- 6 months ago
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00:00Yeah, very funny. Thanking you. Here we are there.
00:05Rick Spleen. Yeah. Bob Fairchild.
00:07Yeah. It's funny sharing a room with you. I used to watch your TV show every Friday when I got him from school. Double trouble.
00:13You and 20 million others, eh, son? I still get it all the time, walking down the street, people shouting out,
00:19Thanking you! Thanking you!
00:21Thanking you!
00:23You still see Stan, are you? Stan Reid? Yeah. Not spoken to him since 1979.
00:28Really? You just split up and that was it?
00:30Oh, yes. Not my idea. No.
00:33Why ruin something if it's still working? But Stan had other ideas.
00:36So it was bye-bye, highly successful double act. Bye-bye, long-running TV series.
00:41Thanking you, Stan.
00:45Still, we mustn't get bitter. Just cos things haven't worked out for the likes of us.
00:49Well, I'm doing okay, actually. You've got...
00:52Well, yeah, we're getting by, aren't we? But let's face it, this is hardly what we dreamed of, is it, eh?
00:56Well, this isn't all I do, I... It's not exactly the Palladium, is it?
01:00No, I actually do quite a lot of other... Did they cancel that TV show of yours?
01:03No, I didn't cancel it. After three episodes, weren't it?
01:05Four, actually. No, I think just everyone involved decided it was time to move on.
01:08Oh, yeah, that one. Time to move on. It's a crack of that. Time to move on to doing gigs like this for pissed-up businessmen.
01:15Do you want a coffee, or...? Yeah. Very nice. Decaffeinated. I like caffeine, but it doesn't like me.
01:24Really? I get hot and shaky, I'm allergic, you know.
01:27Oh, dear.
01:28I mean, let's face it, son, that last TV series you did was a load of crap, wasn't it, eh?
01:33It stunk the place out, didn't it?
01:35So what is it you're doing now, anyway?
01:40Oh, you know, I've got other TV projects and...
01:43Like, panel games? Yeah. Going well.
01:45Yeah, I've seen them. They all line them up and guess which one was the drummer out of Freddy and the Dreamers. Hilarious.
01:50Well, actually, I think some of them are quite funny, you know?
01:52Yeah, split me ribs, I did. Alternative.
01:55I'm not really alternative, I tell jokes, really, yeah.
01:58Alternative, cos every other joke's funny.
02:00Is that the footy? Oh, God.
02:02So you're on first, eh? Yeah, I actually asked to go on first cos I've got to get back to London.
02:07Don't you order, you warm them up for me. Uncle Bob will look after them for you.
02:10Now, who's gonna get us some biscuits, eh?
02:32I wanna get high, but I really can't take the pain.
02:42What's this?
02:43Oh, that's the storage boxes I order.
02:45What are they for?
02:46Oh, you know, storing stuff.
02:48What stuff?
02:49I don't know. General stuff. Stuff you don't need but don't want to throw away.
02:53It'll create space.
02:55Yeah, well, don't get them all out here.
02:57Well, I'm looking for the shoe organiser. It's supposed to come with a free shoe organiser.
03:01Won't be in that way.
03:02Should have come with them, you know? It's free. It should have come with them.
03:06I hate that. It just hasn't turned up.
03:08Maybe it's a separate delivery.
03:09No, their attitude is, you know, if you're watching the Bargain Channel and you've ordered something,
03:13you're obviously some kind of idiot, so why send the stuff anyway?
03:16Mm.
03:17It's just so annoying. Why don't they just stick to their side of the deal?
03:20Send you what you asked for.
03:22What is a shoe organiser?
03:24You see, I know just by the way you said that, you are slightly taking a piss.
03:28No, I'm asking so I'll know when it arrives.
03:31All right. Well, it's a kind of plastic thing with pockets that you put in a wardrobe.
03:37I know you're laughing. Just don't come anywhere near it with your shoes when it does arrive.
03:41I think it's a great idea.
03:43I know you're laughing.
