- 5 months ago
Here We Go S03E06
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TVTranscript
00:00Why are you taking a can out?
00:07You're supposed to roll stuff.
00:10I'll just climb on top of it.
00:11Be careful!
00:13Hey, Robin!
00:14Robin!
00:15Oh, God, God!
00:16Oh, my God!
00:17Oh, my God!
00:18Oh, Robin!
00:19Someone, get him out, please!
00:22Rachel, help me!
00:23Well, help me out!
00:24Lower me into the pool!
00:25What?
00:26Just get in at the shallow end.
00:28Yeah.
00:29That's a better idea.
00:30Yeah.
00:31And ask your father about the Maltese healthcare system.
00:32Yeah.
00:33Why would that help?
00:34Well, just in case we have to pay.
00:35We're still taking him to hospital, you stingy dick!
00:38I was just going to voicemail.
00:40Do something, Sam!
00:41I am doing something.
00:42I'm filming it.
00:43Yeah, no, do something helpful!
00:44Get Robin some ice!
00:45Or get me some wine.
00:46Robin!
00:47Oh!
00:48Oh, good!
00:49He's groaning, he's groaning.
00:50Oh, Robin, are you okay?
00:51I've fallen in the pool.
00:52I know you did, buddy.
00:53Robin!
00:54Oh, no.
00:55Okay, realise this is going to make me sound quite selfish,
00:57but I'm off out.
00:58Oh, very helpful.
00:59Thank you, Amy.
01:00And medical treatment's free for UK tourists here, by the way.
01:03Can someone call an ambulance, please?
01:05Oh, now we're calling an ambulance.
01:07Yeah.
01:08And, Rachel, I need a hoist.
01:09What?
01:10Can you find a rope or some strong string to get him out of here?
01:12What are you...
01:13What is your plan?
01:14Take him to the shallow end.
01:16Right.
01:17Where there are steps.
01:18Wow.
01:19Okay, well, help me lift him, then!
01:20Well, I can't.
01:21No, exactly.
01:22Sam, please, can you put the camera down and help your dad?
01:24Do something.
01:25Really?
01:26Get in the pool, Sam!
01:27All right, fine.
01:28Now!
01:29Honestly, this holiday.
01:30Look at it.
01:31Wow.
01:32Can you not put a hanky at the back of your hat, please?
01:34You look like such a tourist.
01:36It's a bad look.
01:37Yeah, you look rubbish.
01:38All right.
01:39Can you...
01:40My skin is highly flammable.
01:41Flammable.
01:42Burnable.
01:43Here we go.
01:44I burn like bilio if I'm not careful.
01:45Mm-hmm.
01:46So, you know, if we see anyone selling a sombrero or something...
01:48Oh, no.
01:49Please do not wear a sombrero.
01:51You're not on a stag.
01:52All Mexican, crucially.
01:53Oh, guys!
01:54Malta's got two Caravaggio's!
01:56Oh, wicked!
01:57We ate the one in Cambridge, didn't we, babe?
01:59We...
02:00Well, that was Carluccio's.
02:01Yeah.
02:02What's this one?
02:03Caravaggio.
02:04Yeah, he's an artist, not a restaurant.
02:05Oh.
02:06Yeah.
02:07The cathedral has his The Beheading of St John, if you want to see that.
02:10No, I don't want to see that.
02:11Why would I want to see that?
02:12Sounds like an ISIS video.
02:14Okay.
02:15Well, we should definitely check out the Hypogeum, guys.
02:16That looks slay.
02:18What?
02:19What is that?
02:20It's a...
02:21It's a Neolithic burial chamber.
02:22I mean, what are you talking about, man?
02:24A chamber?
02:25Some kids went missing there in the 1940s.
02:27We have very different ideas about how to do holiday support.
02:30Yeah.
02:31We are not going to complete the guidebook, okay?
02:34The only old thing we're here to see is my dad.
02:37All right.
02:38I just thought we could explore the history a bit.
02:39No, thanks.
02:40I just want to veg by the pool and empty my head.
02:43Yeah.
02:44Shouldn't be too difficult.
02:45Yeah.
02:46Exactly.
02:47Me too.
02:48Except for the busy schedule of not doing anything.
02:50Well, I hope Dad hasn't planned anything.
02:52Well, of course he won't have, Robin.
02:54I mean, since when did he ever plan anything or think of others?
02:58Oh, my God.
02:59Where is this road?
03:00What's it called?
03:01Okay.
03:02So, everybody, please look for...
03:03It's...
03:04Yeah.
03:05Soft X, like how Sean Connery would say.
03:06Okay.
03:07That hasn't helped.
03:08It should be here.
03:09Maybe it's down there.
03:10Oh, well done, Sam.
03:11Well, we can all say, maybe it's down there.
03:12Maybe it's down there.
03:13Maybe it's down there.
03:14Maybe it's down there.
03:15All right, Mum.
