00:00TAMMY PASCATELLI!
00:14Thank you!
00:17Aww!
00:19How you doing?
00:20I'm good, buddy. How about yourself? Always so good to see you.
00:23It's great to see you, too.
00:24You know, you are the only comic I'm allowed to run away with, according to my wife.
00:29She would understand it, right?
00:31If I ran away with Bob Marley, it would make no sense to her at all.
00:34Well, you know how much I love your wife.
00:36So she's probably, she'd probably just send you to me for the weekend or something and then go, come on back now.
00:42Because she knows I barely want the one I got.
00:45She knows she's safe with me.
00:48Yeah, you know, listen, it's fun.
00:50The older you get, the more, you know, the more you put up with stuff from your spouse.
00:54I love my husband. We don't even argue anymore.
00:56I just, I can't sleep because he snores and doesn't believe me.
01:01And I'm like, literally, now I have no, you don't believe? I have no credibility?
01:06I'm like, you snore. No, I don't.
01:08Well, now I'm a liar?
01:09Like, I don't even do that.
01:12We fight all the time over sleep now.
01:15That's our big fight, you know?
01:16So you're losing sleep over losing sleep.
01:18Yeah, that's our big fight because he'll, like, if he can't sleep, he's in the bed going,
01:22are you asleep?
01:28I was.
01:30That's our big fight over sleep.
01:33And how's little Luca?
01:35He's 10 years old, not so little anymore.
01:37Yeah, crazy.
01:38Fighting him on video games and trying to keep him from the pedophiles who pretend that they're seven.
01:43You know, you know?
01:45And then you hear that Toys R Us is going out of business.
01:49Not really.
01:49Have you ever bought any of the stuff that these kids play with?
01:52I don't see how.
01:53They must have mismanaged their money.
01:55They must be like my mother-in-law because they literally, every game is a hundred bucks.
02:00It's expensive to have a kid now.
02:03And how is your mother-in-law?
02:05Is she still far enough away that your life is happy?
02:07I don't know.
02:08She could be flying overhead right now.
02:09How far does this signal carry?
02:10Well, isn't she on the island?
02:14Is she on Long Island?
02:15She should be on Rikers Island.
02:17That's where she should be.
02:18No, she's in Brooklyn.
02:20And I said flying overhead because her broomstick does go far now.
02:23She got a Nimbus 2000.
02:27She's a nut job.
02:29Now, you married to a guy from Brooklyn, right?
02:34But you're a Cleveland girl who lives in western Pennsylvania.
02:37Yeah, yeah, yeah.
02:38Yeah, well, because, you know, why not?
02:40Now the GPS is available.
02:42It's easy to just be messed up like that all the time.
02:44I needed to be close enough to my family.
02:47And I moved my family to Pennsylvania and far enough away from my mother-in-law.
02:52Okay.
02:53Who sold my furniture the first day I went out on the road.
02:57It's the truth.
02:58She literally, at the very first time after I had my son, we had lived next door to her.
03:02I came back and I pulled up.
03:04It's just like one of those bad sitcoms.
03:05I pull up in a taxi and I see a man walking down the street with my grandmother's chair.
03:09And I'm, like, trying to pay for the cab.
03:12And I run down the street.
03:13I'm like, sir, let me have that.
03:14And we're having this struggle, this tug of war over the chair.
03:17He's like, the lady gave it to me.
03:19The lady gave it to me.
03:20And I'm, like, here's $20.
03:22Please, just give me back my grandmother's chair.
03:24I go inside.
03:25Apparently, she had bought new furniture.
03:27Because I lived in one Brooklyn attached house away from her.
03:30She had bought new furniture.
03:31And she decided that my furniture was old and stinky.
03:34So she threw my furniture out and had her furniture moved.
03:38Her old furniture moved in.
03:39Into my house.
03:40Yeah.
03:40And my husband thought nothing was wrong with that.
03:42And that's how I ended up in Western Pennsylvania.
03:47Now, are you still like Little Miss Cleveland?
03:50I mean, are you going crazy over basketball right now?
03:52Well, I have to because we don't have a football team.
03:55So we might as well.
03:56One day when the NFL decides to have a franchise in Cleveland, it would be nice.
04:00Now, being someone who was a Browns fan, right?
04:05The whole Johnny.
04:05Did you have to say that out loud?
04:07I feel like it's a 12-step program.
04:09Hi, I'm Tammy.
04:11I'm a Browns fan.
