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  • 7 weeks ago
Here We Go S03E04

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Transcript
00:00Do you know what? It's got a beautiful action.
00:07Right, stop smelling him, Robin.
00:10He's got a hell of a grip. Thank you.
00:13Ah, any sign of him your side, Sam?
00:16Nothing yet, no.
00:17All right, there. I think that's for me. That's for me, that is.
00:21What accent are you trying to do, Rachel?
00:23What accent? Your one. Your accent, Sue.
00:26It's quite good now.
00:27You don't need to do the voice, surely. Of course she does.
00:30Postman's not going to hand over the sewing machine
00:32if he doesn't think your mother lives in that house, Amy.
00:34I do live in that house, la.
00:36Stop saying la. No.
00:38And you've got to be more glottal, babe, OK?
00:40You've got to activate the glottal, so, like...
00:43Me shirt's all sticky. Stiggy?
00:46Me shirt is sticky, me shirt.
00:48I mean, that was even worse.
00:50Why would I need to say that? My shirt's all stacked up.
00:52My own son can't do the accent, honestly.
00:55I think I can. Our family's lost all connection to home.
00:58I can do the accent, Mum. All connection to home.
01:00All connection to home. All right?
01:01All connection to home. That was good, wasn't it?
01:02All connection to home. No.
01:04Don't mock me, Rachel. Don't mock me.
01:06That's it. That's it.
01:08Mock me. Stop it!
01:09Can we just just calm down? Stop it!
01:12Let's just get Granny to say it's her house.
01:15I need someone who can do the accent.
01:17That's not a bad idea, actually, Sue.
01:18I'm terrible at accents.
01:20It's not... It's your accent, Mum!
01:22Yeah.
01:23Yeah, it's easy. Just wait in the driveway for the postman
01:26and then tell them that you're Ann Abbott and you're expecting a parcel.
01:29Ann Abbott can't pretend to be an Abbott, not in these clothes.
01:33No, no, no. As in the person I sent it to is called Ann Abbott.
01:37Oh, my God. Why lie at all? Why not just knock on the door and confront the people who scammed you?
01:41Because they could be gangsters, Amy.
01:43Because he's scared, basically.
01:44Dad. And they could be armed.
01:45Some policeman you are.
01:46Posty Dad. He's there right now.
01:48Oh, my God. Quickly.
01:50What should we do? What should we do, Paul?
01:52Abort.
01:53Abort.
01:54Yes, abort.
01:55No, don't.
01:56Heads down.
01:57Oh, God. Hide.
01:58Head down.
01:59You've been compromised.
02:00Aw.
02:01I know.
02:02Very cute.
02:03Aw.
02:04Yeah.
02:05He's so gorgeous, Gerald.
02:06Yeah.
02:07He's got my face.
02:08He has.
02:09And my thighs.
02:10Sensational thighs.
02:11But he has got Robin's weird long toes.
02:13Yeah, he has, yeah.
02:14And he's got my vibe, as well, apparently.
02:16Aw.
02:17Vibe? What vibe is that?
02:18Just that he's, you know, a bit much.
02:20Yeah.
02:21Can be, when he's awake.
02:22Yeah.
02:23Aw.
02:24What made you go for Atlas as a name?
02:26Well...
02:27I mean, I love it.
02:28I love it.
02:29I just saw it in a book, yeah.
02:30Which book?
02:31Was it an atlas?
02:32No, like, baby names, but...
02:33Oh.
02:34Yeah.
02:35No, name-wise, it was between Atlas, Lion, Lord, Granite, Wonder or Magic.
02:40Yeah.
02:41Okay.
02:42Yeah.
02:43You're great.
02:44I think you drove the world out, guys.
02:45Yeah, we did.
02:46Thank you so much.
02:47And we've got a little cuddly ear for him.
02:49Oh.
02:50Because Atlas.
02:51Oh.
02:52I love it.
02:53Yeah.
02:54Yeah, he's got the whole world in his house.
02:55Oh.
02:56Yes.
02:57Very appropriate, that is, isn't it?
02:58Little toy bin thing for him.
02:59Oh.
03:00Oh, what's that?
03:01That's it?
03:02Oh, no, that's mine.
03:03That's mine.
03:04But it's tiny.
03:05Yeah, he got scammed.
03:06Oh.
03:07I didn't get scammed.
03:08Wow.
03:09I wanted a garden waste bin, right?
03:10And the council were going to charge me 50 quid for it.
03:11Right.
03:12So I went online and...
03:13Got scammed.
03:14No, I didn't check the dimensions.
03:15Yeah.
03:16Yeah, I mean, I'll find a use for it.
03:17Yeah, if you want to chuck away one blade of grass at a time.
03:20Yeah, whatever.
03:21Ah, very good.
03:22Oh, Paul.