03:16Don't take it out on someone.
03:17Oh, God.
03:18Sorry.
03:19Sorry, Sam.
03:20We'll try this way, shall we?
03:21Yes.
03:22You try that way.
03:23Okay.
03:24Are you all right?
03:25I think it's...
03:26Yeah, sorry.
03:27I'm just, uh, stressed about seeing my dad.
03:29Why are you stressed?
03:30I'm more than he's mean to.
03:31He's not mean.
03:32He just winds you up.
03:33The last time we saw him, Amy, he called me a Wally.
03:34Oh, yeah.
03:35I'm going to talk to him.
03:36I've decided.
03:37Well, we're staying with him.
03:38Of course you're going to.
03:39No.
03:40I mean, about my childhood.
03:41About him being a bad dad.
03:42Oh.
03:43Yeah.
03:44Right.
03:45Are you sure?
03:46I'm true to think so.
03:47I'm carrying some baggage.
03:48Well, yeah.
03:49Some metaphorical baggage, which I need to deal with before becoming a counsellor.
03:53He wasn't a bad dad.
03:54I mean, he wasn't a bad dad.
03:56I'm carrying some baggage.
03:57Well, yeah.
03:58Some metaphorical baggage, which I need to deal with before becoming a counsellor.
04:01He wasn't a bad dad, was he?
04:03I mean, you turned out all right.
04:04Well, he once forgot to pick up Robin from a football tournament for five hours.
04:08Yeah.
04:09To you, though.
04:10Yeah, and he once sold Robin's bike without telling him, because he needs some money.
04:12To you, though, Mum?
04:13And he was also not great to me.
04:14Not great in what way?
04:16Well, I can't think of any specific examples, but I...
04:20Right!
04:21Yes!
04:22It's...
04:23Down here.
04:24Bingo!
04:25Well done, Robin.
04:26There you are.
04:27Great.
04:28It's big, isn't it?
04:29It's huge.
04:30How can he afford this?
04:32Wowie.
04:33I know.
04:34David Wowie.
04:35Oh.
04:36Isn't it?
04:37No.
04:38Let us in!
04:39Dad!
04:40May we stay.
04:41Dad?
04:42Bang harder.
04:44Open up!
04:46It's the police!
04:47Oh, my God.
04:48Get over it.
04:49Nothing?
04:50Dad!
04:51Where is he?
04:52We've got the right bag.
04:53He might be around the bag.
04:54I hope so.
04:55He's got some...
04:56Blinds are down.
04:57I'll give him a call.
04:58He lights on, or...?
04:59Hang on, he's texted.
05:00Oh, yeah.
05:01What time do you get in?
05:02I'll be back at 3.
05:03What time is it now?
05:049.30.
05:05That's like 10 hours!
05:06Alright.
05:07What are we going to do for that time?
05:08Typical.
05:09This is absolutely typical.
05:10I told him...
05:11I told him...
05:12I told him we arrived this morning.
05:14So...
05:15Oh!
05:16Oh!
05:17Dad!
05:18That is classic!
05:19I'm just teasing.
05:21Malta is in.
05:22Welcome to Malta.
05:23Oh, that is brilliant, that is.
05:25Yeah, yeah.
05:26Great joke.
05:27Is it?
05:28Great joke.
05:29It's just lying.
05:30Oh, look at your face.
05:31Look.
05:32You thought I'd forgotten, didn't you, Rachel?
05:33No, I didn't, actually.
05:34Nice to see you.
05:35Oh, hi, Granda.
05:36Oh, my God.
05:37Amy, look at you.
05:39You're an absolute sexpot.
05:41She's your granddaughter.
05:42You're working, are you?
05:43Studying or...?
05:44No.
05:45And also, no.
05:46Nothing.
05:47Just like me, then.
05:49Yeah.
05:50Oh, and there's a lovely cherry.
05:52Oh, looking stunning as ever.
05:54Oh, stop it, you dirty old man.
05:58And Porky.
05:59Porky the pig.
06:00There he is.
06:01Yeah, the policeman.
06:02Oh!
06:03Very glad I left England.
06:04If this is the sort of dross they're taking on the force now.
06:07Very good, very good.
06:08So, yeah.
06:09Where's that gorgeous mother of yours, eh?
06:11Oh, well, yeah, sorry, Michael.
06:12She decided to stay at home and re-watch all 70 episodes of Poirot.
06:15Oh.
06:16As if she can figure out how to turn the telly on without us.
06:18Fair dues, fair dues.
06:19Calm down.
06:20Right, well, where's the boy, then, Robin?
06:22He's sleeping at the moment.
06:23Oh, that's the way I like him.
06:25Now, that's called a baby, Dad.
06:27You might remember Mum mentioning that.
06:29I did my fair share, Rachel, thank you.
06:31I looked after you, looked after both of you at times.
06:34Yeah, I remember that.
06:35Oh.
06:36Yeah.