04:11I can't quit him.
04:12I'm a gay cowboy.
04:13Like, you can't give up now.
04:15I'm also a gambler.
04:16I don't get up off the machine if I got 400 bucks in it.
04:19And somewhere it's going to pay off.
04:21By the way, with Cleveland, it's a 16-step program.
04:24Not at 12.
04:24It's ridiculous.
04:25It's 16.
04:26It's about 100 steps.
04:28It's the plank.
04:29That's what it is.
04:29Now, I heard something about you and Johnny Football, Johnny Manziel.
04:34Did you get into some sort of Twitter war with him?
04:37And was Ambien involved?
04:38Yeah.
04:39No.
04:39First of all, everything I say that's ridiculous, I say it in fully formed and functional.
04:44Okay.
04:44I own everything that I say, which I do believe in that.
04:49If you say it, you should be able to just say, I said it.
04:52That's who I am.
04:52But what happened was, is Johnny Manziel, for those of you who don't know, Johnny Manziel was the biggest disappointment in Cleveland Browns history.
05:00In football history.
05:02And he's a Heisman Trophy winner, right?
05:05He came to the Browns.
05:06They spent millions and millions of their whole salary cap, basically, on this kid.
05:11And he did, like, they shouldn't have even printed his last name on the back of the jersey.
05:15They just should have went, that's what it should have said.
05:19And to be the biggest disappointment in Browns history, that's huge.
05:24Like, it's not just, there's been a ton of disappointments, you know what I mean?
05:30That's like saying Kim Jong-un's a little crazy, you know what I mean?
05:34Like, so, he was in a Twitter war with someone I know casually, a guy, an actor named Michael Rappaport.
05:41And, and, right, so he was in a Twitter, and I don't know how it originally started.
05:46Quite frankly, I should have done a little bit more research, okay?
05:48But what I do know is that someone said to Michael, oh, Johnny Manziel is throwing shade at you.
05:56Okay.
05:56And me, in full glory, said, don't worry, Mike, if he throws shade the way he throws a football, it'll never get to you.
06:08And people went crazy.
06:11You're a horrible person.
06:13How do you say that?
06:14He's got a drug problem, and I'm like, that's obvious.
06:19I can't believe that they got on your case.
06:22Yeah, because he's claiming to have, well, because he's claiming to have all kinds of issues.
06:27He did a little Eminem thing.
06:28Yes, I sucked.
06:29Yes, I did this.
06:31And now he's in Canada, so whatever.
06:32It doesn't even count anymore.
06:34Build the wall now, please, but up there.
06:37Now, now, years ago, you told me that you, you always wanted to do a comedy special at, what was it, your high school?
06:46Is that where you wanted to go?
06:46Yes, that's where I wanted.
06:47Did that ever come together?
06:49It absolutely did, this spring.
06:51The germ of the idea started literally because in 10th grade, I went to my guidance counselor, and I said, you know, they go, what do we want to do after school?
07:01And I go, I want to be an actress, right?
07:03In all my youth, in my hope.
07:05And she said to me, you're from here, because I grew up 30 minutes outside.
07:09You're from here.
07:10No one from here has ever been on TV.
07:13If you want to be on TV, you're going to have to rob a bank.
07:16That was her big advice.
07:17There's guidance.
07:18Yeah, like, crushed me, right?
07:20Crushed me.
07:21So, you know, I went on and got a degree in fashion for no reason and spent a lot of stupid money and time.
07:27And then I said, okay, I want to go back to this town.
07:31It's a small town, a lot of hardworking people.
07:34They have a nuclear plant that's going to shut down.
07:36It's like a whole John Mellencamp song, right?
07:38And all the kids, I'm like, I'm not only going to do my special there, but I'm going to have the kids from the school be part of it.
07:45So what she told me about not being on TV, first of all, I'm going to put the whole town on TV.
07:51That's what I am going to do.
07:52And I'm going to give all the kids who are part of the school, if they want to be part of it, help me with the special.
07:57So they'll graduate being part of a big television, you know, production.
08:02They'll get a credit.
08:03Is this teacher still alive?
08:05Yeah, no, she's dead.
08:07And I know this because I went there with a camera.
08:13Tammy Pescatelli, ladies and gentlemen.
08:16John DiBella.
08:17I think the Kennedys had a kid like you when they had to put the slate Philadelphia's classic rock station.
08:22Holy crap!
08:23102.9 MGK.
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