Skip to playerSkip to main content
BoxOffice
  • 7 months ago
Here We Go S03E05

Category

📺
TV
Transcript
00:00Of course I can't make you a cortado.
00:07Well done, Robin.
00:10That's on the cusp of going off.
00:14Come on, Mum. Ethel's going to be here any minute.
00:16So, Mum, the code is one cry is green, two cries is red, three cries is yellow,
00:28and four cries... Oh, my God.
00:33What, tinnitus? It's blue.
00:36OK, so the code is one green, two red, three yellow, four blue.
00:41You got that? We've all got that.
00:42I'm very bad at learning codes as all.
00:44That's why I had to change my pin to 1111.
00:48Yeah, stop telling people that. Good to know.
00:50As a rule, do not say any anecdotes that involve you revealing your pin.
00:54All right, keep your wig on.
00:56And if you're still not sure or you can't hear anything,
00:58just say, is the baby all right, and I'll do it again.
01:02Is the baby all right? And I'll do it again.
01:04No, I mean, where is the baby?
01:06Oh, yeah, he's upstairs in his hush-a-by-snoozy-baby sleep pod.
01:09What, sleeping?
01:10Well, I hope so. Yeah, that is what it's for.
01:12Yeah, OK, and Mum, Mum, it's really important that you keep a poker face.
01:16Well, uno face. Exactly.
01:18What's an uno face?
01:20Just don't move your face at all when you're playing, Sue, so just...
01:23Like this. What, like that?
01:24Like that. That's like that. Yeah, that's good.
01:26I've actually got a Botox cream in my bag that'll do that for you.
01:29Well, I think it's probably worth a go.
01:31Mmm.
01:31It does burn a bit, though.
01:33I mean, it really burns, Sue.
01:35Even so?
01:35No, it really burns.
01:37Do not use it on your scrotum, Sue, trust me.
01:39Yeah, well, no, I won't.
01:41Well, I can't.
01:42Yeah, fair point.
01:43Why did you put it on your scrotum, Robin?
01:44Well, because it claimed to be anti-wrinkle, didn't it, babe?
01:47So I thought I'd give it a proper challenge.
01:48And it failed.
01:49Right.
01:50Badly.
01:50So did I, in a way.
01:52Oh, my God.
01:54Well, she won't need any creams.
01:55Just relax, Sue.
01:56You know, try to enjoy it.
01:57Might be fun.
01:59Fun?
01:59Of course it won't.
02:01I mean, I feel like I'm on the James Bond show.
02:04On the...
02:04They're films, Mum.
02:06They're films, famously.
02:08Oh, gosh, there she is.
02:09Let's go.
02:10Here we go.
02:11Down it, down it, down it.
02:12Go easy, go easy on the shower.
02:13There's tiny glasses, babe, go up.
02:15Go on.
02:16It's all right.
02:17It's not Ethel.
02:18It's just Amy and her trophy.
02:20OK.
02:22Is everything all right?
02:23This is his dummy, his Sue.
02:25Just stick that in his gob if he gets out hungry or annoying or whatever.
02:29Yeah.
02:29This is his sensory baby activity sheet.
02:35Just tinfoil, isn't it?
02:37It what?
02:37It better not be.
02:38That could be 25 quid, is it?
02:40This is his monkey, here, look.
02:41Hey, Madame Coconuts.
02:43She has a French accent and loves cheese when I do it.
02:46Do you want to do that?
02:47Yeah, I'll just sing to him because that's what I did last time.
02:50Well, you can go outside if you do that, Mum.
02:52I can't be listening to you singing Wind the Bobbin Up for five hours again.
02:56Love that tune.
02:57This is his baby monitor here, look.
03:00Muslins.
03:00Keep an eye on you.
03:01Here.
03:01You will be back from the gym by three, won't you?
03:04Because I'm going to Mecca later.
03:06Oh, not again.
03:07You won't?
03:07Really?
03:08Well, I go with Bren every Tuesday afternoon.
03:11To Mecca?
03:12Yeah.
03:13Wow.
03:14That's...
03:14No, she's talking about Mecca bingo in Bedford.
03:17Oh.
03:18Yeah, sorry, the bingo.
03:19Not the religious onslaught.
03:21Okay.
03:22Yeah, no, that's a lot closer.
03:23She doesn't do a weekly hodge as far as I know.
03:26Yeah.
03:26She may as well.
03:27She could have gone to Mecca several times with the money she's lost playing bingo.
03:30Oh, don't be so daft.
03:33Gambling is very serious, Mum, isn't it, Rach?
03:36Rachel.
03:37Yes?
03:37As a counsellor, can you please say something?
