- 13/05/2025
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00THE END
00:16Sylvie, could you come in here, please?
00:22Yes, Damien?
00:24I've been thinking.
00:26We've become rather staid recently.
00:29We haven't really produced any truly interesting titles for some time.
00:33We need some new blood.
00:40Did you have anyone in mind?
00:42I was rather hoping you might.
00:44How about Peter Gibbons?
00:46I don't think so.
00:50Jason Murray?
00:51Drew Artie.
00:55Tim Bisley?
00:56Bisley.
00:59Why do I know that name?
01:01He came in last year.
01:02You laughed him out of the office.
01:04He had blonde hair.
01:06Small ears.
01:08Ah, yes.
01:09Bisley, that's right.
01:11I remember his work now.
01:13All muscles and guns.
01:15Most amusing.
01:16Give him a ring, will you show of me?
01:18Get me his portfolio.
01:21Okay.
01:24I think it's time we gave young Mr Bisley another shot.
01:27I think it's time for you.
01:28I think it's time for you to get started.
01:29You've had to go.
01:30You've had to go.
01:31It's time for you to go.
01:32You've had to go.
01:33We've had to go.
01:34No!
01:35No!
01:36No!
01:37No!
01:38No!
01:39No!
01:40No!
01:41No!
01:42No!
01:43No!
01:44No!
01:45No!
01:46No!
01:47No!
01:48No!
01:49No!
01:51No!
01:52No!
01:53No!
01:54No!
01:55No!
01:56No!
01:57You idiot!
01:58Morning, flatmate.
01:59Coffee and Killing?
02:00No!
02:01No!
02:02No!
02:03Coffee and Kilroy?
02:04No, thanks.
02:05Tea and Tricia?
02:06No!
02:07What's the matter?
02:08Why are you squimmaging around?
02:09You're making me nervous.
02:10Sophie from Dark Star called.
02:11Sophie?
02:12Yeah, Damien Knox wants to see my portfolio again.
02:14Sophie?
02:15No, Damien Knox.
02:16He's the head of Dark Star Comics.
02:18He wants to see my portfolio again.
02:19I am a little bit nervous.
02:21God, wow.
02:22He wants to see your portfolio.
02:24God, what a break.
02:26That's brilliant, Tim.
02:27Is it, Daisy?
02:28Yeah, yeah.
02:29God, well done.
02:30That's excellent.
02:31Yeah, really.
02:32Hold on you.
02:33Hold on you.
02:34Hold on.
02:38What's that?
02:39I don't know.
02:40It's coming from upstairs.
02:41Maybe it's Marsha.
02:42Maybe it's Mike.
02:43Maybe it's Mike and Marsha.
02:45Ready to go again, soldier?
02:48Cock-locked and ready to rock.
02:50You got anything special planned for today?
02:53I have got a bit of a project, actually.
02:55I'm going to be as inactive as I can in order to really get into the psyche of someone who's,
02:59say, unemployed.
03:00Not just vocationally, but cerebrally.
03:02To see if the predicament of enforced passivity actually exacerbates itself.
03:05You know, does inactivity breed laziness?
03:07All right, you're going to write an article about it.
03:09No, I can't be bothered.
03:19I'm not really a praying man, and I never really ask you for much.
03:22So if you could just see your way clear to helping me today, I would be really, really grateful.
03:27Thank you very much.
03:29Amen.
03:42Oh, massive wanker.
03:51It's all right.
03:52It's my messenger.
03:57It's weird.
03:59What?
04:00There's nobody there.
04:01Oi, oi!
04:03You lucky people!
04:04Oh, hi, Ties.
04:06I understand you two, uh, friends wanted to talk to me.
04:10Yeah, I was just wondering if you could run my portfolio over to Darkstar for me.
04:14Oh, I see.
04:15You don't call me for weeks, and all of a sudden you want a favour?
04:17That's nice, that is.
04:18Do you know the last time I seen you?
04:20You said you wished that I was your da, and you hugged me for the entire length of the acid-tweak
04:24and funk mix of Josh Wink's higher state of consciousness, and now you want to go
04:27and you want me to ferry around your art for you?
04:29Yes, please.
04:30OK.
04:31By the way, you owe me 20 quid.
04:33Oh, right, yeah.
04:36And how are you, my little pocket Shakespeare?
04:38Come up with any exciting literary characters lately?
04:40Yes, actually, yes.
04:42Dizzy Steinway.
04:43I like it.
04:44I like it.
04:45What is she, some sort of crime-busting jazz singer?
04:48No, actually, it's the name I'm using to sign on.