06:37Look at him.
06:38I know.
06:39My first grandson.
06:40Yeah.
06:41Erm...
06:42And there's also Sam.
06:43Yeah.
06:44Oh, you are after Sam.
06:45Yeah, you all right, mate?
06:46Yeah.
06:47Hi, Grandad.
06:48You sort of forget he's there sometimes, don't you?
06:50Yeah, I do.
06:51I mean, I don't, but...
06:52So how come you moved here, Dad?
06:53I thought you liked it in France.
06:55Yeah, we did, yeah, but...
06:57Well, France was just a bit too French.
06:59You know, after a while with the language and everything.
07:02Absolutely.
07:03So they spoke French.
07:04That was your problem with France, was it?
07:06Yeah, but everyone speaks English, yeah.
07:07It's fantastic.
07:08And the tax arrangements are fit as.
07:11Aha.
07:12Right, come on through.
07:13Erm, anyone want a Maltese lager?
07:15Ooh.
07:16Er, or a coffee, as it's 9.30?
07:17I want to take the pearl.
07:18Yeah.
07:19Ah, yeah.
07:20Now.
07:21About that.
07:22Ah.
07:23OK.
07:24I mean...
07:25Because you said you had a pool.
07:27I have.
07:28I've got an infinity pool.
07:29You're looking at it.
07:30With water in there.
07:31Water I don't have currently.
07:33It's not really a pool then, is it?
07:35It's just a hole.
07:37An infinity hole.
07:39Can we not fill it up?
07:40No, it leaks.
07:41It's a leaker.
07:42OK, well, this is fine.
07:44Er, is it?
07:45Yeah, we can still, you know, sit round it.
07:47Well, I wasn't going to swim anywhere.
07:48Well, there you go.
07:49Perfect.
07:50Perfect!
07:51I don't think three days sat by an empty pool is perfect.
07:54We're not just going to stay here, mate.
07:55You know, there's plenty to do.
07:57Oh, God, that is all I need.
08:00Where's a good place to feed the baby, Michael?
08:02In the mouth, traditionally.
08:04No, anywhere you like, my love.
08:06In the mouth.
08:07I love that.
08:08I meant to ask about the attractions, actually, Michael.
08:13Yeah.
08:14What are the best Neolithic temples to see, do you think?
08:16Are there temples, are there?
08:17Are there temples?
08:18Yeah, there are temples.
08:19They're older than Stonehenge.
08:20No, you're joking.
08:22Yeah, there's at least 19 of them.
08:23Oh, my God, 19.
08:24Yeah, the remnants of an ancient civilisation, some say.
08:27Oh.
08:28It's...
08:29Oh, you're taking the piss, aren't you?
08:30I am, yeah.
08:32You can see him on your tod, I think, Porky.
08:34Splash on the old Dulux and waddle down there.
08:37Do you want a coffee, mate?
08:38Yeah, I will, yeah, yeah, yeah.
08:39You are.
08:40Oh, wow, okay.
08:41Bought that for yourself, did you, Dad?
08:42No, I think Robin got that for me.
08:44Surely not.
08:45Could be, yeah, back in the day.
08:47Or maybe it was one of my other kids you two don't know about.
08:49Is that a joke?
08:50I mean, I don't know.
08:52So, what other stuff is there to do, then, Grandad, in water?
08:55Oh, well, now, hey, for one thing, yeah.
08:58And there's a fantastic ice cream place and there's a restaurant that does swordfish.
09:02Okay, because I would like to go for a walk at some point.
09:05Oh, yeah, there are walks, yeah, and bike rides.
09:08With you, I mean.
09:09Diving and the aquarium ain't too shabby, actually.
09:12Diving?
09:13As in scuba diving?
09:14Yeah.
09:15Oh, I've always wanted to do that.
09:16Oh, hell yes.
09:17That'll be more suave.
09:18To talk.
09:19Well, I'll give them a call, you know, dive, dive, dive.
09:21Yeah!
09:22Woohoo!
09:23I'll try later.
09:24Oh, there's a frog in the pool.
09:28Wow.
09:30You don't need that much, shall we?
09:34I need to cover everything, Jerry.
09:36In weather like this, I just, I honestly wish I could just wear a burka.
09:40What?
09:41Yeah, you can't do that.
09:43Yeah, I know I can't.
09:44Is my nape covered, Rach?
09:45Can you cream up my nape?
09:46It's my Achilles heel.
09:48Just put the peak at the back and then do your face.
09:51Oh, yeah, good thinking.
09:52You not diving then, Sam?
09:54No, I'll probably just go to the aquarium.
09:56Same thing in it, but drier.
09:59Well, I am going to stroll to the Hypogeum slash Tarxian temples.
10:03If anyone wants in, should be fascinating.
10:05No, thanks.
10:06Is it just a load of old rocks?
10:07Yeah, well, you could say that about any Neolithic temple complex, Jerry.