03:39Yeah, just empty it.
03:40Don't just squash it down.
03:42Yeah.
03:42What, there's loads of space?
03:43This is why we get bin juice, because you squeeze rubbish like a cider prance.
03:46There's more space than you think.
03:48Just empty it!
03:49Why won't you just empty it?
03:50You've got to wake up Atlas.
03:51I'll pop him in the garden for you, Gerald.
03:53Yeah.
03:53Oh, sorry, just before you do, Sue, I've got a little gift for Sam under the buggy.
03:58Oh, cool.
03:58Cheers, Robin.
03:59What is it?
04:00It's a Premier League sticker album, plus two free packets.
04:02I thought you might want to start collecting, so...
04:04Oh.
04:05Oh, my God, you are unbelievable.
04:07What?
04:07What do you mean?
04:08Darbell!
04:08Someone!
04:09You're just trying to get him into the sticker so that you, Dean and Jelson, have someone
04:13else to swap with.
04:14What?
04:15That's...
04:15No.
04:16I just...
04:17It's just a bit of fun.
04:18No?
04:18I'll go...
04:19It's an addiction, Robin.
04:21Yeah.
04:22You are a stickaholic.
04:23Well, no, because that would mean he's addicted to sticks.
04:26Amy.
04:27Hi.
04:28Is that for washing?
04:29Um, no, it's my towel and clean undies.
04:31I'm for washing.
04:32And why can't you do that at home?
04:34Uh, well, because mine's always accusing me of staying in and sitting in the bath all day, so...
04:37Okay, so you've gone out.
04:39To sit in the bath all day.
04:40Well, I'm proving her wrong, yes.
04:42Things feel a bit rocky between you two, are they?
04:44We've fed out about what to name our hamster.
04:45Hi, everyone.
04:46Hi, Amy.
04:46Oh, go on.
04:47What name's you got?
04:48Well, she wants to call it Mrs. Biscuit.
04:51And I want to call it Sylvia Plath.
04:53Oh, two very different ideas there.
04:55Well, anyway, we can't decide, so currently it's called the hamster.
04:58Like Richard Hammond.
05:00Oh, yeah?
05:00Yeah, in fact, that's a great name for a hamster.
05:02Who's Richard Hammond?
05:03You two need to try couples therapy, trust me.
05:06We worked through tons of stuff on ours, didn't we, babe?
05:08Yeah, I mean, I didn't actually speak during it, but...
05:11What did you do?
05:12I just made notes.
05:14You've had couples therapy.
05:15Yeah.
05:16Why didn't you...
05:16I could have given you couples therapy.
05:18I would have done it for free.
05:20Well, you get what you pay for, didn't you?
05:22And ours was with my therapist mate, Amber, so I felt very safe.
05:28God, I didn't.
05:29She taught me several new ones.
05:30I need real-life case studies as well, so that's a shame.
05:33Well, just talk to Mum about her bingo addiction then, like I've been asking you.
05:37Yes, no, I will, I will.
05:38Okay.
05:38Actually, Amy, it's not a bad idea, you know.
05:40Couples therapy.
05:41You and I do argue quite a lot.
05:43Yeah.
05:44It's improved Robin loads.
05:46Dream man.
05:47No.
05:47Apart from the sticker habit, he hasn't managed to shake that.
05:51What?
05:51No, they're sticky, so...
05:52Sticky.
05:54We might need to go back to Amber with that, actually.
05:56Well, no, come on, babe, we don't need to go back to Amber.
05:58I'll give up the stickers, I promise, I will.
06:00Well, we'll see.
06:00Don't remember to go back to Amber, please.
06:01Come in this way, please, Mum.
06:03What's all this?
06:04You'll see.
06:05Oh, hi, Amy-law.
06:06Hi, Granny.
06:07Hello, hello.
06:08Rachel wants to speak to you.
06:09Do I?
06:10Yeah, she does.
06:11What, now?
06:12Yes, now.
06:12Oh, God.
06:14Oh, okay.
06:15Okay.
06:16Um, well...
06:18We're really worried about you, Mum.
06:19Well, no, we're not really worried.
06:20And you're gambling.
06:21Don't!
06:21So we're staging an intervention.
06:22No, that's not what we're doing.
06:24Please do not intervene on my intervention, Rachel.
06:26This is not how an intervention is done.
06:28I'm so sorry, Sue.
06:29Am I not going to bingo later on?
06:31Of course you are.
06:32Do what you like.
06:32Because I'll need to tell Bren if not.
06:34No.
06:34I'm saying no to bingo.
06:36You can't forbid her from doing something she wants.