03:23You gullible goon.
03:25Yeah.
03:26Well, you can talk, Mum.
03:27It's far more sophisticated than the scam you felt for.
03:29Oh, no.
03:30So what happened?
03:31Oh, was it one of those fake coppers to monitor your bank details?
03:34It wasn't a scam.
03:36What?
03:37Yeah, right.
03:38She paid a window cleaner who came to the door 40 pounds in advance
03:42and says you need to go and buy sponges.
03:44Oh.
03:45So that does not sound good.
03:47Yeah.
03:48Colin will be back.
03:49As soon as he's got his Japanese sponges...
03:51That's what?
03:52..he'll clean your yucky old windows.
03:53Yeah, right.
03:54Oh, yeah, they mean you.
03:55Yeah.
03:56Oh, God.
03:57Ah, there he is, you see?
03:58Oh, well.
03:59Oh, as if.
04:00Can Sam get dressed?
04:01You've got school.
04:02I know.
04:03I will.
04:04Oh, don't do the arms.
04:05Guess who just got scouted.
04:06Scouted?
04:07What?
04:08What do you mean?
04:09Oh, God, she's been walking like that the whole way here.
04:11Taking us ages.
04:12Take it in, suckers.
04:14Take a good long look at Bedford's next top model.
04:18What's all this?
04:19Nah.
04:20Well, you know how you've been saying I'll never get a job moping about the shopping centre?
04:23Well, egg on your face.
04:25Because I just got scouted outside Superdrug by Blue Diamond Models UK.
04:30They've heard of him.
04:31Oh, well done, Amy.
04:33I mean, she literally didn't do anything, but...
04:35Thanks, Granny.
04:36Sue, these were at the door for you.
04:38Oh, thanks, my love.
04:39I can't believe this.
04:40No.
04:41I am always outside that Superdrug in the eye.
04:43I have never been scouted once.
04:44Well, they probably think you already are a model though, babe.
04:48East J, yeah.
04:49Oh, actually, Mum, can I borrow the sewing machine?
04:52I need to fix my clean shirt for the headshots.
04:54Well, you'll have to be quick because I'm about to sell it on eBay.
04:56But, Amy, you're not really going to be a model.
04:58Yeah, of course.
04:59Why not?
05:00Darren said it's guaranteed work.
05:01I just need to front the headshot costs and I'll be off to castings.
05:04Paris, here I come, baby.
05:06Front the headshots.
05:07How much is that?
05:08Er, like...
05:09300 quid?
05:10Oh, right.
05:11Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.
05:12What?
05:13Ding, ding, ding.
05:14No?
05:15Ding, ding.
05:16That's alarm bells, everyone.
05:17Oh, yeah.
05:18No?
05:19In what way?
05:20Well, since when does a proper modelling agency ask for money up front?
05:22No, this one's proper.
05:23Darren's legit, right?
05:24Mmm, Darren.
05:25Darren.
05:26Well, I mean, it was a bit weird that he had a card reader on him.
05:29But, maybe.
05:30Not with.
05:31No, I mean, I'm going to stick to my actual job that involves, you know, my brain.
05:35But, if you want to be a human coat hanger, then sure, knock yourself out.
05:39What?
05:40So, you were scouted too?
05:41Yeah, we both were.
05:42Oh, well, then that's definitely a scam.
05:43Oh!
05:44Excuse me.
05:45No, I mean, I didn't mean like that.
05:46Didn't mean like that.
05:47Maya, you are gorgeous, all right?
05:48You're fit.
05:49I'm fit.
05:50Make it work.
05:51Well, what I'm saying is it sounds like Darren De Monte.
05:54Yeah.
05:55Wasn't being very picky.
05:56No offence.
05:57None taken.
05:58You have no idea what you're talking about.
06:00It's not a scam.
06:01I'm doing it.
06:02Well, don't come crying to me when you need to file a police report.
06:04You wouldn't report it to Billy Nome at some basement anyway.
06:07He's not in there.
06:08Wrong.
06:09Wrong.
06:10I have been assigned field work as of today.
06:12Yeah, also, Rachel does know what she's talking about, Ames, because, yes, she used to
06:16be a model herself back in the day.
06:18Yeah, what?
06:19Really?
06:20Did you?
06:21What?
06:22Rach!
06:23Oh, my God.
06:24Embarrassing.
06:25Yeah, briefly.
06:26Briefly.
06:27Oh, you mean like when they use real women?
06:28It's not like that.
06:29Is that what it is, yeah?
06:30No, not like that.
06:31We've still got the magazines knocking about somewhere.
06:33Magazines?
06:34Yeah.
06:35A couple, yeah.
06:36Yeah?
06:37You were in magazines?
06:38Yeah, no, I was, yeah.
06:39So, you know, I'm well-placed to know that the modelling industry can be exploitative and
06:43gross.
