00:00If she picks up, I am calling Charli XCX.
00:03Hello? Hi.
00:06Hi, I'm Jake Shane, and today I will be prank calling
00:09anyone who picks up my call.
00:11This is Phoning It In.
00:14Did you ever prank call people in your prime?
00:16When I was growing up, I have often gotten the brunt
00:19of the prank call, I think is what I remember,
00:23or maybe what's like repressed.
00:25Wait, what am I talking about?
00:26I used to prank call people all the time.
00:29Sorry, I do think I'll be good at this.
00:31Okay.
00:32Say Abraham Lincoln's estate is suing you
00:35for a TikTok you made about him.
00:36And for clarification, the TikTok I made about him
00:38was him getting shot and killed at the theater.
00:41When I was giving that monologue, Lincoln got shot.
00:47I'm gonna call Sophia.
00:51Your call is confirmed.
00:53I'm freaking out.
00:55What do I do, you guys?
00:57Oh, she's FaceTiming me.
00:59Hi, I'm freaking out.
01:01Why?
01:02Because, do you remember that TikTok I made
01:04about Abraham Lincoln when he got shot?
01:10No.
01:10Cool, well, I did and he's suing me, so.
01:13Babe, Abraham Lincoln is dead.
01:15No, his estate is suing me.
01:16I'm freaking out, do you have a lawyer I can use?
01:18I'm like actually shaking.
01:19Wait, this is so cool.
01:21No, it's not cool.
01:23What do I do, what do I do, what do I do?
01:24I'm freaking out.
01:25You should let him sue you, it's a great story.
01:28You think, okay, but.
01:30Yeah.
01:31Why are you shaking so much?
01:33Because it says the Abraham estate is suing you.
01:36Only you.
01:41I know, okay, I can't keep going, look guys,
01:42I'm too embarrassed.
01:43I'm just, I'm doing L's phoning and end prank call.
01:47What is wrong with you?
01:49A lot.
01:49Okay, love you.
01:51Perfect.
01:52Hold on, I'm trying to think.
01:55Okay, maybe I'll just give her a ring.
01:56I'm going to call one of my close friends, Renee Rapp.
02:02Say it ain't fucking so.
02:04I miss you.
02:06Bitch, I miss you.
02:07I'm literally on my way to work right now,
02:09but what are you doing?
02:10I'm just laying in bed,
02:11but the craziest fucking thing just happened.
02:14What?
02:15So, I was in my hotel lobby and I was drinking
02:17and this older guy came up to me and he was like,
02:19what are you doing?
02:20And I was like, what are you talking about?
02:22And he was like, what are you talking about?
02:23And I was like, what are you talking about?
02:24And I was just drinking and this older guy,
02:25I know, creepy, came up to me,
02:26but he offered for me to be his sugar baby.
02:30How much do you think I should?
02:31Wait!
02:31I know!
02:33And like, granted, I don't need it,
02:35but like, his watch was nice, you know?
02:38Oh, wait, I mean, what's, like what's his offer?
02:40Like, let's see.
02:41I'm calling you, how much do you think I should ask for?
02:44Oh, I mean, it depends.
02:46Like, is it month to month basis?
02:49He said week to week and we'll see how it goes.
02:53Oh my God, okay, week to week is hot,
02:54so I would feel like, are we like doing like sex work
02:58or are we just-
02:59No, no, no, I think I'm just gonna like
03:00maybe send a few feet pics and like FaceTime him.
03:03Oh my God, so cute.
03:04Okay, like, well, I mean, if he's like got a bag like that,
03:07like seven or eight grand a week.
03:08Okay, cool, that's what I thought too.
03:10I think seven to eight grand a week
03:12and then like I'll cut it after a month.
03:14Of course, exactly, just like make a bag.
03:16But also, depending on like how much of a lift it is,
03:20you can also just up it.
03:21Right.
03:23Right, right, like, right, finders feet or something.
03:27Okay, also, I'm sorry, this is a prank call for Elle Maxine.
03:35I'm really sorry, but you're so supportive.
03:39You're so supportive.
03:42Oh my God, okay, wait, perfect.
03:44So, hey guys, if anybody's listening,
03:46Jake's willing to take seven to eight grand a week.
03:50After the second month, we're just gonna bump it up
03:52and I'm thinking between 10 and 15.
03:54Renee, I love you so much.
03:56Oh my God, bitch, I love you.
03:58I literally, I was so gassed.
03:59I was like, oh my God, wait, could he like,
04:01does he have a boat?
04:02Is this for all of us?
04:03Also, is he bi?