10:10You know, the rocks are arranged into chambers.
10:12Oh, my God.
10:13Can you stop banging on about chambers, mate?
10:15No one wants to go into a chamber.
10:16No.
10:17Hang on.
10:18Hello, Mum.
10:19Yes, I can hear you.
10:21Can you hear me?
10:22Yeah.
10:23Well, which remote control, Mum?
10:25They're all black, Mum.
10:27Well, they all have numbers, Mum.
10:29Yeah.
10:30OK, Amy and Robin.
10:33Hello.
10:34Oh, someone's up for it.
10:35I am, yeah.
10:36My name's Ruby.
10:37I'll be your pilot this afternoon.
10:38Do you want your briefing in English or Maltese?
10:41English, please.
10:42I'm just kidding.
10:43I've been here six years and I know literally one word of Maltese.
10:46How are you doing with your kit?
10:48Very tight.
10:49Oh, yeah, and please, please don't wee into the wetsuits when we're in the pool.
10:53Or, obviously, at any other time.
10:55Ah.
10:56What do you mean, ah?
10:57Have you done it already?
10:58Ah.
10:59Have you done the job I look in?
11:00Well, no.
11:01No, then I haven't, then.
11:02I did have a question, though.
11:03Do we get a harpoon?
11:05No, you don't get a harpoon.
11:06OK, follow-up question.
11:08Are there sharks?
11:09Not in the pool.
11:10No.
11:11What do you mean, pool?
11:12Why do you keep...?
11:13We want to dive in the sea.
11:14Yeah, sorry.
11:15Newbies have to do an intro dive in the pool.
11:17Oh.
11:18Oh, what, really?
11:19That little pecker?
11:20Diving in the pool?
11:22What's that?
11:23Skydiving off a ladder?
11:24Yes.
11:25It's a waste of money.
11:26I mean, that is just so shit.
11:27No, it's not shit.
11:28It's actually very fun.
11:30Oh, come off it, mate.
11:31It's as boring as a book.
11:33Can we not dive in the sea?
11:34Come on, please.
11:35Oh, it's an insurance thing.
11:36I can't really...
11:37They've done it before, diving.
11:39Yeah, they're not newbies.
11:40Oh, really?
11:41Yeah.
11:42Yeah, yeah, yeah.
11:43They dived on a last family holiday in Nepal.
11:46Landlocked Nepal.
11:48Oh, no, not Nepal, no.
11:50The other one.
11:51What was it?
11:52China.
11:53Yeah, Thailand.
11:54That's it, yeah.
11:55They know what they're doing.
11:57Okay.
11:58Well, if you want to sign a waiver and just, like, go for it, I'd be happy to do that.
12:01I mean, the pool is extremely boring.
12:03Okay, great.
12:04Yeah, they'll do that, won't you?
12:05Great.
12:06That's a nice one, Dad.
12:07Yeah, I'm sorry.
12:08I'm not sure you should lie about having dived before, guys.
12:12Yeah, but they've got to go in the sea, though.
12:13That's the whole point.
12:14Exactly.
12:15Yeah, obviously.
12:16Give the fun police an inch and they make you do a risk assessment before wiping your arse.
12:19Yeah.
12:20Cool.
12:21Okay, all right.
12:22Well, I'm off to see the temples, if anyone wants to join.
12:24No.
12:25Or...
12:26Still no.
12:27Cares.
12:28No.
12:29See you later.
12:30Cool.
12:31Bye, Dad.
12:32So, yeah, we'll go for a walk then, shall we?
12:34Oh, no, I'm having a massage.
12:36A massage?
12:37Yeah.
12:38It's a day.
12:39The one weekend when your family is staying with you, you're having a massage.
12:41My shoulders are in knots, Rachel.
12:43Yeah, but I want to talk to you, Dad.
12:44Go on, then.
12:47Do it tomorrow.
12:48All right, guys.
12:49This just says that you know what you're doing.
12:51Yeah.
12:52And that I'm not liable for any sort of injury, death or general disappointment.
12:57Yeah.
12:58Um, sorry.
12:59Just by death.
13:00What do you mean by death?
13:01So, even though Ruby's earning less here than she was in Chester, she's got way more spending money.
13:06She reckons we could go out all night for, like, 30 quid.
13:09Okay.
13:10Well, my question was, did you enjoy the diving, Amy?
13:13Oh.
13:14Yeah.
13:15Yeah, there were a lot of jellyfish.
13:16Right.
13:17Robin got a bit freaked out.
13:18I did, actually.
13:19Yeah.
13:20One of them had these massive testicles.
13:21Tentacles.
13:22Could be.
13:23Yeah.
13:24I mean, it's hard to know as well with jellies, isn't it?
13:25Should have gone aquarium with me and Sam.
13:27Yeah.
13:28How'd you get on them, Paul?
13:30Have fun at your chamber, did ya?