04:50You want to get up off your arse and get yourself a job, Dizzy, or whatever your name isn't?
04:54Nice hair, by the way.
04:56There you go, mate.
04:57Cheers.
04:58Now, my livelihood is in here, okay, so I got it with your life.
05:01As ever.
05:02Are you just coming out at the weekend?
05:03I'm a bit strapped for cash, actually.
05:05You couldn't lend me 20 quid, could you?
05:07Yeah, sure.
05:08Great.
05:10What's that noise?
05:12Erm...
05:13We don't know.
05:14We don't know.
05:15I like it.
05:24Right, well, you better get off.
05:26That's got to be there by 11 o'clock.
05:27Right you are, sir.
05:28Do you know something?
05:29I've got a good feeling about this parcel.
05:30Yeah, well, you know, hopefully things might start going my way.
05:33You know, it's like, son, it's all in front of you like a wheelbarrow.
05:35Do it, please, Timmy.
05:39That was close.
05:41He nearly went disco on us, then.
05:44What is that noise?
05:45I don't know.
05:46I'm going to go and find out.
05:47Oh, right.
05:48Can you tell Mike that I, er, I need him?
05:49What for?
05:50No reason.
05:51I just...
05:52I need him.
05:55Yeah?
05:56You feel it on your butt?
05:57That's good.
05:58Well, shut up.
05:59Oh, come in, kitten.
06:00It's over.
06:03All in, Daisy.
06:04Hi, Mike.
06:05Nice outfit.
06:06Thanks.
06:07Uh, Tim wants you.
06:08No, wants me or needs me.
06:10Uh, needs you.
06:11Right.
06:12Ladies.
06:14So what are you up to, Marsha?
06:16Oh, it shares no fitness video.
06:19Phone for Europe.
06:20Mike reckons I've got between 50 and 20 years to find hubby number three and I want to look my best.
06:25Hey, why don't you come for a jog with me?
06:28Oh, no, no.
06:29Oh, come on.
06:30It'll be fun.
06:31Get off your arse.
06:32Get the adrenaline pumping.
06:33No, no, no.
06:34I shouldn't do sport of any kind.
06:35I'm actually allergic to endorphins.
06:36I get very competitive.
06:37Anyway, what's to look like these people, you know?
06:38Go to the gym all day.
06:39Go to some premiere in a low cut dress to get on the cover of some magazine.
06:42What kind of a life is that?
06:43I'm happy right where I am.
06:44Where is it?
06:45Where's what?
06:46There was a picture on the sofa of a man with a white eye saying, I am a massive wanker.
06:48Where is it?
06:49And don't say that you put it in my portfolio, okay?
06:50Because if you did, I cannot begin to describe the damage you may have done.
06:52Well, I...
06:53Listen, Daisy.
06:54Who wants this to be easy?
06:55You're amongst friends.
06:56I just...
06:57You just what?
06:58Come on, Daisy.
06:59What are you done with it?
07:00Did you put it in my portfolio?
07:01I put it in a portfolio.
07:02What?
07:03I put it in your portfolio.
07:04What?
07:05I put it in your portfolio.
07:06What?
07:07What?
07:08What?
07:09What?
07:10What?
07:11What?
07:12What?
07:13What?
07:14What?
07:15What are you doing?
07:16What?
07:17What?
07:18What?
07:19What?
07:20What?
07:21What?
07:22What?
07:23What?
07:24Did she just say what I think she said?
07:25She put it in my portfolio.
07:26What?
07:27I thought you'd forgotten about it.
07:28I was just trying to help.
07:29Well, that was a picture of a man who was just about to decide whether or not I work for
07:33Dark Star Comics.
07:34You're beginning to see why I left it out.
07:36Yes.
07:37Yes.
07:38Yes.
07:39And I'm sorry.
07:40I was just trying to help.
07:41Well, don't.
07:42If you're going to help anybody, get off your arse and help yourself.
07:43Why does everybody keep talking about my arse?
07:45Mike, come on.
07:46We've got to try and stop tyres.
07:47Don't worry, Daisy.
07:50Tim's just really angry at you because you've jeopardised his future.
07:53OK?
07:54I was just trying to help!
07:57God.
07:58Ow!
07:59Ow!
08:00Ow!
08:01Ow!
08:02Ow!
08:03All right, kitten?
08:04Yes!
08:05Sure you don't want to come for a job?
08:06Yes.
08:07You got work to do?
08:09No.
08:10What are you going to do, then?
08:12Sit around the house waiting for Tim to come home?
08:15I'll get my plimp soles.
08:26Is Brian there?
08:29Why are you dressed like that?