03:44Well, it does sound a bit like one of those things you do to distract yourself from working.
03:47No, it's one of those things you do to organise your shoes.
03:50Come on, what have you got on? I bet there's a show you're meant to be writing.
03:53Well, I'm doing Bullet in the News. It's that Channel 5 thing.
03:57You said that was rubbish. Like a poor man's version of...
04:00No, no, it's much better these days. Much better.
04:03Oh, well, good. Just don't waste your entire day on the phone trying to track down your shoe organiser.
04:08I know, I won't. I'll just get Magda to do it.
04:10What I will do?
04:11Oh, Magda, I was wondering if you could phone the Bargain Channel for me?
04:14Bargain Channel on television?
04:16Yeah.
04:17This is some sort of joke, I think. You are being clown.
04:20Comedian? No, it's not a joke.
04:21Well, I've seen this channel, so I know it's for stupid people.
04:25If I call it, then I'm stupid too. This is funny for you.
04:28Magda, what am I going to do with a thing like that?
04:30To be clown?
04:31Comedian.
04:32Well, good luck with your work. Bye, Magda.
04:38The thing is, Magda, I didn't want to say in front of Mel cos she's embarrassed.
04:41She's ordered this shoe thing and it hasn't turned up, so could you ring up the channel for me?
04:46Of course.
04:47She's probably ordered it in my name.
04:57Bullet in the news. How come you're doing this?
05:01It's good exposure.
05:02Oh, I thought you said it was Channel 5. So, what do we got?
05:07That Scottish guy is still hosting that, isn't he?
05:10Oh, incredibly, yeah.
05:12You like him?
05:13The only person from Scotland ever to have no sense of humour at all and they give him a comedy show to host.
05:17I thought he was your favourite.
05:18I can't stand him, he stinks of hairspray.
05:20Here, here, you see this? I got you this story.
05:22What's this?
05:23There's this cat that's inherited a house from its owner.
05:26I didn't see that.
05:27What he doesn't know is...
05:28Look at his face.
05:29The parrot is contesting the will.
05:31It's inherited.
05:32What does he do if he wants to redecorate? Okay, there'll be some changes around here.
05:35Yeah, number one, cat flap in every door.
05:37Always really nice to wipe my arse on.
05:39Like the breadboard.
05:40You'll see cats do that again.
05:42What does the cat do if he wants to up and sell?
05:44He's got to show people around.
05:45This is where I keep my fur balls.
05:47This is my bedroom.
05:49En-suite litter tray.
05:50Is it a muse house?
05:52Get out of here with your puns.
05:55Come on, the show is built on puns.
05:57You can't do puns.
05:58The title is a pun.
05:59Are you going to sink to their level then?
06:00Just because they're all jerks, are you going to be one too?
06:03Shut up, shut up.
06:04Bob Fairchild, who died last night.
06:06Who was he?
06:08Bob Fairchild.
06:09I was working with him last night.
06:11He was fine.
06:12He was showing no signs of being dead?
06:13I can't believe that.
06:14Look it up, would you?
06:15Look it up.
06:16Maybe it was a ghost.
06:17No, seriously, that's so weird.
06:19You know, we were just chatting away.
06:20He was fine.
06:21Here it is.
06:22Children's favourite, Bob Fairchild, one half of 70s BBC show Double Trouble, collapsed
06:27and died suddenly at his home in Esher.
06:29Esher?
06:30Esher, yesterday.
06:31When did you say Esher?
06:32Just hours after appearing on stage at the Blandfield Hotel in Swindon.
06:36I can't believe that.
06:37That's the...
06:38I'm genuinely shocked, you know.
06:40I'm actually quite upset, you know.
06:43That's...
06:44Oh.
06:45Does it mention me at all?
06:48The...
06:49No.
06:50No, I don't think so.
06:52A quote from his one-time double-act partner Stan Reed, speaking from his home in the Bahamas.
06:58I am devastated.
06:59He was a dear friend.
07:00We remained very close throughout the years.