13:31Well, it was a bit of a hefty height getting there, yeah.
13:34But, no, the hypogeum was absolutely scintillating.
13:37Thanks, Jerry.
13:38Yeah.
13:39Yeah.
13:40Where's, er...
13:41Where's Michael?
13:43Erm, he had to have a massage, apparently.
13:46And now he's out buying plums.
13:48Mm.
13:49Okay.
13:50Yeah, I think he's just trying to avoid me.
13:51Yeah.
13:52Mm.
13:53I'm not sure it's worth it, babe.
13:55What isn't?
13:56Talking to him.
13:57Don't think it will help.
13:59Well, given that I've spent the last two years training to be a counsellor, clearly,
14:02I think that talking to people does help.
14:04Well, it's a cowpole.
14:05Tez, I've got an absolute splitter.
14:07You are not downing cowpole again, Robin.
14:10It is for Atlas, not your hangovers, sir.
14:13Okay, well, I'm gonna get some fresh air, then.
14:15I've got a bit of a headache, too, actually.
14:17Must be from absorbing so much history.
14:20Whoa, Dan, what is that?
14:23Okay.
14:24Ah!
14:25What are you doing out?
14:26Is it someone?
14:27Yeah.
14:28What?
14:29Oh, my God.
14:30Where?
14:31When?
14:32Huh?
14:33Oh, my God.
14:34Oh, Dad.
14:35It's a perfect semicircle.
14:36I thought it was all hat.
14:37Is this where the hole is?
14:38Oh, my God.
14:39Rachel!
14:40What?
14:41Don't blame me.
14:42Well, you told me to turn my hat round.
14:43You didn't have to do it.
14:44You didn't even cream up the hat hole.
14:46It's probably...
14:47Is he all right?
14:48It's not funny, Amy.
14:50It does.
14:51Okay, I mean, it is.
14:52It looks like a sunset.
14:54I should have bought a sombrero.
14:56Oh, my God.
14:58Get a sombrero.
14:59Oh, my God.
15:00What?
15:01Robin's fallen in the pool.
15:03Classic.
15:04Oh, no, there's no water in it.
15:06Oh!
15:07Oh!
15:08Robin!
15:09Robin!
15:10Robin!
15:11Oh, God, God!
15:12Oh, my God.
15:13Robin!
15:14Oh, Robin!
15:15The bends.
15:17You've got the bends.
15:18I have got the bends.
15:19And I've got an OK computer.
15:20I've even got Pablo Honey.
15:21What?
15:22It's a Radiohead joke.
15:24I have got the bends, yeah.
15:26Well, you haven't lost your sense of humour, I see.
15:28Trust you to get the bends, Robinette.
15:30It's how typical of you.
15:31Oh, sorry, Bob.
15:32It's serious, Dad.
15:35No, no, no.
15:36I'm still laughing at Porky's sunburn.
15:37Oh, okay.
15:38Thank you, Michael.
15:39Actually, your fault this has happened, you do realise.
15:41What?
15:42I wasn't even there.
15:43You made him skip the safety dive in the pool.
15:44Well, he's a grown-up.
15:45I didn't make him do anything.
15:46And you were into it, Mum.
15:47I wasn't into it, Sam.
15:48It's just...
15:49Er, yeah, you were.
15:50Mr Hankey!
15:51You!
15:52Excuse me.
15:53Can we talk privately for a moment?
15:54Oh, hello, Matron.
15:55Doctor.
15:56Doctor.
15:57I'm so sorry.
15:58Your grandmother?
15:59Don't.
16:00Hello, Mum.
16:01Yes, I can hear you.
16:02Can you hear me?
16:03Step into my office, Doctor.
16:04Can you hear me?
16:05Can you hear me now?
16:06Have you got Poirot on yet?
16:07Oh!
16:08Oh!
16:09Oh!
16:10What is up with you?
16:12You ain't got the Benz and Olive, yo?
16:13No.
16:14Just hungover.
16:15Ah.
16:16Massini kept buying me shots.
16:18Massini?
16:19Who is this person?
16:21One of Ruby's mates.
16:22Oh, aye.
16:23Where'd you go?
16:24Met at Badass Burger, then cocktails at Bar Q.
16:27Yeah, yeah.
16:28And ended up in Sky Club.
16:29Ooh!
16:30It was wild.
16:31I had no idea there were, like, young people here.
16:34Oh, yeah, there's a fair few people your age here that...
16:38You should move over it.
16:39What?
16:40What?
16:41What are you talking about?
16:42Moving with me.
16:43I've got room.
16:44I've got plenty of room.
16:45Don't be nuts.
16:46Would that be all right?
16:47No!
16:48Yeah, of course.
16:49That is complete madness.
16:50No, sorry.
16:51No.
16:52No, Amy, what about Bedford?
16:53Er...
16:54And your band?
16:55Yeah, the band's not going to work.
16:56Well, no, not with half of it based in Malta.