06:38No, all it is, Sue, that we're worried that going to make a bingo so often isn't that healthy.
06:46I don't eat there.
06:47No, no, no, not like that.
06:49Um, more, you know...
06:49You're spaffing my inheritance, Mum.
06:51No.
06:51Well, she is.
06:52No, it's nothing to do...
06:53It's gambling.
06:55The high from gambling is highly addictive.
06:59And what we're worried about...
07:00I'm up.
07:01I've made more than I've lost.
07:03Have you?
07:04Really?
07:04Yeah.
07:04That's...
07:04How much have you made, then?
07:06Um, about £140.
07:08Oh, that's fine, then.
07:09No, it's not fine.
07:11It's not fine.
07:12That's not the point.
07:12Well, it is slightly the point.
07:14Keep going, I reckon, Sue.
07:14If you're making money...
07:16Yeah.
07:16No, things can go very wrong in gambling very fast.
07:19They haven't gone wrong.
07:20Rachel?
07:20Well, I know, but...
07:21Well, OK.
07:23But she's doing...
07:24It's a slippery slope.
07:25Yeah, it is.
07:25Yeah.
07:26It's a super slippery slope.
07:27These bingo halls, they do everything they can to reel you in and clean you out.
07:32And if you're saving up for a round-the-world trip, Mum, it's a bad idea.
07:36Really bad idea.
07:37Right, yes, well...
07:38Relax.
07:39There is a lady at Mecca called Ethel.
07:41Cool.
07:42And she's always inviting me over to play, um, what do you call it? Uno.
07:46OK.
07:46Oh, my God, Uno.
07:47That's why I was going to...
07:48Well, yeah, great.
07:49Stick to Uno.
07:50Where's my Uno trophy?
07:52Um, they're with your dad's archery ones, I think.
07:54Why?
07:54Um, Maya doesn't believe I was the under-7's champion.
07:58Champion?
07:58Champion of what?
07:59Oh, no, no, a county or something.
08:01Oh, look, here we go.
08:01County champion.
08:02Amy, Uno champ, the best girl in bed.
08:06Oh, at least...
08:07Wow, did you win a tournament then or something?
08:09I guess.
08:10Can't remember.
08:11It's going in the flat, though, in front of Maya's trampolining ones.
08:13Well, don't...
08:14See how she likes that?
08:15Apple.
08:16Yeah, Amy, you should...
08:17No, no, no, no, no, no.
08:19What?
08:20What is it?
08:21Oh.
08:22Oh, my God, what was that?
08:23Did you leave the front door open?
08:24Because it does that, the back door's open, too.
08:26You didn't close it either.
08:28Well, no, I know that, but...
08:29Oh, gold.
08:30Now look at what you've done, you dipshit.
08:32I'm coming, Atlas.
08:33Wind the bobbing up.
08:35Oh, no.
08:35Wind the bobbing up.
08:37I can't cope with that.
08:38Sam, can you shut the door, please?
08:40I just got it out of my head.
08:42Wind the bobbing up.
08:43Wind the bobbing up.
08:45Wind the bobbing up.
08:46Pull, pull.
08:48Clap, clap.
08:49Oh.
08:51I can still hear her.
08:53Oh, no, Amy.
08:55Oh, dear.
08:57What's going on?
08:58Me and Maya broke up.
09:01Maya and I, but yeah, oh, dear.
09:04Oh, dear.
09:04What's happened this time, Bag?
09:06Well, Mum gave us couples therapy is what happened.
09:08Well, hang on.
09:09That's not why you...
09:10She told Maya we're not compatible.
09:12Well, no, I asked questions.
09:14I certainly didn't tell her anything.
09:15And her side on everything.
09:16All right, don't blame your mother.
09:18Slagging me off, comparing me to Dad.
09:19Well, they're two different things, aren't they?
09:21You're a menace.
09:23You shouldn't be anywhere near counselling.
09:25Oh, it'll blow over.
09:27Maya said I'm feckless.
09:29Well, that's bang out of order, that is, isn't it?
09:31Yeah.
09:32Is it?
09:32What does that mean?
09:33Well, it's a smushing together of effing and useless, isn't it?
09:35Well, it's not.
09:37Is it not?
09:37No.
09:38I'll tell you what, I'll Google it.
09:38Hang on.
09:39Who's going to keep the hamster?
09:40Who's going to keep the flat more to the point?
09:42I can't think about that right now.
09:44Feckless.
09:45Lacking purpose and strength of character.
09:47Incompetent.
09:48Yeah, I do know this one.
09:49I've been called this before.
09:50Right, you see?
09:51Yep.
09:52You are not feckless, Amy.
09:54No.