06:44Yeah.
06:45So, you should stay well away from it.
06:46Trust me.
06:47Actually, babe, we should get out the centre modelling.
06:48The state of him.
06:49Oh, my God.
06:50Jane would smash it.
06:51Yeah, well, that's basically the opposite of what I was just saying.
06:53Oh, he's a beautiful baby, to be fair.
06:55And a rest, babe.
06:56I mean, look at him.
06:57This little fitty needs to get to market right now.
07:00In fact, I might take him out into the Jardin and do a few candies.
07:02Now he's awake.
07:03Yeah, we'll take some of me as well.
07:05Of course we will.
07:06Madonna and chart.
07:07Oh, could you wash my shirt then, Granny, if I bring it over?
07:10Granny?
07:11Uncle Eric's died.
07:13What?
07:14Oh, Granny.
07:15What's that, Mum?
07:16Uncle Eric died last year.
07:19Ninety-two he was.
07:21No-one even told me.
07:23Oh, Mum.
07:25Is he...
07:27Who is he?
07:28My dad's younger brother.
07:30Right.
07:31He lived with us when I was a girl.
07:33Oh.
07:34Oh, dear, they want me to go up there.
07:36Would you come with me, Paul?
07:39To Liverpool?
07:40I mean, ideally not.
07:42Who wants you to go there soon?
07:45The solicitor.
07:46I'm an executor of his estate, apparently.
07:49Estate?
07:50What kind of estate?
07:52Well, now you're interested.
07:53It's not going to be a National Trust one, is it?
07:55Well, we don't know.
07:56OK.
07:57I'm not wanting to sound callous, but would it be worth our while going there?
08:01Yes, that sounds very callous.
08:02Well, of course it would.
08:04We could go down memory lane, see the old house.
08:08We'll show you where you come from.
08:10I'd actually love to do that.
08:12We could stay a few days, make a trip of it.
08:15Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
08:17Mum, we're not going on holiday to Liverpool.
08:21Why not?
08:23Well, holidays should be somewhere warm and nice.
08:27And we can't afford it.
08:28Yeah, and we can't afford it.
08:29Crucially, you should have lived with that.
08:30That's the main reason.
08:32Maybe, why don't you call the solicitor and ask what we've been left
08:36and we'll discuss it when I'm back from work, OK?
08:39I'm happy to go with your granny.
08:40Well, you're just happy to miss school, Sam.
08:43School, Sam!
08:44Yeah, I...
08:45Get dressed!
08:46Come on!
08:47Wow.
08:48Go, now!
08:49Mum, slow down, speed bump!
08:51Oh, God.
08:52How does it take you 40 minutes to get some clothes on?
08:54It wasn't that long.
08:55Is that Dad?
08:57What?
08:58What's he doing?
08:59Is it?
09:00Yeah.
09:0183.
09:02Why don't you just talk to the postman?
09:04It's the rules.
09:06I'm not allowed to apprehend a criminal on my own.
09:08I have to call for backup.
09:09Well, so we just let someone scam us, do we?
09:11Great.
09:12Well...
09:13Look, it was only a sewing machine, Rachel.
09:15It's not as if they stole one of your kidneys.
09:18Here we go, then.
09:20Paul!
09:21Number 89!
09:22We're here, look!
09:23Uh-oh.
09:24This is it.
09:25Here?
09:26Is in the...
09:27this place?
09:28Yep.
09:2989 Kinbury Road.
09:31Come on, then.
09:32Oh.
09:33Oh.
09:34Sorry, this is what?
09:35Granny's old house.
09:36Oh, no.
09:37This was the living room here.
09:39Oh, okay.
09:40Yeah.
09:41Wow.
09:42And our kitchen was similar to theirs, actually.
09:43Really?
09:44Less, you know, chicken.
09:45Well, yeah, that makes sense, yeah.
09:47Yeah.
09:48Yeah.
09:49And the furniture was all different back then, of course.
09:52Yeah, no, sure.
09:53Do you use wands, anything?
09:55Oh.
09:56Oh, no, sorry, no.
09:57We're just browsing, thank you, yeah.
09:59I used to live here.
10:01What?
10:02In here?
10:03Yeah, I mean, before it was a restaurant, obviously.
10:05Restaurant?
10:06Yeah.
10:07Would I be able to have a look back there?
10:09It used to be my bedroom.
10:11Oh.
10:12I wouldn't.
10:14Oh, right.
10:15Why's that?
10:16Well, presumably because it's unspeakably awful back there, Mum.
10:19Probably, yeah.
10:20Can I get the popcorn chicken, please?
10:22No, no, Sam, we're not stopping.
10:23We've got to be at the solicitors in 20 minutes, so...
10:25It's fine.
10:26It's ready now.
10:27We don't make it fresh.
