
14:59So the animals come through.
15:01My dog says woof, but I know that he's only joking.
15:05Yeah.
15:06I hope he's only joking, otherwise there will be trouble.
15:09Yeah.
15:10Because the last time he'd done that to me, I rode on his back and broke his legs.
15:14Oh dear.
15:16Right Ian, I'm going to do another exercise with you based on your bat image, like your superhero,
15:22your para-animal totem.
15:24I'm just going to do a countdown, it's like a regression.
15:28Will I go back to an egg?
15:30It's possible, yeah, you could go back to an egg before you were born.
15:34Yeah.
15:35We're going to find out if there's a past life connection with your bat.
15:39So what I'd like you to do is focus on a memory, like your dream with the bat.
15:44Hmm.
15:45All I can think about is a sort of monkey in a zoo once playing with its own poos.
15:51Right.
15:52So do you want to focus on the bat?
15:54Yes.
15:55That would be the best point, yeah.
15:56The bat's changing to a pterodactyl.
15:59It's making like a ooooh noise.
16:01Right.
16:02I've gone right back, way, way back to the beginning and I'm a dinosaur.
16:07You're a dinosaur.
16:08And I'm in a park of people and there's the Richard Attenborough man hatching me from
16:14an egg and I'm coming out and I'm getting really annoyed.
16:21Are you growing now?
16:22Yeah, I'm getting bigger.
16:23Let's open ourselves up.
16:25I'm getting really annoyed because they're keeping me in with electric offences.
16:36Oh dear.
16:37A bit like Jurassic Park.
16:38Yes.
16:39I'm going to chew it's monster and I'm going to take a bite out of the whole of New York.
16:43And when they're chasing me up at the top of the Empire State Building.
16:48I saw Ingo up on the table and in my mind I saw King Kong before he actually said it.
17:06Like I was sort of tapping in on his mental plane.
17:09There's a lady.
17:10I picked up the lady from the car and she's on the top of Empire State Building with me.
17:13She's tiny little.
17:14She's tiny as she.
17:16I can see her glossy.
17:17Are you going to tuck her in your pocket Ian?
17:18Are you going to tuck her in your pocket Ian?
17:19What?
17:20Are you going to save her and tuck her in the pocket?
17:21Yeah.
17:22I could have put her anywhere like.
17:23Does your zip open?
17:24Yes.
17:25No not that one.
17:26On your coat.
17:27There she goes.
17:28Right you can come down now.
17:29She's tickling me.
17:30I've got to save the little lady but I can't because all the helicopters are burning
17:31at me.
17:32What are you doing you fucker?
17:33I've hurt my knee.
17:34Give it a rub Ian.
17:35I've hurt my knee.
17:36They beat me up.
17:37High spirits.
17:38G is for ghosts.
17:39Ghosts are the lost souls of dead people who can't find heaven.
17:40I've hurt my knee.
17:41I've hurt my knee.
17:42I've hurt my knee.
17:44I've hurt my knee.
17:45I've hurt my knee.
17:46I've hurt my knee.
17:47They beat me up.
17:48High spirits.
17:51G is for ghosts.
18:06Ghosts are the lost souls of dead people who can't find heaven.
18:09In a similar way to a light bulb ghosts are able to switch themselves on for short periods
18:14of time to ask the living for directions.
18:17This is known as an apparition.
18:19Ghosts live in a place called Limbo Land which looks a lot like the inside of a ghost
18:25train.
18:26Statistically you are more likely to see a ghost on a ghost train than any other fairground
18:31attraction and the you hear is the exact sound ghosts make when greeting each other.
18:38Ghosts are less afraid of you than you are of them.
18:42Although they can't physically hurt you, you might get scared and fall down some stairs.
18:47Ghost man.
18:51Shush.
18:52Census.
18:53Shush.
18:54Ok ladies and gentlemen can I please have Shushii as I am about to channel spirit.
19:05I know, spirit.
19:26Huh?
19:28It's me.
19:30Ain't you gonna say hello?
19:35It's me, Frankie.
19:40Frankie Sinatra.
19:44You're lucky I'm in a good mood.
19:48Or I'd have broken your goddamn necks.
19:50I could have you people killed, capisce?
19:54You think I'm joking?
19:56Huh?
19:56You see me laughing?
19:58Do you see me laughing?
20:01No, it's right.
20:03Okay.
20:05Don't get wise with me, okay?
20:07Because I swear it takes just one phone call
20:09and you'll be on the next box up here.
20:21You know, I only got two friends in this whole world.
20:24Shirley Ghostman and Sheba.
20:27And I want to do right by them.
20:29This man deserves respect and I don't think he's getting it.
20:36What, you think I can't see you laughing behind your hands, you dumb schmucks?
20:42How many famous deads do you know?
20:44Huh?
20:45Have you had pizza with Lady Di?
20:47I don't think so.
20:48Pinot Grigio with the bard?
20:50Never.
20:51Huh?
20:51Ever play Twister with Gandhi, you bunch of faggots?
20:59You guys are killing me up here, huh?
21:02I'm dying here.
21:03This is the other side of Shirley Ghostman.
21:10The pressures of being a television star are wreaking havoc on Shirley's mind and body.
21:15He's decided to give both a complete overhaul.
21:18So, are you training me, then?
21:20Am I?
21:22I hope so.
21:24That's what I thought.
21:25No one's told me.
21:28Well, I thought you were going to be training me.
21:30No one's told me.
21:31Chris!
21:32Do you want to train me?
21:33Chris!
21:34Your client's here.