16:57No.
16:58And Carlo reckoned he could get me a job at, um, Embassy Cinema.
17:02There you go.
17:03Well, there you go, Dad.
17:04We don't even know who this Carlo is, so don't say things like that.
17:07Why not?
17:08Because you can't forget to send her a birthday card every year,
17:10then suggest she moves in with you.
17:11That's what I've done.
17:12And Amy doesn't care about cards, do you?
17:14No.
17:15There you go.
17:16You're free to go in now.
17:17Thank you so much.
17:18Press OK.
17:19And just pick an episode and OK, OK?
17:22Can we discuss this when we're not in the hospital, please?
17:24Figure it out, ma.
17:25All right.
17:26Well, what do you say?
17:27What happens now?
17:28OK, so apparently I'm going to be moved to the hyperbaric chamber.
17:31What?
17:32I mean, that where you went yesterday?
17:34Oh, no, that's the hypergium.
17:35It's a Neolithic burial chamber, yeah.
17:37Right, OK.
17:38And this one's what?
17:39Hyperbaric.
17:40A high-pressure oxygen chamber.
17:42Yep.
17:43Right, so you're spending your holiday in a chamber now and all?
17:46Looks like it, yeah.
17:47Don't worry, baby.
17:48Don't have to come with me.
17:49It'll be well boring.
17:50Well, of course I'm coming.
17:51I'm not leaving you here while you're riddled with the bends, am I?
17:54I've got you.
17:55No.
17:56Hello, Mama.
17:58You've got it on.
18:00Great.
18:01She's got it on, everyone.
18:02OK, yeah.
18:03Er, Japanese?
18:05Well, which remote did that?
18:07So, what are you going to do with Atlas if you're both at the chamber?
18:11Oh, God.
18:12Yeah, I forgot about that.
18:14Well, I can take the lead.
18:15You?
18:16Oh.
18:17Are you serious?
18:18Yeah, why not?
18:19Are you?
18:20What children are you thinking of?
18:21Uh-huh.
18:22And it would be nice to spend some time with my grandson.
18:25Your second grandson.
18:26There's also...
18:27Sam's also your grandson.
18:28Yeah, I know.
18:29Never said he wasn't.
18:30We'll go for a walk, shall we, Atlas?
18:32Take you round the letter.
18:34Yeah, I've been asking to go for a walk with you since I got here, so...
18:36So, come with us.
18:37How can that be my...
18:38For God's sake, Rachel, chill out just for once in your life, eh?
18:41Is it done?
18:42Is it done?
18:44Surely David Suchet isn't actually speaking Japanese.
18:48What's that fort over there, Grandad?
18:50Don't know.
18:51Don't care.
18:52Ask your dad when he gets back from his temple or wherever he is.
18:55Tunnels?
18:56He's gone down some old crusader tunnels today.
18:58Oh, wow.
18:59He knows how to have a good time, doesn't he?
19:01At least he won't get burned.
19:02Oh, I'm sure he'll find a way to Wally.
19:05Please don't call my husband a Wally, Dad.
19:08Well, he called himself a Wally when he burned that semicircle into his face.
19:12Do you know where the cathedral is, Grandad? With the Caravaggios?
19:15I know there's a good ice cream place around here somewhere, that I do know.
19:19But I'm not into that, I'm afraid. Ancient history.
19:23Yeah, so, Dad, there are some things I want to talk about, about my...
19:27mine and Robin's childhoods.
19:28Speaking of ancient history...
19:29No, I'm serious, Dad.
19:31Given that I'm training to be a counsellor, you know, this is something I want to talk about.
19:36Yeah, and I want to get an ice cream, so how about we do my idea, eh?
19:39Yeah, I'd much prefer to get an ice cream as well, actually.
19:41What? Why are you so resistant to this?
19:43Well, it's a generational thing. People my age, you know, were just not into it.
19:47What? Talking?
19:49About the past, yeah.
19:51Do you know what happened to my dad during the war?
19:53No.
19:54Exactly. Neither do I.
19:56He never talked about it, he never wanted to.
19:58Well, you see, that is... it's just not healthy.
20:01Well, what would you know, eh?
20:03He lived till he was 78, and he was a bloody good father.
20:07As was I, by the way, as was I.
20:08What are you telling me? Are you telling yourself?
20:10Oh, fashionable middle-class crap is what it is.
20:12Talking, talking, talking. Just get over yourself, yeah?
20:17Oh, hey, Amy.
20:19Oh, thank God.
20:20Hey. That was good timing.
20:22Hey, Amy's family.
20:23Hello again, Ruby.
20:24Hi.
20:25Alright.
20:27So, you guys still having a nice holla bobs?
20:30Sort of.
20:31Mum's trying to work through some generic childhood trauma,
20:33and Robin's now got the Ben's.
20:35Ah, okay. Glad you signed that waiver, then.