10:28Oh, that is a great selling point.
10:30Cool.
10:31Thanks, man.
10:32Popcorn chicken.
10:33Yeah.
10:34It's like two different things, isn't it?
10:36You know?
10:37It's like saying, lettuce beef.
10:40Not really.
10:41Sorry about him.
10:4228 and a 20!
10:43Is against the law, Rachel.
10:44Oh, whatever.
10:45Whatever.
10:46Don't blame the operative.
10:47Oh, the operative.
10:48The guy crouching in a bin.
10:50Near a bin.
10:51Not in a bin.
10:52I'm not the grumpy muppet from Sesame Street.
10:54Oscar the Grouch.
10:55Yeah.
10:56With a creepy muppet catching a mum on the school run.
10:58Not creepy.
10:59Look at that.
11:00Aren't they sparkly?
11:01I told you he'd come back, didn't I?
11:03Ah.
11:04Yeah.
11:05No.
11:06Colin's doing a good job, Mum.
11:07I stand corrected.
11:08Yes, thank you, Sue.
11:09At least someone is actually helping his family.
11:11It's the Japanese sponges.
11:13You could eat your dinner off that.
11:15I mean, you'd have to be quick and choose a fairly adhesive food.
11:18Like an omelette.
11:19I was going to say omelette.
11:20Yeah.
11:21Nice one, mate.
11:22Noodles.
11:23Oh, Paul.
11:24Sticky rice.
11:25The solicitor got back to me up in Liverpool.
11:27Go on.
11:28Uncle Eric has left me a painting.
11:30A painting?
11:31Well, who's it by?
11:33Who's it by?
11:34Well, it's not going to be a Rembrandt, is it?
11:35Well, it might be one of the old masters.
11:37We don't know.
11:38Stop being so grasping.
11:39If you want more money, stop giving speeding tickets to your own family.
11:42Yeah, or stop speeding.
11:44Twenty-eight, isn't it?
11:45Oh!
11:46Oh, my God!
11:47It's only Robin.
11:48What happened?
11:49And Sherry.
11:50Oh, God!
11:51I thought it was open.
11:52What's all that about, then?
11:53Oh, yeah.
11:54Colin came back.
11:55Those windows are as clean as the fish is, Willie.
11:58Oh, really?
11:59Oh, what?
12:00That's not a saying, is it?
12:01Well, now.
12:02Dollop of humble pie for table one, I think, Paolo.
12:03Look at that.
12:04The guy's a glass whisperer.
12:05You can eat your dinner off that.
12:06I know, yeah.
12:07So long as it's something sticky.
12:08Sure.
12:09Porridge, choccy mousse.
12:10We were thinking omelette.
12:11Love omelette.
12:12Oh, Cheryl.
12:13You look like an American superstar.
12:15Oh.
12:16Yeah.
12:17Are those crocodile skin leggings?
12:18Oh, crog-ins.
12:19Yeah, cheers.
12:20And since when have you been wearing glasses, then?
12:23No, no, look, they're clear.
12:24Ah.
12:25Atlas has got a casting later, so he wanted to look a bit more media.
12:28You know.
12:29Glasse, please.
12:30Ciao.
12:31So, what?
12:32Have you got him an agent?
12:33No, no.
12:34There's his ad there doing, like, open auditions.
12:36I'm his agent.
12:37Look at this.
12:38Robin Hankey, CEO, Hot Tots Talent Management.
12:41Ciao.
12:42Hot Tots.
12:43Ciao.
12:44So you've started your own agency?
12:45Well, yes.
12:46I've printed out ten business cards.
12:47So, I mean, I guess I've just...
12:49Committed fraud?
12:50Minor fraud, Sam.
12:51Very minor.
12:52Don't bang me up, officer.
12:53I joke.
12:54He would, you know.
12:55He's already given me a speeding ticket.
12:56Oh, you dirty knock.
12:58No.
12:59I didn't know it was her.
13:00I was just pointing the gun at any fast car.
13:02No.
13:0328 in a 20.
13:04Don't blame me.
13:05Fair play, Rach.
13:06The gun don't lie.
13:07Yeah.
13:08Doorbell.
13:09Someone.
13:10Alright.
13:11What kind of advert is it?
13:12Will Atlas have any lines?
13:14Lines?
13:15Oh, God.
13:16No, I hope not, Sue.
13:17He can't talk.
13:18The lipstick's called Livid Peach.
13:19Alright.
13:20I've had my hair done, look.
13:21Right.
13:22Oh, okay.
13:23Going through with the head shots, Amy.
13:24Well, I'm taking an amazing opportunity, yeah.
13:26It's free money.
13:27For the photographer, sure.
13:29Oh, my God, Dad.
13:30It's not a scam.
13:31Well, I very much think it could be.
