00:00I think many of us inadvertently let those words slip at times, but it's about considering
00:08whether it's something that we have as part of our everyday vocabulary, and more importantly,
00:14whether it's something we use when we're communicating with our children, because that's a very different
00:18situation.
00:19So, should parents be wary of swearing in front of their kids?
00:23Absolutely.
00:24Swearing in front of them is going to harm them psychologically, but we're their role
00:30models, and if you don't want your children picking up really unhelpful words and language
00:35outside your home, we need to be careful about how we're communicating around our children,
00:41because we're the role models.
00:42Yeah, you don't want to be driving the kids to school in the morning and suddenly hear
00:46a swear word from the backseat and say, oops, where did they pick up that?
00:51Okay, so in what context do parents have to be careful in terms of inadvertently using
00:59swear words?
01:01I think when swear words are associated with a slur, whether that's a racist comment or
01:07a comment in terms that's linked with aggression, because that can be very overwhelming for
01:13children.
01:14So it's not just the swear word that's said, it's the emotion that's attached to us, to
01:19that experience, and that can make children feel really vulnerable.
01:23We're their trusted caregivers, that's who they look for, for connection and stability.
01:28And if we've got somebody who's using a lot of aggressive swearing language in front of
01:34them, that can damage that long-term connection for the child and their feeling of safety.
01:40Yeah, and you're bringing up aggression there as well.
01:42And I guess it might be the case that parents are careful if they're having a disagreement
01:48with their partner, they take it to another room and do it there.
01:55And they should be careful with swear words in that situation.
01:59But yeah, aggression generally.
02:01Absolutely.
02:02And we want children to understand that we at times can become very emotional and overwhelmed.
02:08And if as a parent you find yourself swearing, it's really important that we say to our children,
02:15that wasn't the right thing.
02:16I shouldn't have said that, and that's not the language I should be using.
02:20So being accountable when we do lose our temper, or forget where we are, or forget what those
02:26little ears around us are listening to.
02:29Is it also important to educate a child in terms of how to negotiate their way through
02:36disagreements, but maybe that lesson can come a little later in life than three years old?
02:45Yes, there's probably pretty hard for three year olds to negotiate their way through arguments
02:49over the toy or the Lego or the iPad.
02:53But one of the things we want our children to understand that swearing isn't the most
02:57ideal way of communication.
02:59And when we're frustrated, it's about taking a space to be calm and working out the problem
03:05when we're in a better state.
03:07And I think as parents and any adults in their life, that's a really good role model to set
03:11for them that, you know, I'm really upset with what's happening at the moment.
03:14I disagree with what they're saying.
03:16But engaging in an argument that might contain swear words is never going to be the solution.
03:22And is there any age of the child from which you should be particularly careful?
03:28Like, does nothing sink in from kind of zero to one year old, but then it does?
03:33Or what's the age?
03:35We usually see children around three years of age starting to pop up with those magic
03:40words all of a sudden.
03:41And it may hopefully isn't us parents that they've heard it from, but they will often
03:46do that to get a reaction.
03:48So what are three year olds using swearing for is very different than what an eight or
03:52nine year olds using swear words for.
03:55So once children are at school or of school age, we need to be supporting them about appropriate
04:01language.
04:02What's the ideal mode of communication and what is acceptable and unacceptable?
04:08Often you'll hear them say that, but, you know, Mum, I heard you say that word.
04:14And I haven't got kids, Deidre, so I'm very conscious of playing a sort of dictatorial
04:24commentator on this subject.
04:25But I just wanted to finish with a question to you.
04:29How tough can it be being a parent and negotiating your way through a child's upbringing, generally?
04:39Look, I think it can be really tough.
04:41And I think sometimes as parents, we look for a lot of expert advice and we don't always
04:47trust our own instincts.
04:50The most important thing is to think about what your child wants to be, creating a safe
04:54environment, trying to teach them as many good skills as we can.
04:58But also I know as parents, we're not always going to get it right.
05:03And that's part of that journey of parenting.
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