00:00Let's talk about a story about my past, just to let you know who I am as an individual, pathetic and sad.
00:05So earlier we were talking about, we were talking about dating profiles for dogs, but you actually had a dating profile, like you had one?
00:13I was a dog, and I didn't know it wasn't a dating profile, because this is like, but like, right as Match.com was coming out, but like, that was for people.
00:21Did you have to pay? Oh.
00:21No, I was just like, on AOL, like, chatting.
00:24Trying to date?
00:25Not really trying.
00:26ASL?
00:27No, there was a lot of ASL going on back in the day.
00:30You know, I was like, hey, how old are you?
00:32Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:33Oh, I'm also 15.
00:35That's pretty much it.
00:37That's terrible.
00:38Yeah, so that's...
00:39That's so scary.
00:40So, you know, my online dating situation was a little bit, you know, there was one girl, I met her, we decided to go to a movie, and for the entire movie, she's like, staring at the side of my face.
00:54For 90 minutes.
00:55That's so uncomfortable.
00:58That was over 20 years ago.
01:00That is really seared, like, there's a scar in my heart for that.
01:05There have been other online dates, too.
01:06Some of them are good, some of them are not, but this one in particular, this could be the cruelest thing I've ever done, but you tell me if I'm justified.
01:12So, this girl and I, we start talking, I forget how we met, it was either on a chat room, or like, AIM, somehow we bumped it in, I'm not sure.
01:19But, we start talking.
01:22Now, back in the day, there's no real smartphones.
01:24You can't just take a photo and say, here I am.
01:27Yeah, that wasn't a thing.
01:29Yeah, so if you got a photo, it was like a special thing.
01:31And it was like via email.
01:33Yeah.
01:33Like, but how would you get it in your email?
01:36I don't even remember.
01:37You'd scan it.
01:37You'd have to scan it in.
01:40You're lucky to have a scanner.
01:42Wow.
01:42Yeah.
01:43Ridiculous.
01:43Back in the day.
01:44And there was one girl, one girl was talking to me, she mailed me a picture.
01:49It's like her little.
01:50Somebody used my pictures to catfish somebody.
01:52Really?
01:53Wow.
01:53Did they get it?
01:54Did they get in there?
01:55Yeah.
01:56He was like, oh, hey.
01:57I was like, I don't even know who the hell you are.
01:59Hey, listen, people like the Amy.
02:00Yeah.
02:00That's true.
02:01So, you know, I didn't catfish, but I also, you know, whatever.
02:05Whatever the case for me.
02:06So, start talking to this girl.
02:07We're talking for weeks and weeks.
02:08And she's only a few towns away.
02:10I'm like, you know what?
02:11We should meet.
02:13Because that's what you got to do.
02:14You got to eventually.
02:15I'm here because of a failed MySpace date.
02:16Really, like my entire beginning of my life, formation, terrible.
02:20So, we decide to meet.
02:21She's like, hey, all right, you know what?
02:22Here's where I live.
02:23Come on by.
02:24Pick me up.
02:24We'll get some food.
02:26I'll sit on the front stairs.
02:27And how old are you now?
02:2916, 17.
02:30So, you're driving?
02:30Yeah.
02:31So, you drove?
02:32Yeah, I drove.
02:32Okay.
02:33Yeah, yeah.
02:33I told her what kind of car I drove and everything.
02:35Yeah.
02:35And she told me where she'd be.
02:37So, I start driving there.
02:39Wearing my Sunday best.
02:42I turn the corner.
02:44And I see someone.
02:47That ain't them.
02:50Catfish?
02:51Oh, yeah.
02:52You got catfish?
02:53Oh, boy.
02:54Oh, my God.
02:55I mean, I don't want to be cruel.
02:57But, let's just say.
02:59Where's Ned?
03:00Or what's his name?
03:01Zed?
03:01What's his name?
03:02Was it Zed?
03:03No, Zed's the DJ.
03:05What's the guy from Catfish?
03:06Ned?
03:07No, it's not Ned.
03:08You're thinking of Green Acres.
03:09Neve.
03:10Neve.
03:10Neve.
03:11There it is.
03:12Losers.
03:12Okay, carry on.
03:13So, yeah.
03:13So, I'm seeing.
03:15What is not what you expected?
03:17You order a steak, you get a salad.
03:19You're kind of disappointed.
03:20This is not what I had ordered.
03:23That's crazy.
03:24So, what do you do?
03:25Am I in the right to drive past her?
03:30In the right, yes.
03:32Would it be the right?
03:34I don't think you drove past her, did you?
03:36You went and had a conversation.
03:38No, I did.
03:39You drove past.
03:40I drove right past.
03:42It's the cruelest thing I've ever done.
03:43She might still be out there to this day.
03:45But, no.
03:45No, no, no.
03:46Because if she had you thinking that she looked like something else, that's on her at that point.
03:52Now, there is a small chance that that person wasn't the person.
03:58But, like, you know.
03:59I'm like, cigarette smoking's not my thing.
04:01And she's smoking.
04:02She's smoking a cigarette at 16, 17 out there, like, just waiting for my date.
04:06Yeah, I'm like, what is, yeah, this is not what I signed up for.
04:09So, yeah, I drove right past her.
04:12And I never, she never messaged me back.
04:14I think she realized that I realized that that ain't, yeah.
04:16So, for sure, that was her.
04:18But that's on her for lying.
04:20I swear.
04:20I don't think that you should, like, take that to the grave.
04:22And, listen, I'm going to say that if you think that was a sentence.
04:25If I get into, like, heaven's waiting room.
04:28Yeah.
04:28They're like, so, that girl in Wakefield.
04:31No.
04:31You're just going to let her stay there forever?
04:35I mean, you know, she cried that night, Sean.
04:39She should have put the right pictures up.
04:40That's what I'm saying.
04:41Facts.
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