20:41If you fancy joining, a few of us are going to Badass Burger for lunch.
20:44Yes, please. Anywhere but here is ideal.
20:46Didn't you go there last night?
20:48I'll see you later, yeah?
20:49Oh, well, okay.
20:51Don't stay out all night, Amy.
20:53She's not moving here.
20:55Ruby?
20:57Cool.
20:58Oh, Ruby, where's the cathedral with the Caravaggio's?
21:03Thanks.
21:08I might...
21:11Oh, okay.
21:16Not much.
21:17No recording, please.
21:20Okay, okay.
21:21Turn it off.
21:22Oh, cut off it.
21:23I mean...
21:24What?
21:25Disengaged?
21:26What the hell does that mean?
21:27Of course I wasn't disengaged.
21:28You didn't even notice when Robin was getting bullied at school.
21:31He didn't tell me.
21:32I'm not a mind reader, Rachel.
21:33It just felt like...
21:34It felt like you weren't paying attention to us.
21:36Oh, you could bloody talk.
21:37Slagging me off.
21:38You haven't even noticed how miserable your daughter is.
21:40I...
21:41What?
21:42No.
21:43Well, she's single again.
21:44She's unemployed.
21:45She's scared shitless and you don't even see it.
21:47I do.
21:48She's fine.
21:49So...
21:50Hi.
21:51Hi, Sam.
21:52How was it?
21:53Yeah, you know, churchy.
21:54Yeah.
21:55Are you guys still talking?
21:56Trying to, but...
21:58Right.
21:59Er, where's Atlas?
22:01Dad?
22:02Erm, I thought you had him.
22:03You were pushing a pram?
22:04Yeah, well, he'll be here.
22:05Of course he will.
22:06OK, did you leave it somewhere?
22:07Erm...
22:08Well, I don't know.
22:09It might be back there.
22:10Back where?
22:11Where?
22:12No, it's been fine.
22:13Don't panic, Rachel.
22:14Don't...
22:15Excuse me.
22:16Excuse me.
22:17Excuse me.
22:18Out of my way.
22:19Scroozy.
22:20Oh, come on.
22:21Come on.
22:22Come on.
22:23Put the ice cream in the bin, Dad.
22:24Dad.
22:25Oh, no.
22:26Excuse me.
22:27Excuse me.
22:28I'm away.
22:29Put the ice cream in the bin, Dad.
22:31Yeah.
22:32Keep up, please.
22:33God, we've lost the baby.
22:34We've lost the baby.
22:35No, we haven't.
22:36We can't have done.
22:37This way, come on.
22:38Sam, call your dad.
22:39Yeah, yeah.
22:40Oh, is this it?
22:41Is this it?
22:42That's clearly there, baby.
22:43Oh, right.
22:44Sorry, sorry, sorry.
22:45I knew you'd do something like this.
22:47Well, you were here too, Rachel.
22:48You were here the old bloody time.
22:49Should we call the police?
22:50I mean, yes, at some point, but we just need to find a baby.
22:53Yes, we do.
22:54Of course we do.
22:55Right.
22:56Oh, God.
22:57It's me.
22:58No, no.
22:59Court here.
23:00I'm coming.
23:01Nearly there.
23:02Sam told me.
23:03Have you seen him?
23:04Have you found him?
23:05No, no, no, no.
23:06Okay, okay.
23:07We need to retrace our steps, okay?
23:09Yeah.
23:10Where have you been?
23:11We went to get coffee.
23:13I know we went for an ice cream.
23:14No, no, no, no.
23:15I didn't have the pram at the ice cream.
23:16Well, where did you go for coffee?
23:17It was a van.
23:18It had a sign on.
23:20Letters.
23:21Capital letters.
23:22I signed with capital letters on it.
23:23Yeah, that really narrows it down.
23:24Well, you try thinking of something.
23:25Yeah, I am.
23:26I'm trying.
23:27It was sunny.
23:28And it was near the sea.
23:29It's a small island, Rachel.
23:30Everything's near the sea.
23:31And there was a door.
23:32A doorway behind.
23:33Okay.
23:34Made of stone.
23:35It looked old.
23:37And an eye.
23:38What?
23:39An eye?
23:40Yeah, there was an eye.
23:42Above the door.
23:43A stone one, I think.
23:44I mean, now I say that, that doesn't sound like that.
23:46Well, an eye.
23:47What kind of eye?
23:48A sort of human eye.
23:49A big one.
23:50Have you ever seen an eye like that around here?
23:51No.
23:52Of course I have.
23:53Hang on.
23:54Hang on.
23:55What?
23:56Are you all right?
23:58Porta del Sorcoso.
24:00What?
24:02The Knights of Malta built an eye above the Porta del Sorcoso
24:06as a sign of vigilance and protection.
24:09Wait, wait, wait, wait.
24:10For St. Elmo.
24:11This way.
24:12Oh.
24:13I actually wanted to go there anyway.