07:02Dear dear friend.
07:03That's bollocks, you know.
07:04They hated each other's guts.
07:06They haven't sprained since 79.
07:07All right.
07:08Bob told me they hated each other's guts.
07:10I was a closer friend than he was.
07:11You're right, Rick.
07:12You and Bob, you were like that.
07:14They're just trying to airbrush you out like you're some kind of footnote.
07:16I'm just saying, I was the last person to work with him, you know.
07:18No.
07:19We chatted.
07:20It was...
07:21You know, a lot.
07:22I made him coffee and...
07:23And Mr. Scoop, save it for your next talk show.
07:25So, Rick, tell us.
07:26How did Bob like to take his coffee?
07:27Yeah, yeah.
07:28Did he take it with milk?
07:29Yeah, he took milk and sugar.
07:31And, you know...
07:32What a wonderful story.
07:33And decaffeinated.
07:34Join us after the break when we'll be talking about Bob's biscuits.
07:36My mate Bob is allergic to coffee.
07:37See, it's the little details like that that make an anecdote.
07:44Does it say how he died?
07:48What do you mean you don't know if you gave him the decaf or the real coffee?
07:58I can't be sure, you know.
07:59I wasn't concentrating.
08:00There could have been a mix-up.
08:01You might have got the wrong coffee.
08:02You know, I don't take these things seriously.
08:04You know how I feel about allergies.
08:05It's just people's gimmick.
08:06It's their way of attracting attention to themselves.
08:08Ugh, look at me.
08:09I'm allergic.
08:10I'm special.
08:11I'm different.
08:12It's nothing.
08:13It's like being left-handed.
08:14Dozens of people die every year from their peanut gimmick.
08:17I'm not saying I did it deliberately.
08:18I just don't know.
08:19Oh, okay.
08:20So, you gave him real straight coffee.
08:22He's only allergic.
08:23It won't matter.
08:24Don't piss around, Marcy.
08:25Is he serious?
08:26I might have killed one of Britain's best-loved entertainers.
08:29Do you think you could actually be that allergic to coffee?
08:32I'll tell you what I do think.
08:34If it was that coffee, at least he went out on a high.
08:39Yeah, thanks.
08:41Hey, Magda.
08:43Hey.
08:44One hour I'm on telephone to these people.
08:46Who are you calling?
08:47Bargain Channel.
08:48Who knows?
08:51Maybe shoe organiser now.
08:54Shoe organiser?
08:56Mel ordered a shoe organiser from Bargain Channel.
09:00She wants to organise our shoes.
09:02Women for you.
09:04Women.
09:05Hey, Rick.
09:06Hmm?
09:07What if it's the cops?
09:09What?
09:10The cops.
09:12Test come back from the lab.
09:14Turns out he's shot full of caffeine.
09:16He knew he was allergic.
09:17Everybody knew what kind of maniac would give him real coffee.
09:19Who was the last person to see him alive?
09:21Yeah, you did.
09:22No, I'm just saying.
09:23They might be making inquiries.
09:24They might be coming here trying to trick you.
09:26Ask you to make them some coffee and see if you pay attention.
09:28No, shut up.
09:29He's not going to be the cops.
09:36All right?
09:37Ben.
09:38Christ.
09:39How was college?
09:40Yeah.
09:41Yeah.
09:42A level's going well?
09:44Pretty dull.
09:45How's the Saturday job?
09:47Didn't work out, you know.
09:49No?
09:50It was just shelf stacking, really.
09:52But they wanted me to be in, like, you know, before the shops open.
09:56Oh, bastards.
09:57It's not my style.
09:58You know?
09:59And they weren't going to give on the hours.
10:01Some people, you know, they offer you a job.
10:02Next thing you know, they expect you to turn up when it suits them.
10:04Yeah.
10:05So I just told them to stick it.
10:06Well done.
10:07Something else will come along.
10:08Yeah.
10:09Well, it already has.
10:10I got on this course.
10:11Hmm.