09:54I mean, you started a bang for one thing.
09:56Yeah, amen.
09:57I mean, that takes a lot of feck.
09:59You're certainly not incompetent.
10:01Is this even real?
10:02Did I actually win best girl in Bedford?
10:05I mean, even as I asked that, I realised I definitely didn't.
10:09You didn't get anything at school prize-giving, so you gave me a fake trophy.
10:14Oh, my God, that's tragic.
10:16Well, we thought it might cheer you up, you know.
10:18Well, that didn't work, did it?
10:19No.
10:19Look at me.
10:21It worked pretty well at the time, to be fair.
10:23Oh, no, Amy, please.
10:25I'll call Maya.
10:26I'll try and talk to her.
10:27I think you've done enough, don't you?
10:29Oh, hello.
10:30Ethel Tyshurst.
10:31Oh.
10:32Here's a player who knows.
10:33Oh, hello, Ethel.
10:35Oh, come in.
10:37This is my family.
10:39Ethel Tyshurst.
10:41Yeah, you said that.
10:42Oh, can I take your coat, Ethel?
10:43No, thank you.
10:44No.
10:45Why is he filming me?
10:46Yeah, he will do that.
10:47We can ask him to stop.
10:48And I'll say no.
10:49OK.
10:50Well, it doesn't matter.
10:51The government are watching me anyway.
10:53Huh?
10:53Oh, are they?
10:55Why?
10:56They want to know everything I'm up to, don't they?
10:58What are you up to?
11:00Nothing.
11:01Well, I'm not sure why they'll be doing that, then.
11:03For control.
11:04Right.
11:05Hence the plandemic.
11:06Ah, she's one of them.
11:07So, where are we playing then, Sue?
11:10Oh, oh, yes.
11:10Yes, this way.
11:11Go through.
11:11This way.
11:12Yeah, there might be a baby crying now and then on a monitor over there.
11:18Yeah, um, yeah, he's just in the other room and he is a very bad sleeper.
11:24OK, Dad.
11:25Would you like a sherry, Ethel?
11:27I brought me own, thanks.
11:28Right.
11:29I don't drink from open bottles in case they've been spiked with drugs or poison or both.
11:36You've brought your own glass as well.
11:38And I don't like leaving my DNA in case people try to clone me.
11:43Oh, well, we won't be doing that.
11:46Dad, she can't sit there.
11:47That's the wrong chair.
11:48Oh, yeah, sorry, Ethel, yeah, you can't.
11:51This is your chair.
11:52Why?
11:53Um, well, that's my mum's special one, isn't it, mum?
11:57They're exactly the same.
12:00Oh, yeah, yeah, that's right, sorry.
12:02I love that chair, Ethel.
12:04She loves it.
12:05Specifically, that one.
12:08It's the way it is, isn't it?
12:10Chairs.
12:11Relax, Dad.
12:12And, um...
12:13OK, that's...
12:16That's set.
12:17Good.
12:17Good game, ladies.
12:19Dad.
12:19I bid you good game.
12:20Stop talking, Dad.
12:21Hmm.
12:22Where are the jammy dodgers, mum?
12:23Huh?
12:24Oh, I think you ate them.
12:26Well, yeah, but did you buy any more?
12:28Oh, no, I must have forgotten.
12:30Sorry.
12:30Is she coming?
12:31It was 1.30.
12:32Yeah, I know.
12:33Welcome to my world.
12:35She'll be late.
12:35She's coming from work.
12:36Oh, is that for us?
12:38Can I have Fanta instead?
12:39That's not the way therapy works.
12:40You don't get to choose to drink.
12:41Did you get Fanta, Granny?
12:43Oh, no.
12:44Sorry, love.
12:45Oh.
12:46Is everything all right, mum?
12:47Yeah.
12:48I just...
12:49Oh, here's Robin and the merry men.
12:51I mean, why are all three of them here?
12:53Oh, God.
12:54Hi, guys.
12:55Oi, oi.
12:55Didn't want to ring the bell, in case the boy wonder was napping.
12:58How's he doing, Sue?
12:59All right.
12:59Yeah, well, he downed his bottle, did a poo, and fell asleep.
13:02Like father, like son, isn't it?
13:03That is pure class.
13:05Yeah, yeah, yeah.
13:06She's a baby.
13:07That's fine.
13:08Hi, Robin.
13:09Hi.
13:09Hello, the rest of you.
13:10Not been rude, but why are you all here?
13:12Yes.
13:12All right, Rachel, like the old sexy secretary thing.
13:15Well, thank you.
13:16Old school.
13:17Hey, we won't hang about.
13:17We're just here to, uh...