13:32Yeah, and you also thought the window cleaner wasn't coming back and you bought a totally
13:36useless wheelie small wheelie bin.
13:38It's not useless, thank you.
13:40Because now, it's where I keep my peppermints.
13:42And look, you know, I'm not saying my scam radar's faultless, Amy.
13:47I'm just saying that any idiot can get business cards and claim to run a modelling agency.
13:51Don't I know it.
13:52Oh, oh, great.
13:53In fact, I found the old portfolio.
13:56Oh, no.
13:57Oh, my God, no.
13:58Peter Bilby's office supplies.
14:00Oh, don't get it out.
14:01Oh.
14:02Oh, my God.
14:03No way.
14:04I mean, that's not a magazine.
14:05No.
14:06Well, yeah, no, it is.
14:07It's a catalogue.
14:08Same thing, isn't it?
14:09It is.
14:10It is.
14:11Wow.
14:12Look at that.
14:13Stunning.
14:14Oh, she takes me back.
14:15Yeah, I bet.
14:16Yeah, no, I'll have you know that Peter Bilby was a very high-end supplier.
14:18Yeah, I think I've heard about his Milan shows.
14:20That's a lovely filing cabinet.
14:22Exactly.
14:23Thank you, Sid.
14:24And also, check this one out.
14:25There's one.
14:26There's one.
14:27Domestic Innovations Wholesales UK.
14:29Wow.
14:30Yeah.
14:31Oh.
14:32Oh, my God.
14:33Oh, wow.
14:34Green.
14:35It's Milli Vanilli.
14:36Is that you?
14:37You've got your hand down the choice.
14:39That's right, then.
14:40Are you wearing a bug brush?
14:42It's a brush glove, yeah.
14:43It's fashion of a kind.
14:44It's the featured product.
14:45You know.
14:46I mean, let this be a warning to you, Amy.
14:48You know, these agents, they promise yours, but you might end up, you know...
14:51With your arm in the toilet!
14:53And your career down there as well.
14:55Yeah, I know.
14:56Great advice, Mum.
14:57I...
14:58You won't wear that in my head shop.
14:59Yeah.
15:00Oh, did you manage to wash that shirt, Granny?
15:02Oh, yeah.
15:03I meant to say, you know, the placket's a bit frayed.
15:06Er...
15:07You know, the bit with the bottom holes.
15:08Oh, yeah.
15:09I know, I know.
15:10I need to...
15:11Mum, where's that sewing machine?
15:12Er...
15:13Oh, I posted it this morning.
15:14It's gone.
15:15But...
15:16I asked to borrow it.
15:17No, two weeks ago.
15:18I sold it.
15:19You have to do it by hand.
15:20Well, that'll offset the speeding ticket.
15:21How much do you get for it?
15:22It will be £250.
15:23Will be?
15:24Why will be?
15:25Er...
15:26Because the buyer asked me to send it off first, and then let them know to post it so they
15:29can reimburse me in full.
15:30Oh, Mum.
15:31Wow.
15:32What?
15:33Yeah, Rach, my scam radar's going mad.
15:35What?
15:36Why?
15:37Yeah, they definitely should have paid you before you sent it back.
15:39Really?
15:40Well, I thought they'd have just been nice.
15:41Nice?
15:42Oh, no.
15:43Oh, no.
15:44Has the buyer got any reviews, or what's the star rating like?
15:46Oh, checking.
15:47Just checking.
15:48Oh, God.
15:49Oh, God.
15:50No.
15:51No reviews at all.
15:52Oh, true.
15:53Yeah, it's the first thing they've bought.
15:54Yeah, that's a scam, Mum.
15:56All day long.
15:57Why?
15:58Why do I bother?
15:59Why do I ever bother doing anything?
16:01No, I don't know.
16:02I mean, it won't have arrived yet.
16:05Oh, that's a point.
16:06If you only sent it this morning, you could, you know, intercept it before it gets there.
16:10Yes, love it.
16:11Vigilante-style-y.
16:12Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, no.
16:14No, these guys, they could be hardened criminal gangsters.
16:17Well, you do it, then.
16:18You're the copper.
16:19Make yourself useful for once.
16:20Yeah.
16:21I mean, where did you send it, Mum?
16:22Er, Anne Abbott, 17 Lucknow Park, Birkenhead.
16:25Where?
16:26Oh, that's right, by Liverpool.
16:28We can do the double.
16:29Oh, Rachel, this is meant to be.
16:31Yeah.
16:32I mean, we'd have to leave, like, this afternoon.
16:34Great.
16:35Okay, wait for me.
16:36My photo shoot's in, like, an hour.
16:37Where's the shirt, Granny?
16:38Nope.
16:39Hanging up in the garden, look.
16:40Oh, right, okay.
16:41Yeah, well, watch out, Amy.