10:12And, er, I'm pretty lucky because, you know, they give you full training right from scratch,
10:15so...
10:16Oh, good for you.
10:17Yeah.
10:18Hiya.
10:19Hey.
10:20Oh, hey, er, how'd it go?
10:21Did you get a place?
10:22I did, yeah.
10:23I'll start tomorrow.
10:24Oh, wow, great.
10:25It's brilliant.
10:26Dad, er, Ben got a place in this course.
10:27Just heard.
10:28Yeah, yeah, circus skills.
10:29Circus skills?
10:30Yeah.
10:31Yeah, I always...
10:32Always had a thing for the circus.
10:33Well, that's fine.
10:34Yeah.
10:35Yeah, always...
10:36Always had a thing for the circus.
10:37When I was child, we had circus come to town.
10:39I'm way excited.
10:40I laugh so much till I have pain in here.
10:43But now I think that the bear did not want a roller skate.
10:47Oh, yeah.
10:48Well, no, there's no animals.
10:49Definitely not.
10:50No, that would be so wrong.
10:51Oh, I don't know.
10:52There's quite a lot to be said for watching a lion being prodded with a chair.
10:56It's just juggling and stuff.
11:01Sounds great.
11:05And who knows, within five years, you could be busking for a living.
11:09Hopefully, yeah.
11:10That's a joke about the lion.
11:14Yeah.
11:15It's cruel.
11:16So, did you get much done today?
11:26Are you ready for bullet in the news?
11:28Yeah.
11:29Yeah.
11:30I found quite a good story in the newspaper about this cat who's inherited a house.
11:35Yeah.
11:36A parrot's contesting the will, and cats can do some alterations, put in an en suite litter
11:41tray.
11:42Still, it's better than the stuff Marty was coming up with.
11:45There's all puns, you know.
11:47There's a muse house.
11:49I like that.
11:50Yeah.
11:51I think it was Marty.
11:52He came up.
11:53It could have been me.
11:54I think it was.
11:55Yeah, me.
11:56It doesn't matter.
11:58To be honest, I was a bit, um, a bit distracted.
12:06Yeah?
12:07I was, uh, a bit worried about this Bob Fairchild thing.
12:12Oh, don't you start.
12:13I've had it all day.
12:14Yeah?
12:15Yeah.
12:16Well, you know, I look after his daughter, Fiona Fairchild, presented Science Now on Children's
12:19TV.
12:20In fact, you've met her.
12:21Did I?
12:22Yeah, at the Science Museum party.
12:23Yes.
12:24Yeah, of course.
12:25Well, how is she?
12:26How's she taking it?
12:27Really badly.
12:28She was hysterical on the phone.
12:29Then she came to the office crying her eyes out.
12:31Why?
12:32Well, not why.
12:33How did he die?
12:34He just dropped down dead.
12:35That's bad luck.
12:36She's in shock.
12:37Can't believe it's happened.
12:38Yeah, well, these things happen.
12:39Sometimes, people die.
12:40No reason.
12:41She should know that as a scientist.
12:44Well, she's not really a scientist.
12:45She's the presenter.
12:46Still, you'd think some of it would have happened.
12:48No reason.
12:49No reason.
12:52No reason.
12:53No reason.
12:54No reason.
12:55No reason.
12:56No reason.
12:57No reason.
12:58No reason.
12:59No reason.
13:00No reason.
13:01No reason.
13:02No reason.
13:03Still, you'd think some of it would rub off.
13:06Anyway, what was bothering you about Bob Fairchild?
13:09I was just wondering if you knew, you know, how old he was.
13:16Sixty.
13:17Sixty, was he?
13:21Well, that'll be it then, won't it?
13:25Sixty?
13:29I was going at some, isn't it?
13:33I've read all the papers, I've listened to the news.
13:40There's nothing in here about cause of death, just more tributes.
13:42People banging on about how much you've been missed.
13:44Rick, the way I see it is this. Best thing is, hand yourself in.
13:48Get yourself a lawyer, make a statement.