13:19Come on, then, Sam.
13:20What?
13:21What do you mean?
13:21Let the cat see the flap.
13:22Get your swapsies out, boy.
13:24Oh, no, sorry.
13:25I haven't been collecting the stickers.
13:26What?
13:27I thought you gave him an album.
13:28I did, no, I did.
13:29Yeah, that doesn't mean I'm going to spend a fortune filling it in.
13:31I mean, oh, go on.
13:32I've scribed off the garden centre for this.
13:34I didn't ask you to do that.
13:35I would get in trouble with Mr. Peters.
13:36I can't keep buying packets until I complete the album, lad.
13:38It'll clean me out.
13:39Yeah.
13:39I've already sold my car.
13:41Oh, my God, have you?
13:42Oh, I have, yeah.
13:43I mean, none of this is my fault.
13:45Well.
13:46I mean, well, maybe just don't complete the album.
13:49Oh, shut up, Paul.
13:49Not an option.
13:50Not an option.
13:51I've only made some school gone.
13:52I think they've all grown out of that now.
13:54Yeah, quite.
13:55Why haven't you three grown out of it?
13:56Oh, that's the thing.
13:57You grow out of it and then eventually you grow back into it.
13:59And what about Terry?
14:00You told her you were stopping.
14:01I will stop once I've completed the album.
14:04That's, don't tell her.
14:05That is the plan.
14:05Please don't tell her.
14:06Okay.
14:06I think I've seen some of the junior school kids collecting them.
14:08Okay, perfect.
14:09Perfect.
14:10I'm not sure three blokes loitering outside a junior school
14:12approaching little kids is perfect.
14:14Oh, come off it, love.
14:15Not all men are nonces.
14:16No, but all nonces are men.
14:18Hmm.
14:19Huh.
14:20I was trying to get my brain, that.
14:21That was deep.
14:23That was proper deep.
14:23Ah, that's Maya.
14:25Okay, so we're going to be in the lounge, so please do not disturb us.
14:29Okay, Parola, can you shut the back door in case the front one slams again?
14:31Yeah, yeah.
14:32Okay.
14:33That's right.
14:34Here we go.
14:35So we're doing swaps, or what?
14:36Well, there's no point, is there?
14:38Hi.
14:38All right.
14:40Oh, hi, Rachel.
14:41Sorry I'm late, I got stuck at the office.
14:43Yeah, Maya works extremely hard in case you didn't pick up.
14:45That's not what I was saying.
14:46Whereas I've got time to kill.
14:47Oh, stop bickering.
14:48Well, it's her, this is what she does.
14:49I know.
14:50You know.
14:50You're meant to be impartial.
14:51Yeah.
14:53Let's start again.
14:55Um.
14:55Heh.
14:56Okay.
14:58Good luck.
14:59Right, let's get this, er, sleeping beauty out of here.
15:02I'll, erm, bag up Atlas's shit.
15:04Yeah.
15:04I've done that, Robin, he's got a new nappy on.
15:06Oh, no, sorry, Sue, I mean his, er, you know, baby gubbins.
15:09Do you fancy collecting the stickers, Sue?
15:11Oh.
15:11Oh, that's very kind of you, Dean.
15:13Not sure it is.
15:15But, but, but, no, the money's a bit tight at the moment for that.
15:18What?
15:19What do you mean, Mum?
15:20Where's his monitor, Sue?
15:22Oh, well, the, erm, screen's on the table, but he napped in the lounge, so the camera's in there.
15:27Ah, gotcha.
15:28Mum, what's...
15:29Ooh, Mum's counselling Amy and Maya in the lounge.
15:32Yeah, well, don't listen in, Sam.
15:33It's meant to be private.
15:35My own listen, so am I.
15:37Definitely.
15:37God, we can't do it.
15:40Hang about, I'll turn it up.
15:41I'm home and she's not even made the bed.
15:42Bed.
15:43Yeah, because I'm against making beds on principle.
15:45Oh, OK, yeah, that's handy.
15:47We're only going to get back in it again, there's no point.
15:49Then what about emptying the bins?
15:50Oh, there's no point in doing that if you just squish it back down.
15:53There's so much more space than you think.
15:55How do you see that? It's exactly like Paul.
15:56Well, don't bring me into it.
15:57But that's how you get bin juice.
15:59I know.
15:59I keep telling him to empty it, but he just doesn't do it.
16:02I will.
16:02I said I would and I will.
16:03She can't hear you, Dad.
16:04No, unless you press the talk button.
16:05Yeah, well, don't do that.
16:06I won't.
16:06Don't know that we're listening.
16:08I can't deal with your apathy.
16:09Apathy.
