00:00We're talking about your lady's most embarrassing moment.
00:10Hi, David.
00:11Hi, guys.
00:11How you doing?
00:12Doing okay, thanks.
00:13Good.
00:14This is going back about 10 years.
00:17It was the first time I brought my ex-girlfriend home.
00:20Now, my mom's house only had one bathroom, and she was too embarrassed to use the bathroom
00:25because she was afraid she would smell it up.
00:27So, she was in the guest bedroom.
00:30She threw a towel over top of the bed and doubled over and did her business right there.
00:37She pooped on a towel on the bed because she didn't want to disgust up the bathroom?
00:43Yes, and I walked in mid-stride.
00:48Oh, my God!
00:50You have got to be kidding.
00:51I have never heard of such a horrible tale!
00:54How is there logic in that?
00:59There is no logic, Lisa.
01:01That's satanic!
01:02No.
01:02Was there any clue that she would do this type of thing?
01:05That she would poop on the bed?
01:07In fact, she's a school teacher.
01:10Oh, God!
01:11That's more sense.
01:12What did you say when you walked in the door and saw this?
01:15I said, well, first of all, I was speechless for about 30 seconds.
01:20Right.
01:21And then I covered my nose and, like, I go, what is going on?
01:25Like, could you not make it in time?
01:27She goes, no, I was embarrassed to use the bathroom.
01:30And I said, you landed on this?
01:32Like, what?
01:34Why?
01:34I've never heard of anything like it.
01:37David, I mean, you've been through so much, man.
01:39I don't know.
01:39I feel like you need therapy or something, because that's unbelievable.
01:42Oh, and he walked right in on it.
01:44He walked right out on it.
01:45Thanks for calling in.
01:46I don't even know what you do after something like that.
01:49I feel like your only option is to call, like, a Native American shaman or that little
01:54lady from Poltergeist.
01:55Oh, everybody.
01:55They all call the police.
01:56The police?
01:57I call the police.
01:58The police is a good one.
01:59There is a satanic bitch here who just pooped on my guest bed.
02:02You're casting some kind of witchcrafty spell on me and my family right now.
02:07You have laid a towel out and are pooping on it when the bathroom is right there.
02:16Yeah.
02:17You think this is better than just dropping a deuce in there and asking for some spray?
02:23Tim wants to talk about a girl he dated.
02:25Hey, Tim.
02:27Hey, yeah.
02:28I was going out with, when I was a pretty girl, we went out on my boat, and she had
02:33to go to the bathroom.
02:34We tried to make it ashore, and she couldn't, so she jumped in the lake.
02:38I thought she had to pee.
02:40She didn't.
02:40All of a sudden, something floated up behind her, kind of like a shark.
02:44Like a buoy?
02:45Oh, no.
02:46Oh, my goodness, Liz.
02:48Yeah.
02:51Describe what she looked like.
02:52Okay.
02:53Yep.
02:54Describe her.
02:54Uh, she is about 100 pounds, uh, pretty as hell, beautiful.
03:02Like a beautiful girl.
03:03Beautiful girl.
03:04Nice body.
03:05She had a nice bikini on.
03:07She looked good.
03:08Yes, yes.
03:10Uh, great red bikini.
03:11She jumped in the boat.
03:12Uh, you know, we were out there for a couple hours, and she said, I have to go to the bathroom.
03:17Can you make it to shore?
03:18She said, no, I can't.
03:18I gotta go now.
03:19So she jumped in the water, and he was just saying, yeah, it was like jawed.
03:24She went in there.
03:26It was like a submarine surfacing.
03:29Body 10, face 10.
03:30So she thought, listen, she thought it was gonna sink.
03:33It was gonna sink, right?
03:34Yeah.
03:34She's gonna have to, like, she's having a horrible, gurgly gut situation.
03:39She's gonna have to jump in.
03:41Poop.
03:42She does.
03:43And then, whoopsie-doodle.
03:46Whoa.
03:46Oh, man.
03:47That, there's no...
03:48I mean, it would...
03:49Have you ever held something down?
03:51Is it so buoyant?
03:52You know, if you've been in a pool, and you take something that you, like, you can push,
03:57it's gonna float, but you push it down, and it just pops right back up.
03:59And it, with force, you know?
04:01Yeah, it comes right back to the top.
04:03Was it large?
04:04Oh.
04:04Oh, it happened to me, it's large.
04:05I can't believe Lisa asked that question.
04:07I was just wondering.
04:08Was it large?
04:09Of course it's large.
04:10A hundred pound girl in a red bikini, and this thing goes...
04:15The large as you can imagine Lisa.
04:19Larger than your could dream.
04:22Yeah, changed him.
04:24I turned him into that.
04:25Fish started pecking at it.
04:29She fed an ocean that day.
04:32Crab started coming up from the bottom of the ocean.
04:35Pecking it apart.
04:36The sea ran brown that day.
04:40It is the perfect music for this story.
04:42It is.
04:43I've never seen anything like it.
04:46Ain't been the same since.
04:50Changes the man.
04:51It's the day I decided I'd never go back in that devil water.
04:55You can't.
04:56You can't.
04:57You can't.
04:58How long does that thing float on the surface for?
05:01Some say it's still there.
05:02Some say it's still there.
05:04I'm bobbing.
05:05Oh, my Jesus.
05:10It would be a real mind F to be with a gorgeous woman.
05:16A ten went into the water that day.
05:17A one came out.
05:18It's so true.
05:19That's what happened.
05:20That is exactly what happened.
05:22As I sped my boat away from her, I looked in her eye.
05:26Hifeless.
05:28Oh, Lisa.
05:30If you poop in the water and you hear the splash of it breach behind you, you do get lifeless
05:37eyes as a girl.
05:38I guarantee she looked at him like, lifeless eyes.
05:44She had to.
05:45Like a poopy bitch's eye.
05:46You know, because you're just you've got your fingers crossed.
05:51You've got your toes crossed.
05:53You're hoping to God that thing sinks right to the bottom.
05:56Like, please let this be a heavy one.
06:03Never heavy.
06:04You know, because they not, not all of them float.
06:07Shit.
06:07You know, because they're not.
06:08You know, because they're not.
06:09You know, because they're not.
06:10You know, because they're not.
06:11You know, because they're not.
06:12You know, because they're not.
06:13You know, because they're not.
06:14You know, because they're not.
06:15You know, because they're not.
06:16You know, because they're not.
06:17You know, because they're not.
06:18You know, because they're not.
06:19You know, because they're not.
06:20You know, because they're not.
06:21You know, because they're not.
06:22You know, because they're not.
06:23You know, because they're not.
06:24You know, because they're not.
06:25You know, because they're not.
06:26You know, because they're not.
06:27You know, because they're not.
06:28You know, because they're not.
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