13:51It was me. Save the family the time and effort and heartache
13:54of not knowing who killed them.
13:55Oh, shut up.
13:56You're no murderer, Rick. You just did a crazy, crazy thing,
13:59and now a man is dead.
14:00You know what? You're enjoying this, aren't you?
14:01No, I'm trying to say that. I'm trying to give you hope.
14:04Good lawyer, sympathetic judge, you know, maybe one with an axe to grind.
14:07A judge who was abused by a children's entertainer when he was a kid.
14:10You're looking at two, four years, max.
14:12You know what? Get away from you. It'll be worth it.
14:14Well, look at his headline. Thanking you.
14:16Imagine being remembered for saying that.
14:18So what do you want to do? You want to worry about him all day,
14:20or do you want to write some gags for the show?
14:22Oh, God, who cares about that stupid bloody Channel 5 show?
14:26I wish I'd never said I'd do it, you know?
14:28I...
14:29Maybe they'll watch his television on a Saturday night,
14:30built with no friends and no life.
14:32Welcome, gentlemen. I trust I find you well this glorious day.
14:36Can I interest you in our special of the day today,
14:38which is lentil and mushroom risotto?
14:41Um, I'll tell you what. I'll just get you a couple of coffees
14:44and then you can make up your mind.
14:46Great. The hell's gotten into him?
14:48It's weird. There's no use of that.
14:50It's like he's finally lost his virginity or something.
14:52It's like he'd get his medication right or something.
14:53Nope.
14:56I, er, I couldn't help noticing that you're appearing in a bullet in the news this week.
15:00Yeah, I'm recording it tomorrow.
15:02Oh, right. Yeah, I never miss it.
15:04Really? I wouldn't have had you down as a...
15:05Every Saturday night.
15:07Yeah.
15:08That host is a very witty guy.
15:09Cool.
15:10Yeah, it's all written for him. It's just on autocue.
15:12He's so quick.
15:13He's just reading it.
15:14How he comes up with some of that stuff, I'll never...
15:16He doesn't.
15:17The panellists, they come up with their...
15:19The panellists, they're very witty people, yeah.
15:21Yeah, yeah.
15:22I had a joke you might want to use.
15:26Please?
15:27Yeah.
15:28Erm, I read about a cat that's inherited a house from its owner.
15:32Which struck me as rather absurd, so you could certainly mention that.
15:43Yeah.
15:45Rick, that's, that's pretty good, isn't it?
15:47Mm.
15:48I mean, you know, feel free to use it.
15:50I'll tell you what, one other thing while we're at it.
15:52Mm-hm.
15:53That title, the bullet in the news, never liked that.
15:55So, er, you know, it's just not very good, so maybe you could mention that to the powers that be.
16:00Erm, yeah?
16:01Oh, I will.
16:02That's great.
16:03What, what, what?
16:04Can't do the cat stuff now.
16:05You can do the cat stuff.
16:06Michael will be sitting at home saying he wrote it.
16:07Just because he read a story that's been in all the papers.
16:08Prick.
16:09You still do the stuff about the cat showing people around the house.
16:10No, that's where you're wrong.
16:11I can't even mention the cat material.
16:12You know, every time I come in here, he'll be waltzing around, telling everyone he gives
16:13me ideas for my material.
16:14You know, it's a professional thing.
16:15I take a lot of pride in not doing other people's material.
16:16Oh, of course you do.
16:17Why not?
16:18Why not?
16:19Why not?
16:20Why not?
16:21Why not?
16:22Why not?
16:23Why not?
16:24Why not?
16:25Why not?
16:26Why not?
16:27What about the cat?
16:28What about the cat?
16:29It's a professional thing.
16:30It takes a lot of pride in not doing other people's material.
16:31Oh, of course you do.
16:32One other thought I had about this shop.
16:33Actually, you know what, I got it pretty much covered.
16:34Thanks, anyway.
16:35About the Russian guy?
16:36Yeah, I saw that.
16:37Yeah, I saw that snowpland.