21:36How are you?
21:37All right?
21:37Good.
21:39Yeah.
21:39Excellent.
21:40I thought you were going to...
21:41I've got someone else.
21:42I'm sorry, I'm pre-opped.
21:43Has he got someone else?
21:44He's already booked up.
21:45I'm already booked up.
21:46It's just...
21:46So, it's just you?
21:48It's just me.
21:52So, I'm finding it very stressful.
21:58So, you've got a sea of 100 faces staring right at you, looking at you, hoping you're going to say to them,
22:05Oh, yeah, Nan's all right.
22:07She's, you know, everything's coming up roses.
22:09But if I've got Freddie Bloody Mercury coming through, trying to do me a new song or something,
22:15that's what I want to get through.
22:17So, what is the decision-making process you go through at that moment?
22:21Let's say that message comes through.
22:22What do you decide to do?
22:24Well, they're famous.
22:25Mm.
22:29What would you do?
22:30What's wrong with Pop?
22:35Paul's busy with somebody there at the moment, so he won't be able to come by.
22:39How are you feeling on there?
22:40Fine, yeah.
22:41No problem.
22:41Brilliant.
22:43Have you been watching the show?
22:44I haven't.
22:44No.
22:46Sorry.
22:47There you go.
22:48Take a grip of the bar.
22:49Bring it down a bit further so you can get it.
22:52Lovely.
22:52Lovely.
22:55OK.
22:55OK.
22:56Excellent.
22:58That's it.
22:59Nice and gently.
23:00Super.
23:00Yeah, I can do that.
23:01No problem.
23:02Perfect.
23:03Hey, Paul.
23:04Why don't you come train me?
23:08Do you want to swap with Chris?
23:10He wants to swap.
23:12I blame my dad for a lot of things.
23:15Because he comes up through spirit a lot.
23:18Telling me he loves me.
23:20If he had said more of that when he was earthside, perhaps I wouldn't be in the pickle I am.
23:26He keeps saying, sorry, I didn't take you.
23:28When we had the photos done at Olin Mills, the family photos, and I've managed to lock
23:32myself in my room from the outside.
23:34And he keeps saying, sorry for that.
23:36And I had to look after the dog when they went off on the holiday.
23:39But he's apologising for those things now, and it's all forgiven.
23:44Oh, Paul's a bit stronger than you, isn't he?
23:46He's twice the size of me.
23:47Yeah.
23:48Is he free yet or not?
23:49Do you want me to find him again?
23:50Yeah, just see if he's free.
23:51See if he wants to come and help me.
23:52Okay.
23:53Oh, yeah.
23:54I love this.
23:55I can do this.
23:56Come on, Shiva.
23:57Come on.
23:58Just allow those muscles to relax completely.
24:06And drift.
24:11Right, what's going on?
24:12You're supposed to be training her, and you're not.
24:13I've got my next client.
24:14He's coming up.
24:15No.
24:15She's just finished doing her stuff.
24:16Right, come on.
24:17Let's just do five minutes.
24:18No, no, no, no, no.
24:18Come on, Paul.
24:19Just for five minutes.
24:20Come on.
24:20You go.
24:21Go on, man.
24:21Right, come on, man.
24:22Oh, you're good.
24:25You are good.
24:26I can't do that.
24:27Hold on.
24:28Okay.
24:29All right.
24:30Oh, it's bubbling.
24:33Oh, yeah.
24:34I'm not gay.
24:38No one said anything.
24:41All right.
24:41Just so you know.
24:42That's okay.
24:43Okay.
24:43I'm not gay.
24:45You're still feeling relaxed.
24:47Yeah, I am.
24:48But already, because I feel the stress building, because they're going to go, can we do an interview?
24:52How did that work?
24:53Why did that?
24:53What did you think of?
24:55How did you think of that, Shirley?
24:56What's that, Shirley?
24:57How can you do that, Shirley?
24:59What are you going to do for the music tomorrow, Shirley?
25:01I'm going to go faster than this.
25:02You can.
25:03Carry on.
25:04I can do this.
25:05I can do this.
25:06I can.
25:07Oh, God.
25:08Oh, God.
25:09Oh, God.
25:09You haven't sorted in songs, Shirley, so you've got to sorted in songs, Shirley.
25:14And what have you done with the wedding cake, Shirley?
25:16Because there's ice thing around your mouth, Shirley, so I know you've done something with it, Shirley.
25:19Do you know what you're doing right now?
25:20And you keep, and you keep, and there's no point crying, Shirley.
25:22No point crying, because you've gone and ruined Aunt Sheila's wedding, and you've ruined it for everybody, Shirley.
25:27Shh.
25:27One moment.
25:28Do you know what you're doing?
25:30Right now.
25:31What?
25:32You're building up stress over something that hasn't yet happened.
25:43Yeah, I'm still here, you dirty greaseballs.
25:48But before I go, listen up.
25:50If you crush Shirley, you crush me.
25:53And if you crush me, I'm going to have your ass.
25:57You dumb faggot schmucks.
26:09Get licking my butt.
26:13I'm gonna pop a cock in it, your ass, your ass.
26:22I'm gonna stick it there, then stick it anywhere.
26:32It's down to you.
26:34It's your ass.
26:37Take it away, Gandy.
26:48I'm out of here, you spaggots.
26:52There's a hoax.
26:53I'm out of here, you spaggots.
27:15Shirley hasn't made me any more of a stronger believer.
27:19but you know I trust her and what she what she has to say I believe bits in
27:26the program are normal yeah not as much as that
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