16:10Mum, I can't deal with your judgment all the time.
16:14Yeah, well, when people have different values,
16:16it can put pressure on a relationship.
16:19Values?
16:19Particularly if money's tight, which it will be.
16:22You think we have different values?
16:23Well, we might explain why you keep breaking up.
16:25No, but we don't want you to explain it, Mum.
16:27No.
16:27We want you to fix it.
16:28Yeah, no, but you can't necessarily fix something
16:30if there's just, you know, basic lack of compatibility
16:32and...
16:33Oh, my God, what are you doing?
16:34I just...
16:35Do you want a biscuit?
16:36I'm going to turn it down.
16:37This is got...
16:38Well, hang on.
16:38No, this isn't fun anymore.
16:39Hang on.
16:39It's not fun anymore.
16:40It's getting eggy.
16:41All right, all right.
16:42Chill out.
16:42Mum, what were you saying earlier about money being tight?
16:50Has something happened?
16:53Oh, well, promise you won't be angry with me.
16:56Well, depends what it is.
16:57I won't be.
16:58I lost £1,500.
17:03Oh!
17:04Lost?
17:05How?
17:06What?
17:06Oh, Mum.
17:08Did you go back to Mecca?
17:10I told you, it's a super slippery slope.
17:12No, no.
17:13This is playing Uno with Ethel.
17:15What?
17:16You lost 1,500 boys playing Uno?
17:18Well, how did this even happen?
17:19Ethel kept topping up Miss Sherry and doubling each hand.
17:23Classic.
17:23She took £900 off Lin West, apparently.
17:27I only found out afterwards.
17:30You got rolled, Sue.
17:31It does happen.
17:31Oh, Mum.
17:33What were you thinking?
17:34You're the one who told her to play Uno.
17:37Yeah, I didn't know there was a gambling version of Uno, Sam.
17:40Oh, yeah?
17:41It's big in India.
17:43Well, I'll never know now.
17:45Can't afford me big trip after this.
17:48I'm such an idiot!
17:49Oh, no, Mum.
17:52No.
17:52We'll get it back.
17:55How do we get it back?
17:56Only one way to do that.
17:58How?
17:58Double or quits, innit?
17:59It is.
18:00Rematch.
18:00Yeah, exactly.
18:01The only way to guarantee you don't lose when you gamble,
18:05you keep gambling.
18:07Well, that's appalling advice.
18:10Is it?
18:10And this Ethel woman is clearly a Uno, you know, grandmaster.
18:16Mum will just get cleaned out again.
18:18Well, not necessarily.
18:20Hmm?
18:21What do you mean?
18:23Okay, so, what's...
18:25Oh, Ethel hasn't got any reds.
18:27Sue should play a red.
18:28Sue should play a red.
18:29Don't push the talk back.
18:30Okay, now I...
18:30You'd have been a great baby.
18:37I was.
18:37Oh, yeah.
18:38Right, let me just...
18:39Oh, look next door.
18:42Oh, no.
18:45Look, you just got lucky, that's all.
18:47It won't last.
18:53And that's three nil.
18:55And it goes up to £400 a hand.
18:58My deal.
18:59Oh.
19:01Oh, I'll get it.
19:03No, you won't.
19:04Okay, cool.
19:04Um, let's talk.
19:09Oh, hi, Maya.
19:10In here.
19:11Yeah, good idea.
19:12Good idea.
19:13Not you, Mum.
19:14Oh, my God.
19:16What's happened?
19:17Uh, she snapped a Uno trophy.
19:20Maybe help Robin with his sticker habit instead, Mum?
19:25Sam, I can't keep driving you in like this.
19:27All right.
19:27Hurry up.
19:28Stop filming.
19:29Put the camera down.
19:29I am, I am.
19:30Yes, yes, yes.
19:31Hang on.
19:31Is that Robin?
19:33Children?
19:34Back in class, please.
19:35Hang on, miss.
19:35Oh, my God.
19:37Oh, no, no.
19:38Come on, back in class.
19:39You guys, you should know better.
19:42Hang around outside before.
19:44Get away.
19:45Aidan.
19:46Aidan.
19:46Where do you live?
19:47We'll be back at three o'clock.
19:49I know what you look like.
19:50Where, what's your address?
19:51Come on, come on.
19:51We can hit up St. Helens.
19:52We can hit up St. Helens.
19:53It's only down there.
19:53Yeah, okay, that's good idea.
19:54Get in the car.
19:55See, they'll be on break in about 45 minutes.
19:56Come on, let's rough.
19:57Okay.
19:59Uh, let's try.
20:04Ah.
20:09On Satan's smelly old bumhole.