16:38Yeah, no, I read all about that.
16:39And I wrote a really good joke for it.
16:41Thanks.
16:42Right.
16:43Okay.
16:44I didn't hear about this Russian guy.
16:46What about the Russian guy?
16:47Who gives a shit?
16:49Yes, yes, yes.
16:52Shoe organizer.
16:53No.
16:55No, no boxes came, no, no, no boxes came, boxes came, but there was no shoe organiser, now he's very upset, yes, yes, postcode is in,
17:13let me, sorry about her, sorry, hi, yeah, no, what it is, is I ordered this set of storage boxes, no, I'm sorry, I haven't got the product number, well, you must know, well, how many different types of storage boxes do you sell, really, that's quite a lot, no, you did send them, they're in my kitchen, can I just give you my address and then not do that thing where I give you the postcode and you work out the address from that, you know, they're just, I don't know, it's like a party
17:43trick or something, I'm just not in the mood for it, I'm not being aggressive, okay, I apologise, if that sounded aggressive, yeah, I know you've sent the boxes, no, it's the free shoe organiser that I'm after, oh, I'm music now, I've got music, did you have the music?
17:59Yes, Arctic Monkey, well, of course I looked in the boxes, that was the first thing I did, I did, I'm not raising my voice, hello, no, it didn't come with the boxes, that's the whole point, yeah, I'll hold, I'll hold,
18:12in what way is that threatening language, just asking you to send me the free shoe organiser that I ordered with, hello, they're so rude, aren't they, you know, as soon as he's living the argument, he hangs up, did you try again tomorrow, maybe, could you?
18:28Sad. Nice tributes about Bob Fairchild.
18:42God, he'd go on a bit if you ask me, he won't be that missed, anyone would think bloody Father Christmas had died here.
18:50Lovely one from Stan Reed. Stan Reed? Bob hated his guts, they hadn't spoken since 1979.
18:57Really, is that what he said? It's practically the first thing he said to me, and the last as it turned out.
19:02How's, you know, the daughter? Fiona? Worse. Really? She's in a state, poor thing, she's convinced there's something suspicious about it, wants to push for an inquest.
19:15Oh, God, there's no need for that, everyone knows he was old, can't they spare the family the heartache?
19:21She is the family. Well, she should spare herself the heartache.
19:25She wants to get the police in, I feel so sorry for her, poor thing. Are you OK?
19:32Me? God, no, I'm fine, yeah, yeah. What's the matter?
19:36You know, usual worries. Probably a bit nervous about doing bullet in the news.
19:41No, you're not, come on.
19:46I'm a bit worried.
19:49I think this is going to sound silly.
19:54Just...
19:55I think I might have...
19:57inadvertently...
19:59killed Bob Fairchild.
20:03Killed him?
20:04I'm sure I'm worrying about nothing.
20:06Well, he definitely is dead.
20:08Seriously.
20:10Bob was really allergic to caffeine, and I made him a coffee backstage.
20:15And I don't know, but I might have...
20:17by accident, I might have just...
20:20given him real coffee.
20:22That wouldn't kill him.
20:23No, I've looked it up on the internet.
20:24You can die from as little as 3.2 grams of caffeine.
20:27How many cups is that?
20:2880.
20:28How many did you give him?
20:30One, but the point is, he was really allergic.
20:32If you're allergic, it would take less.
20:33Look, don't be ridiculous.
20:35I'm sure it's got nothing to do with it.
20:36I mean, if it was peanuts, yes,
20:37but I've never heard of anyone dying of a coffee allergy.
20:41Really?
20:42Yes.
20:43I mean, it's probably best not to mention it to anyone else,
20:47for the time being, at least.
21:04Oh.
21:06My shoe organiser.
21:07Mel's.
21:08She ordered it.
21:09Yeah, well, it was more of a joint decision to get one.
21:12Still, at least it's arrived.
21:13No.
21:15I decide not to phone.