04:03Cause I could like fake it.
04:04No, I'll, yeah, I'll send him your way.
04:07Well, have fun.
04:08I'll see you, call, will you text me after work?
04:10I love you.
04:11Oh my God, I hate gay people.
04:14Yay.
04:16Okay.
04:17Carry a conversation by only quoting Taylor Swift lyrics.
04:21I'm gonna call Ariana Greenblatt.
04:23Okay, Ariana.
04:27Hello?
04:28Hi.
04:30Hi.
04:31Wait, question.
04:32Okay.
04:33Okay, I was riding shotgun and my hair was undone
04:36and I was like in the front seat of his car.
04:39Shut up, Jake.
04:41I thought you wouldn't know.
04:43I love that song so much.
04:45Okay, whatever, bye.
04:46Okay, that didn't work.
04:47I'm gonna try one more time.
04:52Hello?
04:53Hi, I just walked off set.
04:55That was funny.
04:56That was funny.
04:56Wait, I pissed a producer off so bad,
04:58I got in a really big argument.
04:59They said I'm never invited back to Elle.
05:01Wait, really?
05:02Yeah.
05:03What do I do?
05:04You pissed a producer off?
05:05I don't know.
05:06Oh, I'm freaking out.
05:07What do I do?
05:08No, stop.
05:09First of all, no one can hate you, you're Jake Shane.
05:12But what do you do?
05:16I made a joke about a water birth
05:19and someone in the room got really offended
05:22because they had done a water birth
05:24and I don't know, I'm just freaking out.
05:26No, look, it's fine.
05:28Honestly, just send flowers to them or something.
05:31I don't know, I don't piss people off ever.
05:33I'm too scared to do that.
05:34I know.
05:35Okay, this was another prank, I'm sorry.
05:38Okay, it's 1.30 a.m.
05:41I can't take this anymore.
05:43I'm never even up.
05:44Like, of course, on a day I'm up.
05:46Okay, I hate you.
05:49I love you.
05:50I'm literally on my way to recce.
05:52Oh, yummy.
05:53Also, does Elle have consent to use your voice?
05:56Yes, Elle has consent.
05:57I love you, Elle.
05:58Bye.
06:01Okay, who else?
06:03Say a Pilates studio is suing you
06:05because you fell off the Reformer.
06:07I'm gonna call Tate McRae.
06:12Hello?
06:13Hi, I'm freaking out.
06:15What?
06:16I just did Pilates at this random Pilates place
06:18in New York, and I fell off the Reformer really bad.
06:21And like, I sprained my ankle,
06:23but now they're telling me they can sue me.
06:25Is that possible?
06:27What?
06:28Yeah, they're saying they can sue me or something,
06:29but like, how is that legal?
06:30Because I fell off their machine.
06:33They can't sue you.
06:34Like, that's insane.
06:35Are they mad at you for that?
06:36Yes, they're so mad.
06:37They kicked me out of the class.
06:39I was like, ow, ow, ow.
06:40And then they were like, okay,
06:40like, while you're waiting to go to the hospital,
06:42you need to wait outside for legal reasons.
06:44And they were like, we're pressing, like,
06:47action against you.
06:48Wait, they can't do that, because that's on them.
06:51Like, it's their machine.
06:53So should I just ignore it?
06:54Like, I don't, can you ignore a lawsuit?
06:57Well, can you call your manager?
06:59Yeah, maybe I just do that, huh?
07:01If it's actually serious,
07:02you're gonna fall like real people.
07:03Okay, I'm sorry.
07:04This is for-
07:05What the fuck's up?
07:06What the fuck?
07:07This is for Elle's phoning it in.
07:08I'm sorry, this was a prank.
07:10Wait, what?
07:11This was the prank.
07:13Shut the fuck up, Jade.
07:15I'm gonna murder you.
07:16You were so supportive, though.
07:19Okay, I love you, bye.
07:21Great.
07:22Gross.
07:24Say you got cast on Below Deck.
07:27Okay, hold on.
07:29If she picks up, I am calling Charli XCX.
07:34Hello?
07:35Hi.
07:37Hi.
07:38Hi.
07:39Hi.
07:40I was just watching your TikTok about scabies.
07:43Wait, how insane.
07:45Yeah, literally, like, as you called me.
07:47Wait, I'm calling
07:49because I need advice about something.
07:52Oh, am I on your podcast right now?
07:53No, no, no, no, no, no.
07:55I'm just, I am in my podcast room,
07:57but we're not rolling.
07:58Okay, go on, what's up?
08:00Okay, so do you remember
08:01when we were talking about Below Deck?