16:42No, no, no!
16:43Oh, God!
16:44Oh, God!
16:45Oh, Amy!
16:46Amy!
16:47God!
16:48Oh, she's all right.
16:49She's all right, love.
16:50Oh, my God.
16:51What?
16:52At least just laugh.
16:53Oh!
16:54That was his first ever laugh.
16:56Oh, fantastic!
16:57Oh, well done, Anne.
16:59There go the headshots.
17:00It was pretty funny, to be fair for them.
17:09It's beneath you, you know?
17:11No, no, no, no, modelling.
17:14Oh.
17:15It's a blessing you couldn't do the headshots.
17:17You've got so much more to offer.
17:19Mmm.
17:20I'm not sure I have, actually.
17:21I thought you and Graham were going to set up a band.
17:24Yeah, no, that's a stupid idea.
17:26Not stupid.
17:27Brave, maybe.
17:29But that's why it's worth doing it.
17:31It takes work.
17:34Hi, so sorry to keep you.
17:36Sam, wonderful location you've got here.
17:39So near Breck Road, do they still do the open-air market?
17:43Er, I don't know.
17:45Oh.
17:46At least you've got Mr Gibbons on the corner for your sarnies.
17:50That's flats now.
17:51Yeah, can you please stop aggressively reminiscing
17:53with someone clearly in their 30s?
17:55It won't work.
17:56Sorry, is that Shredder from Peter Bilby's office supplies?
18:00I mean...
18:01No.
18:02I...
18:03It was here when I moved in.
18:04I think it is.
18:05And here, Rach.
18:06I think it is.
18:07Can you please...
18:08Sorry.
18:09Sorry.
18:10Just tell us about the painting.
18:11Yes, the painting.
18:12Yes.
18:13So size-wise, we've got a Ford Galaxy, right?
18:16So if it's a big old Rothko or Fresco, then we can maybe strap it to the roof.
18:20Yeah, I wish.
18:21I think.
18:22Roof of the car.
18:23Erm...
18:24So...
18:25What's it?
18:26Her.
18:27That's the painting Eric wanted Sue to have.
18:30That's the painting.
18:31Yeah, I reckon we'll get that in the car.
18:34Er...
18:35We'll...
18:36We'll get it in the car, right?
18:37Do you have provenance?
18:38Provenance.
18:39Provenance.
18:40I don't...
18:41It's the term.
18:42No, I know.
18:43I'm not an art expert.
18:44No, you're not.
18:45Who's...
18:46Is it by someone?
18:47Well, I suppose it has to be.
18:49Because I know that modern art is famously bad, but that's worse than normal.
18:55Yeah.
18:56It's...
18:57I don't think it's by a famous artist, no.
18:58No.
18:59I mean, I don't know who it's by.
19:01Well, so what?
19:02We've come all this way?
19:04Oh.
19:05To collect something that would be binned in an asylum?
19:08Oh, my goodness.
19:09I mean...
19:10Well, that's...
19:11Waste of time.
19:12Well, that's a scam, frankly.
19:13It's a scam.
19:14It's me.
19:15No, Mum.
19:16It's...
19:17It's by me.
19:18I painted it.
19:19It's me and...
19:20Oh, Claric.
19:21Oh.
19:22Oh.
19:23Oh.
19:24Oh.
19:25Oh.
19:26Oh.
19:27Oh.
19:28Oh, Sue, that...
19:31That is so beautiful.
19:33Yeah.
19:34Yeah.
19:35Stunning.
19:36Look at the colours.
19:37Gorgeous.
19:38The shapes in the blob.
19:40It is.
19:41It is.
19:42That's special.
19:43And...
19:44And...
19:45And when I said asylum, I didn't mean as in, you know...
19:49I mean, you get a fair few troubled geniuses, don't you?
19:51Oh, gosh, you do.
19:52You know?
19:53In the art world.
19:54You do.
19:55Yeah.
19:56What's with the plate on his head?
19:57I wondered that.
19:58No, that's a beret.
19:59He was in the Navy.
20:00Oh, was he?
20:01Really?
20:02Yeah.
20:03Indeed he was.
20:04He left you these as well.
20:05Oh.
20:06Whoa.
20:07Sick.
20:08Including a distinguished service medal for carrying two injured men to safety during enemy bombardments.
20:15Oh, wow.
20:16Oh, my God.
20:17What a hero.
20:18And his police medals here.
20:20The police?
20:21Oh, yeah, that's right.
20:23He joined the force after he left the Navy.
20:25What?
20:26Well, no wonder I became a cop.
20:28It's in the blood.
20:29I'm a police officer.
20:31The medals may be valuable, in fact.
20:33Oh, really?
20:34If you were looking to sell them.
20:35Yes, definitely.
20:36No way.
20:37No way.
20:38Not at all.