21:16Instead, I go out and I find this in Oxfam's shop one pound,
21:19so I buy a much cheaper than phone calls.
21:21Yeah, but the thing is, the one I ordered should have arrived.
21:24Yes, but I buy you this one.
21:26Well, it's very kind of you, Magda,
21:27but the fact is, I was promised a free shoe organiser,
21:29and that's what I want.
21:30These people can't go around promising free shoe organisers
21:32all over the place and then just not deliver.
21:35That's the trouble of this country.
21:36The whole service industry's gone to part.
21:38I don't know what it's like in your country.
21:39We don't have shoe organiser in my country.
21:42That's not really what I meant.
21:43It's a matter of principle.
21:45You can't just...
21:45Might be shoe organiser.
21:50You got the receipt for this one?
21:52Oh, hello.
21:54I think Oxfam do receipts.
21:56Sam!
21:57Ben, it's here!
21:59Okay.
22:02Hi, Ben.
22:03Hi, Rick.
22:04It's a shoe organiser.
22:05I ordered one, but it didn't arrive.
22:07I just got one from Oxfam.
22:08It's not really what I wanted, but anyway.
22:10Yeah.
22:10My mum's got a shoe organiser.
22:13Yeah.
22:14So the circus thing, how's that going?
22:16Circus skills, yeah.
22:18Uh, no, no, not good.
22:20Not good.
22:20No, I gave him my best shot, but...
22:23Oh, sorry to hear that.
22:25Hi, Dad.
22:26Hi.
22:27Hi, Dad.
22:27Hey.
22:28Ben's just telling me the circus thing didn't work out.
22:31Yeah, yeah, no.
22:32Uh, bloke running it.
22:34Bit of an attitude problem with Ben.
22:36With Ben?
22:37Why?
22:38It was fine before lunch.
22:40And, you know, then after lunch,
22:41he kept going on about all, you know,
22:44how to do things the right way.
22:46The teachers make you sick, don't they?
22:48I was like, what?
22:49Yeah.
22:51What?
22:51You know, I just want to improvise and free flow.
22:54And, you know, the textbook stuff's just not my style.
22:57Nah, not at all.
22:58Yeah, like, I kept going on and on and on
23:01about, like, safety stuff.
23:03Fire eating and tents and that.
23:05Petty.
23:06Yeah.
23:07So, anyway, I just walked.
23:08Good decision.
23:10Cheers.
23:11So, you guys off to college now?
23:12Uh, yeah, yeah.
23:13Yeah.
23:15Cos I'm going to go meet Marty at the cafe,
23:17and if you want to come with me, he's on the way.
23:21Uh, yeah, all right.
23:23OK.
23:24Thanks, yeah.
23:24Well, I'll be ready in a couple of minutes.
23:27It's a nice day for a walk, so.
23:29Oh, right.
23:30Uh, you're not taking the car, then?
23:31No?
23:33No, I usually just walk to the cafe.
23:36Oh, right.
23:37Uh, well, we're not really ready to go right now,
23:40so if it's OK, maybe we'll go a bit later.
23:43Yeah, I need to grab some books and...
23:45Nah, it's fine.
23:46It's just a thought.
23:49Doesn't matter.
23:50I walked across an empty land I knew the pathway like the back of my hand
24:14I felt the earth beneath my feet
24:19Sat by the river and it made me complete
24:24Oh, sympathy
24:26Where have you gone?
24:30I'm getting old and tired of it.
24:33His daughter Fiona's gone completely nuts, wants the police to investigate.
24:36She's pushing for an inquest.
24:37Rick, if I die, save the coroner's time.
24:40It was boredom.
24:41Yeah, yeah.
24:42Come on, we've got to get through these gags for the show.
24:44You know, that show organiser, that still hasn't arrived.
24:48You don't say.
24:49Magda went off to Oxford and bought a second-hand one.
24:51Second-hand show organiser.
24:53Second-hand.
24:54Well, that's all you need, the smell of dead men's shoes in your closet.
24:57So, tonight's the night.