08:04Yeah.
08:05They invited me on for-
08:08Fuck off.
08:09Yes.
08:10Fuck off, are you joking?
08:12No-
08:13Okay, but what's the deal?
08:15Because I thought you had to pay for the charter.
08:17They said they'll pay.
08:19Bitch, do it, come on.
08:21Would you come?
08:22Okay, they have asked me before,
08:24and I said no,
08:26but, you know, times have changed.
08:29And it's a brat summer.
08:30But here's the vibe, though, like,
08:33because obviously it's about the crew, right?
08:35Right.
08:36But if we're going to do it,
08:38do we not have to sort of, like,
08:40try and at least make it a little bit about us?
08:42Well, of course, the whole thing has to be about us.
08:45Would we be being, like, nice?
08:46I mean, we can't be, like, evil.
08:48Okay, well, what if we were, like,
08:50with, like, a side of, like, vulnerability,
08:52and then, like, if anyone, like,
08:53tries to get mad at us, we're like,
08:54no, it's just promo for brat.
08:56Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
08:57Okay, okay.
08:58Okay, let me-
09:01I'm going to tell my team.
09:02Honestly, I was really not expecting this.
09:06But I love it.
09:07What a surprise.
09:07Okay, well, I have to tell you,
09:10this is a prank call.
09:11I'm on Elle's phoning it in.
09:13Shut up.
09:14I'm so sorry.
09:16Shut up, you bitch.
09:18I'm so-
09:18Bitch!
09:19I'm so sorry.
09:20You were so ready.
09:22I know, and I love you for that.
09:24Oh my God, now I'm, like, devastated.
09:27I-
09:28Fuck you, Jay.
09:30I was so ready.
09:32Oh my God, you got me so good.
09:34I know.
09:35I love you, I love you.
09:37Oh, love you, how funny.
09:39Okay, I'll speak to you in a bit.
09:40Love you, bye.
09:43I honestly can't believe she answered.
09:46Wait, I feel-
09:47I'm on cloud nine.
09:47Like, I'm on cloud nine.
09:50Should I do the iCloud one?
09:52Say someone hacked your iCloud
09:54and is posting everything from your camera roll.
09:58Okay, I got Renee, Charlie.
10:00I'm just gonna call Glenn,
10:02see if he answers the phone.
10:05His iCloud photo?
10:09Please leave your message for three, one.
10:13Call me, major news.
10:15Freaking out.
10:17He said, shooting right now,
10:18but I can call you when I wrap.
10:20Glenn.
10:21Or send me a voice note and I'll listen between takes.
10:26Like, what?
10:28Okay, Glenn just sent me a voice note.
10:32All right, if you're freaking out a little bit,
10:34tell me what's up, how can I help?
10:36He sounds like he's on set,
10:37so I'm not gonna bother him.
10:41Who else?
10:42Okay.
10:43I'm going to call my close friend, Alex Earl.
10:47Hi, I'm freaking out.
10:48What?
10:49Someone hacked my iCloud.
10:51What do you mean?
10:52Someone hacked my iCloud.
10:54How do you know?
10:55Because they're, like, asking me for money.
10:57They're, like, texting me off my own number,
11:00being like, we're in your iCloud,
11:01and they're, like, sending me, like, photos of myself.
11:06You know what I mean?
11:07And, like, threatening to post them
11:09if I don't give them money.
11:10Should I just pay them?
11:11Okay.
11:12No, do you have lawyers?
11:14I think so.
11:15I would talk to, like,
11:18Okay.
11:19Because, like, even if that is a situation
11:21where you need to, like, pay them to get off,
11:23they have to, like, sign something
11:24or ask if they have any, like, IT or something
11:27that can, like, help with this
11:28because they've definitely seen this before.
11:30Okay.
11:31Okay.
11:32Okay.
11:32You're on Elle's phoning it in.
11:33I'm sorry.
11:34This was a prank.
11:37Hello.
11:40What?
11:42I'm sorry.
11:42You were so supportive and nice, though.
11:45Fuck you.
11:47I'm sorry.
11:48But not, like-
11:49You're just freaking out.
11:50I know.
11:51I'm sorry.
11:52Oh my God.
11:53Love you.
11:54Bye.
11:56Beautiful.
11:57Honestly?
11:57Everyone answered.
11:59Everyone answered.
12:00Who didn't answer?
12:01Just Glenn, but he texted back.
12:03Thank you so much for watching me prank
12:05everyone in my contacts.
12:06Watch new episodes of Therapist Wednesdays
12:09at 7 p.m. Pacific.
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