20:39Just more definition in the eyebrows.
20:40No, I know.
20:41I know, I know you do, I'm just saying.
20:42I'm not doing brows, I'm doing shape.
20:43Oh, hello.
20:44Hello.
20:45Sorry.
20:46Yeah, that's the boy's cousin.
20:48Beat it up.
20:49It's not some random perv.
20:50Okay.
20:51Right, well, do you want to bring lovely Atlas over here and just pop him between the legs?
20:56Yeah, just pop between the legs and then...
20:58Oh, sorry, the bear?
20:59The bear's legs.
21:00Yes, that makes more sense.
21:01Yeah.
21:02Put him down here.
21:03Okay.
21:04So, mum and...
21:05Is it agent?
21:06Agent slash dad, chow.
21:09What we're looking for is a lovely big smile.
21:12Okay.
21:13Um...
21:14From Atlas.
21:15Yeah, again, checks out.
21:16I'm so sorry.
21:17We're a bit nervous.
21:18Yeah.
21:19Shall we go for one?
21:20Yes, nap away.
21:21Let me just pop him in position.
21:23Right.
21:24Okay, get in the zone.
21:25Get in the zone.
21:26You've got this.
21:27You've got this big guy.
21:28Okay.
21:29Let's have a smile, Atlas.
21:34Yeah.
21:35Smile!
21:36Smile Atlas!
21:38Is he normally this serious?
21:40Yeah.
21:41No.
21:42Well, no.
21:43No, he smirks if I do my funny faces.
21:44Oh, yeah.
21:45Go and do it, Robin.
21:46This is good.
21:47Yeah.
21:48Yeah.
21:54No, he's not finding it funny.
21:56So...
21:59Funnier, Robin.
22:02Much funnier.
22:08He's not funny, Robin.
22:09He's not finding it funny.
22:10Depends what you're into, isn't it?
22:11I'm trying...
22:12I'm trying, babe.
22:18Robin?
22:19Okay.
22:20Okay.
22:21Okay.
22:22Well, um...
22:23Look, um...
22:24Well, look, thanks so much for coming in.
22:26Wait, is that it?
22:27Oh!
22:28Hold up, hold up.
22:29I know what'll do it.
22:30Oh, my goodness.
22:31Oh, my goodness.
22:32He absolutely loves this, right?
22:33Right, well...
22:34Get ready with that camera.
22:35You're about to get the money shot.
22:38Whoa!
22:40What the...
22:41Oh, my God!
22:42Well, Bea, what...
22:44What are you doing?
22:45What...
22:46Um...
22:47Did he laugh?
22:48No, of course not!
22:49No.
22:50So, I'm sorry about...
22:51That...
22:52Um...
22:53We go again.
22:54No, we don't go again!
22:55Ugh.
22:56No, we don't.
22:57You're obviously gonna have to leave.
22:58Okay.
22:59Okay.
23:00No, of course.
23:01Be real with me, sister.
23:02Has the boy booked it?
23:03No.
23:04No.
23:05No.
23:06Because we're damaged the studio.
23:07Among other things.
23:08Yes.
23:09So...
23:10I've hurt my hip.
23:11No, I guess.
23:12Glasses gone on these as well.
23:13No, right.
23:14Stop talking.
23:15Oh, no, they're empty.
23:16Why still talking?
23:17Guys, can you just...
23:18Should we get out?
23:19Yes.
23:20Go.
23:21Sorry.
23:22I won't lie.
23:23It's gonna take me a while to leave.
23:24Just cause obviously...
23:25Just go.
23:26Just go.
23:27Oh, Dad.
23:28The tiny bin.
23:35That is a much better use for it, to be fair, isn't it?
23:37Yeah.
23:38Bye, Eric.
23:41Thanks for being such a nice uncle to me.
23:44I'll miss you.
23:49Yes.
23:52And...
23:54On behalf of the Allies...
23:57And NATO...
23:59We thank you for your service.
24:02Your bravery is an example to us all.
24:05You're not gonna get that.
24:06I won't have time for it anyway.
24:09Not if I'm doing the band.
24:11Hmm.
24:12No, then.
24:13You should have his medals, Paul.
24:14No, Mum.
24:15No, Mum.
24:16I need to earn them first.
24:17Come on.
24:18Well...
24:19What?
24:20What does that mean?
24:21I don't recognise any of this.
24:22Hmm.
24:23Hmm.
24:24We were here this morning, Granny.
24:25No.
24:26from the old days, I mean.
24:27Oh.
24:28Oh.
24:29How awesome homecoming this is.
24:30There's no one left.
24:31There's no one left.
24:32No.
24:33No, Mum.
24:34Do you have his medals, Paul?
24:35No, Mum.
24:38I need to earn them first.
24:41Come on.
24:44Well...