24:59Do you get nervous before these recordings?
25:01Well, you know, I've done quite a lot of these in the past, so...
25:03Oh, of course, yeah.
25:05Um, do you think you might be using my cat story?
25:08Your cat story?
25:09Yes, the one I spotted.
25:11Well, you know, it's very much spur of the moment, these things.
25:13I generally just improvise.
25:15Only I mention it to a few people.
25:16Well, I wouldn't get their hopes up too much.
25:17I think father was quietly impressed with my new career as a TV writer.
25:21Proud moment for any dad, finding out his son writes for Rick's Blaine, let me tell you.
25:25Quite.
25:26Although, to be frank, he hadn't heard of you.
25:29Still, I'll leave you to your musings.
25:35That's unbelievable.
25:37Unbelievable.
25:39Let's get on with this.
25:40All right.
25:40What did you say it needed?
25:41It just feels too written, you know?
25:43Oh, okay.
25:44So you want it to sound more improvised?
25:47Yes.
25:51Well, hang on a minute.
25:51Are you saying a cat has inherited a house?
25:54I didn't see that story.
25:55What's going to happen?
25:56Has the parrot not contested the will?
25:58So is the cat going to redecorate?
26:00Okay, give me some changes around here.
26:01Number one, I want a cat flap in every door.
26:04Number two, I want something nice to wipe my ass on, like a breadboard.
26:06What's going to happen when the cat wants to sell up and move?
26:10Is he just going to show people around?
26:12Is this where I keep my fur balls?
26:14Bedroom, ensuite letter tray.
26:16I didn't read the story.
26:18What paper was that in?
26:20You were great.
26:21Yeah, I know.
26:22You just couldn't get enough of it, did you?
26:23The cat stuff, man.
26:24It just killed.
26:25It killed.
26:26I know.
26:27I just wish I didn't have this vision in my mind of Michael sitting at home with his dad
26:30going, you know, I found that story for Rick.
26:33Forget it.
26:33Forget it.
26:34I just don't like other people to earn the credit for my game.
26:36You got to let it go, Rick.
26:36Look what I borrowed from Hospitality.
26:41Ah, nice one, eh?
26:42Yeah, and this.
26:45I want to read this story.
26:46Hang on till we see it next time, maybe, yeah?
26:48Just read this.
26:49Marty, we've been reading the papers all day.
26:50Yeah, but you haven't seen this.
26:51This is the evening paper.
26:52It's hot off the press.
26:57It's us.
26:58Rick's in party mode.
27:00He's had some great news.
27:01Yes, you are.
27:02Both fat, Joe.
27:03Daddy was strong.
27:03Hey!
27:04Rick, Marty, this is Fiona.
27:15I've seen your TV show.
27:17It's very good.
27:21Informative.
27:24Sorry about your dad.
27:25My shoe organiser arrived.
27:36I ordered a shoe organiser.
27:38It was meant to come free with some stuff,
27:39and that didn't come.
27:41And now it's here.
27:44Yeah.
27:44You got one of these?
27:47Yeah.
27:48It's because Magda went off to Oxfam
27:52and got me a second helmet.
27:54I didn't want that.
27:54I just smelt of dead men's shoes.
27:56I want to get high, but I really can't take the pain.
28:24Cause if I throw away my soul like a hurricane
28:31I'm like a one-man band
28:36clapping in the pouring rain
28:38If I know where you're going to be.
28:41If I know where you're going to be.
28:42If I know where you're going to be.
28:43If I know where you're going to be.
28:44If I know where you're going to be.
28:45If I know where you're going to be.
28:46If I know where you're going to be.
28:47If I know where you're going to be.
28:48If I know where you're going to be.
28:49If I know where you're going to be.
28:50If I know where you're going to be.
28:51If I know where you're going to be.
28:52If I know where you're going to be.
28:53If I know where you're going to be.
28:54If I know where you're going to be.
28:55If I know where you're going to be.
28:56If I know where you're going to be.
28:57If I know where you're going to be.
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