08:31She thought he might like to come for a run.
08:34Might ease your frustration.
08:36What frustration?
08:38Why, Brian?
08:39I happen to like going out.
08:40It's important for me to be seen out.
08:41Well, I don't want to go out.
08:42I want to stay out.
08:43Oh, and have sex.
08:44Yes.
08:45That's all you ever want to do.
08:46I'm not just here for one thing, you know.
08:47I want you to see me as a whole.
08:48I do.
08:49A whole, Brian, with a W.
08:50Oh.
08:51I just thought you might like a jug.
08:55No, I can't.
08:56Mum's coming to town.
08:57We're going to go out for lunch.
08:59Is that why you're dressed like that?
09:01She thinks I'm a lawyer.
09:03Bloody hell.
09:05I thought I knew all your little secrets.
09:08No wonder you're so tense.
09:11Come on!
09:14Come on!
09:15What is the hold-up?
09:17There's been an accident.
09:19Somebody got hurt.
09:22Who?
09:23A lady.
09:26How do you know?
09:27Because we hit her.
09:29Did we?
09:30Yeah, that's her then.
09:32What the hell do you think you're doing?
09:34It's broad bloody daylight.
09:35You people have no consideration for cyclists.
09:40Pardon?
09:41What the hell do you think you're doing?
09:42It's broad bloody daylight.
09:43You people have no consideration for cyclists.
09:45All right.
09:46What's your problem?
09:49You all right then, kitten?
09:50You think you can go on?
09:51Yeah.
09:52Come on then.
09:53Yeah.
09:54Yeah.
09:55Yeah.
09:56Sure.
09:57Sure.
09:58That's not going to happen because he's a small fish in a big pond and I'm a big shark.
10:00Yes.
10:01Yeah.
10:02Yeah.
10:03Yeah.
10:04Sure.
10:05Sure.
10:06Sure.
10:07That's not going to happen because he's a small fish in a big pond and I'm a big shark.
10:09Yes.
10:10Yeah.
10:11Okay.
10:12Goodbye.
10:13Yeah.
10:14Bye.
10:15Hi, Mum.
10:16Oh, hello, love.
10:17Shall we go?
10:18Aren't we going in?
10:19No.
10:20I've got the builders in.
10:21They're making a wall.
10:22I know.
10:23A very good place to eat.
10:24This is all right, isn't it?
10:25Yeah.
10:26What did I tell you?
10:27It's actually quite fun.
10:28Oh, shit.
10:29There he is.
10:31Tyres!
10:32What do you want?
10:33What do you want?
10:34Oh, I'm not going to go.
10:35I'm going to go.
10:36I'm going to go.
10:37Oh, hello.
10:38Aren't we going in?
10:39No.
10:40I've got the builders in.
10:41They're, um, making a wall.
10:42I know.
10:43A very good place to eat.
10:44This is all right, isn't it?
10:46Yeah.
10:47What did I tell you?
10:48I'm going to go.
10:49It's actually quite fun.
10:50Oh, shit.
10:51There he is.
10:52Tyres!
10:53Oh, shit.
10:55There he is.
10:56Tyres!
10:57Tyres!
11:16What about you, Timmy Live?
11:18Tyres, don't deliver that parcel.
11:20Why?
11:20Is there something in that I don't want them to see?
11:22What, paperclips?
11:24No, where's my portfolio?
11:25I delivered out about a half an hour ago.
11:28No!
11:32Did you get it?
11:33Nice outfit.
11:34Thanks.
11:37Tim Bisley's portfolio has arrived, Damien.
11:40Right.
11:44Actually, I'll look at it after lunch.
11:55Yeah, but can't we just go out and get it?
11:57Sorry, mate.
11:58Not even I can get to the Upper Reaches.
11:59See, all parcel's left at reception, right?
12:01And then picked up by in-house personnel.
12:03Damn, damn.
12:04But they must let some people up there.
12:05Not without an appointment.
12:06Shit, shit.
12:07Then how the hell are we going to get my picture back?
12:09Mike, any ideas?
12:20Tyres?
12:20Yeah, but we're going to need another walkie-talkie.
12:26Or two.
12:28We can have a large half-calf frappuccino, please, with whipped cream and marshmallow dunkers.
12:36Thank you, Mum.
12:37Oh, yes.
12:39I'll have one of those, too.
12:41I mean, in Rome.
12:44So, how is everything?
12:46Good.
12:47How's Twist?
12:48It's good.
12:49Good.
12:49Yeah, just out of town.
12:50Can't wait to meet us.
12:52Very busy.
12:53Well, fashion is big business these days, Brown.