20:13Now then.
20:15Wait.
20:17Oh, is the baby all right?
20:20Is the baby all right?
20:22Anyone?
20:23I just picked up a grape.
20:25What was that?
20:26Oh, they must be in there just trying to soothe him.
20:31Wah!
20:32Wah!
20:33Wah!
20:34Wah!
20:35Blue!
20:37Uh, okay, so...
20:40Uno.
20:44And game.
20:45Something's off here.
20:47I can feel it in me waters.
20:48Oh, that'll be the humbugs, Ethel.
20:51They always give me the squids.
20:53Oh.
20:53We can stop if you like.
20:55No.
20:56I'm having a mint fag.
20:58Wow, that's a big box.
21:00I only trust fags imported from Turkey.
21:03Right.
21:03Bill Gates puts nanobox and asbestos in our wands.
21:07I mean, he doesn't, but whatever.
21:09Well, Amber says anyone who doubts you ever has to go.
21:13Ah, yeah, ah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
21:16Oh, so you're beating her then?
21:18Oh, we are beating her like an egg.
21:22Yeah, yeah.
21:23We're beating her into stiff, glossy peaks.
21:27Can I say bitch?
21:28No.
21:29No, absolutely not.
21:30I wasn't going to.
21:32How's Amy?
21:33Oh, God, the usual, you know, hates me, thinks I'm a terrible counsellor slash mum.
21:38Maybe she's right, maybe I should back it in.
21:40Not being her mother.
21:42No, being a counsellor.
21:44Oh, yeah, yeah.
21:46I mean, maybe it's not for me.
21:48No.
21:49What do you think?
21:52I mean, maybe you should speak to a counsellor.
21:55Okay, thank you.
21:56Well done, Dad.
21:57Oh, there she is.
21:58Hey, Mum.
21:59Oh, yeah.
22:01Huh?
22:01Well done.
22:02Sit down, babe.
22:03How are you feeling?
22:04I'm absolutely shattered after that.
22:06Oh, well, come here, champ.
22:07I got you.
22:08I got you.
22:08Oh.
22:09I'm actually happy to stop now because I've nearly made the money back that I need from
22:14my round-the-world trip.
22:16Oh, great.
22:16Don't you mean across the world?
22:18Oh.
22:18You can't go around it.
22:20It's flat.
22:21Well, it's not, but okay.
22:23And we're not stopping, thank you.
22:25Ooh.
22:26Double R quits.
22:27All in.
22:28Oh.
22:29Wow.
22:30That is a serious word to cash.
22:31That is one cheeky chunk.
22:33I carry all my money at all times in cash, just to be safe.
22:38Safe?
22:39That's not safe.
22:40You want to put it in a safe if you want it to be safe.
22:42Or, you know, a bank.
22:44I don't use banks, thank you.
22:45They're all owned by paedophiles.
22:47Oh, no.
22:49Are they?
22:50Well, no, sir.
22:51I mean, why would they be?
22:52No.
22:52Banks, politics, Hollywood, Happy Eater.
22:56All run by paedophiles.
22:57They're everywhere.
22:58Happy Eater?
22:58There were some at my nephew's school last week.
23:01What?
23:02Why are they?
23:03Three of the sickos were caught, bothering little-uns.
23:06Claimed they were trying to swap football stickers.
23:09But they were definitely paedophiles, apparently.
23:11From luck of them.
23:12That's, uh...
23:17Oh.
23:17My.
23:18God.
23:18I know.
23:19Come on, Sue.
23:20One last round.
23:21Three grand.
23:22Winner takes all.
23:23You get up, Mum.
23:24All right?
23:25You got this.
23:25You got this.
23:27Go on, Granny.
23:27Come on.
23:30I've so nearly completed the album.
23:32It's just, if I can't...
23:33It's actually gross.
23:34It's actually gross.
23:35It's gross.
23:35You and your weird little friends are gross.
23:37I've got 37 stickers to go.
23:38I can't stop now.
23:39I can't stop now, babe.
23:40I've had a child with you.
23:41Yeah.
23:41So embarrassing, that is.
23:42It's embarrassing.
23:43Yeah.
23:43I can't.
23:44Babe, can we just talk about our home?
23:46You are not going home tonight.
23:47You are sleeping here with Atlas.
23:50And tomorrow, I am calling Amber.
23:52Oh, no.
23:53Yes, I am.
23:53Please don't make me go back to Amber.
23:55Tez!
23:56We need couples therapy, Robin, and you're paying.
23:59Fuck.
23:59It...
24:00Shit.
24:03Oh, Sue.
24:05Yep.
24:08Oh.