24:45What does that mean?
24:49I don't recognise any of this.
24:52We were here this morning, Granny.
24:54No.
24:55No.
24:56From the old days, I mean.
24:57Oh.
24:58How awesome homecoming this is.
24:59There's no one left.
25:01I'm going in.
25:02Right.
25:05This is for you, Uncle Eric.
25:07Fact or non-verb.
25:09What does that mean?
25:10It's the British police motto.
25:11Yeah.
25:12Deeds, not words.
25:14Isn't it, see it, say it, sorted?
25:16No.
25:17Oh.
25:19Is the body cam on, Sam?
25:20Er, yep.
25:21It is.
25:23Be careful.
25:25You okay?
25:30Open up, police!
25:33Look at him.
25:36Quit stalling, or I'll set the dogs on you!
25:38Right, hands where I can see him, please.
25:41Oh, goodness, what's happening?
25:43Hands up, or you'll be spending the night in the slammer.
25:46He's quite old, isn't he?
25:47Really old.
25:48Yeah.
25:49I don't know what's happening.
25:50Save it for the judge.
25:51What the hell's happening here, then?
25:52Officer Paul Jessup, it's come to our attention that your wife is part of a scamming, er, group.
26:00This is Bedfordshire.
26:02Well, yeah, I'm based in Bedford, yes, but I'm part of a nationwide anti-scamming, er, squad.
26:08Scanning?
26:09Yeah.
26:10I don't know what's happening.
26:12Oh, dear.
26:13Oh, no.
26:14Oh, my God, she's crying.
26:15Can I ask, were you in receipt of a sewing machine this morning?
26:18Yes, I was.
26:19Yep.
26:20Hang on a second.
26:21Which was purchased on eBay, correct?
26:23What's wrong with that, eh?
26:24Er, I'll ask the questions here, buddy-bud.
26:27Oh, please don't send me to prison.
26:29Okay.
26:30I don't believe it.
26:31What?
26:32Er, get on the app now.
26:33Right?
26:34Transfer the money to the cellar, and this can all just go away.
26:37This is a scam, isn't it?
26:38Er, you're the scammer, mate.
26:40I've read about scammers going around pretending to be police.
26:43Well, I am police.
26:44Well, we'll just give them a call and we'll find out, won't we?
26:47Well, don't do that, please.
26:49Anne.
26:50Anne Flatley.
26:52It's Sue.
26:53Sue Merriman.
26:54Sue?
26:55What are you doing here?
26:56Oh!
26:57What's this?
26:58I don't know.
26:59Anne and I were school friends.
27:01Yeah, Mum.
27:02She was Anne Flatley when I knew her.
27:03Oh.
27:04Huh.
27:05This is your son, Paul, yeah?
27:06He's a policeman.
27:07Yeah, well, I think they can see that, Mum.
27:09And regardless of your acquaintance,
27:11we have intel that you haven't paid for that sewing machine,
27:15so technically it is a stolen good.
27:17I paid?
27:18I paid a few hours ago on the app, didn't I?
27:21Aye.
27:22As if.
27:23I would have seen it if you paid for it on the app, and it's not...
27:26Yeah.
27:27Yeah, no, she has paid.
27:29Yeah, I've just seen that.
27:30Sorry about that.
27:32Erm, hello, I am Rachel.
27:35I am Sue's daughter-in-law.
27:36Oh!
27:37I'm his wife.
27:38Sorry about him.
27:39Erm, sorry.
27:40Me?
27:41Yeah, sorry.
27:42Sorry.
27:43OK.
27:44Good, then.
27:45And, er, sorry.
27:47I'm so sorry.
27:49And we'll leave you now.
27:51We'll get out of your hair and go home.
27:53No, come on in.
27:55I'll put the kettle on.
27:57There's so much to catch up.
27:58Oh, lovely.
27:59OK.
28:06Well, that was embarrassing, wasn't it?
28:08Are we going to sell them, then?
28:09Huh?
28:10No, no, I'm not.
28:11This one's going for four grand on eBay.
28:12What?
28:13Four grand.
28:14No, no, I can't sell my heritage.
28:16Can't you?
28:17No.
28:18No.
28:19You'd only get scammed again, anyway.
28:20Yeah, exactly.
28:21And there's that.
28:22OK.
28:23We are absolute mugs.
28:24Yeah, we really, really are.
28:26Both of us.
28:30Why'd you kiss your own hand?
28:31I don't know.
28:34Yeah, sorry again.
28:36Goodbye.
28:37Bye-bye.
28:39Bye-bye.
28:41The record hits you and cheer me on.
28:45I'm pretty good, but that's the surprise you see.
28:50Surprise, surprise.
28:53When you found a love that's lost its way, that's a nice surprise.
28:59And when you don't know what's in start today, that might bring you surprise.
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