12:55I mean, you know that.
13:03Oh.
13:04Are they friends of yours?
13:05No, I've never seen them.
13:07No, I've never seen them.
13:13Brian?
13:14What is it?
13:16Sorry.
13:18What is it?
13:19It's me again.
13:19I can see that.
13:20Third time today.
13:22Have you got something to deliver?
13:24Well, I was just thinking, right?
13:26I'm getting a bit long-toothed outside the lark, you know?
13:28See the old pins?
13:29They ain't what they used to be.
13:31What's your point?
13:32I was wondering what it was like to be a security guard.
13:34You know, I've always fancied on myself.
13:35I really look up to people like you.
13:39Do you?
13:39Yeah.
13:40Why do I get to be like you?
13:41Well, I'll tell you what.
13:44Give us your name and address, and I'll send you all you need to apply.
13:47Would you?
13:48Yeah, sure.
13:49Why not?
13:50Brilliant.
13:51All right, my name's Henry Krinkle.
13:53K-R-I-N-K-L-E.
13:56154 Hopper Avenue.
13:58Hopper?
13:58Yeah, yeah, Hopper.
14:03Oh!
14:04Oh!
14:05Ow!
14:05Oh, ow!
14:06Oh!
14:09Colin!
14:10Stop her!
14:11Who does he think he is?
14:14Bob bloody Kane!
14:16Tell him I make more money pimping his grandma.
14:21So how's Dad?
14:23Oh, you know your father.
14:24Frustrated as ever.
14:26He's taken up art classes.
14:27What?
14:28Yes.
14:29Well, I think he'd always fancied himself as a bit of an artist.
14:31Of course, he keeps it to himself.
14:33We always hoped you might go in for that sort of thing.
14:36He was so good at it at school.
14:38It might have given you something to talk about with your father.
14:42Mum?
14:44What, love?
14:47Something I should tell you.
14:49What is it?
14:51This is it.
14:52Full floor.
14:54You ready, Mike?
14:55I was born ready, Timmy.
14:57Yeah, but are you ready now?
14:58Um, yeah.
14:59Okay, all we've got to do is get the picture back and not get caught.
15:01No, I can help me.
15:04Yeah, yeah, tell Stella.
15:06I'll speak to him later, after I put personally out of his misery.
15:18There it is.
15:20Shit.
15:21Is it locked?
15:22No, I was joking.
15:24What are we going to do?
15:26Ah, there.
15:28What?
15:29Ventilation shaft.
15:31Simple and classic.
15:34Oh.
15:34I can't believe this, Brian.
15:38I'm sorry, Mum.
15:39Why?
15:40Well, you know, I just thought you'd be disappointed.
15:42But that's so silly.
15:43Me and your dad, we don't mind what you do so long as you're not gay.
15:46I bet you made up Twist as well.
15:48I should have known.
15:49I mean, what sort of a name is Twist?
15:51No, she's real.
15:53Well, that's something.
15:55So, you're an artist.
15:57Yep.
15:58What sort of thing do you do?
16:00Um, anger.
16:02Pain.
16:07Pain.
16:09Ow!
16:10Fear.
16:14Aggression.
16:18Watercolours?
16:19Do you want clubbing much?
16:23No.
16:23Do a lot of night work.
16:24I love night work.
16:25I'm usually up to all hours.
16:27No.
16:27Speeding through the night.
16:29Yeah, something like that.
16:29OK, stay out of sight.
16:39If anybody comes, warm me on the walkie.
16:41Roger.
16:41Let's go.
16:42All right.
16:42How's your knee?
17:06Oh, Liv.
17:08My teeth hurt.
17:09Oh, I wish I hadn't started this now.
17:14I'm sorry, Marsha, but I did warn you.
17:18It was the same with netball.
17:21At school.
17:24I remember playing a friendly in the upper sixths.
17:28I played goal attack.
17:30Anna had a real rivalry with the goalie on the other team.
17:33She was called Nina.
17:35I remember the goal shooter took a shot
17:37and it was obvious Nina was going to save.
17:40So I did what I had to do.
17:43I saved the game.
17:46But I lost a lot of friends.
17:50I just shouldn't exercise.
17:53It's not just bad for me, it's bad for everybody.
17:56I don't know.
17:58I'm really beginning to feel the benefit now, yeah.
18:00Colin, let's fuck off home.
18:07I wonder if Tim's back.
18:10What's Colin looking at?
18:17Where's he off to?
18:18Oh, my God!
18:24So, when did you decide to become an artist, then?
18:27I think it was, you know, when the dog died.