24:09Oh, my life.
24:10There's times like this that make me wonder if collecting football stickers is even worth
24:15it at all.
24:15I mean, of course it isn't, Robin.
24:17Hang on.
24:17Back door's still open.
24:19Yeah, and?
24:19So that means that the front door's gonna...
24:22Do that.
24:23Oh!
24:23What was that?
24:25Oh.
24:26Oh.
24:26Oh, no.
24:27That's...
24:28What happened?
24:29The front door's slammed again.
24:30Come on, let's...
24:31Is the baby all right, Paul?
24:33The baby all right?
24:34He's awake, Sue.
24:36The baby's awake.
24:38Yeah, we're sorry, Mum.
24:39We didn't think he'd actually wake up.
24:41What are you talking about?
24:42It's been crying all bloody night.
24:44Oh, yeah.
24:45Well, can you get him back to sleep, Robin?
24:47Not normally, no.
24:49I'd try.
24:50Yeah.
24:51Do we stop or what?
24:53No, we're not stopping.
24:55So what do I...
24:56You're just gonna have to win, Mum.
24:58Like you've won every hand so far.
25:01You can do it.
25:02Yes.
25:10And pick up, too.
25:13Put that in your arse and smoke it.
25:15What?
25:16Oh, Maya.
25:17Are you off?
25:18Er, yeah.
25:19I, erm...
25:20Yep.
25:21Er, bye, Rachel.
25:23Not thank you for everything.
25:26Oh.
25:27Yes, no worries.
25:29Bye.
25:30Bye, Maya.
25:30Bye.
25:32Everything OK?
25:39Uh-huh.
25:39All good.
25:40Oh, phew.
25:42What a relief.
25:43I thought it ruined everything.
25:44We broke up.
25:44OK.
25:46But we had to.
25:48You were right.
25:50You said what we needed to hear.
25:53You're actually quite a good counsellor, turns out.
25:56Mm.
25:56That's wiped the grin off your chops, hasn't it?
26:06How's it going, Sam?
26:07This is the last hand.
26:08They're paying for £3,000.
26:10Come on, Mum.
26:11Oh, my God.
26:11Come on, see.
26:22Miss-a-go.
26:24And...
26:25Oh, no.
26:27Yes!
26:28Eat that!
26:29Gobble that up!
26:31No-one beats Ethel Veronica Tyshurst.
26:33No-one.
26:34Oh, Mum.
26:36I'll be having this.
26:37Hang on.
26:39What?
26:40You didn't say Uno.
26:42I did.
26:43She's right, you didn't.
26:44That's a two-car penalty.
26:46I did.
26:46Of course I did.
26:47You didn't, actually.
26:49And I was filming it all, if you want to check.
26:51Oh, ho!
26:52Pick up two, Ethel.
26:53Them's the rules.
26:56You're a go, then, Granny.
26:58Hang on.
27:01Uno.
27:04Uno.
27:07Dave!
27:07No!
27:09Yes!
27:10Yes, Granny!
27:11Yes!
27:12You cheated!
27:13I don't know how!
27:14But you cheated me!
27:16All of you!
27:16You're all in on it!
27:18Yeah, all right.
27:18Another conspiracy theory.
27:20You're paranoid, mate!
27:22Amy!
27:23Amy, you saved my bacon!
27:26Yeah, never underestimate the under-7s champion.
27:29Still the best girl in bed.
27:31Yeah!
27:31Come on, I still know the rules.
27:33Actually, let's get her trophy.
27:34Where's her trophy?
27:35Oh, I put it in the bin!
27:36Why did you put it in the bin?
27:37Oh, because...
27:38Get that camera out of my face.
27:40I feel like Princess Diana here.
27:42Got it!
27:42She's still alive, you know.
27:44Oh, that was fake.
27:45Cool, bye.
27:46Oh, the baby's still crying.
27:48That's a bobbin.
27:49No.
27:50Ta-da!
27:50Yay!
27:51Oh, there you are.
27:53Yeah!
27:54Yay!
27:56Yeah, yeah, now you're pleased I didn't empty the bin.
27:58You're welcome!
28:00Don't get it, it's covered in salmon.
28:02Ugh.
28:02Wind the bobbin up, wind the bobbin up.
28:05Pull, pull, clap, clap, clap.
28:08Wind it back again, wind it back again.
28:11Pull, pull, clap, clap, clap.
28:14Points to the ceiling, points to the floor.
28:17Points to the window, points to the door.
28:20Clap your hands together, one, two, three.
28:22Put your hand up on your knee.
28:25Clap your hands together, one, two, three.
28:34chat with her attention.
28:35Just get back on your head.
Comments