24:14Okay.
24:15Quickly.
24:16Come on, Dan.
24:17I am.
24:18I am.
24:19Down here.
24:20Right.
24:21Oh, God.
24:22Are you sure?
24:23Where?
24:24Where?
24:25There it is.
24:26There it is.
24:27The eye.
24:28And the...
24:29And the pram.
24:30And the pram.
24:31The pram.
24:32Oh, God.
24:33I will never complain about your interest in historical tourist attractions again.
24:38Here's...
24:39Ah!
24:40My burn, Rachel!
24:41He's not here.
24:42What?
24:43Joke.
24:44I'm joking.
24:45Really funny.
24:46He's fast asleep.
24:48He won't even have noticed.
24:51Oh.
24:52Oh.
24:53Oh.
24:54Oh, God.
24:55Oh.
24:56Well done, Paul.
24:58That was, er, that was...
25:00That was really good.
25:02Oh, thank you, Michael.
25:03Yeah.
25:04Police are lucky to have you.
25:05As is, you know, my, er...
25:08My daughter.
25:09Well done, son.
25:10Yeah.
25:11So, what is this place, Dad?
25:13What is it?
25:15It's only the main theatre of combat for the Great Siege of Malta in 1565.
25:20Picture the scene, guys.
25:22180 ships.
25:2440,000 Ottoman soldiers.
25:27The...
25:28The greatest army in the world!
25:30Okay.
25:31I know I wasn't the greatest father, Rachel.
25:33I know that.
25:34And...
25:35I guess it's fair to say that I'm still not after that.
25:40And I can't change anything now.
25:42But...
25:43For what it's worth, I'm sorry.
25:46Okay.
25:49We're very similar, you and I.
25:51You're my girl.
25:53And, um...
25:55If there's...
25:57Anything you want, then, um...
26:00I'll do it.
26:04I just want us to communicate better, Dad.
26:07As a family.
26:08You know.
26:09Be more...
26:10Honest.
26:11Okay.
26:12Deal.
26:13Yeah.
26:14Okay.
26:15We're not gonna tell Robin and Cherry about losing the baby, are we?
26:18God, no.
26:19Oh, good.
26:20Yes.
26:21They came.
26:22Er...
26:23Sam!
26:24Sorry, were you not even listening to me?
26:26Oh, no.
26:27Oh, no.
26:28Sorry.
26:29Say it again.
26:30Do it again.
26:31Picture the scene.
26:33Stop picking at it.
26:35It's itchy!
26:37We went to Bar Q again, and then Sky Club again,
26:41where Mersini brought us all Mai Tais again.
26:44Again, yeah.
26:45I mean, it was honestly, like, Groundhog Day, but not funny.
26:48I think that's just life on a small island.
26:51Yeah.
26:52I know things haven't been very good at home recently, but,
26:55you know, I'm here.
26:57If you're ever upset or worried about anything,
27:01I'm here.
27:03And I love you.
27:06Gross.
27:07Okay.
27:09But, you know, thanks.
27:10Mm.
27:11I'm actually, and I can't believe I'm saying this,
27:15quite looking forward to getting back to Bedford.
27:17Hey, he's back!
27:18Oi, oi!
27:19The bins is on the main!
27:20Hey!
27:21Oh, you feeling better, brother?
27:23Yeah, yeah.
27:24You know, I'm just sad it's all over, to be honest.
27:26The oxygen gave me this mad head rush.
27:28It was like Burning Man, but, you know, in a chamber.
27:30Cool.
27:31Wow.
27:32Everything here is, like, all right with Atlas.
27:34Oh!
27:35Yeah!
27:36Yeah, it's great!
27:37Absolutely, yeah.
27:38Absolutely, yeah.
27:39Told you it would be.
27:40Also, Dad, Sherry got your little something when I was...
27:42Oh, yeah, I did, yeah.
27:43...the old chamber.
27:44Oh!
27:45What's that?
27:46Yes.
27:47Oh.
27:48Oh, oh.
27:49It's nice, isn't it?
27:50Oh, I love that.
27:51I love that.
27:52Oh, look at that, Sean.
27:53Sam.
27:54Best Granddad ever.
27:55So, what is the plan today, Granddad Michael,
27:57before the plan?
27:58Well, well, well, well.
28:00Well, you better ask Paul, he's the expert.
28:02Oh, that's nice.
28:03Okay.
28:04Go on then, Dad.
28:05Oh.
28:06Okay.
28:07Wow.
28:08Okay.
28:09Well, there's still 18 Neolithic temples I've not visited,
28:11so we could...
28:14Yeah.
28:15Oh, we can just go out and eat a swordfish!
28:16Yeah!
28:17Yeah!
28:18Go C'mon!
28:19Go C'mon!
28:20Goal to Panelist!
28:21Go C'mon!
28:22Goal to Panelist!
28:23Go Giants!
28:24Transcription by CastingWords
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