18:29Oh, you never did get over that, did you?
18:32Colin!
18:34Colin!
18:34Colin!
18:35Not again.
18:56Colin!
18:56Colin!
19:02Colin!
19:03What the hell do you think you're doing?
19:17Ooh!
19:17Um...
19:18Well, I, uh...
19:20I was just...
19:22Looking for this?
19:24Yes.
19:26Yes, I...
19:26Yeah, um...
19:27I had to get it back.
19:29You see, because, I mean, if Mr Knox saw it,
19:32then it, uh...
19:33Wouldn't really do you any favours, would it?
19:35No, no, no.
19:37No.
19:38Um...
19:39How are you, Sophie?
19:41Fine, thanks.
19:43Good.
19:44Good.
19:45It's not, I forgot you worked here.
19:47Really?
19:51Tim!
19:52That girl you fancies coming into the office!
19:54Thanks, Mike.
20:01How's Damien?
20:02I'm sorry.
20:04You just ran out in front of me.
20:07I know you.
20:08You're a massive wanker.
20:09I said I was sorry.
20:11I've had enough of this, keeping fit.
20:13It's too bloody dangerous.
20:14Well, if people will insist on throwing themselves in front of cars,
20:17what do you expect?
20:18She could sue you, you know.
20:20For what?
20:22Dangerous driving.
20:24Bloody hell.
20:25You're not a lawyer, are you?
20:26No.
20:27He's an artist.
20:31Here's your picture.
20:32Ah, thanks.
20:34I think I'll keep this one, though.
20:37Yeah, yeah, fine.
20:39It was nice to see you again, Tim.
20:42Well, you're nice, too.
20:42Mm-hmm.
20:43It was nice to see you, too.
20:46Tim?
20:46Yes.
20:47What are you doing on Friday?
20:49What?
20:51Would you like to go out for a drink with me on Friday?
20:55Yeah.
20:57Great.
20:58I'll give you a ring.
21:00OK.
21:01See you Friday.
21:03See you Friday.
21:12You got it?
21:14That's not all I got.
21:15Leave the coffee.
21:20Never been to Arbita.
21:22I should go, mate.
21:23Yeah.
21:24Went to Gran Canaria this year.
21:25I got some pictures, actually.
21:29What the...
21:30The cut is out of the bag.
21:32The cut is out of the bag.
21:35Shit!
21:42He's taking the stairs.
21:42Get the left.
21:43He's taking the stairs.
21:43Get the left.
21:44He's taking the stairs.
21:45Get the left.
21:47Shit!
21:47Shit!
21:48Let's go.
22:18Hi.
22:21Well, now, you're keen, aren't you?
22:25Haven't had a chance to look over your stuff yet.
22:29Oh, that's all right.
22:33Everything all right? What else?
22:34Sorry, sir. I thought I saw some unauthorised personnel on the monitor.
22:39I haven't seen anybody.
22:41All right, I'll go back to my desk then.
22:44Hello, Mike.
22:45Hello.
22:46What are you doing here?
22:46Oh, I'm here with you.
22:47All right. Are you coming to tea this Saturday?
22:49Oh, yes. Stealth and tactics weekend. Don't miss it.
22:53I have an idea for an infiltration technique.
22:56It involves draining on the hand of his blood and replacing it with tiser.
22:59That sounds great. All right. Look forward to that.
23:01See you Saturday.
23:02Yeah, bye once.
23:03Sir?
23:05Yes, right.
23:07Good to see you're looking so enthusiastic, Bisley.
23:11I'll let you know either way.
23:13Thanks, Mr. Knox.
23:15Damien.
23:18Thanks, Damien.
23:22Nice outfit.
23:23Oh, thanks.
23:25Oh, he's nice, isn't he?
23:29So, we happy?
23:30Are we happy?
23:31Right there.
23:32Mine's a pint of the black stuff.
23:33You can't drink a pint of Bovro.
23:39What do you think?
23:41Very good.
23:42Very good in being.
23:44Schedule them in for a meeting next Tuesday.
23:46I think we're going to be seeing a lot of young Mr. Bisley.
23:57Oi, oi.
24:00Hello.
24:00Hi, listen.
24:01I've got that picture back.
24:02That's not all he got.
24:03Mike.
24:04I got off my arse.
24:06Oh, did you?
24:06No.
24:06And what happened?
24:07I bumped into a friend of yours.
24:09Really?
24:09Yeah.
24:09Well, why don't you tell me all about it?
24:11What, my arse?
24:12Yeah, if you like.
24:12Why don't you tell me all about it?
24:37Shit.
24:38Ding, ding, ding.
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